DISCLAIMER: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel characters are the property of Mutant Enemy, Joss Whedon, Lazy Dave, Kuzui, Dark Horse, and Fox Studios. The story contents are the creation and property of Djinn and are copyright (c) 2007 by Djinn. This story is Rated PG-13.
One Too Many
by Djinn
"Where is he?" Buffy
wanted to grab the bartender and pound the info out of him. But this wasn't
Willy's, and violence would be frowned upon.
It was, however, still a
demon bar. One Giles had no business being in. Much less being drunk in.
The bartender scowled at her
and pointed toward the back of the bar.
"Thanks," she said,
not wanting to rile the guy. Faith had said he was occasionally helpful.
She heard Giles before she
saw him. Speaking very earnestly to a full-face female vampire. "But do
you find any satisfaction from this life? Deeper meaning?"
"I don't need deeper
meaning, sweetie. I get to feed. So, do you want to pay me now or later?"
Buffy stood just behind Giles
and crossed her arms over her chest, waiting for him to—please God—tell this
vampire to get lost.
"I didn't come here to
let you feed on me."
Score one for the watcher.
"I just want to know why
you do what you do?"
And points off for stupid
questions. "Giles," Buffy said, pulling him out of the booth. "It's
time to go."
"Hey!" The vampire
was up and striding toward them.
Buffy pushed Giles into the
nearest empty chair. "Oh, yes. Please let's fight." She pulled out a
stake, tossing it lightly from hand to hand, grinning in what she knew was a
feral way. She was so in the mood to throw this vamp down.
The vampire stopped mid step
and then backed away slowly.
"Good call." A
little disappointed, Buffy hoisted Giles up and half carried, half guided him
to the entrance.
"Buffy, I'm quite
capable of walking."
"Uh huh. And that's why
Faith told me to get on the first plane to Cleveland. Because you're so damn
capable." It had been a miserable flight from London. Babies and horny
soccer players and a really smelly old man she was sure had been a demon. All
at a time when the other slayers needed her back at Slayer Central. When Dawn
needed her to just be her big sister. But, no—she had to fly across the ocean
for this.
"I'm quite all right. We
were having a nice conversation, that young woman and I."
"That young woman was
expecting you to pay her to bite you."
"I may have led her on a
bit in that respect, but I had the situation fully under control." He
pulled away and his "fully under control" riff was ruined when he walked
into a parking meter. "Bloody hell."
"Okay, Giles. Where's
your car?" She reached into his coat pocket, dug out his keys, and hit the
"honk" button. A red sports car down the way started to beep. "Nice
wheels. Midlife crisis much?"
"Very funny." He
staggered ahead of her to the car, and when he tried to head for the driver's
seat, she manhandled him into the passenger side.
"I drive," she
said. "You sober up."
"I am not
inebriated."
"Maybe not, but you
smell like a still."
He didn't have a witty
retort, so she concentrated on getting them out of the parallel parking space
he'd found—she really hated driving, even if she'd had to master it when her
mom had been sick.
"I don't live down this
way."
"No, but my hotel is
down this way. And we need to talk."
"We can talk at my
apartment."
"Yes, and then, when I leave,
you can do some other stupid thing that might get you killed."
"Buffy, I assure you, I was in no danger and you—"
She punched the radio on,
turned it up loud even though it was stodgy classical music. It still drowned
him out.
She drove in silence—well,
she was silent; the car was filled with the sounds of Bach or Brahms or one of
those guys. And Giles was muttering, but she refused to reach over and turn
down the music, and when he tried it, she slapped his hand. Hard.
Crossing his arms, he went
back to muttering. She pulled into the hotel parking lot a little too fast, hit
the brakes hard, and jerked them both into their seatbelts as she parked the
car in the first space she found.
"Side entrance. Let's
go." She got out of the car, walked around to his side, but he pushed her
away. "Fine. Walky walky."
"Don't treat me like a
child." He sounded pissed. And hurt.
"Quit acting like one,
then."
"That's usually my line
to you." His voice was cutting. Hard. His Ripper voice, not the Giles she
knew and loved.
She ignored it. Grabbing his
hand, she pulled him after her to the side door. "I have a coffee maker in
the room. Coffee will be good for you." And maybe a cold shower. Or was
that just in the movies?
All the fight seemed to have
gone out of him. He followed her docilely now. And when he met her eyes as they
waited for the elevator, he looked contrite. "I'm sorry you had to come
all this way."
She wasn't sure what to say,
so she nodded and pushed him gently into the elevator. Pushing the fourth floor button, she watched as the numbered buttons lit
up. Two, three, then four. "Our floor, Giles."
He was staring at the elevator
floor, seemed to be looking past it. "What? Oh, yes."
He followed her down the
hall, letting her nudge him through once she got the door open, then dropping
into one of the chairs at the little table.
She took the other one. "So."
"You mentioned coffee, I
believe?"
She had, so she got up and
started the in-room coffee maker, then went back to sit down. "So?"
"So. Yes. Well." He
took off his glasses, set them down on the table, and ran his hand across his
eyes, rubbing hard. "I really was quite all right, Buffy, and I—"
"Cut the crap, Giles. This
is me. I know you. You aren't all right." She heard the coffee maker stop,
went to pour him some, making it the way she knew he liked it. "I know
about Jill," she said softly as she set the mug down in front of him.
"Jill fought well, from
what Catherine said."
"Jill died."
"Yes." Giles took a
deep swig of coffee, not seeming to care that it was just-brewed hot.
"Faith told me that
you'd taken a special interest in Jill."
"Faith and I may have to
discuss the concept of discretion."
Buffy smiled tightly, shaking
her head. "Don't pull that. And don't blame Faith. Discretion goes out the
window when a friend is acting crazy."
"I'm not crazy."
Buffy didn't answer, just
waited for him to say more things she didn't believe. Finally, he took a deep
breath and put his glasses back on, and she knew he was going to give her the
truth—or some version of it, anyway.
"Jill liked to study. The
old texts. She often asked me to help her translate." He set the mug down
hard. "She should have been a watcher, not a slayer."
"We don't make the
rules, Giles. We don't say who gets called and who doesn't."
"Well, maybe we
should." He wasn't meeting her eyes. That was never a good thing.
"And before
Jill..."
He seemed to go very still.
"Elena?"
He finally looked at her. "Elena.
Jeanne. Kaneesha. Just in the time I've been
here." He played with his mug, turning it this way and that, as if
searching for the perfect angle of repose. "I'd forgotten how dangerous a
hellmouth can be. You. Kendra. Faith almost. You again. All the potentials we
lost that last year—and later in the final battle." He pushed away from
the table rising unsteadily.
She caught him.
"Let go of me, Buffy. I
don't deserve your help."
"Why not? Because you
failed them?"
"Didn't I? I'm the
watcher here. I shouldn't have sent a girl who wasn't ready out to fight."
"You said Jill fought
well."
"She wasn't ready. I
knew that, but I let Faith take her on patrol anyway."
"Did Faith get careless?"
It wouldn't be the first time, although Faith had seemed steadier since she'd
taken the gig in Cleveland. Like she cared about the girls she was in charge
of, like it mattered to her to be a good role model. Not that she was a good
role model all the time. She was still Faith, after all.
"No, Buffy, this isn't
Faith's fault. She asked Jill if she was ready, and she said yes. But she
wasn't. She never would be."
"You know that from this
perspective, but did you know that then?"
He walked to the dresser,
leaned over, and stared at himself in the mirror. "Don't give me an out,
Buffy."
She walked over and tried to
see what he was seeing. "Giles, I know you. Better than you know yourself
sometimes. And you would never have sent a girl out who wasn't ready."
"I did, though. I sent
you against the Master. I sent those potentials..."
She slid onto the dresser,
making him move his hand, breaking the hold the mirror had on him. "You
would never send a girl out who wasn't ready. End of story."
He didn't answer and seemed
to be searching her face as if it held some answer that the mirror had failed
to give him. "Then why? Why did she die?"
"Spike told me once. All
it takes is one wrong move and the vampire has a very good day. It was her time
to die. It's awful. Her life was too short. But she's gone. And she's not
coming back."
And Buffy had never even met
her. Jill had been one of the many collected by Faith and Robin. So many newbies
on top of an active hellmouth. It was why Giles had come here to help.
"I've tried to be a good
watcher." He moved closer, lifted his hand slowly and stroked her cheek.
"You are a good watcher.
You're the best watcher, don't you know that. If you were Jill's friend, then
she was lucky."
"I've missed you so,
Buffy. There's no one to talk to here."
"Robin and you seemed to
hit it off when you were planning to murder Spike."
"He's rather distracted
by Faith, I'm afraid. A nice enough fellow when we do talk, but it's not the
same as having someone who..."
"Who depends on you? You
had Jill."
He shook his head. "She
was a child. She wasn't you." He jerked his hand away and went back to
avoiding her eyes. "Am I going to fail you again, Buffy? Are you going to
end up dead?"
"Odds are I will die. Possibly
violently. Maybe prematurely. You might, too. It's our lives. It's how we've
chosen to live them. Fight the good fight and all that?"
He nodded. "I
suppose."
"Giles, if I die or if I
live to be a hundred, it won't be because of you. It won't be your fault if
things go wrong. You won't get to claim credit if I end up having grandkids. It's
my life, and Jill's life was hers. She could have told you she wasn't ready if
she'd felt that way. We have enough girls now not to push anyone out of the
nest before they're fit."
"I know." He pulled
away. "I should go."
"No way. You're staying
here."
He glanced at the bed. "One
only, my dear. And there's no couch. I'm a bit old to be sleeping in
bathtubs." He started to laugh. "Remember how fun it was to keep
Spike chained up in the tub?"
Buffy could feel herself
blush. She'd done a lot worse to Spike that year Giles had abandoned her.
He seemed to read her face. "I
guess you do remember."
"I guess so." She
pushed him toward the bed. "Just lie down. Shoes and jacket off. The rest
will just have to get rumpled." Not that he looked exactly fresh pressed
right now.
She was already wearing comfy
plane riding clothes. She waited until Giles chose a side and lay down, before
she turned off the lights and joined him under the covers. It felt odd, having
him next to her, even though he seemed to be trying to stay as far from her as
possible.
"So," he said, just
as the silence was getting uncomfortable for her, "just how long are you
going to babysit me?"
"I don't know. How long
are you going to need a babysitter?"
"I don't need one now,
Buffy."
She didn't argue with him—it
was rare that she'd win. "Tell me about her. About
Jill."
She could hear him breathe in
sharply, as if her request hurt. Reaching over, she found his hand and squeezed
it. He let his own hand lie limp for a moment, then he suddenly squeezed back,
holding on tight.
"She was eighteen. But
young for her age emotionally—she hadn't lived much. Smart though. Like Willow,
only without the experience of fighting at your side for two years."
"Was she nice?"
"Oh, yes. Very sweet. Studious
and quiet. Not much of a sense of humor." His laugh was a soft puff of
air. "A bit like me, I suppose."
"Nothing like me."
"No. Nothing like
you." He suddenly let go of her hand.
She moved closer and felt him
shrink away. If he did it again, he'd be off the bed.
"I've missed you, too,
Giles. Talking to you."
"You have Xander. Dawn
and Willow."
"Not the same." She
backed away, rolled to her side, and faced the wall. "Did you have
feelings for her?"
"For Jill? Good God, no.
Nothing like that. Is that why you think I'm upset?"
"Faith wasn't
sure."
"And Faith is such an
expert on relationships?"
She had to give him that one.
Although Robin was still hanging in there, so they must be doing something
right.
She felt him move closer, his
breath was warm on her ear. "I let Jill die, Buffy."
"Just like you let me
die."
"Yes. What kind of man
does that?"
"The kind of man who has
to." She turned and realized they were lying very, very close.
He didn't move. She didn't,
either. Then he leaned in and kissed her.
She had, upon occasion as she
grew older, considered what kissing Giles would be like. This wasn't like any
of her fantasies. He tasted like coffee, booze, and cigarettes. And he pulled
away immediately, murmuring something about boundaries and decorum.
She had a feeling he was
going to make a run for it and grabbed his arm, keeping him in the bed. "Go
to sleep, Giles. You'll feel better in the morning."
"I couldn't possibly
sleep here now."
"I'll make it easy for
you: either you fall asleep or I'll knock you out."
He quit fighting her grip,
lay still, and was probably trying to wait her out. She didn't let go of him,
and she finally heard the sound of his breathing shift to the rhythm of sleep.
She still didn't let go of
his arm.
##
A soft tapping woke her. She
slipped out of bed and hurried over to the door, checking to make sure Giles
was still asleep before she opened it. Light streamed into the darkened room,
and she stepped outside, holding the door open with her foot.
"Hey," Faith said,
handing Buffy a plastic shopping bag. "I had Robin go get Giles' stuff. Figured
he'd be better at picking out guywear than I
would."
"Good call."
"How is he?" Faith
peeked in. "Ooh, Summers, one bed, two of you—that's math even I can
manage."
"Shut up." She was
so not telling Faith that Giles had kissed her.
Faith's grin faded. "How
is he?"
"I'm not sure yet."
"But you'll stick around
until you are sure, right?"
"You want me to hang
out?"
Faith copped some of her old
'tude, fingers hooked in her pockets, hips stuck out
a bit, a trace of a sneer. "I'm not looking for quality big sister time,
B. But Giles is good people, and if he needs your help, then yeah, I want you
to stay and help him."
Buffy felt oddly touched. Faith
could always surprise her. "Don't worry. I'm not leaving him till I know
he's okay."
"So, he was at
Damien's?"
"Just like you said he
would be. Having a heart-to-heart with a vampire of the female persuasion. I
think he was about to launch into a talk about self-actualization and personal
fulfillment."
Faith gave her a "What
the hell are you talking about?" look. Buffy smiled—it was nice to think
she still remembered something from her brief time at college. Maggie Walsh had
been a nut job, but a heck of a good teacher.
"He was being
stupid."
Faith clearly got that
concept.
"He
said Jill wasn't ready, Faith. Was she?"
"She was. She fought
like a tiger, B. Staked two vamps before the catwalk she was standing on
collapsed—another vamp got her while she was unconscious. I tried to help her,
so did Yeni and Mary. We didn't get to her, not in time. It was one of those
bad things, and it wasn't cool that it went down that way, but it wasn't
anyone's fault. But Giles seems wicked determined to blame himself for her
death."
"They weren't
involved."
Faith rolled her eyes. "I
didn't really think they were."
"Then why'd you make me
ask him that?"
Faith gave her an odd smile. "Why'd
I call you to come help him instead of Willow or Xander?"
"Because he was my
watcher."
"Yeah, you just keep
telling yourself that, B." She pulled Buffy to her in an awkward hug. "Good
to see you. Don't be a stranger."
"You, either." She
watched Faith stride away, oozing bad girl vibes in all directions.
Turning to go back in, she
saw that Giles was watching her from the bed.
"Good morning," he
said, his voice raspy.
"Hey." She handed
him his clothes. "Faith brought these by."
"So, I see—and
heard."
"You heard us
talking?" At his look, she frowned. "How much did you hear?"
"Only everything." He
gave a tight smile.
"I'm not going to say
I'm sorry, Giles. She's worried about you, and it takes a lot to make her
worried enough to want me in her town. You know that."
He closed his eyes and took a
long breath, as if gathering strength.
"Are you feeling like
breakfast?" She hoped he was, because she was starving.
"I'd rather go
home."
"Yeah, that part's not
happening until I get a better idea of why you're acting like a moron." She
kept her voice perky in the Buffy-of-old way.
He didn't smile.
"Giles, I'm hungry. And
I need caffeine and all that's left is decaf in the in-room basket."
He sighed, then finally
nodded.
She hurried into the bathroom
and made herself presentable, then changed into jeans and a sweater. Then she
traded him, and he took his change of clothes with him, and did the guy getting
ready thing. Only really fast. She was zipping up her boots when he walked out.
Robin had brought him nearly
an identical outfit. Jeans. Brown sweater. It was a look. She waited for him to
pull his shoes on, then took his arm when he stood.
"Breakfast. On the
double." She handed over his keys and smiled at his look of sheer terror. "Yes,
I did drive your pretty little car. Don't you remember?"
"Barely."
She followed him out of the
room, and into the waiting elevator. "So you
don't remember doing other things?"
"Other things?" But
he was turning red, so she knew he was lying.
"Kissing things?"
"No." He sounded
enormously British. Very wounded pride man, which ticked her off more than a
little—when did kissing her become an offensive thing?
"Because you'd never
kiss me, even drunk?" She stormed off the elevator, not even waiting to
see if he was following. Then she wondered if that was his plan: piss her off
so much she didn't care if he came or not. Glancing back, she saw that he was
following her, his eyes resolutely cast at the carpet as if he was in fear of
tripping.
"It wasn't good, by the
way."
That got his attention. His
eyes were up and locked with hers.
"Ooh, the gentleman does
remember."
"I was rather
drunk."
"You said you
weren't."
"I was wrong, then,
wasn't I?" He held her door for her, closing it gently and taking a very,
very long time to move around the little car and get in. He finally opened the
door, sat for a moment, adjusting the mirrors, then turned to her. "Why?"
"Why were you
wrong?"
"Why was it bad?"
"I didn't say it was
bad. I said it wasn't good." She smiled at his expression. This wasn't the
tack she'd intended to take, but he was finally acting more like the old Giles—even
if the old Giles would never, ever talk about kissing her.
"Oh, well, that clears
it up immensely."
"You'd been drinking
booze and coffee, not the breath mint flavor of choice. And you'd been smoking.
An aromatic trifecta."
He laughed softly. "Sorry."
There was a long silence as he navigated the car out of the spot. "But
other than that?"
"Other than that? Well,
it was quick and that's really all I had time to assess. Then you went all
wiggy and tried to leave. Which is not the kind of thing a girl wants after a
kiss, by the way. Not really the approved watcher romance strategy. Or maybe it
is. Do watchers have much of a love life?"
His smile was growing bigger
as she rambled on, as if her teasing and lightness was making this easier for
him. She reached over and settled her hand on top of his where it sat on the
gearshift. He glanced at her and gave her a small smile—a shy one, too.
A very sweet one. She pulled
her hand away slowly, met his eyes again, and saw a question in them. "What?"
"Is this a
strategy?"
"A strat—you
mean a make you come clean by coming on to you thing?"
He nodded.
"Well, no. I mean if
it's working, I may incorporate it into my master plan, but no."
He laughed softly. "I've
missed you—how you are."
She realized she'd missed
being this way—was really only this way around him because he was the only one
who reacted to her this way, as if it was still new and fun for her to be silly
and light.
He pulled into a Denney's. "This
all right?"
"Who can say no to a
Grand Slam?" She grinned at his expression. It seemed watcher man was a
fan of the heart-attack-on-a-plate, too.
The hostess was uber perky,
the waitress even more so as she poured them coffee, then pulled out her pad. "What
can I get you folks?"
Buffy ordered for both of
them, saw Giles smile as she picked the right things for him. After this many
years, she didn't know his tastes? Once the waitress left, she leaned forward,
"I'd have ordered bangers and mash, but they are tragically out."
He laughed. "Yes, I'm
sure you're mourning English cuisine."
"Well, in Scotland we
get to add in the haggis. Go national pride."
They both made a face.
"How are things going
there?"
She shrugged. "Miss you.
Not just for the witty repartee, but for the training. You're better with the brand new slayers than I am. I think I lost my sensitivity
gene somewhere along the line, Giles. Even Faith is warmer and fuzzier than I
am these days."
"Faith hasn't died
twice."
"Well
she nearly died twice. Does that count?"
"No." He sipped his
coffee. "You can't afford to get close, not when you may have to send them
off to..."
"To die?" She
sighed. "That's what we do, Giles. It's horrible, but it's what we do. It's
better than it was, though. No girl ever has to go off alone." Although at
that moment, at that crucial moment, whether you were fighting the Master in
his cave or taking your sister's place on the top of a tower or battling at the
side of other slayers in an alley, you were alone when you died.
He met her eyes. "I've
sent too many."
"You'll send more."
She let her voice be implacable. Grown-up Buffy, not the girl who'd so
challenged him. Buffy the general.
Buffy the killer.
But for the sake of the
world. For the sake of innocents.
Wasn't that what the watchers
had said all those years?
"Okay, now I'm
depressed."
"I wish I could help,
Buffy." He gave her a bittersweet smile.
"This is who we are. We
didn't ask for it, but it is." She leaned forward, words coming out of her
mouth that she hated, that she'd never wanted to say to him. "Do you want
to quit?"
"What?"
"Do you want to retire
or resign or storm off or whatever it is watchers who are sick of it do?"
"Generally, watchers
don't do that. They...die." He looked down.
"And you don't mean in an
alley fighting vamps, do you?"
"No, Buffy, I don't. There
is an inordinately high suicide rate among watchers. It's heartbreaking to lose
someone you've invested so much in. Not just time, but energy and devotion
and..."
"You can say it. Love."
"Yes, love." He
shook his head. "I loved Jill. I thought I could keep her alive." He
laughed, a bitter, harsh sound. "But then I could never keep you
alive."
"I kept myself alive,
Giles. And when I didn't, I had friends who brought me back—for good or
not." She touched his hand. "Do you want to go? Be a librarian or
sing songs at a pub or do that fighter pilot thing you always wanted?"
He smiled. "At my age, I
think grocer is more apt."
"That's a valid life
choice, too. What are we with without our groceries?"
His smile was rather sad.
"Giles, I'm serious. If
you want out, if this was the one that broke the watcher's back, I'll
understand." She wasn't sure how she'd get on without him, but she'd
understand.
And be envious. Slayers
didn't have an escape clause.
"I can't leave
you."
"Don't think of it as
leaving me. Think of it as saving yourself."
He studied her, a frown
deepening the lines in his forehead. "Do you want me to go?"
"No, I don't want you to
go."
"Oh. Good." He
looked relieved, as if he'd really thought for a moment
she'd want to be rid of him. "I don't know what I want, Buffy."
"Well, then think on it.
It's not a one-time offer."
"Right." He gave
her an uncomfortable little smile, and she tried to remember if he'd ever given
her that particular look before. She realized he hadn't, but she'd seen it—he'd
used it with Miss Calendar.
"Why did you kiss
me?"
His blush was immediate, his
eyes everywhere but on her. "As we've established, I was drunk."
"Thanks."
"Buffy, what do you want
me to say?" He took a sip of his coffee—a time-tested stalling measure
whether with java or his more traditional tea.
"The truth would be
nice."
"I kissed you because I
wanted to. I kissed you because life seems unnaturally short, and opportunities
are not often presented."
"Then why'd you back
away."
"Well, it's not as if
you enjoyed it, now is it?"
"Hey, let's rewind. I
did not criticize the skill level. Just the taste sensation."
He sighed.
"So. Backing away. Why?"
"Because that's not what
our relationship's about."
"Hmm." She studied
her coffee. Then she met his eyes. "Should it be?"
"I beg your—"
"Do you think it should
be? Jeez, Giles. Basic English used to be something you were good at."
"Buffy—" He started
to get up, and she slammed her hand down on his, earning herself a look from
the other patrons.
"Sit. Now." She let
go of him as soon as he settled back in. "I need to know something. Are
you doing this because you want to go? Is this some weird last
ditch thing before you leave us? Or do you feel this? Do you want more
from me?"
"Why? Do you want more
from me?"
"I...I
hadn't really considered it."
"Well, then, there's your
answer." He sounded very stuffy, very British.
"It is an answer. An
honest one. I didn't say the thought gave me the wiggins
or anything."
"Well, thank all the
gods for that." He crossed his arms over his chest. His face was getting
red and his voice was getting louder. "And what if I did want something? Would
it be so very wrong if I did?"
"Who said anything about
wrong?" She frowned and realized he was about to get up again. "Giles,
please don't leave."
"You can't stand for me
to go?"
"Well, that, and I have
no American money. I forgot to change my Euros."
It was absolutely the right
thing to say. He laughed and sat down. "I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry, too?" She
wasn't sure what she was apologizing for, but it seemed like the kind of moments
where the sorries had to go all around. "Can we
go somewhere? I've never been to Cleveland. And there must be somewhere that
neither of us have seen?"
He smiled but was saved from coming
up with ideas by the arrival of their breakfasts.
"Excuse me," she
said to the waitress. "We're new in town. And we'd like to go somewhere
fun or interesting or pretty. What do you suggest?"
"There's the zoo. The
science center. Or the art museum." The woman
smiled. "Or my favorite is the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame."
Buffy saw Giles smile. "I
think he's already been there."
Giles nodded.
"The Science Center is
fun?"
"My nephew likes
it," the waitress said. "A little over my head sometimes, but there's
lots of hands-on things." She left them alone.
"The art museum sounds
nice," Giles said as he dug into his eggs.
"I grew up with art,
remember? Mom and her gallery. Art and me: not so much."
"Fine, the science
center it is. I suppose I'm springing for admission?"
"Well, unless you see a
bank along the way where I can change some money. That would be fine."
"I think I can afford
it."
"Cool." She ate
with relish, loving the total American-ness of the Denney's experience, right down
to the little individual jams in the dual tower—but why were they always out of
the kind she wanted? Tons of marmalade for Giles and apple jelly. Who ate apple
jelly? Although, maybe that was the point. No one ate it, and if they left it
in the tower, they never had to restock it.
"Excuse me," she
said to a passing bus boy. "Can I get some other kinds of jam—grape and
strawberry? This just has apple."
He dug into the other towers,
brought her enough jams to take care of a loaf of toast.
"I think he's trying to
impress you," Giles said softly once the boy had gone.
"Yeah, well take a
lesson." She grinned at his expression. "So
I wonder if they have IMAX? Do you think they'll have IMAX? I love to sit right
in the middle and get sick."
"Oh, joy."
She laughed at his expression
and decided not to spoil any more of their potential fun.
##
There was IMAX, but she
hadn't gotten sick, probably because Giles had carefully steered them away from
the middle seats—big wuss. They'd spent a lot of time in the place, carefully
not talking about things that needed to be said, just enjoying the day and each
other and the cool sciencey things.
As he drove them back to the
hotel, she closed her eyes and relished not being on call, not being in charge.
"Are you tired?" Giles
voice was tender. Had he always sounded that way with her? He'd been concerned.
Parental. But this was different. This was...grown up.
Should that bother her? That
he sounded more like a boyfriend than a watcher, than the father figure he used
to be?
"Are you tired?" It
was the first trick of not answering a question. Ask it right back.
"I am. Full day."
But she knew he didn't mean
that the way most people would. Full day, but not full of death. Not full of
fighting and worry and dread. A full...normal day.
It felt great. "Yeah."
He parked in the same space
she had chosen, turned and said, "Do you want me to—"
"Yes. Come in."
"Buffy, you need to be
sure about this. I won't be coming in for you to save me. I won't be coming in
for coffee. I'll be coming in for one reason—to be with you."
She made a face. "Oh. I
just wanted you to show me how the pay-per-view works."
He laughed—fortunately. Could
have gone either way. "That was
a bit overdone, wasn't it?"
"No," she said,
serious now and leaning toward him, touching his cheek. "No, it wasn't. I'm
just...nervous."
"Are you?"
She nodded.
"Are you sure you want
to do this?"
"Are you sure you
do?"
He took a deep breath. "Buffy,
I'm in love with you. It's one of the reasons I volunteered when Faith asked
for help."
"You didn't want
this?"
He turned and touched her
hair. "There were so many reasons why this was not a good idea. And you
and Xander seemed to be growing closer. I...didn't
want to interfere. I also didn't want to stay and watch."
"Oh." She shook her
head. "He's just my friend, Giles. He and I...we're
connected. He saved me. That first time—he brought me back to life. But we're
not..."
"He might feel
differently, Buffy. Perhaps you should go back to Scotland and find out?"
"Perhaps I
shouldn't?" She opened her door and got out, then leaned down. "Coming?"
He got out and followed her
to the door. He met her eyes, and the look made her tingle way down in her
stomach. "I'm actually quite a good kisser."
"Sure
of yourself much?"
He shrugged—an amazingly sexy
movement for a watcher. But then he wasn't any watcher. He was Giles. Ripper. Rupert—could
she ever call him that?
As they walked into the
elevator, she asked, "If I always call you Giles, the way Scully always
called Mulder Mulder, will that freak you?"
"Buffy, I think hearing
Rupert coming out of your mouth would 'freak' me so much more."
She laughed. "Good."
She dug the key out of her pocket, handed it to him.
His smile was extra sexy,
too. Knowing and nervous and loving all at once.
They made it in record time
to the door; he didn't even fumble as he unlocked it. Then he held it for her,
ever the gentleman.
Once the door closed, the
awkward hit. There was a long moment, then she started to smile. "One of
us needs to make a move."
He leaned on the dresser, his
back to the mirror he'd searched for answers in last night. "Come
here."
"Bossy." But she
did what he said. Which was, quite possibly, a first.
He smoothed back her hair and
seemed to be studying her. "Losing Jill brought back memories of Glory's
tower. Burying you. God help me, it was never about Jill."
"It was. We're all one,
right? Slayers all."
"No, Buffy. There's
every other slayer and then there's you." He was rubbing her back, strong
hands moving up to her shoulders, then up her neck, to her cheeks. His grip was
firm as he held her, then he leaned in and kissed her.
He really was quite
outstanding in the kissage department. When he
finally let go of her and pulled away, she was a little off balance, and he
looked very pleased.
"Oh, get over
yourself." She pressed herself against him, holding his face the way he'd
held hers, grinding a little as she gave him a kiss guaranteed to make him weak
in the knees.
He was probably glad he
wasn't standing when she finished. "Oh, my."
"Fashion your seatbelt,
Watcher Guy."
He laughed as she drew him up
and led him to the bed. "There are no seatbelts in bed."
"Then I hope your health
insurance is up to date."
"I'm British, remember? Universal
coverage." He scooped her up suddenly, kissing her fiercely before tossing
her onto the bed. "I've wanted to do that for a while."
She laughed. "Who knew
you were the 'sweep her off her feet' kind of guy?"
"I've carried you
before."
"Yes, but the frenching part is new."
His chuckle was very sweet. Also very self-satisfied.
"Thought I wouldn't
notice the addition of tongue?" Not that he wasn't very good with that
tongue. She could imagine how many other ways that tongue might be put into
service.
"You're blushing,"
he said as he crawled onto the bed.
"Am I?" She mock
hit his arm. "Then it's all your fault."
He settled down next to her,
then lay still for a moment, studying her. "So many years we've known each
other."
She rolled so she could
cuddle against him. "Is that your subtle way of telling me I need
Botox?"
He laughed. "No. Although
I might."
"Lines make you look
distinguished. Besides, you've always had them. I'm just catching up."
For a moment, he looked like
that comment bothered him. Then he smiled. "This really doesn't bother
you, does it?"
She lay back, turning her
head so she could look at him. "Maybe it's a slayer thing. Live in the
moment—only not in the Faith-moment. But no, it doesn't bother me."
"Our past. I had a role
in it that had nothing to do with kissing you."
"I know. And that girl's
dead. She died once, and grew up some. And then she died again, and grew up
more."
His face was very grave.
"In the Hellmouth, when
we were fighting the Turok Han, I think I almost died
there, too."
"What?"
"I was stabbed. And I
fell. I even threw the axe to Faith. Gave up."
"You never told me
that."
"The First came to me. Wearing
my face, my clothes, my blood. Mocking me. That was the end, I think, of the
child inside me. That moment. Because I got up. And I fought on. And we won. And
when I ran for the bus, I could barely feel the wound. And when we stopped it
at the edge of the crater, it had healed to almost
nothing. And I don't understand it—but maybe I did die. One last time." She
pulled up her shirt, ran her fingers over the large, lumpy scar.
He touched her gently. "I
never knew."
"I didn't want you to
know. Didn't want anyone to know, I guess. I don't understand what happened. I
don't know how I got back up."
"I'm very glad you
did." He leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips. A quick kiss, but a
tender one.
"What would you have
done if I hadn't?"
"I thought you had
fallen. We left you behind and I felt dead inside." He pulled her close
and tucked his chin over her head, clutching her convulsively. "I would
have gone on. The girls needed me. But without you, I wouldn't have had much to
give them." He let her go, seemed to need her to see his face. "I
imagine I would have found a way to get myself killed."
"Like you were doing
last night?"
"If you'd checked my
coat pocket, you would have found a cross and a stake. I was angry and
depressed and acting stupidly. But you're still alive, so I don't want to
die."
"That's a lot of
responsibility to put on me, Giles. Because odds are, I will die. You'll
probably outlive me, even with the head start you have."
"I know." His voice
was very bleak. "I'm not sure I like us very much. Or me, anyway. What
kind of man does this? Sends girls out to die?"
"We went over this. The
kind of man who has to."
"You're the best I've
ever seen and you've died twice. What chance do these children stand? I know
that and I try to pull away from them, not get too close. Just as you said
you're doing. But Jill was so much like myself that I couldn't. I wanted to
save her, Buffy. Make her a watcher, take her out of training."
"Did you tell her
that?"
He nodded. "I..."
"You what?"
"I forbade her to go out
patrolling that night. Told her she could have a different life. But she did
exactly what I did at that age."
"Rebelled?"
"Yes. She'd kept up on
her training with Faith. Enjoyed fighting as much as translating. I just didn't
want to see it."
Buffy sighed, so this was what
he'd been hiding, what he'd been obsessing over. Not Jill's death so much as
his own betrayal of...what? Jill? Buffy? Their horrible system?
She snuggled in against him
again. "As long as I've known you, you've always surprised me. Gone your
own way when you felt it was right. You threw out the slayer handbook because
it wouldn't have worked with me."
"I'd actually lost my
copy of it."
She laughed softly. "I
know you had words with Snyder over me being readmitted to school. You
intervened in the Cruciamentum—although you did lose
points for subjecting me to that at all."
"Understood."
"You quit the Council
for me. You never stopped helping me. It surprised me when you left me alone
with my life after they brought me back. But you thought it was best. You
thought killing Spike was best, too." She could feel him tense. "And
now you did this. For Jill. Not against the Council, but against me,
right?"
"Ultimately, yes. I
betrayed you. And for what? She still died."
Buffy held him for a moment,
then she leaned up, whispered in his ear. "There was a girl who came to us
just after you left. Barely fifteen and the worst fighter I've ever seen. No
killer instinct—she used to set flies free outside instead of swatting them. I
sent her home, Giles. I taught her basic self-defense and what weapon to use
against what baddie, and then I sent her home and told her to call us if she
needed us."
"You let her live."
"Maybe. Maybe she'll do
worse than if I'd kept her with us. But I did what I thought was right."
"How did the other girls
take it?"
"She would have been a
liability. Someone they couldn't trust to have their backs. Someone they'd have
had to look out for. No one said anything." She felt his arms tighten
around her. "This is our brave new world, Giles, and we're going to
have to make the rules up as we go. If you find a slayer like Jill, who really
does want to be a watcher instead of a slayer, we'll make her one. Okay?"
"All right." He
held her tightly, more tightly than she thought he might have done if she
wasn't the slayer. She didn't return the favor—he could be surprisingly strong,
but he was still a normal human.
Finally, he let her go.
She sank back and smiled as
he took his glasses off and set them on the nightstand then moved closer.
"Buffy, do you mind if
we stop talking for a while?"
"So
I can't talk during this?" She kept her voice light, trying to get them to
happier ground.
"Well, that would be asking the impossible."
"I think there might be
times you want me to talk. Like, for instance, if you're doing something
particularly nice. Or do you prefer no feedback?"
He was laughing as he kissed
along her cheek, to her ear, down her neck. It made her shiver,
he knew exactly where to touch and for how long.
"Or maybe you're a 'talk
dirty to me' kind of guy?"
"Yes, that's exactly
what I am. Show me what a gutter mouth you have." He chuckled as he moved
lower, unbuttoning her shirt as he went—why had she chosen a shirt that
conveniently unbuttoned all the way?
"Sorry, you'll need
Faith for the real trash talk."
"I prefer you. Besides,
she's taken."
"Is she? Really?" Buffy
shook her head. "I wouldn't have seen the two of them making it."
"Perhaps the rule should
be no talking about other people during this?"
"Fine. Shutting
up." She busied herself with playing with his hair as he kept going with
the shirt. She expected him to work back up to her chest, but he launched a
full attack on her jeans, pulling them off quickly, underwear following.
Her surprise faded to bliss
as he put that tongue to just the use she'd been thinking about. She was making
sounds—no one could really call them words—in no time.
Then he worked his way back
up to her chest. She kissed him when he finally got back in range.
"So," he asked,
whispering into her ear as he bit the lobe gently. "Any complaints about
my technique so far?"
She laughed and pushed him to
his back, making just as short work of his bottoms as he'd made of hers. She
climbed on top of him, didn't wait, didn't have to. He was ready, so was she.
It felt amazing. It felt
strange—she was making love with her watcher, and maybe it should wig her out
and maybe it shouldn't. Right now she didn't really
care, just wanted to move and kiss and touch. She saw his face contort with
pleasure, felt a tingling that signaled her own wasn't far away, so she threw
her head back and rode the feeling out.
She was having sex with Giles
and it was really, really good.
##
She woke to a soft tapping,
felt Giles murmur something as she moved out from under his arm, pulling the
sheet over him as she commandeered the blanket as a wrap.
Faith stood in the hall, a knowing
look on her face. "Had to knock awhile."
"I was in the
bathroom."
Faith gave her outfit a once
over. "You don't own a robe?"
"I forgot to pack
it."
"I'm willing to bet
Watcher Boy forgot to pack his. He's still in there, right?"
Buffy nodded.
Faith pushed open the door
just enough to peek in. "Ooh, yes, looks like a naked watcher and slayer. Robin
so owes me a steak dinner."
"You bet on this?"
Faith shrugged. "We're
talking filet mignon. With fixings. I don't play around when that's on the
table."
Buffy rolled her eyes.
"I guess he's feeling
better?" Faith looked way too pleased with herself. "He better be. We slayers have mad skills."
"Right, that's just how
he put it, too."
Faith laughed. "So, you
sticking around for a spell?"
"I can't stay long. But
yeah, I'll be here for the week maybe?"
"And then...?"
"And then I'll send you
someone else to help with the new slayers, and he can come back to Scotland. Vi
and Rona are getting bored sitting around in the castle training new girls on
scenarios alone. They'd probably love to be on a real hellmouth again."
"Two slayers for one
watcher? I'll take that deal." Faith grinned. "Okay, I'm going to
motor. You get back in there. Enjoy yourself." She leaned in. "He's
good, right? I always thought he'd be good."
"He's good."
"Robin's better." Faith
winked at her, then skipped away.
Giles was awake, eyes open. "Good
morning," he said, his voice smooth, the voice that had murmured so many
naughty things in her ears. For a repressed Brit, he had no problem expressing
himself.
"Faith was here."
"So
I gathered. We were, I take it, the object of some bet?"
"Do you have super
hearing or something?"
He smiled. "The walls
are very thin, Buffy."
So their neighbor had heard them going at it for a good
part of the night. Oh, well.
She moved toward him,
dropping the blanket as she walked. He held the sheet open for her to crawl in,
pulled her to him, and kissed her.
His breath wasn't the best. Hers
wasn't, either. Neither of them seemed to care. He was ready, and he made sure
she was, too. What else could they do but seize the moment?
"So
you want me to come back to Scotland?" he asked as she kissed her way down
to a specific piece of his anatomy. "And you'll stay here a week or
so?"
She was not in a position to
talk, so she just nodded.
"You want me to come
back as your lover?"
She nodded again.
"And not a secret
one?"
She let him go, looked up. "If
you don't shut up, I will not do this."
He smiled. "So sorry. Please,
continue."
She put her slayer wiles—and
mouth—to the job. In no time, she had him whimpering for mercy. Eventually, she
showed him that mercy.
He pulled her up, kissing her
as he caught his breath. She could feel his heart pounding, then the way it
slowed back to resting rate. He was in good shape.
"I love you," he
whispered.
"I love you, too. And
yes, I stay here awhile, and then you come back to Scotland, as my lover, and
not a secret one."
He yawned, then smiled as she
pouted. "I know it's stereotypically male of me. But I am quite tired. You
and I did not get much sleep last night."
"Well, the 'Do Not
Disturb' sign is up on the door. So if you want to get
some more sleep, I guess..."
He pulled her to him, doing
something to her back where he ran his fingers barely over her skin, causing
her to shiver. She closed her eyes, relaxing under his touch.
When she woke up a few hours
later, he was still asleep, and he looked peaceful and she let him be, cuddling
against him as she made plans for who to send with Vi and Rona, and what girls
needed to move up in training back in Scotland.
He woke a half hour later. Blinking
and smiling when he saw her. "You must be terribly bored if you've been
awake this whole time."
"Not this whole time. I
slept some, too."
"Good." He moved
away from her enough to stretch. "Did you want to do something
today?"
"I want to go to the
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I want you to show it to me, and tell me things
about groups that you loved and I've only heard of because Oz liked your album
collection."
He smiled. "If you
insist."
"I do." She handed
him his glasses. "So, along with Rona and Vi, I think I'll send Clarice
and Maura."
"Good choices. Rendella was getting a bit restive just before I left. Has
she settled down any?"
"No, but she's not good
yet at guarding anyone's flank but her own. She has to learn to play well with
others."
"I trust your
judgment." He seemed to put it out of his mind. "I need a
shower."
"We both do. Are you a
'shower together' or 'shower is me time' kind of guy?"
He thought about it. "Well,
this morning, I think I'm a 'shower together' chap. But there may be times I
need that me time."
"I totally get it.
Besides, you so don't need to watch me deep condition my hair or shave my
legs."
"Sadly, I'm far enough
gone that I'd probably find either activity charming."
She kissed him. "Very
good answer, Giles." Pulling him up, she said, "You can even sing to
me if you want. In the shower."
"Something loud and
modern?"
"No." She smiled
and kissed him again. "Make it something romantic."
FIN