DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters
are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc and Viacom. The story contents are
the creation and property of Djinn and are copyright (c) 2024 by Djinn. This
story is Rated R.
Cold Shoulder
by Djinn
1.
Shaw
wandered the office as Geordi talked and B'Elanna chimed in. It was rude of him to not just sit down
the way they wanted him to, but he didn't give a flying one.
Fuck
them for pulling him out of a perfectly boring meeting to lay this on him.
"Are
you even listening, Liam?" Geordi sounded
disappointed in him, and the old Liam would have given a shit about that.
"He's
listening." B'Elanna walked over to him.
"Liam, you were the one good thing about the Academy before I dropped out.
I know you, and I also know what it's like to work with her—to try to manage
her."
"Operative
word: try."
"We
lost so many engineers during the Borg attack."
"Then
put me on any other ship."
"No
one knows that one like you do." Geordi had the
tone he used when he complimented Shaw on the state of his ship.
The
old Shaw would have rolled over and played nice. The old Shaw, who hadn't been
gunned down by one of his crew, who hadn't been stuffed into a stasis chamber
by Ohk when she found him on the maintenance deck,
who hadn't been brought back to fucking life through conventional medical
methods not, thank fuck, Hansen's nanoprobes, which he'd been told were on the
table as a possibility.
Would
he be Borg if they had been used? Fucking irony if so.
The
thing was: he'd been ready to go. And now that he was alive again, he was
enjoying being among the living, but on Earth. Having a life and sleeping with
any woman who caught his fancy but wasn't in Starfleet.
He
wasn't a dick with them. He made it clear he had just left a long-term
relationship—so it was with his ship and crew? It still counted—and all he
wanted was some fun.
He
was actually having fun. No one was getting hurt. Maybe someday he'd settle
down if he found the right woman.
But
to go back to that ship with that captain? Fuck him. "I could
retire."
"Janeway
would just reactivate you." B'Elanna said
softly.
"Hey,
I read that clause. Had it amended."
"She
won't care."
He
looked at Geordi who sort of shrugged and nodded.
"Fuck.
Have you even cleared this with Hansen?"
"Seven."
B'Elanna's voice was firm and he knew she sort of
liked Seven. Maybe even really liked her. He'd never been clear on that.
"Did
she get the name changed in the fucking database yet?"
"It's
in the works."
"Then
she's still Annika Hansen. Fuck her. And you didn't answer my question. You
think I want to be on her ship with a hostile version of her? It was hell
having her serve next to me wanting to make a good impression." And then
not. Not caring because she'd decided he was a dick and he'd decided she was a
pain in the ass to manage.
But
he'd seen her fucking potential. He could appreciate her good sides, even
recommend her for the captaincy. He just didn't want to be anywhere near her
again.
"Hell's
a bit strong. She's a handful. I get it."
"The
story she writes is going to be great." Geordi
grinned at him, like repeating his performance review of her would make it all
okay.
"The
book. The book she writes. But I don't want to be a character in said book.
Write me out, Admirals."
"Love
hearing that rank. Commodore is so..." Geordi
gave him a stern look when he realized he'd been distracted—Shaw had known he
would be. "I'm deputy head of Engineering. I want you on that ship."
"And
I'm head of it, and I want you there too. And so does our esteemed CinC."
He
closed his eyes. "I'm not telling Hansen. More importantly, if I do this,
I don't answer to her."
"Liam,
come on." B'Elanna rolled her eyes.
"Neither of us can manage you from here."
"Give
her all the input on my performance you want. Let her write me up until her
hand falls off. But you do my evals, not her. That's my fucking line in the
sand."
"I'm
fine with that, but I'll leave you two to figure out the details." Geordi turned off his desk lamp and got up. "I'm late
for dinner."
As
he left the Engineering Suite, B'Elanna pulled Shaw
into her office. She typed something and said, "Tom will be down soon.
He's bringing scotch."
"Not
going to make it better. I gave her my ship, Bey. And my blessing. Why does she
get to have me?"
"Because
she needs you. She just doesn't know it. And that ship needs you and we both
know that."
He
nodded, accepting defeat in this. "I was having fun dating."
"Is
that what you call it? Did you see any of them for more than one screw—I mean
date?"
"Wow,
did I make the gossip chain?"
"You
did. Nice of you to not shit in the Command nest. But you've been invited to a
lot of parties and you're never with the same woman twice."
He
couldn't meet her eyes. "It's just easier."
"Easier
than what?" Her smile is knowing. "Easier than a certain blue-eyed
blonde we both know?"
"I
hate her."
"Uh
huh. And she hates you. You've both made that more than clear."
"Besides,
she's with Raffi."
"Not
a hundred percent sure of that."
He
hated the surge of hope he felt. God damn it—he fucking hated Hansen. Had since
Janeway shoved her down his throat. Told him when he resisted taking Hansen
that he'd do it if he wanted to get any of his other picks approved. He hated
her and he was not happy that her relationship might be tanking.
"If
you could see your face, Liam."
"Fuck
you, Bey."
"Do
not talk to my better half that way, you dipshit." Tom pulled him into a
hug, with plenty of backslaps, some a little hard. Then he made a great show of
pouring out the scotch and passing it around. "So
are we talking about a certain Borg?"
"Ex-Borg,"
he said almost by rote. He'd gotten so used to saying that to anyone they were
interacting with who looked askance at her implants.
Tom
snickered.
"Shut
up, Mr. Torres."
"Low
blow, Shaw." He closed his eyes as he sipped the scotch.
"Sublime."
B'Elanna rolled her eyes. "That's a Kathryn
word. You're clearly spending too much time with her."
"I'm
her chief of staff. It's in my job description to do that."
Shaw
took a sip and had to admit it was indeed sublime. "I don't want to be on
that ship again. Not with the new name. Not with the new captain."
"Who
you recommended..."
"Fuck
you, Bey." He looked at Tom to see what he was going to say.
"Nope,
on your side this time, Liam." He started to laugh. "You should have
seen B'Elanna and Seven when she first came on board.
Oh my god."
"Like
water and oil?"
B'Elanna latched. "More like gasoline and a
match—a very annoying Borg match."
Tom
nodded. "There were some truly epic arguments. B'Elanna
won, of course." In a stage whisper he said, "I'm required to say
that. Seven held her own."
"Fuck
you, Tom."
"Liam's
potty mouth is rubbing off on you, darling. Talk like that to me in bed and
maybe we'll make another baby."
"No,
we won't. Unless you're going to stay home with it. I'm too old."
"And
you love this job," Shaw said as he poured himself a little more then checked the label to see what it was. "You always
get the best stuff, Tom."
"I
always do. Starting with my wife." Tom smiled at her in the sweetest way.
She
rolled her eyes, but her smile was soft.
"You
two are my role models for a happy marriage."
"Oh,
were you thinking of marriage?" She laughed at his expression. "The
two of you would make beautiful babies—if you weren't so fucking old."
"Fuck
you, Bey. For the baby part, not the old part. I own that proudly." There
was a time, right after Wolf 359, he wasn't sure he'd even get to old age.
And
now, here he was. "Seven's going to be so pissed off."
"Yeah.
Yeah, she is." Tom lifted his glass. "To the man with sufficient
skills with an engine to soothe the savage beast."
"Or
at least make her leave you alone. She needs you, Liam. Just keep telling
yourself that. Make it a goddamned mantra if you need to. But you'll be on that
ship in two weeks when Seven's back for meetings."
"I've
got a lot of living to do in those two weeks then."
"You
mean a lot of women?" Tom smirked.
B'Elanna grabbed the bottle and refilled her
glass. "I don't want to know."
##
Seven
sat on the bed, leaning against the headboard, clutching the cashmere throw
Shaw had left behind.
It
wasn't that it was his; it was that it was so damn soft and warmed up so nicely
where it lay against her. She could ball it up and clutch it this way—pour a
silent scream into it even though she was sitting completely still.
As
Raffi packed up her shit. Which all fit in a tiny backpack.
"That's
it? That's all you have?" She was sure there'd been more when this mission
started.
Or
more accurately, when they were still in Space Dock. They'd been fine when they
both had the ability to get the hell away from each other. This was going like
the other two times—except that this time it was Raffi leaving her.
Which,
if she was honest with herself, she always expected Raffi to do. Maybe that was
why she'd run the other two times? So Raffi couldn't
get sick of her—couldn't figure out how broken she was.
And
how not broken Raffi was, despite how she often spoke of her past.
Raffi
looked sheepish but just nodded.
"Have
you been moving stuff out?" Why did that hurt so much? They hadn't even
talked about this until now and Raffi had already been abandoning her.
No,
fuck, not abandoning. People left and that's just how life was. Her parents,
Chakotay, Kathryn, everyone else she'd known from the ship, Picard after the
first and second mission—he'd had no idea where the fuck she was and hadn't
seemed to care.
And
Shaw. Gave her a review so good it made her cry and then wouldn't even meet so
she could apologize.
"We're
good, Hansen," was all he'd said. Using the name
she hated to send her running in the opposite direction no doubt.
Or
maybe he used it solely out of muscle memory. Several years of calling her that—in
every conceivable tone.
Well,
not every conceivable tone.
Fuck,
she had to focus. Shaw was long gone. The woman in front of her wasn't going
anywhere other than back to her quarters full time.
And
maybe down to Earth since they were here for a few days. Down to cruise the
clubs they'd both liked in their single days.
To
find someone new.
But
that was okay. Because she and Raffi were friends and friends supported each
other's choices even if meant finding a new lover to replace her.
It
was okay because Raffi was a wonderful first officer. They laughed a lot.
They'd always been simpatico that way—as friends. The sex had also always been
great. It was that in between part—the part she always got wrong. The "in
love" part.
Raffi
put her backpack down and crawled onto the bed until she was sitting next to
her, her arm around her. "We gave it a real try this time. I can't tell
you what that means to me."
"Yes,
you can. You get to leave me. Not be left. There's a world of difference."
"I'm
not going far." She kissed her on the forehead. "You know I'd die for
you. I'll definitely kill for you. But we just don't work, not as a
couple."
She
nodded. "I should have let you find that out earlier."
"But
then I wouldn't be your first officer. And I love being your first
officer."
"Is
there someone else?" God, she hated asking that question. With Chakotay
there had never not been someone else, the ghost of Kathryn Janeway, haunting
them no matter how far away they got.
"No.
This is just the right thing to do." She leaned her head against Seven's
shoulder.
Seven's
padd pinged and she picked it up to see a text message from Kathryn. Have
engineer for you. Best fit possible.
She
showed Raffi the text.
"Good,
because Cable is in over his head."
She
texted back. Who?
I've
got an opening at five. Come down and we'll talk and Tom can introduce you to
his latest scotch find.
She
stared at the reply. "Fuck."
"What?
Drinks. With her. And good scotch. Enjoy it."
"No.
She won't just tell me now." She met Raffi's eyes. "There's only one
person who would piss me off so much she'd need to tell me after a few glasses
of scotch."
Raffi
looked confused.
"Shaw,
Raffi."
"Oh,
come on. He's a captain and ready to move onward and upward. He's not being
assigned here. She just wants to see you."
"Then
she'd invite me over to her place like usual. In her office? With Tom and no
doubt B'Elanna too? This is about Shaw—I can feel it
in my ranger bones."
"On
the plus side, if it is him, he probably doesn't want to be here any more than you want him here."
"Yeah,
that's a huge plus. Thanks, Raff."
"He's
a really good engineer, right?"
She
nodded.
"And
won't it be kind of fun to be his boss? You can call him Shawn or Sheen, just
like he never used your real name." Raffi was laughing the way Seven
loved.
"I'm
not going to do that. It's a fun idea though." She slid down so she was
curled up with her head in Raffi's lap. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."
##
"Have
another glass, Seven."
"Are
you under orders to get me drunk, Tom?"
"Leave
Tom alone, Seven. Oh, B'Elanna, come in and join
us."
"As
if she's just here by accident."
"Jesus you drank that fast."
"You
go be a ranger, Tom. Tell me how much hooch you can hold."
"I
don't want her so drunk she won't remember the conversation, Mr. Paris."
"Leave
him alone, Kathryn. I already know what you three want to tell me. It's Shaw,
isn't it?"
"..."
"I
was a ranger. I'm not the pathetically literal ex-Borg scientist anymore. I can
read between the lines—especially for this. Is it him
or isn't it?"
"It
is. B'Elanna, tell her why."
"I
don't need to. She already knows her ship needs him."
"There
are others nearly as skilled."
"No,
there really aren't, Seven. I know it and you know it. He's told me how you two
worked together."
"He
told you that?"
"He
did. It might have been the nicest thing he had to say about you, but he was
smiling when he said it."
"Oh,
fuck you all. Get me some bourbon, Tom. If I'm going to have to drink to
bringing the bane of my existence onto my ship, it should be with the
whiskey I prefer."
"Bourbon
it is, my lady."
"Shove
that courtly bullshit up your ass, Tom. Just for this, Kathryn, Raffi gets to
come with me to dinner at your place the next time I'm near Earth."
"Is
that something she wants?"
"I
don't know. But if it is, you have to invite her."
"Fine,
your girlfriend is always welcome."
"I've
never seen anyone throw a glass of bourbon back that fast. Are you two still together?"
"Quit
being insightful, Mr. Paris."
"I'm
sorry, Seven. I didn't understand that whole thing but I am sorry."
"Me,
too."
"Me,
three. More bourb—sure, you can just drink from the
bottle. No problem."
2.
"So I guess you finally have to meet with me." She had
chosen a table near the windows in the Officer's club. Let everyone see how
well she and her former Borg-hating captain got on.
"I
guess so." He sipped a glass of what was no doubt Malbec. "Let's at
least be honest. This was nobody's first choice."
"Or
at least nobody who is currently sitting at this table." She sipped her
bourbon—she'd made it a double.
"Yes,
that." He met her eyes. "I don't want a party."
"I
don't give a rat's ass what you want. Moreover, you trained me better than
that. 'We send a message with everything we do and everything we say,
Hansen.'"
"Yeah,
well we can send the message that we fucking detest each other. I'm fine with
that."
She
leaned back, unwilling to let him goad her the way she had so many times when
she was serving under him. She swirled her whiskey, watching the light catch
it.
"Oooh, someone's learned to hold her tongue."
She
slowly lifted her eyes, her expression stone. She used to be able to do this on
command when she was a ranger. Working with him—why had she been so fucking
volatile?
Why
had she wanted to be? And she still did, even if she wasn't going to give him
that.
"You
will have a party. We will make nice during it and after that, other than
ship's business, I will leave you alone in your domain and you can leave me
alone in mine."
"Sounds
hunky dory."
She
nodded. "I understand I'm not writing your review. That's irregular."
"I
asked for it to be. Gives me a level of independence I currently crave."
"You
gave me the ship. Yet you don't trust me to evaluate you fairly?"
"No,
I gave you Titan. It's not that anymore." His look was hard—but she
read heartbreak for the ship he loved, not any anger at her.
"I
hate that they changed the name."
"Way
to throw me a bone."
"I
don't throw bones unless it's the only weapon I have at hand." She studied
him. His hair was grayer but he'd bulked up in a good way. Working out no doubt—when
he wasn't fucking everything in sight.
Not
that she cared.
"It's
the Enterprise now. I can't change that. But I'd have kept it the
original name. I said I hate that it was changed and I mean that. You know me
well enough. I don't lie all that well when it comes to something like
this."
He
was studying her and she could imagine what he was seeing. She'd taken extra
care with her makeup. She wanted it to look like she had nothing on while still
looking as good as she possibly could.
How
many of the women he fucked looked like her?
Shit.
Why did it goddamn matter?
Why
did it matter how he'd looked at her when he died? How she hadn't been able to
leave him while telling her actual—if sort of ex—lover to leave her alone with
him. With her fucking back to active fire.
She
suddenly felt weird under his scrutiny. "What?"
"It
suits you. The extra pip."
"Being
earthbound suited you. I heard you had a great deal of fun." Oh, shit, no.
She had not just said that out loud.
But
he just laughed. "Jesus, you'd think a man never fucked anyone before the
way people talk about it."
"I
assume it's because you were so by the book."
"Having
some fun with non-Starfleet ladies isn't not by the book. I think it's the
epitome of the book." He leaned in. "Unlike say fucking your first
officer."
"We
had a prior relationship."
"Yeah,
that's not in the book."
"It's
in my book. The one I'm writing."
"Don't
use my review against me." But he was obviously fighting back a laugh.
She
knew she was not biting back the smile that was starting. "I missed the
mental stimulation of our...disagreements."
"Arguments.
Fights, even."
She
conceded with a nod. "Yes. Not always our finest moment."
He
swallowed hard. "It was the last thing T'Veen
heard us doing."
"I
know. I... Shame is I think the correct emotion to define how I feel when I
think about it. I try not to think about it."
"Until
you look at the science station. You got her sister in?"
She
nodded.
"I'd
have picked her too. I tried to get them both on when I first selected T'Veen but T'Vara decided to go
another way. Glad she found her way back."
"I
am surprised she trusts me."
"Who
says she does?"
She
frowned.
"I
don't mean she doesn't. It's just...we never really know, as captains. We give
the order and hope to hell they'll understand why or if not, just go with it.
Because they trust us. But sometimes they're just following orders."
She
nodded slowly. This was the Shaw she enjoyed most. The one who dropped the
bullshit and just talked to her, equal to equal, teaching her things without
overtly trying.
"I've
missed our arguments too. For what it's worth." He waved over a server and
ordered them a refill. "It's on me. I should have met with you when you
asked."
"I
wanted to apologize. For everything that happened with Picard."
"I
know."
"You
said we were good. And then never spoke to me again. The antithesis of
good."
"The
way I see it, things happened the way they needed to. Or we'd be dead or
assimilated or something not very pleasant. How it went down was...a suck-fest
but it worked out. So we're good."
It
still felt insufficient.
"Take
the win, Hansen." He seemed to be waiting for her to correct him.
It
felt exhausting to have to do it after everything. She started to get up.
"Seven,
sit. You can't leave when a refill's on its way. It's
bad luck."
"According
to...?"
"Me."
He finally gave her a tired grin. "Please. I'm sorry. I'm a dick. This is
news to neither of us."
"You
are. But the engines—they need you."
"Do
you? Need me?"
"So I'm told." She gave him a wry smile.
"What
do you say?"
"It
will be pleasant to feel safe when I ask for warp."
"Cable
really that over his head?"
"Since
H'ala left, yes. Before she retired, he was doing
fine."
"I'll
get him back on track." He smiled at the server then lifted his glass to
Seven. "To rehabbing lost souls."
"While
avoiding the fuck out of each other." She lifted her glass back.
"Sounds
good." He took a healthy swallow. "Now, tell me what else has
changed. I hear Crusher's on the ship? Whose call was that? His daddy's?"
"Mine."
She met his eyes, did not look away.
"Okay
then."
##
It
was shift change, and Shaw was getting to know what
horror had been visited on his engines when he heard footsteps—multiple feet.
He
looked up to see La Forge, Esmar, and Mura walk in
and all lean back against a bulkhead, arms crossed over their chests.
"Hello
to you too."
"You
never come up to the bridge," Esmar said, their
eyes stone cold.
"It's
super obvious you're avoiding it," La Forge said.
"Avoiding
us." Mura glared.
"Wow,
did you practice that or what?" He folded his arms over his chest to be
one with the group. "What role would I have up there exactly?"
"You
could say hello to T'Vara."
"I
said hello to her at my party." The party he'd said he hadn't wanted but
had enjoyed the hell out of. He'd missed these people more than he'd thought.
He
sort of loved that these three were down here telling
him off. "I'll be up tomorrow for the staff meeting. I'll make sure to
come up in the front lift, how's that?"
They
didn't seem to soften.
"Guys,
what do you think I'd accomplish up there? I'm serious. You need me, you know
where I am. Or you comm me and I'm there. Or one of my staff is. What is
this?"
New
footsteps entering and he recognized them and closed his eyes and prayed for
patience. "Crusher?"
"Okay,
they are doing the shittiest job ever just like I thought they would. They are
actually not here to make you feel bad. They are here to make sure you don't
hate them for having turned Borg."
"Of
course not. Not your fault." He looked at Crusher. "You're annoying
as fuck, but it's not your fault either. It was in your goddamned genes."
The
other three seemed to relax.
"You
thought I didn't come up because I was mad at you?"
They
all nodded.
"No.
Come on. You know me. I say what I think." He walked over and started with
Esmar. "Hug or handshake or just a head
nod?"
"Hug,"
they said as they grabbed him hard. "I missed you so much."
"Same,
Kova."
He'd
barely moved to Sidney before she launched herself at him. "You
died."
"I
did. But only for a while."
She
laughed and it was kind of a sniffly laugh and he realized she was crying.
"No
crying in engineering, Sidney."
"Sorry."
She grinned at him.
He
moved to Mura. "Matthew? Hug or—"
Mura
nearly knocked the breath out of him with his hug. "I'm so sorry. I should
have been too old."
"It's
not your fault you're a kid at heart."
"But
I have a kid. I shouldn't have turned."
"It
wasn't up to you, clearly. We're fine, Matthew."
He
heard Crusher coughing theatrically and let go of Mura. "No fucking hug
for you."
"I'm
shocked, Shaw. Truly." He laughed and then held out his hand.
"Bygones and all that?"
"Yeah,
fine." He took Crusher's hand in his, realized the kid had one hell of a
grip. "You arm wrestle?"
He
nodded.
"Take
you on some night in Ten Forward. Loser pays for the house."
"I'm
a lowly ensign."
"Who's
good for it or did I misunderstand the criminal part of your criminal
enterprise?"
"I
don't know that I'd call it an enterprise. More a family business caused by
necessity."
"Whatever.
Are you chickening out or what?"
"No,
fine, some night, yeah." He seemed to be studying Shaw's arms.
"You've beefed up though."
"Take
it back and look like a schmo in front of Sidney."
"He
already looks like one to me." She laughed when Crusher glared at her.
"I like him despite that."
"Can
you guys clear out? I was communing with my engines.
We're all fine, okay? Or...are you not okay with me?"
"No,
we're thrilled you're back," Esmar said gently.
"If
only for the arguments you're sure to have with the captain eventually."
Mura winked at him.
"Epic
stuff from what I've heard," Crusher said with a snicker. "All right,
guys. Let me go win our drinks tonight."
Everyone
looked happy so Shaw said, "By arm wrestling for them?"
Sidney
shot him a "you're a sucker look."
"Haven't
lost yet, sir." Crusher gave him the most exaggerated wink and then led
them all out.
He
stood staring at the exit, then went back to getting to know his engines,
talking to the beta shift staff as he made his way around the room.
There
was no fucking way Crusher was going to beat him.
Shit,
he needed to work on his arm muscles more—which ones were most important for
arm wrestling?
##
"So,
Captain, why is there no Malbec in the lounge?"
"Astonishingly
it wasn't requested once you left. Go to Ten Forward—it has everything. But
then you know that."
"Let
me guess. Bourbon orders went up. Suck up to whoever's in charge."
"Bourbon
is statistically one of the most popular liquors ordered. I had nothing to do
with it."
"Someone
had to take it off the menu."
"Wasn't
me. And as I said it's available in Ten Forward. Go there. I'll stay here. Have
a nice night, Shaw."
"I
don't want to go to there. I want to be here."
"Then
order something else."
"I
don't want to."
"I
don't give a rat's ass what you want. It is available, just not here. Use that
big brain of yours, Captain, and find it elsewhere."
"..."
"Nice
stare down, Sev. Guess you won since he left? Also,
everyone could hear you two."
"Only
those in the immediate vicinity."
"Which
is a lot of people because it's packed"
"Yes,
well, that's business as normal for us, Raff."
"Not
a great look."
"The
old crew are seriously used to it. The new ones will get used to it."
"Seven,
I think you two need to work— Don't shrug and make that face. You let him push
your buttons. And you find his and stomp on them—repeatedly."
"And
you care why?"
"Because...you
know what? I have no idea why I do if you two don't. This is agita I don't
need. You want a refill on that?"
"No,
I've had enough. Ginger ale?"
"Good
call. Another drink and you'd be following him to Ten Forward to fight
more."
"Would
not."
"I
am not going to argue with you. You're ridiculous."
"He's
a jerk."
"You're
both jackasses. But whatever. This is me getting us some refills."
3.
He
watched Seven come into the lounge and waited until she saw him to raise his glass
of Malbec to her.
She
frowned and walked over.
He
had the bottle on the table. And an extra glass. "It's on me."
"You
brought it from your private stash?"
"Nope,
they stock it here now."
Her
frown was even deeper. God it felt good to fight with
her. Even though this was just the beginning of a fight, but it sent shivers up
his neck just thinking about how quick her comebacks would be.
His
women of the moment had been very accommodating, most of them very smart
because he liked verbal foreplay and talking after sex, even if he'd never
slept over with any of them. But none of them had her ability to play
conversational cutthroat ping-pong. And he'd missed it.
"I'm
tight with the quartermaster."
"He
stocked the lounge with that? And I'm still waiting for a desk chair that
doesn't hurt my back?"
He
laughed and nodded. Then frowned. "My chair was really comfortable. Can I
have it back when your new one comes?"
She
looked anywhere but at him.
"Oh,
my God. What did you do?"
"When
you wouldn't meet with me I may have..." She took
a long breath.
"Destroyed
it and pretended I was sitting in it when you did?" He was laughing even
harder.
"Yes.
As a matter of fact. And it was really fucking comfortable. If the replicator
were big enough to do furniture I'd make a new one
just like it, but alas, per regulations, those requests go through the
quartermaster."
"At
least you learned the regs under me."
"Fuck
you."
"There
she is."
He
expected her to keep going but instead she leaned forward and lowered her
voice. "Raffi thinks we shouldn't fight so...visibly and loudly and in
front of the crew. Or possibly at all. I'm not sure but she was ummm appalled I think is the right word."
"But
it's our way."
"I
know."
"We've
always argued. Always."
"I
know. But maybe she's right? She understands people better than I do."
"I
understand people better than you do too. And I say it's fine. It's how we do
it."
"But
you're a self-proclaimed asshole."
He
couldn't help it; he laughed. "I am. But so are you. Minus the
self-proclaimed part."
"I've
been way less volatile lately."
"That's
because there was no one to fight with." He grabbed the glass and poured
her a decent amount. "Drink and forget about us not fighting. This is who
we are."
"Fine."
She downed half the glass.
"Okay
so I have something serious to ask. Crew related. Some of the younger crew came
to me—about being turned, was I mad at them, that kind of thing."
"You
were kind?"
"Of course I was kind. Jesus, Seven." Wow, it felt
really natural calling her that.
She
looked shocked that he had but stayed quiet. He liked this more measured woman
she was becoming, even if he didn't want that all the time. He'd seen this
person inside her—it was why he'd unreservedly recommended her for promotion.
"Anyway,
if whoever shot me is still on the ship, maybe they need to talk to me too? Get
closure. Or...forgiveness."
Her
face went so soft for a moment he felt like he was back on the floor of the
maintenance deck, with her hands holding his head, with her eyes tearing up.
"They transferred off."
"Do
you think they need forgiveness?"
She
nodded without hesitation. "But I'm not giving you the name. They didn't
want me to."
"If
I write something, will you make sure they get it?"
"I
will."
"Okay.
I'll do that. Are they prospering—wherever they went?"
"I
don't think so. I think you writing them would really help."
He
remembered how he felt after Wolf 359. How many people were watching out for
him, watching over him, ensuring he saw the next day even if it meant they were
with him all night drinking coffee and playing cards and just getting him
through to sunrise. "You're keeping tabs on them, right? People can look
like they're doing fine but..."
"Yes,
Liam, they're under observation. That's all I'm going to say."
"Fuck.
It's not their fault."
"I
know that."
"Did
you just call me Liam?"
"It
was a mistake. You got protective and it made me momentarily fond of you. It
won't happen again."
"You
can call me Liam. If you want. I mean obviously you can—you're the boss now.
The weird part of your name is that since you didn't go by Captain of Nine,
there's no way to tell if people are being familiar or not when they call you
Seven. I guess Spock went through that too. And Data. And—"
"Yes,
Shaw, I get the picture."
He
laughed. "Look at us not arguing loudly in front of impressionable crew.
Where is Raffi to witness this breakthrough?"
She
smiled and sipped her wine.
"You
guys are done, I guess?"
"Yeah.
Why?"
"Just
getting an idea of the landscape. I left and some things changed." He
leaned in and met her eyes. "It's not like I care who you are or aren't
fucking."
She
did not look away. "Not like I care who you are either."
"Well,
good. Glad we got that settled."
"Me,
too." She looked at her wine glass, making the liquid swirl the same way
she always did with her drinks. He liked how that hadn't changed. "How are
you finding Cable?"
"He
is overwhelmed. But he'll be okay. He's just not ready to lead yet. But I'll
get him there."
"Okay."
She finished her wine and stood. "I'm sorry. I'm just so beat."
"It's
no problem. Thanks for the talk and I'll get that note written."
She
smiled—her look so soft again. "Goodnight then."
"Goodnight."
##
She
stomped into engineering, trying like hell not to start crying before she got
to his office.
He
was working on something with Cable but stopped the moment he saw her
expression and met her at the door to his office, closing the door and engaging
the privacy screens. "I saw the report."
She
swallowed hard, trying to push back the tears.
"Did
you come here for a hug?"
"Fuck
you. I'd have gone to Raffi if I'd wanted that. I want you to tell me what I
did wrong. I thought everything was fine. And Samar died anyway. What was my
mistake? What regulation didn't I follow?"
She
dashed the tears that were leaking out.
He
sat down. "You want me to tell you what you did wrong?"
She
nodded. "Be brutally honest."
"I
read the report. I wasn't there."
"You
read between the lines better than anyone I know. What did I do wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?
I can't fix nothing."
"I
know." He sighed. "Sit down. I'm getting a crick in my neck."
When she didn't, he said, "Please, Seven?"
She
finally sat and just stared at him. "Are you going easy on me? First time
and all. Pity the poor incompetent captain?"
"Jesus
Fucking Christ, Hansen. No. Sometimes you do nothing wrong and someone dies. It
goddamn sucks. It does. And I can't make it better for you. I also can't tear
you apart so you feel suitably hurt for walking away from the mission in one
piece when Samar didn't." He sighed in what seemed like frustration.
"And I'm sorry I called you Hansen. It won't happen again."
"You
were being my captain. My captain called me Hansen. It's okay. I need that
captain right now."
"I
wish I could tell you Samar was reckless and pushed things, and this was bound
to happen, but she wasn't. I wish I could tell you that you have a blind spot,
and that was it, and now you can fix it, but you don't. I've been with you on
missions, and you look out for everyone. Always. But you can't protect everyone
all the time. Death fucking sucks but it happens."
She
closed her eyes. "She was there, and then they fired, and she looked at
me. I saw the light go out."
"Just
like you did with me? I was your first death, Seven. Not Samar."
"So
now I have two. Way to make me feel better, dipshit."
"Well,
mine didn't stick. So..."
"You're
still not making it better." Only he was; she felt steadier already.
"I've never made the call. To parents or partners or children. How do you
do it?"
"I
guess on Voyager Janeway never had to do that."
"There
was no one to tell." She sighed. "It ate her up sometimes. The weight
of all those deaths."
"Well,
it's not going to be you alone. You call the bereavement office. They're so
good. They do this all the time. You be sure to tell them it's your first
casualty. They understand what that means to a captain. Okay?"
She
nodded. "You're being really nice."
His
smile was very gentle. "You came to me for punishment. This is just me
being the unpredictable dick."
"I
didn't come to you for punishment. I came to you for clarity." She met his
eyes. "You've taught me a lot. I know you think I took none of those
lessons to heart, but I did."
"My
legacy?"
"We
all are. All of us who served under you." She stood. "I'm going to go
get that hug now from Raffi. And then I'm going to call the bereavement
office."
"Okay."
She
just stood there, willing her legs to move.
"Oh,
fuck it," he said and got up and walked around and pulled her into a hug.
"It's okay."
"Not
for Samar."
"No,
not for Samar."
She
let him go. "Thank you."
He
nodded. "You got your hug. Now go do your job and call the bereavement
office."
"Yes,
sir."
##
"Everything
okay?"
"Yes.
Thank you. They were super helpful. The call was excruciating though."
"It
always is."
"And
wonder of wonders the quartermaster got my chair done."
"Wow.
And we were just talking about that."
"He
never liked me."
"He's
over that now. We had a talk."
"Oh
really? Back to being captain, are we?"
"Nope,
just making sure old ties don't get in the way of efficiency on your
ship."
"Thank
you."
"Thank
you for sending me the reply to my note. There were questions. I'm going to
answer them—you'll send them on?"
"I
will."
"Tell
me who it is?"
"I
promised."
"Okay
but it would just be easier if—"
"I
fucking promised."
"Got
it. Sorry."
"No,
I get it. I get why you want to know. But I can't."
"Okay."
"Wow,
who knew talking at such a low volume was in either of your skill sets?"
"Hey,
Raffi. Yeah, we're working on that."
"No,
we're not. He's just saying that to make you think we are."
"Okay
that's probably true. But you didn't need to tell her. She doesn't know me that
well yet. We could have totally fooled her."
"I'm
not an idiot, Shaw."
"Of
that I'm well aware. This one wouldn't put up with you as her first officer if
you were."
"Are
you trying to charm me?"
"Oh,
I have no charm. You try that setting and you'll just get asshole."
"Good
talk."
"I
scared her off."
"Yeah but she's happy with us. Not arguing."
"Tomorrow's
another day. I'm sure we can find something to fight about."
4.
She
was with Shaw in engineering. Jack was there too, working with Cable. Shaw had
called in Gamma shift too just for the extra hands. Some kind of pulse from the
anomaly they'd been studying had knocked out the engines and it was all hands on deck to get things back up and running.
"Captain,
we've got a problem," sounded in the earbud she was wearing. She'd given
Shaw the other one since he was working with the bridge crew to check on panel
statuses.
"What
is it?" they answered as one and then he laughed and said, "Sorry.
Old habits die hard."
"What
is it, Raff?"
"A
ship, shields up, weapons targeted. They're hailing. How much time do you
need?"
She
looked at Shaw and he answered, "We're almost done. Five minutes?"
She
rolled her eyes because that was pushing it but trust him to not emulate Scotty
in the exaggerate the time aspect. "Stall them, Raff."
"How...?"
"Be
James T. Kirk," Shaw said.
"What
the hell does that mean?"
"Improv,"
she and he said together. "You're Captain Musiker." Both she and Shaw
adjusted their earbuds so they wouldn't interfere with Raffi's concentration.
"Hurry,"
Raffi said before telling Esmar, "Open a
channel," as they worked at a much more frantic pace.
Then
she said, "Hi, boys," in the most seductive voice imaginable, and
both Seven and Shaw started to laugh. "This is
Captain Musiker of the USS Enterprise."
"She
went for that aspect of Kirk?"
"She'll
go with whatever works." But Seven started
laughing when whoever was on the other end said, "Oh, hi," in a
slightly shell shocked way. She'd felt the same way when she first laid eyes on
Raffi.
"Funny
way of saying hello, boys. Shields up and weapons targeted. I'm hurt."
"Jesus,
she's good." He gently installed the chip and yelled over to Cable,
"You got yours settled?"
"Yep."
She
looked at Jack and he made a face and shrugged. Shaw obviously saw it too and
said softly, "If I go check his work, I'll ruin the progress we've made.
But if you do..."
"On
it." She ran over and said, "Just want to make sure yours looks like
ours. What a mess these are." She did a quick check, saw it was fine, and
said, "Thanks, guys," and ran back.
"It's
fine."
"Nicely
done."
"Yeah,
well, you should see me without my implants."
"Well,
nobody has so..."
"Actually..."
She sighed. "Nope. Too long a story for now."
"Is
it too long a story for later?" He didn't look at her as he asked.
"I'm
not sure."
"Fair."
He traded tools with her. "Raffi's just being super quiet? Is that a
tactic?"
"Oh,
God, yeah. The Raffi stare of silence. It's terrifying if you're at the
receiving end."
"Good
to know. Hold here." He worked around her hands, just like they used to,
an intricate dance they did better than she thought they ever would on an
actual dance floor.
"So,"
whoever was on the other ship said, "we've never heard of a Captain
Musiker. Prepare to be boarded."
"What?
They've got the Starfleet directory at their disposal?" Shaw shook his
head.
Raffi
didn't miss a beat. "I know. That's because I was taken off my old ship
because I have this nasty habit of shooting first and asking questions later.
I'm trying to reform my reputation. Take a beat. Not blow you out of the sky
for pissing me off. You know? People can grow, right?"
They
both laughed as they worked.
"We're
the ones with the weapons targeted. And shields—which you do not appear to
have."
"Oh,
I have them. But does a person bring out a thermal cannon to swat a fly? No.
Your cute little ship with its darling little shields might as well be made of
tissue paper." She sounded like she was on the move, approaching the
screen. "Did you know that the Klingons have three hundred and forty seven ways to remove a limb without anesthesia and not
have the victim bleed out? I have a very good friend who's taught me eighteen
of them." Her voice was so fucking sexy as she threatened them.
"Jesus,
she's terrifying." He put the last chip in and yelled, "Everyone
good?"
Teams
started yelling back, all good.
"All
right. All clear while I power this up."
She
waited, tensed for something to go wrong, and the engines sort of hiccuped. Then they came to glorious life.
"Your
ship is ready, Captain Seven."
"You're
my hero, Captain Shaw." She was already programming the commands to raise
shields, to target weapons. She knew Mura would understand what he was seeing
happening on his panel. Wouldn't panic.
Raffi
was still going, but her tone had changed—she knew the ship had the power she
needed. "Since I'm not supposed to hack up prisoners anymore, it's not
really fun to take prisoners. So, maybe I will use the cannon to swat the fly.
I'm thinking it might be interesting to try to slice your ship in two. But
diagonally, like a fancy sandwich. You still think you can board my ship,
boys?"
"It's
like the best radio show ever." Shaw grinned at her and she nodded back.
"Ship
has retreated. Do we pursue?" La Forge asked.
"No,"
both Seven and Shaw said but they weren't on speaker
to Raffi.
"No,
the Enterprise looks dangerous now. Let's not move and find out she's
not."
"God damn I love her, Seven."
"I
know. She's awesome." Then she looked over at him. "You don't really,
right?"
He
laughed. "Figure of speech." He went back to the panel, closing
things up. "Would you care?" he asked softly.
"Of
course not. Free planet."
"Ship.
It's a free ship."
"Fuck
you, Liam."
"Yeah,
fuck you too, Seven." He gave her his loopiest grin and she hated how much
it made her melt. "Like old times working together."
"Yeah.
Yeah, it was."
##
Shaw
looked down at the bottle of bourbon he'd ordered and took a deep breath then
headed off to his old quarters. He rang the chime, fighting the urge to see if
he was still on the door.
Seven
opened it. She was in shorts and a cut-up sweatshirt and her hair was wet, her
skin free of makeup and holy shit she looked good.
He
forced himself to stop staring. Told himself to not worry that he'd spent way
too long picking which casual clothes would be the right ones for this
delivery. "So, when I made the review, I ordered this and had it delivered
to my parents' house. If Starfleet listened to me, it was going to be my
congratulations present on your promotion. If not, I would have found some
other excuse. But they did, so..." He handed her the bottle.
"Congratulations."
She
looked at the label and her face was shocked.
"This is Pappy."
"Yeah,
I know."
"Pappy
Van Winkle. Fifteen year."
"Yeah,
I know, Seven. I bought the fucking stuff."
"Have
you had it?"
"No.
Have you?"
"No.
This is so expensive. And hard to find."
"It
is. But how often do you make captain? Or you were going to be rid of me and my
calling you Hansen and being a general bug up your ass so it seemed like you
deserved it even if you didn't make captain."
She
seemed truly delighted with the gift.
He
knew he was smiling way too big. "I'd tell you to share it with Raffi but
I've noticed she sticks to soft drinks or water."
She
nodded quickly but didn't give him any more information on that.
"You're
so loyal. It's what I liked best about you. Other than arguing with you."
She
moved out of the way and said, "Come in. Drink this with me."
"Yeah?"
She
nodded. "Because, I wasn't loyal. Not to you. Not when it counted."
He
followed her in. She hadn't done much to change the quarters. "I like how
you made it your own. Jesus, would art on the wall kill you?" He'd asked
for his own back so every wall was blank.
"I
guess I should do that. I've never been a big collector of things. Drones
travel light, obviously. Don't think I ever lost that."
He
walked to her closet. "Can I test that theory?"
She
nodded and he opened the door. It was neater than his closet was. And not full
of clothes. Not empty either. Just enough, he thought.
He
closed the door and turned back to her. "You were loyal. Just not to
me."
She
looked down.
"No,
that's more an observation than a criticism at this point. People act like
loyalty's an absolute but it's not. It's relative. Your loyalty to Picard
trumped any you had for me. And I bet your loyalty to Janeway would trump what
you have for Picard."
She
seemed to think about that, then nodded.
"I
lost sight of that. I just was so mad. So..." Did he want to give her this
part? Yeah, yeah he did. "Hurt."
"I
know." She turned away, getting glasses, letting him so very gracefully
off the emotional hook. "Ice?"
"No."
She
poured and handed him his, then smelled the small fortune residing in her
glass. "Yum."
He
didn't move, just watched her as she took the first sip, as she closed her eyes
and smiled and said, "Fifteen years shut up in a cask is good for the
soul."
"If
you're liquor. For humans, not so much."
She
laughed. "Right."
"Some
people think it ages in the bottle too. That it's fifteen plus however many
years."
"I'm
not one of those people."
"Didn't
say you were."
She
laughed and rolled her eyes at him. "I don't want to argue over Pappy.
Drink. Come on."
He
took a sip, knowing it wouldn't live up to the hype because so little did.
But... "Holy shit, this is good."
"Yeah."
Her smile was luminous. "It really is." She sat down and studied him.
"Is it weird being in here again? Not having it be yours?"
He
chose the chair across from her. "Yeah, a little, I guess. But no. Because
I'm actually really fucking happy in engineering."
"I
thought you were. You smile a lot."
"Yeah,
I didn't do a lot of that on Earth, looking back. I was just sort
of...peacefully there but not stimulated."
"So
how did you become such a chick magnet?"
"Not
gonna let that go, are you?"
"I
never saw you hit on anyone during the time we served. Peers from other ships.
Civilians on shore leave. No one—well, I guess you could have on home
leave."
"Were
you watching for that?" He grinned to let her know any answer was okay.
"Maybe?
I guess I wanted to know what a captain does when they're lonely. Janeway
retreated to her room and wouldn't talk to anyone until she was out of her
funk. Picard pretended he didn't need anyone. You just seemed copacetic being a
monk."
He
laughed out loud. "A monk? You were a fucking nun."
"So you were watching me?"
"Making
sure you didn't make a misstep that would have tarnished such a new record. Voyager
had to be a weird place to learn protocol. You were all alone out there.
Relationships had to endure or end amicably. No one to gossip to outside the
ship. I mean you were dating the first officer and nobody said a word,
right?" When she nodded, he went on. "Which you did again with Raffi.
So I guess I don't know why I even questioned
it." He laughed and drank more of the very excellent whiskey.
"I'm
glad we both had such professional reasons for caring whether or not the other
was sexually active."
"Yeah.
Pretty great of us." He wasn't laughing anymore. She wasn't either. And
was it suddenly super hot in here?
He
downed the rest of his drink in one swallow. "I'm going to let you enjoy
that in peace."
"Thank
you for this. It means the world."
"We
were bosses today in engineering."
"Yes,
we were."
He
got all the way to the door before the words he was desperately trying to hold
back came out. "I've really missed you."
"Me
too."
He
turned to look at her. "We should go back to fighting. Or it'll confuse
everyone."
"Including
us."
"Yeah.
Especially us."
"I'll
fight with you tomorrow. Tonight I'm just going to
enjoy this." She patted the bottle lovingly. "Goodnight, Liam."
"Goodnight,
Seven."
##
"Uh,
what are they doing, Sev?"
"Who?"
"Shaw
and Crusher."
"Oh,
arm wrestling. Whoever loses buys Ten Forward a drink."
"Shaw's
going to break off that fool's arm."
"Raffi,
no. Jack's going to own him."
"Have
you looked at Shaw's arms?"
"Well,
you apparently have."
"Oh,
come on. Those are good arms. Oh. Huh. Not what I expected."
"What's
happening? I don't want to turn around and appear to be condoning this
idiocy."
"Boys
really are dumb."
"God.
So dumb."
"They're
not even moving. Crusher's face is so red I'm afraid he's going to have an
aneurism or something and we'll have to explain to his mother what we let
happen."
"Okay
that's terrifying. And Shaw?"
"I
didn't know there were that many veins on a human face. Do they pop at some
point? Is this going to be bloody?"
"Oh for fuck's sake. Wow, you were not kidding on the
redness. And no, there aren't normally that many veins."
"One
of us has to do something."
"I'll
do it. Perk of the big title."
"Yeah,
right."
"Okay,
children. I declare this a draw and everyone will just have to pay their own
bar tab tonight."
"Sev—Captain. I had him right where I wanted him."
"Your
face is purple, Jack. And you. This vein is about to explode."
"Quit
pushing it then. And I don't even have a vein there."
"Yes.
Yes, you do. Okay, everyone, listen up. No more arm wrestling in Ten Forward.
It's my first directive that no one may like but there it is. You want to arm
wrestle, go to the gym."
"There
is a long storied history of these bouts of strength
and leverage happening in bars."
"Jack,
shut it."
"He's
not wrong."
"Shaw,
you're not helping."
"I'm
not trying to. I had him right where I wanted him."
"Go.
To. The. Gym."
"No."
"Yeah,
what he said. Liam and I stick together."
"Crusher,
we are not on the same team. We are on opposite teams. That's why this is
happening. And I will beat you."
"In.
The. Fucking. Gym."
"Fine,
party pooper captain."
"Go
with him. Or did you also have something brilliantly lame to say to me, Captain
Shaw?"
"No,
what he said pretty much covered it."
"Gym."
"Going
now."
"I'm
not sure moving venues was the way to go, Sev."
"They're
wrestling, even if it's just arms. Wrestling is a sport thing. Sport things
happen in the gym."
"You
seem weird."
"If
bad things happens to people working out or doing
sport things in the gym, I'm off the hook. It's this weird regulation I found.
Shaw has to know it."
"You're
reading regulations now? Who are you?"
"I
know. I ask myself that each time I open the rules and regs file."
"Glad
I'm not the captain."
"It
was kind of fun. My first directive. I may have to do more. The power rush...I
get the Queen now."
"Riiii-ght. Let's pretend you did not just say that."
5.
Shaw
found Seven in the mess the next morning. "This seat taken?" He slid
into the booth before she could answer.
"Yes,
actually."
"By
your imaginary friend?" Fuck, was she really meeting someone? He studied
her and decided she wasn't. "You can't kick people out of a holodeck,
Captain Seven. What they do in one, so long as it doesn't violate holodeck
privacy protocols and the safeties, is their business."
She
slowly ate her eggs, looking at him like he was a particularly weird science
project.
"You
have no smart-ass retort?"
She
sipped her coffee and then said, "No, I do. But I'm savoring this moment. So fucking sweet." She went back to her eggs.
He
decided to plow into his oatmeal if she was going to play it that way. Let her
taste silence too.
Only
she was smiling like he'd really fucked up and she didn't usually do that
unless he had.
She
finished and held her coffee to her lips but didn't drink, just stared at him
over the mug, her eyes dancing.
"What?"
"It's
just, back when I first started with you, in the fantasies I used to play out
to help me sleep at night, finding a reg that you didn't know was so high on
the list. So high."
"That
was a fantasy?"
"I
didn't say it was an erotic one. More payback."
"Oh,
the not so fun kind of fantasy."
"Stay
on topic, Shaw." She put her mug down. "Regulation on Holodeck
Liabilities and Conduct, Subhead: Enduring Open-Access Holoprograms."
Fuck
him. That sounded official enough. "What number?"
"Five
hundred fifty seven point two two
five part f. 'If a holodeck program is allowed to run for more than twenty-four
hours, is not being used for designated training, and is open to all, the
holodeck is treated like any other official area of the ship or
installation.'"
"Fuck
me." He hung his head in mock shame. "Captains are liable."
"Yep.
Or the ranking officer in the room. So you might be in
this case. You've been a captain longer."
"Your
position is higher."
"But
it's your program. I looked it up. Riker didn't put it on repeat: you
did."
"Damnnnnnn. Really fucking satisfying."
"So,
so satisfying."
"And
the gym is exempt. Physical activities are by their nature prone to
accidents." He admired her game play.
"And
you were wrestling. It's on the list."
"We
were arm wrestling."
"A
feat of strength and leverage, right? Not unlike judo or what else...? Oh,
right, like I said: regular wrestling." She smiled with a smug
closed-mouth smile. It was really fucking annoying. "Just protecting
myself, Captain Shaw."
He
pulled out his padd just to make sure. She was ballsy enough to bluff.
Fuck—there
it was. "I bow—in this instance only—to the greater recall of
regulations."
She
laughed and it was the cackle that had so taken him by surprise when he first
heard it. Several people in the mess turned around to see who'd brought a goose
to breakfast—must be newbies.
Then
she grabbed his mug and her own and stood.
"I
add—"
"I
know what you add to your coffee." She rolled her eyes and sauntered off
like she owned the place, which she kind of did.
He
went back to his oatmeal, shaking his head. The Seven he'd first met would
never have beaten him on a regulation issue. Was she actually reading the regs
database for fun?
He
felt so proud.
She
gently set his mug in front of him and put a plate of danish
between them.
"Those
weren't there before."
"They
still aren't there. You have a special relationship with the quartermaster and
I have one with the cook."
"Oh,
just because you let him fly the fucking ship? I could have done that."
She
laughed and said, "Shut up. They're made fresh."
"Fine,
rub it in." But he took one and holy shit: heaven.
"See?
You lose at regs, you lose at breakfast sweets."
"You
forgot one: I have the most annoying dining companion."
"I
thought you missed me."
"That
was the whiskey talking."
"You
can hold your alcohol nearly as well as I can."
Sadly this was true.
Made it hard to blame his lack of tact on that. Pain meds on the other hand—especially
when prescribed by Jack's mommy... "So...you
missed me too?"
"Did
I say that? I was overcome by your generosity. Threw you a bone."
"You
said that's not your style."
"I
did say that, didn't I?" She was not looking away, and he wasn't either,
and he realized it was again getting really fucking hot where they were
sitting.
"What
are we doing, Seven?"
"We're
arguing, Liam."
"It
doesn't feel like it."
"Then
enjoy it."
He
frowned and looked away, and he could practically feel her crumple.
"Oh,
shit. I am so sorry, Shaw. If I've made you uncomfortable, I—"
"Hey,
no, it's okay. And you didn't. Well, maybe a little. But..." He took a
deep breath, thought about whether saying what he wanted to say was a good
idea. Oh, fuck it. "But I don't mind the discomfort in this case."
She
swallowed hard.
"One
of my favorite fantasies was you reading the regs to me."
"Was
I clothed?"
"I'm
going to get in trouble if I answer that. This wasn't a payback type of
thing."
She
laughed, the cackle again, and he laughed too and he knew people were staring
at them, but he didn't care. "Dangerous ground, Shaw," she murmured.
"Yeah.
I'm going to blame it on being so ashamed that you bested me in rule
knowledge." He focused on his danish instead of
her. "So, we have Starbase Twenty in a few days.
Fun place."
Her
whole demeanor changed. "Unfortunately, I have meetings."
"Now
you know how I used to feel when the party was going on and I was in a
conference room."
"No.
because I was on the bridge. I usually stayed so others could go have
fun."
"You
can't do that as captain."
"Yes,
I can."
He
took a steadying breath the way he used to have to when she was in mule mode.
"I always showed up once I was done with the meetings."
Her
look changed to the slightly pissed off one he was just as familiar with as the
stubborn one. "I'm not you."
"They
need to see you."
"They
see me here." Her tone had changed. The intimacy was gone.
"Am
I missing something?"
"I'm
not good at parties. You know this."
He
did know it. Unless the party was on the ship with people she knew. But there
was something else in her expression, something that had probably always been
there but he'd missed it. "What are you leaving out?"
"I
know what it's like to enter a room without any trace of Borg to color the
reaction. To walk up to a group of complete strangers and have them not just
tolerate but actually welcome me."
"I'm
missing so much context for this. You were a kid when you were assimilated so
how...?"
"It's
still too long a story. It's what preceded the Stargazer bullshit, as
you used to call it." She was tearing the danish
apart rather than eating it. "I wasn't good at socializing before then.
I'm certainly not now. When every stare and glare and muttered comment reminds
me of how amazing it felt to be simply human." She finally met his eyes.
"So, you can hold down the fort when it comes to partying with the crew
off ship. Raffi's actually good at it too. As is Ohk.
So we're covered."
"This
question may sound like I'm trying to get us back to where we were before I
brought up the starbase, but did you feel beautiful
without implants?"
"I
was beautiful without them." She wasn't meeting his eyes, and had
gone back to her willful destruction of breakfast pastry.
"What
about with them?"
"It's
different. You wouldn't believe the things people say— My favorite is how
pretty I am despite them." She pushed the plate away. "Is now when
you throw me the bone? Tell me I'm gorgeous. That you don't even notice
them?"
"I
always notice them."
"You
always notice everything. So that was a stupid question." She seemed like
she was about to get up.
"Hey,
did I do something to make you uncomfortable? The mood changed super fast."
"No.
I'm sorry. This base was the closest to where my territory was as a ranger. I
hated coming here. They hated me coming here. It was a mutual hate me coming
here society."
"Well,
you're not Ranger Seven of Nine anymore. You're Captain Seven of Nine. And you
get the name and serial number of anyone who gives you shit."
"And
do what with it?"
"Give
it to Raffi. I'd say give it to me but I really think she's scarier."
Finally a smile again.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get so...weird."
"Hey,
you sometimes had to put up with me at my weirdest. I'm just returning the
favor."
"Thank
you. I'm going to let you finish in peace." She stood and rested her hand
on his shoulder as she passed.
He
frowned, but he understood. She really wasn't socially adept when it was a
social event in a public place. If she wasn't watching her back in some kind of
holdover from her ranger days, she was acting more awkward than she actually
should have been.
Add
in bad memories from this starbase, then add in that
they'd let things get really sexy there for a moment and yeah, too much.
It
had been fun though before he mentioned the starbase.
Almost made up for her getting one over on him with the regs.
##
Seven
walked into the Starbase Twenty bar that Jack had
told her the crew would be at, feeling the eyes of the manager on her. Yep,
same one who hated her when she was a ranger. He probably owned the place.
She
stared him down, silently daring him to try to kick her out now that she was
not only Starfleet but a captain, but he just pointed to the back of the bar
where the dance floor was with a resigned look.
Wow.
That felt good.
Until
she got to where Raffi was leaning against the wall people-watching and saw
Shaw dancing with someone. Someone really fucking pretty.
Raffi
studied her. "Hey, you. Long meetings?"
She
nodded. The music ended. She saw another woman claim him. Just as pretty.
Raffi
seemed to follow her gaze. "For what it's worth, they're asking him."
"I
don't care."
"Uh
huh. You've been in a weird mood all week."
"No,
I haven't."
Raffi
laughed. "As your friend, I am no longer obligated to follow you where that
kind of response generally led when we were together. Being exes is nice."
"Yes,
being exes with me is always fucking nice." Shit she needed a drink.
And
she was in uniform and no one else from her crew was. They looked so nice in
going-out clothes. Did she even have any?
"You
look like someone died, Seven." Raffi turned her and walked her to the
bar. "Order."
"That
bourbon," she pointed to one on a high shelf. If she was going to feel
like shit, she was going to drink good whiskey doing it. "A double.
Rocks."
The
very pretty woman tending bar nodded but then gave Raffi a huge smile. "Do
you want a refill on the cola? My treat?"
"Sure,"
Raffi said with a brilliant smile.
Seven
felt invisible. She rolled her eyes and turned so she could see where Shaw was.
The
music must have changed without her noticing because he was nowhere to be seen.
His dance partner must have been on his "safe to fuck" list.
"Your
whiskey, Captain." The woman barely looked at her as she pushed it to her
and handed over the retina scanner.
She
scanned in, then gave it back and turned to leave her and Raffi to ogle each
other in peace. But as she looked up, she realized Shaw was standing in front
of her, sipping a glass of red wine.
"Hi,
Seven."
"Hi,
Liam."
"You
look pissed."
"I
shouldn't have come."
"I'm
glad you did." He took her arm and urged her to the stairs that led to the
upper level. "We can watch the kids play from up here."
"Oh,
but there's so many more pretty women to dance with. Whatever will they do
without your company?"
He
laughed. "Fuck, you're cranky." He walked to the railing that doubled
as a bar for drinks.
A
slight sparkle showed the force field that would keep anything on the bar from
falling over onto the people below, and she trailed her finger along it,
smiling as it made pretty lights. "I used to do this as a kid."
"Me
too. I was fascinated by the concept."
"Yeah."
She grinned. "And it's beautiful. Like the women you're not with. How sad
they must be."
"I
was dancing because I was bored without someone to fight with. But now I've got
you so my night is complete."
"Don't
fight with me tonight."
"Well,
I haven't really so far so..." He sipped his wine. "Drink. You need
to relax just a little, okay?"
She
did as he said and felt the warm glow of the whiskey. It was good stuff. Scanning
the crowd, she saw T'Vara laughing. "So hard to
get used to that."
He
followed her gaze. "I know. They were twins but they diverged in how they
embraced their heritages."
"Deltans
always seem so free."
"She's
still got enough Vulcan to cause dissonance." He sighed. "I actually
think T'Veen might have had it easier. She knew who
she was. T'Vara doesn't always want to visit family
if we ever stop at Vulcan."
"Good
to know." She looked over at him. "Thank you."
"For
the captain-to-captain knowledge transfer?"
"For
finding me." She sighed, way too dramatically and whispered, "Do you
remember when I told you about Icheb. The woman
who..."
He
nodded.
"I
met her here the last time I saw her. I came back after his death—damn near
tore the place up, questioning anyone who looked like they might know
her." She closed her eyes. Trying to forget base security showing up, the
manager out front having called them, leaving before they could escort her out.
Knowing she was being watched all the way to her ship.
"Why
didn't you just say that the other day?"
"Because
me right after his death is a period I've tried to bury."
"I
actually get that. There's a couple years after Wolf 359 that I don't like to think
about."
She
lifted her drink and realized her hand was shaking. "God damn it."
"Come
on." He put his arm around her and led her to a secluded part of the
upstairs, pulling her into a round booth then letting go of her but before he
could slide away, she touched his arm and said, "Don't pull away.
Please?"
"I
can't even tell you what hearing you say that, like that, does to me. But
you're hurting and you're really off balance, and if anything were to happen,
we'd never know. Was it us or just a really shitty night for you when anything
would do?"
"You're
not anything."
"All
those women you seem to like to talk about? They were. They were
anything."
"Anything..."
"There's
you, Seven. And then there's anything else." He swallowed visibly.
"But
you wouldn't meet me when I asked."
"Because
there's you and every other fucking person. And as long as I kept you in a
little box, way out of reach, then I never had to find out that the only woman
I've loved in, well, a lot of fucking years didn't feel the same for me."
"You
fucked them all because you wanted me?"
"You
make that sound really noble."
She
laughed. "You know what I mean."
"Yeah,
I fucked them all because I wanted you."
"But
you don't want me tonight?"
He
brushed her hair back and let his finger linger on the tip of her eyebrow
implant. "There's not a fucking night that I don't want you. I just think
you're a little too vulnerable tonight. I want to be sure that you're really
with me." His half smile was gorgeous and sheepish. "But I'll happily
stay in this booth all night with you, talking shop. Or about Icheb. Or whatever you want. Maybe you could tell me the
long version of the pre-Stargazer thing?"
She
smiled gently. "I could do that."
"I'm
going to move away a little bit. It's not a rejection."
She
nodded, kept her smile gentle, but didn't look away and he wasn't looking away
either.
And
it felt so damn good.
"So
where does this adventure start?" His smile was so tender that she reached
out and traced his lips. "You can't do that. Not tonight. I want to be the
guy with resolve but if you touch me..."
"Okay."
She moved away a little bit. "That wasn't rejection either.
Just...prudence." She took a sip of her drink then said, "It started
and ended on the Stargazer."
"Oooh, double the bullshit. Okay, once upon a time there was
a gorgeous woman named Seven of Nine and she was on the Stargazer...why?"
"I
thought I was telling the story?"
"You
are."
"Then
why are you starting it?"
"You
know... In case you need help getting going."
"I'm
perfectly capable of starting my own story."
He
started to laugh. "I love this part—the arguing—more than anything."
Then his smile got very mischievous. "So far anyway..."
"Can
I tell my goddamn story or do you want to sit here making inferences to the sex
you won't let us have tonight?"
"That's
actually a tough choice." He laughed at her expression. "Fine,
scratch the 'once upon a time' shit. Tell it your way, my captain."
"Once
upon a time..."
"See,
I knew it started that way."
She
rolled her eyes, then launched into it.
##
"This
seat taken, Sev?"
"Raff,
my table is your table. Big breakfast. Someone worked up an appetite."
"Uh,
and where'd you disappear to last night?"
"The
upper level. Where'd you disappear to last night? I came down from upstairs and
you—and the lovely bartender—were gone."
"She
needed help in the stockroom."
"You
fucked her in the stockroom? Raffaela Musiker."
"She
was working a double. It was that or nothing. She gave me her number
after."
"Of course she did. Only an idiot wouldn't."
"I
saw Shaw take you up there. Did you...?"
"I
told him about our adventures in the alternate timeline and the past."
"Oh.
Wow."
"Me.
Without the implants. I realized as I was telling it that I wasn't great to
you."
"You
were enjoying being free."
"Yeah,
but I wasn't great to you. And I'm sorry."
"Thanks.
I really like being friends with you."
"It's
working. I wasn't sure. Our other off periods were 'off again but for who knows
how long' periods and this is really over and..."
"I
know. So...I didn't see Shaw on the dance floor again
last night. He was up with you the whole time? Hearing tales of our derring-do
and wacky adventures?"
"Yeah.
And he told me some stuff and I told him other stuff. You know, talking. It was
really nice."
"You're
blushing."
"Am
not."
"Again,
not going to argue with you. You have him for that."
"Yeah.
I think I actually do."
"Well,
duh. Do you two have any idea how close you stand?"
"No.
Really? Is that something else we have to work on?"
"No.
Unlike the overly intense pleasure you two take in arguing, it's really sweet.
I'm happy for you."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah.
He's growing on me."
"I
know. He does that."
"Like
mold. Sorry, didn't mean to make you snort coffee."
6.
Seven
had given Raffi the conn and was working in her ready room when the back chime
sounded. "Come."
It
was Liam. He had the sweetest, shyest smile she'd ever seen on him.
She
loved it.
"Hi,"
she said softly.
"I
didn't rush right up because in case last night was just a bad night for you,
and we said some things, and it was fun then, but you've thought about it and—"
She
stood and he shut up. She walked over to him, staring deep into his eyes, a
smile she knew was way more playful than her norm on her lips, and he swallowed
visibly. "Let's try that again, Captain Shaw. Hi."
"Hi."
His smile grew bigger. "So you're not rethinking
things."
"Are
you? You told me you were in love with me."
"I
am. No rethinking necessary."
"Well,
same here." She moved closer but he put his hand up. "Are you against
kissing?"
"I'm
so not." He laughed. "Okay, hear me out for a second. I really,
really would like to just pull you into my arms and kiss you like I really hope
you've never been kissed. And then put you up against the wall like I wanted to
so many times but..." He took a breath and exhaled slowly. "We've got
time. And there's all these things that will be our first time doing them. And
what if we took it slow and relished those?"
She
knew her smile was beyond sappy. "Really?"
"I
mean, unless you don't want to? There's two of us here and I don't run things
and—"
"Jesus,
you talk a lot." She started to laugh.
"I'm
really fucking nervous, okay?" He pulled her a little bit closer. "I—what
do you want?"
"When
you left, the thing I missed most about having you here was having you here.
Just...sitting next to you, feeling the energy between us." She searched
his eyes. "Did you feel it? When we were just sitting there?"
"Fuck
yeah. It was an arcing current. Safe for only us—and barely that."
"Exactly.
And then it was gone—you were gone. And I've just...missed you. I know I was
with Raffi and you had your anyones, but I missed
you."
"Same."
"So,
what I want is to get out of this room and take a walk around our ship, Captain
Shaw."
"That
sounds amazing but you realize there's an old tradition that doing that with no
real destination in mind is pretty much—"
"A
courtship walk. Do you think I learned nothing on Voyager?"
"Raffi
has the conn?"
She
nodded. "And she's used to me being in here and then off to some
department or other. Same as you used to do." Same as Janeway did too.
She
had trouble seeing Picard doing it though. He struck her as a captain who
stayed put. But he was ops track while Janeway and Shaw came up to the big
chair through other channels. Maybe that's why they were less at home just
sitting on the bridge? Maybe why she was too?
"Well,
let's go then. We'll be sending a message to the crew though."
"Liam,
are you going to be this annoyingly cautious the entire time? Because if so,
I'm going to push you against the wall and—"
"You're
a new captain. I don't want you to send messages you're not fully prepared to
send just because we're caught up in this. You can't take back the
message."
"I'm
reckless, remember? Besides, how often did we hear 'Get a room?' during our
arguments?"
"Good
point. Okay, I will cease to question your decisions regarding this."
"That
I seriously doubt."
He
laughed as he walked to the door and hit the panel to open it. "My lady?
Shall we begin our courtship?"
"Yes,
please." She followed him to the back lift. They rode it in silence,
followed by walking in silence, but with little glances at each other, silly
smiles.
Finally she asked,
"Can we talk shop during this? Your rules are unclear."
He
laughed. "They aren't my rules."
"Well they aren't my rules. I was going to kiss you up
there."
"Of course we can talk shop."
"Okay,
so I've been having Jack cross-train in all the departments. But I was holding
off on engineering for obvious reasons. But now that you're here, I don't need
to...except..."
"Except?"
"Except
I can't tell if you like him or not."
"I
wouldn't arm-wrestle someone I don't like."
"Oh
my God, you would too. You'd do it even harder. Your veins would pop like they
were doing."
He
laughed. "Okay, yeah, maybe. But I might also have another reason for
doing that. Because...you seem to really like him."
"You're
jealous? Of Jack Crusher?" She was so enchanted by this side of him.
"He reminds me of Tom Paris when I first met him."
"You
know I know Tom and Bey, right? They totally called that I was gone on
you."
She
laughed and looked away. "B'Elanna might have
said something similar to me."
"They're
going to be insufferable when we get together with them. We have to—I really
like them. You really like them, right?"
"I
do. B'Elanna and I didn't like each other at all at
first."
"Yeah,
I may have heard about that." He grinned. "She loves you now."
"I
know. So was that a yes for Jack?"
"Yes."
"Great.
Raffi will reach out. She's in charge of his schedule."
"Got
it. Is she okay with us?"
"She
is. Well other than the arguing. Did you realize we stand really close?"
She looked at how close they were walking and started to laugh. "You'd be
lucky to get a padd between us."
He
grinned. "You want me to move away some?"
"Nope."
"Good.
And we've always done that. But in engineering you've often got multiple people
working in small spaces. You can't be precious about your personal
bubble."
"And
I was a drone."
"Right.
So we're just being us."
"Except
we've got that arcing electrical current thing."
"Yeah,
I love that. I can feel it now." His look was sweet and predatory. A mix
she wouldn't have thought he'd be capable of but he was. It sent a tingle down
her neck and spine.
She
bit her bottom lip lightly and watched as his eyes went right to it. "You
know it occurs to me that all your women of the moment might have only been for
the moment because you're a horrible lover. I'm going to spend all this
time...and then...?" She looked up at him with a daring look.
"Chance you take when you take it slow." He led her to
the lift and told it, "Deck five."
With
a grin she knew was wicked, she said, "Hold lift," then moved the
very little space required to be touching him, her lips on his enough to brush
lightly as she said, "I just want one kiss. Please, please, please?"
"Because
I might suck? No other reason? A test drive, as it were?"
"Yes.
Logical, right?"
"Go
ahead. If you must." He acted like he couldn't care less.
So she leaned in,
keeping her hands off him, just her lips touching his, and he moaned and opened
his mouth to her.
Holy
crap the man could kiss.
They
kissed for a very long time, and she was leaning on him, still keeping her
hands at her sides just as he was. They finally eased away and she smiled in
what she knew was a very self-satisfied way.
"So,
I'll do?" His grin was luminous and crooked and everything she loved about
him.
"I
guess."
"Yeah,
sorry. Maybe I'll improve with practice."
"Yeah,
I hope so." She couldn't say that without laughing because she was still
leaning against him even if their lips weren't touching anymore. She felt like
she needed the support and he clearly didn't mind. "You said you loved me
last night."
"And
just a bit ago. You did not say it back."
"I
love you, Liam Shaw."
He
just looked at her, the silence sweet, his smile even more so. Then he
murmured, "That's one of our firsts. It's nice." He touched her hair
gently. "I love your hair. I want to play with it so bad."
"I
love having it played with."
"Ooh,
match made in heaven then." He gently pushed her off from him. "Some
other day for that first. Resume lift. Deck five."
She
laughed. "This is your way of being in charge since I am otherwise."
"You're
not wrong. But you also can override anything you don't like or don't feel
comfortable with."
"I
know. I trust you, Liam."
"I
trust you too, Seven."
##
He
was waiting for her in the lounge. The dance floor was crowded. Nobody asked
him to dance since he was sitting at the bar in the way that said not to,
hunched over his drink, eyes on the entrance. Waiting for her like some
goddamned stalker.
Shit,
was he being creepy?
Their
little courtship walk had turned into a tour of some of the engineering
sub-disciplines—the people who were never in main engineering and often got
missed by their captain.
Unless
their captain was an engineer. Or now when their captain could easily have been
one, she was that skilled.
He
loved how effortlessly they'd combined their first time just being together for
no reason other than that with something that was work related. He didn't think
either of them was the kind to just goof off for long, even when hormones were
high.
And
they had been super high after that kiss. Holy crap, her lips were even softer
than he'd imagined.
She
walked into the lounge with Raffi, laughing at something Raffi had said, and he
just enjoyed how fucking beautiful she was. He didn't have to wave her over;
she saw him and grabbed Raffi's hand and dragged her with her.
"Hi,"
she said almost shyly.
"Hello
there." He looked at Raffi. "To you too." He made it as friendly
as he possibly could. He didn't want to leave her out. She seemed like she'd be
so fun to hang around with but they really hadn't yet.
"Shaw."
"You
can call him Liam." Seven looked at him. "She can call you Liam,
right?"
"If
she wants. I think Raffi knows that, though." He grinned in a no-harm,
no-foul sort of way. "I'm buying. What'll it be, ladies?"
Seven
wanted rye for reasons known only to her and Raffi
went for a ginger ale. He had another glass of wine.
"To
new crews and old friends," he said, raising his glass.
They
all returned the toast and drank and then Seven asked softly, "Is there a
first tonight?"
"Do
you want a first tonight?"
She
nodded.
He
tried to assess if Raffi was following this. She seemed to be so he thought
maybe Seven had filled her in, which made him so stinking happy it was almost
pathetic.
"We've
never danced," he said. "There is a dance floor here so—"
"Actually we have danced."
"When?"
"Salixa. That place you kept referring to privately as
Brigadoon."
"Okay
but that was like an Irish reel."
"Which
is a dance."
"But
together? We touched hands maybe three times."
"We
were always in proximity. It was a dance. That we did together."
"But
it's not a dance dance."
"Oh,
my God, you two. This is supposed to be when you're overwhelmed with oxytocin
and making nests, and you're still arguing?" Raffi was laughing at them.
"I'm going to find some sane people."
"Wait.
Does an Irish Reel count as dancing?" Seven looked at her, and he nodded
because maybe they needed an arbiter on some of these disagreements.
"Oh,
no way in hell am I getting in the middle of this. You do you, guys. Thanks for
the drink, Liam." And she was off.
"Rephrase
and it'll be a first." Seven's look was so sexy he decided to just do what
she said without making a counterpoint.
"We've
never danced holding each other the way those folks are doing on the dance
floor on this ship."
"Yeah,
that works." She grinned at him and softly bit her lip in a way she never
had before this morning, but he thought meant she was excited—and not in the
way a cool new engine or species would have made her. "Can I decompress
for a second, though? I had some weird calls this afternoon."
"Of
course." He slid over so she could have the outside bar stool—Ranger Seven
never liked to be pinned in with her back to part of the room. "Weird
calls are the worst. Let me guess—personnel?"
"Contracts."
"You
have my deepest condolences."
"Thank
you." She took a deep sip of her drink. "And I'm good with contract
language—making it tighter, and I do get why they want that—but they just won't
let it go."
"Like
Raffi thinks we won't in our arguments, only times a million."
"Yes."
She seemed to exhale for extra long, and he
remembered how that felt, letting go of all the captainly
shit and just trying to be a human again.
"It
gets better."
"I
hope so. I had a taste of this as first officer. This should not be that much
different."
"It
is, though. The buck stops at you."
"Well,
at least part of the day was really fun." She shoots him a glance rife
with mischief.
"Your
test drive of my lips?"
She
nodded, biting that lip again and holy shit was he going to enjoy watching her
do it, but it was also a huge tell. Maybe a sign that she was just as lost in
this as he was.
"Yeah,
it didn't suck." He laughed at her expression. "It didn't suck a
lot."
She
took another big sip and then said, "Dance floor?"
"Yes,
ma'am."
It
took them a minute to get comfortable, find the best way to hold, but then she
settled into him, and Louis Armstrong was singing "What a Wonderful
World," and it was the best song at this moment, and he was singing along
softly in her ear.
She
tightened her hold on him and just seemed to let go, to relax, and if the world
ended right at this moment, he would be okay with that.
And
then the song changed and she met his eyes with a gentle smile, and he said,
"Sorry for the singing."
"I
liked it."
"Then
I'm not sorry."
"This
is a nice first."
"Yes,
it is." He knew they were staring at each other like lovesick fools, but
he just couldn't bring himself to care.
"You've
told me over and over that I'm reckless."
"Sevennnnnn."
She
laughed as she put her hand on the back of his head and eased him toward her.
"No rule that says we can only have one first per encounter, right?"
"This
is a big statement, kissing on a crowded dance floor."
"You're
right." She stopped pulling him. "So help me
make it."
God
damn she was just...every fucking thing he'd ever wanted. So
he did help her, he pulled her the rest of the way and kissed her. Not a sloppy
kiss but not a chaste peck either. And it wasn't short.
It
was heaven.
When
they eased away and kept dancing like nothing had happened, he could feel the
shift in energy on the dance floor. But it wasn't a confused shift. Or an
unhappy one. He looked up from staring at her and saw smiles from those who
knew them both.
"They
don't mind," she said as she sighed and put her head on his shoulder.
"No,
they sure don't."
##
"Kissing
her on the dance floor? Pretty ballsy. I'll take a refill and it's on
him."
"Soda's
free."
"I
know but I like the idea of you paying so let me pretend. Where's our
girl?"
"Talking
to some new science ensigns."
"She's
so happy, Liam."
"Is
that okay with you?"
"Of course it's okay with me. I love her. And if you make her
happy, then more power to you."
"She
makes me happy too."
"I
know. I can tell."
"Is
this the part where you tell me if I hurt her you'll
kill me?"
"Not
if you already know I'm going to say it. Smart boy."
"I
try. I don't plan to hurt her."
"Good.
You've never asked about the sodas."
"My
sister works the program. She and the wagon, though—they part ways more than
they don't. I have only the utmost respect for you."
"I'm
sorry about your sister. No one can make her want to not drink. She has to get
there on her own."
"I
know. It's hard though. To watch. She's my baby sister."
"You
hide a lot under the swear words and tough/goofy exterior."
"Yeah.
Safer to hide it."
"I
think you don't hide it from Seven."
"Not
anymore anyway. I wasn't always good to her."
"Believe
me. I heard about it."
"I
hope you only hear good things now."
"Me
too."
7.
Shaw
was at his desk in engineering when he heard footsteps he didn't recognize,
coming fast, but not so fast they sounded pissed. A moment later Raffi was at
his door. "You got a minute?"
"I've
got a ton of them. Sit or stand if you're tired of sitting."
"I
sort of am. Thanks." She seemed to be taking in the room, like she wasn't
sure how to start the conversation.
"This
isn't about me and Seven, is it?"
"Oh,
no. And that would be super hypocritical of me if it was." She studied
him. "I'm trying to figure out how far I can trust you."
"Far."
"Hmmm."
He
laughed. "Or not. Let me know when you're done figuring that out."
And he went back to the note he was reading from Command.
She
sat. "It's about Crusher. He's due to report to you beginning of next
week."
"Yep."
"I
want—" She sighed and he turned to look at her. "Seven lets him get
away with murder."
"I
thought I was the only one who thought that."
"No.
And I get why she does. The shared screwed-up childhoods. The Borg thing. And
he is useful—"
"What
does he do, exactly? I've never been sure."
She
got up, closed the door, and sat back down. "Pretty much what he did when
he wasn't in Starfleet."
"Criminal
shit?"
"Wellllllll..."
"Is
this why she's living in the rules and regulations database? To make sure she's
not asking him to break any?"
"Maybe.
Look, I don't want to interfere with that. But he needs some tough love. And
you are the master of that from what I'm getting after talking to so many here
when I first reported. They love you but you were considered tough—until you
trusted someone."
He
nodded. That was pretty much how he rolled. "Can I flog him?"
She
burst out laughing. "No."
He
started to laugh too. "So there's a limit to how
tough the love should be?"
She
laughed again. "Just...you and I, we love Starfleet. Put a little of the
Fleet iron in his backbone. I know he's been through hell, but I also know
you've spent time there too when you were younger. I have faith you can make
him earn his keep and learn some regs and rules and protocol without being
miserable—and maybe pass some ethics on. I'm not sure his mom did."
"Yeah."
He frowned. "Why did you have to decide if you could trust me with that?
I'm one of your section heads." Even if his appraisals would be written at
Command.
"Because
I wasn't sure if this conversation would get back to Seven."
"What
conversation?"
She
smiled. "Thank you. I'll let you get back to it."
Before
she could get up, he said, "For what it's worth, you're always welcome. To
hang out with us, I mean."
"You
don't mind a third wheel?"
"No.
And sometimes Ohk will be there."
"I
don't think she likes me."
He
laughed. "She doesn't like anyone. Not at first anyway. Give her time.
Once she lets you in, she's...well, not warm, exactly. But interesting."
She
laughed. "Okay. Yeah, maybe I will join you guys sometimes."
"Are
you saying that because you don't want to hang out with us because we're not
fun to hang out with or because it's painful for you to have to do it?"
"I
see how happy Seven is and it's not a happy that I ever made her. The part of
me that's her friend is thrilled for her. But the part of me that maybe still
loves her a little—well, she resents the hell out of you."
"Understandable.
I'd feel the same in your place."
"So I love the welcome. And I probably will do it. But if I
wander off, maybe it got to be too much." Her serious expression changed.
"Or I saw someone I wanted to talk to. It can be hard to tell with
me."
He
smiled. "Okay. And I don't think you should discount the important role
you played for her. I'm not sure she'd ever been properly loved before you. I'm
damn sure she wouldn't be ready for me without knowing how it feels because I
was an ass to her. You were crucial."
"Okay,
I'm starting to see what she sees in you." She was smiling in a pleased
way. "You were in love with her when she was serving under you. I saw it
so clearly when Worf and I were on the ship the first
time. But you never did anything?"
He
shook his head. "It was her first assignment. I thought I was headed to
retirement or a desk job so for me it probably wouldn't have mattered if I
wanted to fraternize, but it wouldn't have been fair to her. Also
I was a dick—partially overcompensating for how stupidly in love I was with
her. And I wasn't sure if she...I mean there was chemistry, but she can hold
those cards pretty fucking close to the chest."
"Yeah.
I get that. What do you think of Chakotay?"
He
rolled his eyes. "I'd have spaced him."
"Really?"
"She
was so young. I mean if you consider she was six when taken and spent five
years in a maturation chamber—and yeah, I know there was that unimatrix thing where she got to be human, but she was a
drone for the rest of the time. So how old was she really? Emotionally? She
probably should have been dating Icheb, not mothering
him."
"Wow.
Don't ever say that to her."
"I
wouldn't. I guess I'm trusting you too, huh?" He looked down. "Do you
disagree?"
"No
actually. But she's so smart. Intellectually she was in her twenties,
physically too. I guess it didn't matter that emotionally she had some catch-up
to do."
"But
it fucking well should have."
"Yeah,
it should have." She smiled. "We never had this conversation
either."
"Good.
Although I don't regret not having it." He grinned.
"Me
either, Liam."
##
Seven
rang for admittance to Shaw's quarters and heard him say, "Come."
She
walked in and there was soft music playing, a bunch of finger food, and a ton
of pillows on the bed. "I take it we're dining on the bed?"
"Unless
you prefer a table." He grinned at her.
"Eating
with you on a bed is a first." They'd eaten in his old quarters, now hers,
before. But done it like normal people.
"I
thought something lighter than Malbec tonight. You willing to join me in
wine?"
"Is
it Chateau Picard?" She laughed at his expression. "Didn't think so.
And yes."
"It's
an Alsace Riesling."
"I
actually love that." She frowned. "Didn't we have it at one of those
command team meet and greets?"
"We
did. Admiral Fashton served it."
"Right."
She moved very close to him.
"Uhhhh?"
"Kiss
me. It's no longer a first so I am within my rights to demand it."
"Well,
technically, kissing in my quarters is a first."
"There
is a limit to how many ways you can parse first times."
"No,
there's not." He was grinning as he said it.
"There
is if I get tired of it."
"And
cut me off entirely? Find a new lover?"
"Sadly,
yes."
"Fuck,
you're harsh." He put the wine down and pulled her to him a little roughly
and she found herself grinning. "Fine but kissing you isn't my idea of
fun."
But
he did it so damn well. She put her arms around his neck and held on for dear
life.
He
was moaning too by the time he finished. As he eased away, he smiled and said,
"Kiss me all you want, but nothing more tonight."
"Your
rules are stupid." She watched him pour the wine and then took a glass and
sipped. "Your wine however is not."
He
took a taste. "Mmm, so good." He held his
glass to her. "To stupid rules and kissing you all night long."
She
clinked her glass gently against his. "And you can play with my
hair."
"But
not while we're eating."
"Correct."
She laughed. "I'm going to play with yours too."
He
looked concerned.
"Not
the top part—I know how fussy you are about it. Back here." She reached
around, slowly slid her hand from the nape of his neck up, keeping the touch
light, almost ticklish.
"Oh,
holy hell, yes." He had his eyes closed and she was pretty sure would go
boneless if she continued so she stopped. "Go lie down, Seven. This is the
real test. Which side of the bed..." He pretended to be scared.
"I'm
agnostic. There is no bed for drones so I really don't care."
"Good,
because I like the right side."
She
walked around to the left side, put her wine on the nightstand, and made
herself comfortable. "Actually, now that you mention it, when I was
President Hansen, I slept on the left. So I guess when
allowed to express my own preferences..."
"We're
compatible."
"On
that issue, yes."
"Ooof. Tough grader tonight." He put his wine on his
nightstand, put a tray of food between them, and got comfortable as she
steadied the tray.
She
studied the selection. "You chose this because we could feed each other,
didn't you?"
"Actually I just didn't want to have to use utensils, but
your idea works too." He held out a piece of cheese and she took it
delicately.
Then
she picked out a cracker, lovingly loaded it up with salami and more cheese and
some bell pepper, and ate it.
"Hey!"
He was laughing.
"Oh,
did you think I would feed you? Silly man." But she held out a grape to
him. "I'm not going to peel it, so don't ask."
He
definitely had been about to ask because he had to bite back a comment. But he
took it nicely. He reached back for the wine and sipped, watching her as she
made another salami/cheese/pepper cracker.
This
time she held it out for him and he took it with his fingers and not his mouth.
"The
feeding each other phase didn't last long."
He
laughed and said, "Yeah, I'm too practical." He took a bite. "Mmm, good combo. Try this instead of the pepper." He
pointed to the sun-dried tomatoes.
She
did and smiled. "Good. But I prefer the pepper."
"More
tomatoes for me then. Did you get any comments from our bridge children?"
"About
the kiss?" She laughed. "Not directly. Well, except for Sidney, who
made a squealing noise and said she was so happy for us."
"Vintage
La Forge." But he grinned. This was important to him, she could tell.
"Was Jack jealous of me?"
"Yeah,
seething." She rolled her eyes. "Why is there no fruit here?"
"There's
grapes. Those are fruit."
"But
other fruit."
He
sighed and got up. "Because it's the dessert."
"I
want it now."
"Yeah I got the message. That's why I'm up instead of
lounging royally."
She
laughed and took the plates of berries from him and arranged them on the tray.
"Much better. Thank you."
"You
don't like dessert?"
"I
don't like dessert when it's a course that doesn't need to be there, and I'd
rather be lying on this bed with no tray between us."
"Good
answer. Long answer, but good." He snatched a raspberry. "I love
these. I've never ever had a sour one. I mean you can pick them too soon, but
once red..."
"There
are golden ones too. I love those."
"You
can provide them sometime."
"I
will." She held a strawberry out to him by the stem and he bit it free.
"Those on the other hand can be disappointing. They look good but aren't
always."
"So
true. But this is a good one."
"How
do you know Tom and B'Elanna?"
"She
and I were at the Academy together. Before she left. We were friends. Engineers
that had no tolerance for anyone who couldn't keep up."
"I
can imagine."
"You'd
have been just as bad. Only over in the science cadre probably."
"Probably
so. So you met Tom after Voyager
returned?"
"Yeah,
but I really like him."
"I
do too. I really do see a lot of him in Jack. But there was never interest in
Tom and I know you know there's none in Jack, right?"
"Intellectually,
I knew that. But a man get's jealous anyway—the
little brain overtakes the big one."
"Yes,
blame all stupid things on your penis."
"I
will." He laughed. "But it doesn't sound like you'll buy it."
She
gave him a stern look. They went back to eating and talking and then there was
less eating and more glances and he finally took the tray away and lay back
down.
"Where
did you get all these pillows?" At the funny look he gave her she sighed.
"The quartermaster has this many pillows?"
"Hey,
you never know when we'll have to ferry alien royalty who dig pillows."
"True."
She moved a little to get more comfortable. "They are nice."
He
moved closer to her, his pupils enlarging and she smiled the most seductive
smile she could. And then he was kissing her and rolling to his back, pulling
her on top of him.
She
could feel how much he wanted her, could feel the fluttering in her belly that
she associated with lust. But she knew he'd stop her if she tried to grind.
Still,
why not make him?
"Seven,
damn it all." He dumped her off him and laughed. "You are such a
troublemaker."
"You
want me."
"I
do."
"I
want you." She reached for him but he kept her hands up and away from his
groin. "Points for willpower, I have to say."
"Yeah,
go me." He finally had to sort of lie over her to get her to stop, and she
laughed and gave up.
And
then they kissed, like she imagined teenagers do when they're first in love,
hands moving over each other but not going under, not going into. And whoever
was on top got their hair played with.
There
was much moaning and murmurs of "I love you" and he got up to refill
the wine but ended up just bringing the bottle over.
She
was getting sleepy and he said, "Stay with me," and she smiled and
said, "Our first sleepover" and then she curled into him and let him
play with her hair until she fell asleep.
She
woke up spooning him. She'd slept so easily with him. Something she didn't
always do.
She
kissed him awake and said, "I love you. I have a breakfast meeting with
some new crew."
"I
love you too. See you later." And he rolled over and went back to sleep.
She
worried they hadn't bothered to set the alarm. "Computer is alarm
set?"
"Negative."
"Set
alarm for normal time."
"Alarm
set for 0730."
He
had another hour to sleep. Lucky man. She hurried out before she could be
tempted to curl back into him and sleep too.
##
"Well,
look who found her way to engineering. Breakfast go
well?"
"It
did. You sleep okay last night?"
"You
know I did. I had you next to me. Those pillows are really comfortable."
"Half
of them were on the floor."
"Yeah,
well, they gave their lives for a good cause. Are you here on business
or...?"
"Business
actually. Jack's going to be with you next week."
"Yep."
"Raffi
thinks I'm too easy on him. I've held her back but I won't do that to you. If
you think he needs your brand of management."
"My
brand?"
"Quit
laughing. You know what I mean."
"You
defied my brand constantly."
"That
doesn't mean I didn't learn what mattered."
"Done."
"Thank
you. I see myself in him. I see Tom Paris in him. And I can't bring myself
to..."
"You
have to get over that."
"I
will. In time. But even experienced horse people send their new ones to someone
else to be trained."
"He's
not a horse."
"The
analogy is still apt."
"Yeah,
I'm sure he'd be thrilled to think you called him a horse."
"We're
not going to tell him, Liam."
"God,
we really do argue over everything, don't we?"
"It's
our way. Every couple has...rituals."
"Ah,
yes, the sacred sacrament of those who are determined never to agree on the
first attempt."
"Exactly.
And we'll have all our firsts. Last night's
were nice."
"They
were nice. I never, ever slept over with those anyones."
"No?"
"No.
Never. Just with you."
"I
love you so much. I sometimes don't know what to do with it—the feeling."
"Right
there with you."
"This
is new for me."
"For
me too. I never just fall. I have guidelines and guard rails."
"Yes.
But not this time. If we crash..."
"We
die. So let's not crash, Seven."
"Okay.
I'm a good pilot."
"Good
because I'm not."
"I'll
get us home safe."
"I
know you will. And I'll keep the engines running so you can steer."
"Sounds
perfect. I'll see you later."
"Count
on it."
8.
The
captain's dining room was set up beautifully and Seven
thanked the crewmen working on it then went to get Liam.
She
found him working with Jack under a panel and stood listening, knowing that he
probably knew she was there because he knew her signature stomp.
"Forty One," Jack said, and she frowned. That number
made no sense with regards to the place they were working.
"Those
have to do with...state of crew quarters. Okay, go for it."
"Roaches
are mentioned twice."
"Voles
are. Roaches? Lie, dude."
"Fuck.
For what it's worth we had roaches on our ships."
"I
don't want to know."
She
coughed gently and they both rolled out.
"Hey,
Cap'n." Liam grinned at her and gave the little
wink that confirmed he'd known she was there. "We're playing stump the
King of Regs."
"Also
known as truth or lie," Jack said with a big grin.
"I
see. Why?"
"Because
if Jack trips me up, I have to do one of the tedious or gross jobs he will
eventually be doing with him."
"And
if he doesn't trip you up?"
"I
keep trying. I live in that fucking database. Sidney is so over it."
She
laughed at the cruel genius that was Liam Shaw. He'd taken Jack's urge to
compete and win and rolled it into learning the rules and regs.
"Whatever
works, boys. Liam, we have guests coming. Clean up."
"Wait,
wait, wait. Are you using the dining room?"
"Yes,
Jack. We're dining so..."
"Okay,
I remember this one. You have to talk shop thirty percent—"
"Thirty-three,"
Liam said softly.
"Thirty-three
percent of the time or the cost of the meal comes out of your personal
allowance."
She
blinked and thought back to all the dinners she'd attended that Liam had
hosted. He'd always managed to insert shop talk. Even when it was weird.
"Good
to know. Thank you. Fortunately, B'Elanna is your
boss, I guess, Liam. So no hardship for you."
"And
you can flirt with Tom."
"I
don't flirt with Tom."
"Has
she ever flirted with you, Crusher. You look like Tom."
"Not
that I can recall." He seemed sincere and Liam smiled.
She
rolled her eyes. "Can we go? I want to change and you're keeping Jack past
shift."
"Oh,
no, we were on a roll with the regs and I really thought I was going to get
him. Plus we're almost done with this." Jack
looked at Liam. "Do you want me to finish up?"
"Yes.
Thank you." He slid his roller over to her and held out his hand.
"Give me a hand. Your man is old."
"Bullshit.
You just want to get my hands greasy."
"No
grease, Captain. I think he just wants to touch you. Young love is so
sweet." Jack winked and slid back under the panel.
"You
trust him?" she mouthed as she took his hand and pulled him up.
"Yep,"
he said as he reached down to grab the roller and stow it. As they headed out
of Engineering, he said, "He learned so many things being on the run for
so long. It's kind of crazy."
"And
you made regulations fun. Look at you."
He
smiled. "He almost caught me today. I had to guess. Don't tell him that
though. Don't want him getting cocky."
"He's
already cocky."
"Well,
cockier then." He followed her into the lift but as soon as the door
closed said, "Hold lift." And pulled her into his arms. "I
missed you."
She
melted into him, then eased away. "I guess I missed you. Resume
lift."
Anyone
else might have been hurt at the cold way she'd said it, he just pulled her to
him and kissed her forehead.
"And
you just asked Jack if I flirt with him."
"It
was an easy way to find out how he feels about you."
"Way
to be stupidly jealous still."
"To
be honest, I'm not jealous anymore. The kid grew up being left out of
everything. He was in so many fucking schools it's ridiculous. He'd just get
comfy and then Beverly would yank him out and run again." He shook his
head. "He longs to be included. I was including him."
Just
when she thought she understood how his mind worked, he went and surprised her.
"That's why he's working so hard to get you with the regs. He wants more
time with you."
"Yep.
Eventually he'll find one I don't know. Like you did. And then he'll have the
win and the time. And you'll have an officer who can quote official policy
backwards and forwards."
"I
love you, Captain Shaw."
"I
am pretty awesome." He laughed at her expression. "Do I have to shower?"
She
got close enough to assess. "No, just change into something casual."
They parted ways once they got off the lift, and she changed in her quarters
quickly and found him waiting by the lift.
"Shuttle
bay to Captain Seven."
"Seven
here."
"Admiral
Torres and Captain Paris's shuttle is safely aboard."
"Let's
go see it. They took some of the specs from the Delta Flyer."
"I
know. I consulted from afar."
She
frowned. "So did I. While we were both on the
ship. And we never talked about it to each other."
"No,
we sure didn't." He sighed. "We wasted so much fucking time."
"Well,
now we won't."
He
pushed back her hair. "Our first dinner with friends."
She
leaned in and kissed him quickly, then took his hand and he swung it as they waited
for the lift, and then when they were off it and walking to the shuttle bay.
The
whimsy of the man never failed to surprise—and charm the hell out of her.
##
Shaw
tried to get over his jealousy that Tom and Bey had such an amazing shuttle for
their private use. It was even more special that both he and Seven
had a hand in it.
"So Risa was good?" he asked as he led them to the
dining room, then realized Seven should really be doing that. But she had her
arm looped with Tom's and didn't seem to care that he'd taken over.
"It
was so good. I'm glad to see you've settled in, Liam," Bey said softly,
grinning at him. "She's the happiest I've ever seen her. Maybe you two
need to go to Risa?"
He
laughed. "We're taking it slow."
"Of course you are, you big softie." She bumped against
him. "I do want to talk about some work things. Can we do it at dinner? I
don't want to spoil the joy with engineering minutia if we should wait until
after."
"No,
let's do it while we eat. After should just be fun." Plus
that whole thirty-three percent thing. Did Bey not know that or were admirals
not required to follow that? Or were guests to Command automatically deemed
business?
Which
was lame. Relatives and friends were much more likely to visit a stationary
building than a moving starship. But nobody asked him to weigh in on the rules.
Once
they were seated, Bey looked at Seven and said, "So I guess you like this
big mook after all?"
"He's
okay."
"Wow,
Liam. You've made it to the 'just okay' category. Way to overachieve."
Seven
laughed. "Don't try to take him away and you'll find out how much I like
him."
"Ooh,
that sounded terrifying. I approve." Bey lifted her glass to them.
"To finally realizing you were in love with the person you thought you
detested."
"I
never detested her." He looked at her. She was being so quiet. "Did
you detest me?"
"Detest
is a strong word. Loathe, maybe." She was laughing. "Fine, was
aggravated by. How's that?"
"Oh for sure that."
He
reached across the table for her hand and she took it and Bey said softly,
"I think I'm going to be sick." But she was smiling as she said it.
"So,
Admiral Torres," Seven said after the servers had put down the first
course. "You have your own shuttle. I know you didn't just stop here to
say hello. What's up?" Then she looked at Tom. "Or are you here on
Kathryn's behalf?"
"We
promised her we would stop in and check to make sure you two hadn't killed each
other. That's actually it. We'll be out of your hair after dinner."
"Don't
be silly, Tom. Stay and enjoy guest quarters." He realized he'd said that
like a captain. "I mean..."
Seven
rolled her eyes. "He speaks for both of us. Stay."
"I
want to see the engines."
"Of course you do, Bey. Seven can show Tom whatever it is
he's into."
"It
varies by the minute." Bey grinned at Tom in the way Shaw loved, the way
he hoped he and Seven would be looking at each other
years from now.
They
really were his role models for a relationship.
##
"Mmm, Captain Shaw, why are you at my quarters?"
"We've
never done a sleepover in here."
"You're
right. Come in."
"It's
nice having them here."
"It
is. Do you think they really just stopped by to check on us?"
"It's
hard to tell. But Bey might have felt bad, might have pulled me if we really
weren't getting along. Maybe that's why they just showed up. She wanted to see
us without a lot of prep on our part."
"Did
she grill you when you were looking at the engines."
"Moderately.
Did Tom grill you?"
"Little
bit. Do we have to talk about them now that you are here, with me, all
alone?"
"Why,
Captain Seven. What are you suggesting?"
"..."
"Never
let anyone say you can't kiss, Liam."
"Who
said that? I'll fight them. Don't laugh. I would."
"Uh
huh. Just come to bed. I want to kiss you more than that."
"Well,
never let it be said I left a lady wanting."
"Yeah,
jury's still out on that. Because we're taking it slow. I have no idea if
you'll leave me wanting or not."
"I
won't. Just trust me."
"I
do trust you. And if you're lousy in bed, I'll just retrain you."
"Of
that I have no doubt."
9.
Liam
saw Raffi alone in a booth and said, "Got room for two more?"
She
frowned. "Seven's joining us?"
"Honestly,
I don't know. She needed some me time last night and I haven't seen her yet
this morning. But she loves the danish and the cook
makes them for her special."
"Yes,
do not try to get between their love."
He
laughed. "Won't. I benefit too. He never makes just one."
"Same.
She brings them up to the bridge sometimes." She sipped her coffee as he
ate. "So Jack Crusher quoted me a regulation I
wasn't following the other day. So annoying. Also, well done, you."
He
grinned. "Sidney's going to kill me though."
"Yes.
Yes, she is. I may eventually help her." Her smile is too good natured to
take that seriously. "I won't ask how you did it."
"Actually you should. I think it's the secret to getting him
Fleeted up. He grew up lonely. He longs for inclusion."
"I
know how that feels."
"Right.
JL's favorite, intel star, protege of Klingons."
"I
was drummed out, Liam. Multiple addictions, paranoia—although to be fair to me,
I was right. But who listens to a Cassandra? I lived alone in the desert until
JL found me for his first wacky mission to save something."
"I
didn't realize. I'm sorry I mocked."
"It's
been partitioned off my normal record. No reason you should have seen it if you
checked while we were all working together on the changeling thing."
"I'm
glad they did that. You're too good to have to carry that around. They may have
done that for me after I acted out after Wolf 359."
"You?
Mister Rules and Regs?"
"I
know. It's near unfathomable these days." He saw Seven come in. She seemed
very far away. "Sev."
She
walked over.
"Are
you okay?" Raffi asked putting a weird spin on the whole thing.
"Yeah.
Just... Yeah." She touched his shoulder gently, as if telling him whatever
was going on with her wasn't to do with him.
"We
saved you room," he said. "Sit across from whoever you want to look
at most."
Raffi
laughed at the way he phrased it. He'd worked on it for just such an occasion.
"I've
got calls. And then...it's going to be busy all day. And night. But not
tomorrow."
Raffi
exhibited no surprise at this so he just smiled and said, "Have a good
day."
"You
too. I'll be in my ready room, Raff. The conn's yours
when you come up." Then with a last squeeze to his shoulder, she walked
away, got food quickly, and hurried out.
He
watched her go. "Okay that was so weird."
"She
wasn't distant last year on this day? Or the year before?"
He
frowned and pulled out his padd. "She took sick leave. Both days. She's
never sick." Why hadn't he noticed? He cross-checked his schedule. Last
year he'd been at meetings on Vulcan. Year before he hadn't known her well
enough to realize she was never fucking sick. "So
tell me what's going on. Or do I need to ask her?"
"Do
you know about Icheb?"
"Yeah,
she told me about him that first year, about killing the woman who murdered
him. We were working together in engineering and it was super late and we'd
been at it for hours and we just started sharing shit."
Her
eyebrows lift. "She told you. Wow. Okay." She shook her head. "I
need to get used to the idea that you and she had something I never got."
"Time
stuck with each other?"
She
nodded. "She couldn't run out on you."
"Except
for on this day, apparently. Is it the day he died?"
She
nodded.
"Fuck.
Did she share it with you? Do you know how down she gets?"
"I
don't. She disappeared. But then she was always doing that so it wasn't that
odd for me. For you, it's new and you two are joined—wherever you're joined and
I assume it's not the hip—so it must feel strange."
He
nodded as he sipped his coffee but he didn't like this. More than a decade of
marking this day alone did not bode well for other sad moments.
He
just had to decide how to approach this.
##
Seven
was lying on her bed, watching videos of Icheb that
Kathryn had compiled for her years ago. She didn't cry anymore. What was the
point?
He
was gone and it was both at her hands and her fault. If she'd never told Bjayzl about him, he never would have died.
She
didn't deserve the mercy of tears.
Or
the mercy of comfort that she knew Liam would give her.
She
was pouring another glass of bourbon and about to hit replay for the twentieth
time when her chime rang.
"Don't
come."
It
rang again.
"Don't
come."
It
rang again. God, this must be how Liam used to feel when she sat on the fucking
thing. She slid off the bed and stomped to the door, ready to give whoever it
was hell.
But
it was Liam. And he smiled gently and said, "I know what day this is.
Raffi told me. Tell me to go away and I will. But I'd rather not."
"I
have to do this alone." It was out before she could call it back.
"Have
to?"
She
nodded even as she was moving aside, letting him in.
He
didn't touch her, just moved to the couch and sat as she curled back up on the
bed.
"Do
you want some?" She gestured to the bourbon.
"No,
I'm good." He didn't look away, his gaze so soft and accepting that it
made her want to go to him.
"I
need to tell you something. Something I never told Raffi—or Picard. Or Kathryn
or B'Elanna or any of them."
"Okay."
"It
may change the way you look at me."
"I
seriously doubt that but okay."
She
sat up, facing him, feet on the floor. She would be an adult as she told him
the truth, not some wounded child. "Bjayzl took Icheb, she had the doctors cut him up without anesthesia.
You know that part."
He
nodded.
"But
I came in before they were done. I killed them all and I tried to help him but
it was..." She didn't look away from him, wanted to see his reaction.
She
could tell when he got it. He murmured, "Too late."
"But
it wasn't going to be quick. And he wanted to go. He wanted me to do it."
She had to stop because she was crying like it was that day, holding her son,
knowing it was the last time she'd hear his voice. "I killed him, Liam. I
killed my own son."
His
expression didn't change. All he said was, "Technically."
There
was so much mercy in that one word. "Yes, technically. But—"
"No
goddamn buts. She murdered him. You just took care of the son who you loved.
The way you should have."
"Except
that I told her about him. I was so proud of him and I thought she was
good."
"That's
not on you, Seven. You didn't know."
"But
I was a Ranger. I should have."
"You
were also a woman cut off from everyone she loved and everything she knew, in a
shit part of the Federation, trying to make a difference, with a woman who
seemed to want to do the same thing. How the fuck could you have known?"
He got up and walked to her, sitting next to her. "You shouldn't even have
been out there. Starfleet should have taken you. Your friends should have found
you something. You should not have had to be a Ranger." He sounded so
angry but for her, not at her. "This is not on you. None of it."
He
held his arms open and she collapsed into him, crying the way she'd wanted to—with
someone else—only she'd never felt like she could. "Don't tell
Raffi."
"Why
not?" He eased her away so she had to look at him. "She loves you. I
wouldn't be here right now if she wasn't as generous as she is—she could have
kept me in the dark, given you another horrible day alone. But she didn't. She
deserves to know, Seven."
"It's
my story to tell."
"Are
you saying you want me to go?"
"No.
Just...I'm not sure I want to tell her. Can't it just be ours?"
He
looked disappointed in her.
"I
didn't share with her the way I should have. I'm afraid telling her this now
will only remind her of all that."
He
narrowed his eyes, then finally nodded. "It's your call." He rose and
said, "I know you want to be alone."
"I
don't. Actually."
"No?"
She
picked up the padd. "Can I show you him? Videos. Stills. Our life together
and apart."
"Yes.
I'd love that. If you want me to go after that, just say so."
"I'd
rather you stayed the night. Held me."
"I
can do that, Seven. I can always do that."
##
"Oh,
God, what did Jack do now, Raffi?"
"Nothing.
I just had a talk with Seven. About Icheb. She told
me you thought she needed to tell me."
"You
told me about it being the day he died. I'd have never known why she was in the
mood she was otherwise. It was only fair."
"And
you are fair, aren't you?"
"She
thought it would hurt you. Did it?"
"No.
It explains a lot, to be honest. It also explains why she kept Elnor at arms' length. Why she had zero interest in Gabe
and Pel and my granddaughter."
"Does
it explain Jack, too?"
"Yeah.
I think it adds to the puzzle for sure of why she's so smitten with him."
"Every
little piece helps make the picture."
"The
picture I see is that she let you in when she never did me. If I had any hopes—any
illusions—left that you and she are just a flash in the pan, they're
gone."
"I'm
sorry."
"Well,
to be honest, I didn't have that many left."
10.
Explosions
rocked the area and Seven levered Raffi into a
fireman's carry as two of the security officers grabbed Shaw and put him
between them, helping him walk.
"How
bad are you hurt, Liam?" she yelled back at him forcing herself to go
through smoke to a building in an area already hit but still standing—sort of.
It
was not a good choice, but it was the best one they had.
"Knee
is shot. I'm fine otherwise. Just give me a regenerator and I'm good."
"Sir,
there's bone poking through," one of the security officers said.
"Yeah,
well, that's sadly not new."
She
smiled because she could tell he was in pain but hiding it behind jokes for the
rest of the away team.
"Put
me down, Seven," Raffi said into her back. "I'm about to throw
up."
"Close
your eyes. Just a few more minutes and we'll have cover."
"I
hate you." But she went still and Seven could
hear her reciting the twelve steps.
Good,
her memory—for that anyway—was okay.
"Seven
to Enterprise, what the hell did we beam into?"
No
answer.
She
could hear Raffi say, "Shit" just as Liam murmured, "Fuck."
Well,
at least they were all agreed that this was a cluster. She eased Raffi down
with the help of their geoscience specialist Damato
and asked him, "Do you know how to work a medical scanner,
Commander?"
"Yes,
ma'am."
She
handed it over, had the security officer with the regenerator give it to him,
and took Damato's tricorder, checking the building
for weak points. "We're okay here. No one go past that third window
though. The supports are weak."
A
chorus of "Yes, ma'am" was her answer.
Damato waved her over. "Scalp wound,
superficial, but that's why all the blood. Highly vascular area. I've addressed
it with the regenerator."
"Excellent.
Internal injuries?"
"Not
that I can see. Concussion, though. I trained as a field medic during the
Dominion War."
"Good,
thank you, Commander. If you could check Shaw...?"
"On
it, Captain."
Raffi
had pulled out her padd and was trying to wipe blood out of her eyes, so Seven tore off part of her jacket and used it to clean her
off. "Thanks, Sev. What the hell is going on?
This was supposed to be a simple trade mission."
"Captain,"
the other security officer said. They looked alike. This one was...Grey.
"I'm getting readings of Shaveli weapons."
"How
far?" The Shaveli had started making incursions
after the Borg invasion, obviously thinking—correctly, sadly—that Starfleet was
down enough personnel and so fixated on plugging security leaks that they
wouldn't rush to defend outer worlds.
"Enterprise
to Away Team." Esmar's voice had never sounded
better to her.
"Seven
here."
"Shaveli cruisers. Three of them. We got them on the run but
saw no signs of beam up of Shaveli on the surface. I
have your location but we did take some damage—transporters are temporarily
out. I can send a shuttle."
"From
the sound of it, they're using large munitions. I don't want to risk losing one
on landing." She looked back at Liam, who definitely was not walking
anytime soon to a safer spot. That was for sure bone poking out. "A high
altitude pass over us to emergency-transport some better firepower would be
welcome."
"We
need La Forge at the helm, ma'am." That was Mura, telling her that things
were maybe not as swell as Esmar was making it sound.
"Crusher,
you up for it?"
"I
live for this shit, Captain."
"Shaw's
rubbed off on your language, Ensign. Okay, phaser rifles, portable mirror
shield, thermal blankets, rations and water."
"You've
got it."
"And
a better regenerator," Damato murmured.
"You've
got injured?"
"Do
not beam down with the stuff, Jack. Damato's got it
under control." She looked at Damato to make
sure and he nodded. "Liam's knee is beyond fucked."
"What
is it with him and bones?"
"Shut
it, Crusher," Liam said, clearly in pain.
"And
some pain meds," she said under her breath.
"Understood.
I'm going to add other things Damato will need. Be
right there with your supply drop."
Sadly,
during his life of crime or helping people—she was pretty sure it depended on
the day—he'd probably done this kind of thing more times than any of them had.
##
Shaw
was trying to hide how much his knee and leg were hurting but he saw Seven keep
looking back at him and knew he was failing. Fortunately
the explosions, mercifully getting further away, hid the occasional groan he
let out.
"Crusher
to Seven. Transporting now."
"Affirmative."
Grey
and Sinclair ran out to get the packet and brought it in. They got the rifles
and took up position as Seven brought a stasis cast over.
Those
things felt great once they were in place—but getting them there was pure hell.
"No,
put up the mirror shield first."
"You
will cry out when this goes on. I want to use the explosions to cover your
cries. This shield will hide our life signs but not sounds."
"No,
the new models will. They just came in. Jack and I tested one out. I had him
sit inside one and yell all the court martial offenses. Couldn't hear a
thing."
"Fine."
She left him and worked with the rest to put them up.
He
thought Raffi looked a little wobbly but had a feeling getting her to stay down
was a losing battle. He could tell Seven wanted to test the thing once it was
up but murmured, "If the lights are green, we're fine, Captain. Trust your
engineer."
He
could tell she didn't want to. But she finally nodded, took the rifle from Grey
and handed it to Raffi and said, "You two have watch while we do
this."