DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters
are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc and Viacom. The story contents are
the creation and property of Djinn and are copyright (c) 2024 by Djinn. This
story is Rated R.
The Sacredness of Tears (Part 2)
by Djinn
4.
Shaw
had set the flitter to fly them around the area, taking in the breathtaking
scenery as they drank the wine he'd stashed in the
picnic basket.
"I've
been going on and on. You've been listening." Seven took his hand and ran
her fingers lightly over his palm; the feeling was both highly arousing and
relaxing at the same time. "I remember what Vadic
said."
"About
me being still functional?" He leaned his head against hers. "I'm
going to tell you my story but I'm going to do it as a fairy tale because
it's—"
"Easier?"
"I
was going to say more fun." He laughed softly at her expression.
"Once upon a time there was a dipshit from Chicago who joined
Starfleet."
"On
first try?"
"Yeah."
"Already
ahead of me." She laughed softly. "Sorry, go on, my prince."
"Oh,
no. I am no prince. In fact, I'm the kind of guy that doesn't usually get
featured in fairy tales. Totally average. Unless you want engineering talent.
Then I'm aces."
"So you're the guy who shows up in the third act and saves
everyone by doing something to some doohickey." She was still playing with
his hand and he sighed and leaned into it for a moment—just being with her.
Knowing that this didn't have to end made him so happy.
"Pretty
much, yeah. So this average Joe wanders into a great
big war between two huge powers. And even though he's not a fighter, he's doing
his best to keep the engines up even though he's way down in the pecking order
in engineering."
'Was
he an ensign?"
"No.
I was enlisted." He met her eyes. "After Wolf, much as like now,
there was such a shortage of engineering officers that a lot of us who showed
talent—and managed to survive the battle—were given a quick OCS course and
turned back out as officers. To fucking lead people." He could feel his
hand shaking in her grasp and she put it between her palms and pressed down,
her warmth and the metal of her implant somehow grounding him.
"Go
back to the fairy tale."
"Yeah,
you were right. It is easier. But so far not so fun. So
this dipshit found himself suddenly a nobleman. But the problem was, he never
knew why he was saved. There were ten people saved by an officer that day and
he was one of them. And he could look around that escape pod as their ship
exploded behind them and give a reason for every single one of the other nine
being included. But not himself." He was back in the pod, counting off
character and qualifications and coming up blank once he worked his way back
around to himself. "And he knew he was the last one picked. So, really, it
could easily have been someone else."
He
knew he was straying away from the fairytale method but he could hear the
explosions on the ship before they boarded the pod. The lack of screams because
his crewmates were professionals. They died working, trying...fighting. And on
the loudspeaker, the voice of the Borg. Locutus.
Picard.
A man he still did his best to avoid only now it wasn't because he was afraid
of him. Now he just didn't want to be collateral damage in the man's wake. He'd
had it done to him once and chosen it the second time, but a third time? No
fucking way.
He
felt Seven start to massage his hand and loved that she was just waiting. Not
jumping in to get him going or to put her spin on it. Just giving him the time and space he needed.
And
he'd done that for her. Willingly and with the kind of patience he thought only
one survivor could show another.
"The
dipshit could have taken the normal route to act out: too much wine, some wacky
herbals, gambling, picking fights. But no, he decided to become a thrill
seeker. Tempting death to come get him since it missed him the first
time." He met her eyes; hers were full of understanding. "I didn't
walk into a hail of disruptor fire, but that's only because I'm not a fighter.
Extreme sports, signing up for dangerous missions and hoping I could be the
hero who died for everyone else—to pay my fucking ticket for this second chance
I didn't think I deserved. It's called survivor's guilt. It should probably be
called survivor's psychosis. I was out of control."
She
nodded.
"So then this dipshit's father finally reached though all the
pain and fear and guilt and helped him reset. And the dipshit began to find his
way again. To his shock he was promoted repeatedly, first within engineering
and later into command. Because he had a safety record that put others' to shame." He went very quiet. This was the
part he never said out loud. "When the dipshit's father helped him reset,
it unfortunately wasn't to baseline. It was a kneejerk back to being terrified.
All the fucking time. And that terror translated into keeping his people safe
at all costs." He realized his eyes were welling up. "He was dead
inside."
He
pulled her to him, kissed her desperately and she met him with the same
desperation but just for a moment. Then she slowed and eventually stopped, her
lips on his as she said, "Finish the story, Liam. Does he meet his
princess?" She eased away to meet his eyes.
"She's
not a princess. She's a warrior and a tactician and a goddess and a worthy
sparring partner both in the ring at the gym and verbally. And he found himself
trying to be a better person, to see the brightness in life that was there
every time she was in the room."
"Unless
they were arguing."
"No,
even then. Because arguing was a sign of life from him. He was willing to
engage with her when with his other seconds, he'd just done his thing and
they'd done theirs and they were a command team in name only. But finally he met the person who would drag him back kicking
and screaming to the land of the living." He took a deep breath.
"Until she brought the devil onto his ship."
"I
didn't bring him on the ship."
"Okay,
but the devil came and then she wanted the poor terrified dipshit to interact
with the devil on his ship."
"Dinner.
I asked for one dinner."
"Fine,
a great feast was to be held. And the dipshit was nearly paralyzed with fear.
But he'd honed one skill before his non-Princess showed up. The fine art of
sarcasm."
She
laughed and nodded.
"And
he spent the dinner and before and after eviscerating anyone in his wake with
that sarcasm."
She
nodded, not laughing.
"And
then they stole one of his horses and his non-Princess helped them, and he felt
so betrayed because she was supposed to be loyal to him."
"She
knows and she's sorry," she whispered.
He
took her hand, began drawing mathematical symbols he knew she'd recognize.
"But then, even though she had to goad him into it, even though he'd been
hiding from everything in his special room, the dipshit was so pissed that he
went and did something so fucking stupid he will go to his grave wondering why
Starfleet didn't put him on report."
"He
flew his ship into a goddamned tractor beam, that's what he did. I have never
been prouder of you."
"Were
you ever proud of me, though? That could be a low bar."
She
cackled and he grinned—God, he loved that laugh because she couldn't fake it.
"And
that was the moment the dipshit began to let go of the past. It took more
explosions and being a little bitch because this is me
we're talking about. One very dramatic monologue in front of some of my crew
and my bogeyman and his spawn to get it out there. But in my defense, the
spawn's Mommy makes one hell of a painkiller cocktail. Encourages honesty
vomiting. I wonder if she used to use that on Picard when he was in sickbay and
she was tired of his shit?"
Seven
cackled again and he felt a lightness filling him that telling his story didn't
normally bring. "But then... Our dipshit decided to become a hero. An
asshole hero. Very underrated character type. And he wanted so badly to let his
non-Princess know that he was crazy about her, that he would give anything for
just one kiss, but the time was never right." He pulled her on top of him
and kissed her for a very long time. "He was so in love with her. And his
greatest fear had changed from being afraid to meet the Borg again to finding
out that the love he felt was completely unrequited. That he'd gone too far,
been too mean, and lost his chance. And then he died, and he—I saw you with
Raffi. And I didn't know if we'd had anything, but I could tell Raffi would die
protecting you. And that was all right. If you loved her or if you didn't,
she'd have your back the way I often didn't."
"It's
okay," she murmured, wiping his eyes as he let himself cry for all the time he'd fucking wasted being a dick. When she was
everything.
Goddamn
everything.
"There's
an epilogue, Liam."
"The
part where you brought me back to life physically after bringing me back to
life emotionally?"
"Okay
there are two epilogues." She began to undo his pants, then lifted up so
he could pull hers down. As she settled onto him, moving so carefully, her eyes
never leaving him, she said, "After all that was over. After they promoted
you again and gave you a nice safe place far away from the chaos I can bring,
you saved me."
"You
saved yourself, Seven. I was just here."
He
saw her eyes well up, tracked the first tear as it fell, then caught the
second.
"No,
you knew what I'd need to be safe. That's your superpower, Liam. Ensuring
safety. I counted on it then, and I count on it now." She kissed him and
it had never been a more tender kiss, she rode him and it was not lust or
passion that was driving this. He could feel it, like a live current arcing
between them.
This
was love. The love he'd always wanted but had given up so long ago on having.
Maybe after Wolf. Maybe before. It was hard to remember a time when happiness
was a goal, when reasonably content didn't seem fine. "I love you, Seven
of Nine. I can't wait to watch you be a captain. I just can't fucking wait."
She
laughed and kissed him, and this time it wasn't tender. This time it was harder
and she was moving faster, and he loved that too. They were both mercurial even
if they were stubborn as bulls—a combination that perhaps only worked with each
other. He gave up pondering that as she climaxed, as the feeling of her going
sent him right after her.
They
both had tears drying on their faces as they came down, and huge smiles as
well.
It
was the best dichotomy. And something he only ever wanted with her.
##
As
they landed back at the cabin, Seven stopped Liam
before he could go inside. "I think I need to talk to Raffi. I think she
might need some honesty too."
"Okay,
do you want the house?"
"No,
let me get the fires going—"
"Babe,
do you really think I haven't been paying attention? I'll make the fires. You
make your call."
"The
sunset is going to be beautiful. Sit out on the porch if you want. I'll be on
the log by the firepit. I'll join you when I'm done." She kissed him
quickly, then walked around to the front of the house, sitting on the log that
was almost driftwood and was chained to spikes in the ground—no doubt so it
wouldn't float away during unusually high tides.
She
punched in Raffi's code and she answered immediately. "Are you all right?"
"I
am." She reached out and touched the screen and saw Raffi visibly relax.
"I want to be open with you. About something that I know bothered you but
I wouldn't talk."
"Okay."
"I
never explained why I wouldn't fully commit to the scenario of being a family
with you and Elnor."
Raffi's
expression changed. "No, you didn't."
"When
Voyager first got home, Icheb was with
Chakotay and me. For the first few weeks until he moved into the Academy. We
were..."
"A
family." Raffi's voice was infinitely kind, and she nodded.
"But
a Starfleet family. Which was pretty fucking ironic when you consider Chakotay
was head of a Maquis cell and Icheb was an Ex-B like
me." She looked away, trying to hide the pain she always felt when she
thought of Starfleet's rejection. "I was the odd one out. Starfleet
rejected me. After everything I had been through. After they let my parents
take me on that stupid mission. After..." She shook her head, fighting for
control. "They just said no. And that began the downward slide of my
family. Chakotay was considering next missions, with me as...a tag along. Icheb was so happy at the Academy that I didn't want to
burden him with how alone I felt. I did go to Kathryn though. She threatened to
resign if Starfleet didn't let me in. I didn't think Starfleet would let her go
that far so I didn't stop her but then Chakotay told me that maybe Starfleet
might like her gone. Because of all the things we'd done in the Delta
Quadrant."
"He
chose her over you."
"He
loves her. He always will. But I owed her. And I owed Icheb
a happy life. And I didn't owe Chakotay a fucking thing, but being with someone
who doesn't want you—for whom you were second best, if that—sucks. So I just left. Clean break. The unstable Borg. Show them
Starfleet had been right. Only Icheb kept in touch.
He tracked me down on his break. My boy. We never lost touch again."
"Am
I Chakotay or you in this story?"
She
laughed. "Neither. It's an imperfect analogy. But, at the point we met,
family didn't mean the same thing to me that it did to you. We were both
estranged, and I thought that would be something that made us strong together.
But you left your family. I mean, yes, they rejected you for it, but you left
them first, right?"
Raffi
nodded.
"My
parents were horrible. Then I thought I had a new family in my crewmates, but
they just let me disappear into the far reaches. I thought..." She looked
down. "I thought Elnor and I were bonding when
we were on the Artifact. I felt what I'd felt for Icheb,
just a little. But when Picard died, he sought you out, not me. I found solace
with booze and Rios."
"You
and him?"
"He
was gone for Agnes. It was a mistake that we didn't make again. But I think it
was what we both needed that night. And then you happened, Raffi. Force of
fucking nature." She grinned. "So gorgeous. So smart. And with the
boy I'd grown to care for. And then you both went into Starfleet and I was
standing outside again, looking in."
"Oh,
Seven. Why didn't you tell me?"
"That
I'm a reject? That I didn't have a son too because I'd gotten him killed? You
know the story." She had told her all of it. Loved her enough for that.
"I pulled away and watched the two of your
prosper. You, sober, in Starfleet again, and doing so well. Him, his sweet
soul, the first Romulan cadet." She looked down. "Did he even miss
me?"
"He
did. He still does."
"Do
you think he might like to be on our ship?" She realized she was crying.
Again. But this time it wasn't the test forcing the tears out anymore than it had been when she'd told Liam about Icheb. This was pain she'd pushed so far inside that it was
ripping her up to finally deal with it.
"He's
asked me about it. I wasn't sure if you would want him."
"I
do. What do you think he wants to do?"
"I'm
not sure yet."
"He
could cross train with Jack."
"Are
you sure you want that combo running loose on the ship?"
"I
know. But they might even each other out." She laughed at the
possibilities. "I'll contact him. Talk to him about this."
"Thank
you, Seven." Her smile was grateful and beautiful.
"If
I hurt you, I'm really sorry."
"If
I hurt you with that test, I'm really sorry too. I just found it so
useful."
"I
think Liam and I figured out why it glitched on me. And it wasn't a Borg thing.
I talked to Kathryn—she's having them look into my hypothesis."
"You
and Liam." Her voice was resigned, and not in an angry way. "He's
good for you, isn't he?"
"He
really is. And I love him. And...he's going to be on
the ship. But not as part of the crew. It's a special project. They're putting
people in this group on ships all over the fleet. He wanted to be on his
ship."
"No,
honey. He wanted to be on yours." Her expression was amused and loving and
so incredibly generous.
Seven
knew she wouldn't have been if she were in her place. "I do love you,
Raffi. I know you think I kept you at arm's length, but you're the first person
I really trusted after Bjayzl. After...all of it. And
that means something. You have my loyalty. I have your back."
"And
I have yours."
They
just stared at each other for a long moment.
"I'm
going to go, Raffi. We want to watch the sunset. It's just starting to get
golden. Do you want to see it?"
"You
sure you want me to have a clue where you are?"
She
turned the camera on so Raffi could see it and said, "Raff, I know you.
You've probably known where I was this whole time."
"Damn
that's beautiful. And yes. Yes, I have."
##
He
was sitting on the top step of the porch, drinking scotch and watching Seven as
she talked to Raffi. He could tell by the set of her shoulders that the call
started out tense but then it softened. When she held the padd up so, he
assumed, Raffi could see the sunset, he felt a little pang.
She
was such a good person. Life had kicked her around and still there was an
underlying sweetness.
She
put the padd in her pocket and hurried up the stairs, wiping her eyes. He
handed her the bourbon he'd ordered and she sat next to him on the porch and
leaned into him as he put his arm around her.
"Everything
okay?"
"More
than."
He
looked over at her with a deep frown.
"Oh,
no. I don't mean she and I are getting back together." She was laughing as
she kissed him. "You need to get over that fear."
"But
she's drop-dead gorgeous, scary good with a bladed weapon, a much better shot
than I am, and you loved her first."
"Yeah but I loved Chakotay before her. I can move on."
She pulled back and studied him. "You never talk about your exes."
"I
sure don't."
"Judging
from the exquisite ways you fuck me, you have had
some."
"I
have." He sighed. "I'm not easy to live with."
"Why
not? I've seen your quarters. They're neat as a pin."
"Yeah and I don't like mess."
"Nor
do I." She made a hand gesture that seemed to say "What else you
got?"
"I'm
moody?"
"You?
I had no idea." She was laughing at him like he was an idiot. "Also you have advanced degree in sarcasm and speaking your
mind."
"Which
you do also."
She
frowned. "Is there something you don't want to tell me because you think
it'll be a deal breaker?"
"Sleep
is an enemy much of the time. So if I'm actually
sleepy, I go to bed. I skip dinner and I usually sleep through the night. I
don't care how early it is or what else is on the schedule. Unless we had plans
with other people. Then I'd stay up but I'd yawn a lot and a lot of people read
that as bored rather than dead tired." He sighed. "But then other
times I can't sleep or don't want to because it's a bad time for nightmares,
and my partner wants me to come to bed."
"If
you weren't tired and I wanted you to come to bed to fuck me and cuddle me
until I fall asleep and then go do whatever the hell you want, would that be a
problem?"
"I
can't imagine fucking you will ever be a problem."
"And
the snuggling?"
He
nuzzled her neck. "I love the snuggling. What if I left our quarters once
you were asleep?"
"We're
not joined at the hip."
"What
if it was before you were asleep?"
"Liam,
hips, separate. Plus see above: I'll be asleep soon."
"What
if I do it a lot?"
"If
you've done your job and fucked me into oblivion, why would I care where you
are?"
"What
if I'm hanging out with Ohk and some other buddies
playing games?"
"Is games a euphemism for sex?"
"No,
you know, table-top games, video games, pool. Whatever."
"Why
is Ohk not sleeping?"
He
laughed. "That's not the part you're supposed to pick up on."
"Liam,
if I'm sleeping, so long as you're not cheating on me or organizing a mutiny, I
really don't give a shit what you do. The real question is how will you feel if
I'm having a day like that and you want to sleep?"
"I'll
sleep."
"What
if I'm up and you're up and you want to go play games with them."
He
knew his grin was wicked. "It's going to be a while before I want to play
games with the gang if you are also awake. Maybe we'll make love until we both
fall asleep."
"So
far I'm not seeing a problem." She put her head on his shoulder and said,
"The snow on the mountains looks pink in this light."
"I
really like it here, Sev."
"We'll
have to come back. Not like you don't know the owners." She sipped her
drink. "I'm going to talk to Elnor. I'd like him
on the ship. Raffi wasn't sure if he should ask me or not. Or if she should for
him. I'll talk to him. I loved him. I shouldn't have let him get away even if
Raff and I ended things."
"Your
heart is so big and so mushy. I'm going to forget that sometimes, and you need
to remind me of this moment. Sunset over Hood Canal. It can be our code for 'Be
nicer to me because I'm not as tough as I seem.'"
"I
like that. Do you know why Alandra is working with
her father at the museum?"
"I
don't. You want her too?"
She
nodded.
"Have
you found a new science officer."
"I'm
promoting Vilneau from beta shift and we're interviewing
widely for someone to take gamma when Sovok moves up
to beta."
"I
was always impressed with Martinez when she filled in for Sovok."
"I'm
leaning that way too. But I don't want to rule out others I might not consider
if I didn't interview them."
He
turned to her, touched her temple. "See, when it comes to some things, you
like to make measured decisions. That's a function of you, not the test."
Her
smile was brilliant. "True. But I'm also looking to backfill if I go with
my gut and pick Martinez."
He
smiled. "That's how I'd do it too."
They
were quiet for a while, just enjoying the sunset, when she said softly, "I
was shocked when you picked me."
"I
was a little shocked when I picked you too, to be honest." He laughed.
"You were neck and neck with another candidate. And I won't lie—the Borg
affiliation gave me pause—but I enjoyed our interview more. And I've had this
dream of having a command team like I got to enjoy when I was first officer and
hadn't found yet."
"Enjoyed
our interview more how?"
"How
quick you were. How much you knew about engineering and science and then your
life experience. I know a lot of people disparage the rangers, but I'm not one
of them. I saw how much of a difference they made to people who were outside
the normal routes of Federation patrols when I was chief engineer on the Baku."
"I
remember that ship. It would pop in unannounced."
"Yep.
Try to help. Probably didn't. But you do what you can." He realized what
she'd said. "So we might have been out there at
the same time?"
"Very
probably."
"I
was a lieutenant commander back then. The ship was a small one, everyone got a
chance to do big jobs with not as much rank. If I'd seen you..." He knew
his smile was too big but he didn't try to cut it back. Or stop from waggling
his eyebrows at her in a silent plea.
"You
want me to go in and make a period correct uniform for you, don't you?"
"And
your ranger outfit for you. Pleeeeease?"
She
laughed and threw back her drink. "Fine. Let me get it started. You know
how long it takes." She was out a moment later with a refill for them
both. "This may not go the way you think. I'm not going to be a pushover
for you like I am now."
"The
words 'pushover' and 'you' don't generally occur simultaneously in my
mind." He pulled her in and kissed her deeply. "Just in case you end
up beating me up instead of making this a fun fantasy."
She
was almost giggling. "I can just see Kathryn's face as you call her and
say, 'I think I might like to be on some other ship.'"
"Seven
was mean to me."
"So mean." She twined her hand with his. "Were you
attracted to me when you first saw me?"
"Yes
and no."
"No
because of the Borg parts?"
"Oh,
no. Your implants are hot as fuck, Seven. No, it's the way I process
attraction. I have surface level attraction to a pretty woman the same way I do
to a cool engineering panel."
"I
think you probably feel more for the panel."
He
laughed. "And this is why we will make it. You understand me. So yeah.
It's a moment of 'Wow, she's hot' and then I move on. But get my mind engaged,
get my dander up through a good sarcasm fest, and I'm yours. So
the no part was that I didn't know you well enough to tell if we'd gel that
way. If I'd known that not only would you be able to
hold your own in a sarcasm smack-down but also be so talented at engineering, I
might have been scared."
"Why?"
"Because
love is scary. No one can hurt you the way someone you truly love can."
"That
is definitely true."
The
replicator pinged.
Seven
got up. "Two outfits as ordered. What is the scenario? I'm going to change
in the bedroom and get into character." Her smile was a little bit scary.
"I do not suggest trying to pick me up in a bar."
"Your
ship died. Near the ship I'm stationed on. I was sent over to help you."
She
started to laugh. "So the old service call turns
into sex trope?"
"There's
a reason it's a classic."
She
laughed and it was free and easy and he loved her so much for it.
"Fine."
They
went in together and he got his uniform and changed in the spare bedroom. Then
tried to get back to that version of himself. He'd loved that job, and timewise
it was far enough away from Wolf for him to not be a basket case if he saw an ex Borg.
He
came out of the room and saw that Seven was in her Ranger outfit and it was all
he could do not to walk over to her, tell her to forget the stupid scenario,
and push her up against the wall. Goddamn, she looked amazing. He was surprised
criminals hadn't just given themselves up for a chance to be near her.
But
he kept in character. "Ma'am? Captain Nakati
sent me to work on your engine. I'm Lieutenant Commander Shaw."
She
turned. "I can fix it myself. I asked your captain for parts,
not...you." Arrogance and disdain fairly dripped off her.
He
could feel annoyance build. "Well, it's like this. People—not you, of
course, but unscrupulous types—like to say they're experiencing engine trouble.
They tell us what parts they need. They then sell said parts on the black
market because nothing is wrong with their engines. So now I have to come over
and take a look and then install it and take your old one so if you are lying
and I somehow missed that, you'll need the one I gave you. Or do you just want
me to take this swanky new part and go back to my ship?"
"Let
me talk to the chief engineer. I have complaints about your attitude."
"I
am the chief engineer."
She
lifted an eyebrow, but he could tell she was impressed with his improv. "I
see. Carry on, then."
"Thanks,
ma'am."
"Quit
calling me that."
"Okay,
Ranger Hansen." He was taking a chance with that and he knew it.
"Seven.
Call me Seven."
"Whatever
floats your boat." He lay down on the mattress and pretended to be getting
under a panel. "Oh, yeah, you do need a new one."
"As
I said..." Suddenly she was on the floor next to him, studying his pretend
panel. "Also, this keeps sliding. Should it?" She pointed to where
something actually might be that would slide if it was failing.
"No.
Let me get the main thing in and I'll give this a full look. Unless you don't
want that?"
"No,
I'd...I'd appreciate that." She stayed underneath with him, moving when he
needed to shift position. "I'm sorry I was rude. You see a lot in this
job."
"I
bet." He pointed to a spot on the pretend panel. "Can you hold this
wire down for me." Once she had it, he said, "Thanks," and
started working around her hand, brushing it lightly every so often as he
moved. "You work alone as a Ranger?"
"Generally."
"Isn't
that lonely?"
"Why?
Are you offering to make it less lonely?"
"Fuck,
you're a bitch." It was out before he could call it back.
She
burst into laughter—the cackle laughter—but did not break character. "Some
guys like their women mean."
"Yeah,
well, some guys like their women stupid."
"Intelligence
turns you on?"
"Yep."
"Does
the fact that I could probably fix this engine faster than you if I had the
right tools also turn you on?"
"Little
bit, yeah." He smiled, the crooked full smile he usually tried to hold
back, but she was so fucking fun to role-play with.
"I
think it's a bit more than a little, Commander."
"Ranger
Han—Seven, I'm trying to work."
"What's
your first name, Shaw?"
"Liam."
"You
have pretty eyes, Liam." She moved closer.
"Uh,
okay." He could feel himself getting hard. Then he glanced at her.
"Yours are pretty too."
"Do
you have someone special waiting for you on the ship or on Earth?"
"No."
"I've
been in space alone for a while, Commander."
He
met her eyes, tried to read what she wanted. It seemed like it was more than a
quickie on the mattress. He thought she wanted something a bit
more...complicated. "Ma'am, I'm just here to fix the panel."
She
raised her eyebrow and the disdain was back. "Suit yourself, Liam. But you
just threw away your only chance. There are plenty of others who'd like a taste
of this."
She
was out from under the pretend panel in a flash, moved off the mattress and
began to pace—or more accurately stomp—on the floor as he worked. He took the
time it would take to install the part, plus more to fix the sliding switch,
then a little more to move around and give the pretend panel a once over.
"The rest of this looks good. I fixed your slider and replaced the panel.
You can keep the old one. It's toast, but this kind sells well for scrap."
She
was standing, arms folded across her chest, expression saying she was clearly
over him. "You can see yourself out."
"I
bet that's what you say after you fuck a guy too. Kick them out before they've
even come down from the ride. You're hot as fuck, ma'am. And you smell nice.
And you do turn me on. But you didn't even say thank you for fixing your panel.
Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I like a woman who appreciates having me
around." He turned and walked toward the bedroom, where his imaginary
transport location was.
He
heard her boots coming hard and turned around just in time to be shoved up hard
against the wall between the two bedrooms. She seemed about to kiss him, so he
took advantage of her momentary distraction and spun her, pushing her hard
against the wall. She hit with an audible "Oof."
"You
don't get to do that to me, Ranger. I'm not one of your perps."
She
was breathing hard, her mouth open, and she put her hands on his shoulder and
pushed down gently. He resisted and thought he saw respect in her eyes.
"I
like things to be consensual. I like my women to actually like me before I give
them pleasure."
"I'm
liking you more and more. Please touch me." Her voice was husky and her
eyes half lidded as he smiled and slowly undid her pants. "Do you want me,
Commander?"
He
nodded as he put his hand down her pants and found her so wet it made him even
harder. "But if you're lonely, wouldn't it be nice to take it slow."
He eased her jacket off her, then her tank, then her bra and slowly kissed and
sucked her breasts until she said, "Please. I need to come."
He
scooped her up and carried her to the bed that still had a mattress and laid
her down gently. He pulled her boots off, then her pants and panties.
"You're
overdressed."
"Don't
worry about me." He arranged her with her fingers on her breasts and said,
"Play with them for me." Then he pushed her legs open and up so her
knees were bent and began to pleasure her. He could tell how close she was so
he backed off and heard her groan.
He
looked up. Her hand were no longer on her breasts.
"What did I say?"
"Make
me."
He
began to work her with his fingers as he reached with the other hand and got
her fingers pinched around her nipples the way he wanted. She was about to come
so he stopped again, and she swore and tried to reach down to finish herself
off, but he stopped her and put her hands back on her breasts, playing with her
nipples by controlling her fingers.
"Please?"
"You
get a lot nicer when you need something rather than just want it." He
kissed her tenderly. "Also, not yet."
He
moved up so he was lying next to her, lazily stroking her, building her back
up, and then stopping again just short of where she wanted to be. "Kiss me
like you mean it."
Her
lips on him were wild and needy and he reached down again, barely able to touch
her before she was ready to go so he stopped again.
"Put
your arms over your head and lie still."
She
did what he said, and he began to kiss his way to her breasts, sucking
hard—hard enough to make her cry out but in a good way. Then he slid back down
her body, tonguing her and again stopping short of the goal.
She
looked like she was losing patience and he didn't want her flipping him over so
he said, "I'm going to let you come now. But only if you ask nicely?"
"Please.
Please let me come."
"What's
in it for me?"
"You
can be inside me."
"Can
I fuck you hard and fast?"
She
nodded.
"What
if I want to fuck you slow, be sweet to you?"
She
nodded at that too.
"So
basically you just want me inside you and whatever I
do after that is up to me?"
"Yes.
Please."
"You're
so sensitive. Let's see how much it takes to get you there." He licked
her, slowly getting closer to his target as she writhed and lifted herself into
his mouth. He pulled away long enough to make her think he was going to keep
her waiting again, then he went back down, sucking on her clit. She came with
almost a scream, was shuddering so hard he broke character and asked, "You
all right?"
Her
smile was beautiful and his Seven as she nodded, then she slipped back into
character and began to pull off his uniform pants. "Inside me. Now."
"Fast
or slow?" he asked as he slid into her—holy fuck she was wet.
"Fast.
Hard. Own me."
"I
will, but you have to tell me the moment it's too much."
"I
will. Just fuck me, damn it."
So he did, pumping
almost violently into her, watching as she smiled, as she began to look like he
was taking her on another climb so he reached down, playing with her and
resumed his thrusting.
They
came together and he called out so loudly he was sure the neighbors—had there
been any home—would have heard him.
She
had her eyes closed and was breathing hard.
He
frowned and asked gently, "Too much, Sev?"
"No.
It was wonderful. If you'd come to my ship to fix something and fucked me that
way, I'd have never let you go. You'd have been my prisoner." She kissed
him deeply. "My beautiful Liam Shaw sex toy prisoner."
"I
live to serve." He rolled off her and pulled her to face him. "I did
not, however, get enough kissing. But I'll take it now."
She
moved closer and looped her leg over his, kissing him so tenderly he could feel
the love and trust and affection and even the old exasperation, which would no
doubt happen again but now seemed to be morphing into something sweeter.
Memories that wouldn't hurt them.
No
regrets.
"If
someone told me I could have my career or you but not both, Seven, I'd want
you. Chakotay was a moron."
She
stroked his cheek. "I love that. But he was in love with someone else when
he took up with me. You're in love with me, right? No one else?"
"Well the chef's looking pretty sexy these days. Knowing he
flew the ship and can make killer danish..."
Her
cackle sounded out and he giggled. God, how long had it been since he'd made
that sound?
"I
love you, Liam Shaw."
"I
love you too, Seven of Nine."
Intermezzo
Janeway
waved Musiker in and gestured toward one of her guest chairs in front of her
desk. "Please."
Musiker
sat but was clearly not comfortable.
"If
it helps, this is about Seven, not about anything between us." She saw her
visibly relax and smiled. "I've texted with Shaw but haven't spoken with
Seven. He says she's doing better. If you've had any contact with her, can I
trust his assessment?" She phrased it that way on purpose rather than the
more standard "Do you agree" because after having her ideas rejected
about Mars and the Romulans, this would feel good.
She
didn't answer at first, then nodded. "I've spoken with her several times.
If you'd asked me after the first time, I'd have been on the fence. But during
the second conversation, she spilled some truths she's been holding onto. That
I think she would have held on to forever—if not for him. And I know you know
why it pains me to give him any of the credit."
"I
do. So in your estimation, is she coming back?"
"I'd
say yes. Unless they decide to become beachcombers." She did not look
happy at the thought.
"So you know where they are?"
She
laughed softly. "As do you, Admiral." She crossed her arms and
waited.
Janeway
nodded. Then she reached for her padd and brought up an entry and passed it to
her "Read the highlighted entry."
Musiker
glanced at it and frowned. "This is my file. For that time when..."
She tried to hand it back. "I remember what I did. Nice of you to remind
me, though."
Janeway
rolled her eyes. "Read the last line of the highlighted entry."
She
did and then looked up at her, shock in her eyes. "For the record:
Commander Musiker was correct on all her claims."
"Hit
the link on that line."
An
entire article popped up. Expanding on what the line said. On Raffi's
contribution that Starfleet—and she—had chosen to ignore.
"That
is there for posterity. But I would also like to make this a case study at the
Academy. A failure of leadership. But this is your life, and if you're
uncomfortable with this, then we'll forget it."
"I'm
a failure of leadership?"
"Not
listening to you—not trying to work with you—was a leadership failure. Was my
failure. Raffi, I'm sorry."
She
could see the tears welling up and didn't judge her harshly for that. God knows
she'd nearly cried enough times in her career. Musiker nodded.
"I'd
like you to work with them on this. I want to make sure that you're well
represented. And this is important, especially after what happened on Frontier Day.
I think to myself, what would have happened if you'd been in Starfleet this
whole time? I can't imagine Ro wouldn't have come to you. Or vice versa. Maybe
we would have listened to two of you, stopped the plot?" She held her hand
out for the padd. "I'll have Commander Larsen at the Academy reach out.
She does the best case studies. She did the one on the
Equinox. Not my finest moment but she was so fair."
"Thank
you."
"That's
not the only reason you're here." She hit her intercom. "Doctor, can
you come in please?"
She
heard him coming, loved how over the years he'd modified his subroutines to
make sounds when he walked, to give him substance, make him seem more human.
That had been important after the synth ban. He strode the line but she'd
argued for him and moved him to work for her. She'd learned her lesson with how
Starfleet had treated Seven. If they wanted to get rid of the Doctor out of
some kneejerk reaction to tech, they'd have to go through her.
"Admiral,
I've been looking this over and—" He saw Raffi and stopped. "Oh,
hello. I'm so sorry, Admiral. You said now and your door was open."
"No
apologies, Doctor. This is Commander Raffi Musiker, Seven's first officer. And
an accomplished hacker."
Raffi
looked uncomfortable with the designation. "Programmer's also a nice
word."
"And
utterly missing the point. Raffi was in charge of the security intrusion
measures on the test. Allowed us to come up with the countermeasures."
The
Doctor sat down next to Raffi. "I've studied your hacks. The way you used
Klingon code combined with Cardassian. Pure
brilliance."
"They
usually don't work together."
"I
know. I did my dissertation on the levels of compatibility or lack thereof of
computer code across the quadrant."
"How
long was your dissertation?"
"Nine
hundred and eighty pages. I had time on my hands." He shared a look with
Janeway.
"How
many doctorates did you earn when you were ostensibly being my second
aide-de-camp?" She smiled at Raffi. "I was worried for him after the
synth ban so I moved him to my staff. And good thing—he was the one who got me
out of here on Frontier Day."
The
Doctor puffed up as he always did for compliments. "It was my honor to
save you. Again."
She
and Raffi both laughed.
"And
five degrees but doctorates only in Computer Science and Engineering. I'm
afraid I only had time for Masters in Philosophy, Business Administration, and
Musical Theory."
"Wow."
"He
loves opera." Janeway winked at her. "I loathe it."
"Heathen,"
Raffi murmured and the Doctor said, "Oh, I like you."
"Good
because you two will be working together. I know Personnel and Training have
joined forces on their post-mortem of the new leadership test but since they
initiated it, they have an agenda to cover their very embarrassed asses. I want
you two to do an off-the-books assessment." She leaned in and mock
whispered to Raffi. "The Doctor's computer science doctorate is in
intrusion as well. I'm sure the two of you can muck around in the system
without anyone knowing?"
"And
if we can't?" Raffi was frowning.
"Then
I'll provide covering fire. You're working for me, after all." She could
feel her smile fade. "Seven has ideas about how it failed and why her Borg
implants saved her from an endless loop." She got up and began to pace.
"A little bird who shall of course remain nameless told me she wasn't the
first. But the person running the test pulled that person—a human—out quickly.
He let Seven stay in it longer. There are any number of benign reasons he might
have done that. Any number of distractions or lack of alerts on the system.
But..."
"You
think he did it on purpose?" the Doctor asked at the same time Raffi said,
"You think he had it out for her."
"See,
you're already on the same page." She sat down again. "I really do
want to give him the benefit of the doubt. He has a spotless record. But this
is Seven. And I know you both love her enough to want to protect her."
"Even
if she wouldn't choose me." The Doctor sounded only mildly miffed, which
was a vast improvement from years ago.
"Well,
she can choose you and leave you. At least you have Schroedinger's
Relationship with Seven."
"I've
never looked at it that way."
"I'm
full of insights."
"Perhaps
the two of you could start the 'I love Seven and she loves me but not that way'
club."
"That
name lacks punch, Admiral." The Doctor could not have sounded more
disapproving. "The acronym alone: ILSASLMBNTW. Even if I cut the
conjunctions out..."
Raffi
laughed. "And it will never fit on the baseball caps."
He
laughed. "Or the limited edition water
bottle."
She
laughed.
"Well,
I'm glad you're getting along so well at my expense. Because I'm sending you to
Hood Canal to talk to Seven about her experience with the test. If the mountain
won't come to Starfleet..."
"Starfleet
will totally ruin their vacation?" Raffi sounded skeptical.
"I'm
putting you two up for two nights at Alderbrook.
Gorgeous resort, sixteen klicks from their cabin so you can't just walk over
for a cup of sugar and interrupt...whatever. You'll have a flitter." She
took a deep breath. "I do know that this will be...personally
uncomfortable for you given Shaw and Seven's new relationship. But Raffi, you
had a good experience with the test. Others have too—have found it
transformational."
Raffi
nodded.
"I
don't want to kill it if we can isolate what made Seven and Ensign Shimoto, who was the other person for whom the test
glitched, unique. We can exclude them or—"
"Find
a way to make the test work for them?" The Doctor looked eager.
She
knew he loved projects like this. "Exactly. You leave tomorrow. We'll give
the lovebirds one more day of peace. I'll let you two formulate your plan of
attack—and that is, of course, a figure of speech—in the Doctor's office. I
have a luncheon to attend."
"One
question, ma'am," Raffi said.
"Shoot."
"If
we're under the radar, do we tell Shaw why we're there?"
"Excellent
question," the Doctor said. "Seven of course will have to know
but..."
"It's
almost amusing how you're couching your desire to push Shaw out of the way in
operational terms." She leaned in. "What would be your reason for
being there if you don't tell him?"
"Pest
inspection?" the Doctor said.
"Water
quality test?" Raffi laughed nervously.
"We'd
come with surfboards. Tell them they are high-tech infiltration devices."
"Hood
Canal lacks sufficient waves," Raffi muttered.
"Oh.
Well, as you can imagine, surfing is not something I'm experienced in."
"It's
basic physics. Didn't get a degree in that, huh?"
"My
downloaded physics information is more than adequate."
"Well
then you might want to update your geography protocols. Hood Canal is..."
"A
canal."
"An
inlet. And they're at the inside hook. Protected. Warm water."
"Then
why is it called a canal?" He had the "gotcha" look that used to
so irritate Janeway before she realized how kind he truly was at heart.
Raffi
gave him a look that Janeway truly admired. It wasn't annoyance so much as
"You are a gnat compared to me" as she said, "When it was
discovered, it was named Hood's Channel. But on the way back to England,
something was lost in translation and Channel became Canal."
"Oh."
He sounded disappointed in himself but also somewhat impressed. The way he used
to with Seven. "Well, if I have any other geography questions, we know who
I'll be asking."
"Not
me. I have better things to do than stand in as your personal padd."
Janeway
laughed out loud at that one. "I could use you on my staff, Raffi."
"You're
putting Shaw on the ship, right? I may want off once I get to know him."
Janeway
laughed again. "Well, if that's the case, let me know."
"Will
do. But I'm probably not going to leave Seven, ma'am. Someone's got to watch
her back."
"Somehow
I knew that, Raffi."
5.
Seven
stood in the attic, staring at the spider webs. "I am not making love up
here."
"I'm
not asking you to. But it's going to rain and I promise you will like it up
here." Liam walked to the other side of the attic—the space ran the length
of the house. "Ooh, comics. And by the smell, they never leave here."
He started thumbing through one. "This is so old it'd be worth a mint if
it weren't in such crap condition. But imagine how many people have read
it."
"Yes,
what an image." She stood in the center where she didn't have to stoop and
looked for more spider webs.
And
found them.
"What
are you doing back there other than being a ten-year-old?"
"Adults
read comics, hon'."
"Not
in my house, they don't," she muttered, loudly enough for him to hear it
and roll his eyes at her.
"Kind
of a role reversal. You saying no. Me rolling my eyes." He got up and
walked back to her. "I like digital so I can read them on shuttles."
"You're
being serious?"
"Yeah.
Deal with it." He gave her a quick kiss. "There will be things you
like to do that I'll be perplexed by."
"If
you say so."
He
pointed to the one bed that was not a single. "That one."
She
pointed at the web closest to it. "No."
"Oh,
my God, you are for real afraid of spiders?"
"Had
you ever seen a Borg Queen, you would understand." She sighed. "But
even before then I was. As a child. I think one ran over my face when I was
sleeping."
"Unlikely
but okay." He sighed and began to lift the mattress. "No spiders,
see? On top, or underneath. None near us. The one you pointed out is not going
to mosey over here just for grins." He spread the blanket he'd brought
with him over the mattress. "I'll take the spot closest to the wall."
And he lay down and patted the spot next to him.
"Why
are we up here, Liam?"
"Just.
Wait." He patted the spot again, and she let out a defeated and highly
theatrical sigh and settled in next to him.
"Relax."
He played with her hair until she did.
"Seriously,
why are we up here?"
"Because
I don't think you've ever experienced this. And I want to give it to you. Even
if the spiders are a minus in your book." He pointed to the unfinished
ceiling. "Open beam and plank structure. No dry wall between us and the
roof."
"Yes,
it's no doubt why the spiders love it up here." She was about to say more
but then she heard a plop, then another.
His
smile grew and he lay back and grabbed her hand, holding it gently.
The
rain increased, the sound on the roof above them changing from haphazard to a
steady stream. It was...soothing.
"Nice,
huh?"
She
turned her head to look at him. The rain had made it darker in the attic and
that should have been scary but with the sound, it was again very soothing.
"I
used to stay in my grandmother's house in Michigan for part of the summer. A
bunch of us would go up. Rainy days were the pits until we got old enough to
appreciate this."
"I
don't remember my grandparents. I've seen pictures. When I was a Ranger I spent time on Earth looking up cousins—and by
looking up, I mean finding out who they were and watching them surreptitiously
so I could decide if I wanted to try to be part of the family. But then I lost Icheb and I didn't care anymore. I abandoned the 'finding
family' project because I'd probably just lose them or get them killed."
He
pulled her hand up to his mouth, kissed it gently and then left his lips on it.
"I
never had friends growing up, except my parents. And then Voyager
rescued me and they became my 'family.'" She rolled into him. "And
then they left me. I was sort of primed for someone like Bjayzl
to con me. On days when I'm kind to myself, I let myself slough off some of the
responsibility for Icheb's death. I was used."
"And
on days you're not kind?"
"I'm
the monster who got him killed."
"You're
not a monster."
"I
was." She kissed their joined hands. "When I was a drone."
"But
one without agency. As you said and I know you know that."
She
nodded and they lay silently, listening to the rain, their heads close
together, their hands linked, holding on but loosely. No urgency in the day.
"Chakotay
wasn't my first love."
"Really?
Janeway?"
She
laughed. "No. She was my mother or annoying big sister and always my
captain. And my friend. Even if..." Even if so many things. She wasn't
going to dwell on that. "Some Borg drone are able to visit a place called Unimatrix Zero when they regenerate. It's a lovely place
and the drones aren't Borg there. They're whatever species they originally
were."
"You've
never mentioned this."
"Because
I have no memory of it." She smiled softly at his expression. "I
know, logical this isn't at first glance. When a drone that could access the
place was done regenerating, the memories did not convey. So
every day I forgot."
"But
you regenerated on Voyager. And you were free of the collective."
"Free
of the collective meant cut off from Unimatrix
Zero—and Axum. He found a way to work against the Queen. They needed my help so
he pulled me in but as me, with my post-Collective memories, not as a
regenerating drone. I think now of how much I hurt Axum. I had no idea who he
was."
"But
you were lovers?"
"For
six years, Liam."
"Was
he the love of your life?"
"I
don't know." She met his eyes, not afraid to talk about this with him, not
when his expression was so calm, so non judgmental.
"I grew to value him while working together but love—true love—was
gone."
"Love
lives in the memories."
"It
really does." She touched him with her other hand, rubbing gently over his
beard. "I think you might be the love of my life."
"I
know you're mine." He swallowed hard. "That gives you so much power,
Seven."
"I'll
use it wisely. I know I'm reckless, but I also want to protect you."
His
smile was lovely.
"Except
against spiders. You're on your own there."
He
laughed. "You know I'll protect you. I have a very clear policy regarding
spiders. They stay in their zone and kill lots of less fun insects and we're
good. They come into my bed, my clothes, my bathtub, or my kitchen sink, and
it's curtains." He frowned slightly. "I don't understand the Borg
Queen equals spider thing. Isn't she just a super pumped up drone? Tons of mech
hanging off her?"
"No.
When she's not in need of being mobile, she separates herself from her torso.
And then hangs from the ceiling, the cables make a sort of web shape."
"Stop
there. Heard enough."
"It's
even more disconcerting when she reattaches but I will spare you."
"Thank
you. See, using that power wisely."
She
pulled him to her, letting go of his hand and kissing him deeply. "I don't
know what's going to happen for us. I don't know if we're going to be together
when we're very old or if we'll sputter out. But whatever happens, you will
matter to me in ways no one else ever has. I really do love you."
"I
know you do." He kissed her tenderly for a very long time. "I feel
the same."
##
Shaw
was bringing firewood in when his communicator sounded. "Janeway to
Shaw."
He
hit it and said, "Shaw here. Is there a reason you're always bugging me
and not your girl?" He set it down and then sat next to Seven on the
mattress as she opened a bottle of Merlot from the winery they'd visited in
Hoodsport as they were exploring down the canal once the rain let up.
"She's here, by the way."
"Hello,
Seven."
"Hello,
Kathryn."
"You
sound rested."
"I'm
getting there." She made a cute face at Shaw, and he knew it was because
she really was rested but didn't want Janeway to end it this soon.
"I'm
sending some people to you."
She
frowned but said nothing, so he asked, "Why?"
"I'm
sending them as the CINC and as a friend. I know a general assessment of the
test is being run by Personnel. But I'd like my own people to also take a
look."
"Good
call." He meant it sincerely; he hoped sarcasm didn't come through
instead.
"You
say that now." Her voice was strangely amused.
"Fuck.
Who are you sending?" He met Seven's eyes. She seemed untroubled so he
relaxed a little.
"The
Doctor and Raffi. If they talk about enhanced surfboards, ignore them. They're
quite the pair."
"You
can't surf here."
"Yes,
I know that now. But thank you for confirming it."
"I
gotta tell you, Katie-Kate. Convos with you are more
than a little bit weird."
"Well,
I finally get a nickname. I was quite jealous of Bey-Bey." There was so
much rich amusement in her voice he grinned. "Do I want to know what you
call any of the other of us?"
"You
don't," Seven said as she handed him a glass of wine. "Are we hosting
them?"
"I'm
not that mean, Seven. They'll be at Alderbrook.
Arriving late tomorrow afternoon."
"We
haven't been there yet. Tell them to comm us when they get in and we'll grab
dinner with them." He took a sip of the wine and smiled. He'd had such a
great discussion with the winery owners over the general suckiness
of Chateau Picard that he might have liked this wine on principle alone, but it
really was good.
"I'll
let them know you'll be coming to them. That sounds liked a roaring fire. Is
it?"
"It
is." Seven's voice was soft and sweet. Probably because she hadn't had to
make the fire.
"It
sounds nice there. The pictures are beautiful."
"The
mountains are here but not always out. It's kind of like personal baggage. Only
it's the pretty days that they come out for, not the overcast ones." Seven
laughed. "Oh, God, I'm turning into Thoreau."
"I
like it," Janeway said, and he could read so much love in the way she said
it. "Poetic introspection suits you."
"How
long are The Doctor and Raffi staying?" she asked.
"Two
days. He has a number of tests he wants to run on your cortical node—to ensure
no lasting damage but also see how it might have interacted with the
test."
She
tensed, so Shaw said, "She won't be doing the test. That's clear,
right?"
"He
knows the base code."
"He's
a medical doctor." Shaw glanced at Seven and she shrugged.
"Oh,
he's much more than that these days."
He
sighed. "Are we expected to come back with them?"
"No.
You're expected to come back when you're damned good and ready."
"I
kind of love you."
Seven
laughed. "Only not the way my last boyfriend did."
"Well,
I should hope not. That was...let's not talk about it." Janeway didn't
sound mad, more full of regret.
"Agreed."
"I'll
let you go. Janeway out." The connection dropped.
"I
haven't mentioned this but the Doctor was in love with me."
He
started to laugh. "Great. Two exes."
"He's
not. I considered him a father figure more than anything. And my first real friend.
But it can get a little weird. In the past I could pretend to be clueless but
now..."
"Well,
maybe he's over you."
"Would
you be?"
"Ego
alert!" He bellowed it at her and she nearly dropped her wine and then
broke into her cackle.
"Jesus,
a little warning. This is too good to waste."
"That's
true." He leaned in to kiss her and she took his glass from him and put it
and hers safely out of reach on the floor.
"The
last time you put our wines that far away was because you wanted to have
sex."
"I'm
glad I don't have to explain it to you." She pulled his shirt off, then
began unbuttoning his pants. "I was going to do this before she called. I
can see you assessing why I want to fuck."
"I
love how well you know me. How come I'm the only one naked?"
"I
don't know, Commodore." She kissed her way down his chest to—oh holy fuck
she was good with her mouth.
He
was getting close and then she pulled away. "Baby, no, no, no."
"Do
you really hate waiting?" She moved up and was watching him carefully.
"Or are you just bitching and moaning like a good boy."
He
pulled her to him, kissing her almost viciously. Then he whispered, "I'm a
good boy."
Her
smile was glorious. She again kissed her way down his body and took him into
her mouth but as soon as he began to get close, she pulled away, encircling him
with her hand but so softly it wasn't going to get him anywhere. "What do
you want, Liam?"
"I
want to come."
"Do
you understand that I say when you get to come?"
"Yes,
ma'am."
"You
are a very good boy." She took him into her mouth but barely applied
pressure.
He
moaned. "Please?"
She
went back to sucking in earnest and then pulled away again. He wasn't thinking
when he grabbed her and rolled her over, was about to enter her when she moved
him back, so much stronger than he was.
And
that was so goddamned hot.
"That
was not the act of a very good boy."
"I'm
sorry."
"Who
gets to say when you come?"
"You
do."
She
stripped off her clothing and crawled on top of him, onto his chest rather than
his stomach, then shifted until he could easily tongue her. "As
punishment, you will make me come. You will not play games and try to make me
wait. And you will not come while you're doing it? Understood?"
"Yes,
ma'am."
"Do
you want to eat me, Liam? Answer honestly?"
"Yes."
He met her eyes, smiled, and she moved enough so he could lick and suck without
straining his neck, and she even put another pillow down to help him.
"Yes,
Liam. Yes." And then she was breathing heavily and he grabbed her and
pulled her closer, pinching down, knowing he'd leave finger marks on her ass,
hoping she'd let him leave them so he could see them on her whenever he wanted.
She
was coming, calling out his name, telling him he was good, so good. And he
pulled away and watched her, how goddamn beautiful she was as she sat astride
him, as she owned him. "If you promise to be good, I'll let you
come—eventually."
"I
promise."
She
eased off him and went back to work, skipping the kissing this time, and he
thought she was going to let him get all the way but then she stopped.
"No.
Please, no."
"Who
controls this session?"
"You
do."
"If
you don't like it, say so now."
He
grinned. "I'm not going to say that."
"Good
boy." And then she went back, using her hand only this time, watching him
carefully, their eyes locked and just as he was about to...
"God
damn it, Seven."
She
laughed and it was a laugh full of power and sensuality and he thrust up into
her hand but she'd loosened her grip again. "Settle down."
He
forced himself to do it. And as his breathing came back to normal, she crawled
onto his stomach and began to play with her breasts.
It
was his fucking Kryptonite, seeing her do that, and he began to beg,
"Please, Seven. Please, please, please."
"No."
And she laughed at his expression. "Yeah, it sucks, doesn't it?" Her
laughter was open and silly and still so damn sexy. "Okay, I think you're
ready. But first, you need to make sure I did okay on these." And she held
her breasts to him and he sucked and licked until she eased away, kissed him
tenderly, and moved back down.
And
this time, she pulled out all the stops, with her mouth and her hand and he was
going and thank Christ she didn't stop because it was unreal how good this
felt. He yelled as he came, her name and that he loved her and she kept her
mouth on him, milking every last bit, licking him clean as he lay back and
tried not to have a heart attack. "Holy fuck, Seven." He realized she
was scanning him with her padd. "I'm okay."
"Yeah,
we'll let the medical device be the judge of that." Then she put it away
with a grin. "You're okay."
"I'm
more than okay. I knew I'd like Captain Seven."
She
laughed, a very silly sound and cuddled in next to him. "You're so good
with your mouth and fingers. Under me, on top of me, to the side. I love how
you make me come." Then she just held eye contact, her expression
searching. "I've never felt as safe to do whatever I want as I do with
you. I always held back a part of me."
"Me
too."
She
snaked her arm over his waist. "Here's to not holding back."
"We're
going to need to up the soundproofing in our quarters."
"You're
the engineer. Get on that."
"If
it's okay with you," he said, as he reached in, sure that she had more in
the tank, and the way she moaned as he touched her let him know he was right,
"I'll wait till we're on the ship to address that."
"It's
definitely okay with me."
6.
Seven
exited the flitter and waited for Liam to send it to park. The Alderbrook resort was as rustic as the cabin and right on
the water. He stopped to look out at the view, then put his arm around her and
said, "Ready?"
She
nodded.
"I'm
your guy now. Make that your mantra."
She
laughed softly. "As mantras go..."
"Fine,
I'll make it my mantra when one of them pisses me off."
They
walked in to the lobby and she looked around. There were plenty of people but
no Raffi or the Doctor. Then she saw them sitting with two blonde women.
"Hmmm."
He
followed her gaze.
As
they walked over, the blondes turned out to be twins wearing name tags from a
medical conference that must be happening in the hotel given all the other
similar name tags around the room.
One
of them said in a heavy Swedish accent, "Are you going to steal the Doctor
away from us?"
The
other gave Raffi a very friendly smile. "And you—I would hate to lose
you."
"Oh,
hello, Seven." The Doctor looked anything but crestfallen that she was
here with another man. "May I introduce Doctors Ana and Eva
Gustafsson." He leaned in conspiratorially. "Come to find out, I'm
their hero."
One
of the twins nodded. "We were inspired by his journey from code to
individual. It was what made us choose to specialize in emergency medicine
technology. Just knowing the challenges he faced in
the Delta Quadrant, keeping all of you alive."
"Yeah,
that wasn't all on him." She knew she sounded bitchy because Raffi
snickered.
One
of the twins looked at Raffi and said, "Oooh,
very bitter ex."
"Like
I said."
"Hey!"
She heard Liam laughing next to her and elbowed him, pulling it at the last
moment so it wouldn't hurt him.
"Well,
as heartbroken as we are not to continue the conversation we had in the
flitter, we understand that you need to spend time with your"—she gave
Seven a look that wasn't friendly—"associates. But, just in case you end
up with free time, we're in cabin fourteen. It's quite roomy. Enough for all of
us." Then she glanced again at Seven and Liam. "Not you two."
Her smile for Raffi and the Doctor as she left was very, very warm.
Liam
quietly made the sound of a crash and when Seven
turned to glare at him, he murmured, "I mean come on. Swedish twins?"
"I'm
Swedish. And twins are a common occurrence among many nationalities."
"Hon',
Swedish twins aren't an occurrence, they're an archetype."
She
rolled her eyes at Liam and turned, following the signs to the restaurant, not
caring that she was walking very fast. She'd been going to say eating in the
dining room wasn't the best option since the Doctor couldn't eat, but maybe he
could have the twins sit on his lap and occupy him while the rest of them took
in nourishment.
"Guess
someone's ego got a bruising, huh?" Liam sounded way too amused as he
caught up with her.
A
moment later, Raffi caught up with them too. "Hey, you," she said,
turning Seven so she could look her intently in the face. "Oh, fuck. He
really is good for you. You look terrific."
Seven
laughed and pulled her into a hug. "You weren't wrong. I wasn't
okay."
"But
now you are?"
"I
am." At least on vacation. She still wasn't sure how it would feel to step
back onto her ship. The nightmares had mostly stopped.
Raffi
turned to Liam. "So, we're going to be sharing space on the ship, I
hear."
"Yep."
He'd moved closer to Seven, was clearly staking claim and Seven
liked that.
"Normally
I'd not be a fan of that but since you seem to be good for someone I care
about, I'll learn to live with it."
He
gave her his best smile. "You might grow to like me."
"People
who say that rarely end up being liked."
For
once Liam had no snarky comment and Seven laughed at
him, earning a betrayed look.
"What?
She got you. It's a rare occurrence and I'm going to enjoy it."
Raffi
grinned at her, looking very pleased with herself.
The
Doctor walked up, also looking very pleased with himself. "That wasn't
much of a hello, I'm afraid."
"Well,
not for us." Liam winked at him.
The
doctor made the expression he used to when he was especially pleased.
"They're charming women. And dedicated professionals."
Raffi
nodded. "Who like us."
"Very
much."
"Are
you two together?" Liam sounded confused.
"I
think that depends on what configurations Ana and Eva are into. I wasn't clear
from how they phrased it, were you, Raffi?"
"Nope."
Seven
was about to make a face and stopped herself. "So
you are togeth..." No. This was none of her
business. "Is dinner uncomfortable for you?" she asked the Doctor.
"I don't want you to feel awkward not eating."
"Not
at all. And Raffi needs to eat."
She
took Raffi's arm and led her to the host stand. She could hear Liam asking him,
"So are you two together?"
"A
gentleman never tells, Commodore."
"He's
enjoying this way too much," she muttered to Raffi.
"So
am I." She squeezed her arm. "Janeway asked me to do this, but if you
don't want me to be part of it, I'll back away."
"Why
wouldn't I want you to?" She met her eyes. "I know you once you get
on a project like this. Nothing will stop you. Especially if you think that the
technician might have..." She could feel the sense of panic again, the
feeling she might never get free. "Might have delayed freeing me from the
test."
"I
do think that. The Doctor doesn't. We're a good mix. I'll counter his optimism,
and he'll briefly force me to consider other options before I realize yet again
that I know people and am inevitably right."
She
laughed but then her smile faded. Because this was about her—hating her.
"I hope he didn't do it on purpose."
Raffi
was studying her. "You okay?"
"I
kind of just want to stay here, you know? Where no one appears to hate
me." She sighed. "But then the population will quadruple in the
summer and there would be at least one who does so..."
"Might
as well come back to the ship?"
"Yes."
She glanced back, could see Liam and the Doctor were talking animatedly about
something—she hoped it wasn't them being included in the twin smorgasbord—and
asked softly, "What do they think of me? The crew? For running away?"
"The
crew think you were called away to work on a special project for the CINC. If
they have feelings about it, they miss you or are proud of you."
"Thank
you."
"Thank
your mentor. She's pretty awesome when you're not stalking her."
Seven
laughed. "I told you."
"Yeah,
you did."
The
host led them to a lovely table by the window. The dining room was filled with
people from the conference at large tables, but there were still plenty of
smaller tables free. Benefits of being off season—and no doubt how the
conference afforded the place.
Liam
sat next to her, pulling her in for a quick kiss on the cheek, and he didn't
seem to be doing it to stake a claim. Was just being affectionate. But then he
murmured in her ear. "The doctor made an exhaustive study of Starfleet
rules and regs as part of his MBA. Do we have room for him on the ship if I ask
for him to be included in the project I'm doing and they say only if I pony up
a billet?"
She
nodded, then frowned and whispered in his ear, "He has an MBA? Why?"
"Later,"
he mouthed.
Raffi
was reading the menu, but the Doctor was watching her, an expression she
couldn't read on his face.
"How
long has it been?" she asked softly.
"Too
long. And that's on me."
She
nodded. "What have you been doing?"
"Since
the synth ban, I've been working for Kathryn."
"As
what? Her personal physician?"
Raffi
saved him from answering by asking, "You call her Kathryn?"
"Not
in an official meeting, but yes. As does Seven."
She
didn't see what difference it made what she called her former captain.
"I've been in her office several times. You've never popped out to say
hello."
He
laughed softly. "I'm still trying to live down what I confessed when I
thought I was dying."
"That
you love her?" Liam asked. "I resisted doing that."
"You
did," Raffi said with a grin. "Gold star for restraint."
"I'm
afraid it's true: I showed no such restraint." He met Seven's eyes.
"You treated it as diminished capacity."
"I
was a different person then. I may have believed it. Now, I'd know
better." She smiled gently. "But you were like my father and
definitely a friend."
"Kiss
of death. Also, she's mine so it's immaterial." Liam smiled in a very
territorial way.
"Yes,
that's quite clear." The Doctor sighed.
Raffi
patted his hand and as she did, Seven realized she was
wearing a pin just like the Doctor had on.
She
leaned in and read the acronym out loud. "ILSASLMBNTW?"
"Just
a club we're in." Raffi looked out at the view. "God, it's beautiful
here."
She
could tell Liam was already trying to codebreak the
acronym in his head, but the server coming to take their order distracted him.
Once
he was gone, she studied the Doctor who seemed to be looking anywhere but at
her.
"What
job are you doing?"
"I'm
Kathryn's other aide de camp. Mister Paris is her primary."
"After
the synth ban..." She sighed and looked down.
"What
am I missing?" Liam asked and Raffi echoed his confusion.
"Kathryn
saved me. When she couldn't save her." The Doctor had the voice of old,
the one who understood her when no one else did. "If it's any consolation,
Seven, the fact that she couldn't save you was what prompted her to act to get
me to less tenuous ground."
She
met his eyes. "She could have saved me."
"No."
He sighed. "I've been a keen observer of the bureaucracy in this place.
And the prejudice she herself faced and continues to face for everything that
happened in the Delta Quadrant. She did her best—would it have helped to have
her resign? Would that have made you feel any better about being
rejected?"
"She's
CINC? What kind of prejudice does she face? And yes, it might have made me feel
better. To know she would have. Not to feel like she played a strategic game of
chicken and when it was clear she was going to be run off the road, she backed
down."
"She
didn't back down, Seven. You quit trying and she didn't have to go through with
it."
"Because
I couldn't do that to her."
"And
yet you wanted her to do it, didn't you?"
Liam
and Raffi were being very quiet, but she felt his hand steal into hers under
the table and squeeze gently.
"It's
the not knowing if she really would have that haunts.
I'd rather she just did nothing. As she managed to do until Picard brought me
back into the fold."
She
felt Liam's hand jerk.
"I
would have rotted out there. Where was she? Where were you? You loved me
so fucking much? Where were you?" Her voice was rising.
Liam
murmured, "Hansen, reset."
It
was a command he used to give her when she was getting too emotionally involved
on a mission. She'd given him the same one when it was needed. She could tell
the Doctor was confused and Raffi thought she was going to deck Liam, but
instead she just nodded.
"I
apologize." She met the Doctor's eyes. "It wasn't your job to take
care of me."
He
wore the look of a man certain that no matter what he said it would be the
wrong thing. Finally, he said, "If I had known what happened to Icheb, I would have—"
He
stopped because she held up the hand Liam wasn't holding—a grip that tightened.
"No. Don't go there."
Liam
eased his hold when she said nothing else.
The
Doctor nodded, and looked down. "Oh for a menu to
pretend to study."
Raffi's
voice was gentle but firm as she said, "I think we don't talk about that.
The past is a murky place if you let it be. For any of us and how we related to
each other."
"Mostly
to Seven," Liam said, and they all laughed—but nervously, as if sure they
shouldn't.
"Probably
accurate. So let's just focus on what we can get done
now. And the fact is that the Doctor is not just a medical doctor anymore. He
has many degrees, and he and I are going to get to the bottom of this."
She smiled at her. "But only if you can not be
mad at him."
She
nodded. "I am sorry. I'd like to blame it all on the test, on what it
pulled up, but the truth is I've buried a lot of, well, rage, at how I felt I
was abandoned by my...family." She turned to Liam. "The conversations
we've had...they've made me think." He nodded and she could feel herself
tearing up and said, "God damn these tears."
As
she started to get up, Liam held on and said, "Stay and finish your
thought. Get it out. For your sake if not his." Then he looked at Raffi.
"Sometimes you have to deal with the past, not pretend it never happened.
As nice as your way would have been."
She
nodded with a defeated look.
"I'm
not sure there is more to say."
"I
think there is," the Doctor said, his voice angry. "Where were you in
all this? Who said to run off to be a vigilante?"
"I
wasn't a vigilante."
"You
have one of the brightest minds I've ever seen. You could have used it so many
ways. I would have gladly left Starfleet and helped you in whatever you wanted
to do."
"I
didn't need you to save me." She thought about what Liam had said about
being a drone, a form of contentment that she'd been yanked out of. "I
never did."
"Well,
that's patently untrue. Your cortical node alone..."
"Would
have been replaced if I'd stayed in the Collective."
"Whoa.
Why are we arguing about staying Borg?" Raffi looked at Liam.
"Doesn't this really bother you?"
"Nope."
And he was still holding her hand gently, rubbing her palm with his thumb in a
soothing motion.
"Being
a Ranger was my choice," she said. "My first real choice."
"Bingo."
He squeezed her hand.
"You
chose not to rejoin the Collective on multiple occasions."
"But
those choices were always affected by someone from the ship being in danger.
But when I was rejected by the place I'd been helping you
all fight to get back to, there was nothing left hanging around my neck. And I
made a choice."
"It
was kind of a shitty choice," Liam said.
"A
really shitty choice. But it was mine. And I would never have met you."
She smiled at Raffi. "And you were the first healthy romantic love I think
I've known."
The
Doctor coughed rather dramatically.
"You
were her fucking caretaker." Liam had the voice that could freeze fire.
"I actually really like you so far, Doc. But it wasn't healthy. Give it a
rest."
She
realized she wasn't in danger of crying anymore—and the rage was gone.
"I'm willing to move forward if you are."
"I
agree that would be a wise step. But if I have ever hurt you then—"
Raffi
muttered, "Moving forward."
"Right."
"Bet
those twins are looking really good about now," Seven said, offering him
an olive branch of humor as she moved her hand in the way that would tell Liam
to let go—and he immediately released her.
Because
she was fine now. Whatever needed out was out. Anything else from back then:
let it rest.
"The
twins are lovely," the Doctor said with a laugh, "but I would rather
be getting to know my new friends and catching up with one of my oldest and
dearest."
"Thank
you." She reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze. "So, tell us
about all these new degrees."
"Especially
the engineering one," Liam said, rubbing his hands together.
"You
may be sorry you said that," the Doctor said as the server set down their
drinks and first courses. "The benefit of not needing to eat is that I can
expound ad nauseum."
"We're
okay with that," Raffi said. "Right?" She looked at her.
"Right."
##
Shaw
walked into the cabin and started the stove as Seven got the fire going. They'd
been sitting out on the Alderbrook dock with Raffi
and the Doctor, under heaters and with blankets tucked around them as Seven
answered their questions about the test. They had a read-out of the code for
her session and she helped them chart each topic—paid to have a photographic
memory the way she did—to each feedback loop.
"So
do you think they'll be hitting up the twins?" Seven asked with a laugh as
her fire came to glorious life.
"I
think I don't want to know."
She
joined him at the stove, hugging him tightly. "You're just jealous."
"Well..."
He laughed at her expression and leaned in to kiss her. "I'm actually not.
I won the prize and am smart enough to know it."
She
moved under his arm, pulled him closer for a less awkward kiss. Then she drew
away and stared into the stove, watching the fire grow.
"What
are you thinking?" he asked.
"That
it doesn't matter how much they do, I won't be
retaking that test. I'll quit first."
"Right
there with you." He closed up the stove so they could leave it, got some
wine and some glasses, kicked off his shoes, and joined her on the mattress.
"They have a data pool of two. How the hell are they going to make it safe
for others without having others get stuck in the test—and then reverse
engineering to find the commonalities?"
"I
don't know. The ones who found the test helpful are full of zeal."
"And
that'd be fine if you were the only one affected. But a human with no history
with the Borg either pre Frontier Day or on that day was
also stuck. This isn't just a side effect for ex Borg."
"I'm
tired of talking about it."
"You
want to figure out their acronym instead?"
She
laughed. "Not really but I can tell you do."
"They're
both wearing it. The only thing they have in common is you. So ILSASLMBNTW is
probably IL Seven A Seven LMBNTW."
"Can
you maybe save it to work on during a boring meeting?"
He
couldn't read her so he brushed her hair back and asked, "What's going on
in there?" He tapped her forehead gently. "Are you really worried
they're with the twins?"
"Oh,
God no. I mean they can if they want. I'm not worried about it either way. I
keep thinking how when we feel helpless, we make other people the villain. He
knew I was falling for Chakotay. Even before the real Chakotay knew it."
"Do
I want to know how?"
"Probably
not but I want to tell you. I had a crush on him. And I was feeling things. I
mean so many things not just the crush. I wanted to know what it was like to be
friends with my crewmates. I wanted to figure social interaction out like it
was an astrometrics problem. But I did it on the
holodeck where the chance of making a fool of myself was low."
"Kind
of creepy. I take it you were interacting with crew facsimiles instead of the
real deal?"
She
nodded, then met his eyes. "You never fucked—or maybe killed—a holo version of me?"
He
started to laugh. "Is that your way of telling me you did of me? Because I
thought I put safeguards in place so the holodeck wouldn't replicate anyone on
the crew for personal use."
"Exactly.
You put the safeguards in place. You could have suspended them."
"I
didn't."
"Did
you think of it though?"
He
laughed and nodded. "On your more trying days."
"Kill
or fuck?"
"Depended
on the day."
She
cackled. "Same."
"Wait,
did you try to get it to give you a holo-me?"
She
shook her head but she was blushing.
"Oh,
my God, Seven of Nine. Now I feel dirty." He kissed her to let her know he
was kidding—mostly. "Get back to your story."
"I
kind of got addicted to my holo-versions. I was forgoing regenerating to be in
them. I put the crew at risk, lied about what I was doing. It got to the point
where I knew I had to cut it off with the holo-Chakotay but
he...objected—"
"Wait,
you broke up with a hologram?"
"Shut
up."
"No,
really? You did that? You didn't just delete character or program?"
"Shut
up, Liam." But she was laughing. "I was very innocent back then. I
thought it was the right thing to do."
"I
love you so much." He pulled her in for a long kiss. "Okay go
on."
"As
it turned out Borg drones have a fail-safe device that shuts down neural
processing if too much emotion is experienced. So...I
passed out but not before calling for medical help. The Doctor came. The
holo-Chakotay was still running..." She looked down. "It was highly
embarrassing but the Doctor was so kind, so nonchalant." She shook her
head. "I didn't know he loved me, Liam."
"And
he was your fucking father, right?"
"Certainly better than the one I was born with. He eventually
removed the fail safe. Initially, I had told him to
not try. It would take too many operations, be too risky—and frankly it was
easier not to experience what I had felt. I was scared."
"Understandable
after how many years not feeling anything."
"But
knowing that I had felt things—only in Unimatrix
Zero, where I could never access the memories—was what made me start the holoprogram in the first place. Something was
missing."
"And
you looked to Chakotay to fill it. Why him?"
"He
was...supportive but not fully so. A challenge, I guess. And I found him
handsome." She swallowed hard. "I knew he loved Kathryn though. It
was a breach to let him in, to leave with him, to take Icheb
and leave her with..." She got very still. "I guess some part of me
always assumed she wouldn't have really resigned because I was with him."
"Have
you talked to her about it?"
"No.
It's easier not to talk about him."
"Can't
you talk about when Voyager came home without talking about him?"
"No.
And I doubt she can either." She seemed very far away but he chose not to
push further. Not everything was for him; there were parts of his life he'd
probably never share with her. "I wish we had met. I wish you'd come to
fix my ship and you talked to me about engineering and whenever you were in the
sector you'd find me or I'd find a reason to be where
you were. I wish I could go back and tell her to look for you."
"We
could take a ship and slingshot around the sun. You find you, I'll find me, and
then..."
"Yeah,
and then...what? How many things did we affect in the places we really were
that might be different—if we hadn't been there, would things have been better
or worse?"
"Part
of me can't imagine not loving you no matter when we met but...I hadn't worked
out some of my shit."
"And
I was full of rage. We might just have broken each other's hearts." She
cuddled into him. "So this is our time."
"I
don't mind that." He tried to assess her mood, what she wanted.
She
made it easier as she smiled and began to pull off his clothes. "Just in
case you were in doubt whether or not you should touch me, you should."
"How
do you want it?"
"How
do you think I want it?"
"I
think tonight you want it loving. And tender. No games."
"Guess
I'll return that French Maid's outfit."
He
laughed. "Don't even tease."
"I'll
get one for you. But not tonight. You know what I want." She pushed him to
his back and kissed him.
They
took a long time with that, touching and kissing and just connecting as people
who really fucking liked each other before he eased into her, drawing it out as
long as he could, making sure she was satisfied before he finished. Then
rolling to his side and pulling her close, his fingers on her back, touching
down lightly.
"I
love you, Seven. That is currently my most basic truth."
"Mine
too."
7.
Seven
woke to find Liam out of bed and staring out the window at the water. There was
a slight moon tonight and no clouds. He'd left the fire banked but must have
gotten the stove going again because it was warm enough to stand naked and not
freeze. She got up and stood behind him, hugging him tightly.
He
put his arms over hers and leaned into her but didn't say anything.
"Are
you all right?"
"Yeah."
"That's
not convincing, Liam. Even the me who wasn't your lover would cry foul."
He
laughed softly, more a puff of air than a true laugh.
She
wanted to slip in front of him, be able to see his face, but he wasn't letting
go of her arms. She could get by him easily, but if he didn't want her to see
his face, she'd honor his wish. She decided to do for him what he'd done for
her: wait to see if he'd have something to say or just wanted her to hold him.
"I
was really territorial tonight."
"Yeah you were. But it's not that unusual. 'Titan's
mine.'"
His
body moved against her as he laughed. "Fucking Riker."
"Agreed.
Is being worried that you were too territorial really what got you out of
bed?"
"This
is going to sound so fucking stupid but if Raffi and the Doctor come over to
run their medical tests on you, then we have to move the mattress, and once
it's on the bed..."
"Vacation's
over."
"Yeah.
And I'm not ready."
"Neither
am I. Which is why we will make the mattress look neat and tidy, but we are not
putting it back on the bed."
He
turned. "We're not?"
"No."
"Where
will they sit?"
"The
table in the nook seats six. Even if they bring Miss Stockholm and her
identical runner up, we're good."
He
laughed and looked relieved. "Were you worried about that too? Our time
being over?"
She
nodded.
"Can
we play a game? It's sort of the inverse of my favorite anxiety coping
mechanism: worst case scenario. I want to do pie in the sky, best case
scenario."
"Best
case for what?"
"We
never go back. We stay here."
"We
can only afford here for eighteen months."
"You're
assuming no salary."
"True.
Okay, let's play."
"We
open a clam farm." He grinned.
"Clams
need sand, don't they?"
"Fine,
there are oysters on the mud. We'll open an oyster farm."
"I
approve. And they're an aphrodisiac."
"Will
we need one?"
"No,
because we will grow old here and never fall out of love."
"Amen
to that." He kissed her slowly, then whispered in her ear, "What would
we name our oyster farm?"
"Slime
Acres."
"That's
disgusting." But he was laughing.
"Have
you had a raw oyster? It's like sucking down phlegm."
He
laughed even harder. "You don't have to eat them raw. When they first got
this house, my cousins used to talk about roasting the smaller ones in the
shell over the fire. And you can fry the bigger ones or make oyster stew.
They're really into their oysters."
"Okay,
okay, not a good name. You have a better one?"
"Pearl
Beyond Price."
"Aww,
I went silly and you took the romantic road. But it's false advertising. Pretty
sure pearls are rare in these types of oysters."
"You're
suddenly a pearl expert?"
"I
was fascinated with them as a kid. I was amazed that something so lovely could
come from forcing an irritant under something's skin."
"Kind
of like us." He grinned in the silliest way possible.
"Exactly
like us." She moved closer to him because she was getting chilled.
"Would we work our farm alone?"
"I'd
really like—" He suddenly looked away.
"Hey.
What were you going to say?"
"It
was stupid. And insensitive."
"What
were you going to say, Liam?"
"I
was thinking of how maybe we could adopt. But I don't know if you would want
that."
"I
wouldn't mind." She touched his face gently. "Maybe an older
kid?"
"Yeah,
that's what I was thinking. They get overlooked."
She
nodded.
"Would
it hurt, though, to do that?"
"No,
it'd be nice. Icheb was older when we freed him. And
I think you'll really like Elnor. And it'll be so
interesting watching him and Jack interact." Her grin was very wide.
"Wow, I'm actually thinking of the ship as a nice place to go back to. I
asked Raffi what the crew thought of me running away, but Kathryn has me listed
as on a 'special project' for her."
"You
didn't run away. I kidnapped you." He laughed.
She
gave him the eyebrow.
"That's
my story and I'm sticking to it. Got overcome with infatuation. Carried you off
to my rustic lair. Sang sweet songs to you and quoted regs until you gave in
and said, "Take me, Commodore Shaw. Take me before I have to hear another
one.'"
She
was laughing very hard at the falsetto he used for her voice. "You're an
idiot."
"I'm
your idiot." He pushed her down onto the mattress. "Just tell me we
don't have to go back anytime soon. This time here, with you, it's never going
to come again. We'll never be this free again."
"I
know. So our oyster farm with our—how many kids we
adopting?"
"Two."
"Two
kids. Do we sell anything but oysters?"
"There's
the space across the road. There's fruit in that overgrowth. Berries and
shit."
"And
that's how we'll label them at the farmer's market. 'Pearl Beyond Price's
Berries and Shit.' Sure to be best sellers."
He
laughed in a very silly way. "Goats."
"Goats?"
"Yes,
oh, wait, we'll turn part of the upper part into a combo goat cheese farm and
when they aren't being milked, we'll do goat yoga. The vacationers will eat it
up."
"Literally
in the case of the cheese."
"Do
you like goat cheese."
She
made the little hand wave that meant "Not so much." "I prefer
sheep cheese."
"Sheep
aren't anywhere near as cute as goats, and I can't see Sheep Yoga being a
draw."
"Fine,
you can have your goats. I want a dog or two."
"What
kind."
"Goat
herders."
He
laughed. "Good one."
"I'm
freezing, Liam. Cover us up."
He
did as she said, and they lay curled together. "I could think up a lot of
fun futures that have nothing to do with Starfleet. But...I want you in that
chair."
She
nodded. "I want that too. I'm brave, even if I don't feel like it right
now."
"You're
so brave." He nuzzled her neck. "You're my hero."
"Do
you think you can sleep now? They'll be here after breakfast."
He
yawned and nodded. "You?"
"Oh,
yeah." She rolled to her side and he spooned her, his lips on her neck,
his hand cradling her breast. "Our oyster farm, fruit stand, and
goat-cheese yoga studio sounds wonderful. I'm sorry we
won't get to do it."
"Never
say never, Sev." He sounded very sleepy and she
relaxed into him and closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep, his breath on
her ear, his skin warm against hers.
##
Shaw
woke and it was actually morning this time. Seven was spooning him now, and he
could tell by the way she tightened her grasp that she was already awake.
"Good morning."
"Good
morning."
"How
long have you been awake?"
"Maybe
half an hour. I've just been listening."
"To
me snore?"
She
laughed softly. "No, to nature. I'm not sure I'll be able to hear a crow
again and not think of this place—of us."
"I
know. You'd think it would be seagulls because of the beach, but everywhere we
go, it's crows."
"There
was splashing in the water. I got up and looked and I think they were otters.
They weren't floating on their backs though and when they left, it wasn't by
the water."
"I
think there might be river otters here. Maybe they were that." He took her
hand, twined his fingers with hers. "We could have had this on the
ship."
"There
are no otters on the ship."
"You
know what I mean." He shook her hand slightly. "This. Waking up
together. Being loving instead of arguing."
"We'll
still argue."
He
laughed. "If I hadn't been so..."
"Stubborn
about my name?"
"I
was going to say mean." He knew his voice was defeated.
She
freed her hand and moved it down, and he moaned at the feeling of her touching
him. As she got him ready, she moved away so he could roll to his back as she
climbed on top of him. "You were not mean. I would not have taken time out
of my busy Borg invasion to put someone I thought was mean into cryo." She slowly sank down onto him and he groaned at
the sensation.
"But
we lost this."
"We
might never have had this if we'd done anything. And we didn't, so we weren't
going to. I'm reckless—do you think I wouldn't have reached for what I wanted
if I'd wanted you that way?"
"So you didn't want me that way?" He knew he sounded
pathetic.
"Not
as much as I wanted you to be my captain. To teach me things—which you did.
Liam, I needed you to be exactly what you were. If you'd called me Seven, if
you'd shown even a glimmer of interest, we would have been lovers because I
would have been relentless in pursuing you—but I might have stopped
listening." She closed her eyes as she found the right rhythm. "This
is our time. And I am who I am because of many things but you're part of that.
And..."
"And?"
"And
I'm not sure I'd have come here with you—let you rescue me—if we had a
relationship between us. The baggage, the expectations, the weight of
everything people want from each other." She leaned down and kissed him
hard. "Only my captain could have saved me. Okay?"
"Okay."
As she eased away, he pulled her back. "And only my first officer could
have saved me—and everyone else."
"That's
true. I was gutted at your death but if we'd been lovers, I'm not sure I could
have gone on the way I did."
"We
needed the distance."
"We
really did." Her smile was luminous. "It feels really good to say
that."
"It
sure does." He put his hands to good use, helping her along because he was
close.
She
threw her head back, so goddamned beautiful as she rode him, and he thought of
all the times that might have been, and let them go as she came, as he followed
her.
This
was their time.
She
rested on top of him, skin to skin and he kissed her hair and hugged her
tightly. He didn't realize he was crying until she eased away, wiped his face,
and said, "Hey. No. It's okay."
"It's
not my fault. I didn't fuck it up. Fuck us up. I'm just happy. And maybe
letting shit go. I don't know."
"Oh,
baby." Her voice was soft and sweet as she kissed him, then she went back
to lying on him, letting him work through his shit his way as he held her more
tightly than he'd ever held on to anyone in his life.
He
eased his death grip finally, and she studied him with an untroubled smile.
He
smiled back. "I guess we should get up. They'll be here in a few
hours."
She
nodded and got off of him, pulling him to his feet. "If we turn the
mattress, they'll at least be able to walk between it and the couch."
"Are
they going to one of the bedrooms?"
"To
sit on the couch, dimwit. Put the cushions back. It's not the end of the world
if we make the couch look normal."
She
was right so he got to that as she pulled the mattress around. They made it up
with regulation corners and everything.
He
heard crows cawing and smiled. She was right. They always would mean this
place—and them.
##
Seven
walked with Raffi along the beach, heading to the spit. The Doctor had taken
readings, and they'd had more questions, which she'd answered, but she still
wasn't sure they could make the test safe.
It
sucked to be a bellwether, but maybe because it was her—someone close to the
CINC—something would actually get done before it might have if it had happened
to people without such ties.
"Wow,
that mud has a unique smell."
Seven
barely noticed it anymore. It was just part of the place, along with the slight
mustiness of the cabin. "I bet it's way worse when it's hot."
"Yeah.
I was reading the information packet the hotel sends. This is a fjord not a
canal. Names are weird."
Seven
laughed.
"And
where are the hotels? It's so gorgeous here but no one has thought to put some
kind of megacomplex in?"
"I
think people hold on to these places for generations."
"I
for sure would." Raffi stopped as they got to the spit and bent down to
pick up small shells. "Have you found any beach glass?"
"No."
Then again she hadn't been looking. But they were so
far inside the hook of the canal, it seemed unlikely. She walked out to the end
of the spit, leaving Raffi looking for shells, and sat down, letting the sun
shine on her.
A
moment later she heard footsteps moving the pebbles and Raffi sat next to her.
"So the mattress in the middle of the living room
was an interesting statement."
Seven
laughed. "There's no central heat."
"Oh.
Ohh, fuck. That fireplace is
it?"
"And
the stove. But yeah, the bedroom was freezing."
"Okay,
that makes sense then."
"We
did turn it so it's not blocking the couch."
"Big
of you," Raffi said with a laugh. "You really do look good.
Happy."
"I
know. Why do I feel like I should apologize for that?"
"You
don't have to." Raffi leaned her head on Seven's shoulder. "The me
that is your friend—and that's a huge part of me, just so you know—is thrilled
for you. The rest...well, she'll get used to it."
Seven
rested her head on Raffi's. "Thank you. How were the twins? And umm, the
Doctor?"
"Oh,
God no. He's not my type. I like him a lot though. Great to travel with."
"I
notice you're not saying you didn't go the twins' cabin."
"I'm
sure not, am I?"
They
laughed together, the way they used to when things were good.
"Saucy
wench," Seven said as she picked up pebbles in her hand and let them run
out. "How were they?"
"Unbelievable."
"Good.
You deserve some unbelievable in your life."
Raffi
shifted so she was facing her. "I need to tell you something though."
"You're
moving to Sweden and I need to find a new first officer?"
"No.
I'm not really into that much cold."
"Or
that much blonde."
"Yeah,
they're not natural blondes." She laughed at Seven's expression. "No,
it's about Elnor."
Seven
lost her smile. "He's okay?"
"Oh,
yeah. No, nothing like that. It's that he commed me and asked if he should
apply for one of your positions and I may have told him you'd be calling. And
why."
"Was
he excited?" She knew she was smiling very widely.
"He
was. You're not mad I jumped the gun on that?"
"No.
I'm just glad he's happy." She took a deep breath. "I want to run
something by you. I want to make sure it's a good idea and not just me being
flooded with oxytocin and other nice things."
"Okay,
hit me."
"So,
Elnor and Jack are going to be in this program we've
dreamed up, cross training all over the place, and they're going to need
mentors. But...we have a lot of women in senior positions and they've spent
their lives surrounded by them."
She
nodded.
"I
was thinking of Mura and Liam actually. They both know the ship like the back
of their hand. It gives Elnor and Jack people at
different levels of career experience and rank. And I think they both need some
men in their lives. Picard is great but..."
"Absent."
"Yeah.
We've both experienced that. Being necessary and feeling the force of...him,
needing us. And then being forgotten. And I worry that it's going to happen to
both those boys."
"They're
not boys."
"They
kind of are, though. Upbringing can retard development. I was living proof of
that. Maybe still am."
"Mura
seems game for anything we throw at him. But would Liam want that—have you
talked to him about it?"
"No,
I wanted to run it by you first." And she'd only thought of it that
morning while she was listening to crows and watching otters. "But the
part I think he will miss most about command is the mentoring. He's really good
at it."
"Even
when his settings are firmly fixed on asshole?"
"Yeah.
Even then."
"It
can't hurt. And Elnor and Jack aren't shy—they know
they can come to us if it's not working out."
She
nodded. "There are other new ensigns we're not worrying about the same
way."
"You're
worried about this seeming like favoritism?"
She
nodded.
"Maybe
it is. But everyone gets a mentor. If we find some other feral cadet like Jack
or overly intense one like Elnor, we can aim them at
the Mura Shaw Intramural Mentoring Team."
She
laughed. "Okay. And he's not feral."
"You're
right. The correct word is reprobate. Criminal. Con man. Asshat."
She
was laughing even harder. "He's a nice young man."
"And
you identify with him."
"I
really do."
"Well,
he is going to be your special counselor. Whatever the fuck that means."
Raffi lay back on the rocks. "Damn, this place is nice. I can see why you
don't want to come home."
"So
peaceful."
"Is
Liam nice to you? He's going to treat you right?"
"He
really is."
"Because
I will hurt him for you if he doesn't. If you don't hurt him first. I realize
you don't need me protecting you."
"But
I love that you would."
##
Shaw
led the Doctor up the driveway on the other side of the road. He showed him the
fruit trees on one terrace level, the berries and grapes on another. They'd
been left to run riot but it was clear that at some point, someone had tended
them. Then they got to the top, where an old barn-like structure stood.
"Is
it safe?"
"Amazingly,
yes. Probably because of how much a guest could sue if it wasn't." He
grinned at the Doctor. "This thing's been a seasonal rental for
decades."
The
Doctor turned to take in the view. "My this is gorgeous. Why not sell it
to someone who wants to build a house?"
"Who
would want to live here, with that view—the tantalizing promise of water to
swim and fish and boat in—and not have water access?"
"Oh,
good point."
"My
cousins talked about putting another house linked to the cabin up here but
there were so many hoops to jump through to make that work that they gave up
the idea. They don't even have a central water network. Wells or private water
associations—he said the cabin is part of one that uses the stream down the
way. They don't allow any additional members to link in." He sat on the
asphalt, enjoying the view of the mountains. He could just make out Seven and
Raffi sitting on the spit. "It would make a fascinating paper. In this day
and age to be so limited engineering wise."
The
Doctor sat next to him. "I could imagine a paper that combined that with
looking at the effect, if any, of private water systems on disease outbreaks. I
assume there are some areas nearby that do have central water distribution to
compare to?"
"And
sewer. These places all use septic."
"Fascinating.
But also a shame. You lose the ability to chart
potential health issues through wastewater."
Shaw
smiled, enjoying talking about this. "Sadly I'm
going to be too busy to write any papers."
"On
the ship with Seven, correct?"
"Yep.
Which is a good thing." He nodded with his chin toward Seven and Raffi.
"Don't want to lose her to her gorgeous ex."
"I
would be worried as well. It's inconceivable that Seven would pick you over
Raffi."
Shaw
laughed. "Fuck you, Doc."
"You're
laughing when you say that. Most don't."
"Like
I said yesterday. I like you. You're straightforward."
"Annoyingly
so, some would say."
"No
such thing." He waited to see if the Doctor would take the nearly
invisible bait he'd laid out for him.
And
he did. "What will you be doing on the ship? I'm a little unclear."
"Process
improvement. I'm a little unclear on the details but I think it's a look at how
and why the changelings were able to infiltrate the way they did."
"That's
a big project. I imagine it covers many disciplines."
"Yep.
I'm the engineering rep. The reps are being posted on ships, probably to
observe processes." Or maybe so he could be with Seven—he'd put nothing
past Janeway at this point. "I get that you've been with her CINCness forever, but do you ever get bored?"
"Witness
my many degrees." He turned to look at him. "Are you asking me if I
might be interested in working with you?"
"The
fact that you made that leap is why I am." He grinned. "I think you
and Seven would benefit by getting to spend time together. I think you will be
amazed at who she's become. And yeah, I get the whole 'in love with her thing'
because been there, done that, but as she's pointed out to me, we helped make
her who she is. By pushing her, by taking care of her—and yeah, by loving
her." He mock-glared at the Doctor. "But only I get to love her that
way."
The
Doctor rolled his eyes. "Do you think she would want me on the ship? It's
all well and good for you to ask—and I actually really appreciate it and I
think it would be fascinating to do—but it's her ship and her life. We can't
make these choices for her."
Wow,
he'd really listened yesterday. "I cleared it with her this morning."
Over breakfast. They'd had a long talk about it. "Don't ever tell her I
told you this, but she's building her family, not just a crew. And you're part
of that."
The
Doctor looked touched. "Does that mean I'll get to give her away when you
inevitably marry her?"
"You'll
have to work that out with her. Inevitably, though?"
"She's
the happiest I've seen her. And I include when she took up with Chakotay."
"Did
you like him?"
"Not
for her. But obviously I wouldn't have. But even without my feelings, he was
clearly deeply, irrevocably in love with Kathryn. It felt wrong for him to turn
to Seven."
"Right
there with you."
"They
were young."
"She
was young. He was just younger."
The
Doctor laughed. "My, you don't mince words, do you?"
"No.
And I'm going to have to make nice with the mook if we're invited to the Janeways for dinner."
"He's
quite easy to like."
"I'm
not."
"I
disagree." He turned and pointed to the woods. "Have you explored
yet?"
"No.
Seven hates spiders." He was already getting up, eager to get into the
woods.
The
Doctor rose too. "She does?"
He
nodded.
"Well,
I guess that makes sense. She was a child of spacecrafts, where spiders aren't
generally found. And if you had seen the Borg Queen..."
"Nice
to have independent verification of that reason. Did you see her?"
"No,
but I've heard enough to know." He followed Shaw into the woods.
There
were ferns everywhere. And not little dainty ferns. Big-ass things as big
around as a cafeteria table. Figuring out where to put your feet was
challenging. And there were spiderwebs everywhere.
And
then they ran into a plant that looked like something from hell. Tall, covered
with spines, and some of them had pretty leaves hiding that fact until they
were right up on it.
"Perhaps
Seven and Raffi have the right idea...?" The Doctor was already backing
away. "I lack the means to treat you if you are allergic to those spines.
I believe that is Devil's Club. It shows up in my medical references for this
area."
"Yeah,
let's go down and look at the stream from the beach side."
He
got caught up in a fern and had to stop to keep himself from falling. He took a
deep breath and extricated himself as one of the spiders on the fern started to
move toward him.
It
was a damn good thing he hadn't brought Seven up here. She'd have been gone
after the first spiderweb.
And
would have been the smarter of the two of them for it.
##
Seven
was on the porch, sharing the glider with Liam while Raffi and the Doctor had
the chairs. They'd gone to a restaurant on the north shore and now were
enjoying the sunset.
"Can't
believe we have to go back tomorrow," Raffi said. "I'm actually
jealous of you two for the locale more than for your relationship."
"Agreed.
It's breathtaking here." The Doctor was smiling lazily.
Raffi's
padd pinged. She looked down at it and smiled in a sly way.
"The
twins?" Seven asked.
She
shrugged, a mock innocent look on her face.
"Do
we need to head back?" The Doctor had an expression Seven decided she
didn't want to unpack.
"We
do." Raffi got up, and the rest followed suit.
"Don't
do anything I wouldn't do," Seven whispered as she pulled her into a tight
hug. "And I think the Doctor wants to join in."
"They
want him to also."
"What
do you want?"
"I'm
not sure." She eased away, mischief on her face. "But they left it up
to me so..."
"I
don't want to know."
"Good
because I'm not going to tell you." She looked up at Liam. "I guess
you're okay."
"Did
you grow to like me?"
"Don't
exaggerate." But then she pulled him into a quick hug.
"Asshole."
"Guilty
as charged."
"So we'll see you when you come home." She took the
Doctor's arm and they walked down the stairs, Seven and Liam seeing them off,
as they went around to the back, where their flitter was parked.
Once
they were gone, Seven turned in his arms and kissed
him, enjoying having him all to herself again.
"What
do you want to do tonight?"
"Relax.
Move our mattress and the couch cushions back."
"Get
naked?"
"Mmm, yes."
She
started to turn but he held on to her.
"I
want to ask you something, Seven. Set my own expectations. Are you against
marriage?"
"No."
She pulled free and headed for the house.
"I
mean for us. Not theoretically."
She
laughed. "No."
"That's
it? No?"
"It's
a simple question. I answered it. How much more do you want?"
"God
damn it, Hansen. Do you want to eventually marry me?"
"Is that a question or a proposal?"