DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc and Viacom. The story contents are the creation and property of Djinn and are copyright (c) 2024 by Djinn. This story is Rated R.

Inconvenient Truths

by Djinn

 

1.

 

Seven walked the short distance from the Starfleet Medical waiting room to Shaw's room. She stopped at the door, peeking in through the small window and seeing him asleep.

 

"I wouldn't go in." Ohk, on loan like most of the CMOs were to Starfleet Medical. "Captain Seven of Nine." Her grin was real; she seemed genuinely happy for Seven.

 

"Thank you. He's not okay?"

 

"He is. But they're going to wake him up for tests in a bit and he's going to get really cranky, if I know Liam. Go get some lunch and come back in an hour. He'll be nicer. Not nice but nicer." She smiled gently.

 

"You're coming back to the ship, right?" She had spots to fill but she didn't want CMO to be one of them.

 

"You want me to?"

 

"I really, really do."

 

"Then I'm coming back. Next crisis I want to be helm instead of comms." She laughed in the easy way she always had with Seven. When Shaw had his ass clenched the tightest, Ohk had talked her down from killing him more than once.

 

She was walking to the cafeteria to grab something while she waited when her combadge sounded: "Janeway to Seven."

 

"Seven here."

 

"Can you come up?"

 

"On my way." She frowned, unsure what she might have done to deserve a trip to the head of Fleet Ops. When she got to her office, Kathryn's executive assistant waved her in.

 

"Sit." Kathryn's smile was wide. "You hungry? I'm having lunch brought up."

 

"I could eat. Unless I'm in trouble."

 

"I want to talk about Shaw."

 

"Why? Is he in trouble?"

 

"No, but he's alive and I'm pretty sure that was because of nanoprobes but it's not in any reports. Neither is his official death certificate."

 

"Well, he's not dead so..."

 

Kathryn rolled her eyes then a ping sounded and she looked at the screen. "Does a BLT sound good?"

 

"Yeah, fine. Ohk didn't put anything about his death or the nanoprobes in the reports. Only a few people on the ship even know he was dead. And I trust them not to say anything."

 

Kathryn sighed.

 

"I know it would be a problem if it got out I could bring the dead back to life. You did an admirable job making it look like it only worked for Talaxians after Voyager got home."

 

"Yes, I did. And now you've gone and screwed that up. And for him?"

 

"He didn't deserve to die."

 

"I'm not saying he did. But once dead, did he deserve to be resurrected?"

 

"I thought so. I still do." She might change her mind after she and Shaw talked about it, but right now she felt that way.

 

"How many people know?"

 

"Three: Raffi, Ohk, and Nurse Tachigawa. That's it. Everyone else was told he was just severely wounded."

 

The sandwiches were wheeled in and Seven stopped talking about this and walked to the window, taking in the lovely view. "Nice office, Kathryn."

 

"Wait till you see my next one." There was something in her voice that made Seven turn.

 

She waited until the server had left to ask, "Did they...?"

 

"They did. You're looking at the next Command in Chief."

 

"Well, they couldn't find better." She grinned at her as she walked to the table and sat.

 

Then she realized that there were three plates. "Oh, is someone..."

 

"He's not joining us. He's just going to pick it up and go. So please don't get that look you get when you two have to interact."

 

And then she heard his footsteps. They were once important to her——he was once important to her. Until he left her for the woman sitting next to her.

 

She felt a sinking in her gut. Falling for him had been such a bad choice but not one she'd been in control of. Although she wished she could go back and tell her younger self not to do it the way Kathryn's older self had helped Kathryn.

 

In that Kathryn's world, she and Chakotay had loved each other until she died. They'd been married. It was hard to fathom from this vantage point.

 

He walked in like he meant to eat there but saw her and immediately stopped. "Hi."

 

"Hi."

 

"I told her you were just picking up."

 

"And as always I appreciate you making sure I eat. Seven, you're well?"

 

"I am."

 

"Congratulations on the promotion."

 

"Thank you." She tried to say more but the words wouldn't come. She really had nothing to say to him.

 

"Okay then. I'm off." And he pretty much fled.

 

Kathryn rolled her eyes. "It's been years. Can't you two find a way to form words around each other?"

 

"We did. There were almost a dozen exchanged. You're happy with him?"

 

"Very."

 

"That's good. Now we can move on. When do you take over?"

 

"Tomorrow it'll be announced, and I'll be in place beginning of next week," Kathryn said with a grin. "If you weren't already assigned I'd have a spot here for you."

 

"You should pick Shaw if you're needing someone political. He's smart that way."

 

Kathryn looked skeptical. "I know there's probably some transference going on what with the whole bringing him back to life thing, but I am not having Liam Shaw anywhere around me."

 

"Okay."

 

"You have an opinion about that?"

 

"No. Not really. I haven't even seen him since he died. I'm going down to talk to him after lunch. I'm not sure it will be fun but I have to. He'll have questions about if he's Borg now."

 

Kathryn laughed. "That would show him."

 

"Don't. He didn't ask for what happened to him at Wolf 359."

 

"And neither did you ask to be assimilated. Or any of us who actually met the Borg in the Delta Quadrant. Besides, he wasn't in the fight, he was in an escape pod."

 

"In a battle where eleven thousand people died. Nobody fought for long, Kathryn. They died or they escaped."

 

"You're awfully protective of someone who couldn't be bothered to call you by the name you prefer."

 

"I'm not being protective. I'm just trying to be fair. You're in mother hen mode." She kept her voice even so Kathryn would quit trying to protect her.

 

"Hell, I am, aren't I? Well, forget I said anything then. Let's move on to something different: are you and Raffi back together?"

 

"No. Did you think that was why I wanted her as my first officer?"

 

She nodded.

 

"I want her because she'll be excellent at it."

 

"I can't say anything today without engaging your protective mode. Now who's being the mother hen?"

 

She laughed and decided to concentrate on her sandwich and the potato chips that Kathryn knew were her favorites.

 

Even though she was arguing with Kathryn, it was really nice to finally feel safe and at home.

 

##

 

Shaw had just had the med techs all over him for the six hundredth time when Hansen knocked on the door.

 

She had her new pip on. She walked with confidence. She looked good.

 

He shouldn't even be fucking seeing her, but she looked good. "Close the door. I want to talk about what you did."

 

She took a deep breath and did as he said. No argument? Shit, was he Borg as he'd feared?

 

She pulled a stool over and said, "You're not Borg."

 

"You used nanoprobes."

 

"Yes, but I did it before and the person didn't turn Borg."

 

"Was he human?"

 

"No."

 

"Was he even close to human?"

 

"Define close."

 

"Fucking A, Hansen. Do I have to worry that an assimilation tube is going to pop out of my hand if I get pissed off in a meeting?"

 

She laughed. "No. I'm telling you, it's fine. In a few days, there will be no trace of them when they scan you. In fact if they don't know to look for them now, they won't find them."

 

"You're sure?" She sounded sure but he just wanted to make certain.

 

"I'm sure."

 

"Then I guess I owe you a thank you for bringing me back. Why did you?"

 

"Because I could."

 

"Not good enough, Hansen." He could tell the fact he was using the name she hated was pissing her off some. But how long had it taken her to get her ass down to see him? He'd been in here a while.

 

"Because you were dead due to my actions. I owed you. Now we're even."

 

"I don't owe you anything? We're square?"

 

"Yes. Thank you, by the way, for the recommendation. I never expected to make captain, let alone this fast."

 

"You're welcome." He thought she wanted to say something else but then she looked away and he didn't probe.

 

He really just wanted her to go, now that she'd finally made an appearance. They were good but they were finished. She could take his renamed ship and write her name in the stars. And he would hopefully find a nice position here on Earth. Or wherever. Just nothing involving a captain's chair.

 

He'd done that job to the best of his abilities, but it wasn't where his heart was.

 

##

 

Seven wandered through the madhouse that was Kathryn's party welcoming her to the CINC position. There were her friends from the ship, other captains, former captains during the Frontier Day invasion, and some people she assumed were from Kathryn's past assignments or had to be invited because they were important.

 

It was late and the booze was flowing freely, there were a large number of shot contests going on, and in the corner some rather high ranking officers who'd clearly imbibed from the large pitchers of beer were sliding head first on long tables doing something called Carrier Landings. She'd gotten clear of them before they could make her try.

 

She managed to avoid Chakotay and Shaw while still getting enough to eat and drink and touching base with the people she thought she should as a new captain. Then she was on her way to the exit, happy to go back up to the ship, when Kathryn grabbed her and said in a very slurred voice, "Tell me you have antitox."

 

"Why don't you?"

 

"I used it all to try to out drink Admiral Cain in a blood wine shot challenge. And now I'm beyond drunk." She tripped but Seven kept her upright as she dug out the antitox.

 

"Have I told you how proud I am of you, Seven?"

 

"Yes, Kathryn."

 

"Fuck Liam Shaw. We showed him."

 

She was working on getting the antitox out of the blister pack and stopped to look at her. "Showed him?"

 

"For thinking"——Kathryn punctuated each slurred word with a poke to her sternum——"that just because I made him take you, you wouldn't excel once in place. You did because I know my Seven of Nine." She began to crumple. "Antitox. Now."

 

Seven got it free and stuck it under Kathryn's tongue, then handed her the pack, all the while trying to figure out if Kathryn had just really said what she thought she said.

 

"Oh, you're an angel."

 

"What were you saying?"

 

"About what?" She flinched. "Goddamn blood wine hangover. And I can't remember if I won or lost the shot challenge. Have you had the stuff?"

 

"Yes. My memory is fine after drinking it."

 

"Must be the Borg bits. See, it is useful." She frowned. "Are you all right? You look funny."

 

No, she was definitely not all right. But she smiled and said, "Yes."

 

"Have I told you how proud I am of you?"

 

"Despite...everything?"

 

"Everything?"

 

"Being on Shaw's ship?"

 

"He was a genius for picking you." Kathryn put her hand gently against Seven's cheek then left her alone with her words ringing in her head because Seven's memory was also enhanced by the Borg bits. She remembered what she heard usually word for word if it was a conversation she was invested in.

 

And that definitely had been. Even if Kathryn had forgotten it.

 

But the other party was at this fucking party. She just had to find him.

 

##

 

Shaw was getting another glass of wine when he saw Hansen stomping her way to him. Jesus, she looked like she was out for blood. What now?

 

"Hey, Hansen. You look pissed."

 

"I need to talk to you in private."

 

"No."

 

"It's important."

 

"No."

 

And then he realized her eyes were starting to well up. What the ever loving fuck? He said, "Fine, the patio."

 

They went out, and it was way too cold to stay long, but hopefully whatever this was wouldn't take long. "What's so fucking important?"

 

"Did you have to take me?"

 

Shit. Not the question he'd been expecting. "What braintrust told you that?"

 

"Our new CINC. Right before I gave her my antitox. Blood wine..."

 

He was so taken by surprise he couldn't hide his reaction, couldn't give her a smart answer fast enough. He watched her...crumple before his eyes.

 

But she didn't cry. She just looked lost.

 

He decided to try to manage her disappointment. "It's not the end of the world. Or that unusual. People get direct assigned all the time."

 

"But don't they know if they're being direct assigned? I didn't. I even interviewed with you. I thought I was the best candidate."

 

"Yeah, because I wanted that. For you." He realized his mistake as soon as he saw the rage burning in her eyes.

 

"So you lied to me. All that time?"

 

"Was it a lie? I mean...I just wanted to get us off on the right foot."

 

"Sure you did. That's why you insisted I go by Hansen."

 

"Okay, got me there. Maybe I wanted to pretend I had some control over the situation since our new CINC was telling me to take you and not tell you she told me to. For what it's worth, you impressed me in the interview."

 

"So much that you would only call me Hansen."

 

"Look, I don't think we need to rehash this now. Who cares what I called you? You're in charge and I'm out of your life. My ship is your ship. Let it go, Captain." He could see he was not making it better. Why in the hell was this his problem? He'd have fucking picked Hansen even if he hadn't been told to. Wouldn't have been such a dick about her name either. But he thought the reason she'd constantly challenged him was because she knew she was bulletproof.

 

He kind of liked that instead it was just who she was.

 

"I thought you believed in me."

 

"I did."

 

"No, you had no choice."

 

"The two are not mutually exclusive."

 

"Do not humor me."

 

"Fuck, Hansen, you won, okay? You got the ship, you saved my life, you got your girlfriend on as your fucking first officer. What do you want me to say to make your feelings less hurt?"

 

"She's not my girlfriend anymore. That's not why she's there."

 

News to him. Although he'd watched their interactions during the Picard craziness and they definitely had not had "forever" written all over them. "Okay, fine."

 

"And my feelings are none of your fucking business."

 

"Well, in my defense, you totally just made them mine by pulling me out into this really cold night."

 

"I didn't choose the patio. You did."

 

"I can't win with you. I'm going back in now." He turned to the door.

 

"What else? Did you try to get me transferred off for challenging you? Did she tell you no?"

 

This was getting so fucking old. "Hansen, if I'd had a problem with you, I would have told you. Like I did on the bridge after you chose Picard over me."

 

Her lips pressed together and she pushed past him, knocking him aside as she hurried through the crowd and out the door.

 

"Whatever."

 

##

 

Seven wandered the ship, trying to find a moment that felt real. That Kathryn hadn't manufactured for her.

 

It was days after the party, but it still felt like only a moment ago. She tried to tell herself it didn't matter, that nothing was different, only it was.

 

She'd thought he believed in her, thought she was finally going to be given the chance Starfleet had denied her.

 

But...it wasn't real.

 

Was his promotion recommendation real? Had he been so emotional because he was making it under duress, under orders. That review had been the one thing that kept her from resigning, from heading out to the back of beyond and being a ranger again.

 

And it might not even have been real.

 

She felt the loss of feeling safe like a rock in her stomach. It just hurt, and it made her question everything, every interaction she'd ever had with him, how she'd acted because she thought he believed in her and how he must have hated that. She'd thought she was free to be herself with him the same way she'd been in the interview, and he probably had thought she was just an asshole.

 

Only when she hit engineering did it feel right, like she'd fit there——with him. Everywhere else just felt tainted.

 

She remembered how excited she'd been when she reported. How quickly he'd taken the winds out of her sails by insisting she go by her human name.

 

It had been a fight to get him to never call her Annika. At least she'd managed that.

 

The last person who'd called her that was Bjayzl.

 

She went back up to the bridge, sat next to Raffi but couldn't settle. "I'll be in my ready room."

 

She hurried but Raffi followed her in, then walked to the table, to the shuttle schedule displayed on it. Shit, she shouldn't have left that up.

 

"Planning a trip, 'hon?"

 

"No. Someone asked for route suggestions."

 

"To the back of beyond?"

 

"Not everyone gets to go to Risa."

 

Raffi turned and studied her. "Are you feeling okay?"

 

"Yes, I'm fine."

 

"You're not fine. You're moping."

 

"I'm not moping. This is a lot. My ship, my crew, my...responsibility. It's a lot." She went to her desk. "I have reports to write."

 

"You know you can tell me anything, right?"

 

"Yes, Raffi, I'm well aware of that."

 

Raffi crossed her arms over her chest. "Then why aren't you?"

 

"I'm just a little overwhelmed at the moment. Could you maybe back off?"

 

"Wow, haven't heard that for a while." She didn't look hurt though. More...vindicated. "You know what. I am going to back off because I have a meeting at Command. Forms to fill out. The fun never stops."

 

"No. The fun never fucking stops." She knew her voice sounded light years from fun, didn't even try to pretend she was happy. This woman knew her too well but she was not going to tell her what was wrong. She'd be full of positive things and would try to make her see the bright side.

 

And Seven didn't want to. Not when she felt like everything she understood was crumbling under her like unstable ground.

 

"Do you want anything from down there?"

 

"No. I'm good." It was such a lie and she could tell Raffi knew that, so she made her eyes as calm as she could. "Go. Those forms won't fill themselves out."

 

"I'm gone."

 

##

 

Janeway was enjoying a day with minimal problems——for the CINC anyway——when her assistant popped her head in the door.

 

"Please, no. Just no, Celia. It's been such a good day."

 

"I'm sorry, ma'am. It's Commander Musiker. From the Enterprise. She says it's important."

 

She sighed. Celia had been with her for only a few years and had no way of knowing the history since all the charges against Musiker had been removed after she'd been proven right about the goddamn Romulans——including the stalking charge. "No."

 

"She said it was about Captain Seven of Nine. Said to say, and this is a direct quote: 'We're about to have a runner.'"

 

"Shit. Fine. Send her in."

 

A moment later Musiker was at the door. "I know you know I mean this when I say I'm so sorry to bother you."

 

"But it's her?"

 

"But it's her."

 

She waved her in and said, "Close the door." She could do it herself from her desk, but she liked to give her visitors the perceived power to control their destiny——in this small way anyway. "A runner?"

 

"You know I'm a good profiler. You also, I think, know that I once knew Seven in more than a professional capacity. I'm intimately familiar with her tells——especially since leaving me was sort of her speciality. No offense to her intended, I'm just being clinical here. A good first officer."

 

Janeway found herself relaxing under this analytical approach. Maybe if she'd done this back when Musiker was first hounding her——given her a chance to explain——things would have turned out very different. Mars might not have...

 

But no, because this Musiker was sober and making a cogent argument, and that Musiker had been clearly stoned, possibly drunk, and rambling. If mistakes were made, they were made on both sides.

 

"Go on," she said as gently as she could.

 

"She was doing great. I mean not great—great because she wasn't unaffected by the Borg attack, by losing her captain——and taking that on as her fault——and then bringing him back to life. Do I need to know more about how she did that?"

 

"You do not."

 

"Okay but is he Borg? I mean I was there when Jurati——"

 

"No."

 

"Okay, then." She settled back, seemed to relax a bit at how Janeway was dealing with her. "My point is she was excited about being a captain. And she's going to make such a good one. It was so nice to see her happy and settled. And then she came back from your party and she was off. So down, so withdrawn, so... It's like she's overthinking everything now. She doesn't trust her instincts for anything. Something happened at your party but she won't tell me what."

 

"She was fine when I saw her. Gave me antitox after I'd forgotten it and been dared into a blood wine shot contest. But now that you mention it, she was a little quiet." Janeway closed her eyes. "All the captains were there——the ones who survived."

 

"Including Shaw?"

 

"Including Shaw." She felt anger suffuse her. Was this his revenge for her making him take Seven? Cripple her confidence before she even had a chance? If anyone could do it... "Leave it to me. If it's him, you might just hear he's disappeared."

 

Musiker laughed, not a pleasant one either. Janeway was liking her more and more.

 

"And if it's not him?"

 

"Who else would it be?"

 

"Well, not that I like the asshole, but there are a lot of people who are pissed off at both Jack and Seven who might have been at that party. For nothing more than being assimilated as children——being more Borg than the others who were turned."

 

"Or at conception in Crusher's case." She sighed about that one.

 

"Is that why you're giving him to us with this wacky—ass job description? To protect him?"

 

"Oh, are we now the kind of pals who talk about why I make selection decisions?"

 

Musiker laughed, this time in true amusement. Janeway loved that she wasn't cowed——she'd questioned Seven's wish to have this woman be her first officer, but now...now she could see it. "Come on. I know you expunged the charges, but I was right."

 

"Fine, yes. So I expect you to counter her tendency to over identify with him with some actual discipline."

 

"That will not be a problem."

 

"Thank you, Raffi, for caring for Seven this way. It takes a fine officer to know when to ask for help for a superior——and a friend."

 

"I don't want her to ever be a ranger——or worse——again."

 

"Nor do I. Leave this to me."

 

After Musiker left, she sat for a moment, then slapped her intercom. "Celia, get Captain Shaw up here."

 

"From your tone it's an off the books appointment?"

 

"Damn straight. No excuses on his part will be tolerated."

 

"Yes, ma'am."

 

A little while later she heard a cough at her door. "You wanted to see me?"

 

"Come in, Shaw. Shut the door. Sit down."

 

"Well, damn, Admiral. That's never a good start." But he did what she'd said and chose one of the guest chairs without further comment.

 

"Do you want to tell me what you said to Seven at my party? She's not all right and you're the simplest reason——as a scientist, I'm a big fan of Occam and his razor."

 

"What I said to her? You're the one who can't keep your mouth shut——maybe watch the blood wine intake, Admiral. How that's for a razor?"

 

She knew she was staring at him like he had two heads.

 

"Shit, you don't rem——" He sighed. "At your 'I'm the CINC now so the rest of you can suck it' fest, you were a bit in your cups after that ridiculous shot challenge."

 

"Sometimes ridiculous challenges build teams. Did you or did you not have a chili cook off when you first took command, and did you or did you not end up in sickbay with third degree burns?"

 

"You know about that?" He closed his eyes. "How many people know about that?"

 

"It was legendary. So don't lecture me about blood wine when you can't tell a Carolina Reaper from a jalapeño."

 

"It was in the chili. If someone had handed me one, I'd have said no."

 

"Whatever, Shaw. You said it was what I said."

 

"You told Seven you made me take her."

 

"I didn't." A sick feeling in the pit of her stomach started. The one that only came when she knew she'd really screwed up.

 

"Oh, you did. She confronted me about it after she talked to you."

 

"You confirmed it?"

 

"I wasn't going to lie for you. And she was hurt. I tried to make it better. I doubt I did though. She and I don't have the kind of..." He shook his head. "You know, the thing is, you didn't need to make me take her. If you'd just encouraged her to apply, I'd have interviewed her and I'd have picked her. And then I'd have called her Seven like she wanted because I wouldn't have been so fucking pissed off at you and her."

 

"Why at her?"

 

"I thought she knew. I thought that's where the swagger came from, the second coming of Kirk thing."

 

"That's not the Seven I knew."

 

"No, it's the Ranger you abandoned to her fate."

 

"I didn't abandon her. I threatened to resign."

 

He scoffed. "An empty fucking gesture since she let you off the hook."

 

"How do you know all this?"

 

"She can't hold her tongue when she's in her cups either. I know about her son, too. Do you?"

 

"Of course, I do." But it had been a year and a half after Icheb's death that she'd found out. She'd felt guilty about not fighting harder for Seven and still a bit hurt over Chakotay taking up with her, and it was just easier to not ask about her.

 

"Do you know all of it, though?" His eyes were steely.

 

"What do you mean? He was killed by that woman."

 

"So that's a no." He got up and started to pace. "What's so wrong with her that you thought you needed to take it out on me?"

 

"She may be about to bolt."

 

He turned to her, a confused look on his face. "Why? She has the ship. She'll be great at being a captain."

 

"So you said in your review." A very sloppy review——so full of emotion. "Were you drinking when you made it?"

 

"No. I don't drink when I do officer reviews."

 

"It was a very emotional review."

 

"Yeah, well, sometimes I have a human emotion."

 

She studied him. Thought of how he'd looked in the review as he'd spoken of Seven. How protective he was being now. Captains and first officers could get very close without realizing it. Especially if they were as incendiary as these two had been.

 

"If she knows you had to take her, she might think the review was also something you had to do."

 

"She thinks I don't believe in her?" Again the softness peeking through.

 

She leaned back. "Did you know she threatened to resign before hearing what would be the result of her helping Picard?"

 

He laughed. "Of course she did. What stopped her?"

 

"Watching your review."

 

"Wait, you showed it to her? I thought she just got the transcript." He was turning red. So he did understand how transparently emotional he'd been.

 

"Captain Tuvok showed it to her. After she threatened to resign and before he told her she was being promoted. She was ready to bolt then, too. He told me seeing it...touched her greatly. Settled her down." She relaxed a little. "Please go up to the ship. I think she needs her captain one more time."

 

"And then I'll be free of her?"

 

She made the hand gesture that always seemed to convey an answer in the affirmative without actually saying——or meaning——it.

 

"Fine. Just this one time."

 

She waited until he was gone and texted Musiker: Not him. He's on his way up to help.

 

And then she tried to go back to having a nice day but it was ruined. She commed Chakotay and he answered at once, his face concerned on the terminal because she never bothered him during the day unless she needed her first officer. "What is it?"

 

"I fucked up so bad. With Seven."

 

"On purpose?"

 

"No. But..."

 

"Work it out."

 

"I don't think I can. But I sent her Shaw."

 

He gave the the look she'd only gotten a few times from him. Like something she'd said was truly unintelligible. Usually that was only before she'd had her coffee. "You sent her Liam Shaw? Not some Shaw who's a nice person?"

 

"Trust me. He will help in this case." She hoped. He wasn't known for his charm.

 

But Seven also hadn't left him. She'd been so happy on that ship despite her valid complaints about the name Shaw insisted on calling her. But Janeway had known why he was doing it and hadn't wanted to intervene——had just told Seven to deal with it. To let him get to know her until he called her Seven on his own.

 

She smiled at Chakotay and traced his face on the screen. "I've got a meeting in a few minutes. Thank you for the ear."

 

"Do you want me to go talk to her?"

 

"Chakotay, she runs the other way when you go near her."

 

"It wasn't the best break—up."

 

She gave him the look of "Yeah, shocking" that she'd been doing since he took up with Seven.

 

And abandoned her. At least they'd patched things up and he was her warrior again. She couldn't fix things with Seven and him——or at least not right now.

 

One crisis at a time.

 

##

 

Shaw headed to the transporter room and told the tech to beam him directly to the Enterprise. He was not in the mood to take the spacedock shuttle. And he wanted to catch Hansen by surprise.

 

She was not on the bridge but Musiker was, and she looked way too glad to see him.

 

Fucking A, what was he stepping into if this one was happy he was here?

 

She just pointed to the ready room and he nodded and hurried up the stairs, his feet taking them the way he always used to, and he could tell Hansen heard him coming, knew it was him from the pattern.

 

She leaned back in her chair, crossed her arms over her chest, and lifted an eyebrow at him. Her general air was that he'd brought a stink into the room. Felt like old times, if he was honest.

 

He slapped the control button and the doors closed behind him.

 

"What?" she asked, her tone cold——but a little lost.

 

He wasn't sure he'd have noticed it though if he hadn't been briefed. Their relationship wasn't what you'd call close. "So what's up, Captain Seven of Nine?"

 

"Just call me Hansen."

 

"Wow, that's a change of tune. All this time bitching at me about your name and now...?" He pulled a chair over from the conference table, sat, and put his legs up on his side of the desk. "So, what's wrong?"

 

"Nothing is wrong."

 

"Yeah, well, your buddy Janeway doesn't send out the bat signal if nothing's wrong." He frowned. "Only it wouldn't be a bat for me. What animal would the Shaw signal be?"

 

"A rattlesnake." She said it with zero hesitation.

 

He'd always enjoyed how quick she was in her smart—ass replies. How easily she kept up with him. "Fuck me, Hansen. Seriously? I get the bite part but the rattle?"

 

"Your sarcasm is your rattle."

 

"That's fair." He settled in, just looking at her, in a way guaranteed to make her uncomfortable since she hated when he got quiet and studied her.

 

But she didn't react. She just met his eyes, her own lacking the fire he was used to in them.

 

This approach was not working. He slipped his legs off the desk and scooched the chair in and leaned toward her. "Come on. Tell your former captain what's eating you. I can tell something is and if I can tell then it must be obvi..."

 

"Don't give me that socially awkward bullshit you try on others. You read a room as well as Kathryn does." She stood and walked away from him, standing with her back to him at the view screen. "You used to read me really well too. But not now?"

 

"I still can. You're getting ready to run. Why?" He knew it was probably some ranger trick to make him think she believed he couldn't read her, but he played along because he wanted to get this conversation started so it would be over before he fucking retired.

 

"Of course. Raffi saw what was on my table. Raffi told Janeway." She didn't sound surprised.

 

"Don't know who told her. Just know you're not okay..."

 

"I was okay. I thought I had finally found someplace I belonged."

 

With a sigh, he got up and went to stand next to her at the view screen, watching as the service shuttles zipped around the spacedock. "I think you did. Our relationship notwithstanding."

 

"A relationship that wasn't what I thought." She turned, leaning against the view screen frame as she studied him. "I thought you were giving me a real chance. But you had to take me and you had to write that evaluation."

 

It probably shouldn't surprise him that Janeway was right, that this came down to the eval, but it did. His words really meant that much to Hansen? "I didn't have to do anything."

 

"You had to take me."

 

"I could have said no. I would still be paying for it, but I could have said no."

 

"Okay, but I'm supposed to believe you thought I should be a captain?"

 

"I said it. I also said it when I was telling you how to recognize changelings, but you didn't realize I wasn't lying to you."

 

She gave a bitter laugh that was barely a puff of air. "You did, didn't you?"

 

"I did."

 

"What do you consider sacred? To swear by?"

 

"My momma and deep dish."

 

She laughed and he found himself surprisingly relieved that he could still make her do that. "You swear on those two things you weren't forced to recommend me?"

 

"I swear."

 

"Here's a harder question. You did that evaluation before the mission with Picard. Would you still recommend me?"

 

"Unreservedly."

 

He got the eyebrow again, but it wasn't of disdain, more surprise. He could tell he'd thrown her a little with the answer. "Hansen, like I said, I told you when we were talking about the fucking changelings if you'd only realized it. That was after you betrayed me. I was still saying it, ergo..."

 

She swallowed hard. "I don't know what's real."

 

He could tell she was serious. "Okay, here's what's real. This ship is real and I know you know that because you worked on it enough with me. Those were our best times."

 

"Agreed."

 

"Your crew is real. The bridge crew loves you——that's real too. Crusher, God help you, is real and from what I've heard your new special counselor——whatever the fuck that is. Your ex——and also I think very good friend——is real and a first officer you can trust."

 

"Did you trust me?"

 

"I did."

 

"Do you still?"

 

He nodded.

 

"You have to say that. I brought you back to life."

 

"You did but I could still be a dick about it. And that's something else that's real. I'm real. A real asshole, but I'm real and I'm not here to give you some forced pep talk. I recommended you and yeah, it's worked out swell for you, but it also looks really good for me that I finally found someone that not only didn't leave the first officer post short of tour but actually got promoted to take my place. Way to help me subvert expectations."

 

She laughed again.

 

"If you run, I look like the villain again."

 

"You are the villain."

 

"No, Seven, I'm not."

 

When she looked at him in surprise, he held up his hands and said, "It's time. No more Hansen, not that I think we're going to see each other all that much."

 

"Unless I run."

 

"Oh, I'm not fucking chasing you. You leave this beauty of a ship——even with the stupid new name——and this amazing crew, and you're on your own."

 

"But you came this time. Why?"

 

"The CINC told me to."

 

She shook her head, a small smile threatening. "Why?"

 

"Because Starfleet needs you. And this ship and crew need you." He gave her his gentlest smile. "And you need them. It's a mutual neediness society."

 

She laughed again and said, "Damn it. I hate that you can do that."

 

"Sarcastic humor is my superpower."

 

"That it is."

 

"Can I go now? The bridge gang is going to think I'm being comforting or some such nonsense if we stay in here with the door closed much longer."

 

She nodded.

 

"You're going to be okay? And stay put?"

 

She nodded again.

 

"Good." As he turned, he heard her say, "You taught me a lot, Shaw. I know I didn't act like it, but you did."

 

"Same here only I will never admit that to anyone. See you around, Captain Seven."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2.

 

Janeway heard familiar footsteps and looked up, smiling as Chakotay walked in and came around her desk, his hands settling unerringly on the parts of her shoulders that were so knotted up. "Mmmmm."

 

"I can never sneak up on you. You know my footsteps."

 

"Fortunately. The changeling lacked your cadence. Also your touch." Which was how she got away after shooting it with the phaser she had hidden under her desk——the real Chakotay wouldn't have been so shocked as he fell since he was the one who'd told her to have one set on hard stun just in case when she took the job. "I'm about to send Celia the invite list for the wine tasting. Any additions?"

 

He looked it over and started laughing. "I'll be glad to see Seven——maybe start on rebuilding a friendship. But do I want to know why you're inviting Shaw to the wine tasting?"

 

"He loves wine."

 

"He loves Malbec. According to Picard."

 

"What else does he say about him? Did he notice anything with him and Seven?"

 

"You're seriously asking if Picard logged interpersonal shit?"

 

She laughed. "You're so right." She pulled him around so she could look at him without straining her neck. "Do you think they've had time to miss each other yet? It's been a few months."

 

"Kathryn. You keep saying you don't hate her but then you throw her to Shaw. Again? Really?" He went to erase Shaw's name from the guest list but she stopped him.

 

"He got a look when he talked about her. Very protective for someone who ostensibly can't stand his former exec. She was lost when she thought he didn't believe in her."

 

"She also imprints on her captains. It's the Borg in her."

 

"True. But I know what I'm seeing." She smiled at him, only one side of her mouth going up and he just shook his head and sighed. Then she hit send; Celia would send out the invites in the morning. "I do so enjoy being CINC."

 

"Too much. Far, far too much." He laughed as she hit the button on her desk that closed the door and pulled him down to kiss her. "I actually enjoy you being it too."

 

"Somehow I thought you might."

 

##

 

The selections were amazing but Shaw had no fucking clue why he'd been invited to the CINC's wine tasting. He'd assumed it might be all the captains of the ships who went through the Borg thing the same way the "I'm the CINC now" party had been, but it wasn't——also it was months since Frontier Day.

 

He tried to avoid looking through the window at the wavy blonde hair that shone under the lights of the patio. Seven seemed no more at home here than he did. Less in fact, since she'd been on the patio for a while.

 

He walked out to her, and she didn't turn around, just murmured, "Shaw?"

 

"My reputation preceded me so far into the room?" He laughed at that line he'd used on Picard. He'd practiced so many of them before settling on that.

 

"No, I know your cologne."

 

"Could be someone else wearing it."

 

"You have it made for you. Because you're weird like that."

 

"True." He sighed. "Is it too strong, if you can smell it from there?"

 

"No, it's a Borg thing."

 

"But if it's a Borg thing then you don't know if it's too strong." Shit had he been wearing too much this whole time?

 

"It's fine. Trust me. I'd have heard comments about you being too fragrant."

 

That was true. Okay, he'd quit worrying. "You do understand that during a wine tasting, you actually walk from table to table and, well, taste the wine, right? Standing out here waiting for a waiter or whatever it is you're doing will get you nowhere."

 

She glared at him. "I don't even know why I'm here."

 

"Yeah, well, join the club. Come on. There's some Shiraz I want to try."

 

"You want me to hang out with you? Tasting wine?"

 

"I'm sorry. Did you have someone else to hang out with?" He sipped the little bit of wine remaining in the glass he'd been given to carry around and waited for some smart ass reply.

 

But she only said, "Fine," and led him off in the wrong direction but he decided the Shiraz could wait since she was going to the Malbec table.

 

"I do drink other kinds of wine than this. Just not Chateau Picard, which I might note is not represented at this shindig."

 

She laughed softly. "Let it go."

 

"I've let it go. But the wine still sucks." He checked out the offerings at the table, found a Malbec he'd never tried and asked for that.

 

She held her glass out too. When he shot her a look, she said, "It's been a long week and I don't feel like thinking. You're the Malbec expert so I'll go with what you think is good."

 

He walked them away from the table so other people could get in and said, "The whole idea is to try things you haven't before. This could be swill."

 

"I don't care." She waited for him to try it first though, and he laughed and said, "Sure you don't."

 

He went in for a taste. Not great but not bad. "It's safe."

 

She downed the ounce in one swallow.

 

"Pace yourself."

 

"Why? I'm going to leave as soon as Kathryn won't notice me going."

 

"But then what will I do?"

 

She made a face at him. "I could answer that but..."

 

He laughed. "Come on. Shiraz next."

 

She followed him to that table and he saw Janeway and Chakotay walking toward them. "Company," he said without thinking, the way they used to communicate on a mission. "Three, no four o'clock."

 

"They're at five."

 

"Only because they're walking fast." He turned. "Admiral and Captain. Such a lovely event. I'm thrilled to beans to be here but super unsure how I rated."

 

"What he said."

 

Chakotay laughed. "Wow, you two served together too long."

 

"You're not wrong," they both said at once, and Shaw thought Janeway looked really happy that they did.

 

"You rate because it's good for you both to get to know people. Liam"——Janeway actually took his arm like they were going to go for a stroll or something——"you can meet new people now that you're back and Seven, you can do it before you go."

 

He checked Seven's expression. She wasn't buying it either. He gave her the minuscule head shake they used to use with each other, to tell her not to comment. He did look down at where Janeway had her hand on his arm and said, "Unless you're planning on me courting you, this is weird."

 

"I'd have a problem with that, Kathryn," Chakotay said. "For the record."

 

"Duly noted, darling." She let Shaw go and gave Seven a hug. "How are you?"

 

"Missing bourbon."

 

"You two deserve each other. Surly One and Surly Two. Oh, I see Admiral Cain. I really need to catch her. Enjoy the wine." And she was off.

 

Chakotay however stayed. "So...this is new. The two of you..."

 

"Oh, no, we're just..." She looked at Shaw for help.

 

"Lost souls searching for a familiar face."

 

"I buy that." Chakotay's expression was untroubled——the amount of work it must take to project that much zen...

 

"What wine should we be tasting?" Seven asked him, and Shaw wondered if she meant all three of them or just the two of them——and fuck, why did that even matter?

 

Except she'd dated this guy. Once upon a time. Another story told to him between when too much bourbon had been consumed and antitox was taken.

 

But who cared who she dated?

 

"I'm going to let you two catch up. I see a Bordeaux with my name on it." And he escaped before he had any weirder thoughts about her and her love life.

 

A moment later, Seven was back at his side. "Way to leave me with him."

 

"It didn't seem weird between you two. And you didn't give the alert sign."

 

"No, because he probably knows it."

 

"So he's the awkward ex and Raffi's the parted on good terms ex?"

 

"Kind of."

 

"Okay."

 

"What does that mean?"

 

"It means okay. Jesus, I don't remember wine making you this bitchy." He took a good look at her. "What happened today?"

 

"I made the selection for science officer. I'd been putting it off. Because of..." She held her glass out and when the server asked which wine she'd like to try, said, "Don't care. You pick."

 

"Give her the Chateau Ausone."

 

The server nodded and poured her an ounce. Shaw finished his Shiraz and held out his glass for a taste of the Ausone too. Then they moved away to not block the table.

 

"I know T'Veen is gone. But——" She took a deep, ragged breath.

 

"You gonna cry?" He pitched his voice low. Not judgy. He just wanted to get her back out to the patio if she was.

 

"No. Yes. I don't know."

 

"Way to pin that down." He held his glass out to her. "This is good stuff. Worthy of saying goodbye to T'Veen. She was amazing and gone too soon."

 

"To T'Veen." She didn't throw this ounce back. "This is good. Is this what Picard's is supposed to taste like?"

 

"No, he's doing a Burgundy. But his should taste like a good one of those and it doesn't."

 

She laughed. "Poor Picard."

 

"I'm not toasting to him."

 

"Somehow I knew that." She closed her eyes for a moment. "I should have eaten first. I didn't realize there would be this many choices."

 

"Rookie mistake, Seven."

 

"Next time I'll remember that I have a wine mentor." She sighed. "No real mentor but..."

 

"I was kind of your mentor, right? Before. I mean I still can be. At least for the rules and regulations." He grinned because she used to make so much fun of him for that. "And I'm hungry too. You want to get out of here?"

 

She frowned but nodded.

 

"Kind of giving me a mixed message."

 

"I'm just——this is new."

 

"It's just dinner."

 

"Sure. Yeah. Which we did all the time except that we didn't. Other than the formal ones you threw."

 

"Okay, then go get your own fucking dinner." And he walked off and left her, feeling——fuck, was he hurt?

 

He felt her hand on his arm, a gentle touch, stopping him. "I didn't say no."

 

"Well, you didn't say yes, either."

 

"Yes, fine, dinner, I'm starving. Shit, what is your problem?"

 

Such a good question.

 

Janeway caught them at the door. "Thank you for coming." Her smile was...really fucking weird.

 

"Thanks for inviting us." He steered Seven clear of her and said, "Is she always like that?"

 

"Like what?"

 

"Super self—satisfied."

 

"I find it best not to overanalyze her."

 

"Note to self." He followed her out of the conference room the wine tasting had been set up in and then out of Command. "Do you know where we're going?"

 

"Outside. Then you can take over. I just need..." She stopped. "There's a part of me that still wants to run. I hate that kind of event. What kind of captain will I be if I hate that kind of event?"

 

"I've seen you co—host on our ship. You never let me down. It's totally different when it's your own territory." He smiled gently and she seemed to relax.

 

"I find it disconcerting how easily you can talk me down."

 

"I don't."

 

For a moment they just stood there looking at each other.

 

What the fuck was happening?

 

He broke the gaze. "Since you don't know where we're going, there's a new Cuban diner a few blocks from here. Want to try it?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Do you like Cuban food?"

 

"I don't know." She laughed. "Do you like it?"

 

"Yes. Very much. I'll be your food mentor, too."

 

"Thank you. You always had interesting dinner menus."

 

"Once I got you eating the blue steak."

 

She laughed softly. "I have learned not to question."

 

He burst out laughing.

 

"About food, anyway."

 

"Okay, sure. About food anyway."

 

##

 

Seven walked into the temporary office that Shaw had been assigned and saw him sitting in his chair, swiveling and looking at the ceiling. She couldn't help but laugh. "Wow. Someone's bored."

 

"You walking in is the most interesting thing that's happened all day." He rolled back to the desk.

 

"I thought they had you troubleshooting all the problems with linking the fleet."

 

"They did, and I did it, and I briefed it last week and now I'm just waiting for someone to assign me to something real. I am so fucking bored, you have no idea. And no engines to go play with to make me feel better."

 

"If it makes you feel a tiny bit better, playing with the ones on the ship is not as relaxing without you there."

 

"I don't think anyone has ever called my presence relaxing."

 

"Or mine. Which is probably why we meshed once we shut our mouths and got to work." She pointed to a chair. "May I sit, Liam?"

 

"Yep. So why are you darkening my door? Also, other than laughing at me manifesting my inner twelve—year—old, you look like someone kicked your puppy. Repeatedly."

 

"I've been interviewing engineers."

 

"No one good?"

 

She shook her head.

 

"Wanna share names and get my opinion?"

 

"Will that get you or me in trouble?"

 

"Not if we don't tell anybody. First one. Lay it on me."

 

"Natodo."

 

"Oh, fuck no. He's such a dick."

 

She started to laugh——the cackle laugh she couldn't control. It also generally made him grin, and it did now. "Coming from you, Captain Asshole, that's rich."

 

"I know." His grin ratcheted up. "It's not just that he's unpleasant. But he makes everyone around him wish they could walk out an airlock."

 

"You worked with him?"

 

"For him. Passed him by on the way. Say no to him."

 

"Reason? I can't say my former captain said he was a dick."

 

"Why did you think he was meh?"

 

"His arrogance."

 

"Yeah that too. Okay, I'm going to give you the answer that is right for about eighty percent of any situations in need of an excuse that is nonspecific enough to not be something a person can check, but not so lame as to be obviously a lie. 'We've decided to go in another direction.'"

 

"I like it." She leaned back in the chair and shook her head. "The other was Co'o'da."

 

"They're good. Smart. But...they've been on small ships. Nothing like this. I'd pick them as deputy maybe, but not chief."

 

"My thoughts too." She leaned in. "Why am I only getting two applicants for this? It's the goddamned Enterprise. Is it me? They don't want to work for an ex—Borg?"

 

"That is weird. And no, it can't be you. Give me a sec." He started typing something and a reply was immediate. "B'Elanna says there's a preferred candidate and that has been made known to the more competitive candidates so they don't waste their time."

 

"News to me. Jesus, I hate this bureaucracy shit."

 

"Wait——you don't know who the preferred candidate is?"

 

She shook her head.

 

"Okay that is weird. I guess, maybe karma? You're getting someone assigned to you. But hey, if it's like you for me, then they'll be great. Just don't trust them around Picard or Riker." His grin was so pleased with himself that she had to laugh.

 

"Would you want the position?"

 

"Get back to engines? Follow in the footsteps of Scotty and La Forge and Tucker on the Enterprise? Wow. That would be amazing. And I'd forgive them the name change even." He sighed. "Which means it's never going to happen. I'll be sitting here, in meetings for the rest of my career, wondering if I'll make flag rank and all the while pining for my grease monkey days."

 

"Not for your captain days?"

 

He shook his head. "It wasn't my strength. People's safety weighed on me."

 

"You were an engineer for years. I think that's even more about people's safety. The engines go boom and no more people."

 

"I know but all the minutiae of being in charge, the constant weirdness from Command, the politics, knowing that people were expecting me to know best all the fucking time."

 

"I thought you did it really gracefully." When he gave her a skeptical look, she laughed and said, "When you weren't pissing me off."

 

"There's the truth. And thank you for saying the nice part first." He started to spin around again. "I'm absolutely going to come out of my skin if I have to stay in this room one more minute. You want to go get some coffee or something in the cafeteria?"

 

"Yes. I'm between meetings. Need a caffeine hit."

 

As they walked to the cafeteria, he asked, "Do you want me to see if I can worm the preferred candidate out of B'Elanna. Although she's your friend too. Why don't you ask her?"

 

"If you'd do it, that'd be great."

 

"A lot being said there, Seven. Problems with you and her?"

 

"No. I just...I just wish they'd talk to me about this kind of stuff. Tell me there's a preferred candidate so I should lower my expectations on interviews they're making me do but are probably a monumental waste of my time."

 

"Ah, but this is the weirdness from Command I was talking about. Get used to it."

 

"I'll try. I'm not as patient as you are."

 

"You're not as patient as I was when I was a toddler."

 

She cackled again. Damn him with his stealth humor hits. "Truth probably. You no doubt shit your diaper according to Starfleet defecation protocols."

 

"I knew all the regs about poop." He laughed. "Even talking about poop is more fun than what I'm doing in that office."

 

"I'm sorry."

 

"Yeah, no good death and resurrection goes unpunished, I guess."

 

##

 

Shaw took a deep breath before entering his fourth CINC—sponsored event in a month. He saw Seven at the bar and walked over to her.

 

"This is getting ridiculous," she said, pushing a glass of red wine to him before he even had to order. "Kathryn told me you'd be here."

 

He slid onto the barstool, feeling touched that she'd ordered for him, but then took a drink and nearly spit it out. "God damn it, you didn't."

 

She was laughing so hard that he started laughing too. He didn't think he'd ever seen her so amused. He had to admit, she'd pushed him the Chateau Picard without giving anything away.

 

She motioned the bartender over and he brought a glass of something else.

 

"Is that also Chateau Picard?" He would not put it past her to get him twice.

 

"No, sir. It's Malbec."

 

"Fine. Thank you."

 

"You really thought I'd give you something you hate...twice?"

 

"Yep."

 

She laughed again, but in a more restrained way. "So what do you think Kathryn's doing? I doubt she thinks either of us seriously care about Ulanniac cultural yarnworks."

 

"What? You didn't check out my yarnworks collection when you were in my quarters?"

 

"I suppose it's right next to your knife collection?"

 

"Yep."

 

"I guess I missed that. I'm more into blades than yarn."

 

He turned to see if Kathryn was watching them. She was, so he raised his glass to her and got a nod in return. "I have a theory what she's doing."

 

"Do tell."

 

"So, when she sent me up to make sure you weren't going to run away...?"

 

She nodded.

 

"I may have told her that if she'd just let you apply for the job——encouraged you to but didn't tell me I had to select you——I would have picked you."

 

She looked shocked. "You would have? But the Borg thing?"

 

"Yeah, it was new and different——and a little unnerving. But I could tell you were smart, and you thought fast and you understood engineering. And more importantly, you seemed to be my opposite. That I wasn't going to get a lot of yes with you unless you meant it. You'd challenge me. You'd fill in the gaps in how I lead. And..." He took a sip of his wine. "And I'd have called you by the name you wanted. Because I wouldn't have thought you were an asshole who had a powerful mentor and was willing to use that."

 

"You told her that?"

 

"I did. And maybe she feels bad? Maybe she's trying to give us a do—over on the getting to know you thing?" He studied her expression; she seemed to be considering that. "Is she given to contrition?"

 

"Not in my experience. But...what you're saying makes sense. She may not say she's sorry but she will try to reengineer how things went."

 

"Fix her mistakes, you mean."

 

"She'd have to admit it was a mistake. Reengineering can be done to things that already work."

 

"We already work. As a command team. How much closer does she want us to get?"

 

She didn't seem to be able to meet his eyes.

 

"What?"

 

"Tonight, when she told me you were coming. She may have noted how, uh, handsome you are."

 

"You think I'm handsome?"

 

"No, she does. I just had to listen to her say it."

 

"So you don't think I'm handsome?" He wasn't sure how to feel about that.

 

"I didn't say that either."

 

"It's sort of a yes or no question. Am I or aren't I?"

 

"Fine, yes, you're very handsome. And I'm pretty despite the implants. Can we move on to how we get her to stop?"

 

"I wouldn't say it's despite the implants."

 

"What?"

 

"You're pretty period. But I think they're kind of..." He was about to say "hot." Shit, should he say that to her? She didn't work for him anymore. They were peers.

 

"Kind of what?"

 

"Hot."

 

He got the eyebrow. Of surprise and amusement, he thought. "Hot?"

 

"Yeah, so sue me. But if we want her to stop, we just ask her."

 

"You think that will stop her?"

 

"Once she knows we're on to her, yes." But Seven knew Janeway better. "Won't it?"

 

"I don't know." Her voice sounded off.

 

"Do you not want her to stop? You were the one who brought it up."

 

"Of course I want her to stop. Hanging out with you is not my idea of fun."

 

"Yeah, me either."

 

"Fine."

 

"Fine." He could see her jaw tightening, the way it always used to when he'd really pissed her off. "You're lying, Seven. I'm lying. Why are we lying?"

 

"Because we don't like each other."

 

"I don't know about that. Did it escape your notice that despite threatening you with the fury of Starfleet Security after we escaped Vadic, I didn't give Ro your name. You were not questioned."

 

She turned slowly and stared at him.

 

"I guess it did escape your notice."

 

"I kept waiting to be taken into custody. It was a very shitty day for me. You could have told me so I'd relax."

 

"You'd just betrayed me. Fuck your relaxation."

 

She scoffed, and he realized that sound was really super comforting because it was so familiar.

 

"So are we going to tell her to stop?" he asked.

 

"No. Fine. But drink up. I want to leave before the lecture begins. These people can talk for hours from what I read."

 

"You studied up before you came? You didn't just stride in and plan to play it by ear? I love that, Seven."

 

"I made plans when I was a ranger."

 

"Yes, I'm sure ready, aim, fire is a great plan."

 

"I had other plans than that."

 

"I will admit I've missed the arguing."

 

"Me, too," she said, so softly that if he hadn't been listening for it, he would have missed it. She threw back her bourbon and said, "I'd like Japanese tonight. I love the boxes with all the different things."

 

"Who am I to deny you a bento box?" He finished his wine and said, "My lady? There is an exit just past the lavatories if we want to scoot out the back way."

 

"There's also one down the service entrance."

 

"We're not service."

 

"But there are two ways out. That's what I mean."

 

"Good to know if the bad guys strike, you'll have it under control——even if you couldn't blow the lift."

 

"It takes longer to do that than the lift takes to arrive."

 

"Doesn't matter. You didn't even try."

 

"I should have. Bye bye, you, and I'd have had no annoying urge to save you if you were in bits."

 

"Yeah, right." He grinned at her, the full—mouthed crooked grin, and she rolled her eyes——but her smile was adorable.

 

"Let's get out of here, Liam." She was already off the stool and heading for the exit.

 

He admired the way she covered ground, the almost stomp——except she was leaving him in the dust. "You gonna slow down or are we sprinting to dinner?"

 

"You're in good shape. Hurry it up."

 

She thought he was in good shape. And handsome.

 

The night was looking up.

 

He caught up with her and said, "I've made no progress on the name of the preferred candidate."

 

"Why don't they just make the selection and close the goddamned job notice?"

 

"Because sometimes the preferred candidate has other offers. You don't close the notice until you lock them down. By the way, it says in the notice that there's a preferred candidate. Do you never read them?"

 

"They always change my words to something more bureaucratic. I've given up. And I didn't even know they could put that on the job notice."

 

"Only for O—5s and above."

 

"Still, why would anyone even apply if they know?"

 

"Well, Natado's too arrogant not to think you might pick him anyway. Also possibly desperate."

 

"And Co'o'da? They seemed more attuned to how things work."

 

"Sometimes, you have to apply for things you don't want and aren't ready for to get on the radar for a job you do."

 

"And the deputy job is opening up in a few months."

 

"Bingo. I assume they didn't lie about their qualifications, make it sound like they were a shoe—in for the chief job?"

 

"No, they made it sound like they were a fit for the deputy. Without me realizing it. But now I want them for it."

 

"They're smart. I once did that for a job I wanted that wasn't going to be advertised, just appointed. Applied for a job I definitely did not want but was the chief overseeing the other job, and in the interview talked more about my ideas for the job I wanted than for the job I'd applied for."

 

"You got it?"

 

"I did. It was a really hard job and I spent the first month feeling like I was going to vomit because I felt so over my head, but then I settled in. And I did good. Sometimes you have to play the game."

 

"This is why I need you as my mentor. I don't even know there's a game to play."

 

"That's not a bad thing."

 

"If you say so."

 

##

 

She popped into Shaw's office and found him reading on his padd. "Still bored?"

 

"No, these engineering abstracts are interesting. Oh, you mean in the job I'm supposed to be doing except there's nothing to do? Yes."

 

"Wow, you sound bitchy. You want me to go?"

 

"No, I don't want you to go. I can be bitchy and glad to see you at the same time. You between meetings? Need your caffeine hit?"

 

"I do need caffeine. Have one of those captain—first officer seminars with Raffi."

 

He made snoring noises.

 

"Yes. How come we got to skip those?"

 

"Because I'm more clever at finding really good excuses for not doing it than you are." He got up and walked with her, but he was weirdly quiet and when she glanced at him, he looked off.

 

"Are you all right?"

 

"What? Sure."

 

"Your face says otherwise."

 

"Well, I was going to comm you and then you walked in, and it's that I sort of have tickets to the symphony. They're doing Chopin and it's this weekend and my friend who was going to go with me had to bow out."

 

She frowned. "The symphony here isn't doing Chopin this weekend. It's Mozart." She'd signed up for notifications from the local symphony when the ship went into refits.

 

"It's not here. It's in Zagreb. They're doing Chopin in Zagreb. And it's a pianist mostly, obviously, since it's Chopin, not the whole symphony."

 

"That's nine hours ahead of here."

 

"Mm huh."

 

"You'll be going in the morning to catch an evening performance."

 

"Right. Except we were going to stay over. My friend and I——I mean we both had rooms for the weekend."

 

"You have a friend who likes Chopin that much?"

 

"Yes, but he's not going——because he's busy. At an offsite that was suddenly scheduled. But yeah, he loves Chopin. Like would marry him. If he weren't long dead——he's not into corpses. Okay that wasn't the part that needed to be said out loud. Anyway, I need to find someone who likes Chopin to go with me."

 

"Liam, you're lying. Your pupils are dilated, your forehead is sweating, and you're talking the way you did to Geordi when you first met him. Did you buy the tickets for...us?"

 

"Is it going to piss you off if I say yes? Because if so, then no."

 

"Do I look pissed off?"

 

"I don't know. Honestly, I'm super nervous, and my heart's beating so fast I can hear it in my ears, and my eyes have kind of glazed over."

 

She had to admit she found this version of him completely charming. "Do you need to sit down? There's a bench ahead."

 

"Fuck you. Put me out of my misery. Are you in or not?"

 

"The whole weekend?" That was a big leap——from Kathryn's little parties that they turned into dinner to a weekend.

 

"God damn it. Forget it." He turned on his heel and strode away as she just stood watching him. With a sigh, she went into the cafeteria because she really didn't have that much time, got herself a coffee and him a decaf because clearly he'd had enough caffeine, and grabbed a bunch of cookies on the way out.

 

Then she walked back to his office even though her seminar was in the opposite direction, found him sitting at his desk looking pissed——but his "I'm pissed at myself" look, not at her——and put the decaf and a few of the cookies down. "Yes. Have a good day."

 

"Yes? Yes to the weekend?"

 

"We have two rooms?"

 

"Of course."

 

"Then yes to the weekend. I've never been to Croatia. I've only heard Chopin performed live once and the pianist mangled it. I look forward to hearing one with actual musical aptitude performing it. Have a good day."

 

And she turned on her heel before he could say anything else and hurried to her meeting.

 

Raffi was already there, thumbing through the syllabus. "This looks fun. That's my sarcastic voice in case you were wondering. Ooh, cookies."

 

"Can you cover this weekend?"

 

"Short notice. She better be hot."

 

"He."

 

"He?" She studied her, the way only Raffi could, seeing so much more than Seven wanted to show. "Oh, my God." She started to laugh. "For real? Your dinner partner of choice these days? Shaw?"

 

"Shut up."

 

Raffi shouldn't even know, but she'd wormed it out of her after seeing her and Shaw coming back together to Command from one of their dinners.

 

"Did every other available person die, Seven?"

 

"Shut up."

 

"That is not going to win you points in this captain—first officer seminar. Should I tell the facilitator you just told me to shut up twice before the class even started?"

 

Seven laughed. "Three times. Shut up. And I know. It's weird."

 

"The whole weekend."

 

"Separate rooms."

 

"Where?"

 

"Zagreb."

 

"Well, points for originality." She was laughing again.

 

"Chopin's being performed."

 

Raffi's expression changed. She made a face that usually Seven saw when she was watching cat videos. "Aww, that's so sweet. I mean classical's not my thing, but he obviously knows it's yours."

 

She thought about how he'd played her favorite Chopin piece at the dinner with Picard and Riker. How he'd bucked protocol and had the wrong sized table——no doubt to get Picard and Riker as far away from him as possible——and put her in the guest of honor seat. Also to piss off the other two, but still. "It is sweet. He was such a goof trying to ask me."

 

"Your smile is a nice one. You 'like him' like him?"

 

She shrugged. Did she? "This is Kathryn's fault. And yours ultimately. You went to her——don't bother denying it."

 

"I did, and if you dating him is the price for keeping you here and as mellow as you've been lately, I'll pay it. I want to be your first officer, not first officer for some other yahoo if you run away."

 

"I love you."

 

"I love you too, Sev. Even if you were the world's shittiest girlfriend. Should I warn him?" She was teasing, her tone gentle.

 

"Please don't." Only was that fair? Before she could change her answer, Raffi said, "Don't worry. I won't spoil this for you."

 

"What do I wear to the symphony?"

 

"Something nice."

 

"Like Renee Picard's gala nice?" That was a lovely dress but she hadn't brought it back with her.

 

"Ask him. If he's packing a tux, yes. If he's just taking a suit, then that blue dress you have will work. Or the maroon one."

 

"It's handy that you know my clothes. Then again you were always borrowing them so..."

 

"Oh, like you weren't always borrowing my makeup?"

 

"You have more than I do. I have less clothes than you do."

 

"Details." She laughed softly. "Class is starting. Shut up. Or daydream about your man." She couldn't get "your man" out without a laugh.

 

"Shut up."

 

"Four times. Such a mean captain." She grabbed a cookie and made a big show of paying attention to the admin details.

 

Seven knew where the restrooms were so she ignored the information and assessed how she felt about having said yes to Shaw. Sometimes she was impulsive and then regretted it.

 

She didn't feel any regret.

 

It just seemed like it might be really fun. Because she was enjoying him during their dinners. He was funny and now that he wasn't pissed off at her for being on his ship, he was actually really sweet.

 

And even when he had been pissed off at her for being on his ship, he'd believed in her. And that was something she wouldn't ever take for granted.

 

##

 

Shaw kept peeking over at Seven as they wandered around Zagreb, eating their crepe sandwiches and sipping coffee. They'd gotten in late last night and hadn't had time to look around. But now it was a gorgeous day and they had lots of time before they had to get ready for the concert.

 

She wasn't looking at him as they walked, more interested in the city and not getting hit by one of the streetcars.

 

She even pulled him out of the way of one at one point, laughing and calling him a doofus.

 

"You just can't let me die, can you?"

 

"I guess not. I'd have more elbow room tonight if I did."

 

He laughed and eased her out of the way of a tour of school kids. She pulled him to a bench and finished her food, still not looking at him.

 

"You okay?"

 

"I have a question. But it's a sort of harsh one. I don't want to spoil our morning."

 

He laughed. "Uhhhh. You might as well just ask it at this point."

 

She gave him the eyebrow and he guessed it was for embarrassment or agreement. "We've had dinner together. Now a weekend. That seems like..."

 

"A big ass escalation?"

 

She nodded.

 

"There's a method to my madness."

 

"I'm all ears." She went back to her sandwich.

 

"Dinner has been really fun but we're only together for a few hours. Barely time enough to argue much. And I think we've both been on our best behavior. So...it feels sort of...not us, I guess."

 

She made a noncommittal sound.

 

"I figured a weekend would either show that we're actually enjoying hanging out together or..."

 

"We'd implode?"

 

"Yep."

 

"Also travel shows you who people really are."

 

"Oh my God, yes." He went back to his sandwich. Holy cow it was good. A crepe rolled into a cone with cheese and ham. He'd have to check the replicator for them. Only nothing ever tasted as good as when you ate it in the open air with someone else.

 

"How are we doing then, Liam?"

 

"Shitty. We'll be lucky to get to the concert hall."

 

She laughed. "Yeah, it's pretty tragic. So I guess in a way we are getting the do—over Kathryn might want us to have."

 

"Seems like. I don't mind. When I turn off resentful Liam, you're actually good company." He took a sip of his coffee.

 

"You're still a dick."

 

And snorted his coffee. "Jesus, a little warning."

 

"But I learned under you——stealth sarcasm."

 

"You learned well." He was grinning way more than he did during a work day——his face was going to hurt by the end of the day.

 

"I want to say... I want to say that I'm sorry for the way I handled Picard, not telling you. I wish..."

 

He shook his head.

 

"No? You're not forgiving me?"

 

"No, not that. Just——what's the point of worrying about it? We stopped the big bad. Or you did——I was just lying dead for a good part of the exciting bits."

 

"But no, that's not what I mean. I'm not sorry that I did it. I'm sorry for how I did it."

 

"And I'm sorry I didn't give you a space where you felt comfortable doing it another way. It's on both of us, Seven."

 

"Okay."

 

"Thank you for saying it, though. I sometimes wish I could do it over too. All of it, starting with your name. That was... I was a total asshole and you should have just decked me."

 

"Do I need to quote the reg about striking a fellow officer, let alone a superior one?"

 

"I'm so proud right now."

 

"I learned it on Voyager."

 

"I don't care. Don't spoil my happiness."

 

"Fine."

 

##

 

Seven sat next to Liam in the concert hall, losing herself in the music. The pianist was so skilled, and she closed her eyes and felt Liam shift again.

 

They were in the middle of a row, perfect for sound but not for comfort. Glancing down, she could tell he was trying not to crowd her on the shared arm rest. Trying too hard, so she reached over, took his hand in hers, and pulled his arm up to share the armrest with her. She decided not to let go of his hand.

 

His breathing changed, got fast but then finally relaxed, and she smiled and closed her eyes again.

 

He'd given her this glorious music; he should at least be comfortable listening to it, since she wasn't sure he even liked Chopin that much. He was far more a Vivaldi or Strauss type.

 

As one piece ended, she realized he was now sitting almost frozen, holding her hand really lightly, as if afraid he'd do something wrong so she squeezed his hand and shook it a little. When he looked at her with a question in his eyes, she murmured, "Relax. Please?"

 

He nodded and squeezed back and held her hand more normally, and he didn't let go until the concert was over, until he needed both hands for applause. He leaned in and whispered, "Did you like the pianist this time?"

 

"I loved her. Thank you."

 

"You're welcome." His voice was so gentle, his eyes so soft, that she had to lean into him and kiss his cheek softly.

 

He swallowed visibly. "Relax, right?"

 

"Relax. It's just me." She wasn't in a hurry to go stand in line with the non—moving crowd and could tell he wasn't either, so they just sat there.

 

"It's not just you, though. It's you in that dress in this city holding my hand at a concert I brought you to."

 

"You've seen one pretty dress you've seen them all." But she was pleased because she loved this maroon dress, how it set off her hair and eyes.

 

"The dress is really nice but it's you that makes it pretty. Not the other way around."

 

"Oh, now you're trying to be charming. I am in so much trouble." She laughed but not the cackle, not here.

 

"How am I doing?"

 

"Pretty well, actually. I'm shocked." She grinned at the lopsided smile he gave her, the one he tried to hold back usually.

 

"Oh and you just kissed me."

 

"On the cheek. Nothing to write home about."

 

"Maybe I'm an easy grader."

 

"I seriously doubt that." The crowd was thinning out so she stood and followed him to the aisle. "Can we walk for a while before we go back to the hotel?"

 

"We can walk all night if you want."

 

"Really?"

 

He nodded. "Anything you want."

 

She could feel doubt creeping in. Not about him, but about how far they could take this. Was it even smart? "I'm leaving soon."

 

"Zagreb?" He looked utterly confused.

 

She realized he had not followed the conversational u—turn she'd just pulled. "No, on the ship. How long do we really want to walk?"

 

He studied her. "Do you have orders you can't tell me about? To some other quadrant?"

 

"No."

 

"Is there someone else taking you to concerts in cool new places on the weekends?"

 

She laughed. "No."

 

"Then what's the harm in walking as long and as far as we want? Even if later it's walking via comms?"

 

She was the one who swallowed visibly this time. "I'm feeling things. For...you." She laughed at the amount of horror she'd just put in that. "I mean——"

 

"I know what you mean. I'm right there with you. Feeling things and wondering how the hell this happened. To us."

 

They followed the crowd up the stairs in silence, but then he murmured, "I may be leaving Starfleet."

 

She turned to him in alarm.

 

"I still don't have a job, Seven. I mean...I fucking died and they can't find me anything? Not even in some out of the way corner if they really hate me that much?"

 

"They can't hate you. You've got the best safety record in the fleet. The crew love you. They want to throw you a goodbye party since you were beamed off to Medical before anyone could."

 

"For real?"

 

She nodded. "What the fuck is Starfleet's problem?"

 

"I don't know. But I put my name in for the retirement transition program. There are so many companies that have already contacted me. Gotta say it sure helped my wounded pride."

 

"But you can't be my mentor if you're in private industry."

 

"Seven, you don't need me as a mentor. Find some high flyer and hitch your wagon to a real star."

 

"I did that. She stole me from the collective and then abandoned me when her collective rejected me." She hated the pain that came up when she thought of that, how running to the rangers had been her only good choice. Her only way to make a difference her way.

 

He pulled her to him and kissed her forehead. "You're going to be fine. In a year, you won't even remember why you wanted me for a mentor."

 

"Bullshit."

 

They made it outside and he held his hand out. "Let's walk. I liked holding your hand."

 

Only he'd moved so this time he'd be holding her left hand, the one with the implant, and she frowned and looked at him.

 

He leaned in so he could grab her hand and said, "I don't care which one I hold."

 

"Sure?"

 

"Positive. Also, I'm not going to try to seduce you, if that helps."

 

"Ever?"

 

He laughed——probably at how pissed she'd sounded when she asked that.

 

"Well..."

 

"What if I tried to seduce you?"

 

"I'd just be another bed partner, I think. We're not there yet. Or we are if that's all we want. One night."

 

"You want more?"

 

"I do. Well, unless you suck in bed. Then I don't."

 

She did cackle at that. "Dick."

 

"Yeah, right back at you, Seven."

 

##

 

After hours of just wandering Zagreb with Seven, Shaw was back in his room, in boxers and a tank, just drifting off to sleep when there was a loud knock on his door.

 

"Don't come," he said without thinking about how these were real fucking doors not the ones in his quarters.

 

Although it was Seven doing the knocking. He could somehow tell.

 

He got up and opened the door. "If you're all right and knocking like a mad woman, we're going to have a problem."

 

"Whatever." She pushed him aside——holy shit she was strong——and barreled into his room. She was wearing a cropped tank and super short shorts and he wasn't sure on the underwear part. Her hair was messed though, like she'd come right from trying to sleep and not gussied up on some "Let's have sex right now after all" mission.

 

"Seven...what the fuck?"

 

"I want you."

 

So maybe this was how she seduced——looking like she'd tossed and turned for a bit first. She'd look good however she did it.

 

"We said——"

 

"Not like that. I'm sick of interviewing people I don't want for my chief engineer when you're fucking retiring and available. I'm sick of not knowing who their goddamned preferred candidate is. I want you to be my chief engineer."

 

"It doesn't work that way."

 

"Why not?"

 

"Because it just doesn't." He sighed and walked to the window, staring out at the narrow street below. "I'm done with ships."

 

"Because why? In my book——the one you said would be great——you're not."

 

He sighed, loudly enough that she'd catch it.

 

She joined him at the window. "Do you not want to be on a ship anymore?"

 

"I didn't say that."

 

"Is it because of the name change?" Her voice was low and lost and he was having trouble not reaching out for her.

 

"No."

 

"Is it me? You don't want to work with me again."

 

"For you, you mean. And no, it's not that. It's just——you can't make your own rules."

 

"Why not? The rules I break were maybe broken to begin with. Isn't that what you said?"

 

"We can't do this——whatever this is——on the ship."

 

"Why not? My ship, not yours. If I want to risk it... Unless you don't. Unless I'm not worth risking things for. And if that's the case, if you really do want to retire or wait it out to see if you make admiral, then I understand and I'll go away and I'll take whoever they give me and forget that it could have been you. On your ship with your engines with the crew you adore——and with me."

 

God damn it——he was tearing up. "Stop it, Hansen."

 

"You can't hurt me with that name anymore. But you're trying to. Why? Why don't you want this? You're bored shitless. We could have this. And you'd be there, to make sure I did things right. That I kept everyone safe the way you did."

 

He closed his eyes. It was unfair of her to use these things against him. Things he wanted so fucking much he could taste it. Engines and the kids he was mentoring before he died and was shipped off. His friends. The adventure without having to be captain.

 

And her.

 

"If I weren't on the ship would you do it?" She was standing too close to him. He could smell her perfume and it hit him like it always did, how it smelled different on her than on anyone else. "Is it me?"

 

He pulled her to him, kissing her the way he'd been thinking of all weekend——and many times before. Hating her hadn't meant he didn't want her. Resenting her didn't stop the attraction.

 

Maybe the reverse.

 

She held on tightly and he hiked her up and she wrapped herself around him, in no doubt at this point how fucking much he wanted her. "I want you with me, Liam. I don't understand why we work, but we do. And we did even when we detested each other. I trusted you."

 

"And I trusted you. Look, if you just want to not wait for sex, we can do it here. We can do it again and again if that's what you want once we get back to the city. Until you ship out and then, we'll see how it works long distance. But they aren't going to let me be chief engineer on the flagship, Seven. Not when they have a fucking preferred candidate."

 

She kissed him almost viciously. "What if I make them?"

 

"You can't."

 

Suddenly she was fighting him and he let her go. "You're a fucking coward, Liam." She looked so betrayed.

 

"Me being a fucking coward is news to no one, Seven. Can I please get some sleep. You said I was moving fast? Look at you."

 

"Maybe because life is short and we're not young and you died once already. Maybe I don't want to be without you. Maybe you don't want to be without me."

 

"Maybe you should go to bed." The forlorn look she gave him nearly broke him.

 

"In my room? Or here?"

 

He could only see her pressing this if she stayed in his room, trying to get him to see this her way. But it wouldn't work. Someone would be her Seven of Nine, her "you've got to take the person" candidate. Starfleet wouldn't give a good goddamn if he wanted to be back on his ship, that he would give anything to be with those engines and that crew——even if he and Seven failed spectacularly in the romance department.

 

They'd work together well, and he knew it even if they weren't compatible romantically. She didn't have to sell him on that idea.

 

But she couldn't thumb her nose at how things worked. Had she been this rebellious as a drone? Or later, when she was freed?

 

"Which fucking room, Liam?"

 

"Yours. Goodnight. I'll see you at breakfast like we planned."

 

"No, you won't. I'm going to pack and I'm going to go home. To the ship you should be on but won't even try." And she turned and he let her get to the door before he said, "Don't go. Please?"

 

"I'll have to go eventually. What difference does it make if it's now or later?" And she opened the door and was gone.

 

He sat on his bed, sleep a distant memory, and realized his tremor was back. It hadn't bothered him since he died. Why now?

 

Before he could overthink it, he was out the door and down the hall, pounding on her door. She opened the door and he pushed her back, kicking the door closed behind him.

 

He held up his hand. Stared at it, the way it was no longer trembling. Then very slowly he said, "I'm not a coward."

 

She was staring at him. "You're not. You never were."

 

"I just... I gave up on dreams a long time ago. Maybe at Wolf. I don't know. But if I let you try, if I start hoping... It's better not to. It's like Schroedinger's future. If I don't ever ask for much, I won't get told no. I won't find out how little I mean to Starfleet."

 

"I already know how little I mean. Let's be outcasts together." She moved to him, pushed him hard against the door. "Let me try to get you on our ship."

 

He thought she was going to kiss him, viciously by the look of it, but she didn't move, just waited for his answer.

 

"Okay," he said, and he felt something untangle within him. He'd grown up on fairy tales his mother had loved and told him. Thorns encircling things was a common theme. It was easy to imagine his heart was similarly encased.

 

That he was the lost soul in the tower. Sleepwalking his way through life since the Constance. Waiting for his princess to come find him. To save him.

 

Only he didn't get a princess. He got a motherfucking queen. "Okay, Seven." And he pulled her to him and kissed her almost viciously and she responded in kind and pushed him to the bed, stripping off his clothes as he returned the favor.

 

Their first time was violent but not dangerous, it was a firestorm but consumed nothing except the chains he'd felt for so long.

 

It was amazing and deep and when he was inside her, when she stared up at him and smiled in a "Look what's happening" way, he smiled back in the same way.

 

"I fucking love you. And it scares the shit out of me." He buried his head in her neck as he came, calling out into her hair.

 

"I know," she whispered back. "I'm terrified too. But...this isn't new for me. Feeling this way for you. I've been falling for a while now. It's why I couldn't let you die."

 

"I did die."

 

"Stay dead then."

 

He rolled to his back and pulled her with him, kissing her, running his hands everywhere, finding out where she liked to be touched and how. Not for arousal but for comfort, for connection, for communion. "I'm glad you didn't let me. I'd have missed doing this. And this is..."

 

"Extraordinary." She smiled shyly, and it charmed him how she could go from such a fierce lover to this sweet and caring——and damaged like him——woman. "You have to help me brainstorm. We need a plan. You know how things work. I know how to make people change their minds."

 

"You can't beat up B'Elanna."

 

"I can use words too to change minds given the right motivation." She laughed throatily and whispered in his ear, "Or you could be remembered as being the captain who let two legends die..."

 

"Do not go there."

 

Her laugh was glorious. "But I can do it——I moved you. You ran the ship into a fucking tractor beam. I would never, ever have had the balls to do that."

 

He did do that. Jesus, that had felt...satisfying. Terrifying but really fucking satisfying. "Fine, we'll brainstorm in the morning."

 

"And make love. I want to do so many things to you and with you and for you."

 

He smoothed her hair back, entranced by how silky it was. "We have time."

 

"Sure. Until we don't. I'm done waiting for the perfect moment. Life can be short. Seize the day." She seized a particular part of him and he groaned. "Back in the Delta Quadrant, I saved someone with nanoprobes. He told me——and I didn't really want to hear this——that his refractory period was considerably shortened."

 

"Did you test that?"

 

She made a face. "No. I just took his word for it. But what I'm saying is..." She began to play for real. "I'm guessing you haven't been fucking anyone to find out?"

 

"I hate that you're right." Her hand was doing wonders. He didn't hate that.

 

"Were you waiting for me?"

 

"If anyone had asked me if I thought you and I would share a meal, much less a bed, I would have said they were crazy."

 

She tightened her grip. "Were you waiting for me, Liam?"

 

"Maybe. I don't honestly know."

 

"That's a good answer. I'm not sure either. But I knew we weren't finished."

 

"Yeah. I think you're right."

 

"Do you want to keep talking or should I put my mouth to better use?"

 

"Well, technically you doing that doesn't impact my ability to talk."

 

"It will if I do it right."

 

He laughed. Damn she was fun. "Okay then. Let's see what you've got."

 

He wasn't able to form words for a good five minutes after she was done.

 

##

 

She woke before the sun was up to find him sitting up in bed reading something on his padd. He looked so serious that she sat up and said, "You better not be changing your mind."

 

He pulled her to him, gave her a kiss so tender it took her breath away, and said, "I'm not."

 

"Then what are you doing?"

 

"Well, I woke up early because sleep is not my friend unless I have chemical help." He gestured to the covers she'd kicked off. "Sleep is not your friend either."

 

"No, it's not. Did I wake you up by moving around too much. I know I'm hard to sleep with."

 

"No, I woke me up." He pulled her closer, looped his arm around her and she settled in, still a little astonished at how easy it was to be with him, how his walls seemed to be completely down——for her, anyway. "Did you have trouble sleeping as a kid, before you were assimilated?"

 

"No. But once I was freed from the collective——well I didn't even sleep the first few years. I still regenerated, standing up."

 

"I'm surprised you didn't need compression socks."

 

"My 'uniform' was full body compression." God, she'd come to hate that thing but it had felt comforting at first——and medically necessary. "Did you sleep well before Wolf?"

 

He nodded. "I want you to read this. I want you to understand why I said I would have picked you even if Janeway hadn't told me I had to. I'm not sure you believe me."

 

"I'm not sure I do either. I love that you're saying it, but I'm not sure I believe it."

 

"I know I make fun of you thinking you're the second coming of JT Kirk, but he was my hero. I actually put being captain of a starship as a long—term goal when I was a cadet because I wanted to be like him. That goddamn goal followed me around in my file until they made me one."

 

She laughed.

 

"But, back then, I really did want that. The Constance was my first assignment. I was..." He looked at the padd.

 

"A different man?"

 

He nodded and handed her the padd.

 

She saw it was his officer review from that time. "Ensign Shaw has a sixth sense for engine issues about to happen."

 

"You already know that. Skip to part four."

 

"Why was my review so short? There were no parts."

 

"You saw the summary for the promotion panel. If you want to see the whole one, I'll send it to you because you should have seen it and you know that——you did enough of them. It was glowing but honest about your developmental areas."

 

"I do want to see it. Would you have told me you were recommending promotion?"

 

"No, people get butt—hurt if they know they were recommended but not promoted. It's nicer to be surprised the other way, when you get it."

 

"Hmmm. I'm not sure I'll do it that way. I tend to tell them I'll try but can't guarantee it. I want them to know I believe in them."

 

"It'll be your ship. You can do it however the fuck you want. Now read part four."

 

She scrolled down. "It's rare that we talk about the contribution to morale a single person can have. We focus on skills and growth areas and attitude, but there is something else, something deeper that some officers have and others don't. That is the case with Ensign Shaw. He sees what needs to be done, and he does it. He sees who needs help or encouragement and he gives it. He sees where the team is weak and builds it up, staying past shift change to help and even knowing what's going on in other shifts. And he sees what's broken..." She looked up at him, tears in her eyes. "And he fixes it."

 

"That's you. That's who you are. You are all those things." His voice was ragged and a tear slipped from his eye. "Not me. Not anymore. I didn't give a shit about regulations back then. I just did what I thought best. I made a fucking difference. Until I didn't."

 

"You kept people safe. There are parents and partners and children who did not have to see two somber officers walk up to their door to tell them their loved one was gone. Because of you. So you're not Kirk? So fucking what?"

 

He started to say something and she held up her hand. "No. I loved serving under you. I felt safe and I never fucking feel safe. Not ever. Not since I was old enough to realize that my parents were leaving me alone on a shuttle while they studied monsters. I didn't have to look for them under the bed because they beamed them onto our fucking ship, Liam. I was just a kid and..." She was crying, way too hard, and he pulled her to him and held her, rocking her as she wept for something that was so far in the past it was ludicrous to feel this much still.

 

When she finally stopped, she murmured into his chest, "You saw I was broken and you gave me a home with all the other broken toys." She met his eyes. "Everyone you hand—picked on your crew has a story."

 

He nodded. "They do. I guess it makes sense that you're continuing the tradition with Jack."

 

"And Raffi, to be honest."

 

"Really? She's so goddamn cool."

 

"I know. But she has her demons too."

 

"Does she hate me?"

 

"No. She thinks you make me happy. She's utterly confused about why you make me happy, but she knows you do." She laughed at his expression. "You'll like her."

 

"I'm not on your ship yet."

 

She grabbed his padd and dialed Kathryn's home number.

 

"What the fuck are you doing?" He tried to get it away from her, but she held him back easily as she put it on speaker.

 

"Shaw, what is it? Is it Seven?"

 

"This is Seven. I'm fine, Kathryn."

 

"Oh. It says it's Shaw."

 

"That's because I'm using his padd. I want him for chief engineer. I don't care who the preferred candidate is."

 

"I see."

 

There was a long silence and Liam tried again to take the padd away but she wouldn't let him. She held up a finger to her lips when it looked like he was about to say something.

 

He actually obeyed her.

 

"And if I say no, Seven?"

 

"Then I'm going to go work with him somewhere other than Starfleet. He has lots of companies interested in him. I have tons of skills to offer." Shit, why hadn't she felt that way when she'd been turned down by Starfleet? She hadn't had to be a ranger.

 

Only back then, maybe she had. Maybe it was all her ego could take after Chakotay left her and Starfleet said no. And she was who she was now because she'd been a ranger.

 

She glanced at Liam and he was smiling in a way she loved, a look full of pride and respect and probably general shock at her ballsiness. She told him she could use words, not just her fists or weapons, to get what she wanted. She'd found that out on Earth, when the implants were gone.

 

"I presume you're there, Shaw?" Kathryn finally asked.

 

"I am."

 

"Is this what you want?"

 

"It is."

 

"Will she continue to be using your padd in the future?"

 

"Yes, ma'am. Well, actually no because she has her own fucking padd and I don't like people touching my stuff. But I imagine we'll use them in the same bed."

 

She knew her eyes were wide with shock at his ballsiness.

 

He shrugged but looked pretty proud of himself.

 

"Well, I'm glad the preferred candidate has finally decided what he wants to do. I'll tell B'Elanna she can close the job notice. I'll see you both in my office tomorrow to iron out the details. Celia will send you the time once I know my schedule. Janeway out."

 

Seven sat, unsure if she'd just heard what she thought she heard.

 

"Holy shit, she played us." Liam started to laugh. "That woman is fucking terrifying."

 

She didn't feel terrified. She just felt joy. Kathryn had done this——for her. For them. And she was fine with them being together. Seven knew her too well not to understand what she was saying by asking Liam about shared padds. "On the plus side, you know who you want for your deputy because I had to do all those useless interviews."

 

"That's another thing I love about you. You can always find the silver lining." He took his padd back and put it on the nightstand then pulled her down and kissed her for a very long time. "You're my fucking hero by the way."

 

"You're mine. Telling her 'the same bed' was so damn brave. I love you." She touched his cheek. "I really do love you. That wasn't just excitement of the moment or something said after an orgasm last night."

 

"I know. I really do love you too."

 

##

 

Janeway sent B'Elanna a text that said, Got him. You can close the notice.

 

For real? I'm both excited he'll be on her ship and pissed that you won the bet. So what kind of scotch do you want?

 

Surprise me. Then she signed off and turned to Chakotay.

 

"I bow to the superior matchmaker," he said with a grin.

 

"We'll have them over for dinner once they're more solid. I'd like to get to know Shaw better and maybe she'll stop being so weird around you. If you hadn't dated her..."

 

"If I hadn't broken up with her, you mean."

 

"I like my version better."

 

His look was fond and amused and everything she loved about him. "You always do, Kathryn."

 

FIN