DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters
are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc and Viacom. The story contents are the
creation and property of Djinn and are copyright (c) 2023 by Djinn. This story
is Rated PG-13.
Life After
by Djinn
The
officers' club was nearly empty, but then it was two in the morning on a
weekday. Shaw walked over to the bar, ordered a glass of Malbec, and walked to
one of the tables that looked out on the water.
During
regular hours, these tables were never free so he slouched down and enjoyed the
view while he had it.
He
wondered how Hansen was doing on his ship. Only his ship was gone—she had the Enterprise
and that felt right to him. He'd be the last real captain of the Titan.
Let Hansen be recorded instead in the storied history of ships named Enterprise.
She'd more than earned it.
He
supposed he should get used to calling her Seven in his head but two years of
referring to her as Hansen was going to be a hard habit to break.
Then
again, did he really need to? He'd given her his ship and the recommendation
for captaincy, and she'd given him nanoprobes that had brought him back to
life. It was a fair trade no matter what they called each other.
He
kind of missed her. He doubted that she missed him, not with Raffi at her side—and
possibly in her bed. He wasn't sure they were together, but he was certain that
if Hansen wanted her first officer to also be her lover, it would happen—regulations
be damned. And she had Crusher there to make her laugh in ways he never would
have Shaw. And she had the crew there to make sure everyone stayed safe and the
ship flew true.
And
he was in engineering again. It was why he was here so late. Working with line
engineers on ways to prevent what happened with the Borg virus from ever
happening again.
He
was making the Fleet safer. Not from the Borg, perhaps, but from the next big
threat. And there always was one.
And
it was heaven. Being a captain had been wearing. This...this was like falling
off a log only without the uncomfortable crash into water or less forgiving
ground at the end.
It
felt good. He felt good.
Only...it
was a little lonely. He was used to having people around. It was why he'd come
to the club instead of going straight home to bed. Hoping for company—but
obviously at the wrong time.
He
took a look around the club, to see who the other night owls were, and saw
Admiral Janeway looking back at him from one of the other tables by the window.
Kathryn
had to be here? Fuck.
He
held up his glass to her without a smile, then turned back to the view.
A
moment later she was sitting in the chair next to him. "Liam."
"Kathryn."
"It's
been a while."
"It's
been three days." Their meet and greet had been brief and cordial.
"That
was business. This isn't."
"Oh,
you mean since we had anything personal? Yeah, it's been a while." He
tried to keep the bitterness out of his voice. His track record with women from
Voyager was pretty iffy.
Although
B'Elanna was a great boss. So maybe it was just
Hansen and this woman.
This
force of nature.
Who
had ended up in his bed after one rather raucous winter holiday party and left
an indelible impression.
He
clearly hadn't.
"How's
Seven?" she asked softly.
"Thriving,
one presumes."
"You're
not in contact with her?"
Did
having her blood running through his veins count? He preferred to think of it
as a simple transfusion rather than an injection of Borg tech. "Not
really. She's"—he made the gesture for "up there" with his
hands.
"Do
you wish you were still with her?"
"I
like my new job."
"That's
not what I asked, Admiral."
He
smiled. He liked his new rank too. "If I were to be with her, that would
mean I was on the ship. Being captain was a privilege and I'm glad I did it.
But I'm an engineer at heart. This is where I thrive. She was born to be in the
center seat." And he truly believed that. Or he'd have never recommended
her for captain.
"Good
to hear."
"It's
nice that you still are concerned with a member of your crew."
"I
didn't mean it was good to hear about her. I meant it was good to hear you're
not pining for her."
"Well,
technically, I didn't say that." He grinned at her. This is how the whole
hook-up at the party happened—their ability to banter as if it was ping-pong
played by two particularly vicious competitors.
"No,
I guess you didn't. Are you?"
"Yes,
that's why I'm here drowning my sorrows in my beer."
"Your
beer is wine."
"My
beer-wine."
She
laughed. "You're not in love with her? I'd heard rumors?"
"Well,
if anyone is an expert on how to be in love with one's first officer...?"
"Ouch."
She waved a server over and said, "Get us another round, Calvin?"
Of
course
she knew all the servers by name, and let a brilliant smile follow her command.
He
waited for the man to be well clear of their table before asking, "So
you're saying you're not in love with Chakotay?"
"I'm
saying we gave it the college try and it didn't work. But,
and I think it's important for you to hear this, that was well after you and I
had our...encounter."
"Meaning...?"
"Meaning
the Janeway of now wouldn't have left in the morning without saying
goodbye."
"Well it certainly made any expectations I might have had
die. But then so would a glass of ice water to the face, which might have been
kinder." He didn't give her a smile to let her off the hook.
He'd
woken up to find her gone. No note. No comms after.
"Back
then, I thought eventually I'd get him back. So I used
people who seemed fun and amenable to a night of pleasure. You were one of them—but
I...felt something with you and it frankly terrified
me. And I had the feeling you felt something too."
She
wasn't wrong.
"Of
all the people I used, you're the one I regret having done it to."
"How
many times have you pulled out that line? Sounds rehearsed." He smiled at
the server who put down a fresh round, mostly so Kathryn could see he was
capable of the expression, just not for her.
"Yes,
well, I've thought of what I might do once you were back here."
"Is
this about Hansen and Chakotay? Some weird revenge thing? Because I was never
with her and I'm pretty sure she's not into me." He was being deliberately
vague. He wasn't going to out Hansen's relationship with Raffi to the head of
fleet ops if Kathryn didn't already know about it. "Or are you trying to
make Chakotay jealous? Is he due in here at any moment?"
"Wow,
you don't think much of me." She leaned back, appearing unconcerned
despite her words. "I can understand that."
They
drank in silence for a moment. Then she said, "You had just taken the
center seat of the Titan and I was in fleet ops. What happened was rife
with conflicts of interest and I liked you—I respected you. I didn't want
anyone to think you were getting ahead by having slept with me."
"Okay,
sure. Thanks then." If what she was saying was true, then maybe it made
sense. If you also coupled it with him never having been the one
she wanted to be in bed with in the first place. He wasn't sure he bought that
she'd had any kind of feelings for him, though. "So
you and Chakotay? Why'd it fizzle?"
"I'm
not sure I want to tell you. I'm not sure I see the point." She glanced at
him, her mouth going up in the one-sided way that he found alluring and
infuriating at the same time.
"Humor
me."
"I
will if you answer one question. Are you in love with Seven of Nine?"
"No."
He might have been in love with Annika Hansen, but she didn't actually exist.
And it was a harmless infatuation because he never slept with people on his
crew. And even if he did, she was so new to Starfleet he would never have
saddled her with that innuendo.
She
laughed. "Nothing more to add?"
"No."
"Fine.
He and I fizzled because we're too different. He's gentle, even though he was
the Maquis, and I go for the jugular, even though I was the quintessential
Starfleet officer. Once the initial passion wore off—and it did take awhile—we were left with that. We fought differently. We
went after things differently. I hurt him. He stewed rather than giving it
right back." She stopped and took a drink. "I'm being very honest
with you."
"I
believe you."
"Do
you like that I am."
"Yeah,
it's just dandy." He sighed. What did she want him to say?
"So,
would you like to get dinner with me some night?"
All
he could remember was waking up, reaching for her because he definitely had
felt something that night. Reaching for her, hoping to rekindle the connection—and
finding no one.
"Liam?"
"No."
He took a last sip of wine and rose. "I'll get the bill."
"It's
okay. I inflicted my presence on you. Only fair that I do it."
"Yeah,
actually, it is. Goodnight, Kathryn."
"Goodnight,
Liam."
##
Janeway
sat in the auditorium with Tom Paris for the mandatory ethics refresher.
"Holy
God, do they make this more boring every year?" Tom asked as he shifted in
his seat.
"We
have to set a good example."
They
were talking in the near sub-vocal level they had perfected over the years.
He'd had one assignment away from her when they first got back to the Alpha
Quadrant, but had been her exec the rest of the time, rising as she did.
She
knew there were rumors. The rumors were wrong and as long as B'Elanna knew that, she didn't pay them much mind.
"Setting
a good example would have been us sitting in the front," he said.
"We
don't have to set that good an example." She smiled and glanced down and
over, where Shaw was sitting.
Tom
followed her gaze effortlessly. "Who is that?"
"Admiral
Shaw."
"Oh,
from Seven's ship."
"Not
how he'd phrase it." She grinned but didn't turn her gaze away. He'd
actually said no to her. She knew he'd been interested in her that night they'd
gotten together—interested in more than just sex. She'd hightailed it out of
there in the morning because of that.
Because
she'd been waiting for Chakotay, for the right time to come around for them.
She
hadn't really thought she'd hurt Shaw. He hadn't really acted hurt so much as
just...guarded the other night.
This
thing with Picard—then dying. He may not have told her about the nanoprobes but
she knew. She was head of Fleet Operations. She knew a hell of a lot. All of
that had to have affected him.
"If
I promise I'll ask B'Elanna to have him—and you—over
for dinner, will you quit staring at him?"
She
turned to him and frowned. "Is this bothering you for some reason?"
"Yes,
because I want to play hangman."
She
rolled her eyes but nodded.
He
quickly sent a text message to B'Elanna who was
sitting near the front.
Unlike
the two of them, she really did like to set a good example. Janeway could see
her stiffen when she read the text but she didn't turn around.
A
reply came back. Fuck up my new admiral and you will both suffer the
consequences.
"Is
that a yes?"
He
nodded as he typed in Understood.
Janeway
smiled in satisfaction. Liam Shaw might think he'd gotten away from her. But
she wasn't going to give up after just one try.
Tom
suddenly elbowed her. "You might want to pay attention to this
section."
It
was on sexual harassment.
She
rolled her eyes at him but she did pay attention. Shaw wasn't in her chain
anymore. This was peer to peer. Yes, she had more stars but they were both
Admirals.
And
if he really seemed uncomfortable at dinner with Tom and B'Elanna,
she would leave him alone in the future. No matter how fun it was verbally
sparring with him, she didn't ever want to cross the line.
She
took the padd from Tom and entered her favorite six-letter word into the
hangman program.
"E."
She
put it in the fourth spot and then let him run out the rest of his chances with
other vowels and frequently used consonants.
No
one ever guessed Phlegm. And she saved it for days she wanted to make a point.
She
was smarter than the average bear. Tom shook his head, changed the language to
Klingon, and entered a word.
She
glared at him but had to bite back a smile. So quintessentially Tom Paris: if
you can't win the game you're playing, change the rules.
Truth
to tell, it was pretty much her style too.
##
Shaw
rang the chime at B'Elanna and Tom's apartment,
holding a bottle of his favorite Malbec as a host gift. He knew they liked the
stuff, unlike how Picard had just given out his own homemade dreck and acted
like it was something special.
He
needed to let go of his anger towards Picard. But the man hadn't even bothered
to thank him. For dying. For letting him use his fucking ship. For...any of it.
Tom
opened the door, smiling at him warmly. "Liam Shaw, I presume?"
"Guilty
as charged."
"Please..."
He moved aside to let him in and Shaw saw Kathryn sitting on the couch with B'Elanna. "Oh, we love this one," he said, as he
took the bottle Shaw was holding out. "What can I get you? We're drinking
Scotch."
"That's
fine."
"Hello,
Liam," B'Elanna said with a grin he never had to
try to interpret. She either liked you or she didn't as far as he could tell.
If she liked you, you got a variety of smiles. If not, God help you.
"Hello.
And wow, Admiral Janeway. Twice in one week." He glanced at B'Elanna and saw her look down.
Fucking
Kathryn, forcing her minion and his boss to further play this out.
"Yes,"
she said, "I'm a sucker for B'Elanna's
cooking."
"Liar."
B'Elanna rolled her eyes and got up. "Speaking
of which, I'm going to go check on it."
"I'll
help you," he said.
"And
leave our esteemed admiral with no one to talk to?"
"We
can give her Tom."
"She's
sick of him. Go sit down, Liam. I know you can hold your own."
He
took the glass Tom handed him with a mouthed, "Sorry," and went to
sit across from Kathryn.
"What
can I say, Liam? I didn't like how things ended. And B'Elanna
truly does provide the most amazing meals even if she outsources them."
She grinned. "I thought neutral ground might be nice. Two happy adults
supervising us." Her smile revved up a notch. "Although they seem to
be hiding out in the kitchen."
"Can
you blame them?"
"No."
She caught his eyes and didn't look away. "You don't trust me."
"I
don't trust anyone."
"But
you especially don't trust me."
"Let
me rephrase: I actually do trust those who've earned that trust. So I guess I have three categories. Those I don't know and
therefore don't trust, those I know and trust, and those I know and do not
trust."
"And
where does Seven fit? I read the reports. She betrayed you."
He
could feel his expression tighten.
"And
yet you did not, when asked, rescind your promotion recommendation."
"She
deserves the big chair."
"So she's someone you trust?"
"I
didn't say that."
One
side of her mouth went up. "I didn't betray you. We made no promises. We'd
never even met before then. I left earlier than you would have liked."
"You
seem to feel bad about it, bringing it up again. So maybe you did betray
me?"
"We
both knew what we were doing."
He
had to concede that with a nod. It probably wasn't her fault that being with
her was like working on a live circuit with an ungrounded tool. Exciting as
fuck but ultimately foolish.
'What
did you make of Picard?" She sounded serious and he narrowed his eyes.
"I
was at Wolf 359."
"I
know. I'm not asking what you made of Locutus. I'm
asking what you think of Jean-Luc Picard. I want an honest assessment."
He
tried to read her expression.
"I'll
start, Liam, if this is such a hard question for you. I find him
rather...sad."
"Well he's happier now. He has a son."
"I
pity his son."
"Why?"
"Because
he's cold. The man would freeze a normal person to death."
He
leaned in. "Did you and he...?"
"God
no. I like fire in my men, not ice."
"You
think I have fire?"
She
cocked her head and shot him a look that was so clearly "Come on," he
had to laugh.
"Okay
maybe a little fire."
She
narrowed her eyes. "It's why you're so still. You're afraid to show anyone
how much of an inferno is going on underneath that tight exterior."
He
had to concede that with a nod too.
"So...Picard?"
He
sighed and gave it a moment of thought. "His crew is his family. They
clearly are devoted to each other. But..." He frowned. "He's so
detached. And I don't mean cold. I mean...it's like he just sort of floats the
currents of his life and then grabs onto the shore when he needs to and wants
everyone to gather on his island. Even if it's light years from where he or anyone
else should be. But it's him, so of course they all do it."
"Do
you think we could have stopped the Borg without him doing exactly that?"
He'd
thought about this; Hansen had certainly argued that it had been the only way.
"I don't know."
"Seriously?
You go through all that he put you through, and you're willing to say that
maybe he was right?"
He
nodded grudgingly. "I'm by the book. I'd have had the ship in its place
for Frontier Day. Jack might have been captured even earlier by the Queen, the
invasion better organized, changelings undetected." Except that Admiral Ro
had been on it already. So maybe not. "I'm not sure. I'd love to say that
it would have been okay without Picard and his yahoos showing up. But I
can't."
Her
smile was very gentle. "I like that about you. I know how much you must
resent him. And yet...you're honest and you're fair."
"At
the end of the day, that matters."
"Yes,
it does." She took a long sip of her drink. "For what it's worth, I
don't think we would have survived without him. As much as it pains me to say
that because of what it says about how naive we were to let the Changelings and
the Borg get so far. We owe him."
"No,
we don't. He didn't get courtmartialed or whatever
you do to retired admirals. His son is now on a ship after abbreviated
training. His people prospered career wise. No one owes anyone anything."
"So if he came to you with a problem...?"
"I
might listen to it. But if it was something I could just say no to and boot him
the hell out of my office—yeah that would feel good."
She
laughed.
Tom
walked in and sat down on the couch between their chairs. "Well, you two
are actually talking like mature adults."
"Give
us time, Tom." She grinned at Shaw and he found himself returning the
smile, even while he tried to bite it back.
Damn
the woman and her live-wire charisma.
##
Janeway
walked down the corridors of the Enterprise and nodded at the passing
crewmen. She entered a lift and rode it to the bridge.
Seven
was in her ready room. Musiker—the woman who had stalked her and even now had a
hard time meeting her eyes—had the conn. "I'll be in with Seven."
"Yes,
ma'am."
She
could have told the other woman to relax, that it was water under the bridge or
some other such platitude, but she didn't feel like it. But she did smile as
gently as she could.
Seven
looked up and smiled. "Ship passing muster?"
"You
know it is." She closed the door to the ready room. "I need to know
something."
"Okay."
She got up and moved to the replicator, getting them both coffees before
sitting down at the table and gesturing for Janeway to sit across from her.
'What's up?"
"We
never really discussed Chakotay before or when it was happening. That caused
some tension for us that didn't need to be there and that I never want to have
again. So I need to know: would I be stepping into
something if I pursued Liam?"
"Liam?"
For a moment, she looked seriously confused. "Oh
you mean Shaw? I've never called him by his first name. Does that answer your
question?"
She
laughed. "It would if he wasn't so by the book. You could still have
feelings for him without ever calling him by his first name. You did save
him."
Seven
took a sip of coffee, clearly weighing how much she wanted to say.
"Obviously he's very attractive. And he believed in me. But...that shocked
me. Did Tuvok not tell you I tried to resign before
hearing what my fate was going to be after the Borg invasion?"
"No,
he left that out."
"Well,
I did. Shaw's recommendation took me by surprise. Our rapport was there but
haphazard. I won't lie and say there weren't times I wasn't attracted to him,
but..."
"But
you were his first officer."
She
rolled her eyes. "Coming from you...? And also, given what I'm going to
tell you is the real reason, I don't think that really matters to me. Raffi has
prior claim on my heart."
"You're
sure?"
"You're
not going to lecture me on being with my first officer?"
"I'm
really not." If she'd just said yes to Chakotay in the Delta Quadrant,
they would have been over each other and he could have moved on to Seven and
not caused her to blow up a friendship. On the other hand, being trapped with
an ex on a ship for an undetermined amount of time might not be a recipe for
success.
Pff, things happened when they were supposed
to. She had to look at it like that.
"So,
you like him?" Seven was almost laughing at her.
"I
knew him before you did. Found him...interesting."
"Because
he's the first man who could hold his own with you?" Seven did laugh this
time. "He can cut with words as precisely as he does with a laser
cutter."
"I
know. It's very attractive."
"Is
it, Kathryn? Really?" She shook her head. "Acid burns aren't really
my thing."
"Which
is why you and I would never have worked out."
"Plus you prefer men."
"Yes,
I do." She sighed. "So I won't be ruining
this friendship we've managed to rebuild?"
"No.
If you can catch him, you're welcome to him."
"If...
What's he like really? I'm only seeing him when he's guarded."
"That
is him. He's guarded. I think if you can get past the barriers, then you'll see
the parts of him he keeps hidden."
"Did
you get past them?"
"A
few times. We were constantly arguing about my name, and I knew he had issues
with the Borg, so it made it hard."
"I
guess I'll leave out that I was briefly assimilated."
"Probably
wise. He's...funny. Really funny at times. He cares about his crew—so much I
think it was a burden for him. He likes blue steak."
"You say that like it's some kind of dealbreaker. That stuff
is good."
"If
you say so."
"Is
he kind? Is he soft?"
"Do
you mean is he another Chakotay?"
Janeway
laughed and nodded.
"I
really don't think he is. But there is a gooey center. I've just never seen it—only
had tantalizing hints of it." She smiled. "When you find it, let me
know how gooey it is?"
Janeway
liked this new Seven, sharing secrets like they were two schoolgirls but fully
capable of blowing an enemy out of the sky. "Have I told you how proud I
am of you?"
"No."
"I
am. And maybe you can include Musiker in our dinner tonight? So
I can get to know her as something other than my stalker?"
Seven
laughed. "For real?"
She
nodded.
"I
will. Thank you, Kathryn. For asking me first. I should have done that..."
"That's
time long gone. And you were so young. We're here now. Doing it better this
time."
"Yes.
Yes, we are."
##
Shaw
walked into his office and saw a bottle of Malbec sitting on his chair. The
card said, "I've arranged a tour of the vineyard for Sunday. If you'd like
to come let me know. - K."
She'd
given him her direct comm code so he punched it in and typed, Do you even like Malbec?
Do
you think I would give up one of my few free days to tour a place that makes
something I don't love?
To
achieve an objective? Yes.
You
think so little of me?
On
the one hand, sacrificing for the cause is admirable. On the other, pretending
to like something you don't just to get a guy? That's sad.
I
adore Malbec.
Fine.
See you Sunday.
If
it wasn't a winery he'd always wanted to visit, he might say no.
Or
if it wasn't Kathryn Janeway, he might say no.
That
it was both of them, how could he not say yes?
His
assistant came in and updated him on calendar changes.
He
found it very hard to concentrate. Shit, what power did this damn woman have
over him? Maybe he should call Chakotay and ask for tips?
Or
not. Chakotay had bored her. She hadn't come out and said it quite like that,
but he could read between the lines and get the gist of it.
The
rest of the week went by quickly and before he knew it, it was Sunday and he
was waiting outside the transporter stop that was midway between their two
apartment buildings. He sat on a bench with his eyes closed, enjoying the
sunshine and fresh air and just generally not being on a ship.
"You
look peaceful."
He
opened his eyes. She was in white pants and a gauze shirt with a red cardigan
over it and sandals. He'd never seen her dressed down. She'd been in uniform
when they'd hooked up and the other night at B'Elanna's
since it had been right after work.
"Do
I meet with your approval, Liam? You'd think you never saw me naked." She
held out her hand. "Although I am a good deal older than I was then—and
I'm older than you."
"You
were older than me then too."
"Yes,
but I wasn't this old."
"Kathryn,
women like you never get old. You just get more dangerous."
She
laughed as she took his hand and pulled him to his feet. "Well played,
sir."
"Just
being honest."
"So some torches burn a long time?"
"Didn't
say I was carrying a torch." He followed her into the transporter station
and to the area where they could cut the line due to rank.
"Didn't
say you weren't either."
A
few minutes later they were stepping off the padd in Mendoza, Argentina. The
air was dry and not terribly hot and she hailed a flitter to take them to the
vineyard.
"It's
been years since I was last here," she said as they rode out over the
gorgeous countryside.
"Yeah,
same. I love Buenos Aires."
"Me
too. The tangoing alone." She smiled at him in way that was only half
seductive. "I used to come here with Mark—my fiancé when I disappeared. He
married someone else."
"I'm
sorry."
"I'm
not. He's happy. Who wants to wait forever—and we didn't know we'd back in
seven years. It sounds long if you weren't on the ship but we thought we'd have
decades to go. We were lucky to get back when we did." She had a strange
look on her face. "Or I made our luck—a different me anyway."
He
wasn't sure he followed her.
"Let's
just say, temporal hijinks were had."
"Ohhhh. Really? So it wasn't
luck?"
"I
make my own luck, even when I'm really really
old." She laughed gently. "I can't really talk about it. But...for
some reason I wanted you to know that little bit of it."
They
arrived at the winery and followed their personal tour guide, who was also the
manager of the outfit, learning and tasting and having generally a good time.
Their host left them on a lovely deck with a view of the vineyards, with a
flight of wines and delicious finger food to go with them.
"To
lovely company," she said raising her glass.
"I'll
happily drink to that." He closed his eyes as he sipped the wine. "I
like this one from the highest elevation. It's a little more somber."
"I
like the juicier one. They're all excellent though."
"I
agree." He studied her. "Why are you pursuing me?"
"Is
it unwelcome?"
"Answer
the question."
"Because
of all the men I've known, you're the cipher. And you continue to be. I ran for
my life that morning because I wanted to be with people who would not make me
give up a future with Chakotay. You scared the shit out of me—your depths have
depths."
He
laughed. "Some of my depths are scar tissue. I had some tough years after
Wolf 359."
"I
can understand that. But most of that cipher is you. B'Elanna
adores you. I can count on two hands the number of people that's true of."
"Well,
she's a hero of mine."
"Am
I?"
"No,
Kathryn. Heroes don't run like hell. They stay and fight. Even if they're
shitty at it and get shot and die and have to be resurrected with Borg nanothingies." Wow, way to make it into his story.
She
looked down. "I know. But things happen when they're meant to,
maybe." She sounded like she was trying to convince herself as much as she
was him.
"What's
really going on?"
"I
saw you in the cafeteria when you first came back. Before our meet and greet. I
felt... Well, I felt. Period. I haven't for a while. I work. I travel and give
lectures. I have dinner with friends. I go to dinner with men who ask me but I
feel...nothing. I thought...I thought maybe that's it. Maybe I can't feel that
kind of interest anymore. Maybe I've had my quota of romance and sex and
love." She smiled softly, a wry expression he found both sweet and
poignant. "And then I saw you and I felt...alive again." She shook
her head. "It's not fair to impose that on you. I know that."
"I
think I should decide what's fair to me or not. You know I'll tell you."
"Oh,
I know you will. Words are your speciality."
"Oh I don't know that that's my real speciality.
Think back." He laughed as he remembered that night, making her arch, cry
out.
She
actually blushed. "Well, okay, but doing things really well with your
tongue still covers words."
"Accepted."
He tried another one of the wines. "Mmm, this
one is nice."
She
tried it. "That is good. It's like my favorite and your favorite found a
way to compromise. To incredible result."
"Is
that a lame-ass metaphor for us?"
"No,
it was commentary on the wine. Not everything's about you, Liam." She
tried not to laugh and failed. "I'll have to work on my metaphors. I'm
used to people letting me spout off without critiquing my words."
"I'm
used to people getting mad at being critiqued."
"Oh,
I like someone who can keep up with me."
"Ditto."
##
Instead
of going back to San Francisco, they ended up in Buenos Aires, in a cafe drinking
coffee watching some dancers on a walking street demonstrate the tango for a
group of tourists. Janeway watched the way they moved, the sensuality of the
dance, and smiled.
"It's
like sex with music." Liam laughed. "And I can't dance for
shit."
"To
be honest, I'm not sure I can anymore either."
"I've
always found it easier to dance with someone I've slept with. Is that
weird?"
"Not
at all. You obviously consider dancing intimate and maybe intimidating? Easier
to do with someone you've already let your barriers down with?"
"I'll
buy that." He reached out and took her hand. "For what it's worth,
I've never forgotten that night."
"But
you moved on."
"Mmm, did I? I've had some relationships but not serious
ones. Friends with benefits more than true partners. I've been told I'm
difficult."
"No.
You?" She laughed and was gratified when he smiled. "Well, I've been
told that too." Chakotay had said it, at the end. She didn't want enough,
or didn't want the right things.
Always
lacking.
He
squeezed her hand. "What are you thinking about? Your whole energy
changed."
"Endings."
"Ah.
They suck generally. Unless it's one of those relationships that just sort of
peters out."
"No.
This was with big bangs." She frowned. "Big bangs we both caused, trying
to get the other one on our respective pages when our books weren't even the
same genre."
"Nice
image. I like that one."
"Well,
thank you." She let go of his hand. "I hate to do this. But I've got
an early call in the morning."
"No
worries." He paid for the coffee, then took her arm as they walked to the
transporter station.
Just
before they got there, she stopped him and said, "Just so you know, from
here on out, it's up to you. If you want this, you woo me. I won't chase you. I
know...I know this might be uncomfortable for you and I don't want that—"
She
had to shut up because he'd pushed her against the wall and was kissing her.
And it was the kiss of all those years ago, before she'd had her dream come
true and found it wanting, before she'd felt the vitality slipping away in
every portion of her life except her career.
She
wrapped her arms around him and gave in to what she was feeling.
When
he finally eased away, he grinned and said, "What were you saying about
giving up control? Because uh right." He laughed and touched her cheek
gently. "That was as good as I remembered, by the way. In case you were
wondering."
"I'm
glad."
He
waited and she started to laugh. "Or..."
"Oh,
is this where I say you were also as good as I remember?"
He
nodded.
"Better,
Liam. Even better."
FIN