DISCLAIMER: The M*A*S*H characters are
the property of Twentieth Century Fox, and a bunch of others no doubt. The story
contents are the creation and property of Djinn and are copyright (c) 2006 by
Djinn. This story is Rated PG-13.
Flexible Truths
by Djinn
Margaret Houlihan learned to
falsify things in Korea—medical records, her own personal history, how she felt
about certain people in her life. Her mother doesn't understand her. Her father
doesn't either, but he's benefiting from it. His record will remain flawless. Well,
the divorce may have been a flaw, but there will be no notation that the thing
that's killing him is cirrhosis of the liver caused by too much drinking he
started after that not-so-fun divorce. The divorce he never would open up to
her about.
She wishes she could give up
on her father. Wishes that she wasn't still trying to please him. But she can't
give up.
"Margaret?" He's in
and out now. One moment lucid, the next somewhere else. She saw it enough times
in Korea to know that he's not going to be with her much longer.
"What, Daddy?"
"Where's your
mother?" Sometimes, he forgets about the divorce.
She doesn't remind him. "She's
coming, Daddy. Just a little while longer."
Her mother is on her way. Or
so she said. But it would be like her to be late for this. To come in once
Howitzer Al is dead and gone. Passive aggressive. Margaret learned terms like
that in the psych class she took for the hell of it. Her mother is passive aggressive.
Margaret has the opposite problem—she's aggressive aggressive.
Never knows when to stop.
"Baby girl?" Her
father must think she's back in grade school. Not that she minds—those were the
days when she didn't have to work so hard to please him. The days before she
didn't make lieutenant colonel right on schedule. Before she got out of the
Army altogether, breaking his heart, or so he said.
Seems to her, his heart broke
a long time before that. And that it shattered altogether right about the time
the booze started breaking down his liver. Back when she was still in Korea,
and he came to see her and then wouldn't spend any time with her.
"Baby girl?" he
says again.
"What, Daddy."
"I'm sorry I didn't make
your recital."
"It's okay." She
doesn't know which recital he means. He didn't make most of them.
"No, I wanted to hear
you sing. You have such a sweet voice, Margaret." He never shortens her
name. Never calls her Margie, or Meg, or Peggy. Always Margaret. Named after
his grandmother on his dad's side.
"Thanks, Daddy."
He smiles, and she knows he
isn't seeing her. Not the woman, but maybe the girl. Maybe he's back in
California, laughing and throwing her up over his head and catching her—always
catching her.
She was never afraid he'd
drop her. Not until she got older and he stopped reaching out for her at all.
His breathing sounds funny,
and she sits down, waiting, the way she waited with the GIs when they died. Sometimes
the doctors would sit with her. She liked it best when it was Hawkeye, but B.J.
was probably the most tender. Hawkeye always had an angry look—like it was his
fault the kid died. But B.J. would just pat her arm and say, "It's over,
Margaret." And then he'd get up and go check on the other patients before
turning in.
Hawkeye would check on them,
too. But then he'd usually come back to her when she was finished with the
final paperwork, and they'd go together to her tent. And they'd forget for a
while. Or try to.
"Margaret?" Her
father's staring at her, and his eyes are here, in the now, not in the past. He
knows which Margaret he's talking to. "You should be happy. I want you to
be happy." He frowns. "Why aren't you in love? Don't make the same
mistakes that I did, baby. Don't push the ones you love away." He reaches
for her hand, and she meets him more than halfway, not wanting him to waste
energy. "I want you to be happy, Margaret." He seems agitated,
vehement that she find the happiness that's eluded
both of them.
"I will be, Daddy."
"Promise me. Promise me
you'll try."
"I'll try."
He squeezes her hand. His
eyes close, he breathes out, and then he's gone.
She can't see him anymore,
because her eyes have filled with tears. And she doesn't want to let go, even
though his grip is loosening on hers and soon the warmth will leech from his
skin. She wants to hold onto him forever.
She knows she can't. She
forces herself to set his hand down on his chest, to let go of him. Busying
herself in the ritual she knows too well, she logs the time of death.
Cause of death: congestive
heart failure. She doesn't feel any guilt, hasn't since that Christmas when she
lied for the first time on a medical record so that a family would never know
they'd lost someone on the holiday. Hawkeye turned the clock ahead so they
could say the GI died on the 26th. It hurt a little to lie, but she's
discovered lying is like sex: if you do it right, it only hurts the first time.
The doctors will back her up,
because most of the doctors here are worse than Frank. They don't even read
what she takes the time to write down. It's one reason she hates it here. She's
only stayed because here is where her father was admitted. Because he needed
her. Now...now she's free.
She makes sure the doctor
signs the forms. It's Doctor Thanery, the ward
supervisor. He sweeps his signature across the line, doesn't look anywhere else
on the forms.
"I'm sorry for your
loss, Margaret."
"Thank you, sir." She
hands him an envelope.
"What's this?"
"My notice. I'll be gone
in two weeks." She doesn't care if she gets a reference from him. She
knows where she's going. And if that doesn't work, she has other options. Places
where people know her—people who love her even though they've seen her at her
very worst. That's what her life will be now, close to people who understand
her.
She's on her way out the door
when her mother bustles up, managing to look as if she tried to get there, but
circumstances just conspired against her—as if she cares deeply. "Oh,
honey, is it too late?"
"Yes, it is. Your
timing's impeccable as always, Mother." Margaret pushes past her.
"I want to do
something." She hurries after Margaret.
"Then go say goodbye to
your husband."
"My ex-husband,
Margaret. I know you don't like to think of us apart but..." Her mother
gets the sour look she wore through most of Margaret's teenage years. "I
mean, would you want to go see Donald?"
"It's not the same
thing, Mom."
"It never is when it's
me, is it? You never give me the benefit of the doubt." Her mother shakes
her head and walks into the hospital, leaving Margaret alone.
Margaret doesn't mind. Her
mother's been doing that to her for most of her life. It's almost comforting
that nothing has changed.
##
It was a long drive to
Crabapple Cove. She could have called Hawkeye from Portland. Or from Boston. Or
from Baltimore even, if she'd wanted to save herself a trip. But she was afraid
she'd lose her nerve.
So she just drove. And here she is. In the diner in the
middle of the picturesque little town. She goes to the pay phone, drops in a
coin, and dials a number she's known by heart for years.
"Hello." It's him.
"Hi." She's not
sure what she'll do if he doesn't know it's her, because her mouth has gone dry
and all the liquid has fled to her hands, which are sweating so badly she has
to wipe them on her skirt.
"Where are you?"
"I'm having
strawberry-rhubarb pie." She's so nervous she can only talk in riddles.
Fortunately, he's good at
them. "Don't go. I'll be right there."
"Hawk."
"Yeah?" He can put
so much into one word, but she imagines she put a lot into just his name.
"I'm not sure I should
have come."
"Oh, no, you should
have. Just...just wait there. I'll be right there." It sounds like he's
put the phone down, but then he says, "Wait. All right?"
"Yes. All right." She
hangs up because she has this image of him afraid to hang up for fear she might
flee. Why would she flee? She's never been here before. It's not as if she's
tried this, that they came together and didn't work.
The waitress looks up as
Margaret walks back to the counter.
"I'm going to move to a
booth, okay?"
"Sure, sweetheart. I'll
help you." The older woman gives lie to the story that New Englanders are
cold. "You want another place setting?"
"Yes, that would be
nice." Margaret smiles at her, but she can feel her mouth trembling.
"You okay, honey?"
"I don't know yet."
She sits in the booth and sips her coffee.
The woman bustles around,
setting down a placemat, putting down silverware and a cup and saucer. She
tucks a napkin under the fork. Then she looks toward the door and frowns a
little. "You waiting for a certain Pierce boy?"
"I am." Margaret
can tell her voice is nervous, that it's shaking a little.
"Well, he's arrived. Broke
a few traffic laws too, I think, to get here so fast." She looks back
toward the door. "Hawkeye, she's over here."
"Elsie, my love, coffee
and keep it coming." He sits down and seems to be drinking Margaret in
with his eyes.
"You want pie,
too?" Elsie asks him.
He ignores the question. "Elsie,
this is a very dear friend. Margaret, Elsie used to baby-sit for me." His
smile is the same. Luminous, mischievous, still full of that sense of "Can
you believe it?" he always managed to load into the expression.
Margaret smiles because she
can't not smile when he's looking at her that way.
Then she sees his hand. His
left hand, his ring finger. With a ring on it. A plain, gold band.
He sees what she's looking
at, and his smile dies a little.
Elsie seems to sense the
mood, says, "I'll get that coffee."
"You have kids?"
Margaret asks.
"No." He leans
back, his eyes never leaving hers. "It's not how you think."
"I think that's a
wedding ring."
"Well, okay, that part
is how you think. But..."
She pushes the pie away,
suddenly not hungry. "It's all right. It was silly of me to think you'd be
alone." She looks down.
"But you came up here
for me?"
She doesn't want to admit
that. Knows it will make her feel stupid. So she turns
the truth a bit. "I...I just wanted to catch up
with an old friend."
"Last I heard you were
in Baltimore. That's quite a drive just to catch up with an old friend."
"Well, it's you. I do
stupid things for you. I always have."
His smile is very gentle. "I
didn't think they were stupid." He leans forward. "My marriage is
ending."
She laughs and it's bitter sounding.
"Oh, Pierce. I heard that enough times from Frank."
"Well, the difference is
I'm not Frank. I don't have a long history of lying to you. Aggravating you,
yes. Lying...?" He sighs.
Elsie comes over with the
coffee, pouring him some.
"Elsie, I need you to
tell my friend something for me."
"What's that,
Hawkeye?"
"Tell her what state my
marriage is in."
She looks startled, as if she
can't imagine he wants her to talk about such a thing.
"It's all right,"
Margaret says. "I don't need to know."
"She does need to
know." Hawkeye isn't smiling anymore. He's in one of his rare very serious
moods.
It must be as rare to Elsie
as it always has been to Margaret, because she nods slowly. "Way I heard
it, you and Barbara are splitting up." She looks at Margaret. "I
can't say I mind. Barbara never really fit in here."
"Barbara's a stuck-up
prig who would make Charles look laid back." He sounds bitter. "She
hates Crabapple Cove, she doesn't like my dad, and she's really sick of
me."
"And she doesn't like my
pie," Elsie says, as if that should explain everything.
"It's delicious
pie," Margaret says. It's the right thing to say. Elsie pats her on the
hand and leaves them alone.
"Can you stay
awhile?"
"I can stay." Margaret
laughs—it sounds a little too close to hysterical for her taste. "I have
everything I care about in my car." She sold most of the stuff in her
dad's house. Held a big old garage sale and traded memories for cash.
"You're not going
back?"
"I quit my job. I
figured I'd stop here first. And then maybe I'd head to Missouri to see if
Colonel Potter knew of anyone needing a surgical nurse."
"Don't go to Missouri. We
need nurses here."
"I don't want to see
your wife at the hospital."
"You won't—or not for
long. She's leaving at the end of the month." His mouth twists a little,
the expression bitter. "She's accepted a job in Chicago."
"I'm sorry."
"It's home for her. If
I'd wanted to keep her, I'd have moved with her."
"But this is your
home."
"Yeah." He stares
down, into his coffee, as if the future—or maybe the past—lies in the black
brew.
Margaret looks away. "This
isn't the best time to be here. Maybe I should just leave you alone to figure
this out?"
"No." He takes her
hand and strokes her fingers gently. "No, it's exactly the right time for
you to be here. I need you."
She pulls her hand away. "Hawkeye,
I told myself after Frank that I wouldn't do this anymore. I wouldn't be a
mistress."
"You don't have to be. Just...be
my friend. Until she's gone and the divorce is final, and then you can be
whatever you want. Okay?"
She doesn't answer.
"Margaret? Okay?"
She meets his eyes. "My
father told me to be happy."
He waits.
"It was the last thing
he told me." She's crying, but she isn't sure if it's because she misses
her Dad or because this is not how she wanted her reunion with Hawkeye to go.
"I'm sorry,
Margaret." He's holding her hand, then he lets go and gets out of his
seat, walking to her side. "Move over."
She does it because, as much
as she likes to argue with him, she's also used to doing what he says. He puts
his arms around her and pulls her close, and she lets herself cry.
"When did he die?"
"About three weeks
ago." In two more days, it will be exactly three weeks ago. She pulls free,
smiling at him through her tears as she brushes them off her cheeks. "I
must look a mess." There will be makeup running down her face. She's never
a pretty crier.
"You look great to
me." He leans in and kisses her gently—in a way he rarely kissed her in
Korea. They were all about desperate passion back then, not this tender
touching. "I can't wait for you to meet my dad." There's no
uncertainty in his voice.
"I'd rather not meet him
as your new girlfriend while the old one's still married to you."
"He won't mind." From
the way he says it, she realizes he isn't lying. His father may welcome her
with open arms.
"How long have you and
she been unhappy?"
He laughs, and she remembers
the sound from Korea. It's his disparaging laugh—but not disparaging to her,
it's himself he's going to run roughshod over. "Too long." He leans
back, one arm still around her. "I kept trying to make her happy. I kept
giving up more and more."
"You?"
"I know. Me. Hawkeye—the
lothario of Korea." He waggles his eyebrows at her, but there's something
very sad in his expression. "I kept thinking if I just tried
harder..."
"I know. I thought that
with Donald, too." She relaxes against him; his once lean frame has grown
sturdier since he left Korea. "But sometimes it's not us. Sometimes it's
them."
It took her forever to figure
that out with her father. That she had to stop trying to please him. That it
wasn't about her, anymore. It was about some dark unhappiness deep inside him. It
colored everything. Made him push everyone away.
He hadn't wanted that for
her.
A pair of older folks walk
into the diner; Hawkeye waves at them. They look a little curious as to who his
new friend is, but they wave back and give her a big smile.
She smiles back and says
under her breath, "They really must not like your wife here."
"They really
don't." He sighs. "She never tried very hard. Kept saying it was
quaint here. Quaint translates in all sorts of ways, especially over
time."
He reaches over for his
coffee, and they sit in a companionable silence as he finishes her pie for her.
Elsie comes over, filling up both their cups. She's also brought Margaret some
ice cream in a small dish. Soft serve, with a little cone on top.
"Thanks." Margaret
digs in; the ice cream tastes wonderful. Pierce steals the cone.
"Well, since he ate all
your pie for you..." Elsie gives Margaret a sympathetic smile—probably
couldn't have missed the crying jag even if she wanted to.
Between bites of cone, Hawkeye
says, "Elsie, you know everything. Margaret's going to stay here. Does
Paul still have an apartment for rent?"
"I believe he does,
Hawkeye. You want me to call him?"
"I do, indeed." His
arm has tightened around Margaret, as if he's afraid she'll run in fear because
he's planning her life away. "Don't look so panicky, Margaret. It's just
an apartment. You need somewhere to live."
"It's real reasonable. I'll
call Paul." Elsie disappears into the kitchen.
"Paul's her son. One of
my best friends. You'll like him; he's a good landlord." He lets go of
her. "Unless you want to go to Missouri?" He sounds as if that's the
worst idea in the world.
"We never worked for
very long, Hawkeye. You and I. Together."
"Different
circumstances. And we're different people now, I think. I know a lot of my
illusions are gone about what life would be like when I got home."
"Yeah, mine too."
"Well, see. We're
perfect for each other."
Elsie comes bustling out of
the kitchen. "He'll meet you there in ten minutes. How's that for
service?"
He stands, pulls Margaret up
after him. Bussing Elsie on the cheek, he says, "You're the greatest, you
know that." He slips her a bill, doesn't wait for the change.
"Oh, you sweet talker,
you." She grins at Margaret. "Go on, honey. But watch out for this
one. He could charm the rattles off a snake."
Margaret laughs. It's
probably true. It probably should worry her. It probably should worry her that
it doesn't worry her even though it's true.
"I know that look. Quit
thinking, Margaret. Just walk." And he pulls her out of the diner and out
to the parking lot. "We'll take my car?"
"Mine's closer."
"I know, but you can't
drive off after you think better of this whole plan if you're in mine."
"When did you get to be
such a planner?" But he's not wrong. She could drive off and leave him. A
part of her wants to.
He's smart enough to know it,
to know her and how she thinks. And that's why she's not going to drive off and
leave him. That's why she'll stay for a while.
##
"I've got to say,
Margaret. I like the change in Hawkeye since you came to work here." Doctor
Robinson winks at her. He's been nice to her since she started, but there's
something not so nice in the wink.
"Thanks, I think."
"No, I mean it. Obviously,
you're just what the doctor ordered." His wink turns into a leer. One she
wants to slug off his face.
"Excuse me, Doctor, but
I need to make rounds."
"Would Pierce's office
be part of those rounds?" He moves closer. "And call me John. I'd
like us to be better friends. Much better friends."
Her smile is frozen on her
face as she pushes past him. She's too strong for him to stop, and she thanks
God for army training.
"Margaret?" Pierce
finds her in the break room, staring out at the window. "I thought you'd
come by and see me."
"They all know."
"They all know
what?"
"What I am to you."
He smiles. "You're my
friend." He moves a little closer, but not so close that it screams
"lover" to anyone watching.
Even though he is her lover. She
can't resist him now any better than she could in Korea. She tried, and he
tried, and they made it a whole five days before they fell into bed together.
The next day, Hawkeye brought
soap to her place. The kind he uses at home. She hadn't felt cheap until then.
As chief resident, he's been
careful to keep their work schedules together, to keep his wife's very separate.
She's leaving in a week, this woman Margaret has only
seen from afar. This woman Margaret hates if only because she has what Margaret
wants.
Margaret can't wait for the
woman to leave. But part of her keeps thinking that something will happen, and
she won't leave, and Margaret will be stuck in this role forever.
"Margaret?" Hawkeye
asks, a tender smile on his face. "Where'd you go?"
She shrugs. It's safer than
telling him the truth.
He moves closer. "Something
happened, didn't it?"
"Your buddy John wants
us to be better friends."
He frowns. "The three of
us?"
"No." She glares at
him. "He wants to be better friends with me."
"He said that?"
She nods.
"How dare he!" He's
outraged, the way he used to get in Korea, and she smiles. It's spontaneous,
this outrage. He isn't having to think about defending her, he's just doing it.
"It's okay. I didn't say
yes."
"Well, you better not
have." He studies her, anger still in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I'll talk
to him if you want."
"Don't. It doesn't
matter." She sighs. "You know, I think we got spoiled in Korea. Life
was so...free there."
"I know."
"I hope I'm not
interrupting?" A shrill voice. Angry, too.
Margaret turns and finds
herself facing a tall, very thin, elegant looking woman. Her dark brown hair is
perfectly coiffed, her makeup looks like it would be right at home on the pages
of Vogue, and her uniform is so white it glistens.
"So. You're the new girl."
She moves closer. "I'm Barbara. The wife." She looks bored. "I
usually don't bother introducing myself, but you've lasted longer than the
rest. I feel I should congratulate you on your staying power."
Margaret glances at Hawkeye,
trying to read his expression. He looks over at her, his eyes calm, and then he
shakes his head ever so slightly. It's his old sign from Korea. The one that
tells her a patient is terminal but doesn't know it. It's a sign he never gave
falsely.
She knows he could have
played around. She knows she could be the latest in a long string of women. She
also knows that this woman wants to strike out, and if Hawkeye's happy now
because Margaret is in his life, then getting Margaret to leave would be
Barbara's best revenge.
It's probably what Margaret
would have done, if their roles were reversed.
"Pierce and I go way
back. Not a lot you can say that will shock me." Margaret keeps her voice
calm and casual. As if they're talking about what kind of clam
they like best, not things that cut deep if you let them.
"Did he tell you I'm
leaving?" She says it as if it's just another one of Hawkeye's stories. Designed
to get the girl.
"Yes. Aren't you?"
The woman hesitates. As if
she wants to hurt them both, but can't bring herself to lie. Finally, she just
turns on her heel and walks out.
Margaret starts to follow
her, feels Hawkeye's hand on her arm, and turns to him. "No. I need
to."
He lets go of her, but the
expression on her face clearly says he doesn't think she needs to.
She hurries out, sees the
woman entering the stairwell. "Wait," she says as she opens the door
and stops on the landing.
Barbara turns. She's crying.
"You still love
him?"
She shrugs. "He doesn't
love me. I don't love our marriage. I don't know." She gives Margaret a
hateful glance, as if she's to blame for all of this, and turns away.
"I know how infuriating
he can be. But he's been through a lot."
"You know that why? Because
you shared his past? In Korea?" Barbara doesn't look at her as she talks. "You
think because you lived through hell that you're in some special club, don't
you? Well, there's a lot more of us who aren't in that damned club than who
are. And it's not our fault we didn't see men bleed and die. It's not our
faults we didn't suffer the way you did."
"No. It's not your
fault." Margaret walks the few steps that will put them on even ground,
that will let her see this woman who's holding up her life with Pierce. "But
we were there. And we did see and hear and smell things that you can't ever
imagine."
Barbara turns to her, and
Margaret takes a step back at the venom in the woman's expression. "Do you
want my forgiveness for being my husband's whore?"
She wants to walk away, she wants to slug Barbara and knock her down the
stairs. She wants to run out of the hospital, or back up the stairs and into
Pierce's arms. But she doesn't. She forces herself to stand still, staring
Barbara down. Then, very slowly and clearly, she says, "That's not what I
am. But I guess you might see it that way." She turns and walks back up
the stairs, putting as much army as she can into her walk, into her stance.
"He dreamed about you. Even
when we were first married." Barbara is staring up at her, angry tears in
her eyes.
"Then I guess we're
even. In Korea, he dreamed about having a woman like you." It's mostly
true. In Korea, Hawkeye may well have dreamed about having any woman—or every
woman. But it's a gift to her rival. The only one she can give.
It doesn't seem well
received. "You're still his whore. And everyone in this place knows
it." Barbara's lips tilt up, one side only, slowly and cruelly. As if she
knows exactly where to strike to make Margaret hurt.
Margaret keeps her face
still, giving Barbara the Major Houlihan look—the cold, stone-faced look that
scared even grown men. She lets the emptiness she's felt for so long fill her
eyes. She lets the woman see that she doesn't care what she goes through to get
to happiness. She'll do it. She's been through hell; she can do it again.
Barbara blinks quickly, then
turns and hurries away.
Margaret hears the door open
behind her. "You caught all that?" she asks Hawkeye.
"I was guarding the
door. And yes, I caught it."
She turns and looks up at
him.
He shakes his head. "There
were no other women."
"Okay."
"And you're not my
whore."
"A little shaky on that
one." She walks to him and takes his arm. "But hell, if they all know
about us, then why are we acting like we don't like each other?"
He lays his hand over hers. "I
more than like you. I love you."
He's never, ever told her
that. She wishes that love doesn't have to follow so closely on the heels of being
called a whore. But maybe she should just be happy. Maybe she should take what
she can get.
"I love you,
Margaret," he says again.
She closes her eyes and
wishes with all her heart that Korea hadn't turned them into the people they
are now. But it has, and they are who they are.
"I love you too,
Hawkeye." She squeezes his arm, and then leaves him to finish her rounds.
She passes Robinson and, as
he starts to say something, she gives him a taste of the major. He quails, and
turns away without anything sleazy crossing his lips.
It's a start.
##
"More meatloaf,
Daniel?" She smiles at him—he's already had seconds.
"Oh, goodness, Margaret.
I shouldn't." But he's holding out his plate, letting her give him the
thin slice she's already cut for him. "She's going to spoil me, son."
Hawkeye beams at her. He's
sitting on her side of the table, his hand high up on her inner thigh—somehow
managing to make his touch sweet and not sleazy.
They are eating at her place
while Barbara has the movers take her stuff away from the house. Margaret is
surprised they don't want to be there, to make sure the woman doesn't take
anything that doesn't belong to her. But knowing this town, everyone on the
crew is probably a friend of the Pierces. The movers may have a very long list
of what they can and cannot pack for the soon-to-be ex Mrs. Pierce.
"So, about the Lobster
Festival...I promised that we'd help out, son."
"Dad, really."
"It sounds like
fun," Margaret says, watching Pierce's face.
"Last time they made me
shuck oysters." He holds up his hand, points to several small scars near
his thumb. "These are surgeon's hands. I'm not endangering them again."
"Pierce, those are
nicks," Margaret says.
"You tell him, hon'. He
won't listen to me. Big baby." Daniel grins at her. It's the same smile
Hawkeye wears, only on Daniel it is less knowing, more innocent.
"Well, is there some
activity that won't injure our delicate surgeon?" she asks.
"Elsie can always use
help in the pie booth."
"Pie, I can deal
with." Hawkeye's rubbing her leg now, up and down in a way that should
make her uncomfortable, but it doesn't. It's almost possessive, which is so
unusual for him that she wants to revel in it while it lasts.
She smiles at him, and he
leans over and kisses her. It makes her a little uncomfortable, him doing that
in front of his father, so she gives Daniel an embarrassed smile.
"Son, how about you deal
with the dishes while our lovely cook and I take a walk?"
"Why do I have to clean
up? I didn't notice you helping her cook, either."
"Because you're not the
one whose bossy son told him it's better to walk off dinner than go to sleep in
a chair."
"Oh. Right. Well, ignore
him and help me do the dishes. That's good exercise, too."
"You'll be fine,
Hawkeye. Just yell if you get in over your head." Daniel winks at him and
then takes Margaret's arm. "Come on, dear heart."
They walk down to the water,
and he doesn't say anything until they get to the benches lining the walkway
along the beach.
"This must be an odd way
for you to live, Margaret. Waiting for another woman to clear out."
She can't meet his eyes.
"Honey, I'm not saying
that as a judgment. I mean it. It must be damned odd."
She looks at him—he has such
kind eyes. He reminds her of Colonel Potter. "It is."
"You know, when Hawkeye
came back from the war, I fully expected you to turn up with him."
"You did? Why?"
He laughs, probably at the
shock in her voice. "Do you have any idea how often he mentioned you? Man
was clearly smitten only he's too dumb to know it."
She smiles. She never wrote
home about Pierce. At least not after her father's visit to the camp. Pierce
was not one of his favorite people. In fact, Howitzer Al may well be spinning
in his grave at the fact she's with him. "We—I—we didn't want to say
goodbye."
"He led you a pretty
dance, didn't he? Got you mighty confused about what you mean to him."
"He and I—we
never..." Okay, so he's right. Hawkeye did confuse her back then. "I
was in love with him. I didn't think he was in love with me, so I let him
go."
"Well, now that has the
ring of honesty, Margaret. Good for you." He's grinning at her, any
censure in his words taken away by the twinkle in his eyes. "I think you
scared the hell out of him. I think he didn't like caring that much about
someone, so he ran for home."
She nods. Maybe that was it. Maybe
it was just the war, screwing with their heads and their hearts even when it
was ending.
"He took up with
Barbara, and I knew it was trouble. She never wanted to live here, but he told
her she'd love it. Even when it was clear she didn't love it,
he was so stubborn."
"You think he sabotaged
it?"
"I don't know. I know
she didn't want to share a house with me. He can afford his own place, but he
wouldn't do it, not even to make her happy."
"He thinks he gave up a
lot to make her happy."
"He did. He compromised
in the way he behaved, in what he liked to do. The hell of it was, he never
should have married her, because she was never the kind of woman who could
survive here."
"Maybe he thought she
was." Margaret waves to a group of fisherman
coming in from a day on the water. She usually buys fish from them on Saturday,
when the market is set up. They always save her something special.
"She wasn't a small-town
girl. You, I might casually note, are settling in just fine." He grins,
nodding over at the departing fisherman. "I see how many folks you know
already. She's been here nearly three years and doesn't know more than a
handful."
"I met her. She couldn't
have been more different than me." Margaret looks out to sea, knowing that
she'll never have the aquiline features or the slim, elegant bearing of the
woman who's leaving the Pierce men.
"And I consider that a
blessing, dear. Girl could freeze me with a glance. Made me feel like an
interloper in my own home. Hate to speak ill of anyone, but I am elated to see
her go." He sighs, as if he feels bad for what he's said. "I wish her
well, though. If that makes sense? When she was having a good day, she could be
a charmer. I think if she finds the right fellow and settles down somewhere big
and bustling, she'll be just fine."
Margaret smiles. "You're
a nice man, Daniel Pierce."
"And you're a nice
woman. And my boy is head-over-heels crazy for you. And don't you forget it,
all right? Things may get a little nuts with him. He
can be a fool at times. But you just keep loving him and he'll come
around."
"Sounds like good
advice."
"It is good advice. Maybe
I'll sit him down and have the same talk."
She laughs, and they sit arm
in arm as the sun goes down somewhere in the west, back toward Korea, where
this all started. The moon is just coming out when she hears footsteps she can
identify by sound. She's heard them in all conceivable weather, at all hours,
and she knows the cadence of his long legs.
"Dad, you're
monopolizing my woman. If he proposes to you, Margaret, you better not
accept." Hawkeye sits down on her other side, using his hips to push her
over, his arm going around her.
"Dishes done?" Daniel
winks at her, and she suppresses a laugh.
"Yes, Dad." He says
to her in a stage whisper, "Slave driver."
Daniel ignores him.
"I imagine the moving
van is all packed up," Hawkeye says, and there's something in his tone that
tells Margaret he's hurting a little over this.
And that makes her feel much
better about him. And about them. She settles her hand on his thigh, down low,
where it's not scandalous out in the open as they are.
"I imagine it is,"
Daniel says softly, then he looks over at Hawkeye. "Barbara was a nice
woman. She just wasn't meant to be your woman." Then he gets up and says,
"I think I'm going to take the car and go on home. You can find your way,
son? Tonight...tomorrow?"
Margaret can feel herself
blushing. Daniel is telling his son to stay the night?
"Yeah, Dad. I can find
my way home."
"Good thing Margaret
can, too, isn't it, son? She found her way back to you." He touches her on
the shoulder, then leaves them alone.
"I didn't want to do
this until Barbara was gone." Hawkeye is holding something and it gleams a
little under the moon and the soft lights along the pier. "It was my
mother's."
"You made Barbara give
it back?" She wants to shove the ring up his—
"I never gave it to her
in the first place."
"Oh." She looks
away so he can't see how angry she was getting.
"You think I'd give you
a used ring?" He thinks about it. "Well, it is used because my mom
wore it, but you think I'd give you 'her' ring? Margaret, you wound me." He's
teasing her, now that they are back on safer ground.
"Why didn't you give it
to Barbara?"
"Well, she made it
pretty clear she wanted modern, big, and very sparkly. But even if she hadn't,
I wouldn't have given her this."
"No?"
"No." He sighs. "I
think she was my anti-Korea. The first woman I met who I couldn't imagine in
olive drab no matter how much I tried. I think that's what made me want her. She
was so far from the hell we'd been through, and that was very attractive."
She nods. She does
understand, even if she didn't seek that out. But she was too busy with her
father, first trying to get him not to drink, then watching him dying because
of the drink.
"I don't always remember
my mother as well as I'd like. But I know she wouldn't have wanted Barbara to
have this ring. Just like I know she would want you to."
She doesn't move, doesn't
give him her hand, doesn't pull it away, either.
"I know the last few
weeks haven't been easy. But I love you." He looks up at the moon, and he
shakes his head. "Remember that last month, when the moon was out and so
full it looked swollen, and we would stand outside the mess tent together
watching it, not talking, not touching, but together?"
She nods.
"Ever since, when I see
the moon, I think of that. I think of you." He smiles, and it's the
sweetest smile he's ever given her. "And the moon is out a lot, so that
means I think about you an awful lot."
"When my dad was dying,
during his last days, when it got hard to sit there with him, I'd go outside,
and I'd stare up at the moon." Her voice breaks, and she tries to fight
the tears back, only it doesn't work. "And I'd think of you. And
everything would seem a little better."
He kisses her, soft fingertips
wiping the tears from her face. "Marry me." He doesn't phrase it as a
question.
And her answer isn't a reply
so much as the inevitable. "Yes." Yes, she'll marry him. Yes, she'll
love him. Because the truth, when she doesn't distort it or try to hide it, is she's
loved him for too long to walk away from him. Even if she wanted to.
He slides the ring onto her
finger, and it's a perfect fit.
She wishes she could think
that her father would be happy for her and Pierce, but she imagines he wouldn't
be. Although maybe that man at the end, the one who wanted her to be happy, was
open enough to understand that a man he detested was the only possible man for
his baby girl?
And even if he wouldn't be
happy for her, at least she followed his orders. She's found happiness, as
mixed up as it is. And she won't pull away from the people she loves. And the
people she loves—both new, like Daniel, and old, like Colonel Potter or B.J—will
be happy for her.
And that's all that matters.
"I love you," she
says to Hawkeye.
"I love you, too."
And then he leans into her,
kissing her. She puts her arms around him and kisses him back. It's not quite
as long a kiss as their last one in Korea, but it's just as good.
FIN