DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters
are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc and Viacom. The story contents are
the creation and property of Djinn and are copyright (c) 2024 by Djinn. This
story is Rated R.
Inconvenient Truths
by Djinn
1.
Seven
walked the short distance from the Starfleet Medical waiting room to Shaw's
room. She stopped at the door, peeking in through the small window and seeing
him asleep.
"I
wouldn't go in." Ohk, on loan like most of the CMOs were to Starfleet
Medical. "Captain Seven of Nine." Her grin was real; she
seemed genuinely happy for Seven.
"Thank
you. He's not okay?"
"He
is. But they're going to wake him up for tests in a bit and he's going to get
really cranky, if I know Liam. Go get some lunch and come back in an hour.
He'll be nicer. Not nice but nicer." She smiled gently.
"You're
coming back to the ship, right?" She had spots to fill but she didn't want
CMO to be one of them.
"You
want me to?"
"I
really, really do."
"Then
I'm coming back. Next crisis I want to be helm instead of comms." She
laughed in the easy way she always had with Seven. When Shaw had his ass
clenched the tightest, Ohk had talked her down from killing him more than once.
She
was walking to the cafeteria to grab something while she waited when her
combadge sounded: "Janeway to Seven."
"Seven
here."
"Can
you come up?"
"On
my way." She frowned, unsure what she might have done to deserve a trip to
the head of Fleet Ops. When she got to her office, Kathryn's executive
assistant waved her in.
"Sit."
Kathryn's smile was wide. "You hungry? I'm having lunch brought up."
"I
could eat. Unless I'm in trouble."
"I
want to talk about Shaw."
"Why?
Is he in trouble?"
"No,
but he's alive and I'm pretty sure that was because of nanoprobes but it's not
in any reports. Neither is his official death certificate."
"Well,
he's not dead so..."
Kathryn
rolled her eyes then a ping sounded and she looked at the screen. "Does a
BLT sound good?"
"Yeah,
fine. Ohk didn't put anything about his death or the nanoprobes in the reports.
Only a few people on the ship even know he was dead. And I trust them not to
say anything."
Kathryn
sighed.
"I
know it would be a problem if it got out I could bring
the dead back to life. You did an admirable job making it look like it only
worked for Talaxians after Voyager got home."
"Yes,
I did. And now you've gone and screwed that up. And for him?"
"He
didn't deserve to die."
"I'm
not saying he did. But once dead, did he deserve to be resurrected?"
"I
thought so. I still do." She might change her mind after she and Shaw
talked about it, but right now she felt that way.
"How
many people know?"
"Three:
Raffi, Ohk, and Nurse Tachigawa. That's it. Everyone else was told he was just
severely wounded."
The
sandwiches were wheeled in and Seven stopped talking
about this and walked to the window, taking in the lovely view. "Nice
office, Kathryn."
"Wait
till you see my next one." There was something in her voice that made
Seven turn.
She
waited until the server had left to ask, "Did they...?"
"They
did. You're looking at the next Command in Chief."
"Well,
they couldn't find better." She grinned at her as she walked to the table
and sat.
Then
she realized that there were three plates. "Oh, is someone..."
"He's
not joining us. He's just going to pick it up and go. So please don't get that
look you get when you two have to interact."
And
then she heard his footsteps. They were once important to her——he was once
important to her. Until he left her for the woman sitting next to her.
She
felt a sinking in her gut. Falling for him had been such a bad choice but not
one she'd been in control of. Although she wished she could go back and tell
her younger self not to do it the way Kathryn's older self had helped Kathryn.
In
that Kathryn's world, she and Chakotay had loved each other until she died.
They'd been married. It was hard to fathom from this vantage point.
He
walked in like he meant to eat there but saw her and immediately stopped.
"Hi."
"Hi."
"I
told her you were just picking up."
"And
as always I appreciate you making sure I eat. Seven, you're well?"
"I
am."
"Congratulations
on the promotion."
"Thank
you." She tried to say more but the words wouldn't come. She really had
nothing to say to him.
"Okay
then. I'm off." And he pretty much fled.
Kathryn
rolled her eyes. "It's been years. Can't you two find a way to form words
around each other?"
"We
did. There were almost a dozen exchanged. You're happy
with him?"
"Very."
"That's
good. Now we can move on. When do you take over?"
"Tomorrow
it'll be announced, and I'll be in place beginning of next week," Kathryn
said with a grin. "If you weren't already assigned
I'd have a spot here for you."
"You
should pick Shaw if you're needing someone political. He's smart that
way."
Kathryn
looked skeptical. "I know there's probably some transference going on what
with the whole bringing him back to life thing, but I am not having Liam Shaw
anywhere around me."
"Okay."
"You
have an opinion about that?"
"No.
Not really. I haven't even seen him since he died. I'm going down to talk to
him after lunch. I'm not sure it will be fun but I have to. He'll have
questions about if he's Borg now."
Kathryn
laughed. "That would show him."
"Don't.
He didn't ask for what happened to him at Wolf 359."
"And
neither did you ask to be assimilated. Or any of us who actually met the Borg
in the Delta Quadrant. Besides, he wasn't in the fight, he was in an escape
pod."
"In
a battle where eleven thousand people died. Nobody fought for long, Kathryn.
They died or they escaped."
"You're
awfully protective of someone who couldn't be bothered to call you by the name
you prefer."
"I'm
not being protective. I'm just trying to be fair. You're in mother hen
mode." She kept her voice even so Kathryn would quit trying to protect
her.
"Hell,
I am, aren't I? Well, forget I said anything then. Let's move on to something
different: are you and Raffi back together?"
"No.
Did you think that was why I wanted her as my first officer?"
She
nodded.
"I
want her because she'll be excellent at it."
"I
can't say anything today without engaging your protective mode. Now who's being
the mother hen?"
She
laughed and decided to concentrate on her sandwich and the potato chips that
Kathryn knew were her favorites.
Even
though she was arguing with Kathryn, it was really nice to finally feel safe
and at home.
##
Shaw
had just had the med techs all over him for the six hundredth time when Hansen
knocked on the door.
She
had her new pip on. She walked with confidence. She looked good.
He
shouldn't even be fucking seeing her, but she looked good. "Close the
door. I want to talk about what you did."
She
took a deep breath and did as he said. No argument? Shit, was he Borg as he'd
feared?
She
pulled a stool over and said, "You're not Borg."
"You
used nanoprobes."
"Yes,
but I did it before and the person didn't turn Borg."
"Was
he human?"
"No."
"Was
he even close to human?"
"Define
close."
"Fucking
A, Hansen. Do I have to worry that an assimilation tube is going to pop out of
my hand if I get pissed off in a meeting?"
She
laughed. "No. I'm telling you, it's fine. In a few days, there will be no
trace of them when they scan you. In fact if they
don't know to look for them now, they won't find them."
"You're
sure?" She sounded sure but he just wanted to make certain.
"I'm
sure."
"Then
I guess I owe you a thank you for bringing me back. Why did you?"
"Because
I could."
"Not
good enough, Hansen." He could tell the fact he was using the name she
hated was pissing her off some. But how long had it taken her to get her ass
down to see him? He'd been in here a while.
"Because
you were dead due to my actions. I owed you. Now we're even."
"I
don't owe you anything? We're square?"
"Yes.
Thank you, by the way, for the recommendation. I never expected to make
captain, let alone this fast."
"You're
welcome." He thought she wanted to say something else but then she looked
away and he didn't probe.
He
really just wanted her to go, now that she'd finally made an appearance. They
were good but they were finished. She could take his renamed ship and write her
name in the stars. And he would hopefully find a nice position here on Earth.
Or wherever. Just nothing involving a captain's chair.
He'd
done that job to the best of his abilities, but it wasn't where his heart was.
##
Seven
wandered through the madhouse that was Kathryn's party welcoming her to the
CINC position. There were her friends from the ship, other captains, former
captains during the Frontier Day invasion, and some people she assumed were
from Kathryn's past assignments or had to be invited because they were
important.
It
was late and the booze was flowing freely, there were a large number of shot
contests going on, and in the corner some rather high ranking
officers who'd clearly imbibed from the large pitchers of beer were sliding
head first on long tables doing something called Carrier Landings. She'd gotten
clear of them before they could make her try.
She
managed to avoid Chakotay and Shaw while still getting enough to eat and drink
and touching base with the people she thought she should as a new captain. Then
she was on her way to the exit, happy to go back up to the ship, when Kathryn
grabbed her and said in a very slurred voice, "Tell me you have
antitox."
"Why
don't you?"
"I
used it all to try to out drink Admiral Cain in a blood wine shot challenge.
And now I'm beyond drunk." She tripped but Seven
kept her upright as she dug out the antitox.
"Have
I told you how proud I am of you, Seven?"
"Yes,
Kathryn."
"Fuck
Liam Shaw. We showed him."
She
was working on getting the antitox out of the blister pack and stopped to look
at her. "Showed him?"
"For
thinking"——Kathryn punctuated each slurred word with a poke to her sternum——"that
just because I made him take you, you wouldn't excel once in place. You did
because I know my Seven of Nine." She began to crumple. "Antitox.
Now."
Seven
got it free and stuck it under Kathryn's tongue, then handed her the pack, all
the while trying to figure out if Kathryn had just really said what she thought
she said.
"Oh,
you're an angel."
"What
were you saying?"
"About
what?" She flinched. "Goddamn blood wine hangover. And I can't
remember if I won or lost the shot challenge. Have you had the stuff?"
"Yes.
My memory is fine after drinking it."
"Must
be the Borg bits. See, it is useful." She frowned. "Are you all right? You look funny."
No,
she was definitely not all right. But she smiled and said, "Yes."
"Have
I told you how proud I am of you?"
"Despite...everything?"
"Everything?"
"Being
on Shaw's ship?"
"He
was a genius for picking you." Kathryn put her hand gently against Seven's
cheek then left her alone with her words ringing in her head because Seven's
memory was also enhanced by the Borg bits. She remembered what she heard
usually word for word if it was a conversation she was
invested in.
And
that definitely had been. Even if Kathryn had forgotten it.
But
the other party was at this fucking party. She just had to find him.
##
Shaw
was getting another glass of wine when he saw Hansen stomping her way to him.
Jesus, she looked like she was out for blood. What now?
"Hey,
Hansen. You look pissed."
"I
need to talk to you in private."
"No."
"It's
important."
"No."
And
then he realized her eyes were starting to well up. What the ever
loving fuck? He said, "Fine, the patio."
They
went out, and it was way too cold to stay long, but hopefully whatever this was
wouldn't take long. "What's so fucking important?"
"Did
you have to take me?"
Shit.
Not the question he'd been expecting. "What braintrust told you
that?"
"Our
new CINC. Right before I gave her my antitox. Blood wine..."
He
was so taken by surprise he couldn't hide his reaction, couldn't give her a
smart answer fast enough. He watched her...crumple before his eyes.
But
she didn't cry. She just looked lost.
He
decided to try to manage her disappointment. "It's not the end of the
world. Or that unusual. People get direct assigned all the time."
"But
don't they know if they're being direct assigned? I didn't. I even interviewed
with you. I thought I was the best candidate."
"Yeah,
because I wanted that. For you." He realized his mistake as soon as he saw
the rage burning in her eyes.
"So you lied to me. All that time?"
"Was
it a lie? I mean...I just wanted to get us off on the right foot."
"Sure you did. That's why you insisted I go by Hansen."
"Okay,
got me there. Maybe I wanted to pretend I had some control over the situation
since our new CINC was telling me to take you and not tell you she told me to.
For what it's worth, you impressed me in the interview."
"So
much that you would only call me Hansen."
"Look,
I don't think we need to rehash this now. Who cares what I called you? You're
in charge and I'm out of your life. My ship is your ship. Let it go,
Captain." He could see he was not making it better. Why in the hell was
this his problem? He'd have fucking picked Hansen even if he hadn't been told
to. Wouldn't have been such a dick about her name either. But he thought the
reason she'd constantly challenged him was because she knew she was bulletproof.
He
kind of liked that instead it was just who she was.
"I
thought you believed in me."
"I
did."
"No,
you had no choice."
"The
two are not mutually exclusive."
"Do
not humor me."
"Fuck,
Hansen, you won, okay? You got the ship, you saved my life, you got your
girlfriend on as your fucking first officer. What do
you want me to say to make your feelings less hurt?"
"She's
not my girlfriend anymore. That's not why she's there."
News
to him. Although he'd watched their interactions during the Picard craziness
and they definitely had not had "forever" written all over them.
"Okay, fine."
"And
my feelings are none of your fucking business."
"Well,
in my defense, you totally just made them mine by pulling me out into this
really cold night."
"I
didn't choose the patio. You did."
"I
can't win with you. I'm going back in now." He turned to the door.
"What
else? Did you try to get me transferred off for challenging you? Did she tell
you no?"
This
was getting so fucking old. "Hansen, if I'd had a problem with you, I
would have told you. Like I did on the bridge after you chose Picard over
me."
Her
lips pressed together and she pushed past him, knocking him aside as she
hurried through the crowd and out the door.
"Whatever."
##
Seven
wandered the ship, trying to find a moment that felt real. That Kathryn hadn't
manufactured for her.
It
was days after the party, but it still felt like only a moment ago. She tried
to tell herself it didn't matter, that nothing was different, only it was.
She'd
thought he believed in her, thought she was finally going to be given the
chance Starfleet had denied her.
But...it
wasn't real.
Was
his promotion recommendation real? Had he been so emotional because he was
making it under duress, under orders. That review had been the one thing that
kept her from resigning, from heading out to the back of beyond and being a
ranger again.
And
it might not even have been real.
She
felt the loss of feeling safe like a rock in her stomach. It just hurt, and it
made her question everything, every interaction she'd ever had with him, how
she'd acted because she thought he believed in her and how he must have hated
that. She'd thought she was free to be herself with him the same way she'd been
in the interview, and he probably had thought she was just an asshole.
Only
when she hit engineering did it feel right, like she'd fit there——with him.
Everywhere else just felt tainted.
She
remembered how excited she'd been when she reported. How quickly he'd taken the
winds out of her sails by insisting she go by her human name.
It
had been a fight to get him to never call her Annika. At least she'd managed
that.
The
last person who'd called her that was Bjayzl.
She
went back up to the bridge, sat next to Raffi but couldn't settle. "I'll
be in my ready room."
She
hurried but Raffi followed her in, then walked to the table, to the shuttle
schedule displayed on it. Shit, she shouldn't have left that up.
"Planning
a trip, 'hon?"
"No.
Someone asked for route suggestions."
"To
the back of beyond?"
"Not
everyone gets to go to Risa."
Raffi
turned and studied her. "Are you feeling
okay?"
"Yes,
I'm fine."
"You're
not fine. You're moping."
"I'm
not moping. This is a lot. My ship, my crew, my...responsibility. It's a
lot." She went to her desk. "I have reports to write."
"You
know you can tell me anything, right?"
"Yes,
Raffi, I'm well aware of that."
Raffi
crossed her arms over her chest. "Then why aren't you?"
"I'm
just a little overwhelmed at the moment. Could you maybe back off?"
"Wow,
haven't heard that for a while." She didn't look hurt though.
More...vindicated. "You know what. I am going to back off because I have a
meeting at Command. Forms to fill out. The fun never stops."
"No.
The fun never fucking stops." She knew her voice sounded light years from
fun, didn't even try to pretend she was happy. This woman knew her too well but
she was not going to tell her what was wrong. She'd be full of positive things
and would try to make her see the bright side.
And
Seven didn't want to. Not when she felt like everything she understood was crumbling under her like
unstable ground.
"Do
you want anything from down there?"
"No.
I'm good." It was such a lie and she could tell Raffi knew that, so she
made her eyes as calm as she could. "Go. Those forms won't fill themselves
out."
"I'm
gone."
##
Janeway
was enjoying a day with minimal problems——for the CINC anyway——when her
assistant popped her head in the door.
"Please,
no. Just no, Celia. It's been such a good day."
"I'm
sorry, ma'am. It's Commander Musiker. From the Enterprise. She says it's
important."
She
sighed. Celia had been with her for only a few years and had no way of knowing
the history since all the charges against Musiker had been removed after she'd
been proven right about the goddamn Romulans——including the stalking charge. "No."
"She
said it was about Captain Seven of Nine. Said to say, and this is a direct
quote: 'We're about to have a runner.'"
"Shit.
Fine. Send her in."
A
moment later Musiker was at the door. "I know you know I mean this when I
say I'm so sorry to bother you."
"But
it's her?"
"But
it's her."
She
waved her in and said, "Close the door." She could do it herself from
her desk, but she liked to give her visitors the perceived power to control
their destiny——in this small way anyway. "A runner?"
"You
know I'm a good profiler. You also, I think, know that I once knew Seven in
more than a professional capacity. I'm intimately familiar with her tells——especially
since leaving me was sort of her speciality. No offense to her intended, I'm
just being clinical here. A good first officer."
Janeway
found herself relaxing under this analytical approach. Maybe if she'd done this
back when Musiker was first hounding her——given her a chance to explain——things
would have turned out very different. Mars might not have...
But
no, because this Musiker was sober and making a cogent argument, and that
Musiker had been clearly stoned, possibly drunk, and rambling. If mistakes were
made, they were made on both sides.
"Go
on," she said as gently as she could.
"She
was doing great. I mean not great—great because she wasn't unaffected by the
Borg attack, by losing her captain——and taking that on as her fault——and then
bringing him back to life. Do I need to know more about how she did that?"
"You
do not."
"Okay
but is he Borg? I mean I was there when Jurati——"
"No."
"Okay,
then." She settled back, seemed to relax a bit at how Janeway was dealing
with her. "My point is she was excited about being a captain. And she's
going to make such a good one. It was so nice to see her happy and settled. And
then she came back from your party and she was off. So down, so withdrawn,
so... It's like she's overthinking everything now. She doesn't trust her
instincts for anything. Something happened at your party but she won't tell me
what."
"She
was fine when I saw her. Gave me antitox after I'd forgotten it and been dared
into a blood wine shot contest. But now that you mention it, she was a little
quiet." Janeway closed her eyes. "All the captains were there——the
ones who survived."
"Including
Shaw?"
"Including
Shaw." She felt anger suffuse her. Was this his revenge for her making him
take Seven? Cripple her confidence before she even had a chance? If anyone
could do it... "Leave it to me. If it's him, you might just hear he's
disappeared."
Musiker
laughed, not a pleasant one either. Janeway was liking her more and more.
"And
if it's not him?"
"Who
else would it be?"
"Well,
not that I like the asshole, but there are a lot of people who are pissed off
at both Jack and Seven who might have been at that party. For nothing more than
being assimilated as children——being more Borg than the others who were
turned."
"Or
at conception in Crusher's case." She sighed about that one.
"Is
that why you're giving him to us with this wacky—ass job description? To
protect him?"
"Oh,
are we now the kind of pals who talk about why I make selection
decisions?"
Musiker
laughed, this time in true amusement. Janeway loved that she wasn't cowed——she'd
questioned Seven's wish to have this woman be her first officer, but now...now
she could see it. "Come on. I know you expunged the charges, but I was
right."
"Fine,
yes. So I expect you to counter her tendency to over
identify with him with some actual discipline."
"That
will not be a problem."
"Thank
you, Raffi, for caring for Seven this way. It takes a fine officer to know when
to ask for help for a superior——and a friend."
"I
don't want her to ever be a ranger——or worse——again."
"Nor
do I. Leave this to me."
After
Musiker left, she sat for a moment, then slapped her intercom. "Celia, get
Captain Shaw up here."
"From
your tone it's an off the books appointment?"
"Damn
straight. No excuses on his part will be tolerated."
"Yes,
ma'am."
A
little while later she heard a cough at her door. "You wanted to see
me?"
"Come
in, Shaw. Shut the door. Sit down."
"Well,
damn, Admiral. That's never a good start." But he did what she'd said and
chose one of the guest chairs without further comment.
"Do
you want to tell me what you said to Seven at my party? She's not all right and
you're the simplest reason——as a scientist, I'm a big fan of Occam and his
razor."
"What
I said to her? You're the one who can't keep your mouth shut——maybe
watch the blood wine intake, Admiral. How that's for a razor?"
She
knew she was staring at him like he had two heads.
"Shit,
you don't rem——" He sighed. "At your 'I'm the CINC now so the rest of
you can suck it' fest, you were a bit in your cups after that ridiculous shot
challenge."
"Sometimes
ridiculous challenges build teams. Did you or did you not have a chili cook off
when you first took command, and did you or did you not end up in sickbay with
third degree burns?"
"You
know about that?" He closed his eyes. "How many people know about
that?"
"It
was legendary. So don't lecture me about blood wine when you can't tell a
Carolina Reaper from a jalapeño."
"It
was in the chili. If someone had handed me one, I'd have said no."
"Whatever,
Shaw. You said it was what I said."
"You
told Seven you made me take her."
"I
didn't." A sick feeling in the pit of her stomach started. The one that
only came when she knew she'd really screwed up.
"Oh,
you did. She confronted me about it after she talked to you."
"You
confirmed it?"
"I
wasn't going to lie for you. And she was hurt. I tried to make it better. I
doubt I did though. She and I don't have the kind of..." He shook his
head. "You know, the thing is, you didn't need to make me take her. If
you'd just encouraged her to apply, I'd have interviewed her and I'd have
picked her. And then I'd have called her Seven like she wanted because I
wouldn't have been so fucking pissed off at you and her."
"Why
at her?"
"I
thought she knew. I thought that's where the swagger came from, the second
coming of Kirk thing."
"That's
not the Seven I knew."
"No,
it's the Ranger you abandoned to her fate."
"I
didn't abandon her. I threatened to resign."
He
scoffed. "An empty fucking gesture since she let you off the hook."
"How
do you know all this?"
"She
can't hold her tongue when she's in her cups either. I know about her son, too.
Do you?"
"Of
course, I do." But it had been a year and a half after Icheb's death that
she'd found out. She'd felt guilty about not fighting harder for Seven and
still a bit hurt over Chakotay taking up with her, and it was just easier to
not ask about her.
"Do
you know all of it, though?" His eyes were steely.
"What
do you mean? He was killed by that woman."
"So
that's a no." He got up and started to pace. "What's so wrong with
her that you thought you needed to take it out on me?"
"She
may be about to bolt."
He
turned to her, a confused look on his face. "Why? She has the ship. She'll
be great at being a captain."
"So you said in your review." A very sloppy review——so
full of emotion. "Were you drinking when you made it?"
"No.
I don't drink when I do officer reviews."
"It
was a very emotional review."
"Yeah,
well, sometimes I have a human emotion."
She
studied him. Thought of how he'd looked in the review as he'd spoken of Seven.
How protective he was being now. Captains and first officers could get very
close without realizing it. Especially if they were as incendiary as these two
had been.
"If
she knows you had to take her, she might think the review was also something
you had to do."
"She
thinks I don't believe in her?" Again the
softness peeking through.
She
leaned back. "Did you know she threatened to resign before hearing what
would be the result of her helping Picard?"
He
laughed. "Of course she did. What stopped
her?"
"Watching
your review."
"Wait,
you showed it to her? I thought she just got the transcript." He was
turning red. So he did understand how transparently
emotional he'd been.
"Captain
Tuvok showed it to her. After she threatened to resign and before he told her
she was being promoted. She was ready to bolt then, too. He told me seeing
it...touched her greatly. Settled her down." She relaxed a little.
"Please go up to the ship. I think she needs her captain one more
time."
"And
then I'll be free of her?"
She
made the hand gesture that always seemed to convey an answer in the affirmative
without actually saying——or meaning——it.
"Fine.
Just this one time."
She
waited until he was gone and texted Musiker: Not him. He's on his way up to
help.
And
then she tried to go back to having a nice day but it was ruined. She commed
Chakotay and he answered at once, his face concerned on the terminal because
she never bothered him during the day unless she needed her first
officer. "What is it?"
"I
fucked up so bad. With Seven."
"On
purpose?"
"No.
But..."
"Work
it out."
"I
don't think I can. But I sent her Shaw."
He
gave the the look she'd only gotten a few times from him. Like something she'd
said was truly unintelligible. Usually that was only before she'd had her
coffee. "You sent her Liam Shaw? Not some Shaw who's a nice person?"
"Trust
me. He will help in this case." She hoped. He wasn't known for his charm.
But
Seven also hadn't left him. She'd been so happy on
that ship despite her valid complaints about the name Shaw insisted on calling
her. But Janeway had known why he was doing it and hadn't wanted to intervene——had
just told Seven to deal with it. To let him get to know her until he called her
Seven on his own.
She
smiled at Chakotay and traced his face on the screen. "I've got a meeting
in a few minutes. Thank you for the ear."
"Do
you want me to go talk to her?"
"Chakotay,
she runs the other way when you go near her."
"It
wasn't the best break—up."
She
gave him the look of "Yeah, shocking" that she'd been doing since he
took up with Seven.
And
abandoned her. At least they'd patched things up and he was her warrior again. She
couldn't fix things with Seven and him——or at least not right now.
One
crisis at a time.
##
Shaw
headed to the transporter room and told the tech to beam him directly to the Enterprise.
He was not in the mood to take the spacedock shuttle. And he wanted to catch
Hansen by surprise.
She
was not on the bridge but Musiker was, and she looked way too glad to see him.
Fucking
A, what was he stepping into if this one was happy he
was here?
She
just pointed to the ready room and he nodded and hurried up the stairs, his
feet taking them the way he always used to, and he could tell Hansen heard him
coming, knew it was him from the pattern.
She
leaned back in her chair, crossed her arms over her chest, and lifted an
eyebrow at him. Her general air was that he'd brought a stink into the room.
Felt like old times, if he was honest.
He
slapped the control button and the doors closed behind him.
"What?"
she asked, her tone cold——but a little lost.
He
wasn't sure he'd have noticed it though if he hadn't been briefed. Their
relationship wasn't what you'd call close. "So
what's up, Captain Seven of Nine?"
"Just
call me Hansen."
"Wow,
that's a change of tune. All this time bitching at me about your name and
now...?" He pulled a chair over from the conference table, sat, and put
his legs up on his side of the desk. "So, what's wrong?"
"Nothing
is wrong."
"Yeah,
well, your buddy Janeway doesn't send out the bat signal if nothing's
wrong." He frowned. "Only it wouldn't be a bat for me. What animal
would the Shaw signal be?"
"A
rattlesnake." She said it with zero hesitation.
He'd
always enjoyed how quick she was in her smart—ass replies. How easily she kept
up with him. "Fuck me, Hansen. Seriously? I get the bite part but the
rattle?"
"Your
sarcasm is your rattle."
"That's
fair." He settled in, just looking at her, in a way guaranteed to make her
uncomfortable since she hated when he got quiet and studied her.
But
she didn't react. She just met his eyes, her own lacking the fire he was used
to in them.
This
approach was not working. He slipped his legs off the desk and scooched the
chair in and leaned toward her. "Come on. Tell your former captain what's
eating you. I can tell something is and if I can tell then it must be
obvi..."
"Don't
give me that socially awkward bullshit you try on others. You read a room as
well as Kathryn does." She stood and walked away from him, standing with
her back to him at the view screen. "You used to read me really well too.
But not now?"
"I
still can. You're getting ready to run. Why?" He knew it was probably some
ranger trick to make him think she believed he couldn't read her, but he played
along because he wanted to get this conversation started so it would be over
before he fucking retired.
"Of
course. Raffi saw what was on my table. Raffi told Janeway." She didn't
sound surprised.
"Don't
know who told her. Just know you're not okay..."
"I
was okay. I thought I had finally found someplace I belonged."
With
a sigh, he got up and went to stand next to her at the view screen, watching as
the service shuttles zipped around the spacedock. "I think you did. Our
relationship notwithstanding."
"A
relationship that wasn't what I thought." She turned, leaning against the
view screen frame as she studied him. "I thought you were giving me a real
chance. But you had to take me and you had to write that evaluation."
It
probably shouldn't surprise him that Janeway was right, that this came down to
the eval, but it did. His words really meant that much to Hansen? "I
didn't have to do anything."
"You
had to take me."
"I
could have said no. I would still be paying for it, but I could have said
no."
"Okay,
but I'm supposed to believe you thought I should be a captain?"
"I
said it. I also said it when I was telling you how to recognize changelings,
but you didn't realize I wasn't lying to you."
She
gave a bitter laugh that was barely a puff of air. "You did, didn't
you?"
"I
did."
"What
do you consider sacred? To swear by?"
"My
momma and deep dish."
She
laughed and he found himself surprisingly relieved that he could still make her
do that. "You swear on those two things you weren't forced to recommend
me?"
"I
swear."
"Here's
a harder question. You did that evaluation before the mission with Picard.
Would you still recommend me?"
"Unreservedly."
He
got the eyebrow again, but it wasn't of disdain, more surprise. He could tell
he'd thrown her a little with the answer. "Hansen, like I said, I told you
when we were talking about the fucking changelings if you'd only realized it.
That was after you betrayed me. I was still saying it, ergo..."
She
swallowed hard. "I don't know what's real."
He
could tell she was serious. "Okay, here's what's real. This ship is real
and I know you know that because you worked on it enough with me. Those were
our best times."
"Agreed."
"Your
crew is real. The bridge crew loves you——that's real too. Crusher, God help
you, is real and from what I've heard your new special counselor——whatever the
fuck that is. Your ex——and also I think very good friend——is real and a first
officer you can trust."
"Did
you trust me?"
"I
did."
"Do
you still?"
He
nodded.
"You
have to say that. I brought you back to life."
"You
did but I could still be a dick about it. And that's something else that's
real. I'm real. A real asshole, but I'm real and I'm not here to give you some
forced pep talk. I recommended you and yeah, it's worked out swell for you, but
it also looks really good for me that I finally found someone that not only
didn't leave the first officer post short of tour but actually got promoted to
take my place. Way to help me subvert expectations."
She
laughed again.
"If
you run, I look like the villain again."
"You
are the villain."
"No,
Seven, I'm not."
When
she looked at him in surprise, he held up his hands and said, "It's time.
No more Hansen, not that I think we're going to see each other all that
much."
"Unless
I run."
"Oh,
I'm not fucking chasing you. You leave this beauty of a ship——even with the stupid
new name——and this amazing crew, and you're on your own."
"But
you came this time. Why?"
"The
CINC told me to."
She
shook her head, a small smile threatening. "Why?"
"Because
Starfleet needs you. And this ship and crew need you." He gave her his
gentlest smile. "And you need them. It's a mutual neediness society."
She
laughed again and said, "Damn it. I hate that you can do that."
"Sarcastic
humor is my superpower."
"That
it is."
"Can
I go now? The bridge gang is going to think I'm being comforting or some such
nonsense if we stay in here with the door closed much longer."
She
nodded.
"You're
going to be okay? And stay put?"
She
nodded again.
"Good."
As he turned, he heard her say, "You taught me a lot, Shaw. I know I
didn't act like it, but you did."
"Same
here only I will never admit that to anyone. See you around, Captain
Seven."
2.
Janeway
heard familiar footsteps and looked up, smiling as Chakotay walked in and came
around her desk, his hands settling unerringly on the parts of her shoulders
that were so knotted up. "Mmmmm."
"I
can never sneak up on you. You know my footsteps."
"Fortunately.
The changeling lacked your cadence. Also your
touch." Which was how she got away after shooting it with the phaser she
had hidden under her desk——the real Chakotay wouldn't have been so shocked as
he fell since he was the one who'd told her to have one set on hard stun just
in case when she took the job. "I'm about to send Celia the invite list
for the wine tasting. Any additions?"
He
looked it over and started laughing. "I'll be glad to see Seven——maybe
start on rebuilding a friendship. But do I want to know why you're inviting
Shaw to the wine tasting?"
"He
loves wine."
"He
loves Malbec. According to Picard."
"What
else does he say about him? Did he notice anything with him and Seven?"
"You're
seriously asking if Picard logged interpersonal shit?"
She
laughed. "You're so right." She pulled him around so she could look
at him without straining her neck. "Do you think they've had time to miss
each other yet? It's been a few months."
"Kathryn.
You keep saying you don't hate her but then you throw her to Shaw. Again?
Really?" He went to erase Shaw's name from the guest list but she stopped
him.
"He
got a look when he talked about her. Very protective for someone who ostensibly
can't stand his former exec. She was lost when she thought he didn't believe in
her."
"She
also imprints on her captains. It's the Borg in her."
"True.
But I know what I'm seeing." She smiled at him, only one side of her mouth
going up and he just shook his head and sighed. Then she hit send; Celia would
send out the invites in the morning. "I do so enjoy being CINC."
"Too
much. Far, far too much." He laughed as she hit the button on her desk
that closed the door and pulled him down to kiss her. "I actually enjoy
you being it too."
"Somehow
I thought you might."
##
The
selections were amazing but Shaw had no fucking clue why
he'd been invited to the CINC's wine tasting. He'd assumed it might be all the
captains of the ships who went through the Borg thing the same way the
"I'm the CINC now" party had been, but it wasn't——also it was months
since Frontier Day.
He
tried to avoid looking through the window at the wavy blonde hair that shone
under the lights of the patio. Seven seemed no more at home here than he did.
Less in fact, since she'd been on the patio for a while.
He
walked out to her, and she didn't turn around, just murmured, "Shaw?"
"My
reputation preceded me so far into the room?" He laughed at that line he'd
used on Picard. He'd practiced so many of them before settling on that.
"No,
I know your cologne."
"Could
be someone else wearing it."
"You
have it made for you. Because you're weird like that."
"True."
He sighed. "Is it too strong, if you can smell it from there?"
"No,
it's a Borg thing."
"But
if it's a Borg thing then you don't know if it's too strong." Shit had he
been wearing too much this whole time?
"It's
fine. Trust me. I'd have heard comments about you being too fragrant."
That
was true. Okay, he'd quit worrying. "You do understand that during a wine
tasting, you actually walk from table to table and, well, taste the wine,
right? Standing out here waiting for a waiter or whatever it is you're doing
will get you nowhere."
She
glared at him. "I don't even know why I'm here."
"Yeah,
well, join the club. Come on. There's some Shiraz I want to try."
"You
want me to hang out with you? Tasting wine?"
"I'm
sorry. Did you have someone else to hang out with?" He sipped the little
bit of wine remaining in the glass he'd been given to carry around and waited
for some smart ass reply.
But
she only said, "Fine," and led him off in the wrong direction but he
decided the Shiraz could wait since she was going to the Malbec table.
"I
do drink other kinds of wine than this. Just not Chateau Picard, which I might
note is not represented at this shindig."
She
laughed softly. "Let it go."
"I've
let it go. But the wine still sucks." He checked out the offerings at the
table, found a Malbec he'd never tried and asked for that.
She
held her glass out too. When he shot her a look, she said, "It's been a
long week and I don't feel like thinking. You're the Malbec expert so I'll go
with what you think is good."
He
walked them away from the table so other people could get in and said,
"The whole idea is to try things you haven't before. This could be
swill."
"I
don't care." She waited for him to try it first though, and he laughed and
said, "Sure you don't."
He
went in for a taste. Not great but not bad. "It's safe."
She
downed the ounce in one swallow.
"Pace
yourself."
"Why?
I'm going to leave as soon as Kathryn won't notice me going."
"But
then what will I do?"
She
made a face at him. "I could answer that but..."
He
laughed. "Come on. Shiraz next."
She
followed him to that table and he saw Janeway and Chakotay walking toward them.
"Company," he said without thinking, the way they used to communicate
on a mission. "Three, no four o'clock."
"They're
at five."
"Only
because they're walking fast." He turned. "Admiral and Captain. Such
a lovely event. I'm thrilled to beans to be here but super unsure how I
rated."
"What
he said."
Chakotay
laughed. "Wow, you two served together too long."
"You're
not wrong," they both said at once, and Shaw thought Janeway looked really
happy that they did.
"You
rate because it's good for you both to get to know people. Liam"——Janeway
actually took his arm like they were going to go for a stroll or something——"you
can meet new people now that you're back and Seven, you can do it before you
go."
He
checked Seven's expression. She wasn't buying it either. He gave her the
minuscule head shake they used to use with each other, to tell her not to
comment. He did look down at where Janeway had her hand on his arm and said,
"Unless you're planning on me courting you, this is weird."
"I'd
have a problem with that, Kathryn," Chakotay said. "For the
record."
"Duly
noted, darling." She let Shaw go and gave Seven a hug. "How are
you?"
"Missing
bourbon."
"You
two deserve each other. Surly One and Surly Two. Oh, I see Admiral Cain. I
really need to catch her. Enjoy the wine." And she was off.
Chakotay
however stayed. "So...this is new. The two of
you..."
"Oh,
no, we're just..." She looked at Shaw for help.
"Lost
souls searching for a familiar face."
"I
buy that." Chakotay's expression was untroubled——the amount of work it
must take to project that much zen...
"What
wine should we be tasting?" Seven asked him, and Shaw wondered if she
meant all three of them or just the two of them——and fuck, why did that even
matter?
Except
she'd dated this guy. Once upon a time. Another story told to him between when
too much bourbon had been consumed and antitox was taken.
But
who cared who she dated?
"I'm
going to let you two catch up. I see a Bordeaux with my name on it." And
he escaped before he had any weirder thoughts about her and her love life.
A
moment later, Seven was back at his side. "Way to
leave me with him."
"It
didn't seem weird between you two. And you didn't give the alert sign."
"No,
because he probably knows it."
"So he's the awkward ex and Raffi's the parted on good terms
ex?"
"Kind
of."
"Okay."
"What
does that mean?"
"It
means okay. Jesus, I don't remember wine making you this bitchy." He took
a good look at her. "What happened today?"
"I
made the selection for science officer. I'd been putting it off. Because
of..." She held her glass out and when the server asked which wine she'd
like to try, said, "Don't care. You pick."
"Give
her the Chateau Ausone."
The
server nodded and poured her an ounce. Shaw finished his Shiraz and held out
his glass for a taste of the Ausone too. Then they moved away to not block the
table.
"I
know T'Veen is gone. But——" She took a deep, ragged breath.
"You
gonna cry?" He pitched his voice low. Not judgy. He just wanted to get her
back out to the patio if she was.
"No.
Yes. I don't know."
"Way
to pin that down." He held his glass out to her. "This is good stuff.
Worthy of saying goodbye to T'Veen. She was amazing and gone too soon."
"To
T'Veen." She didn't throw this ounce back. "This is good. Is this
what Picard's is supposed to taste like?"
"No,
he's doing a Burgundy. But his should taste like a good
one of those and it doesn't."
She
laughed. "Poor Picard."
"I'm
not toasting to him."
"Somehow
I knew that." She closed her eyes for a moment. "I should have eaten
first. I didn't realize there would be this many choices."
"Rookie
mistake, Seven."
"Next
time I'll remember that I have a wine mentor." She sighed. "No real
mentor but..."
"I
was kind of your mentor, right? Before. I mean I still can be. At least for the
rules and regulations." He grinned because she used to make so much fun of
him for that. "And I'm hungry too. You want to get out of here?"
She
frowned but nodded.
"Kind
of giving me a mixed message."
"I'm
just——this is new."
"It's
just dinner."
"Sure.
Yeah. Which we did all the time except that we didn't. Other than the formal
ones you threw."
"Okay,
then go get your own fucking dinner." And he walked off and left her,
feeling——fuck, was he hurt?
He
felt her hand on his arm, a gentle touch, stopping him. "I didn't say
no."
"Well,
you didn't say yes, either."
"Yes,
fine, dinner, I'm starving. Shit, what is your problem?"
Such
a good question.
Janeway
caught them at the door. "Thank you for coming." Her smile
was...really fucking weird.
"Thanks
for inviting us." He steered Seven clear of her and said, "Is she
always like that?"
"Like
what?"
"Super
self—satisfied."
"I
find it best not to overanalyze her."
"Note
to self." He followed her out of the conference room the wine tasting had
been set up in and then out of Command. "Do you know where we're
going?"
"Outside.
Then you can take over. I just need..." She stopped. "There's a part
of me that still wants to run. I hate that kind of event. What kind of captain
will I be if I hate that kind of event?"
"I've
seen you co—host on our ship. You never let me down. It's totally different
when it's your own territory." He smiled gently and she seemed to relax.
"I
find it disconcerting how easily you can talk me down."
"I
don't."
For
a moment they just stood there looking at each other.
What
the fuck was happening?
He
broke the gaze. "Since you don't know where we're going, there's a new
Cuban diner a few blocks from here. Want to try it?"
"Yes."
"Do
you like Cuban food?"
"I
don't know." She laughed. "Do you like it?"
"Yes.
Very much. I'll be your food mentor, too."
"Thank
you. You always had interesting dinner menus."
"Once
I got you eating the blue steak."
She
laughed softly. "I have learned not to question."
He
burst out laughing.
"About
food, anyway."
"Okay,
sure. About food anyway."
##
Seven
walked into the temporary office that Shaw had been assigned and saw him
sitting in his chair, swiveling and looking at the ceiling. She couldn't help
but laugh. "Wow. Someone's bored."
"You
walking in is the most interesting thing that's happened all day." He
rolled back to the desk.
"I
thought they had you troubleshooting all the problems with linking the
fleet."
"They
did, and I did it, and I briefed it last week and now I'm just waiting for
someone to assign me to something real. I am so fucking bored,
you have no idea. And no engines to go play with to make me feel better."
"If
it makes you feel a tiny bit better, playing with the ones on the ship is not
as relaxing without you there."
"I
don't think anyone has ever called my presence relaxing."
"Or
mine. Which is probably why we meshed once we shut our mouths and got to
work." She pointed to a chair. "May I sit, Liam?"
"Yep.
So why are you darkening my door? Also, other than laughing at me manifesting
my inner twelve—year—old, you look like someone kicked your puppy.
Repeatedly."
"I've
been interviewing engineers."
"No
one good?"
She
shook her head.
"Wanna
share names and get my opinion?"
"Will
that get you or me in trouble?"
"Not
if we don't tell anybody. First one. Lay it on me."
"Natodo."
"Oh,
fuck no. He's such a dick."
She
started to laugh——the cackle laugh she couldn't control. It also generally made
him grin, and it did now. "Coming from you, Captain Asshole, that's
rich."
"I
know." His grin ratcheted up. "It's not just that he's unpleasant.
But he makes everyone around him wish they could walk out an airlock."
"You
worked with him?"
"For
him. Passed him by on the way. Say no to him."
"Reason?
I can't say my former captain said he was a dick."
"Why
did you think he was meh?"
"His
arrogance."
"Yeah that too. Okay, I'm going to give you the answer that
is right for about eighty percent of any situations in need of an excuse that
is nonspecific enough to not be something a person can check, but not so lame
as to be obviously a lie. 'We've decided to go in another direction.'"
"I
like it." She leaned back in the chair and shook her head. "The other
was Co'o'da."
"They're
good. Smart. But...they've been on small ships. Nothing like this. I'd pick
them as deputy maybe, but not chief."
"My
thoughts too." She leaned in. "Why am I only getting two applicants
for this? It's the goddamned Enterprise. Is it me? They don't want to
work for an ex—Borg?"
"That
is weird. And no, it can't be you. Give me a sec." He started typing
something and a reply was immediate. "B'Elanna says there's a preferred
candidate and that has been made known to the more competitive candidates so
they don't waste their time."
"News
to me. Jesus, I hate this bureaucracy shit."
"Wait——you
don't know who the preferred candidate is?"
She
shook her head.
"Okay
that is weird. I guess, maybe karma? You're getting someone assigned to you.
But hey, if it's like you for me, then they'll be great. Just don't trust them
around Picard or Riker." His grin was so pleased with himself that she had
to laugh.
"Would
you want the position?"
"Get
back to engines? Follow in the footsteps of Scotty and La Forge and Tucker on
the Enterprise? Wow. That would be amazing. And I'd forgive them the
name change even." He sighed. "Which means it's never going to
happen. I'll be sitting here, in meetings for the rest of my career, wondering
if I'll make flag rank and all the while pining for my grease monkey
days."
"Not
for your captain days?"
He
shook his head. "It wasn't my strength. People's safety weighed on
me."
"You
were an engineer for years. I think that's even more about people's safety. The
engines go boom and no more people."
"I
know but all the minutiae of being in charge, the constant weirdness from
Command, the politics, knowing that people were expecting me to know best all
the fucking time."
"I
thought you did it really gracefully." When he gave her a skeptical look,
she laughed and said, "When you weren't pissing me off."
"There's
the truth. And thank you for saying the nice part first." He started to
spin around again. "I'm absolutely going to come out of my skin if I have
to stay in this room one more minute. You want to go get some coffee or
something in the cafeteria?"
"Yes.
I'm between meetings. Need a caffeine hit."
As
they walked to the cafeteria, he asked, "Do you want me to see if I can
worm the preferred candidate out of B'Elanna. Although she's your friend too.
Why don't you ask her?"
"If
you'd do it, that'd be great."
"A
lot being said there, Seven. Problems with you and her?"
"No.
I just...I just wish they'd talk to me about this kind of stuff. Tell me
there's a preferred candidate so I should lower my expectations on interviews
they're making me do but are probably a monumental waste of my time."
"Ah,
but this is the weirdness from Command I was talking about. Get used to
it."
"I'll
try. I'm not as patient as you are."
"You're
not as patient as I was when I was a toddler."
She
cackled again. Damn him with his stealth humor hits. "Truth probably. You
no doubt shit your diaper according to Starfleet defecation protocols."
"I
knew all the regs about poop." He laughed. "Even talking about poop
is more fun than what I'm doing in that office."
"I'm
sorry."
"Yeah,
no good death and resurrection goes unpunished, I guess."
##
Shaw
took a deep breath before entering his fourth CINC—sponsored event in a month.
He saw Seven at the bar and walked over to her.
"This
is getting ridiculous," she said, pushing a glass of red wine to him
before he even had to order. "Kathryn told me you'd be here."
He
slid onto the barstool, feeling touched that she'd ordered for him, but then
took a drink and nearly spit it out. "God damn it, you didn't."
She
was laughing so hard that he started laughing too. He didn't think he'd ever
seen her so amused. He had to admit, she'd pushed him the Chateau Picard
without giving anything away.
She
motioned the bartender over and he brought a glass of something else.
"Is
that also Chateau Picard?" He would not put it past her to get him twice.
"No,
sir. It's Malbec."
"Fine.
Thank you."
"You
really thought I'd give you something you hate...twice?"
"Yep."
She
laughed again, but in a more restrained way. "So
what do you think Kathryn's doing? I doubt she thinks either of us seriously
care about Ulanniac cultural yarnworks."
"What?
You didn't check out my yarnworks collection when you were in my
quarters?"
"I
suppose it's right next to your knife collection?"
"Yep."
"I
guess I missed that. I'm more into blades than yarn."
He
turned to see if Kathryn was watching them. She was, so he raised his glass to
her and got a nod in return. "I have a theory what she's doing."
"Do
tell."
"So,
when she sent me up to make sure you weren't going to run away...?"
She
nodded.
"I
may have told her that if she'd just let you apply for the job——encouraged you
to but didn't tell me I had to select you——I would have picked you."
She
looked shocked. "You would have? But the Borg thing?"
"Yeah,
it was new and different——and a little unnerving. But I could tell you were
smart, and you thought fast and you understood engineering. And more
importantly, you seemed to be my opposite. That I wasn't going to get a lot of
yes with you unless you meant it. You'd challenge me. You'd fill in the gaps in
how I lead. And..." He took a sip of his wine. "And I'd have called
you by the name you wanted. Because I wouldn't have thought you were an asshole
who had a powerful mentor and was willing to use that."
"You
told her that?"
"I
did. And maybe she feels bad? Maybe she's trying to give us a do—over on the
getting to know you thing?" He studied her expression; she seemed to be
considering that. "Is she given to contrition?"
"Not
in my experience. But...what you're saying makes sense. She may not say she's
sorry but she will try to reengineer how things went."
"Fix
her mistakes, you mean."
"She'd
have to admit it was a mistake. Reengineering can be done to things that
already work."
"We
already work. As a command team. How much closer does she want us to get?"
She
didn't seem to be able to meet his eyes.
"What?"
"Tonight,
when she told me you were coming. She may have noted how, uh, handsome you
are."
"You
think I'm handsome?"
"No,
she does. I just had to listen to her say it."
"So you don't think I'm handsome?" He wasn't sure how to
feel about that.
"I
didn't say that either."
"It's
sort of a yes or no question. Am I or aren't I?"
"Fine,
yes, you're very handsome. And I'm pretty despite the implants. Can we move on
to how we get her to stop?"
"I
wouldn't say it's despite the implants."
"What?"
"You're
pretty period. But I think they're kind of..." He was about to say
"hot." Shit, should he say that to her? She didn't work for him
anymore. They were peers.
"Kind
of what?"
"Hot."
He
got the eyebrow. Of surprise and amusement, he thought. "Hot?"
"Yeah,
so sue me. But if we want her to stop, we just ask her."
"You
think that will stop her?"
"Once
she knows we're on to her, yes." But Seven knew Janeway better.
"Won't it?"
"I
don't know." Her voice sounded off.
"Do
you not want her to stop? You were the one who brought it up."
"Of course I want her to stop. Hanging out with you is not my
idea of fun."
"Yeah,
me either."
"Fine."
"Fine."
He could see her jaw tightening, the way it always used to when he'd really
pissed her off. "You're lying, Seven. I'm lying. Why are we lying?"
"Because
we don't like each other."
"I
don't know about that. Did it escape your notice that despite threatening you
with the fury of Starfleet Security after we escaped Vadic, I didn't give Ro
your name. You were not questioned."
She
turned slowly and stared at him.
"I
guess it did escape your notice."
"I
kept waiting to be taken into custody. It was a very shitty day for me. You
could have told me so I'd relax."
"You'd
just betrayed me. Fuck your relaxation."
She
scoffed, and he realized that sound was really super comforting because it was
so familiar.
"So are we going to tell her to stop?" he asked.
"No.
Fine. But drink up. I want to leave before the lecture begins. These people can
talk for hours from what I read."
"You
studied up before you came? You didn't just stride in and plan to play it by
ear? I love that, Seven."
"I
made plans when I was a ranger."
"Yes,
I'm sure ready, aim, fire is a great plan."
"I
had other plans than that."
"I
will admit I've missed the arguing."
"Me,
too," she said, so softly that if he hadn't been listening for it, he
would have missed it. She threw back her bourbon and said, "I'd like
Japanese tonight. I love the boxes with all the different things."
"Who
am I to deny you a bento box?" He finished his wine and said, "My
lady? There is an exit just past the lavatories if we want to scoot out the
back way."
"There's
also one down the service entrance."
"We're
not service."
"But
there are two ways out. That's what I mean."
"Good
to know if the bad guys strike, you'll have it under
control——even if you couldn't blow the lift."
"It
takes longer to do that than the lift takes to arrive."
"Doesn't
matter. You didn't even try."
"I
should have. Bye bye, you, and I'd have had no annoying urge to save you if you
were in bits."
"Yeah,
right." He grinned at her, the full—mouthed crooked grin, and she rolled
her eyes——but her smile was adorable.
"Let's
get out of here, Liam." She was already off the stool and heading for the
exit.
He
admired the way she covered ground, the almost stomp——except she was leaving
him in the dust. "You gonna slow down or are we sprinting to dinner?"
"You're
in good shape. Hurry it up."
She
thought he was in good shape. And handsome.
The
night was looking up.
He
caught up with her and said, "I've made no progress on the name of the
preferred candidate."
"Why
don't they just make the selection and close the goddamned job notice?"
"Because
sometimes the preferred candidate has other offers. You don't close the notice
until you lock them down. By the way, it says in the notice that there's a
preferred candidate. Do you never read them?"
"They
always change my words to something more bureaucratic. I've given up. And I
didn't even know they could put that on the job
notice."
"Only
for O—5s and above."
"Still,
why would anyone even apply if they know?"
"Well,
Natado's too arrogant not to think you might pick him anyway. Also possibly desperate."
"And
Co'o'da? They seemed more attuned to how things work."
"Sometimes,
you have to apply for things you don't want and aren't ready for to get on the
radar for a job you do."
"And
the deputy job is opening up in a few months."
"Bingo.
I assume they didn't lie about their qualifications, make it sound like they
were a shoe—in for the chief job?"
"No,
they made it sound like they were a fit for the deputy. Without me realizing
it. But now I want them for it."
"They're
smart. I once did that for a job I wanted that wasn't going to be advertised,
just appointed. Applied for a job I definitely did not want but was the chief
overseeing the other job, and in the interview talked more about my ideas for
the job I wanted than for the job I'd applied for."
"You
got it?"
"I
did. It was a really hard job and I spent the first month feeling like I was
going to vomit because I felt so over my head, but then I settled in. And I did
good. Sometimes you have to play the game."
"This
is why I need you as my mentor. I don't even know there's a game to play."
"That's
not a bad thing."
"If
you say so."
##
She
popped into Shaw's office and found him reading on his padd. "Still
bored?"
"No,
these engineering abstracts are interesting. Oh, you mean in the job I'm
supposed to be doing except there's nothing to do? Yes."
"Wow,
you sound bitchy. You want me to go?"
"No,
I don't want you to go. I can be bitchy and glad to see you at the same time.
You between meetings? Need your caffeine hit?"
"I
do need caffeine. Have one of those captain—first
officer seminars with Raffi."
He
made snoring noises.
"Yes.
How come we got to skip those?"
"Because
I'm more clever at finding really good excuses for not
doing it than you are." He got up and walked with her, but he was weirdly
quiet and when she glanced at him, he looked off.
"Are
you all right?"
"What?
Sure."
"Your
face says otherwise."
"Well,
I was going to comm you and then you walked in, and it's that I sort of have
tickets to the symphony. They're doing Chopin and it's this weekend and my
friend who was going to go with me had to bow out."
She
frowned. "The symphony here isn't doing Chopin this weekend. It's
Mozart." She'd signed up for notifications from the local symphony when
the ship went into refits.
"It's
not here. It's in Zagreb. They're doing Chopin in Zagreb. And it's a pianist
mostly, obviously, since it's Chopin, not the whole symphony."
"That's
nine hours ahead of here."
"Mm
huh."
"You'll
be going in the morning to catch an evening performance."
"Right.
Except we were going to stay over. My friend and I——I mean we both had rooms
for the weekend."
"You
have a friend who likes Chopin that much?"
"Yes,
but he's not going——because he's busy. At an offsite that was suddenly
scheduled. But yeah, he loves Chopin. Like would marry him. If he weren't long
dead——he's not into corpses. Okay that wasn't the part that needed to be said
out loud. Anyway, I need to find someone who likes Chopin to go with me."
"Liam,
you're lying. Your pupils are dilated, your forehead is sweating, and you're
talking the way you did to Geordi when you first met him. Did you buy the
tickets for...us?"
"Is
it going to piss you off if I say yes? Because if so, then no."
"Do
I look pissed off?"
"I
don't know. Honestly, I'm super nervous, and my heart's beating so fast I can
hear it in my ears, and my eyes have kind of glazed over."
She
had to admit she found this version of him completely charming. "Do you
need to sit down? There's a bench ahead."
"Fuck
you. Put me out of my misery. Are you in or not?"
"The
whole weekend?" That was a big leap——from Kathryn's little parties that
they turned into dinner to a weekend.
"God
damn it. Forget it." He turned on his heel and strode away as she just
stood watching him. With a sigh, she went into the cafeteria because she really
didn't have that much time, got herself a coffee and him a decaf because clearly he'd had enough caffeine, and grabbed a bunch of
cookies on the way out.
Then
she walked back to his office even though her seminar was in the opposite
direction, found him sitting at his desk looking pissed——but his "I'm
pissed at myself" look, not at her——and put the decaf and a few of the
cookies down. "Yes. Have a good day."
"Yes?
Yes to the weekend?"
"We
have two rooms?"
"Of
course."
"Then
yes to the weekend. I've never been to Croatia. I've only heard Chopin
performed live once and the pianist mangled it. I look forward to hearing one
with actual musical aptitude performing it. Have a good day."
And
she turned on her heel before he could say anything else and hurried to her
meeting.
Raffi
was already there, thumbing through the syllabus. "This looks fun. That's
my sarcastic voice in case you were wondering. Ooh, cookies."
"Can
you cover this weekend?"
"Short
notice. She better be hot."
"He."
"He?"
She studied her, the way only Raffi could, seeing so much more than Seven wanted to show. "Oh, my God." She started to
laugh. "For real? Your dinner partner of choice these days? Shaw?"
"Shut
up."
Raffi
shouldn't even know, but she'd wormed it out of her after seeing her and Shaw
coming back together to Command from one of their dinners.
"Did
every other available person die, Seven?"
"Shut
up."
"That
is not going to win you points in this captain—first officer seminar. Should I
tell the facilitator you just told me to shut up twice before the class even
started?"
Seven
laughed. "Three times. Shut up. And I know. It's weird."
"The
whole weekend."
"Separate
rooms."
"Where?"
"Zagreb."
"Well,
points for originality." She was laughing again.
"Chopin's
being performed."
Raffi's
expression changed. She made a face that usually Seven saw when she was
watching cat videos. "Aww, that's so sweet. I mean classical's not my
thing, but he obviously knows it's yours."
She
thought about how he'd played her favorite Chopin piece at the dinner with
Picard and Riker. How he'd bucked protocol and had the wrong sized table——no
doubt to get Picard and Riker as far away from him as possible——and put her in
the guest of honor seat. Also to piss off the other
two, but still. "It is sweet. He was such a goof trying to ask me."
"Your
smile is a nice one. You 'like him' like him?"
She
shrugged. Did she? "This is Kathryn's fault. And yours ultimately. You
went to her——don't bother denying it."
"I
did, and if you dating him is the price for keeping you here and as mellow as
you've been lately, I'll pay it. I want to be your first officer, not first
officer for some other yahoo if you run away."
"I
love you."
"I
love you too, Sev. Even if you were the world's shittiest girlfriend. Should I
warn him?" She was teasing, her tone gentle.
"Please
don't." Only was that fair? Before she could change her answer, Raffi
said, "Don't worry. I won't spoil this for you."
"What
do I wear to the symphony?"
"Something
nice."
"Like
Renee Picard's gala nice?" That was a lovely dress but she hadn't brought
it back with her.
"Ask
him. If he's packing a tux, yes. If he's just taking a suit, then that blue
dress you have will work. Or the maroon one."
"It's
handy that you know my clothes. Then again you were always borrowing them
so..."
"Oh,
like you weren't always borrowing my makeup?"
"You
have more than I do. I have less clothes than you do."
"Details."
She laughed softly. "Class is starting. Shut up. Or daydream about your
man." She couldn't get "your man" out without a laugh.
"Shut
up."
"Four
times. Such a mean captain." She grabbed a cookie and made a big show of
paying attention to the admin details.
Seven
knew where the restrooms were so she ignored the information and assessed how
she felt about having said yes to Shaw. Sometimes she was impulsive and then
regretted it.
She
didn't feel any regret.
It
just seemed like it might be really fun. Because she was enjoying him during
their dinners. He was funny and now that he wasn't pissed off at her for being
on his ship, he was actually really sweet.
And
even when he had been pissed off at her for being on his ship, he'd believed in
her. And that was something she wouldn't ever take for granted.
##
Shaw
kept peeking over at Seven as they wandered around Zagreb, eating their crepe
sandwiches and sipping coffee. They'd gotten in late last night and hadn't had
time to look around. But now it was a gorgeous day and they had lots of time
before they had to get ready for the concert.
She
wasn't looking at him as they walked, more interested in the city and not
getting hit by one of the streetcars.
She
even pulled him out of the way of one at one point, laughing and calling him a
doofus.
"You
just can't let me die, can you?"
"I
guess not. I'd have more elbow room tonight if I did."
He
laughed and eased her out of the way of a tour of school kids. She pulled him
to a bench and finished her food, still not looking at him.
"You okay?"
"I
have a question. But it's a sort of harsh one. I don't want to spoil our
morning."
He
laughed. "Uhhhh. You might as well just ask it at this point."
She
gave him the eyebrow and he guessed it was for embarrassment or agreement.
"We've had dinner together. Now a weekend. That seems like..."
"A
big ass escalation?"
She
nodded.
"There's
a method to my madness."
"I'm
all ears." She went back to her sandwich.
"Dinner
has been really fun but we're only together for a few hours. Barely time enough
to argue much. And I think we've both been on our best behavior. So...it feels
sort of...not us, I guess."
She
made a noncommittal sound.
"I
figured a weekend would either show that we're actually enjoying hanging out
together or..."
"We'd
implode?"
"Yep."
"Also
travel shows you who people really are."
"Oh
my God, yes." He went back to his sandwich. Holy cow it was good. A crepe
rolled into a cone with cheese and ham. He'd have to check the replicator for
them. Only nothing ever tasted as good as when you ate it in the open air with
someone else.
"How
are we doing then, Liam?"
"Shitty.
We'll be lucky to get to the concert hall."
She
laughed. "Yeah, it's pretty tragic. So I guess in
a way we are getting the do—over Kathryn might want us to have."
"Seems
like. I don't mind. When I turn off resentful Liam, you're actually good
company." He took a sip of his coffee.
"You're
still a dick."
And
snorted his coffee. "Jesus, a little warning."
"But
I learned under you——stealth sarcasm."
"You
learned well." He was grinning way more than he did during a work day——his
face was going to hurt by the end of the day.
"I
want to say... I want to say that I'm sorry for the way I handled Picard, not
telling you. I wish..."
He
shook his head.
"No?
You're not forgiving me?"
"No,
not that. Just——what's the point of worrying about it? We stopped the big bad.
Or you did——I was just lying dead for a good part of the exciting bits."
"But
no, that's not what I mean. I'm not sorry that I did it. I'm sorry for how
I did it."
"And
I'm sorry I didn't give you a space where you felt comfortable doing it another
way. It's on both of us, Seven."
"Okay."
"Thank
you for saying it, though. I sometimes wish I could do it over too. All of it,
starting with your name. That was... I was a total asshole and you should have
just decked me."
"Do
I need to quote the reg about striking a fellow officer, let alone a superior
one?"
"I'm
so proud right now."
"I
learned it on Voyager."
"I
don't care. Don't spoil my happiness."
"Fine."
##
Seven
sat next to Liam in the concert hall, losing herself in the music. The pianist
was so skilled, and she closed her eyes and felt Liam shift again.
They
were in the middle of a row, perfect for sound but not for comfort. Glancing
down, she could tell he was trying not to crowd her on the shared arm rest.
Trying too hard, so she reached over, took his hand in hers, and pulled his arm
up to share the armrest with her. She decided not to let go of his hand.
His
breathing changed, got fast but then finally relaxed, and she smiled and closed
her eyes again.
He'd
given her this glorious music; he should at least be comfortable listening to
it, since she wasn't sure he even liked Chopin that much. He was far more a
Vivaldi or Strauss type.
As
one piece ended, she realized he was now sitting almost frozen, holding her
hand really lightly, as if afraid he'd do something wrong so she squeezed his
hand and shook it a little. When he looked at her with a question in his eyes,
she murmured, "Relax. Please?"
He
nodded and squeezed back and held her hand more normally, and he didn't let go
until the concert was over, until he needed both hands for applause. He leaned
in and whispered, "Did you like the pianist this time?"
"I
loved her. Thank you."
"You're
welcome." His voice was so gentle, his eyes so soft, that she had to lean
into him and kiss his cheek softly.
He
swallowed visibly. "Relax, right?"
"Relax.
It's just me." She wasn't in a hurry to go stand in line with the non—moving
crowd and could tell he wasn't either, so they just sat there.
"It's
not just you, though. It's you in that dress in this city holding my hand at a
concert I brought you to."
"You've
seen one pretty dress you've seen them all." But she was pleased because
she loved this maroon dress, how it set off her hair and eyes.
"The
dress is really nice but it's you that makes it pretty. Not the other way
around."
"Oh,
now you're trying to be charming. I am in so much trouble." She laughed
but not the cackle, not here.
"How
am I doing?"
"Pretty
well, actually. I'm shocked." She grinned at the lopsided smile he gave
her, the one he tried to hold back usually.
"Oh and you just kissed me."
"On
the cheek. Nothing to write home about."
"Maybe
I'm an easy grader."
"I
seriously doubt that." The crowd was thinning out so she stood and
followed him to the aisle. "Can we walk for a while before we go back to
the hotel?"
"We
can walk all night if you want."
"Really?"
He
nodded. "Anything you want."
She
could feel doubt creeping in. Not about him, but about how far they could take
this. Was it even smart? "I'm leaving soon."
"Zagreb?"
He looked utterly confused.
She
realized he had not followed the conversational u—turn she'd just pulled.
"No, on the ship. How long do we really want to walk?"
He
studied her. "Do you have orders you can't tell me about? To some other
quadrant?"
"No."
"Is
there someone else taking you to concerts in cool new places on the
weekends?"
She
laughed. "No."
"Then
what's the harm in walking as long and as far as we want? Even if later it's walking via comms?"
She
was the one who swallowed visibly this time. "I'm feeling things.
For...you." She laughed at the amount of horror she'd just put in that.
"I mean——"
"I
know what you mean. I'm right there with you. Feeling things and wondering how
the hell this happened. To us."
They
followed the crowd up the stairs in silence, but then he murmured, "I may
be leaving Starfleet."
She
turned to him in alarm.
"I
still don't have a job, Seven. I mean...I fucking died and they can't find me
anything? Not even in some out of the way corner if they really hate me that
much?"
"They
can't hate you. You've got the best safety record in the fleet. The crew love
you. They want to throw you a goodbye party since you were beamed off to
Medical before anyone could."
"For
real?"
She
nodded. "What the fuck is Starfleet's problem?"
"I
don't know. But I put my name in for the retirement transition program. There
are so many companies that have already contacted me. Gotta say
it sure helped my wounded pride."
"But
you can't be my mentor if you're in private industry."
"Seven,
you don't need me as a mentor. Find some high flyer and hitch your wagon to a
real star."
"I
did that. She stole me from the collective and then abandoned me when her
collective rejected me." She hated the pain that came up when she thought
of that, how running to the rangers had been her only good choice. Her only way
to make a difference her way.
He
pulled her to him and kissed her forehead. "You're going to be fine. In a
year, you won't even remember why you wanted me for a mentor."
"Bullshit."
They
made it outside and he held his hand out. "Let's walk. I liked holding
your hand."
Only
he'd moved so this time he'd be holding her left hand, the one with the
implant, and she frowned and looked at him.
He
leaned in so he could grab her hand and said, "I don't care which one I
hold."
"Sure?"
"Positive.
Also, I'm not going to try to seduce you, if that helps."
"Ever?"
He
laughed——probably at how pissed she'd sounded when she asked that.
"Well..."
"What
if I tried to seduce you?"
"I'd
just be another bed partner, I think. We're not there yet. Or we are if that's
all we want. One night."
"You
want more?"
"I
do. Well, unless you suck in bed. Then I don't."
She
did cackle at that. "Dick."
"Yeah,
right back at you, Seven."
##
After
hours of just wandering Zagreb with Seven, Shaw was back in his room, in boxers
and a tank, just drifting off to sleep when there was a loud knock on his door.
"Don't
come," he said without thinking about how these were real fucking doors
not the ones in his quarters.
Although
it was Seven doing the knocking. He could somehow tell.
He
got up and opened the door. "If you're all right and knocking like a mad
woman, we're going to have a problem."
"Whatever."
She pushed him aside——holy shit she was strong——and barreled into his room. She
was wearing a cropped tank and super short shorts and he wasn't sure on the
underwear part. Her hair was messed though, like she'd come right from trying
to sleep and not gussied up on some "Let's have sex right now after
all" mission.
"Seven...what
the fuck?"
"I
want you."
So
maybe this was how she seduced——looking like she'd tossed and turned for a bit
first. She'd look good however she did it.
"We
said——"
"Not
like that. I'm sick of interviewing people I don't want for my chief engineer
when you're fucking retiring and available. I'm sick of not knowing who their
goddamned preferred candidate is. I want you to be my chief engineer."
"It
doesn't work that way."
"Why
not?"
"Because
it just doesn't." He sighed and walked to the window, staring out at the
narrow street below. "I'm done with ships."
"Because
why? In my book——the one you said would be great——you're not."
He
sighed, loudly enough that she'd catch it.
She
joined him at the window. "Do you not want to be on a ship anymore?"
"I
didn't say that."
"Is
it because of the name change?" Her voice was low and lost and he was
having trouble not reaching out for her.
"No."
"Is
it me? You don't want to work with me again."
"For
you, you mean. And no, it's not that. It's just——you can't make your own
rules."
"Why
not? The rules I break were maybe broken to begin with. Isn't that what you
said?"
"We
can't do this——whatever this is——on the ship."
"Why
not? My ship, not yours. If I want to risk it... Unless you don't. Unless I'm
not worth risking things for. And if that's the case, if you really do want to
retire or wait it out to see if you make admiral, then I understand and I'll go
away and I'll take whoever they give me and forget that it could have been you.
On your ship with your engines with the crew you adore——and with me."
God
damn it——he was tearing up. "Stop it, Hansen."
"You
can't hurt me with that name anymore. But you're trying to. Why? Why don't you
want this? You're bored shitless. We could have this. And you'd be there, to
make sure I did things right. That I kept everyone safe the way you did."
He
closed his eyes. It was unfair of her to use these things against him. Things
he wanted so fucking much he could taste it. Engines and the kids he was mentoring before he died and was shipped off. His
friends. The adventure without having to be captain.
And
her.
"If
I weren't on the ship would you do it?" She was
standing too close to him. He could smell her perfume and it hit him like it
always did, how it smelled different on her than on anyone else. "Is it
me?"
He
pulled her to him, kissing her the way he'd been thinking of all weekend——and
many times before. Hating her hadn't meant he didn't want her. Resenting her
didn't stop the attraction.
Maybe
the reverse.
She
held on tightly and he hiked her up and she wrapped herself around him, in no
doubt at this point how fucking much he wanted her. "I want you with me,
Liam. I don't understand why we work, but we do. And we did even when we
detested each other. I trusted you."
"And
I trusted you. Look, if you just want to not wait for sex, we can do it here.
We can do it again and again if that's what you want once we get back to the
city. Until you ship out and then, we'll see how it works long distance. But
they aren't going to let me be chief engineer on the flagship, Seven. Not when
they have a fucking preferred candidate."
She
kissed him almost viciously. "What if I make them?"
"You
can't."
Suddenly
she was fighting him and he let her go. "You're a fucking coward,
Liam." She looked so betrayed.
"Me
being a fucking coward is news to no one, Seven. Can I please get some sleep.
You said I was moving fast? Look at you."
"Maybe
because life is short and we're not young and you died once already. Maybe I
don't want to be without you. Maybe you don't want to be without me."
"Maybe
you should go to bed." The forlorn look she gave him nearly broke him.
"In
my room? Or here?"
He
could only see her pressing this if she stayed in his room, trying to get him
to see this her way. But it wouldn't work. Someone would be her Seven of Nine,
her "you've got to take the person" candidate. Starfleet wouldn't
give a good goddamn if he wanted to be back on his ship, that he would give
anything to be with those engines and that crew——even if he and Seven failed spectacularly in the romance department.
They'd
work together well, and he knew it even if they weren't compatible
romantically. She didn't have to sell him on that idea.
But
she couldn't thumb her nose at how things worked. Had she been this rebellious
as a drone? Or later, when she was freed?
"Which
fucking room, Liam?"
"Yours.
Goodnight. I'll see you at breakfast like we planned."
"No,
you won't. I'm going to pack and I'm going to go home. To the ship you should
be on but won't even try." And she turned and he let her get to the door
before he said, "Don't go. Please?"
"I'll
have to go eventually. What difference does it make if it's now or later?"
And she opened the door and was gone.
He
sat on his bed, sleep a distant memory, and realized his tremor was back. It
hadn't bothered him since he died. Why now?
Before
he could overthink it, he was out the door and down the hall, pounding on her
door. She opened the door and he pushed her back, kicking the door closed
behind him.
He
held up his hand. Stared at it, the way it was no longer trembling. Then very
slowly he said, "I'm not a coward."
She
was staring at him. "You're not. You never were."
"I
just... I gave up on dreams a long time ago. Maybe at Wolf. I don't know. But
if I let you try, if I start hoping... It's better not to. It's like
Schroedinger's future. If I don't ever ask for much, I won't get told no. I
won't find out how little I mean to Starfleet."
"I
already know how little I mean. Let's be outcasts together." She moved to
him, pushed him hard against the door. "Let me try to get you on our
ship."
He
thought she was going to kiss him, viciously by the look of it, but she didn't
move, just waited for his answer.
"Okay,"
he said, and he felt something untangle within him. He'd grown up on fairy
tales his mother had loved and told him. Thorns encircling things was a common
theme. It was easy to imagine his heart was similarly encased.
That
he was the lost soul in the tower. Sleepwalking his way through life since the Constance.
Waiting for his princess to come find him. To save him.
Only
he didn't get a princess. He got a motherfucking queen. "Okay,
Seven." And he pulled her to him and kissed her almost viciously and she
responded in kind and pushed him to the bed, stripping off his clothes as he
returned the favor.
Their
first time was violent but not dangerous, it was a firestorm but consumed
nothing except the chains he'd felt for so long.
It
was amazing and deep and when he was inside her, when she stared up at him and
smiled in a "Look what's happening" way, he smiled back in the same
way.
"I
fucking love you. And it scares the shit out of me." He buried his head in
her neck as he came, calling out into her hair.
"I
know," she whispered back. "I'm terrified too. But...this isn't new
for me. Feeling this way for you. I've been falling for a while now. It's why I
couldn't let you die."
"I
did die."
"Stay
dead then."
He
rolled to his back and pulled her with him, kissing her, running his hands
everywhere, finding out where she liked to be touched and how. Not for arousal
but for comfort, for connection, for communion. "I'm glad you didn't let
me. I'd have missed doing this. And this is..."
"Extraordinary."
She smiled shyly, and it charmed him how she could go from such a fierce lover
to this sweet and caring——and damaged like him——woman. "You have to help
me brainstorm. We need a plan. You know how things work. I know how to make
people change their minds."
"You
can't beat up B'Elanna."
"I
can use words too to change minds given the right motivation." She laughed
throatily and whispered in his ear, "Or you could be remembered as being
the captain who let two legends die..."
"Do
not go there."
Her
laugh was glorious. "But I can do it——I moved you. You ran the ship into a
fucking tractor beam. I would never, ever have had the balls to do that."
He
did do that. Jesus, that had felt...satisfying. Terrifying but really fucking
satisfying. "Fine, we'll brainstorm in the morning."
"And
make love. I want to do so many things to you and with you and for you."
He
smoothed her hair back, entranced by how silky it was. "We have
time."
"Sure.
Until we don't. I'm done waiting for the perfect moment. Life can be short.
Seize the day." She seized a particular part of him and he groaned.
"Back in the Delta Quadrant, I saved someone with nanoprobes. He told me——and
I didn't really want to hear this——that his refractory period was considerably
shortened."
"Did
you test that?"
She
made a face. "No. I just took his word for it. But what I'm saying
is..." She began to play for real. "I'm guessing you haven't been
fucking anyone to find out?"
"I
hate that you're right." Her hand was doing wonders. He didn't hate that.
"Were
you waiting for me?"
"If
anyone had asked me if I thought you and I would share a meal, much less a bed,
I would have said they were crazy."
She
tightened her grip. "Were you waiting for me, Liam?"
"Maybe.
I don't honestly know."
"That's
a good answer. I'm not sure either. But I knew we weren't finished."
"Yeah.
I think you're right."
"Do
you want to keep talking or should I put my mouth to better use?"
"Well,
technically you doing that doesn't impact my ability to talk."
"It
will if I do it right."
He
laughed. Damn she was fun. "Okay then. Let's see what you've got."
He
wasn't able to form words for a good five minutes after she was done.
##
She
woke before the sun was up to find him sitting up in bed reading something on
his padd. He looked so serious that she sat up and said, "You better not
be changing your mind."
He
pulled her to him, gave her a kiss so tender it took her breath away, and said,
"I'm not."
"Then
what are you doing?"
"Well,
I woke up early because sleep is not my friend unless I have chemical
help." He gestured to the covers she'd kicked off. "Sleep is not your
friend either."
"No,
it's not. Did I wake you up by moving around too much. I know I'm hard to sleep
with."
"No,
I woke me up." He pulled her closer, looped his arm around her and she
settled in, still a little astonished at how easy it was to be with him, how
his walls seemed to be completely down——for her, anyway. "Did you have
trouble sleeping as a kid, before you were assimilated?"
"No.
But once I was freed from the collective——well I didn't even sleep the first
few years. I still regenerated, standing up."
"I'm
surprised you didn't need compression socks."
"My
'uniform' was full body compression." God, she'd come to hate that thing
but it had felt comforting at first——and medically necessary. "Did you
sleep well before Wolf?"
He
nodded. "I want you to read this. I want you to understand why I said I
would have picked you even if Janeway hadn't told me I had to. I'm not sure you
believe me."
"I'm
not sure I do either. I love that you're saying it, but I'm not sure I believe
it."
"I
know I make fun of you thinking you're the second coming of JT Kirk, but he was
my hero. I actually put being captain of a starship as a long—term goal when I
was a cadet because I wanted to be like him. That goddamn goal followed me
around in my file until they made me one."
She
laughed.
"But,
back then, I really did want that. The Constance was my first
assignment. I was..." He looked at the padd.
"A
different man?"
He
nodded and handed her the padd.
She
saw it was his officer review from that time. "Ensign Shaw has a sixth
sense for engine issues about to happen."
"You
already know that. Skip to part four."
"Why
was my review so short? There were no parts."
"You
saw the summary for the promotion panel. If you want to see the whole one, I'll
send it to you because you should have seen it and you know that——you did
enough of them. It was glowing but honest about your developmental areas."
"I
do want to see it. Would you have told me you were recommending
promotion?"
"No,
people get butt—hurt if they know they were recommended but not promoted. It's
nicer to be surprised the other way, when you get it."
"Hmmm.
I'm not sure I'll do it that way. I tend to tell them I'll try but can't
guarantee it. I want them to know I believe in them."
"It'll
be your ship. You can do it however the fuck you want. Now read part
four."
She
scrolled down. "It's rare that we talk about the contribution to morale a
single person can have. We focus on skills and growth areas and attitude, but
there is something else, something deeper that some officers have and others
don't. That is the case with Ensign Shaw. He sees what needs to be done, and he
does it. He sees who needs help or encouragement and he gives it. He sees where
the team is weak and builds it up, staying past shift change to help and even
knowing what's going on in other shifts. And he sees what's broken..." She
looked up at him, tears in her eyes. "And he fixes it."
"That's
you. That's who you are. You are all those things." His voice was ragged
and a tear slipped from his eye. "Not me. Not anymore. I didn't give a
shit about regulations back then. I just did what I thought best. I made a
fucking difference. Until I didn't."
"You
kept people safe. There are parents and partners and children who did not have
to see two somber officers walk up to their door to tell them their loved one
was gone. Because of you. So you're not Kirk? So fucking what?"
He
started to say something and she held up her hand. "No. I loved serving
under you. I felt safe and I never fucking feel safe. Not ever. Not since I was
old enough to realize that my parents were leaving me alone on a shuttle while
they studied monsters. I didn't have to look for them under the bed because
they beamed them onto our fucking ship, Liam. I was just a kid and..." She
was crying, way too hard, and he pulled her to him and held her, rocking her as
she wept for something that was so far in the past it was ludicrous to feel
this much still.
When
she finally stopped, she murmured into his chest, "You saw I was broken
and you gave me a home with all the other broken toys." She met his eyes.
"Everyone you hand—picked on your crew has a story."
He
nodded. "They do. I guess it makes sense that you're continuing the
tradition with Jack."
"And
Raffi, to be honest."
"Really?
She's so goddamn cool."
"I
know. But she has her demons too."
"Does
she hate me?"
"No.
She thinks you make me happy. She's utterly confused about why you make me
happy, but she knows you do." She laughed at his expression. "You'll
like her."
"I'm
not on your ship yet."
She
grabbed his padd and dialed Kathryn's home number.
"What
the fuck are you doing?" He tried to get it away from her, but she held
him back easily as she put it on speaker.
"Shaw,
what is it? Is it Seven?"
"This
is Seven. I'm fine, Kathryn."
"Oh.
It says it's Shaw."
"That's
because I'm using his padd. I want him for chief engineer. I don't care who the
preferred candidate is."
"I
see."
There
was a long silence and Liam tried again to take the padd away but she wouldn't
let him. She held up a finger to her lips when it looked like he was about to
say something.
He
actually obeyed her.
"And
if I say no, Seven?"
"Then
I'm going to go work with him somewhere other than Starfleet. He has lots of
companies interested in him. I have tons of skills to offer." Shit, why
hadn't she felt that way when she'd been turned down by Starfleet? She hadn't
had to be a ranger.
Only
back then, maybe she had. Maybe it was all her ego could take after Chakotay
left her and Starfleet said no. And she was who she was now because she'd been
a ranger.
She
glanced at Liam and he was smiling in a way she loved, a look full of pride and
respect and probably general shock at her ballsiness. She told him she could
use words, not just her fists or weapons, to get what she wanted. She'd found
that out on Earth, when the implants were gone.
"I
presume you're there, Shaw?" Kathryn finally asked.
"I
am."
"Is
this what you want?"
"It
is."
"Will
she continue to be using your padd in the future?"
"Yes,
ma'am. Well, actually no because she has her own fucking padd and I don't like
people touching my stuff. But I imagine we'll use them in the same bed."
She
knew her eyes were wide with shock at his ballsiness.
He
shrugged but looked pretty proud of himself.
"Well,
I'm glad the preferred candidate has finally decided what he wants to do. I'll
tell B'Elanna she can close the job notice. I'll see you both in my office
tomorrow to iron out the details. Celia will send you the time once I know my
schedule. Janeway out."
Seven
sat, unsure if she'd just heard what she thought she heard.
"Holy
shit, she played us." Liam started to laugh. "That woman is fucking
terrifying."
She
didn't feel terrified. She just felt joy. Kathryn had done this——for her. For
them. And she was fine with them being together. Seven knew her too well not to
understand what she was saying by asking Liam about shared padds. "On the
plus side, you know who you want for your deputy because I had to do all those
useless interviews."
"That's
another thing I love about you. You can always find the silver lining." He
took his padd back and put it on the nightstand then pulled her down and kissed
her for a very long time. "You're my fucking hero by the way."
"You're
mine. Telling her 'the same bed' was so damn brave. I
love you." She touched his cheek. "I really do love you. That wasn't
just excitement of the moment or something said after an orgasm last
night."
"I
know. I really do love you too."
##
Janeway
sent B'Elanna a text that said, Got him. You can close the notice.
For
real? I'm both excited he'll be on her ship and pissed that you won the bet. So what kind of scotch do you want?
Surprise
me.
Then she signed off and turned to Chakotay.
"I
bow to the superior matchmaker," he said with a grin.
"We'll
have them over for dinner once they're more solid. I'd like to get to know Shaw
better and maybe she'll stop being so weird around you. If you hadn't dated
her..."
"If
I hadn't broken up with her, you mean."
"I
like my version better."
His
look was fond and amused and everything she loved about him. "You always
do, Kathryn."
FIN