DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters
are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc and Viacom. The story contents are the
creation and property of Djinn and are copyright (c) 2009 by Djinn. This story
is Rated R.
Better Sorry Than Safe
by Djinn
I'm not scared, 'cause I know there's something
out there waiting for me.
And I swear that
I'll find it someday, just wait and see.
I don't care that
you call me crazy; I can't stay 'cause
I need room to breathe.
There's nothing
left to say. Better sorry than safe.
-Halestorm
"I love
you," Roger murmured as he trapped her leg under his.
Chapel tried to
pull away and felt her hair tug painfully, held tight under his arm. "Let
me up."
"Christine?"
"Let. Me. Up."
As soon as he let her go, she rolled out of bed, walked over to the windows,
and threw them open, breathing deeply.
Suffocating. She
was suffocating in here, in his love.
"Is this...is
this because I'm leaving?" Roger sounded tentative,
the great scientist brought to his knees by her. "Come with me then. Christine,
you know you'd be more than welcome on this expedition. You're essential."
And that was the
problem. She was essential to him and didn't want to be. Not anymore. "I
don't want to go."
He took a deep
breath, his look full of the infinite patience that had first drawn her to him.
"All right. I can see it your way. But let's not waste the time we have
left."
"No." She
turned to look at him. "You don't get it. I do want to go. That's
the hell of it. The expedition sounds fun—the chance of a lifetime. I
just...don't want to go with you."
He looked as
though she'd punched him. "What?"
"I'm sorry. I
thought I could do this. But I can't."
"Do
what?"
"This. Love. Relationship.
Togetherness. I'm not good at it, Roger." Actually, she wasn't completely
sure of that. She might just not be good at it with him.
He sat up, the
covers falling off his lovely body—he was so strong, capable of keeping her
safe forever. "But you are good at this. I'm happy."
And she knew he
was. It was what tore at her every time she considered leaving him. That she
made him happy. That she was the thing without which he thought he couldn't
live. "I'm not happy, Roger. I'm just not."
He didn't say
anything, and the open, trusting look on his face slowly turned into something
closed, something angry. "And what will you do instead? Or should I ask
whom? Is there someone else?"
"I'm not the
one with Andrea scampering around my lab like an eager little puppy."
"Andrea's
nothing to me."
Chapel laughed,
the sound barely more than bitter puffs of air. "I don't care, okay? I
don't care about her. And I'm not seeing anyone. I just want out."
"But...where
will you go?"
She wasn't
surprised he'd ask her that and in that way. Disbelieving. Incredulous, even. She'd
been with him for so long. First as his student; he'd been her professor, her
advisor, her mentor, and then her lover once she graduated. It was a short step
to fiancé, then to husband, or so the big diamond ring on her finger said he
was due to be next.
She tugged it off,
set it on the dresser, and took a deep breath. "Starfleet's offered me a
billet."
"As
what?"
"A nurse. With
time to finish up my dissertation. And an option to transfer to biochem once my degree is awarded."
"A nurse? When
you could come with me and make history? You're going to go serve on a
ship?" He loaded the word "ship" with a great deal of disdain. But
not as much as he lavished on "nurse."
"It's an
unconventional path. But it's what I want to do. Leonard thinks Starfleet will
be good for m—"
"Leonard. I
should have known that reprobate would have something to do with this." Roger
got up, stalking over to her. "Is it him? Are you fucking him?"
"No. He's my
friend. Just my friend." Len was her friend in a way Roger never could be.
She'd never worshipped Leonard McCoy. That went a long way toward helping
equality bloom. "Roger, I'm sorry. I just can't have you go off for months
and think I'll still be waiting. I want out."
"Then get
out." His voice was implacable, his expression tight as he picked up her
clothes and threw them at her. "I'll send the rest of your things to you
in the morning. Get the hell out of here."
"Not like
this." But at his look, she pulled on her clothes, fighting with shoes
that seemed determined to suddenly not fit.
"You don't
get to say how it will be." His face was red, his eyes wild, as if he
wanted to strike her, but he stood still, staring at her. "Get out,
Christine."
She didn't run. But
she walked very, very fast.
She heard
something shatter on the door after it shut behind her. She had no doubt it was
something of hers.
##
"Here's to
cadet life." Len saluted her with his beer. "And to seeing you wear
the hell out of that uniform, Chris."
She laughed and
clinked her beer against his. "You're drunk. How many of those have you
had?"
Len's friend Jim
sidled into the booth next to her, his arm going around her. "He's had wayyyyyy too many."
She extricated
herself. "I don't believe I asked to be mauled."
"I have not
yet begun to maul." But his grin was good humored as he bumped her with
his hip to get her to move over.
She slid farther
into the booth to give him room. "Len, your friend's a jerk."
"Nope. He's
not. He's a stand-up kind of guy, Jim Kirk is."
"See." Jim
lifted his beer to her. "Stand-up guy. You heard it from the wise old
man."
"Who the hell
you calling old, kid?" Len laughed. "Old was Christine's former fiancé."
"He wasn't
old." But he wasn't young, either.
"I keep
forgetting you're an older woman." Jim waggled his eyes at her.
She gave him her
best "Not impressed, buddy" look. They'd compared birthdays the last
time they'd all ended up in a bar. She was barely a year older than he was. He'd
taken his sweet time making up his mind what he was going to do with his life
so he was older than the cadets around him. Just like she was. Just like Len
was.
"So why'd you leave him?" Jim actually sounded like he
cared.
"Couldn't
breathe."
"Good reason."
He took a deep breath. "That's why my mom left my stepfather. That and he
was kind of an ass. Your guy an ass?"
Len muttered,
"Yes," at the same time she said, "No."
Jim just laughed. "I'm
not sure who to believe."
"He controlled
her."
"He was my
advisor before we became involved." She winced. That always sounded so
bad. Was there no way to make it sound okay? "I mean—"
Jim held up his
hand. "I get it." He nodded as if to himself. "I had this
supervisor out at the quarry and I really looked up to him. Bit of a mentor,
and then it just took a turn—"
She slugged him in
the arm.
"What? You
think I'm kidding?" He laughed softly. "So
you fucked your professor, huh, Chris?"
"That's
probably not how I would have phrased it."
"But...?"
"Yes, I did. Wasn't
for the grades, already was acing his courses. Wasn't to secure an internship,
already had that locked up—in fact, people were competing for me. I did it
because I liked him."
Leonard made an
unflattering noise.
"Despite what
Chuckles over there thinks, Roger was a nice man. He just wanted to look out
for me."
"He'd have
locked you up in a tower if he could have." Leonard slid out of the booth.
"This round's on me because I don't want to hear
old Roger's virtues extolled."
Chapel sighed. "He
wasn't a bad man."
"He couldn't
have been. You loved him, right?" Jim was smiling gently.
"I did."
"Well then,
there you go." Jim pushed an errant strand of hair off her cheek. "I
bet he misses you, though."
"Maybe."
Although he'd ended up taking Andrea the puppy dog on his mission, and Chapel
could imagine her trying to help him erase any painful memories of his former fiancée.
"I would. If
I were Roger."
"But you're
not. And I don't think you could be like him if you tried."
"I'm going to
assume you mean controlling rather than brilliant."
She just laughed. Leonard
came back and handed out the fresh beers, saying, "Did I miss
anything?"
Jim smiled at her,
then looked over at Len and shook his head. "Nope, Bones. Didn't miss a
thing."
##
"You're
Christine, right?" Uhura stood in front of Chapel's table, tray perilously
full. Chapel could tell she was trying to look friendly, even though their
circles hadn't crossed much, and when they did, she hadn't given Chapel the
time of day.
Not that Chapel
had been overly friendly herself. The peril of being a high flyer—life at the
top was lonely. She expected it was for Uhura, too. "Is that food all for
you?"
Uhura looked down.
"Oh, yeah. I wasn't sure what I wanted." She gestured at the free
chair with her chin. "Mind if I sit?"
"Suit
yourself."
"I'm Nyota. But...don't
tell your friend Jim that, okay?"
"Uh,
why?"
"Just kind of
a game we have."
Chapel wasn't sure
how she felt about that. "Sounds fun." She went back to eating.
"You're
wondering why I'm here."
"Wasn't
really." She knew why Uhura was here. Her Orion roommate used to screw Jim
on a regular basis. Now, he wasn't seeing her as much. Uhura wanted to know if
that was Chapel's fault. "He's just a friend. Tell Gaila
that."
Uhura looked
startled. "Wow. You speak your mind, don't you?"
"Yep." She'd
started the night she left Roger and hadn't looked back.
"That's not
actually why I'm here, though." Uhura laughed. "And I'm not going to
tell G anything. Because I've seen you and Jim together, and you might think you're just friends, but that's not really how it
looks."
Chapel pushed her
tray away and stared at the other woman. "No?"
"No."
"And you know
this because you're so adept at hiding your relationship with Commander
Spock?"
She thought
Uhura's mouth might freeze open. "I— I mean we—"
Chapel held up a
hand. "It's okay. I don't care. I won't tell. And if you want to know how
I know, it's not because it's obvious. I'm just intimately familiar with the
signs of a woman screwing her mentor."
"Oh." Uhura
looked both angry and intrigued. "Okay. Thanks, I guess."
"So what did you want?" She smiled at the other woman. "You
said you didn't come about Gaila?"
"Oh. Right. Huh—it
seems so mundane now after that thrilling conversation. Anyway, I'm not doing
well in biochem. I hate it, and I was told you don't
hate it. So, would you be willing to tutor me?"
"Are you any
good at astrophysics?"
"I aced that
class."
"Consider it
a fair trade, then." Chapel pulled her tray toward her and went back to eating.
"You're a
strange woman."
Chapel laughed at
that. "You're probably right." She eyed the three chocolate chip
cookies on Uhura's tray. "Do you think you're really going to eat all of
those?"
"Take
one." Uhura rolled her eyes, but she seemed pleased at something
approaching normal interaction.
Chapel took one
and bit into it happily. "I'll see you tomorrow night, then? Study carrel fifty one?"
"You've got
your own carrel?"
"Yep. Bought
it off an upperclassman."
"That's not
how it's supposed to be done."
Chapel just
laughed. "Maybe not, but that still leaves me with the study carrel and
you without."
Uhura nodded
tightly as she got up, and Chapel wondered how long it would take her to secure
her own ill-gotten carrel. "I'll see you at six."
"That'll be
fine. Till then." Chapel finished off the cookie with gusto. She decided
she liked Uhura. And not just for her yummy desserts.
##
"So," Jim
said as he sidled up next to her in line for breakfast. "Rumor has it that
you know the fair Uhura's name. You two being study pals and all."
"Rumor is
wrong." She grinned at him, giving him a smile
she'd never given Roger. A smile that said, "I'm lying, and you know I'm
lying, and I know you know I'm lying, and isn't this fun?"
He laughed. "You're
a tough one, Chris."
"Yes, well,
no one's perfect." She handed him a tray as they neared the actual food. What
were all these cadets doing? Inspecting the fare before they ladled it in? That
way lay madness. "Get a move on, people."
"In a
hurry?"
"Yes, as a
matter of fact. I have a seminar this morning and I don't want to be late. Genetics."
"Sounds
interesting."
She glanced at him
to see if he was making fun of her, but he seemed sincere. "Should be. I
didn't think you cared about science. Being command track and all."
"I like
science. Everyone thinks I don't, but I do. There might actually be peace in
science."
She smiled gently.
"Are you looking for peace?"
"I don't know
what I'm looking for." His voice was soft, for once no cockiness or
evasion. He met her eyes and smiled, a wistful little smile that nearly melted
her, not least because she had the feeling it was completely uncalculated.
"Not many of
us here do know what we're looking for."
"Yeah, but
I've been that way all my life." He took a deep breath, slapped the back
of his tray with his free hand, and said with his normal gusto. "Okay,
what are they trying to poison us with today?"
She turned away,
letting the moment go, which was what he seemed to want.
"Do you ever
miss the freedom to just be...bad?" He was whispering, standing close.
"Actually,"
she murmured back, turning so they were even closer. "I wasn't very bad
till I came here. So...no."
"You were the
dutiful student?"
She nodded. "And
then the dutiful intern, dutiful girlfriend. I guess I blew it as fiancée
though." She laughed, and the sound came out a little ugly. "I've
done more here."
His eyebrows went
up.
"Not more
people. More...things. More living."
"I feel a bit
constricted." He tugged at his collar, as if to emphasize the point.
"Are you sure
this is what you want?"
"No. I'm
not." He smiled softly. "I was sort of...dared. I can't resist
those."
"I've never
had that problem."
"So, Len
didn't dare you to come here?"
"Suggested. Not
dared."
"And you
always follow his suggestions?"
"When they
don't involve weird combinations of alcohol, I do. Why?" She studied him. "Are
you fishing for something?"
"I'm just
curious, I guess. I room with the man; I see how many women he's with. But he's
very...proprietary about you."
"He's sort of
a big brother, I guess."
"That's kind
of icky. Because I think your big brother wants to sleep with you."
"Len? No."
She waved that thought off. "Believe me, he doesn't."
"If you say
so."
"Are you
asking about this for his sake? Or my sake? Or...?"
"Or my
sake?" He grinned, the megawatt smile that lit up every room he was in. "Yes."
She knew she
wasn't going to get any more clarity than that.
##
"So, you and
Jim Kirk. What's going on?" Uhura stared at Chapel over the padd she was
working on. Their status of study buddies didn't usually include talking about
personal lives, but maybe Uhura was tired of keeping her secret from everyone. Even
Gaila didn't seem to realize what was going on. Chapel
had expected more from an Orion, but to be fair to the girl, she seemed to be
so busy reveling in her freedom and excelling at her coursework that she didn't
have time to worry about who was sleeping with whom. Even if the who and the
whom were her roommate and their very senior training officer.
"Nothing's
going on." Chapel smiled to herself.
"That's not a
smile that conveys 'nothing' very well."
"No?"
"Nope."
Chapel laughed. "He's...just
a flirt. And I'm not as easy as he's used to."
"Yeah, he
does like a challenge." Uhura smiled in a way that sort of bugged Chapel.
"Yeah. So,
you and Spock—things going okay?" She saw Uhura tighten up. Sharing,
apparently, was going to be one way. "Or not. Your secret. No
problem."
"I'm sorry. I'm
just used to hiding it." Uhura took a deep breath. "Just so we're
clear, I met him before he took on our training."
"Really? How?"
"I needed a
Vulcan to practice my syntax with. He was available, interested in helping. We
spent hours together, using different dialects, different levels of
formalities. He helped me a lot. And we became friends. And then..."
"And then
more." She definitely knew how that went. "So
you didn't know he'd be working with you later?"
"There are
lots of instructors. I guess I didn't think they'd assign a Vulcan to that
job."
"Really?"
"He's not the
most intuitive when it comes to how people are feeling. And cadets are
fragile."
Some more than
others. Chapel didn't think either she or Uhura were particularly fragile. "He's
a really good scientist. I know that's a stupid thing to say, him being Vulcan
and all, but he's intuitive when it comes to that."
"Really?"
"Yeah. He's
given me some ideas for directions to take experiments for my dissertation. Really
helpful, out-of-the-box kind of things."
"That's good
to know. Thanks." Uhura looked down.
"He gets you,
though, right? He's intuitive about that?"
"Yeah. Of course he does. Great boyfriend." Uhura was clearly
reaching on that last one. Her voice quivered at the word boyfriend. "I'm
crazy about him, and I'm pretty sure he feels the same way."
"Pretty
sure?" Chapel put down her padd. "Listen, just don't promise this guy
your life or your soul or anything else that has a price down the road. Just
enjoy the relationship for what it is, and then 'pretty sure' will be fine till
you're really sure."
"Good
advice."
"Power of
hindsight." She grinned. And sent a mental apology to Roger. He'd had his
faults, but leaving her in the dark about how he felt hadn't been one of them.
##
"Mmmm, that was good." Len stretched out on the double
lounger he'd set up on the beach. "Good damn oysters."
Chapel nestled in
next to him, aware they were pushing the "just friends" concept, but
too sated to care. "They were good."
"Didn't I
tell you?" He put his arm around her, pulled her close. "I'm so glad
you're here."
"Me,
too."
They sat for a
while, enjoying the sunset and the sound of the water. Then he whispered,
"If I let myself, I could get used to this."
"Yeah, I
know. Roger thought we were involved."
"We are
involved. Just not the way he thought." Len pulled away enough that she
could see his face. "Should we be involved the way he thought?"
"I don't
know."
He didn't seem
offended by the answer. "Jocelyn left me a bitter man, you know
that."
"I do." Truth
be told, she'd never really cared for Jocelyn.
"And I've
been working my way through the females."
"Are you
really? Working your way through them? Because what will that leave Jim?"
He laughed. "We've
divided them down the middle."
"Whose list
am I on?"
"I'm not
sure. I wouldn't be averse to having you on mine."
She leaned in and
kissed his cheek quickly. "The point of a list is to cross off what you've
done and move on. Sounds kind of empty for me. I'll stick with being your
friend."
"All
right." He tucked her back under his chin. "I'm used to it, anyway. Friends."
He tightened his grip on her. "Good friends."
"Very good
friends. So, does this mean I'm on Jim's list?"
There was a long
silence, and then he said, "I don't think so."
"Oh. Should I
be insulted?" Didn't he think she was pretty enough or sexy enough or—
"No, darlin'.
Insulted is not what you should be." Len leaned in and whispered. "He's
a good kid. You'd be a good influence on him."
"You just
said I'm not on his list."
"I did. And
you said lists are for crossing off and moving on. And that's not what he seems
to be thinking about when he talks about you."
"He talks
about me? You never told me he talks about me."
He chuckled, then
groaned as she gently elbowed him. "I'm not sure how I feel about him
talking about you."
She waited, but he
didn't go on. "He's still working his way through that list. You have
plenty of time to figure out how you feel."
He took a deep
breath, let it out slow. "I don't think I'm the one who needs to figure
that out."
##
Chapel kicked off
her shoes, not caring that her roommate glared at her. Her roommate always
glared at her. She wasn't sure the woman had any other look.
"You're going
to pick those up, right?"
"Eventually."
"I'm tired of
you leaving your personal belongings around."
Chapel took a deep
breath. Her roommate was a Kellaran, and they had an
overabundant need for order. One thing out of place sent Lareez
into a tizzy. But most species weren't as damn anal as Kellarans,
so Lareez would just have to get used to a little
disorder if she wanted to make it in Starfleet. "Toots, this is my
personal space. Shared, unfortunately, with you. But personal. Ergo, my
personal belongings belong here."
"There is a
closet for a reason."
To stuff Lareez in when she killed her? Chapel ignored the other
woman and left her shoes by the bed. The door chimed before she could start
strewing other articles around just to up the annoyance factor.
"Hey. Chris."
Jim was smiling as he pushed her inside and followed her.
"This is not
a co-ed room," Lareez said, viewing Jim with
alarm.
"Relax, I'm
not staying." He pulled Chapel with him to the bathroom, then locked the
door. "Do you know how to take care of this?" He pulled up his
sleeve; his arm was covered with nasty, seeping red welts.
She started to
laugh, despite the look on his face. "Who was she and why didn't you check
for poison ivy first?"
"No she."
Her eyebrows went
way up.
"No he, either. It was a search and evasion exercise. I found
a very good place to evade, only I didn't realize what I was crouching
in." He made a face. "Please? It itches and hurts, all at the same
time."
"I've got
some anti-itch things, but you really should go to Medical for this." Or
Len. Why hadn't he just asked Len? "Jim, why'd you come to me?"
"You were
close. And I knew you'd help me."
She waited.
"And I may
have told Bones he was crazy that the plant in question was poison ivy. Help me
keep my secret?"
She rolled her
eyes, then dug around in her supply case until she found the anti-itch relief
spray. "This is going to sting."
"Just do
it."
She sprayed it on,
coating the area, then watching it dry to a nice seal. "Anywhere
else?"
He lifted up a
pant leg and she took care of the small area underneath.
"All things
considered, you got off easy. Good thing there wasn't a she involved."
"Agreed."
He sighed in what was clearly relief.
She gave him the
container of spray. "If it starts itching again, give it a good
spray."
"Thank
you." He leaned back against the counter and smiled at her. "Your
swell roommate is going to wonder what we're doing in here. Should we give her
sound effects? Maybe a groan or a moan?"
"I don't
think so. She dislikes me enough as it is." She studied him,
arms crossed as she leaned against the wall. "So, is she on your list or
Len's?"
"List?"
"Of the women
you two are working your way through."
"That's it. Bones
is out of the manly-man club for spilling secrets." Jim laughed. "There's
no list, Chris. I'll admit that if I see something I like, I don't strain
myself not reaching for it. But there's nothing so systematic as a list." He
pushed up from the counter, moved toward her. "Were you jealous?"
"No."
He played with her
hair. "Not even a little?"
"No."
He moved closer
and then stopped, watching her as if he could see inside her. "Roger must
miss you a lot."
She swallowed
hard, unnerved suddenly by how close he was.
Then he moved
closer, his body pressing against hers. "I really like you."
"I really
like you, too."
Lareez suddenly pounded
on the door. "I need to use the bathroom. Please finish whatever you are
doing and get out."
Jim laughed. "God,
I don't envy you." He pulled her after him as he unlocked the door and
nearly barreled Lareez over. "Sorry, we're in a
hurry. Happy hour's almost over."
Chapel giggled as
she followed in his wake, pulled by his hand and the force of his smile.
##
"Cadet
Chapel." Commander Spock looked distinctly ill at ease. Had Uhura told him
that Chapel knew about their little affaire de coeur?
"Sir, what
can I do for you?"
"I wish to
gather information of a personal nature. About a friend of yours."
"Oh." This
was different. "Which friend?"
"His name is
Kirk."
"What's Jim
done now?"
The look on
Spock's face told her Jim had done something very, very bad, but he didn't
spill over with truth the way she wanted him to.
Feeling on shaky
ground, she took a deep breath. "I mean, sir, what can I help you
with?"
"I think your
first statement was more apt, Miss Chapel." Spock began to pace, something
she'd never seen him do in the lab. "I know that you are familiar with the
Kobayashi Maru test."
"Failed it
last week."
"There is no
pass or fail. It is a test of character."
"Tests
generally are pass/fail. How about calling it an evaluation of character? Evaluations
are much more forgiving."
He gave her an odd
look, then nodded. "An excellent suggestion."
"I'm full of
them." She waited for the part of this that involved Jim.
"Has your
friend Kirk talked about the test to you?"
"It's against
the rules to talk about the test, sir. It's against your rules, unless I misunderstood."
"Nevertheless,
has he talked about it?"
"No." But
he'd been hiding something. She knew him well enough by now to know when he was
up to no good, and he'd been wearing the "fox in the henhouse" look
for days.
"If you are
involved in any way..."
"Involved in
what?"
Spock studied her
for a long moment, then nodded, as if satisfied. "It gratifies me that you
are not. You are an excellent scientist and would be well served to stay far
from Cadet Kirk."
"Stay far
away from him? You don't like him, sir?"
"Like is an
emotion, Cadet. Any judgment I have as to the man and his character is
professional and logical."
She might believe
that emotion wasn't an issue for him if she didn't know he was screwing her
study pal. She didn't think logic entered much into that, given Uhura's seeming
contentment with their sex life—not that she ever gave any details, but a woman
got a certain look if she was happy in bed.
"Of course,
sir."
She waited for him
to leave, and then she commed Jim to warn him that whatever he'd done had riled
a certain Vulcan trainer. As she expected, Jim didn't seem very surprised.
##
Steam and smoke
filled the corridor as Chapel tripped over the wounded who'd found their way to
sickbay on their own power. Cadets were bringing others more seriously hurt,
dragging or carrying their peers.
"What the
hell happened?" she asked one of them.
"I don't
know." He looked like he might be hurt and not know it, so she took a
discreet reading of him. No injuries, just shock.
Well, who the hell
wasn't in shock? They hadn't even been commissioned yet—one minute she was in
an assembly watching Jim get dressed down for cheating and the next moment she
was on the flagship in some kind of war.
"Nurse
Chapel!" she heard Len bellow from inside sickbay.
"Out
here."
"Need you in
here."
She looked over
the wounded, unwilling to leave them but Len wouldn't call her unless he needed
her, so she picked her way as fast as she could back to his side.
"I called you
five times," he muttered as he handed her a scanner and pointed her to a
female cadet lying on the biobed.
"I didn't
hear you." She snuck a glance at him—was he okay?
Blood smeared his
uniform, but it didn't appear to be his blood. His eyes were angry, not
haunted, not lost.
"I'm the new
goddamned Chief Medical Officer. How's that for stupid?"
"You'll be
good at it." She hated how patronizing she sounded, so she went back to
work and didn't try to make him feel better.
Hours and many
patients later, she felt a hand on her shoulder. "We've done everything we
can, Chris. Have to just wait it out now."
She nodded and put
the scanner down.
"Want to hear
something else that's funny but not. My last trip to the bridge, I found out
Jim had been jettisoned."
"You think
that's funny?"
He held up a hand.
"No, that's not the funny part. Jim's back. Not sure how. And he's the
captain."
"Jim's the
captain? Jim, the cadet whose ass is in so much trouble it may never catch up
with the rest of him, is the captain?"
"Yes." He
shook his hands out, as if they were cramping. "Temporarily, naturally. But
still, he's our fearless leader now."
"Where's
Pike?"
"Off
ship."
"And
Spock?"
"Relieved. Emotions
over Vulcan." He saw her look of incomprehension. "Another thing I'll
fill you in on later. Long and short of it is that my roomie is now in charge
of all of us."
She wasn't sure how
she felt about that. Jim was great and everything to hang out with. And very
smart. But...in charge? "Are we all going to die?"
"We sure as
hell better not. Or Jim and I are going to have words."
She smiled and
followed him to his office, one of the few places left with room to sit. Jim
was in charge and they were probably all going to die, but she was exhausted
and who knew when the next batch of patients would be in? She put her head
back, let her eyes close, and promptly fell asleep.
##
The crew, wounded
and tired and maybe still a little scared, was in full celebration mode when
Chapel and Len hit the officers club.
"Ah, terra firma, how do I love thee, let me count the ways." Len
was stomping happily and Chapel laughed.
"Well, it's
about time you two got here." Jim slung an arm over both of them, pulling
them in close. He kissed McCoy on the cheek—a silly little peck that made him
look a lot tipsier than Chapel supposed he was—then he did the same for her,
only his lips lingered a lot longer. "My two favorite
people."
"Since you
and Spock saved our lives, you're on my list of favorite people, Jim." Chapel
looked around and saw Spock in the corner talking to Uhura. They looked as if
they were the only people in the world.
"Her name's
Nyota," Jim murmured.
"I know. How'd
you find out?"
He smiled. "I've
known for a while. You don't break into Spock's computer program without going
through a few cadet databases on the way."
She laughed. "So
why did you keep asking me if you knew?"
"Wanted to
see how discreet you were. And you're very, very discreet." He gave her a
scorching look.
She gave it right
back.
Len coughed. "Get
a room, you two." Then he extricated himself from Jim's arm and headed for
the bar.
"So." He
was smiling at her in a way that was making her heart beat faster.
"So?"
"This may be
my last night as a free man. I'm still accused of cheating. I pretty much stole
the ship out from under Spock. I may end up in the brig for the rest of my
natural life." He looked for a moment like this wasn't a surprise.
"No." She
moved closer and smoothed his hair back, not caring who saw her do it. "No,
you won't spend the rest of your natural life in the brig."
"Woman's
intuition?"
"Something
like that." She smiled gently. "Brilliant, gutsy people get breaks
the rest of us don't. It's not always fair, but it's pretty standard."
"You don't
think you're brilliant and gutsy?"
"I'm very
smart and somewhat brave."
He laughed. "And
beautiful. Don't forget that one, because I sure as hell don't."
"Why, thank
you, Jim." She took his arm. "Alcohol awaits."
"By all
means, lead on."
Len smiled as he
saw them coming toward him. He raised a glass in toast to Jim and threw the
amber liquid back, then sighed in what looked like utter contentment.
"I owe
everything to Bones, Chris. Everyone does. If he hadn't been willing to smuggle
me on..." He grinned and laughed. "Thank God he's the rebel he is. Anti-authoritarian,
plain-talking—"
"Curmudgeon."
She laughed. Even at his not-so-advanced age, Len fit the bill.
"Curmudgeon,
yes, perfect word." He leaned in and kissed her quickly on the lips. "And
I'm going to buy you and my favorite curmudgeon some very pricey drinks."
And she was going
to let him. Who in their right mind would turn down free expensive hooch? Or
time with Jim?
##
The buzzing of the
chrono competed with the chiming of Chapel's comm system. She aimed in the
general direction of both, managed only to turn off the ringing time alarm. Another
swipe took care of the comm system, audio only since she had no idea what state
she was in after the wild "Didn't die on our first cruise" night. "Chapel
here."
"Kirk here. You
okay?"
"Why wouldn't
I be?" She searched the drawer in her bedside table for some antitox. "Where
are you?"
"Well, not in
your bed, obviously."
"Obviously."
She glanced over to see Lareez sleeping happily
despite the multiple loud sounds. The woman was a good roomie in that respect.
"How is your
bed, by the way?"
"Small. Built
for one. And still calling to me. What do you want, Jim?" There—she
snapped two antitox out of their container and popped them into her mouth to
dissolve under her tongue.
"Be sure to
make the assembly."
"What
assembly?"
Her comm unit lit
up suddenly with news of an all-hands. "Oh, that assembly. Something good,
I take it?"
He chuckled and
she smiled hearing the sound. "Just be there, Chris."
"You know I
will." The connection went dead and she took a deep breath then rolled out
of bed and got ready for the all hands.
"Why are you
up so early?" Lareez mumbled.
"Assembly at
oh nine hundred."
"Why?"
"If I knew
that, I wouldn't be a cadet." Chapel tossed Lareez
a nutritional bar. "No time for breakfast."
Lareez sat up and began
to eat the bar. "Your friend did well. He didn't get us killed."
"He sure
didn't." Although some had died. A whole planet had died. But that hadn't
been Jim's fault. If anyone's, it was Spock's. The Spock of the future. Only
not their future because they'd all changed in certain ways. Shit, this was
confusing. Jim had tried to explain it to her, but it made her head hurt.
"I have
decided that I like your friend."
"I'm sure
he'll be thrilled." But Chapel found herself smiling at Lareez. Even annoying roomies seemed less aggravating after
a rousing game of "Kill me if you can." She wound her hair into a
loose bun and left the room, heading for the auditorium.
"Miss
Chapel?" A harsh voice, rasping across her nerves like nails on a
blackboard. Feeling a shiver, Chapel turned. A Vulcan stood watching her. It
took her a moment to realize it was Spock. The older Spock. The one that wasn't
from their time, their reality.
"Sir?"
He smiled gently
and she nearly dropped the padd she was carrying. She'd never seen Spock—her
Spock—smile before. "It is good to see you, Christine."
"Uh,
okay." He was definitely checking her out. It was unnerving as hell. "I
mean, yes, sir?"
"This is
confusing for you, I realize. For myself, as well, I must confess. I never knew
you like this. So young. So...free." It seemed
for a moment as if he might touch her, then he took a step back. "Jim Kirk
is very fond of you."
Jim had told her
about the meld Spock had done with him. It had never occurred to her that there
might be things about herself in Jim's mind, or that Spock would care—why did
Spock care?
"In this
reality, sir, you're not in a position to notice how Jim regards me."
"Yes, I know.
In this reality, I am otherwise engaged." He took a deep breath and then
met her eyes; there was something unspeakably sad in his. "That may not
always be the case, Christine."
"I know
you're not asking me to wait for you—for him. Are you?" Before he could
answer, she laughed. "Because I don't know that I like him that way. He's
a good lab advisor, but..."
"But he is no
Jim Kirk?"
"Bingo. And
no Len McCoy, either, for that matter." She moved closer and saw him react
to her. "What was I to you?"
"My Christine
was everything to me. At one point in my life."
"And hers."
Could this guy hear himself? Was it all about him? "I'm sorry, sir. But I
have an assembly to get to."
He stepped aside. "It
was good to see you again, Christine."
"Right. Same
here." Feeling very confused, Chapel hurried off.
Len was waiting
for her at the entrance to the auditorium. "You all right? You look
funny."
She glanced back
but couldn't see Spock—the other Spock—anywhere. "I'm fine." But she
had serious doubts about her doppelganger in the other universe. Was she fine? Or
was she long dead—or no, probably not, because now wasn't the future, and Spock
was from a different reality, but this was still the only reality she'd ever
known and—
Shit, this made
her head hurt.
##
"Drinks, my
lovely, lovely friends, are on me." Jim kicked his feet up on the table
and motioned a server over. Sighing happily, he glanced around the bar. "I
got beat up here. The night I first met Pike. Seems a lifetime ago, now."
"It was a
lifetime ago," Len said, rescuing a lonely bowl of peanuts from a nearby
table. "We were different people then."
Chapel rolled her
eyes. "You haven't changed that much, boys. You still pull your uniform
pants on one leg at a time."
Jim smiled, that
goofy half-cocked grin that was as sardonic as it was amused. "I will
master the two-legged pull eventually."
"And we'll
say we knew you when." Len was watching Spock and Uhura in the corner. "Never
thought I'd see that one in here."
"Never
underestimate the effect of the fair Nyota."
Chapel frowned,
trying to determine just how much interest Jim really had in Uhura. "She
is pretty."
"Pretty?"
Len snorted. "She's goddamned stunning. I'd like a piece of that
myself."
"Thank you
for sharing. And the drinks haven't even begun to flow yet." Chapel could
hear the tartness in her voice and saw Jim watching her with a knowing glint in
his eye. "Smart. Beautiful. She has it all."
"No, she
doesn't," Jim said, his grin growing more lopsided. "She doesn't have
me."
"My
mistake."
"Even if she
wanted me..."
She met his eyes. "Even
if she wanted you what?"
"Well, she
might have to wait until someone else got done with me."
"Oh, you're
with someone now, are you?"
"With isn't
the word I'd use just yet, but give it time."
"If you beat
around those bushes any harder," Len said, as he took his bourbon from the
waitress, "you might fall in. Jesus, I've never met two people less able
to say, 'Hey, there. I like you. Do you like me? Let's do something about
it.'" He downed his drink.
Chapel started to
laugh.
Jim nodded as if
in concession. "Bones, you make a good point."
"Damn
straight." Another drink went the way of the first. "Chris isn't
going to wait for you forever."
"I'm not
waiting now, Len."
"Shut up. Don't
ruin my story." Len's grin took any sting out of his words. "She's
got other men watching her, you know. Smarter, older, wiser men."
She laughed
softly. "Also arrogant and vain men."
"Them, too."
Len stroked her cheek, his touch unaccountably gentle. "I'm giving her to
you, Jimbo. I'm letting her go."
"Len, I'm not
yours to let go."
"What did I
say about not ruining my story?" He got up slowly. "I believe that
the bewitching young Gaila is beckoning for me to
come join her."
Chapel looked
over; Gaila was making a come-hither gesture, and it
was clearly not to either Jim or her. "Never let it be said we stood in
the way of true lust."
"Amen to
that, my dear. Jim, Chris, enjoy your evening." He tipped an imaginary hat
and walked away.
"So."
"So."
"Long dance
we've done here."
She nodded slowly,
finding it difficult to pull her gaze away but also unnerved by the intensity
of his look. "You're my captain now, aren't you?"
"That I
am."
"Doesn't that
mean no fraternization?"
"I'd ask my
first officer about that—as I'm sure he's up on the regs—but sadly..."
She laughed. "Not
the font of information you might want in this case."
"You know
about his relationship with...?"
She nodded.
"You are
discreet. I do like that."
"She's my
friend. Sort of." She frowned. "I mean..." Hell, what did she
mean? "Medical is independent. That's what Len says."
"You can
relieve me, after all."
"Well, I
can't, but a doctor can." She looked down. "I won't always be a
nurse."
"Let's deal
with that when we come to it?" He leaned in. "There never was a list.
I wasn't kidding about that. But there were a lot of women."
"I
know."
"I'm tired of
women plural. I'd like woman singular."
"I'm sure
there's one out there for you." It was hard to hide her grin.
"I deserve
that." His smile wasn't hiding any better than hers. "So, woman
singular, do you want to get out of here?"
"And go
where?"
"Well, the
way I figure it, Nyota will be with Spock, who rooms alone, which means Bones
can have Gaila to himself in her room, and that means
I have our room to use for nefarious purposes." He stepped around, held
her chair for her as she got up, leaned in and whispered, his breath hot on her
ear, "For the whole night."
She shivered and
followed him out. He took her hand as they walked, not trying to hide the
movement at all, seeming to go out of his way to make it very apparent.
She saw Uhura
smile as they went past, and she smiled back in a way that lacked their normal
tinge of rivalry.
Jim led her to a
maintenance shed, left her standing for a moment, then was back with some keys,
which he plugged into a motorcycle. "Get on."
"Get on? We
don't need that to get to your quarters."
"You're
right. But we do need it to get to my home. My mom's kind of a piece of work,
but I'd like you to meet her."
Chapel looked
down, more touched than she wanted to let him know.
"If you want
to. We don't have to go." Jim sounded suddenly unsure, as if he'd
overstepped.
She walked over to
him and kissed him long and hard. He pulled her down so she was lying half
across his lap, and they kissed for a very long time. She could tell a lot by
the way his mouth moved over her, by the way his tongue met her own, by the way
his hands moved up and down her body.
The rumors weren't
overselling the man. This was going to be damn good sex.
But there was
something the rumors couldn't capture, and that was the sweetness as he rubbed
her back, as he straightened her shirt when he finally let her back up. This
was going to be a lot more than just damn good sex.
She got on the
bike behind him and put her arms around him. "Let's go, then."
She could hear him
laughing, even over the sound of the bike. Closing her eyes, she leaned into
him and held on, trusting him to get them where they needed to go.
She had a feeling
she'd be doing a lot of that.
FIN