DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc and Viacom. The story contents are the creation and property of Djinn and are copyright (c) 2023 by Djinn. This story is Rated PG-13.

Now You Know

by Djinn

You see Christine in your normal booth in the lounge and are about to duck out when she turns around, some kind of friend ESP helping her find you. She holds up her hands like "WTF?"

You take a deep breath and walk to the booth, murmuring, "I am Erica Ortegas and I fly this ship."

It doesn't help.

"Hey, where have you been?" She's watching you as you slip into the booth, her aquamarine eyes the ones you see in your dreams.

You thought maybe, someday, she might see your brown ones in hers. When she finally gives up on Spock. Or when he finally pulls the trigger and actually marries the woman he said he was going to rather than flirting unrelentingly with the woman you want.

The woman you love.

The woman who may love you as a friend but clearly doesn't love you the way you do her.

When your memories were gone, the lift door opened and you saw her and for a moment, you knew you were exactly where you were supposed to be. You felt so safe and warm and were about to reach out, but she turned and walked away.

They explained it when it was over. Love could pull you a little bit out of the radiation amnesia. Like couldn't.

You wish Spock had left the bridge, that he and Christine had crossed each others' paths because then they'd know for sure. Does he love her; does she love him? Or is it just lust?

It would give her closure. It would give her a reason to look elsewhere—like...at you.

Even if you know she won't. She values your friendship, and she dumps guys who get too close. She knows you too well to not know you'd want in all the way once you got her in your bed, in your arms, in your world.

You'd make her your world if she'd let you.

But she won't.

"Erica?" Her voice is sweet and concerned. She's such a good friend.

Why can't that be enough?

"Had some pilot stuff to take care of."

"You seem sad. There will be another landing party with your name on it."

"If you say so." Easier to do this, pretend like you miss the chance to play dress up. You do not want to show her that your heart's more than a little bit broken.

A server brings your normal drinks. You lift yours and say, "To friendship."

"Yeah." She lifts hers and drinks, her lips touching down softly on the rim of the glass.

You wish she could understand how envious you are of that glass.

She never will.

FIN