DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters
are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc and Viacom. The story contents are
the creation and property of Djinn and are copyright (c) 2023 by Djinn. This
story is Rated R.
Dissociative States (Part 3)
by Djinn
10:
"Hello,
Liam Shaw." Agnes indicates a chair for him to sit on and takes one as
well.
He
should be completely panicked meeting with her alone, but he's not. He feels at
peace. "Do you do that normally? Sit?"
"Yes.
To be frank, the part of us that is Agnes finds it disconcerting to hang from
the ceiling."
He
laughs at the image. "Like a spider."
"Precisely.
The other part of us listens to her because we do not wish to put off potential
recruits with behavior that is easily modifiable."
"That's
what I want to talk about. Behavior. Mine."
"Too
vague. We will need more to go on than that."
"I
need to know if what I did—how I behaved—from the time Picard showed up on my
ship to... If..."
"If...?"
"If
what happened was my fault. If so many people—people I love, that I was in
charge of and was supposed to protect—died or are now dealing with the trauma
of what they did when they were assimilated because of me." He puts his
head in his hands. "I know that sounds stupidly self-centered."
"One
pebble can create a ripple that touches all shores."
"Exactly."
He meets her eyes. "Can you spin the scenarios?"
"Variables
changing? If this, then that?"
He
nods.
"We
can. We cannot see the future as such, but we can predict likely end results of
a change in behavior."
"And
I could see that? Live that?"
"We
can share our process with you, the experience." She shifts in her chair.
"What if we told you that we could only do it if you were fully
Borg."
He
doesn't hesitate. He's thought this through. "I'd let you assimilate me.
But...I'd rather not."
She
smiles. "And we know that. You have Borg blood. That is all we need to
establish a link. A temporary one in this case."
He
nods.
"Do
you wish to tell your captain or first officer what you are doing?"
"I
really don't. They're weirded out enough by me wanting to come here alone to
talk with you."
Her
smile makes her look actually amused. "The part of us that is Agnes
appreciates that. She often 'weirded' them out with her behavior." She
stands. "You wish to do it now?"
"I
do. I just...I just really need to know."
She
walks over and says, "This will hurt but only for a moment."
He
waits for it, feels the tube slipping out from her to his neck, then into the
skin, puncturing.
This
would be how assimilation feels.
"You
are doing well."
"I'm
highly motivated."
"Your
individuality is strong. As is your character." She withdraws the tube and
sits. "Where would you like to begin? Which decision would you like to
change?"
Her
voice is sounding both in his ears but also in his head, direct to his brain.
And it feels...surprisingly good.
"What
if I put Picard and Riker in the brig as soon as they arrive on my ship and
confine Seven to quarters?" It's the thing he often wishes he did.
He
sees it in fast motion, them in the brig, Seven pissed off in her quarters. And
then she's broken herself out and she's giving them the shuttle even sooner.
Only she goes with them and he watches the shuttle launch. And the Shaw of that
scenario. Fuck, he turns the ship and goes back, leaving her. "No."
"This
is an unlikely scenario to occur because at your core you trust her, so we are
puzzled why you chose it. But if you did choose it, there is a fifty-two
percent likelihood that your pain at her betrayal would lead you to abandon the
three of them to their fate."
The
rest plays out quickly. Without him to stop the tractor beam, the others are
captured, Jack is assimilated, Picard and Crusher and Riker are killed, and the
invasion on Frontier day goes forward.
"What
happens to Seven?"
An
image appears, Seven but not, hanging from the ceiling like a fucking spider.
"She becomes the maimed Queen's new vessel."
"Fuuuuu-cccckkk."
"Not
how we would put it, but yes. Disconcerting for her as it would not be a shared
experience as we have in this body. And disconcerting for us, because once the
queen got her, she would know we exist—would feel our vitality."
"That
Queen didn't know you were here?"
"Part
of us is that Queen. Time travel and alternate dimensions make confusing
alterations to history: unexpected additions and deletions to the collective.
If the changelings knew of how strong we were, they did not tell the
Queen."
"I
knew about you—but I never took you seriously until you tried to assimilate me.
So they had to have known. Maybe they considered you too..." He doesn't
want to say it, doesn't want to insult her when she's helping him.
"Insignificant.
Yes, that is what we think too. And as we did not interfere, perhaps they were
right." She looks down. "We are young. And...a hybrid collective. We
allowed such things to exist in the Delta Quadrant. Watched them to see if they
would flourish or not. If they would add any additional distinctiveness to what
we had already." She waves a hand as if signaling she's done talking about
this. "Your next variable adjustment?"
"I
let Seven do whatever the fuck she wants. Just check out." Sadly, he
thinks this is the next most likely. The same way he checked out from dinner.
He'd do it with an "on your head be it" type of attitude.
"Interesting.
And highly likely given you chose not to welcome them aboard your ship and only
held the dinner to appease her." As she says it, the scenario begins to
play in his mind. Seven stays on the ship this time, but when it comes time to
snap the tractor beam...she doesn't know how. And she fires with the same gusto
she did at the end only the portal weapon sends it back to them.
The
Titan is destroyed. He sees escape pods going but the Shrike
shoots them all apart.
"She
was reckless," he says, horrified by even a theoretical destruction of his
ship. "And none of us knew what the portal weapon could do."
The
assimilation proceeds again, the Borg win. Crusher and Riker and Picard are
assimilated this time, possibly because Seven wasn't there to start a fight?
Now
the scenario he dreads seeing. "I don't storm out of dinner. I ask them
why. I listen. I help them."
"Multiple
versions of this exist once you decide to help. The most likely is that you
send your ship rather than a shuttle in to get them. We will play it
slowly."
The
scenario starts, him not being a dick at dinner, animated discussion, Seven not
mad at him or he at her. Working together, finding the Eleos before the Shrike
can but not that much sooner than Picard originally did.
The
Queen arranges the scenario at that point as if he's in a sports bar with
multiple vid screens. He sees one where his ship is destroyed at once. Another
where they launch shuttles into the nebula. Another that goes much as it did
when they were hiding in the Nebula.
In
no case do they get away.
In
only two cases is the outcome different than the Borg assimilating Starfleet
and that is one where Jack took his own life and one where Shaw has the ship
self-destruct. Without her Vox, the Queen settles for stealing the cloaking
device, and destroying ships as she comes on them, leading to her finding the
Jurati.
And
using the Agnes Queen as her new Vox. Starfleet is once again assimilated, just
much later than originally planned.
"A
single pebble can create ripples that touch all shores, Liam Shaw. You did what
you thought was right. And, in this case, it was."
"It's
not... It's not my fault."
"It
is not. In fact, your actions enabled the chain of events that saved
Starfleet—and ultimately us. We are grateful."
"Except
that's just at the beginning. What if I hadn't notified Starfleet once I got
away from the Shrike?" Ro might not have died. The bulk of his crew
wouldn't have been beamed onto the Intrepid, the older ones killed, the
younger ones saved for assimilation.
Again
the multi-scene set-up in his mind. Again he sees his ship explode over and
over. There are a few where they survive to reach Daystrom and the museum, but
they require him to act so out of character he can't see them happening.
"I'm
not asking the right questions."
"You
are."
"Find
me ones where we win."
Instead
he feels her withdrawing from his mind, and there is a strong sense of absence
once she's fully gone. "Why? To be able to do so, as you saw here, means
it is someone who barely resembles you making the decisions. Can we do it? Yes.
Will we do it? No."
"Why
not?" Frustration makes his voice rise, break even.
"The
scenarios matter only if they are likely to have happened. And your actions are
highly predicated on prior behavior. If we believe you would not take a given
action, why show the outcome? Even if it exists, it is unlikely."
"Because
the cat's alive or dead. Once we open the box. So let's open the box. All of
them."
She
smiles. "We both know you are asking us for scenarios involving multiple
cats, all with different temperaments, all with agendas and different boxes in
some cases. The cat cannot simply be alive or dead. It is complicated."
She touches his hand and normally he'd pull back but now he finds it
comforting.
"This
was a multi-years plot, Liam Shaw. Well planned. Well executed. But ultimately
not a success because of you and Picard and Seven of Nine and Raffi and...even
the willingness of her Vox to withdraw once assimilated." She smiles
gently as she trails off. "The lives lost are not on you. You played your
role as only you could."
He's
having trouble seeing her and he's not sure why. Then he realizes he's crying.
Hard. He holds his hand up to his face, but his left hand is shaking so badly
he's afraid to wipe his eyes with it.
"May
we comfort you?"
"Yes."
She
stands and pulls him to her, and he rests his head against her abdomen the way
he used to with his mother, and she hums a melody that isn't anything his
mother would have done but it's soothing anyway.
He
weeps into her shirt, as she kneads his shoulders and hums and tells him he is
fine, he is perfectly fine the way he is.
"I
want Seven," he whispers into the soft cloth of her shirt. "I love
Seven."
"We
know. Raffi also knows this. She is ready to let go of you. Let her. A clean
slice will reduce the harm to her."
"I
like her so much. I don't want to hurt her. She was exactly what I needed but
now..."
"We
understand." She tips his head up to look at her. "Would you like to
hear the voices Seven heard? Just for a moment? To know what she might someday
consider home."
"Wouldn't
I have to be assimilated?"
"No."
"Then
yes."
And
just like that, pouring into him are voices upon voices. There is so much
support and love and...hope. This collective is full of optimism for the
future. They know they will make a difference.
And
then it all goes quiet.
She
brushes the tears off his face as he says, "Thank you," over and
over.
##
Raffi
sits with him in his quarters as he tells her what Agnes showed him. She can
feel the change in him, the acceptance he seems to have, the calm assurance.
She
thinks this is the Shaw Seven fell in love with, the man she first served with.
Calm and thoughtful. Bent a bit by responsibility but not broken.
Not
even now that he knows his part in all this because he accepts it.
He's
holding her hands and his left hand isn't shaking.
She
can feel her tears starting and he pulls her to him, crushing her to him.
Saying over and over, "I love you."
And
she knows he does.
But
she also knows that she isn't the person he's in love with.
And
to be honest, the Liam Shaw she wanted to be with...is gone. He's been gone for
five years. She should never have met him but she has and she's choosing to see
that as a gift rather than a curse.
She
eases out of his grasp enough to meet his eyes. "I will always love you. I
will die for you. I will kill for you. But this you isn't the one that I'm in
love with."
"I
know."
"And
this you isn't in love with me."
He
nods and she loves that he won't say it. "But I don't want to hurt
you." He has tears in his eyes. "I really don't."
"And
you won't. Because we're not just lovers, we're friends too. Just like Seven
and I are." She cuddles into him. "And she's been so lonely without
you. I'll be happy not to be hurting her anymore."
"You
didn't hurt her. You were more than fair, more than kind. I hurt her." He
swallows hard. "I was a dick."
"Yeah,
you were. But, she'll forgive you. She probably already has."
He
nods. He looks over at the bed and frowns, she thinks, at not seeing his
cashmere throw there.
"I
moved the stuff you'd brought over back to your quarters while you were with
Agnes. And I took you off the door."
"You
were that sure?"
"Yeah.
I do know you now. I had faith you'd find yourself." Although Seven's off
the ship and she thinks her friend is not sure, not sure at all. "And my
highest self wanted you to."
"Even
if that means we'd lose each other."
"I'm
not going anywhere. Neither are you. No loss, just a change in status."
She kisses him lightly on the lips, not a sensual move but a benediction, a
wish of good fortune with her friend.
A
goodbye even if they will still see each other every day.
Then
she pulls away and says, "Go to her." She makes her voice the one
that scares men like Riker. "Now."
He
isn't scared of her and she loves that. "Thank you, Raffi."
"Go
on. Git." She smiles, her best smile, and she's not actually sure how
she's doing it except this man is now one of her best friends and he belongs
with another of her best friends.
He
stands, then turns and leans down and kisses her forehead before walking out.
She gives him enough time to get to Seven, and then she gets up and walks down
the hall to Ohk's room praying she doesn't have company.
Ohk
opens the door, takes one look at her, and says, "Oh, honey." Then
she pulls her into her quarters, curls up with her on the bed, wraps a really
soft blanket around them, and holds her as she weeps for both her lost loves.
##
Seven
wanders the back corridors of Starfleet Medical until she finds a small office.
She's stayed away from the Doctor, but if Liam might ask Agnes to wipe his
memory, maybe it's time to consider what Kathryn said, to give the Doctor a
chance.
Or
at least figure out if there's anything at all there. It's been years since
she's seen him. How does she know what she'll feel?
She
takes a deep breath and rings for admittance.
The
doors open and the Doctor is standing at them, clearly surprised. "Hello,
stranger."
"Hi."
He
pulls her into a hug and she lets him. She does love him.
Even
if she's never going to be in love with him—she's sure as soon as he opens the
door. When she feels what she always feels for him: overwhelming gratitude for
how he shepherded her in her human journey and affection for the man himself.
Affection,
not passion. Not the kind of love she feels for Liam.
She
wouldn't leave her back open to shooters for the Doctor.
She's
not sure she'd have done it for Raffi. And she hates that thought. And maybe
it's ironic that Raffi will end up with Liam if he does ask Agnes to wipe his
mind.
And
there'll be nothing left for her.
"Are
you all right, Seven?"
She
shakes her head.
He
moves aside, motions her in. "Kathryn may have filled me in. I think she
had some hope for us. I, however, did not. I know you don't think of me that
way."
"I
wish I could. I know you'd be good to me."
"I
would be. But chemistry is hard to manufacture. Impossible I daresay." He
pulls out a stool next to a drafting table and she sits as he takes the one
where he's clearly been working.
"What's
this?"
"I'm
playing with design. I have a flair for it, as it turns out."
"May
I?"
"Of
course." He doesn't move so she has to lean against him to see the plans.
She
expects it to be of a medical device or some kind of holographic aide, but it's
a...park. "This is beautiful."
"I
keep entering design contests. My last took third. I'm hoping this one might
win." He looks up at her. "There is a theme. See if you can guess
it."
She
studies the placement of the various areas, the way things flow, the colors of
the flowers when she drills down, the areas that are clearly planned, the areas
that are more wild. The way there are places for children and tables that look
like they would be good for games in the park like chess or backgammon. There
is a place just for dogs and other similar pets.
"No
guesses?"
"No.
But I'd like to be there."
"Hmmm,
I may have to work on aligning more with the theme. I didn't take it
literally."
"Don't
judge by me. I'm not at my best. The man I love is possibly having his memory
wiped of his time with, well, me." And three other years but she doesn't
care about those as much.
"Then
he's a fool, Seven." He stands up and pulls her into another hug.
"He's the biggest fool of all."
She
pulls away, runs her hand down his face, and then leans in, kissing him.
He
kisses her back but then he pulls away and is frowning. "I expected
something more." He frowns deeper. "There's no...fire."
"I
had to try."
"You
didn't feel fire, did you? I suppose I could try again, if you did."
She
laughs and shakes her head. "Never change."
"I
don't think I'm capable of changing."
"That's
bull, and we both know it. Give me another shot at this design theme. Do you
have a visualization of walking through it?"
"I
do." He hands her the VR glasses and she's suddenly in the park, and birds
are singing, and she hears water although she doesn't remember seeing a water
feature. Even though there aren't any people that she can see, there are voices
and the sounds of children playing.
"Oh.
This is escape." She pulls the headset off. "And it's meant to be
experienced this way, not for real."
"Very
good. It's for long-term patients. Those who can't wander at will—especially
those with no family. The system allows them to put familiar faces into the
park with them. Or even pets. Not unlike a holodeck. Or they can use the random
option and make a new friend."
"I
think it's beautiful. The water—why no fountains? The sound is there but no
actual water, unless I missed it."
"No,
you didn't. I like the idea of the water being there but hidden—it's a risk,
though. I'm not sure the judging panel will appreciate it but I really feel
that it's the right choice."
"It's
beautiful."
He
beams at her. "It means the world that you think so." He sits back
down. "May I ask you something that may cause you pain?"
"I
think it's only fair."
"This
man you love. What's he like?"
"He's
solid, physically but also temperament. He's calm and he doesn't react the way
I do, rushing off into shit before thinking. He used to call me 'Ready, fire,
aim Hansen.'" She laughs at the thought.
"I
have heard you are quite the shot."
"Oh,
I am. But he meant, you know, reckless."
"Ah."
"He
knew every regulation by heart and he knew which of them were stupid and had
the most creative workarounds you've ever seen. Instead of being insubordinate
he was so smart, so clever.
"And
he cared about his crew. He had the best safety record. And he loved mentoring
the junior officers. I mean loved—it recharged him. I found it exhausting but
he thrived on it."
"Is
he a strong man physically?"
"Yes.
Very."
"Handsome?"
She
closes her eyes and nods, seeing his face, the beard she thinks makes him look
so sexy, the cheekbones so sharp they seem like they could cut, his crazy
smile, his beautiful eyes, the voice she has fantasized hearing in her ear, in
her bed.
"I
hope someday I'm wearing the look I see on your face. That someone can mean
that much to me."
She
opens her eyes. "Do you meet a lot of people here?"
He
gets a funny look, then leans in. "For the last design contest, they did
the awards in person. The woman who took first is...well, she's exceptional. We
had the best conversation. I didn't pursue her because—"
"Of
me?"
He
nods. "But now that I know you and I have no sexual chemistry, I think
I'll call her."
"I
think that's a great idea." She touches his face. "Sexual chemistry
or not, you're still one of my favorite people and I love you."
"And
I love you, Seven."
##
Shaw
rings for access to Seven's quarters, is about to give up like he did earlier,
then hears her soft, "Come," and walks in as the doors open.
She's
sitting cross legged on the bed, dressed in sweats and a tank top. Her hair is
piled on top of her head in a messy bun her face is fresh scrubbed.
She
looks so fucking beautiful to him he can't stand it.
"I
came earlier. You weren't here. And you uh...you took me off the door."
It's shitty to admit he tried to get in that way but he likes truth and so does
she.
"It
seemed like it was time." She looks down.
"Were
you with someone?"
She
glares at him. "How is that your business? Mister 'I Might Wipe You Out of
My Memory for Good'?"
"I
just go by Liam now." He grins when she smiles in a way that is so clearly
against her will. "I think it's my business because I fell in love with
you on that mission to Clahada. And I should have just fucking told you
then." He swallows too hard, so visibly. Fuck, his hands are sweating so
he wipes them on his jeans. "Did you fall in love with me then, too?"
"I
think so, yeah." She isn't looking away. "But you forgot me."
"I
am so sorry for that."
"What
were you really having Agnes do?"
"I
needed to know how things would have turned out if I'd made different choices.
And...I was willing to be assimilated to find out. And I knew you wouldn't let
that happen, which is why I didn't tell you everything."
"You
didn't."
"I
think you'd feel it, right? If I was assimilated?" Wouldn't she?
"I
don't know. I don't completely understand her or her collective."
"She
really helped me." He moves to the chair that was always his favorite and
sits. "We worked through so many scenarios. And...the crew suffers no
matter what. Assimilation happens no matter what. It wasn't...it wasn't my
fault."
"How
would it be your fault?"
"For
not listening to you, for not listening to Picard and Riker at dinner. For
calling security the minute we got back. But no matter what I changed...it was
hard to find scenarios that led to any kind of happy-ish ending. And they
weren't very true to me, who I am, what I'd really do."
"So
you're at peace?"
"I
am. And...Agnes is amazing." He laughs. "How fucking ironic is it
that a Borg Queen is helping me get my head on straight, helping me unbreak my
heart, know that all those youngsters aren't traumatized because of me."
"Pretty
fucking ironic." She seems to be taking in what he said. "So it
really wasn't me? It was...guilt?"
He
nods. "And now I'm here. I understand that you might not want me
anymore... I mean how fucking stable am I, right? Can't deal with the last five
years? No problem, just forget them." He looks down.
"What
about you and Raffi?" Her voice is trembling and he looks up as he says,
"We're done. Friends, but done as anything else."
"And
you and me?"
"That's
up to you, Seven."
"I
betrayed you."
"And
I accept that."
"No
forgiveness?" Her tone is suddenly hard.
"None
needed. You and I were...players on a chessboard. We moved the way we were
supposed to. And we won the game. But we bruised and clawed each other a bit in
the process."
"We
did. And then you died."
"Some
players were forfeited. It doesn't mean they didn't contribute while they were
there." Like T'Veen and himself. Working hard to make a difference until
their time ran out.
"And
which player on that chessboard were you?"
"I
don't know. Chess isn't really my thing. But I know what you were."
She
rolls her eyes. "Let me guess: the Queen?"
He
smiles gently. "Well, yeah, but you're also the King, Seven. You're the
goddamned fucking King. You're awe inspiring and you're relentless and you've
handled this with so much fucking grace. I know I've hurt you. I know what an
asshole I've been."
"And
I know what an asshole you'll probably continue to be. Because dick is in your
DNA." She gets up and walks to him. "What do you want, Liam? Why are
you here?"
He
looks up at her, feels no need to rise, to be at her level to fight back.
There's nothing to fight over anymore—not that they probably won't find
reasons. They seem to thrive on arguing. "I want you. Seven of Nine. My
beautiful captain. If I have to work for it, that's fine. I can do
courtship."
"What
if I don't want you anymore? What if it's too big a risk?"
He
thinks about it. "Come on, Hansen. You know you love a challenge." He
grins, his full mouthed one, the lopsided one, and she is moving toward him,
and he's pulling her down so she's straddling him, and they are kissing.
For
the very first time.
For
a very long time.
Until
he realizes she's crying.
He
pulls away and kisses her tears. "I'm so sorry. I'm so deeply sorry."
She
rises enough that he can ease her pants and underwear off, then she pulls his
off, and he pulls her back down, onto him, and he's into her and it's bliss.
She's
trembling in his arms and tears stream down her face as she moves, so damn
slowly it's almost torture.
"I'm
so sorry, Seven. I love you so much."
"I
love you. I wasn't okay without you."
"You
did great though. You're amazing." He pulls her even closer to him,
kissing her, holding her, as she continues the slow movements, as if she can't
bear for either of them to come, to be...finished.
"I'm
not going anywhere." He nips at her playfully. "Unless you tell me to
get out. Then I'll leave but under duress because here is where I want to
be."
She
laughs and bears down and he groans. "You'll say anything while you're
inside me."
He
stops her movement and his own, wants her to really hear him. "Me? I say
what I mean, you know that. And what I mean is I want to be yours. I want you
to be mine. I wasn't forgetting you. I was forgetting me. And the enormous
guilt that overwhelmed me as I stood there shooting, even before I fell. All my
junior officers. Assimilated. So many of my older crew dead. And I thought it
was my fault. So I gave you the ship and I died and somehow, when I woke up,
I'd partitioned that whole thing off, so that everything that made me that man
was gone and only the fun engineer remained."
She's
starts moving again but is listening, watching you as you talk.
"Agnes
made me whole."
"And
Raffi."
"And
you. Your patience with me. The grace you showed. I know I keep using that word
but...it means something special. It's...priceless how gentle you were with me.
When your own heart was breaking."
She
stops moving and he doesn't try to take over. Just waits as she hugs him, her
lips on his neck, and he hugs her back just as hard. "Liam, I've spent my
whole life since arriving in the Alpha Quadrant running. You're the only thing
I've ever wanted to stay still for."
Then
she lets go and starts moving almost viciously, watching him, her expression
half loving—and half angry—and he can't blame her. He lets her go and feels
himself responding to her the same way he used to respond to their arguments.
Like
they're fire and lightning and other things terrifying and damaging and
ultimately undeniable. And capable of dancing with each other, loving each
other—when no one else is.
She
starts to breathe heavily, her eyes wild as she stops and cries out, as he
holds her and says, "That's it. Let go. My beautiful, beautiful
Seven."
And
then she's collapsed against him, breathing hard, her forehead resting on his
shoulder as she starts moving, not so viciously this time.
He
can feel himself losing control. "Look at me."
She
does, and she doesn't look away as he clutches her, as his breath catches and
he's going, calling her name out—the name she prefers, that she wanted to hear
from him and now she finally will—and it makes her smile.
And
then she holds him, his cheek against her breasts, the shirt wet from her
earlier tears.
"Am
I home, Seven?"
"We're
both home, Liam."
##
Raffi
wakes in a bed that smells of unfamiliar perfume, wrapped in a blanket that
isn't hers.
"Hey,"
a soft voice behind her and she turns and sees Ohk sitting in a chair reading.
"You want coffee?"
"That'd
be nice."
She
gets up and walks to the replicator and there is a definite sway in her walk,
the shorts fitting exactly right. When she turns around and meets her eyes, she
laughs. "Did I not say the old Liam and I had exactly the same taste in
women? These are my best shorts. I hope I'm wearing the hell out of them."
Raffi
laughs as she sits up and takes the mug from her. "You did say that and
yeah, you are."
Ohk
sits by her on the bed not touching, just comfortingly close. "If it's any
consolation, I'm really going to miss that Liam Shaw. This new one, the
captain—I mean I still love him, and I'll gladly serve under him or with him or
whatever the future brings. But...I really liked having the goofy engineer
back. My crazy friend. My partner in crime." She wipes her eyes.
"Shit. I hate crying."
"Yeah,
me too. So they're probably..."
"Yeah.
They probably are. Especially since they both just logged in as on leave for a
mental health day."
"For
real?" Seven never did shit like that for her. "True fucking
love." She wants to throw the mug but it's not her mug and not her room.
She sips the coffee instead. "Can't wait to face the bridge crew. Did I
tell you Sidney asked how I could do it? Take my bestie's man. She asked Seven
first and got nowhere."
"She
didn't." Ohk laughs. "Okay, yeah she did, but she's being too binary
in this. I'm Trill and we don't tend to look at things quite so this or that.
You're Seven's friend. You're also her ex. And I think the part of you that is
her friend is the part that went out of your way to not make it hurt as badly
as it could."
"That's
a nice thought."
"The
ex though. She was pissed. Do you want to tell me why?"
"Why
should I?"
"Because
I'd like to know who exactly it is I'm going to be pursuing."
"Oh,
you're going to be pursuing me?"
"Yeah?
How long has it been since someone who's not ultimately dark and damaged chased
you?" She grins as she touches her cheek. "So, ex stuff. Lay it on
me. I won't judge."
Raffi
realizes she wants to. "When I met her...it was like a lightning bolt.
Instant attraction. And she was as rough and tumble as I was and just as
smart." She stops, remembering how good it was.
Until
it wasn't. "The thing was, I kind of thought we shared a son."
Ohk
looks confused.
"She
had one. If you ever go into her quarters, you'll see his shirt on her bed's
shelf. He was killed. Not my story to tell. But there was this young man,
Elnor, and I loved him—and still do, he's fine. And I thought she did too.
Until I woke up one day and the ship she used was gone, and when I commed her,
she was back doing her Ranger job."
"Well,
vacations end."
"She
just left, Ohk. Everything was perfect—I was in a good place and we had him and
she just left." She wipes her eyes, hating that this still hurts.
"She'd come back, but never for long. I finally gave up thinking we could
have a home together—a life that was just us."
"It
must have been hard to keep to sobriety."
"It
was. It really, really was. But I did. Elnor got into the Academy and I went
back into Starfleet and that was another thing, she could have tried but kept
saying no. And she never told me that Starfleet had rejected her years before.
I found that out after I was back in."
"So
communication wasn't her strong suit?"
"Not
with me. And then there was this crazy mission we were on when I did find that
out. I mean fucking bonkers." She remembers how happy Seven was without
the implants. How little she needed from her, how she fit into that world in
ways Raffi never would.
How
she left her at the bar and went to make friends with strangers rather than
spend time alone with her.
"She
was happy, but we weren't. And then she was dying and then she wasn't. Because
of Borg nanoprobes" That Seven probably would have refused if asked. Even
though she used them on Liam. "And that was because of me. I asked for the
Jurati Queen to save her."
"This
is getting super confusing."
"I
know. Sorry." She takes a long sip of coffee. "And then life went on,
and I went back to my ship, and she went to OCS and we just...ended. Slowly.
Over comms that went nowhere."
"I
hate that. Have the courage to end the fucking thing, right?"
"Right.
Liam did. I respect him so much."
She
cocks her head, "Do you not respect the captain?"
"As
a captain, yes. As a friend, I'm pretty sure yes. As a lover, oh hell no."
Ohk
laughs. "Neither would I."
"So
I'm thinking all right, whatever, she's ex Borg and she's fucked up and she's
never going to be a prize package for commitment. But then I come here and I
see her with him. This woman who cannot—will not—commit to me. And all I can
see between them—even though they are so pissed at each other—is forever. They
were rock solid together."
Ohk
lets the statement hang for a long time before saying, "That had to
hurt."
"You
have no idea. I had her back, though. Through it all. And his. I stayed on this
ship when she told me to go with the others."
"Thank
God. I don't think we would have made it without you. Transporting them all off
the bridge using phasers to do it? That was brilliant. And very hot."
"Yeah?"
She
nods, her smile easy and uncomplicated. "You had a lot to resent her for.
Is she ever in touch with your boy?"
"No.
But to be fair to her, he's super loyal to me and..." She shrugs.
"She
hurt you so he's mad at her."
"He's
Romulan."
"Oh,
fuck. Say no more." She laughs. "You've led a very interesting
life."
"Since
she brought Liam back, she's reached further back, to her Voyager
family. Which is probably good for her. But...I don't fit there. I never would
have. The Seven I was with wouldn't have either." She takes a deep breath.
"And now she'll take him and her Liam will be fine because he's with her.
And that's how I'll console myself. My Liam is gone. But it hurts because I
really liked Liam from five years ago."
"And
he loved you. I heard him say it."
"He
didn't say it again."
"No.
Because that Liam was disappearing." She sips her coffee.
"Ugh,
I want a mental health day too."
Ohk
squeezes her shoulder. "I think you should walk onto that bridge and sit
in your chair and do your work like always and if anyone looks at you sideways,
ignore it. Fuck them all. They don't have to understand why you did it. You do.
I do. Liam may or may not, but he's a boy so who cares?"
Raffi
chuckles.
"And
I think Seven knows. Because she didn't fight it. Maybe she thought it was
poetic justice."
Raffi
considers that. "I don't actually think she's that introspective. She
probably just thought she screwed up the nanoprobes."
Ohk
laughs. "Maybe so. I don't really know her that well."
"She
was your first officer."
"Yeah,
but we're not close. Which is probably a good thing if I succeed in convincing
you that a Trill girlfriend would be way better than an ex-Borg one."
"You're
forgetting Liam."
"The
Liam you were with disappeared five years ago. That was just...sensor remnants
you were with."
"Jeez.
Grim."
"Yeah,
sorry. Sometimes I go dark."
"That's
not a turnoff sadly." She checks the time. "I have to go get ready.
Thank you, for the bed and the ear and the coffee and the huge boost to my ego.
If you're just kidding around, that's fine."
"I
don't actually kid around when it comes to that. I hate games. But if you'd
rather I backed off, I can pretend I never said anything about how incredibly
attractive I find you. How funny and smart and giving and warm and...?"
She gives Raffi the sweetest damn smile. "Should I stop?"
"For
now. But...later?" She shrugs and tries to make it a sexy one. "I'm
intrigued."
"You're
also heartbroken and I recognize that. But if you want to get dinner with me,
just hang out, see how that feels—if there's chemistry...?"
"How
about tomorrow night. Tonight I might need a good cry."
"You're
on."
##
Seven
lies next to Liam as he tells her about hearing the collective, watching the
emotions play across his face.
"Is
that what being a traditional Borg was like? Such joy and optimism?"
"No.
The traditional Borg have emotional repression devices. If your emotions go
beyond a certain level, your system shuts down."
"Yikes."
He traces her eyebrow implant, then the one on her hip. They've kicked off the
covers during their lovemaking and she shivers, so he reaches down until he
finds the sheet and pulls it up and back over them, pulling her closer as he
does it.
She
feels like she can't be close enough to him, anything he wants to do is fine
with her, anything she wants seems to be fine with him. She kisses him,
lingering, sensual kisses that bring life to what he said was dead from overuse
and he laughs as he rolls her to her back.
"You're
magic." He plays with her, his fingers as wondrously skilled as she
thought they would be. His tongue just as lovely, and then before she can come,
he's inside her, moving just right, hitting all the right places and she is
gone, and he keeps going, watching her, kissing her until he can't because he's
going too.
They're
playing hooky and neither one cares what anyone thinks. She knows she probably
should but she's tired of sitting in the chair when the ship isn't going
anywhere. So she closes her eyes and breathes him in as he eases off her and
pulls her in so she can fall asleep in his arms.
She
wakes and is unsure where she is. The room is filled with mist and she sees
Liam at the foot of the bed. He's pulling on his clothes and whistling a tune
so jaunty it pisses her off.
"What
are you doing, Liam?"
"This
was fun. But, uh, ultimately a mistake."
She
rises to all fours, turns and launches herself off the bed, at him, clawing and
biting and saying, "I hate you. I hate you right now."
A
shake wakes her up. "Seven," Liam says and he's still naked and still
in bed and she scuttles back and stares at him.
"Fun
dream, huh?"
"Fun
is fucking overrated." She crawls off the bed, goes into the bathroom, and
locks the door.
As
she sits on the floor, she hears him outside, knocking gently, then saying,
"Sev, maybe let me in?"
She
allows the door to open a sliver, so she can see him when he slides down the
wall and sits on the other side of the door.
"What's
going on?"
"I'm
pissed. You son of a bitch." She glares at him but thinks the sliver she's
allowed isn't giving him the full expression so she opens it more so he can get
the full effect.
"You'd
rather allow me access so I can how PO'd you are than maintain safety."
"Safety—when
is anyone safe really?" She sighs. "In my dream you were out of bed,
getting dressed, and I think going back to Raffi—done with me, in any
case."
"Not
a great dream. I wish I could give you nice ones. Maybe you should have chosen
the courtship option?"
"Fuck
you."
Her
cursing him out seems to be reassuring and he slides close enough to put his
fingers on the door and she puts hers over them.
"Did
you fuck her before you broke up?"
"No.
We haven't for a few days. Not since I told her I wanted to see Agnes. And she
had my stuff moved back to my place by the time I got back from the Jurati
ship."
She
frowns and turns to look at him, to make sure he's not making that up.
"She knew you were through?"
"We
both did. We just weren't ready to call it yet."
"Do
you know where I was, you dipshit? I went down to visit someone who's been in
love with me for years to see if there was any chemistry. Because I thought you
were wiping me out of your mind."
"There
wasn't chemistry, was there?"
"No,
there wasn't chemistry, but that's not the point. You need to talk to me.
Include me."
"Seven,
I was in a very weird spot. I don't think we'll be facing the same thing."
"Oh,
really? Let's talk about that dinner with Picard and Riker. You tell me you're
going to throw dinner for my friends who you left me to deal with alone. And
then you make a fucking fool of me without any warning."
"I
played the Chopin. You said so yourself."
"That's
like asking forgiveness instead of permission. Because you didn't want to talk
to me."
"You
weren't exactly talking to me either when you gave them my fucking
shuttle."
"I
loaned it to them."
"Yeah,
well, it never came back, did it?"
She
starts to laugh. "Very, very long-term loan."
"Open
this fucking door."
"Open
it yourself, Mister Engineer."
"I
can't. You took me off the access list."
"And
the door panel is inside the bathroom."
"Well..."
He stands, pulls a knife out of his boot, and begins to cut through the
wallpaper.
"What
are you doing?"
"Opening
the damn door." He does something and the door whooshes open. "Come
back to bed."
"I'm
hungry."
"You
have a replicator. Tell me what you want and I'll get it for you."
She
shakes her head.
He
crouches down in front of her. "Do you want to go out?"
She
shakes her head. "I want you all to myself."
"Same
here." He sighs, grabs her under the arms and hauls her to her feet,
orders a glass of crushed ice and pomegranate juice, and hands it to her.
"I think your blood sugar's low."
She
takes a sip, the pomegranate perfectly in the middle of tart and sweet as she
chomps the crushed ice gently. "Get us stuff we can eat in bed."
She
walks to the bed and sees he's staring at her, watching her walk away from him
rather than getting food.
"That
was an order, Mister Shaw."
He
laughs. "I fucking love you. But my God you're a handful."
"Oh,
like you're easy?" She takes another sip of the drink. "Thank you.
This is what I needed."
"I
do know you, Seven." He orders them a plate of food they can easily share
in the bed and sets it between them, then lies down. "Seriously, are you
all right?"
"This
was hard. Being noble is for the fucking birds."
"Kiss
me."
"No.
Feed me."
He
laughs, seemingly accepting he will be subject to her whims for a little while.
"Fine. Let's start with this." He holds out a slice of cheese.
She
debates biting him, decides not to. She's afraid she'll do it too hard and
doesn't want to interrupt their play day by having to take him to sickbay or
digging out wherever she put her dermal regenerator.
He
rolls his eyes. "Do I have to say not to bite."
"Today,
no. In the future...?"
"Good
answer."
11:
He
wakes to find Seven already up and in the shower. She left the door open, he
hopes that means she won't mind sharing the room while he takes a pee.
"Good
morning," he says, wanting to join her in the shower but she has the look
of someone who's in there because she has to be, not because she wants to be.
"Unexpected meeting?"
"Yes.
They want to talk about a new science officer." She puts her hand on the
frosted shower door as if reaching for him and then pulls it back and finishes
up.
He's
touched but he knows he's also a little needy. She doesn't entirely trust him
and she can do the exact opposite of what he expects. He knows that from
experience.
"Who
do you want? And is it okay that I'm leaning against the counter watching you
shower like a big perv?"
"Yes,
it is okay. If there's a day it's not, I'll tell you." She is soaping up
and that visual alone could fuel fantasies for a good year or more.
"Who
do you want for science officer?"
"I
have no preference. Raffi doesn't appear to. I'm worried..."
"You're
worried..."
"That
they're going to try to foist Data on me. He's so fucking annoying, Liam."
He
laughs out loud. "Wow, the woman with mechanical implants doesn't like
androids."
"I
don't mind androids. And I'm fully cognizant that he saved our lives with
Vadic. But...not the science officer I really want."
"T'Veen
has a twin sister."
"I
know. I talked to her. She's not interested."
"How
bad was your sales pitch?" And also was it while she was in the middle of
what he'd put her through? She probably hadn't been overflowing with captainly
joy. "Do you want me to go call her. Change her mind?"
"Yes,
please."
He
pulls on his clothes, goes to the terminal, and gets connected right away.
"T'Vara."
"Liam
Shaw. The man who gets shot and comes back." He can hear the "unlike
my sister" part loud and clear.
Maybe
asking T'Vara is a monumentally bad idea.
"Are
you here to recruit me? Your captain—is she your captain now? I'm super
confused. She said you were in engineering but I'd already made up my mind I
didn't want the position and sort of tuned her out."
He
wants to laugh because she's so different than T'Veen, who would have followed
the conversation no matter how ticked off she was.
"I
can see how sitting in her seat would be an unpleasant reminder for you. It
might be weird for everyone here too." Even though everyone on the bridge
knew T'Vara for her frequent visits when the ships were in the same place—and
enjoyed the intellectual sparring matches she and T'Veen engaged in.
She's
always been easier to read than her twin was. He can see sadness but also the
unwillingness she's always had to do anything the Vulcan way, wanting to
embrace the Deltan part of her heritage far more than T'Veen ever did.
"I'm glad you understand."
"And
I can totally see how it would be intimidating. You know. To follow that act.
Step into her shoes. T'Veen was—well you know: amazing."
It's
wrong to play her, but he always wanted to get her on his ship and T'Veen had
been all for it. Trouble was, T'Vara wouldn't take beta shift and he wouldn't
agree to let them switch around all the time.
Twins
were a bit of a pain. "Okay, then. I'll let you go."
"Wait.
This Seven of Nine—she's going to be a good captain?"
He
gives her a smile he knows is unequivocal. "The best. Totally different
than me, though. Woo boy." That's the other selling point. T'Vara always
considered him stodgy. A fact she told him to his face, not something he
learned from her sister. "Gonna be a way different vibe with her and the
new first officer, and she's amazing too."
Seven
is standing at the bathroom door, out of range of the cameras on the terminal,
toweling off, watching him manipulate with an amused look on her face.
"Okay,
well, take care, T'Vara."
"Wait.
I'd like to put my name in the hat. There is a hat, yes?"
"Well,
it's a big fucking hat because it's got lots of names in it, but I could put a
good word in with the captain for you. She loves to follow my guidance."
Seven
actually lets out a cackle then backs into the bathroom, and he can hear her
laughing.
"What
was that noise?"
"I'm
pet sitting a bird. The Annikeet. New hybrid designer bird. Part Canada goose,
part lorikeet."
"Oh."
She lifts an eyebrow. "That pairing seems unlikely."
"Gene
splicing."
"They
will put anything together these days. I will wait to hear from Captain Seven
of Nine, then?"
"Yep.
And T'Vara, I really am sorry. I miss T'Veen so much."
She
touches the screen. "As do I. T'Vara out."
"An
Anikeet? Seriously?" But she's smiling as she comes out in her uniform.
"You're very quick on your feet when you lie. I'm going to have to
remember that."
He
pulls her close and kisses her deeply. "I will try never to lie to you. We
both like honesty, right?"
"Will
you promise never to manipulate me?" There's a look he doesn't like on her
face.
"No
more than I always have. You asked me to talk to her."
"I
didn't ask you to play games with her. She has a broken heart."
"And
here will be a very good place for it to mend. Also, she will keep us all safe
because like T'Veen, she's an excellent science officer. I personally want her
on this ship."
"I'm
not sure if that makes it better or not. Just...promise me you'll try a more
direct approach when you want me to do something before you manipulate,
okay?" She glances at the chrono. "I have to dry my hair."
As
she rushes back in to use the dryer, he sits at her desk, thinking about what
she's saying.
Then
he walks into the bathroom once the dryer goes off and asks, "Did Raffi
manipulate you?"
"Guilt
trip central. In the most logical way imaginable." She meets his eyes in
the mirror.
"Did
Chakotay?"
"No."
She puts on some lip balm, and says, "I'll see you later," then
hurries out of the room.
He
goes back to his quarters, takes a shower, and considers whether or not what he
did to T'Vara was underhanded.
He
did play her. But it will benefit the whole.
He
decides he can live with that. But he will have to be careful how often he
tries that shit with Seven.
Better
to know that now than later, after he's pissed her off so many times she will
be less inclined to forgive him.
##
Raffi's
in the main cafeteria at Command, thinking about the things her therapist said,
when she sees Jack come out from the food area to the dining. He holds his tray
and walks slowly, as if he isn't the reason people were assimilated—as if a lot
of people in the cafeteria don't know it.
She
admires the hell out of him. She'd be popping into the grab-and-go to get her
meals for the foreseeable future if she were he.
He
sees her and she motions him over to her table.
"Are
you on a tight deadline for class or would you like to sit?"
"We
let out early. I uh, I'm just doing this because I feel the need to show the
bullies they can't intimidate me."
"Then
sit. And let them see that they don't just screw with you, but with your
unofficial mentor."
"You're
my mentor?" He grins at her and she sees bits of JL and Beverly in his
face, but mostly she just sees Jack.
"Am
now." She gives him the warmest professional smile in her repertoire. One
that hopefully will say to the jerks: "Back off."
"Thanks."
He sits and the starch seems to go out of him a little. He's a good actor but
she can tell he's feeling what's going on.
"Have
you seen a therapist?"
"Deanna
Troi ran away from me my mind was so scary. Yeah, no thanks."
"There
are others. Really good ones."
"And
how do I know that they didn't lose someone because of me? That they won't
mind-fuck me as payback?"
"If
I find you one who's clean of all that, will you go?"
He
thinks about it and nods. "It'd be nice to talk about this to someone who
doesn't give a shit at the end of the day. Who's just doing their job."
"Consider
me on it." And she'd ask Ohk, who is way better connected in Starfleet
Medical than Raffi expected. "How are things going with your dad?"
He
completely closes down.
"Jack...?"
"He's
your friend. I'm not going to..." He shakes his head and seems intent on
his sandwich.
"Look,
kiddo. I just got out of a session where we talked about how drawn I am to
cold, unattainable people. He's one of them—only not in a romantic way. Well, I
might have had a little crush when I first started—anyway not the point."
He
laughs and seems to relax. "Things are kind of...superficial. He loves to
tell stories. He doesn't always ask a lot about me, though."
"That's
just old people in general." Shit, did she just say that? So rude.
But
he laughs and says, "Yeah, I think you might be right. I went to one of
their poker games. If it wasn't nostalgia porn for when they all served
together, it was people telling—some admittedly very funny—stories. But it's
sort of like they're all on transmit mode." He frowns. "Which given I
was the transmitter, I guess I fit right in."
"I
think they receive too. They're just so used to having information thrust at
them from each other that they may not be in the habit of digging for it. And
if you're anything like me, the minute I think someone doesn't want to know,
then I make it doubly hard for them to get to what I actually want them to know
because I'm hurt, and I shut down."
"Same.
Nice to know I'm not the only one. Peril of life feeling very alone."
"Amen.
I used to live in the desert. Not off the grid but damn near. Paranoid—or so
I'd been told. I was actually right but does anyone say, 'Hey, Raff, sorry we
didn't listen?'"
"Peril
of being a Cassandra." His look is sympathetic and she wonders how many
times growing up he saw things happening but couldn't stop them because no one
would listen. "So are you saying I need to be one of them? Just tell him
stuff and see if he can hear it?"
"I
am. Try it a few times. If it gets you nowhere, then you know it's not the
approach, it's him. But it might get you somewhere that I think you really want
to be."
He
nods thoughtfully. Then he leans in. "Can I ask you something that is none
of my business?"
"Liam?"
He
nods. "You guys are over now that he's got his memories back, right?"
"Yeah.
The way I'm choosing to look at it is that I was actually making progress.
Going for a straight up happy, fun guy. Now we have to disregard that he was an
amnesiac who could get his memory back and if he did would not be that
guy."
"And
that he was with the captain."
"They
weren't lovers."
"Oh
come on. Even if they weren't sleeping together, they were together."
She
looks down. "And you're wondering how I could do that to my friend? I know
your girlfriend wonders."
"I
think she's going to let that go now. None of her business." He looks a
little fierce and she feels a pang of relief that maybe someone is on her side.
"She's your ex, too."
"I'm
not going to discuss this in any detail with you. But yeah, that complicated
things. But it's uncomplicated and Seven and I are fine—"
"No,
you're not."
"Fuck
you, we are too."
"So
you've talked to her since she and Liam...?"
She
looks away, out the window to the fountain in the courtyard. "I'm not sure
I see the point."
"Do
you know where the line is between her being your friend and being your
ex?" At her look, he raises his hands. "Don't kill me with those
laser beam eyes. I'm just asking. Because I'm not sure I would."
"Well,
yeah. Of course I do." Doesn't she? Shit, does she?
He
has a very self-satisfied grin on his face.
"Oh
shut it."
"I
didn't say a word." He points to the sliced pickles on her plate.
"You going to eat them?"
"God,
growing boys. Why do I always end up with you?" She indicates he can take
the pickles.
As
he munches happily, she asks the thing she really doesn't want the answer to.
"Look, I was an ops officer on a bridge."
"Which
ship?"
"Excelsior,"
she says. "Anyway, I know how much of the dynamics between captain and
first officer rub off on the bridge crew, how much they hear. How much
they...judge."
"No
one's judging you. They're just a little confused is all."
"They
wanted her with him." She says it as the fact it is, not a question.
"Yeah,
I guess. They were fun to watch fight from what I hear."
"And
the crew felt safe with them."
"They
feel safe with you and Seven also. I think it's that they think they can't
enjoy the tension between you two the way they did with her and Liam. Because
sexual tension is fun but angry tension isn't."
"I'll
work on it." Although the tension takes two to create and she's not sure
if Seven will work on it or not.
But
she'll start building bridges. Because Seven sure as shit won't be doing that.
Not after she was so careful not to make waves while Raffi was with Liam. She
backed away and now the bridges Raffi builds will have to be longer and
stronger if she wants her friend back.
And
she does.
But
maybe first she really should figure out where the lines are between friend and
ex lover.
##
Seven
smiles at the announcement on her padd. Naomi Wildman was promoted and Tom and
B'Elanna are throwing a party at the beach.
The
invite says, "Families and plus ones welcome."
Her
hand hovers over the accept button. To help them plan the right amount of food
and beverages, the invitation app will ask her how many in her party and
normally she puts one but now...?
"I'll
be in engineering," she tells Raffi, and the look on her face must be dark
because she asks, "You okay?"
"Yes.
A confusing social engagement. You know how I relish trying to read between the
lines."
Raffi
nods. She's been gentler lately, reaching out to help, not running off the
bridge for more walkabouts the moment they are sitting next to each other.
"Go," she says in an easy way, waving her off.
She
rides the lift down, walks the corridors, wondering why saying she has a
plus-one now isn't easy.
Liam
is working with two ensigns—Alandra is one of them—and she smiles. He turns and
looks at her then points to his office with a questioning look.
"If
you're in the middle of something, I can come back, or you can come up when
you're done."
"These
two would probably love a break from me yammering on." He grins at them.
"Take thirty. Let those brains rest. Get some caffeine, walk around, read
your mail: whatever works for you. We'll resume where we left off."
They
both hurry off—Alandra shoots her a happy smile. She was excited to be assigned
here and Seven's glad.
Sidney
seems fine with her sister being on the ship.
Liam
is studying her expression as he waves her into his office and closes the door.
He leans against his desk, while she pretends to read the idea board.
"What's
up?"
"A
dear friend has been promoted. The Voyager crew will be gathering this
Sunday at Tom and B'Elanna's beach house to celebrate." She does not meet
his eyes.
"And
you don't know if you want to take me?"
She
nods and turns so she can meet his eyes. "They know I was in pain. The
main ones—the ones who matter the most to me. It might be too early.
Whiplash."
"For
them or for you?" He doesn't sound angry.
"Probably
for me." She takes a deep breath. "I don't entirely trust you not to
hurt me."
"I
think that's understandable." He moves closer to her, but not
unprofessionally close. "You spent a lot of time with them while Raffi and
I were together, right?"
"I
did. They were my...sanctuary. My support."
"Then
maybe I don't need to be part of that. Not yet, anyway. Maybe not ever."
His voice changes at that.
"Not
ever would mean I don't ever trust you. That will destroy us."
"I
think you're right."
"Everyone
had someone. I didn't. And that would have been all right if I hadn't also been
in love while being alone." She moves just a little closer. "If I
hadn't wanted you to be there so fucking badly." She meets his eyes and
they just gaze at each other for a long moment.
"I
can wait, Seven. Go enjoy yourself." He frowns "The no-chemistry guy
won't be there, will he?"
She
shrugs in a playful way that she sees he likes—is probably relieved at.
"Well,
then, that sort of changes things."
"Does
it? You'd fight for me?"
"Yep."
"He's
a hologram."
"Gonna
be hard to connect if he doesn't want a punch to land, but okay."
"He's
also not a fighter."
"Well,
neither am I." He grins at her. "Unless you count arguing with
you." He calls for privacy and the windows darken.
He
smooths her hair off her cheeks and kisses her gently. "I'll go if you
want me to or I'll stay here if you want me to. Your call."
"The
Liam I knew—the Liam I betrayed—he wouldn't hurt me. But I did betray you and
then I lost you and then I lost you again even though I'd brought you back. And
I'm not sure I can deal with one more loss."
He
wraps her in his arms, rocking slightly. "Then I think it's incumbent on
me to make sure that you are very, very secure with me."
"But
I still want to argue."
"I
think that's a given, hon'."
She
laughs. Then she pulls him down and kisses him far more viciously than she intends
to. She runs her finger over his lips when she pulls away. "I'm sorry. I
think I'm really mad."
"You're
human. Of course you're really mad."
"It's
really deep though. I push things that hurt me—my parents, Kathryn when I took
Chakotay from her, Icheb's death, my reassimilation—way down."
"We
all have baggage."
"But
I'm a really good packer. It's vacuum sealed and on the lowest shelf."
"Would
you be willing to meet with Agnes? Us together. Open up. See the damage we both
know about each other—only really feel it?"
"She's
created a monster. And yes. Maybe we can go to her. I'd like to see the
collective in action. The weekend after next? I'll call her, see if we can stay
over?"
He
nods. "In the meantime, go to your party and have a good time." He
kisses her quickly then restores the windows to normal privacy levels.
He
smiles at her guilelessly and she says, "I think I'll put your name down
as my plus one. If you want...?"
"I
want."
"Okay."
She glances out at engineering. No one seems to be watching them but after
years on the bridge, she knows how carefully people can observe without
appearing to. "I'll let you get back to it before I ruin your
reputation."
She
realizes Raffi might have been down here. The privacy might have been set on
for her too.
He
wisely does not mention that.
12:
He's
in his quarters, at his desk with Seven as he shows her the various ways he—and
B'Elanna and Geordi: everyone seems to want to be part of this even if from a
distance—plan to integrate the Jurati tech into the engines. He reaches for
another padd just as his terminal goes off.
He
sees it's his father and answers it, pulling Seven into the frame.
Carolyn
isn't on screen and he immediately feels bad. "Dad, I remember everything.
If Carolyn's there, have her come back and I'll make a total fool of myself
apologizing."
"You
were mean, Liam," sounds from off screen.
"He
was mean to me too if it's any consolation," Seven says and Carolyn peeks
around and says, "Oh, thank goodness you're with him. He really must be
back to normal."
"I
wasn't mean to you, Seven. I didn't know you." He knows he sounds pissed
because his father gives him a warning look, and his father is a master at how
not to annoy the fuck out of his woman.
"He
was a dick," Seven says, resolutely facing the screen, not him.
Carolyn
makes a face. "Well, I believe her, young man."
He
gets an enormous kick out of how he'll always be young man to her even when his
hair goes completely gray. "Yes, ma'am. I'm very, very sorry. In my
defense, I'd lost five years."
"Yes,
your father explained. But..." She takes a deep breath as she sits next to
his father. "Well, bygones as they say, right?"
Seven
raises an eyebrow and he gently elbows her. "Do not escalate this, darling."
She
laughs at the twist he's put on the endearment. He likes that laugh. It sounds
like the before times, when they argued and laughed and did everything except
what they probably should have, rules be damned.
"So
you're sure he's not a changeling, Seven?" Carolyn has called Seven by
that name even when he was calling her Hansen. Don't see why you need to
call her by a name she hates when we're in private, she'd said, and Seven
had given him a significant look of agreement.
"I'm
really not a changeling, Carolyn. Ask me anything.
"Who's
going to win the fifth at New Arlington?" his father asks with a grin.
"One
of the ones you didn't pick." It's an old joke between them.
"A
changeling might have overheard you two talking." Carolyn has always been
the tougher of them. "You once told me that you thought Seven had the most
beautiful...?"
"It
better not have been breasts," Seven mutters, then says a little louder.
"And eyes are so predictable."
"Soul."
He glares at her. "Like I don't have depths? Jeez."
Carolyn
grins. "I knew he was in love with you when he said that. Boys only talk
about souls when they're really gone."
"So
do I pass? Am I me?"
Carolyn
nods. "I'll forgive you. The you of five years ago had just lost your
momma. And I recognize how hard that would be on you."
"You're
a good woman, Carolyn." He frowns. "Did you guys need
something?"
"Just
to make sure my boy wasn't a goo-person." His father grins. "Seems
like you're not. Hope the fact that you're sitting that close means he's with
you, Captain Seven."
"I've
taken him on a trial basis."
"Excellent
thinking. Keep him on his toes." Carolyn waves to both of them and cuts
the connection.
"She's
so good at that," Shaw says with a grin. "Usually Dad just hems and
haws and can't find a decent way to say goodbye and hang up to save his
life." He turns and says, "Kiss me."
"Why?"
"Because
I said so. Jeez." He pouts until she moves in and kisses him, a nice,
long, extremely arousing kiss."
"She
said to keep you on your toes. I just did." She crawls on top of him,
straddling him, but not making any move to take off clothes, just kissing him, only
now its gentle, connective kisses. And he kisses her back and lets her set the
tempo, the mood.
He'd
be happy kissing her for hours. "I was forgetting so much more than just
being a captain. You. Them. The good things I've actually done. Not being a
dick when she came into his life was a big one. He was unsure how I'd feel
about him moving on."
"You're
a good guy at heart. It's why I fell for you. The prickly exterior, the gooey
inside, the oh so brilliant brain."
"And
my dashing good looks." He's laughing as he says it.
"They
certainly do not hurt."
He
knows he has to address something before it becomes a festering wound between
them. "I could have called you Seven."
She
lifts an eyebrow but remains silent.
"At
first, when I felt like you were shoved down my throat, I was going to be
damned if I'd call you by a Borg designation."
"But
later?"
"Later,
I was just being stubborn. And I didn't want to admit how big an asshole I was
being."
"I
knew what an asshole you were being. You have a mind like a steel trap. If
you'd wanted to call me Seven, you would never have made a mistake when the
situation called for actual rank and designation."
He
looks down and nods. "I was being a dick."
"Shocking."
She runs her fingers over his face, gentle but not loving exactly. "It's
things like that coupled with how vicious you were with telling me you hadn't
picked me that make me wary."
"You
were sending me to a Borg ship."
"Raffi
trusted me. You should have."
"I
would have. But I wasn't me then."
"When
I showed up here, I knew you weren't a huge fan of the Borg. Kathryn had told
me you were a survivor of Wolf 359—but nothing more. Just enough to make me
careful. But I thought...I thought you were the one captain who was giving me
an actual chance. And...you weren't."
"You
shouldn't have found out that way."
"I
didn't. I asked Kathryn right after I brought you back."
He
loves that she'll give him that. Not make him feel more of a schmuck
than he already does.
She
has tears in her eyes but she blinks them away. "But I already knew deep
down because I tried to resign before Tuvok showed me my review. I knew in my
gut that you didn't believe in me."
"But
that review—"
She
kisses him hard, shutting him up, then eases up, her hands in his hair.
"I'm still talking."
"Sorry.
Go on."
"And
then I saw your review. You did believe in me."
"I
did." He smooths back her hair. "I really, really did. That's why it
hurt so much when you..." He doesn't want to talk about the betrayal.
"We
need to be honest going forward. If I'd known how you felt about me—Liam, a
review isn't the first time I should know you considered me captain
material."
He
rubs his eyes. "I know. I was in love with you. I wasn't sure how you
felt. I knew I was being a dick about your name. I was trying to not make you
uncomfortable so I kneejerked the other way." He laughs softly. "I
guess honesty would have been nice. If not about how I felt—because that really
is a can of worms and what if it had been unwelcome—then about how I felt about
your potential. The amazing officer I knew you were."
"It
would have meant the world coming from you. Picard and Janeway are dear to me,
as you know, but they are..."
"Handfuls."
She
grins as she nods. "You're a cautious man. You understand how to motivate
people beyond 'World is in peril, onward into hell!'"
He
laughs at that, a bark of true amusement he couldn't call back if he wanted to.
"Yeah, that's not one of my catchphrases."
"I
want to be somewhere in the middle. I want to inspire a cook to take the
helm—"
"Still
can't believe you did that." He shakes his head in pure fucking admiration
at her chutzpah.
"But
I want to keep people safe too. Always look out for them. Never forget who's
making this big, beautiful ship work."
"I
think—I think you'll be that. I very much want to watch as you do."
She
kisses him tenderly then slips off him back to the chair, and he brings up the
schematics. Without missing a beat she studies it, then points to one of the
weirder things B'Elanna wants to try with the new tech. "What the hell is
this?"
Just
before launching into the overall premise of what they're doing with this, he
kisses her and says, "You really are the perfect woman."
##
Raffi
wakes to her terminal going off. It's Elnor and she grins at him. "Hey,
you."
"Hey,
you." His smile is as sweet as ever. "Our ship got called back
unexpectedly. I'm here if you want to get together."
"When
and where?"
"Uh,
now and wherever they do the best breakfasts."
She
laughs. "I just woke up. Give me ten to shower and get to Command. Where
are you?"
"Sitting
outside in real sunshine."
She
laughs. She knows his favorite spot. "I'll be there in a few."
Then
she realizes she isn't sure she can be. She comms Seven. "Raffi to
Seven."
"Hey,
Raff."
"Elnor's
in town. I know you'll be off tomorrow. Can I—"
"Go.
I've got things. Take the day."
"Thank
you."
"Tell
him hello from me."
"I
will." She cuts the connection, takes a quick shower, pulls on something
comfortable, and heads out.
She
finds him on the hill outside Command, sitting on a bench, his eyes closed, but
he says, "I heard you coming." Then he is up and hugging her tightly.
She
hugs him back with just as much gusto. "How are you?"
"I'm
good." He's already turning her toward the path to town.
"And
starving apparently."
"Yes."
She
laughs. How does she get all these growing boys in her life? She walks with her
arm around him, laughing as he tells her a funny story about his supervisor,
who he idolizes.
He
never seems to mind that she's so hands on, so...clingy.
She
lets him go when they reach her favorite diner, and the proprietor grins at her
as she leads them to a nice booth.
"How
are you, Raffi?" he asks once she's gone.
He
doesn't know about Liam. She never told him and now she finds it interesting
that she didn't. Did she know? Even then? That being with him was only a
temporary thing.
"I'm
good. New post seems awesome. Interesting crew. Seven..." She falters
there and mentally kicks herself.
"Seven
is Seven." He smiles at the server as he puts down coffee and takes their
order.
"What
does that mean? Have we ever talked about how you think of her?"
"How
I think of her...?"
"Okay,
I'm assuming you think of me as sort of a surrogate mom. Is that a stupid
assumption?"
"No.
You know it's not."
"Okay,
then what about Seven? Was she a mom too?"
"Seven
is my friend. But she's...distant. Kind of hard to know. But I like her.
Just...not for you."
"Wait,
what?"
"You
need someone who's head over heels crazy for you, Raffi. She's never going to
be that."
"Do
you think she might be that for someone else?"
"I'm
not exactly an expert in love." He grins at her.
"Answer
the question."
"Yeah.
But I think it would have to sneak up on her. Like someone she served with
maybe. Who she's sort of forced not to run out on."
She
laughs. This boy sees everything.
"Yeah.
She may have found exactly that."
"Then
I'm happy for her. She was always kind to me. What about you?"
She
thinks of Ohk. How cool she's playing it. How fun she is. How they spent a day
together shopping the boutiques in San Francisco, trying on clothes, buying
some of them.
It
was something Seven would never have been caught doing. She grabbed what she
needed if she was in a store and trusted it to fit—and it usually did—or she
replicated it. Raffi thinks her aversion to shopping is partly because she
views it as a waste of time and partly because of the Borg implants and how
people react to them.
The
Annika Hansen of that horrible alternate timeline probably loved shopping.
"There's
someone on the ship. In medical. Which is conveniently not my purview to
manage."
"I'd
like to meet...her?"
"Yes,
her. But it's new.
"I'd
like to meet her—when you're ready for me too."
"I'd
like that too, Elnor."
##
Seven
is tired of waiting for Liam so she walks down to his quarters and rings for
access.
"Come,"
he says.
She
finds him in a pair of shorts and no shirt. "You're missing half your
outfit."
"I
know." He sounds harried and she knows she's made him nervous about going
to B'Elanna and Tom's.
"It's
just a beach day."
"Mmm
hmmm." He's shifting hangars back and forth and she finally takes pity on
him and pushes him away, picks out a dark red t-shirt with some crazy logo that
he wears all the time, and says, "This is you. Also you look hot in
it."
"Thanks."
He slips it on. Toes on some flip flops and slips on a pair of sunglasses.
"Did you put on sunscreen."
"Yes."
She's wearing capri pants and a tank. Nothing fancy. That's really not her
style. She walks to the door. "Ready?"
"You
don't care if I have sunscreen on?"
"If
you asked me if I did but hadn't put it on yourself, you wouldn't be the smart
man I know."
"Good
call."
She
turns around and walks out, and he hurries to catch up with her. "Okay,
this is starting out well."
"We
were supposed to leave ten minutes ago. But you couldn't choose a shirt."
She settles her sunglasses on her head to keep her hair back until she needs
them.
He
stops. Her first inclination is to just keep going but she knows he won't come
if she does that.
So
she stops and turns to face him. "I'm nervous too. Can we please just
go?"
He
nods and they start walking again. She has pre-briefed him on who's going to be
there if he doesn't already know them. She's not in the mood to dick around
with the spacedock shuttles to the central transporter and just has the tech on
duty beam them to the La Jolla station.
She
can tell she's throwing him with her mood and reaches out so he can take her
hand if he wants to. He does, and then he swings it slightly and laughs as she
slips her sunglasses on while they walk to the flitter stop and ride it to the
stop nearest the beach house.
"I
love it out here. A friend of mine grew up here. We used to surf." He
pulls her closer, drops his arm around her.
She
lifts her face to him and he kisses her gently. "I promise to be nice to
you at this party."
"Don't
lie. You promise to be you. That's what I signed up for."
She
stops and strokes his face. "Yeah, that's probably more accurate."
She
hears footsteps coming up fast behind them and doesn't think, just puts herself
between him and the noise, pulling the knife out from her boot.
"Whoa,"
Kathryn says. "It's just us, Ranger Woman."
Chakotay
is laughing so hard he can barely walk. "A new side of you." He holds
out a hand to Liam. "Chakotay and you must be the infamous Shaw. Gotta be
nice to know she'll protect you."
Liam
is laughing too. "Ready, fire, aim Seven."
"Oh,
that's a good one," Kathryn says. She studies him then looks at Seven.
"Tell me everything's good and I'll make sure he's welcomed by one and
all. Tell me he's a shithead and this will be the longest day of his
life."
Chakotay
nods ominously.
"Everything's
fine."
"And
if it's not," Liam says, "we'll deal with it. Admiral."
"Someone's
got balls." She takes his arm. "I deeply respect that. The house is
just ahead. Let me introduce you around." And they're off leaving Seven
with Chakotay.
"Is
everything all right?"
"It's
getting there."
"You
never protected me like that." He's grinning in the sweet way he has, the
teasing that never hurts.
"In
my defense, I wasn't a ranger then. I would now."
"I
know." He holds the gate open for her to enter the compound and they hear
music and laughter.
Soon
she is surrounded by people she loves and new people attached to people she
loves. She meets Naomi's family and Harry's wife and even The Doctor is there.
With a very pretty woman by his side.
"Seven,
this is Riko, the other designer I was telling you about."
"It's
nice to meet you."
"Same.
What a beautiful place."
She's
pulled away, given a drink, handed food, finds her way to Liam and leans into
him so they won't be separated as they find a place to sit on the deck.
Some
of the kids grab surfboards and head out to the water and he puts down his food
and asks the entire group, "Are they all used to the ocean?"
Naomi
says, "Mine aren't."
And
then he's running and she's so used to following him she does it too, and he
yells, "Kids, hold up."
And
amazingly they do.
"Nice
boards," he says and B'Elanna's and Tom's grandkids beam. "Shaka, am
I right?" And he makes this weird hand signal and they do it back to them.
"Okay at the risk of being a buzzkill, I gotta know if you all know how to
spot a rip current."
They
all just stare at him.
"Because
you're running right for one." He shows them how the water is darker than
the surrounding water because it's unbroken, the waves seemingly disappearing
between two normal areas of water. He walks them down the beach and shows them
another area, this time with breakers but the water is really cloudy.
"That means the water is running out even though the waves are coming in.
It's grabbing the sand and taking it with it."
He
walks them to the water's edge and starts drawing on the wet sand, lots of
arrows and how to let the current carry them out instead of fighting it, how to
swim parallel to the shore until they can get back in, how it won't tow them
under, that panicking is the worst thing.
And
he makes it in language they can hear, with such good humored energy that she
can tell they are totally taking it on board.
Then
he walks them up and down the beach, making them point out any rip currents
until he's apparently satisfied they'll be okay and says, "Okay, go nuts.
Yell for us if you need help."
He
holds his hand up and every one of the kids gives him a high five and then
they're into the water. He doesn't turn away, just stands watching them, and
she moves next to him.
He
takes her hand without ever looking away from the kids.
"I
love you so much right now, Liam Shaw."
He
squeezes her hand, then lets it go to do a wolf whistle for a particularly long
run by one of the grandkids.
Tom
and B'Elanna call out from where the property meets the sand. "Is
everything all right?"
Liam
turns to them. "How long you owned this house?"
"Five
months."
"Ever
lived on the ocean before?"
"A
lake," Tom says as B'Elanna shakes her head.
"Yeah,
okay, we're going to have a discussion about rip currents." And then he's
taking them down to the water and doing diagrams in the sand and walking them
on his "spot a rip current" test.
Seven
stays on the dry sand, enjoying the warmth as it envelopes her feet, as she
feels arms sneak around her waist, a chin on her shoulder, and Naomi
whispering, "Oh my God, he's just yummy."
She
laughs. "Yes. Yes, he is."
13:
Shaw's
kicked back on a double lounger with Seven sharing it as they watch the sunset
from Tom and B'Elanna's deck. The party has dwindled down to just the bridge
crew and Tom hands him another beer then says, "Lightning round on
Shaw."
"Oh,
goody," Kathryn says rubbing her hands together.
He
rolls his eyes as Seven says, "I don't know what that is."
B'Elanna
rolls her eyes. "It's an Academy thing. A stupid one." She gives him
a look of support. "But it's been called."
"So
it shall be answered," he says, remembering the response.
"Why'd
you never call her Seven?" Kathryn asks.
"'Cause
I'm a dick."
No
one seems to have a counter to that except laugher.
"Why'd
you forget someone that amazing?" This from Harry.
"Because
he lost five years," Seven says. "Jeez, cut him some slack."
He
points to her and says, "What she said. Only you're not supposed to answer
for me but I greatly appreciate you being supportive."
"I
don't claim this game. I'll play it how I want."
He
pretends to be demonstrating a prize on a game show. "I give you Seven of
Nine and her overall approach to life."
Again
so much laughter, and he checks to make sure she's okay with that but she's
grinning in a silly way—because it's fucking true and they both know it.
"Favorite
place to vacation?" Chakotay says, lobbing him a softball and he grins at
him and says, "Anywhere Seven is."
"Ooh,
points for romance." Kathryn laughs.
"Which
of us are you most afraid of if you hurt her?" B'Elanna asks with a
seriously amused look.
"Uh,
her, to be honest."
Seven
laughs and he can feel her body vibrating against his as she hugs him.
"Damned straight."
"What
are your intentions toward our Seven?" the Doctor asks, and everyone goes
quiet.
"You
don't have to answer that," Seven says quickly.
"No,
I do. And it's simple: I want to make her happy."
There's
a mutual sigh of "Awww" from the group.
"For
how long?" Kathryn asks.
"For
as long as she lets me."
Kathryn
grins at him and mouths, "Good answer."
"How's
it going to be working for her—shoe's on the other foot?" Chakotay asks,
winking at Seven.
"Interesting."
He laughs when she makes a scoffing noise—he also knows she's rolling her eyes.
"What
one thing would you like to redo if you were granted that ability?" Tuvok
asks, with a raised eyebrow, carefully not saying anything too personnel
related while that's definitely what he's asking.
"I'd
make sure she knew her value to me as a fellow officer and a member of my
crew."
Tuvok
nods in an approving way.
He
thinks they don't know that he remembers all the ways this game can be played,
so he suddenly says, "Reversal. On Seven."
"What?"
Seven says, looking around.
"Now
you're in for it," Tom says laughing.
"Most
annoying habit of our captain here?" Shaw asks with a grin.
"Thinking
she knows everything when she doesn't." B'Elanna laughs as she says it.
"Refusing
to accept that I do often know the thing." Seven is laughing too and he doesn't
have the heart to tell her that technically she shouldn't be answering back.
Then
again she won't give a fuck so...
"Sweetest
moment you've ever seen with her?" Shaw really wants to know this and
hopes Chakotay doesn't volunteer something sexual.
Chakotay
winks at him in a way that tells him he's on the same wavelength and wisely
going to stay silent.
Kathryn
grins. "That's easy. Watching her with the kids. Naomi, Icheb, the ones
who elected to stay in the Delta Quadrant."
The
rest nod.
"I'm
sorry you didn't get to see Miral grow up," B'Elanna suddenly says even
though it's not really the game to comment on answers. "I'm sorry that
more of us didn't threaten to resign when they wouldn't let you in. That was
bullshit and if I could do the one thing over that Tuvok asked, I'd have fought
harder for you."
"You
were ex-Maquis, B'Elanna," Seven says. "You were on shaky ground
too."
"Nevertheless.
I feel like shit about it. We all lost touch with you. And we're not going to
let that happen again."
Shaw
meets Tom's eyes and they share a smile—this must have been what Tom was hoping
for when he called for the game. There are layers to this prankster and Shaw
loves that.
"Hey,"
he says to Seven as he realizes she's crying.
"I'm
sorry. I'm just..." She tries to get up but he holds her down—and she's
stronger than he is, so if she's letting him, she doesn't really want to run.
He
kisses her cheek and whispers in her ear, "Let them do their penance. And
it's okay to cry when they do."
She
moves so she can kiss him, a short but loving one. Then she turns and says,
"Thank you, B'Elanna. I guess I wish that too, but that time is gone, and
now is all we have. And we're here, and we're together, and this idiot's with
me." She laughs through her tears. "And...I'm happy. I'm really
fucking happy. But for God's sake no more of this game, okay?"
She
laughs a tiny bit hysterically as he pulls her to him, so he says, "Game
is over. Who seconds?"
"Seconded,"
Tom says with a surprised grin.
Did
he not expect him to be good at this game—and know all the rules? Him? Rules
and Regs Shaw?
Seven
cuddles into him, her arm over his middle and he wipes a tear off her face.
"It
feels good," Kathryn says softly. "Being together like this. I'm
happy too."
There
are echoes all around the deck, and he smiles at them all as Seven stares up at
the stars and blinks her eyes.
As
she's trying to gain control, he says, "I suppose now we move on to spin
the bottle?"
Napkins
are thrown at him and he laughs.
Tom
walks over to bring Seven some tissues and whispers in his ear. "Mood
lightened? Mission accomplished. You're an interesting man, Liam Shaw."
"Right
back at you."
"I
foresee many nights on this deck." Then he leans in closer. "Only
with Scotch. Good stuff."
"You're
on."
Seven
murmurs, "Are you two planning an affair?"
"Yes.
You and B'Elanna are on your own," Tom says to her with a laugh, then goes
back to sit next to his wife, who he is clearly crazy about even after all the
years they've been together.
That's
what Shaw wants for him and Seven. The long haul.
Forever.
##
Raffi
is in Ohk's quarters, sitting cross legged on her couch as Ohk tries dresses on
for a medical awards banquet.
She
has her hair down and her make-up smoky and looks so damn hot. "What
exactly are we judging these on because as far as I can tell you look amazing
in them all?"
"I
want to look award worthy."
"But
sexy or not sexy?"
"Slightly
sexy is fine. But I don't want that to be the overall message."
"I
like the bronze one. It hugs in all the right places but it's pretty demure
with the cleavage and slits. And it looks amazing with your eyes."
"Bronze
it is." She goes into her bathroom and changes back to everyday clothes,
carrying out the many dresses she's modeled. "Thank you."
"You're
welcome. Did you change in the bathroom because that's what you like to do or
because you didn't want to parade in front of me in your underwear?"
"Probably
a little of both," she says as she jams dresses into her closet in a way
Seven never would have. Then again Seven owned very few things so her closet
was a pretty wide open space. Raffi's pretty sure Ohk couldn't get the doors on
hers closed if she tried.
Ohk
sits next to her on the couch. "Are we at the changing in front of each
other stage?"
"Some
friends do that."
"Or
everyone does in those godawful communal dressing rooms."
"I
hate those."
"Same."
She moves closer to Raffi, but sitting sort of diagonally so it's an easy sort
of closeness. "I haven't even kissed you yet."
"Well
aware."
"Oh,
snippy reply. Is there a timetable I'm not staying in sync with?"
Raffi
laughs. "No, it's just...I haven't wanted to be the one to make the first
move." Which is sort of amazing because she usually jumps into
relationships way too fast: witness both Liam and Seven.
"Do
you want me to? I get mixed signals, I won't lie." She leans her elbow
against the top of the couch and settles her head against her hand.
"I
guess I have a question."
"You
can ask me anything."
"Maybe
it's more a statement. I'm afraid of getting involved with you and then having
you change like Liam did."
"I
have all my memories."
"But
what if you get more? What if you're joined."
"Ohhhh."
Understanding dawns and Raffi sees no discomfort—no defensiveness—just a
willingness to explain. "I've aged out of the candidate program. And I
wasn't a great candidate to begin with so even in an emergency, I wouldn't be
their first choice."
"Oh,
good."
"But
I guess there's a non-zero chance it could happen. Poor Ezri didn't expect to
be the next host to Dax. Are you willing to risk it?"
"I
can't really answer that with nothing to judge by...physically. I mean you're
so much fun to hang out with, but that could be as a friend and not more. So
really without you kissing me, I can't—"
Ohk
leans in, her lips soft on hers, her hand on her neck warm and rubbing in just
the right way. When Raffi opens her mouth, she doesn't hesitate, but her tongue
isn't too forceful or too sloppy: it's perfect. She finally pulls away and
Raffi says, "You're really good at that."
"I
really am." She laughs at her expression. "You also are really good
at that." She runs her hand down Raffi's cheek. "I'm in no rush, but
any time you're ready for more than just kissing, let me know."
"I'm
ready."
"Then
come on, lady." She stands and pulls her up, kissing her as they move to
the bed, slowly taking her clothes off, getting to know her body as Raffi does
the same. It's so calm—but not in a dull way, in the opposite of a frantic and
tortured way.
It's
nice and uncomplicated and then Ohk is doing things with her mouth and fingers
that are light years from uncomplicated and she's gone.
And
Ohk's grinning like crazy when she comes down. "I thought you might like
that."
"Were
your fingers like this?" She moves them into the position she thinks Ohk
had them in.
"More
like this." She adjust her fingers, which hurts a little, then kisses
them. "My turn?"
"Oh,
shit yes. But be patient, my fingers might cramp."
"I'm
hyper flexible in my joints—that's how I can do it."
"That
explains a lot." She kisses her way down Ohk's body, tries to do what she
did but has to stop because her fingers do, indeed, cramp. That's okay, she has
her own special moves and she does one on her and can tell it's taking her by
surprise since she probably expected a repeat of what she just did.
She's
not quiet when she comes, and she pulls Raffi up and kisses her and says,
"Holy shit. You'll have to show me that."
They
lie snuggled together, kissing gently and then less so as passion ramps up
again, their various special moves and positions sending the other into heaven.
There's
a lot of laughing. And it's not the almost bitter laugh that Seven has so
often, it's just amusement and affection and really everything Raffi's been
craving since Liam got his memories back.
Only
she might not have known she craved it if she hadn't been with him. Tortured
souls with dark pasts were more her speed before him.
It's
an interesting thought. That maybe he was a gateway to a healthier place, not a
romance that ended prematurely. Gateways are things you go through, not hang
out at.
Ohk
taps your forehead. "Big thoughts?"
"The
biggest." She smiles, and knows it's uncomplicated and lacking in the
neediness that used to drive Seven up the wall. "I really, really like
you."
"I
really, really like you too." She cuddles in and yawns. "You going to
stay the night?"
"Is
that all right?"
"It's
preferred but I don't want to presume."
"Do
you want to be my girlfriend?"
"Duh."
"Do
you want to be exclusive?"
"Yes."
Raffi
kisses her. "Then presume away."
##
Seven
holds Liam's hand as they walk back to the flitter stop with Kathryn and
Chakotay. Harry and his family are spending the week at the beach cabin and the
rest of the bridge crew already left.
Kathryn
winks at her then says, "What do you think, Chakotay? Did Liam pass?"
"If
he didn't, I don't know what you have to do to earn that distinction."
"Not
be a dick perhaps?"
"At
least not to our Seven."
Seven's
biting back laughter, wondering how long Liam will let this go on without
comment.
"Gosh,
I love when people talk about me like I'm not here."
That
long.
"Oh,
are you still here, Liam? Our mistake." Kathryn's voice is full of
mischief, the way it only gets when she's with someone she likes.
That
matters to her. That this woman likes the person she's with.
"So,
I'll do?"
"Yes,
Liam, you more than held your own. But it's why I sent Seven to you. Who else
was going to keep her both in line and enthused?"
He
puts his arm around her as he says, "Wait. There were others you could
have sent her to but you chose me? Mister By the Book?"
"Yes.
She was my gift to you."
"Not
unlike when the Greeks left that big ass horse for the Trojans." Seven
starts to laugh and holds onto him more tightly. "Surprise. Your gift is a
pain in the butt."
"No
shit." He pulls her closer and kisses her forehead. "Some fucking
gift, Admiral."
"I'd
say it worked out swimmingly."
"If
you leave out the part where Shaw died," Chakotay says with an apologetic
grin.
"I
am leaving that out. And that wasn't part of the gift. That came from the
Picard side of her family not the Janeway."
Shaw
laughs. "That's for fucking sure. I'd have probably gone to the Ryton
System if you'd asked me, Kathryn."
"Well,
I should hope so. I'm head of Fleet Operations."
"True,
but even if you weren't."
"Aww,
you do say some sweet things. Or are you just that afraid of me?"
"Little
of both?"
"Honest,
too," Chakotay says. "Seven, I like him."
"Thank
you."
"Oh,
he's all right I guess." Kathryn is laughing. "In a pinch he'll do.
I'm sure I could set you up with someone better though."
"She
may be right," Liam says to her.
"Fuck
that."
"Well,
he's certainly rubbed off on your language. Most unseemly."
"Oh,
like you can't drop an f-bomb when it suits your purposes, Kathryn." Seven
rolls her eyes at Liam and he chuckles.
There's
a huge group of drunk students at the flitter stop. They are rowdy—not in a
dangerous way, more an annoying one.
"I'm
too old for that kind of nonsense." Kathryn pulls out her communicator and
slaps it on her t-shirt. "Janeway to Rockwell."
"Rockwell
here, Admiral."
"Be
a love, Samuel, and beam Captains Seven and Shaw directly to the Enterprise
and Chakotay and me to East Waterfront."
"You've
got it, Admiral."
"Ah,
the perks of command." She grins at them as they are beamed away.
They
appear on their own transporter pad, the tech smiling at them. "Welcome
back, Sirs."
"Thank
you." As they exit the transporter room, Seven feels Liam easing his arm
off her shoulders and grabs him so he has to stay.
"Sending
a message this way, Sev."
"It's
a message I'm fine with sending. You did say you wanted to make me happy. This
makes me happy."
"Then
this is what we'll do."
"Today
was fun."
"It
was a lot of fun. Thank you for taking me. I know you didn't have to."
"Thank
you for going with me. I know you didn't have to also." She pulls him to
her and wraps her arms around his neck, kissing him slowly and as sensually as
she can.
"Holy
shit, woman. You can't just do that in the middle of the corridor and expect me
to be presentable for the walk to our quarters."
She
knows her smile is wicked. "Think unsexy thoughts, I guess, Captain
Shaw."
"With
you right next to me. Impossible."
She
really loves that answer. "Remember that pancake thing they made us eat on
Surefa? How bad it smelled and it tasted just the same but to not eat it would
have been an insult so we had to."
"Oh,
my God. That thing was..." He looks down. "A boner killer. Good job,
you."
She
laughs. "I thought it might work."
"Shared
memories—even of the heinous kind—are very useful."
His
smile is so sweet she wants to pull him back to her and kiss him, but she
doesn't want to have to think of something equally gross to turn him off again,
so she minds her manners until they are safely in her quarters.
14:
Shaw
sees Raffi in the mess and takes his tray over to the booth she's at.
"Expecting anyone?"
He
knows she's seeing Ohk now. Knows and approves. Is happy for both of the.
"Seven
gonna allow you to eat with me?"
"Seven
doesn't allow me to do anything." He puts his tray down and slides
in. "What's got you in a mood?"
"Thought
I was going to see my granddaughter in a few weeks but they've postponed the
trip back to Earth. Just feeling cranky about that I guess."
"Sorry."
She
nods.
"You're
a little hard to find. I looked on Monday and you weren't here at the normal
time, so Tuesday I came early and still no joy. Today I tried late and here you
are." Ohk normally works through lunch so he doesn't think it's because of
her.
"I
guess I was trying to avoid this—giving Seven another reason to feel bad or mad
or...something."
"Seven
won't care if I eat lunch with you."
She
just smiled at him like he was a big dumb fool.
"I'm
serious."
"I
know you are. It's adorable. So the Voyager crew—were they everything
they're cracked up to be?"
"Yeah,
it was fun. I guess you never...?"
"Well
being the Admiral's stalker..."
He
laughs before he can call it back. "Oh yeah. That." He thinks of how
Kathryn put it, that there was a Janeway and a Picard side of the family.
Raffi
is on the Picard side. Even without the stalking issue.
And
he would have thought he was a neutral in this but then Kathryn said she sent
him Seven—that she picked him out of other captains. So maybe he's part of the
Janeway side too now?
"I
had kind of an epiphany the other day," Raffi says softly.
"Epiphanies
are good. You want to tell me about it?"
"The
time I spent with you—maybe it was more than just a relationship that was
doomed from the start. Maybe it was there to help me make a change."
He's
intrigued. "What kind of change?"
"I
have a history of being drawn to tortured souls. People as dark and damaged as
I am. And in a way you without your memories fit that because of how you were
reacting to Seven. But the rest of you...you were..."
"Fun."
He sighs because he can remember how he was, how light he felt—when he wasn't
around Seven anyway. How fun life had been before he let them promote him out
of engineering.
"Very
fun. Very...light."
He
gives her the most gentle smile he can. "You think that's why you're with
Ohk? Because you can be now? You're choosing the road less traveled by?"
"I
do. I have no idea if it will last. If we're ultimately going to be compatible
or not. But I'm having fun and she's having fun and that's sort of a revelation
to me. A relationship doesn't have to be full of drama to make you feel
complete."
He
laughs softly. "I just want you to be happy, Raff. If it's with one of my
oldest friends, then win win for me."
"I'm
not sure how Seven will feel about us double dating."
He
frowns. "You guys are friends. Why wouldn't she?"
"Oh,
you mean because she has you now? She won so it's all fine?" Her tone
isn't mean, more curious. "The thing is..." She shakes her head.
"I think the thing is I need to talk to Seven about this part, not
you."
"So
I won't suggest double-dating?"
"Does
she even know I'm with Ohk?"
He
shrugs. Seven hasn't mentioned it but that doesn't mean she doesn't know. She might
think mentioning their mutual ex will only rain on their currently very nice
parade.
"Yeah,
that's what I thought."
##
Raffi
feels as if she's coming out of her skin sitting next to Seven without dealing
with the issue she wants to deal with, so she murmurs, "Can we talk?"
She doesn't need to add "in private" because there is no one else on
the bridge—everyone's in training or leave and even if they weren't, Seven
would probably assign them elsewhere since there are too many repairs and
refits going on to have people at their stations possibly mucking things up by
hitting the wrong button.
"Of
course."
"Someone
asked me recently if I knew where the line was between being your ex and being
your friend. They didn't think we were actually friends." She stands and
begins to pace. "I wanted to fight back, say we were. But...are we?"
"You're
in the seat next to me, Raff." She says it as if that's the end of the
story. First officer equals friend.
"Who
else were you going to pick? And I know you—you would want to pick your own
first officer."
"I
trust you."
"Because
you know me."
"Yes."
Seven looks impatient, the way she always did when Raffi wanted to talk about
the relationship.
"But
that's because we were lovers, not friends."
Seven
stands and walks over to the science station. She does that a lot, and Raffi
thinks the spot represents more than where T'Veen sat—and soon her sister will
sit. It's a place where she can indulge—or hopefully work through—her own
personal guilt.
She
turns and stares at Raffi, and the look isn't pleasant. "I'd have never
taken up with a person you loved. Never."
"Right,
because not screwing around with a current or former partner is what a friend
does."
"That's
right."
"But
I didn't even know about him. We barely talked once you got into Starfleet. If
I were your friend, shouldn't I have known about him? If I didn't know about
him, should you even be mad that I was with him?"
"So
I'm the bad guy no matter what?"
"Maybe
there isn't one. But here's the fact. You were with me and you could never stay
put. I'd begin to relax into us, begin to think what we had was deep and
actually included friendship, and then you'd be gone again."
Seven
looks away.
"How
do you think it felt to come on board this ship—missing you as much as I was?
Excited to see you again? And quickly realize you'd fallen for Shaw? The
asshole who wouldn't even use your name? I gave you everything in my power to
keep you happy and you fell for him. You would have died with him if I hadn't
stayed."
"I
know." She is looking down, holding onto the chair next to her with what
looks like a death grip because her fingers are turning white.
"We're
not friends, Seven. We're exes."
Seven
sits down heavily in the chair and stares at the main view screen.
Raffi
walks to her, crouches down and puts her hand on her knees. "I want to be
your friend. I really do. Let's start now. Admit the romance is over—and yeah,
you clearly already know that but I need to do it. Admit that there is a huge
gap between being strangers and being two ex lovers still willing to die for
each other, and I think we both would do that. And that gap is friendship. And
for the most part...we don't have it."
Seven
puts her hands over hers.
"I
took your man because I wasn't your friend, not because I was. The part of me
that is your friend is the small part that tried to make it hurt less for
you."
Seven
nods.
"Do
you want to be friends? Or do you just want to be colleagues? And I promise
I'll be the best colleague I can if that's all you want from me?"
She
can feel that Seven's hands are shaking on tops of hers.
"Raff,
before you, there were only one-night stands and people who were horrible. Bad
choices piled upon more of them. You were so good for me. You helped
me..."
She
stands and pulls Seven up with her, into a hug. "I was your gateway to a
healthier relationship. It might be easy to mistake that for friendship?"
"I
have other people I could ask to be my first officer. People on this ship even.
You're the only one I thought of. Because even if you were some kind of
gateway, you are my friend, but it's possible I don't really understand
what friendship is. No one could leave Voyager and most people held
their problems with someone else in because they knew it was going to circle
around that ship forever." She laughs softly. "Except B'Elanna, who
is like me. Thinks it, says it."
She
hugs Raffi tightly then pulls away. "How do two exes become friends then,
oh wise one?" There is a note of sarcasm in the title but it wouldn't be
Seven if there weren't.
"Take
all the good things between us and build on it. Have fun with each other.
And—God I can't believe I'm saying this—double date."
"You're
seeing someone? Shit, a friend would have known that."
She
resists the urge to make a sarcastic comment, just nods.
"Who?"
"Ohk."
"Oh.
Well at least we know our partners will get along."
"That's
not why I'm with her."
"I
know." Seven rolls her eyes. "Can we..."
"Wait
on the double dating? Oh hell yes. I am so not ready for that.
But...eventually?"
"Yeah.
Eventually it could be really fun."
##
Seven
sits at her desk, staring at Agnes's ship on the screen. It's in orbit around
Earth as Agnes and her engineers meet with Liam and his team—as well as
B'Elanna and Geordi—to go over plans for the tech being shared. They've had two
days of productive meetings.
But
the ship is also here so she and Liam can...share.
She
hears him shift in bed, then sit up. She makes no attempt to hide the screen
from him.
"Second
thoughts?"
She
turns to look at him. "I'm not sure how far I'll let you in. My default
has been to run."
He
pats the bed next to him and she goes to him, cuddling in. "Me asking for
us to go to Agnes to help us was sort of a Hail Mary thing. I thought you were
slipping away from me before we even had a chance."
"Because
I wasn't sure if I could trust you?"
He
nods and kisses her. "When swimming in cold water, there are two ways to
get in. Take a running leap or walk in. Walking in is harder, you have to get
used to the cold a little at a time, and you have all that time to rethink. But
leaping is dangerous—what's below? Are you really ready for how cold the water
might be?"
"Having
Agnes help us is leaping?"
He
nods. "I'm willing to walk in. After the party at Tom and B'Elanna's,
everything changed for me. I felt like we're...solid. Am I wrong for thinking
that?"
"No."
She smiles up at him. "I've spent a lot of time leaping off the dock. I'd
like, just once, to take my time. To enjoy the journey because as far as the
destination—I'm already there. I'm with you."
His
smile is so beautiful she has to kiss him.
"There's
another issue I see with doing it, with letting her unite us." She pulls
him down to her, on top of her, wrapping her arms around him. "That kind
of unity...you can get lost in it. And then to have to give it up. What's left
might not feel..."
"Enough?"
She
nods. "Also we might not want to leave."
"Yeah,
I thought of that. To hear the collective and you at the same time..." He
starts to laugh. "The Liam Shaw of five years ago wouldn't be worried he
might voluntarily become Borg." He kisses down her body. "Maybe when
we're much older, when the physical becomes harder to do, maybe then we let her
give us that?"
She
arches as he reaches the magic spot. "Yes. Much, much older."
He
knows exactly what she likes and he's giving it to her, no games like they
sometimes play, no making her wait for it until she thinks she'll go crazy,
just generous and loving and everything she's ever wanted.
As
she comes, he pushes into her, pulling her legs up around his waist, taking her
hard, and then harder when she urges him to.
He
doesn't look away, his smile a dangerous one, but his eyes gentle, and then
he's going and she catches him as he falls, holds him as he breathes hard into
her neck.
"I
love you so fucking much, Seven." He pulls away and kisses her tenderly.
"You're
mine."
"I
am."
"I
love you."
He
runs his hand along her cheek. "I know." He starts to grin.
"Yesterday, Agnes told me you would elect not to have her help us."
"She's
not psychic. I told her I was having doubts as to the necessity or potential
impacts of that kind of unity." She rolls her eyes.
"I
told her the same thing." He frowns. "Should we have told each other
first?"
"We
just did."
"Yeah,
but..."
"She's
like our confessor or therapist or something. It's not like we ran it by
everyone on the ship before we talked to each other."
"True."
"Still,
yeah. Maybe next time, we start with each other. Now that we know it's not
scary to trust."
He
eases off her and pulls her to cuddle against him. "Not scary at
all."
FIN