DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters
are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc and Viacom. The story contents are
the creation and property of Djinn and are copyright (c) 2024 by Djinn. This
story is Rated R.
The Sacredness of Tears (Part 3)
by Djinn
8.
Shaw
woke but he wasn't in the cabin anymore. He was on the Constance and all
hell was raining down around him. Klaxons went off, red alert lights caused
weird shadows, smoke hid the ends of the corridor from view, and he heard the
voice of Locutus.
Coming
from right behind him.
He
whirled and jerked away from the assimilation tube, falling backward as he did,
and skittering like a crab to get away from him.
"Resistance
is futile, Liam Shaw."
For
a moment, he felt pure panic. But then—how the fuck did Locutus
knew his name? He got up and took a step toward him, and Locutus
began to look less gray.
He
took another and the red lights on his implants dimmed.
"Fuck
you!" Shaw yelled and Locutus transformed into
Picard, and he looked old and small and tired.
He
met his eyes, and Picard nodded and looked away. "It's all right. I
understand."
"Be
kind to him," he heard Seven say and her voice came from all around him.
"I
have to forgive him," he murmured and then, as Picard began to crack apart
in front of him, he pulled him into a hug. "You didn't ask for this. None
of us did."
And
everything disappeared and it was the ship again but empty. Pristine condition,
just as it had been when he reported, but no people.
"Show
me your ship?" Seven said from behind him and he held out his hand and she
took it. She was wearing a uniform that matched his except hers was for the
science section and she smiled as they walked, murmuring how beautiful the ship
was.
They
got to an airlock and she opened it and they walked in even though they didn't
have suits on, and then they floated out into space, and it felt like nothing,
but it was welcoming, not hostile, not killing them as it should be.
They
floated away from the ship and he asked, "I have to let it go now, don't
I?" even though sound didn't carry in a vacuum, and she said, "You
do."
And
he didn't look away as everything went back to that day, as he watched—just as
he had from the escape pod—the ship he loved beyond words explode.
"It
was a good ship, Liam."
"It
was the best ship." He watched the escape pod emerge from the debris,
somehow getting away. He met his own eyes and knew it would take him so long to
ever be all right, but he wasn't going to tell that version of him, because it
was too much, too many years to go on if you had to do it knowing how long it
would take. So he just whispered to his younger self,
"You'll be okay."
His
younger self shook his head.
"No,
you really will."
And
he woke up, on the mattress, and reached for Seven but she wasn't there. Then
he saw her, her robe on, sitting legs up in the big chair drinking coffee and
typing on her padd, clearly texting someone. She looked over at him and her
smile was lovely but distracted, which was perfect because he didn't want her
to really have been in his dream.
"Did
you sleep well?" she asked.
"I
did. You?"
"After
last night? That many orgasms? What do you think?" Her smile was wicked.
"I'm working on some stuff. Ship stuff."
"Well,
I'm not going to get in the way of that." With a grin, he got up, poured
himself some coffee, and took it out to the porch.
He'd
refilled twice and gotten breakfast by the time she came out to join him.
"What
do you want to do today?" she asked, snuggling into him.
He
put his arm around her and kissed her hair. "They have passenger ferries
here still. Let's ride one to Seattle. Wander around the waterfront. We can
always have the flitter fly over to pick us up if we don't want to ride the
boat back."
"Okay."
She seemed to be waiting but he wasn't sure for what. Finally, she said,
"You're not going to ask who I was texting with."
"Nope.
Your business. And I trust you wouldn't lie about it being ship's
business." Plus she had a look when she was
working that wasn't there when she was off duty. Even if the person was someone
she liked, which this clearly had been.
She
pulled him to her and kissed him soundly. "I was talking to Elnor about the job."
"You
texted a job offer? Uhhhh..."
She
whapped him gently. "I wouldn't do that to anyone else. Well, okay I might
if it were you or Raff. But he and I perfected the stealth text when Raffi and
I were together and he needed advice. And over time we've kept in touch that
way. So he's very used to me doing this."
"What
did he say?"
"He's
so excited. I'm going to have him cross train with Jack." She was watching
him again as if waiting for a reaction.
"Okay."
"They'll
need a good mentor. Or two."
"Uh
huh." His attention was diverted by a bald eagle flying over, and then the
crows that decided to mob it, chasing it away even though it was so much
bigger.
She
was still looking at him. "I want you and Matthew to be their mentors. You
both know the ship and how it works. You're at different stages in your career
with different experiences."
"Wait,
you want me to mentor Picard's spawn and Raffi's son? Does she know?" He
didn't give a shit if Picard did. Even if he did just hug him in his dream.
"Of
course. I ran it by her first."
"Before
you asked me?" He touched his hand over his heart. "I love
that."
"And
as my first officer, not as his mom. Or not just as his mom."
"Elnor I can get excited about mentoring. Why in God's name
are you saddling me with Jack?"
She
pulled him down for another kiss. "Look how well you did with me."
"You
got me killed."
"Okay,
but, other than that..." She was laughing and he pulled her closer.
"I'm
glad the death of poor, innocent me is so funny." But he let his lips
linger on her hair. "What do you think I can bring him? Matthew, sure.
He's great with everyone."
"Raffi
calls Jack feral and maybe in some senses he is. He grew up like I did. Stuck
on a spaceship, a captive to the whims of his mother, never in one place, few—if
any—permanent friends, a dubious view of morals."
"Explain
that part to me. You seem pretty moral."
"When
I was a kid, I had all kinds of rules. Mostly, now that I can look back as an
adult, they were designed to minimize how annoying raising a child must be when
you are in the middle of the most amazing discovery of your life." Her
voice was bitter.
"They
were assholes."
"Yes.
They were." She snuggled in and snaked her hand over his stomach.
"But they consistently broke rules. I started to ask myself how important
were they. I lost that child's memories and her struggles when I was a drone,
and she took a while to come back once I was liberated. But I remember that
life now. I remember how I never felt as if I was on firm ground."
"But
Kathryn and the Doctor helped you?"
"They
did. All the crew did. But then I was cast loose again. And..." She
sighed. "Icheb got into Starfleet—he was an ex-B
and not even from this quadrant. Chakotay got in as did all the other Maquis.
Once again the rules didn't seem to apply to anyone but me."
He
sighed. "You realize Jack got in because his daddy ensured it."
"I
got in because his daddy and my pseudo mom ensured it. How is it any different?
I came in as a commander. Do you think I felt as if I earned it?"
He
lifted her chin so he could study her. "You acted as if you thought
that."
"Because
I knew everyone else didn't. You know how stubborn I am."
"Yes.
I do."
She
laughed softly. "He's being fast-tracked the same way I was. It's going to
play with his head. Until he has you forcing him to earn that rank. To earn his
place. You have no idea how good you are at mentoring."
"I
was a dick to you. The name—"
"Who
had me cross train everywhere?"
"Me."
"Who
created a holodeck program that combined regulations and hunting down
hostiles?"
"Me."
He loved that fucking game.
"Who
would periodically find something I'd excel at over him so I wouldn't give up?"
He
rubbed his chin in an almost Pavlovian response. She'd won every sparring
match. "Me."
"Who
sat with me in my quarters, sharing a special bottle of his favorite wine, when
I lost my first person on an away mission?"
"Me."
"Every
single one of those things mattered—and you'll find things that will matter to
him." She lifted her face to him and he kissed her gently. "And I
don't want you to not be a mentor. You're too good at it."
"I'll
be mentoring the Doctor if I get him on the project."
"I've
seen you two. You like him as an equal."
He
nodded. "You're not wrong." He sighed. "Fine. Tell me about Elnor? What will I do for him?"
"Honestly,
I think you'll just enjoy him. And he's been literally raised by women. He'll
be happy to have a male in his life that isn't Picard." She sighed.
"Picard's trying—with Jack anyway. I'm not sure if he's been talking to Elnor. But he's..."
"He's
Picard. That's never going to equal hands-on dad. Or consistency in anything
other than he'll find you when he needs you."
"Sadly
true, I'm afraid. I'm really interested to see how Elnor
and Jack get on."
"Are
you saying that as the captain or as someone who is mom-adjacent for both these
kids?"
She
laughed. "A little bit of both, I think."
"Well,
just so long as you're clear."
##
Seven
sat with Shaw inside the upper level of the ferry. They'd been outside but it
was too windy and cold for staying long. This part of the ferry was outfitted
with rows of banquette seats facing each other along the windows, and chairs
arranged in rows in the middle. Toward the dining area, the banquette seats had
a table between them. They were riding well after rush hour so anyone going
into the city for work had long since left.
Her
old ranger instincts were telling her they should have chosen to sit in the
chairs, against the bulkhead, where no one could sneak up on them. She hated
having her back to everyone behind her, didn't like having another banquette
butt up against theirs. No one was sitting there but anyone could attack.
She
forced herself to still, take a deep breath. They were on a ferry filled with
tourists. No one was going to attack them.
Still,
she turned around to assess who was near them.
No
one in the banquette pair directly behind them, but the next one had what
looked like a father and daughter. They were facing the other way, and both had
their heads down as if looking at padds not out the
window—locals probably. The gorgeous scenery had long since lost its ability to
hold their interest.
It
held hers and Liam was constantly pointing things out. She loved how interested
he was in everything.
She
heard footsteps and tensed slightly, but it was just the father and daughter
headed for the dining car.
"Something
got you spooked?" Liam put his arm around her.
"Yeah.
When I was a ranger, those instincts saved me more than once."
"And
I'm glad they did or you wouldn't be here with me. You want to change
seats?"
"Yes,
but that's stupid. The view's better from here and outside's too cold."
"Do
you at least want the window? We can switch?"
She
laughed gently. "Do I want to be hemmed in and have you in danger?
No."
He
chuckled. "I love that my girlfriend is such a badass. I don't love that
she thinks I can't take care of myself. Remember Chi Four?"
"The
bar?" Where he'd taken down four guys who'd decided they didn't like ex
Borg. She'd taken down six but still—he'd done good.
She
was laughing when she saw the father coming back with a coffee. He took one
look at her and said, "Fucking son of a bitch. What is wrong with
you?"
She
was on her feet as he strode to her, his coffee jostling so much it was a
miracle none spilled.
"You
think this is fucking funny?" he shouted at her.
She
realized he was wearing a Star Fleet Academy Parent shirt.
"Aren't
you a little old for body mods? You make me sick, pretending to be one of the
assholes that killed my boy."
"Wait,
what?" She could see the daughter hurrying toward them, her "Dad,
come on" sounded like this was not unexpected behavior.
Liam
handed the guy his padd. "She's not pretending to be anything."
She
had no idea what he was showing him. It better not be
her service record.
"Oh,
shit. Captain Seven." The father's eyes met hers as he handed Liam the
padd back and she realized it was some "Heroes of Frontier Day"
article—Liam must have had it bookmarked. Big sap. "I'm so sorry, Captain.
There's these kids—old enough to be in Starfleet but
nothing that Starfleet would ever want. They think it's funny to look Borg. Had
body mods done. Some sort of counter-culture bullshit."
"Ironic
Anarchists," his daughter said softly.
She
smiled sadly at her, then turned back to the father. "Your son died at
Frontier Day?"
He
nodded.
"What
year was he?"
"It
was his first year. I don't even understand how he got changed. Or why he was
shot." He sat down heavily, his coffee spilling this time on his shirt,
but he didn't seem to notice. Tears dripped out of his eyes and fell too,
mingling with the coffee.
She
sat next to him. "On our ship, we had our phasers set to stun. But the
kids who were taken didn't. And other places, the people who weren't changed,
who were fighting back—well, some of them didn't set their weapons to stun. I'm
so sorry for your loss."
"I
just miss him so fucking much. I just feel so alone."
She
saw his daughter flinch so she met Liam's eyes and he eased the girl away,
saying, "Let me buy you a coffee," and then she was alone with the
father.
"I
want to kill them. Those kids who mock my son's sacrifice."
"I
had a son in Starfleet too. He was killed years ago by a very evil person. I
spent too much of my life hunting her down. I don't think—" She took a
deep breath, realizing she'd never actually said this out loud. "I don't
think my boy would be proud of me. He joined Starfleet to make a difference. He
was about life, not death."
The
man took her hand. "But did it make you feel better?"
"Yes,
but not for long. You have to find a way to live, to honor him. You still have
a child. I didn't."
"She's
going away."
"Children
do that."
"She's
going there. To the Academy. She might as well be dead too."
"No.
No, that's not true. And...she needs you."
"She's
leaving. She won't need me."
She
thought how good it had felt to see the Doctor, to have him be the man who
helped her become herself, not some potential suitor. "She will always
need you. No matter how far away she goes or time passes. Don't shut her
out." Like she shut out her Voyager family. The Doctor had been
right about that—they'd all gone into Starfleet and left her standing outside,
but that didn't mean she had to run to the edge of the quadrant. She could have
stayed in touch. She didn't have to be alone.
But
it was her choice. The only one she'd felt she could make at the time.
The
man took her hand, holding tightly. "I'm Charlie Andrews, by the
way."
"Seven
of Nine."
"That's
a weird fucking name."
"It's
Borg."
He
didn't ask her why she wanted to be Borg. He just seemed happy she wasn't one
of those stupid kids. "If she goes to the Academy, if she's eventually
deployed, how do I know she'll be okay?"
"You
don't."
"How
do I live with that?"
She
didn't have an answer for that. But maybe Raffi did, her programs she used to
stay sober. "One day at a time."
#
Shaw
sat with Marissa as she drank her coffee, not looking at him. She'd told him
about her brother Zach. She'd told him about her own acceptance to Starfleet.
She
hadn't told him how her dad was blocking her out of his life, but Shaw could
see it. He imagined there were other times the man hung on too tight. Nothing
or too much. Grief could do that.
"I'm
thinking of taking a gap year. Then going to the UW, Starfleet ROTC." She
met his eyes. "Valid, right? Not everyone goes to the Academy."
"Why
did you want to go to the Academy?"
"Because
Zach did."
"Why
are you going to take a gap year?"
She
swallowed hard. "To make sure my father doesn't..." She took an
almost desperate sip of her coffee. "My mom died a year before Zach. It's
just been too much."
He
nodded. He'd been there, after Wolf. There had been been
nights his parents hadn't gone to bed and he'd known they'd been afraid they
wouldn't find him alive in the morning if they left him alone.
"What
should I do?"
"You've
got to do what you think is right. If the Academy was just a way to get noticed
by your father..."
"He
used to notice me. Before Zach died. He used to care that he had two
kids." She took a deep, world-weary breath.
"I'm
sorry." He studied her. "Have you taken time to grieve?"
"I
don't know." She shook her head. "That's not true, I cry at night.
When he's finally asleep. I don't want to add to his pain."
"Sometimes
pain gets easier when it's shared."
She
nodded as if it might be something she considered. "The thing is, I can't
stay with him forever."
"No,
you can't."
"And
I can't be Zach. He was in command track. I'm interested in engineering."
"I
may have a background in that." He smiled gently.
"Was
it fun? Being a Starfleet Engineer?"
"It
was the best."
She
made a sad face. "Was the Academy fun?"
"No
idea. I was enlisted. Went through OCS. Now I'm a commodore. Weird shit
happens." He grinned at her. "If Starfleet is in your future, then
you'll get there. You want my advice?"
"I
really do."
"If
going to the Academy is really important to you, go. But call your dad every
day you have access. Keep him invested in you, in life."
"What
if it's not. What if engineering is."
"Then
go to the fucking UW. It's got a fabulous program. I know a prof there. He's
amazing. Give me your contact info and I'll have him call you."
"Thank
you." She brought up her comm code and he keyed it into his padd.
"What about the gap year?"
"I
can't advise on that. You know your dad. If you think it's the right thing to
do..."
"I'm
really worried about him."
"You
can call him just as easily from Seattle as from San Francisco. And you'll have
weekends, holidays—days you just want to be home."
"I'll
think about it." She eased out of the booth. "Can we go check on
him?"
"I
can assure you that Seven won't hurt him. She's good with people. Better than I
am."
Marissa
laughed. "Don't sell yourself short, sir."
"Look
at you with the sneaky sir." He grinned, his full grin. "I think
whatever you decide, you'll be fine."
"I
hope so."
##
Seven
waved to Charlie and Marissa as they headed off. "You think we helped
them?"
Liam
was standing next to her, his arm around her shoulder. "I hope so."
"If
I see any of those wannabe Borg kids, I may get violent."
"No you won't. It's a free world, even if they are being
total assholes. Eventually most of them will get the body mods redone to some
other obnoxious thing."
She
laughed bitterly. "True."
"Let's
just wander. Find a place where the food smells good and eat there."
She
pulled him to her, kissed him quickly. "I love you." As she kissed
him, she reached for his padd but he stopped her, laughing into her mouth.
She
eased away. "Why did you have that article so close to hand?"
"Because
you look hotter than shit in it." He laughed. "Also
it was a great write up and you said nice things about me. One might have
thought you liked me." He grinned, a big stupid grin and she laughed.
"Meh."
"Yeah,
I know. Story of my life: meh." He took her hand and pulled to get her
moving.
They
wandered for a long time before they found a place that enticed both of them
into it. They sat outside at the back of the restaurant, surrounded by portable
heaters and enjoyed the view off the pier. She ordered salmon but Liam ordered
something called geoduck, but he pronounced it "gooey duck."
"I
love duck. Can we share?"
He
just started to laugh.
"God
damn it, Liam." She pulled out her padd and looked up geoduck. The picture
that met her eyes was... "Oh my."
He
just laughed harder.
"I
wasn't aware you were into eating things that look so much like a dick."
"I
have unplumbed depths. And yes, we can share. Wait until you've tried it before
you mock me."
"Have
you had it before?"
He
shook his head. "But my cousin goes on and on about it. And he and I
usually agree so..."
"So we're eating clam dick."
"If
you want to put it that way, sure." He took a long pull from his beer.
She
studied him for a moment, then said softly, "We're both feeling it, aren't
we?"
"The
pull of the ship?"
She
nodded.
"Yeah.
I think we're on last days here."
"I
think so too. But I'm okay with that. Talking to Charlie—as a captain, as a
member of Starfleet—it helped. God, that sounds awful. I feel better because of
his pain."
"No,
you were reminded who you are at heart by his pain. You didn't profit off it.
You're too kind for that."
"You're
pretty kind yourself. And mentoring even when the kid's not in Starfleet
yet."
He
grinned. "I thought of that."
"I
can't wait to get you on my ship." She phrased it that way to see what
he'd do—if there'd be any kind of reaction.
But
he just grinned. "I can't wait for that either."
The
server came and set down the plates. Liam's looked nothing like the raw clam,
for which she was very grateful. She cut him half her salmon and he gave her
half his clam and they tried it first.
"Oh
my God, this is good," she said.
"Really
fucking is." He took a taste of the salmon. "Mmmm,
you're going to like this too."
They
were pretty quiet as they happily devoured the meal and then went back to
exploring, eventually coming to a big open air market.
They stopped at one stand to watch people slinging fish, which was weird but
Liam seemed to dig it more than she did so she held his hand and ducked
instinctively when a fish flew over them.
The
market lay in front of them, a huge place to explore but Liam wasn't moving and
she didn't push him.
"Ready
to go back to the cabin?" she asked softly.
"I
am. But if you want to explore...?"
"I
don't." She pulled up the ferry schedule, they should be able to catch the
next one if they didn't dawdle. "Let's go home."
They
barely made it because they did dawdle in front of a fudge place, but they were
safely ensconced in a booth and drinking coffee as they shared the fudge by the
time the ferry pulled out.
She
realized she was sleepy when she yawned way too big, but he just put his arm
around her and said, "Nap. I'll look out for you."
They
were as exposed as they had been on the ride over, but somehow
she felt safer this time. She even had taken the spot closest to the window.
"I love you, Liam. This was a good day."
"Yeah,
it was. And I love you too." His lips were soft on her forehead.
She
closed her eyes and fell asleep, and then after the short walk to their flitter
once they got back to their side of the Sound, she fell asleep in his arms
there too.
She
woke as he urged her out of the flitter. "I don't know why I'm so
sleepy."
"Fresh
sea air." He was yawning now too.
They
got the stove going enough to give them a little heat but didn't bother with
the fireplace. Then they both fell asleep, cuddled tightly together under the
covers.
If
she had any dreams, she didn't remember them.
9.
Shaw
lay on the blanket in the front yard, reading a padd, enjoying the afternoon
sun on his back. Seven was next to him working on her padd. He could tell she
wanted to tell him something because she kept shifting the same way she used to
do in her chair on the ship.
"What?"
He asked it just the way he would have when he was her captain, half
interested, half asshole, and she laughed.
"What's
my tell?"
Normally
he didn't like to give away an advantage, but she needed to know she did this.
"You shift way more than your usual." Which was a lot. One had to
know her to realize she was doing it more than usual. "Why do you fidget
so much?"
"My
station, in astrometrics, on Voyager didn't
have a chair. As a ranger, I made my own schedule so generally I didn't have to
sit a whole shift in a chair. I'll have to watch that." She seemed to be
considering. "Although when on task, if seated, I tend to just do the
job."
"That's
true. It's when you have nothing to do but look at the big screen or a padd
that you go nuts." He reached over and ruffled her hair. "What is it
you don't want to tell me?"
"I
want to invite Kathryn and Chakotay and their dogs out here for the day. You
were right: I do need to talk to her. And to him. And maybe to both of them.
But I want it on neutral ground that's more mine than theirs."
He
laughed. "Okay. Do you want me gone?"
She
looked over at him. "Why would I want you gone?"
"This
part predates me."
"So?
I'm not going to have you there when I talk to her. She and I will be out on
the spit like Raffi and I were when she and the Doctor visited."
"So I'm supposed to entertain Chuckles?"
"Please
don't call him that."
"You
know I'm going to." He grinned.
But
her face did something he didn't like. "Or, I can just call him
Chakotay."
"I
don't want to get him defensive before he and I talk. So
no nickname."
"But
I can still call her Katie-Kate?"
She
laughed and nodded, then she began to text.
"Is
it against your religion to make an actual voice comm?"
"I
have no religion. And this is efficient." She rolled her eyes at him.
"I'm not going to comm you by voice every time I need a quick
answer."
"Well
aware." She'd been a heavy text user when she was his exec. At least she'd
never used it when they were seated right next to each other unless they were
planning a surprise party for someone on the bridge.
She
put the padd down and snuggled next to him. "They're coming on Saturday. So either things will go so badly I'll want to stay here
forever."
"Or...?"
"Or
I think I want to go back to the ship on Sunday. Is that too soon?"
"No."
He frowned.
"Hey,
if it is, we can stay here longer. I don't want to—"
"I
need your advice."
"Okay."
"I've
been thinking that when we get back..." God, he couldn't believe he was
going to say this, but the dream he'd had was haunting him a little. "I
think I may go out to Chateau Picard and uh..."
"Beard
the lion in his den?"
"I
need to tell him I forgive him—for being Locutus. But
first I want him to give me a goddamn nod or something for what I did for him.
Even if I was a dick the whole time."
"Do
you want me to come with you?"
"Yes,
but I need to do the thing with him alone."
"Okay."
He
pulled her closer so he could kiss her. "Do you think it's stupid? It was
so long ago...maybe he'll tell me to shove my forgiveness and—"
"I
don't think it's stupid. And I think you're doing this for yourself, not for
him, so who cares what he says? You'll have said what you needed to."
"I
had this dream. I was back on the Constance and you were there. You told
me to be nice to him."
"And
you actually listened?" She was laughing softly.
"Fuck
you." But he was laughing too. "I did. I gave him a hug. Pretty sure
I won't be doing that in real life. Have you ever hugged him?"
"I
don't think so. You have my permission to not hug him."
"He's
not very huggable."
"No."
She laughed and rubbed his nose with hers. "You, on the other
hand..."
"Are
very huggable?"
"And
lovable. And fuckable."
"And
arguable. With."
She
cackled. "Especially that." She kissed him tenderly for a long time
and he rolled to his side and put his leg over hers, pulling her into him, as
close as he could get with their clothes still on.
"What
do you want to do today?" he asked.
"Go
to Dungeness. Eat crab. But not just yet." She pushed him to his back and
was clearly going to take advantage of him when her padd chirped.
She
slid off him when she glanced at the screen, and hurried to pick it up.
"It's the tech from the test."
"Do
you want me to leave?"
She
shook her head, sat up cross legged, and answered in video mode.
"Hello."
"Captain
Seven." The man's voice was shaking. "Do you have time to talk?"
"I
do."
"I
wanted to talk about the test—more specifically about what I was doing while
you were stuck in it."
"Okay.
Has HR finished its investigation?"
He
laughed. "HR? Finish something this fast? Uh, no."
Shaw
had to bite back a laugh at that. Seven's expression didn't change.
"I
need to back up, all the way to Frontier Day. If that's all right, ma'am?"
She
nodded.
"My
kid sister Jenny was between assignments and was staying with us on home leave.
My seven-year-old daughter Abbie, who adores her aunt, saw her change that
day."
Shaw
closed his eyes.
"Jenny
didn't try to assimilate us. I'm not sure if that was even something they could
do since it wasn't the normal type of assimilation for them, right?"
"Right.
They couldn't. It's why they were killing people instead of assimilating."
Shaw
wondered if the queen would have eventually changed that. The idea gave him the
fucking creeps.
"She
told Abbie she'd be back for her, that she'd be put into some kind of maturing
chamber, whatever that is."
Seven's
hand stole out for his and he held on tightly. "I'm familiar with
those."
"Then
Jenny left and we barricaded the house and just waited. Abbie..." His
voice cracked, like he was tearing up. "She has nightmares. She was
terrified of her aunt, but we thought it important—once Jenny turned back—to
keep her in the house with us for the rest of her leave, to let Abbie see she
wasn't going to hurt her and I think they're going to be okay. We went to
family therapy—all of us. It's better now except she has nightmares and then
she won't go back to sleep. Usually her mom stays up
with her but she was at a conference so I did. For three nights in a row—I
think Abbie was worse because her mom was gone." He sighed. "The
reason I didn't get you out sooner, was that I fell asleep. The sessions are
recorded. I don't know why anyone isn't talking to me about dereliction of duty—other
than they know my story. But...I should have gotten you out so much sooner. And
I'm so sorry I didn't."
Seven's
grip on his hand tightened, and he tried to assess if she believed the guy.
Just listening to him, the emotion in his voice, he did.
"It
couldn't have helped that I was Borg," Seven finally said gently.
"Ma'am,
you're part of what saved us. That makes what I did
worse, not okay."
"I
was assimilated as a child. I remember the terror I felt when they came for me.
I fully understand what Abbie's going through. And how hard it must be for you
and your wife. And your sister."
He
nodded. "But I left you in there so long."
She
looked over at Shaw, their eyes meeting, hers so soft and gentle. "You
did. And because you did, I have something now I might not have otherwise. I'm
not going to push for disciplinary measures."
"Thank
you, ma'am."
"If
you ever want me to come over and talk to Abbie—if you think that would be
helpful. Let me know."
"That's
very generous of you. I'll ask our therapist next week what she thinks of
that."
"Roger
that. Anything else?"
"No,
ma'am. Just, again, I'm so, so very sorry."
"Accepted.
Seven out." And she ended the call and put her padd down. "That
wasn't what I expected."
"You
think you should tell Raffi that?"
She
shook her head. "It was a story that I resonate with. If it's true, she'll
find out. If it's not, she'll find out."
"She's
a mother, Seven. She's gonna resonate too. Don't you
think a heads up on what you found out—"
She
shook her head. "You don't know her once she's on the scent. She will get
to the bottom of this. But, I really hope he's not
lying."
"Me
too."
##
Seven
cracked crab with an intensity she could tell was
slightly terrifying to Liam. She remembered this, though. From when she was a
kid. She wasn't sure of when—no memory came back. Except the muscle memory of
how to crack, break, and then eat.
She
ignored the butter he was happily dipping his in and just enjoyed the sweet
tender flesh.
"Good
thing we got the extra one to split," he said with a grin as he dished up
some more cole slaw.
They
were at a picnic table on the deck of the restaurant, facing the huge spit and
lighthouse at Dungeness. The breeze was lovely, the air smelled like the sea,
and there were a few other couples and families on the deck and in the
restaurant but not so many it felt like they had to rush.
"Did
you see all the pies they had in that rotating case?" he asked.
She
nodded with a smile.
"Blackberry
cobbler warmed up with ice cream is so fucking good."
"And
you can have that. I like key lime."
"Certainly your prerogative." He flinched as she took on
an especially tough claw. "Are you cracking that or assassinating
it?"
"There's
no right way."
"I
think there actually is."
She
rolled her eyes and dug out the lump from inside the claw. "Mmmmm."
As
she determined the next part to attack, a little boy left his table at the end
of the deck, walked over to theirs, pulled himself up next to Seven, and said,
"Hi."
"Well,
hello."
"My
parents have no idea how to get the crabs open and you clearly do."
Liam
coughed. When the kid didn't look over, he said, "I can also show
you."
"She's
better at it than you, Mister."
She
couldn't hold her cackle back and the kid grinned.
"Can
you come show us?"
"I
can." She wiped her hands and got up. "Do not eat that second one
without me, Liam."
"Wouldn't
dream of it."
As
they walked to the other table, the boy said, "My name's Michael. What's
yours?"
"Seven."
"That's
a number, not a name."
She
stopped and put her hands on her hips, the way she used to with Icheb. "Do you want my help or don't you?"
"Fine,
it's a name. Kind of a dumb one, though."
"Yes,
my friend would agree with you." She smiled at his family, who all sat
with crabs and looked lost.
The
mom took in her implants but the dad seemed to just want to learn the technique
for cracking crab. Once she got them going, she went back to Liam.
"I
could have showed them."
"Yeah,
yeah." She laughed softly. "The guy didn't even notice my
implants."
"Hon',
the guy noticed them, and everything else about you. He just didn't want to
piss off his wife."
"No,
he seemed really intent on the crab." She frowned at him. "I can tell
when I'm being ogled."
"You
thought I never ogled you."
He
had a point. "Don't spoil my moment. That kid was a cutie."
"He
was."
"I'm
revising my age limit for the kids we adopt as slave labor on our oyster
farm."
He
chuckled. "Berries and Shit Farm and Goat Yoga."
"You
changed the name?"
"Classing
up the joint I'm not, but Pearl Beyond Price sounds like we're bragging."
"Also,
no pearls. People might claim false advertising."
"Right,
that. I read up on local oysters and you might find one every now and then but
not reliably." He pulled the bucket with the crab over and they divided up
the extra legs. "If you were fascinated by pearls, do you like to wear
them?"
"I
like the big Tahitian ones. Although I hardly ever wear my jewelry."
"Yeah,
I don't remember you ever wearing anything but those gold hoop earrings. Well,
you can wear your pearls for me once we're on the ship."
"You
want to see me in a fancy dress?"
His
eyes got very intense. "I don't recall mentioning clothing for this
scenario."
She
loved how he was making her feel. Aroused and amused all at once. "You
sure didn't, did you?"
"Nope."
He took his time cracking open a leg. "Something to look forward to once
we're onboard."
##
They
decided not to hike the spit—which his padd told him was one of the longest in
the world and made their spit look like a wimp—to the lighthouse, choosing
instead to check out some of the lavender farms. Most of the plants would be on
their last blooms, if that, but their server had told them about a farm that
had a biodome where the plants grew year round.
As
they walked into the biodome, the scent of lavender assailed him.
"Wow."
She
took his hand, her hold gentle. "Yeah. Wow."
They
wandered the rows of plants, all different varieties—some that his padd didn't
recognize and when he checked the information card, had only recently been
developed.
She
was looking at another card. "This place is a lab as well as a farm."
She leaned in to smell the flowers. "They all are subtly different."
She
let go of his hand and walked over to the display about how the lab worked, and
he decided to wander over to the gift shop because his mom loved lavender
anything. He bought a candle and some soap and then wandered some more,
eventually finding Seven deep into the rows of flowers with no one around them.
Pulling
her close, he kissed her, and she wrapped her arms around his neck and laughed
into his mouth. He eased away. "What?"
"I
love you. And it makes me happy."
"I
love you too. But for me, it's sort of a bummer." He laughed at her
expression. "Oops, no sex for me tonight." He pulled her back, kissed
her in a way that he hoped would let her know how very, very happy she really
did make him.
"So what did you buy?" she asked once he let her go.
"Stuff
for my mom. Who you are going to meet."
"I
don't get to meet your dad?"
"Well,
yeah, of course. But he's not into lavender." He gave her a mock scowl.
"You cannot expect me to be mentally with it after kissing you. You just
can't."
Her
smile was a very pleased one. "You forget how to think?"
He
nodded. "And talk. And do math."
"Square
root of 4,761?"
"Sixty-nine.
Hardly a challenge though. Ever wise-ass boy taking math asks about that
one."
"Some
girls too." She grinned. "Although not me since I had no idea what
that was and my teachers were my parents."
"Oh,
we didn't ask our teachers about that one either because our teachers were
nuns. We asked the older kids." He grinned at her expression. "Which
you couldn't. So you had no childhood crushes?"
"I
did. But they weren't people I saw more than once generally. We only stopped to
resupply as we followed the Borg around. Plus I was
six."
"I
had a crush on my babysitter at six. Her name was Loretta and she was
everything my little boy's heart could want."
"How
old was this Loretta? Am I going to have to take her
on?"
He
laughed. "No. She was about forty back then. I don't actually know if
she's still alive. Her husband was transferred when I was eight and I never saw
her again."
"Were
you heartbroken?"
"No,
by eight I believed girls had cooties, an idea I would not get over until I was
about thirteen."
"Who
was your first girlfriend?"
"Lacey
Michaels. Long blonde hair. So hot. I was fourteen."
"So was that your first kiss?"
"Oh,
God no. Lacey Michaels had no idea I was alive." He laughed at her
expression. "I just firmly believed she should be my first girlfriend."
"Dipshit."
"Like
I said." He put his arm around her. "Ready to go?"
"I
want to get a bouquet to have for when Kathryn and Chakotay come."
She
picked blooms from a bunch of varieties and then was checking out the vases.
"We
can just use a glass."
"If
they're still pretty on Saturday, I want to give them to Kathryn. I think your
cousin would appreciate me not giving away one of his glasses."
"True."
He held the flowers for her as she spent way too long deciding on a vase.
She
finally held up two different ones and just because he knew her, he pointed to
the one he liked least.
"You're
sure?"
"Yep."
Sure
enough, she put that one back on the shelf and kept the other one. He gave her
back the flowers and said, "Brat."
"The
one I kept was your favorite, not the one you pointed to."
"Says
who?"
"Says
your body language. You shook your head rather than nodded when you said,
'Yep.' Unconscious mixed message." She rolled her eyes at him and walked
off to pay.
Fuck,
she was hot. And had he really done that?
When
she rejoined him, he said, "Learned that in Ranger school, huh?"
"There
is no Ranger school."
"Still...
And not every culture nods for yes."
"True.
But you do."
"I
could have been fucking with you."
"You
were fucking with me. You think I'm contrary so you picked the one you didn't
like so I'd pick the one you did. But I picked the one you did, because you're
a shit liar." She laughed at his expression. "You're an open book
now. No mystery. I think I'm done with you."
"A
mean brat."
She
cackled. "Let's go home. I'll make it up to you."
"I'm
gonna hold you to that."
"You
can hold me any way you like, Commodore Shaw." She leaned in, whispered in
his ear, "Nothing is off the table. At least for discussion."
Some
parts of him reacted immediately to that. "Nothing?"
"Not
a goddamned thing. Tell me I'm a brat now, mister."
And
she sauntered out of the biodome and he just stood there, smiling like a
goddamned idiot.
The
woman who'd rung him up came out and stood next to him. "New love?"
"She's
everything." He realized she was holding another bouquet. White but they
smelled like the purple lavender.
"For
her. Surprise her. They're rare."
"Like
her." He nodded. "Thank you."
"Thank
you for visiting."
He
hurried out to the flitter and handed Seven the bouquet then climbed inside.
"My lady."
"Awww. This is so sweet."
"I
wish I could claim credit, but it was from the woman who rang us up."
She
gave him a very sweet kiss as the flitter rose and headed home. "I like
that you're honest."
"I
like that you're you."
"I
like that you're you too."
"God
damn we're sappy."
She
laughed gently. "I really don't mind."
"Yeah,
me neither."
10.
Seven
showed Janeway and Chakotay around the cabin, then Chakotay went out to the
front yard where Liam was playing with the dogs, leaving her and Kathryn alone.
"I turned on the barrier—there isn't much traffic on this road as I
imagine there used to be—but there is the occasional vehicle. I don't want them
to get hurt."
"Thank
you, Seven." Kathryn sounded as stiff and nervous as she felt.
Their
men on the other hand seemed to be copacetic as they sat with the dogs.
"Irish
setters," Kathryn said. "I can finally have them again."
She
glanced at her. "You could have before. Ever since we landed."
"It
took me a while to give up hope of a ship. Even when it was clear I wasn't
going to get one. A dog would have..." Kathryn shook her head as she went
to sniff the lavender, which still looked beautiful. "Wow, these are
amazing."
"We
got them in Sequim. I got the purple bouquet for you."
Kathryn
glanced at her with a surprised and pleased smile. "What if I want the
white one?"
"It's
mine."
"Oh,
Seven. If only we'd talked to each other that way on the ship about a certain
person." She sighed.
"Agreed."
"Well,
I love the purple ones. I'll put them on my desk and they can remind me that
someday you and Shaw will be coming home."
"We're
coming home tomorrow." She felt it inside her. She didn't care how this
day went. It was time to go home—to her ship. Her ship.
Kathryn
stared at her. "Tomorrow?"
"Yeah.
You're free to have Troi read me but I will never
take that test again."
"And
I would never ask you to. But I will ask Troi to
certify you for duty. It might help you to know that test won't be deployed.
Not until Starfleet Medical figures out the common denominator between you and Shimoto."
"Starfleet
Medical? Not Raffi and the Doctor?"
Her
smile was wry. "Oh, I'm sorry, did Shaw not want the Doctor on his very
special project? And on your ship?"
Seven
laughed. "He's salivating at the idea."
"And
I like the idea of him being there, just in case."
"Just
in case...?"
"Anything?
He's become more autonomous over the years. I've seen to that." She didn't
look away, her gaze was unflinching. "The way I
didn't see to things with you."
"Would
you have really resigned?" It was something she'd never been sure of.
"I'd
like to think I would have." Kathryn walked to the window, laughed at
something that the men were doing. "But... What do you believe?"
"I
believe neither. And both. When I was in need of a fairy godmother on a bad
day, I'd think of you and know you would have resigned for me. I was that
important to you. But on days I wanted to wallow..."
"I
was the evil stepmother. I let you go." She turned. "I shoved you
out, even?"
"Did
you?"
"No,
Seven. I did fight for you. But I was on shaky ground with Command back then.
And you had Chakotay. I'm not sure I would have resigned. Not when I had
nothing."
"You
had everyone."
"Everyone
but him."
"No.
You had him too." She walked to her. "He was always with both of us.
I never had him to myself. I do plan to talk to him about that today."
"And
I plan to grill Shaw on his intentions." She laughed. "Which will
involve fun nicknames and copious swearing, no doubt, on his part. What's he
calling Chakotay?"
"Chakotay."
"What
would he have called him if you hadn't told him not to." She grinned in a utterly knowing way.
"Chuckles."
Kathryn
cracked up. "He would not like that."
"Yeah he has less of a sense of humor about himself than one
might guess."
"I
don't find that."
"You
didn't let me finish. Except with you. He could laugh at himself with you. I
saw it, on the ship. I saw the lack of it with me."
"I
was so jealous of you, Seven. You were young, and beautiful, and innocent. I
thought he'd be happy with you—the way he seemed to be in the alternate
universe that the older me told us about."
"That
him lost me. And you were farther away from him on the ship than you ever were
once we got back. Sitting right next to each other, there was so much distance.
I understand that now." She touched Kathryn's hand. "I'm happy now. With
my captain. I'm glad he's happy with his."
Kathryn
pulled her in for a hug, one that went on for a lot longer than Seven expected. Then she heard a sob and eased away, saw
that Kathryn was crying. "I'm sorry, Seven. I could have come and gotten
you at any point once I made Fleet Commander. And I didn't."
She
brushed her tears away, as if she was the mother and Kathryn her child.
"And I could have come to you at any point once you made Fleet Commander.
And I didn't."
"You
kept track of me?"
"No.
But I had messages coming in from a lot of people from the ship. Urging me to
come home. And I chose to stay out there."
"Because
you were looking for Icheb's killer?"
"It
became my only purpose."
"Having
had a single purpose, having pushed people I cared about away for that purpose,
I can only commiserate." She wiped her eyes. "Look at me. What a
crybaby."
Seven
laughed gently.
"Oh and the tech running the test?"
Seven
nodded.
"He
wasn't malicious."
"Was
he negligent?" She kept her expression clear.
Kathryn.
"Yes."
"Will
he be written up for it?"
She
sighed. "It's very complicated."
"No,
it's not. He reached out to me a few days ago. He told me about his daughter. I
offered to talk to her, one little girl terrified by the Borg to another, if he
thought it might help."
"That
was kind of you, Seven."
"I
am kind." She realized she was starting to cry but made no attempt to stop
the tears. "He's checking with their family therapist. See if it would
help or make things worse. I couldn't save Icheb, but
I will help this one if they want me to. Not out of guilt. Because it's the
right thing to do. And that's what Starfleet does, at its best. The right
thing."
"Yes.
It is."
"I'll
try to remember that. As I'm beating the shit out of someone."
Kathryn
laughed. "This side of you is more than a little terrifying."
"I
learned from a Hirogen."
"You
certainly did."
A
burst of laughter sounded from outside.
"Good
God, do you think they're getting along?"
"I
wouldn't put it past them. Until one of us indicates that we're pissed. Then
they'll revert to being champions."
"My
angry warrior." At Seven's confused look, she smiled and shook her head.
"And your knight in slightly tarnished armor. Nothing was going to stop
him from taking you out of Starfleet Command that day. I could have tried, but
I did not want to see what he would do for you. Or you for him."
So
many things she could have said to that. But she went with one of Liam's
favorite sayings: "Good call."
##
Shaw
threw the ball as far down the spit as he could without sending the dogs into
the mud.
"I
thought there'd be water."
"Yeah,
Katie-Kate, there's this thing called tides..."
"I
grew up in the Midwest."
"So
did I. Lame excuse."
"But
you had the lake."
He
couldn't argue with that so he waited for the dogs to come back, then threw the
ball again.
"So you haven't called Chakotay a funny name."
"Nope."
"Seven
ask you not to? Seeing as how she wanted to talk to him alone?"
"Maybe."
He jogged out to where the dogs were waiting, apparently tired of retrieving.
She
kept up with him, not even losing her balance in the loose pebbles.
"What's his nickname?"
"Not
going to tell you. If those two can get their shit together and we all end up
best buds, I'll pull it out for grins. But I know you're not missing that me
and your man and me and you are hitting if off way better than those two
are."
"And
Seven and I as well. We had a really good talk."
"I'm
glad."
"You
really are, aren't you? And not because I'm the CINC and good for both of your
careers. But because you want her to be happy."
He
turned to meet her eyes. "I do want her to be happy. But if I ever think
you're bad for her, I'll do my best to keep her far, far away from you
both."
"Are
you threatening me, Liam?"
"Nope.
Just dropping a truth bomb."
"You're
more than a little annoying, Shaw."
He
laughed. "I know. Isn't it great?"
"Well,
as long as she's happy."
"How
long you going to let me stay on her ship?" He settled into the sandiest
part of the spit—which was still pretty rocky but he could pretend with the
best of them.
"As
long as she wants you there. I've been toying with the idea of reinstituting
Fleet Captains once the project is done, and I can see you as one. You'll need
to be on a ship. Might as well be hers. Unless she gets sick of you and then
I'll throw you back to B'Elanna, who is very sad to
have lost you."
"I
really liked working for her."
"For
the nanosecond you actually did?"
"You
and I both know you can find out what you need to know about a person mighty
fast after a crisis." He laughed as one of the dogs crawled into his lap.
"They
think they're Shih Tzus, I swear." She grinned as the other one crawled
into hers. "So I'm approving the Doctor for your
project."
"Thank
you." He grinned broadly. "It's really hard to think of him as a
hologram."
"Believe
me, I know. But he is and he may someday be an important safeguard."
"We're
on the same page. As is Seven, I'm sure." Hell, she was probably pages ahead of them. He was pretty sure neither he or
Kathryn would have put the chef at the helm—they'd have taken it themselves.
Seven
saw potential. He'd seen that when she was his first officer. Had mentored some
crew out of "may be off this ship soon" into decent performers.
"I
feel ridiculous asking you this, since it's clear you're head over heels for
her, but what are your intentions toward my friend and possibly surrogate
daughter?"
He
met her eyes. "I'm going to make her happy. I'm going to try not to piss
her off, but it's us and we love arguing so can't promise that. I'm going to be
grateful every goddamn day that she chose my ship to be first officer on so I
got to know her that way, a way that she could actually slip under the walls
I've built." He grinned, the full, crooked grin. "I'm going to
fucking marry her."
"Does
she know that?" Her laugh was gentle and kind of delighted.
"She
does. And she's already said yes. Or rather that she's going to say yes when I
do ask her. Which won't be right away. I don't want anyone saying she got the
ship because she was fucking me."
"I
really like you, Liam Shaw. And were you really getting along with Chakotay or
was that just for my benefit?"
"We
mainly just talked about the dogs—and the dog shows he's apparently showing
them at?"
"He's
really good at it. Has the right touch, looks good in the ring with them. Molly
here is finished but he's still working on Dexter's championship. They aren't
related so when they're both finished, we'll have some pups."
"He
didn't mention that. I wish we could have dogs on the ship. Picard had that cat
for Data."
"And
Archer had his beagle. I know, believe me."
"Well,
when we're done with ships, maybe you can sell us a puppy."
"I'm
not sure you two could afford one."
He
laughed, thinking of Seven's credit balance. "Pretty sure you're
wrong."
"At
any rate, I'd give one to Seven and you."
"Runt
of the litter I bet."
"Oh
of course. Or not the runt but pet quality, not a show dog. I'm generous but
I'm not an idiot."
"No
idiot could have gotten Voyager home, Admiral." He used the title
out of respect.
He
could see by her smile she understood that.
##
Seven
bustled around the kitchen, cleaning up from lunch as Chakotay leaned against
the wall and watched her.
"You've
changed," he finally said.
"Yes,
I'm older."
"I
was speaking of the command presence." He moved closer. "Can I
help?"
"I'd
rather you didn't."
He
sighed. As dramatically as he ever had while they were living together.
"Are we never going to get past this?"
"Past
what?"
"Seven—Annika—"
"I
don't go by that name. Not anymore." Not since Bjayzl.
"My
mistake."
"That
sums up so much about us. Why did you pursue me? If you were never going to
love me? That's what I can't get past."
"Really?"
There was a note in his voice she wasn't used to.
She
put the last dish away and turned to face him.
"Seven,
you've been a first officer. You know how much reach we have. Including
checking into holodeck programs if it appears they are being...abused."
"You
had no right." She knew she was blushing.
"I
had every right. Especially after the Doctor couldn't bring himself to tell me
what program you were running when you collapsed. I thought you'd replicated a
cube, that you wanted to go back to the Borg. And if you wanted that, we were
in danger."
"Oh."
That actually did make sense.
He
moved closer. "I didn't even like you that much. Until I met the me you
clearly did like."
She
swallowed hard and way too visibly.
"Seven,
he had so many nice things to tell me about you. About how sweet you were, how
kind, how talented, how—"
"How fucking innocent."
"He
left that word out. Constrained is how he put it. Blocked." He looked
down. "And you were. The dampener. That you chose to have removed. Why?
Were you missing holographic me? It didn't take you long to be conveniently in
my path on the ship when before you weren't."
He
wasn't wrong. She'd pursued him while trying to look like she wasn't.
"Maybe
I wasn't the only one in love with someone they couldn't have. Only at least my
person existed."
"You're
trying to tell me you never fucked a holographic Kathryn?"
"I'm
not trying. I am telling you that. It wouldn't be her. I knew that." He
paced from the stove to the kitchen. "I was never going to be enough for
you because I could never be him. The me you created."
"I
modeled him on you."
"But
he wasn't me. And I knew it going in. And you knew I loved Kathryn. And I
thought that made it all right. We both loved Icheb.
We were sexually compatible. We had shared experiences."
"If
you'd known how soon we were going to get home...?"
"I'd
have never let it start. What we had, Seven, was a lie. A lie we both tried to
maintain, but not very hard."
"I
tried. I loved you."
"Did
you? Or was I the only thing you thought you had left even though everyone was
still there for you, even if they were in Starfleet and you weren't. You had
other options. Wanting me to stay with you and give up my future was too
much."
"I
wanted you to stay with me and build one."
He
nodded. "I know. But it was never going to happen. I see you with Shaw. I
see how you settle down when he touches you, how he does the same when you
touch him. How often you smile at each other without, I think, realizing it. I
wish you could have met him instead of me, but that's not what happened."
She
realized she was in no danger of crying. What he was saying hurt like hell—but
it was the truth.
"Kathryn
wants all of us to be friends. Can we try? I know you and Kathryn had a good
talk. I could see it in her eyes. And Shaw's a good man. I like him. I'm sure
Kathryn is having fun with him. Are you and I going to be the roadblock that
keeps you away from her? She loves you."
"Do
you?"
"You
know I never wanted you to be on the ship. I was wrong, for the record. But I
wasn't in your corner for a long time. I do love you, Seven, but not like she
does. Not like your parent."
"You're
like the creepy uncle."
His
laugh was full of frustration warring with amusement. "Again, you started
it with that holodeck program. You put yourself on my radar and then in my path
when I tried to avoid you."
"So this is all my fault?"
"It
obviously takes two to tango. But I'm tired of being the sole villain in
this."
She
exhaled slowly. "I want to be in Kathryn's life. And I have Liam. You and
I...we're not friends."
"No.
We're not."
"But
we can play nice. For their sake."
He
nodded.
She
pushed past him when she heard barking, hurried out to the porch and to the
dogs and Kathryn and Liam.
To
where it was warm and safe and she didn't have to feel so fucking alone.
##
Shaw
closed his eyes, drinking in the silence that filled the cabin now that Kathryn
and Chakotay and their gorgeous dogs had left. One more night. One more night
and then they'd be back, where life was so much more confusing.
Except—why
was it so fucking quiet? Where the hell was Seven?
He
saw that the attic door was ajar so he climbed up the stairs and saw Seven
sitting on the bed. She patted it.
"What's
going on?"
"If
I'd had a normal life, gone to school, had friends, I imagine my first time
might have been in a place like this."
He
wasn't sure what to say. It was warmer in the attic than downstairs in the
bedrooms, but still, were the spiders suddenly not a thing? Also, he didn't
like her expression, or how her voice sounded. "Let's go downstairs."
"No.
I don't want Chakotay to have been my first." She practically spit his
name out.
"Then
consider Axum your first."
"I
can't remember sex with him. And it happened in my mind. He never touched my
body." She began to pull off her top. "We've been role-playing shit
this whole time. Why not this? Let's overwrite what was."
She
was almost manic, her tone, her eyes. "Let's not." He turned to go.
"Why
the fuck not?"
He
stopped but didn't turn around. "Because I don't fucking want to."
Her
laugh was cruel and bitter and it cut him all the way to his heart. "Of course you don't. Because you probably had some lovely
time with flowers and music and actual love. And God forbid you replace that
with me."
He
turned to look at her.
"I
really can't blame you. I wouldn't want me either if I'd had something
nice." She started to get up, and he knew she was going to storm past him.
"Sit.
Down." It was the voice he hadn't managed on the bridge when he'd
dismissed her. It was the voice he'd always wished he could use on her but
guilt over how he'd treated her had kept him from doing it. And later the pain
from being betrayed.
But
this time he found that voice, and she sat immediately.
He
took a step away from her. "You want to know about my first time? I was
seventeen. I'd finally grown into my features and shot up in height and girls
were actually noticing me. One of my cousins was having a party because my aunt
and uncle were out of town. It was summer so it was kids from all over. I was
so fucking drunk."
She
seemed to be letting go of her rage. And she didn't interrupt him.
"This
girl noticed me. And she and I were kissing and it was, I think, pretty sloppy.
Because I was new at it and as stated, so fucking drunk." He was back in
his cousin's basement. The music pounding. The booze flowing. The girl pressed
against him.
"She
wanted to go upstairs, so we did. My aunt and uncle's room. And we got naked
and I was so ready for her—I thought." He closed his eyes, remembering how
his dick—which seemed to want to rise at any embarrassing occasion back then—totally
refused to get more then semi hard. "I uh...I tried to fuck her but I
couldn't really get in because I wasn't hard enough. And she was trying to
help, God love her. She was saying super nice things and putting her hand
around me and I wanted to. But..."
He
closed his eyes. "So I climbed off and decided to
go down on her even though I had no idea where the clit even was. And then the
booze really caught up with me and..."
"You
threw up on her?"
"Thank
fuck, no. I did manage to get to the side of the bed and puke all over my aunt
and uncle's floor though." It hadn't been carpeting at least. "I've
never actually seen anyone pull on clothes as fast as she did. And then she was
gone, and I locked the bedroom door and went into the bathroom and spent the
next twenty minutes vomiting and then an hour cleaning up. And then I unlocked
the door, but escaped out their window so I wouldn't have to see her."
She
started to talk but he held up his hand and she waited.
"The
girl was off to this expensive camp on the East Coast and she left the next
day. I didn't have to go to school or to my summer job and find out what
insulting nickname a guy who can't get it up and vomits during sex gets. That
was the best part of my first time."
"It
wasn't just some girl, was it?"
He
shook his head. It'd been Lacey Michaels. And when he met Seven's eyes, he
could tell she knew it.
"Most
people's first time sucks, Sev.
If you thought you were loved, if you felt good, if you felt beautiful and
sexy, then count your blessings. Because it took me a year before I wanted to
try again. And it was with an older girl who was very patient." He moved
to the stairs, climbed down, but stopped while he could still see her.
"You want to play high school someday when you aren't mad as fuck at
Chakotay, I'm in. You can be a cheerleader or student body president or a
fucking mathlete: I'm game. But not tonight." He shook his head as he
swallowed hard and left her up there.
Going
into the bathroom, he stood at the sink, staring into the mirror, feeling the
pain of that boy, the humiliation. How afraid he'd been that this was going to
be his life with sex—a non life, a life of fucking
up.
He
heard Seven coming and then she was behind him, arms wrapped around him, her
head pressed hard into his back.
"I'm
sorry, Liam."
He
turned and pulled her close, burying his face in her hair, letting her perfume
draw him back from that memory.
"Part
of the test..." She held on tighter. "Part of the test was me trying
to make Chakotay love me. Over and over. I thought it was me. I thought if I
acted differently, dressed differently, became something else... He walked out
every time. I am like my parents in some crucial ways. I'm so stubborn and I
don't like to lose. I was...desired on that ship. There were men and women who
would have treasured me. But I had to go after the thing that would hurt me.
Like they went after the Borg, thinking they had control. Thinking they could
actually win."
He
tipped her chin up and kissed her deeply, trying to make up for the pain they'd
both felt. Not just those first times—all their lives.
She
eased away and took his hand gently, drawing him with her to their mattress.
Taking his clothes off and waiting as he took hers off. He searched her eyes
for any trace of a game and saw none. This was just them, just their love.
So as she sank down,
as he followed her, he gave himself over to her, letting go of the boy who'd
cried the whole way home. Hoping she was letting go of the woman who'd no doubt
cried but only once Chakotay was out of the house, never letting him know how
much he'd hurt her. Because that was who they were: survivors.
"I
love you." She traced his face as they lay still, curled together, sated
and soft and warm under the covers.
"I
love you too."
"I'm
sorry. I really am."
"I
thought you two were okay."
"We
were pretending. It's how we'll be from here on out. Unless maybe, with time,
but..."
"You
can pretend. It's okay. Or we don't even need to see them."
"I
want to, though. I want to see her and he's part of the package." She gave
him a quick kiss. "We'll figure it out. And I'll have you."
"Yes,
you will." He shifted and asked, "Do you want some wine?"
"Yes,
please. I can't believe I was willing to brave spiders up there. I really was
out of my mind." She gave him a sheepish smile. "We don't ever have
to play high school—"
"Oh,
I think it sounds fun. Just not tonight."
She
nodded.
He
went out and poured the wine, wondering how he'd missed that things were not
really fine between her and Chakotay.
He
kind of loved that he'd missed it. She'd worn her emotions on her face so often
when she'd first started as his first officer. Now she was learning how to hide
them—the way a captain often had to.
Once
he was settled back against the couch cushion, sipping his wine, she said,
"You were having so much fun with the dogs. I didn't realize you liked
them."
"They
were amazing. I know setters aren't for herding goats, but I want one when we
have our farm."
"I
think if our goats are going to be doing yoga with people, they will be tame
enough they won't need a herder. So you can have a
setter."
"Or
two?"
She
laughed and nodded.
"I'm
going to be sorry to let go of the idea of Berries and Shit Farm."
"Why
let it go?" She snuggled in against him.
"Because
while I know we could retire and have one, I'd want to have it here. And we
can't afford here."
She
pulled his face to her and kissed him gently. "Yes, we can."
"No,
darling, we can't. Not even with your lovely credit line." He sighed.
"And eventually my cousins might sell so we won't even be able to rent
it."
"Tell
them we want right of first refusal."
"Yeah,
right. He knows I don't have the kind of money."
"We'll
send them earnest money. Show them we're serious."
He
sighed.
"Liam"—she
took his face in her hands, her eyes dancing—"do you really think I'd put
even half my money in a credit account that is as easy to hack as Starfleet's
is?" She smiled in a truly delicious way when he began to grin.
"How
much consulting did you do?"
"So
much consulting. So much." She whispered in his ear. "I want this
place. I want it for us. Do you think your cousins would sell it?"
He
reached for his padd and sent a text to his cousin, letting Seven see the
screen. Hey, you ever think of selling this place?
Yeah,
when we found out we couldn't add a house on the property in the back. Note to
self: do your research before you buy. Why? You know someone who wants it?
I
might. I'll get back to you. What are you thinking of listing it at? He turned to her.
"Are we buying it as us or do you also own some mystery corporation?"
She
laughed. "As us."
"Yeah,
that doesn't mean you don't have a mystery corporation."
She
shrugged and looked anything but innocent.
His
padd buzzed with an amount that was way lower than he expected. "They must
make a ton on the rental fees. Pays the mortgage and then some."
"Do
you want this place, Liam?"
He
nodded.
"Ask
him if he'll continue to run the rental, that the buyer you know might not be
up for doing that."
"We
could run the rental."
"Trust
me on this. We want them to."
"Okay."
He keyed in the question. The reply was back immediately. "They'd want ten
percent of any rental for dealing with all the bullshit."
"We'll
counter with five. Settle on seven. But not right now. Tell him goodbye."
He
did and put his padd down as she got up, grabbed some towels from the bathroom,
pulled him up and led him down the stairs and out to the yard. "Uhhhh?"
"It's
our last night. We're going swimming."
"Should
we trademark our farm name?"
"Fine.
And quit stalling." They walked to the edge of the water, gingerly made
their way along the small pebbles then crouched and gently floated out over the
more hazardous rocks and barnacles.
"It's
colder than it was the first time." But he set out at a nice steady crawl,
could hear her next to him, not competing for first and he remembered that
swimming wasn't as natural for her as it was for him since she'd learned as an
adult. But she held her own.
As
always.
As
they dog paddled in a warm spot they'd found, he asked, "Is the name a
good name?"
"Berries
and Shit and Goat Yoga? Who wouldn't want to visit that farm?" She headed
back into shore and he could hear the eye roll in her voice.
"I'd
stop there. Just to see what the fuck they sell."
"Well
clearly they sell Berries and Shit and Goat Yoga."
"Yeah but is the shit from the goats, or is it the more
generic 'other stuff' definition?"
She
was already out of the water. "These are not the questions you want
tourists asking."
He
floated in carefully and stood, taking the towel she held up, then hurrying
after her into the cabin. "I think it'll set us apart."
"It
will definitely do that."
He
started to grin. "I am, eventually, going to fuck you in the attic someday
in the future."
"Says
the man who just lost his one chance to fuck me up there."
"Oh,
I'll have other chances."
"Only
if you get rid of the spiders." She pulled him to her and began to towel
him off.
"On
the ship, when you were off duty, you had about five outfits."
"Yes."
She clearly did not understand his conversational u-turn.
"And
you never went on vacation during shore leave—or if you did, you were lying to
me when you said you had no plans."
"I
wasn't lying."
"So you don't spend any of your money?"
"I
didn't know I was going to end up in Starfleet this late in life. I was making
sure that I had the resources to retire, then after Icheb
died, using some of it to bribe people to try to find Bjayzl.
I also would give anonymously to the rangers when things got really bad."
"I
love that."
"I
have simple needs, Liam."
"I
love that too."
"You,
on the other hand, will no doubt want to start a comic book collection."
"Well our slave labor aka children are going to need some
diversions." He studied her. "I'm only kind of kidding about the
kids."
"I'm
only kind of kidding about the comic books. But still a big fat no to
spiders."
11.
Seven
found herself fidgeting in the big chair and she knew Raffi was looking at her.
"Sorry," she murmured and resolved to sit still.
She
felt as if her body was here, on her ship, but her mind was somewhere between spacedock and the cabin.
The
lift opened and she looked up from her padd. Liam and the Doctor walked out and
she knew her grin was very wide as she said, "Commodore on the
bridge."
Everyone
rose, but instead of the steely faces of nervous officers, there were huge
smiles.
"Well,
hey, gang." His grin was as big as hers was. "Long time no see. Oh and as you were."
She
could tell LaForge was barely stopping herself from launching at him, a huge
hug no doubt in the works, but then she seemed to remember she was a lieutenant
now, and composed herself and sat.
Seven
glanced at Raffi who by her smile had clearly seen it too. "Good
girl," Raffi murmured so low only Seven could hear her and she nodded
almost imperceptibly.
"And
this is the Doctor. After we talk to your glorious captain and first officer
about all the processes and regulations and other shit we're going to be taking
apart and hopefully putting together better, he will be coming around to your
stations to familiarize himself with you and your duties, your likes, your
dislikes, your childhood trauma..."
"Not
the last one," the Doctor said, rolling his eyes at Liam, but in the way a
good comedy team did. "Unless you feel it's relevant to the other
things."
Everyone
laughed.
Liam
looked over at her, a question in his eyes. They'd talked about this moment and
she'd told Raffi it might happen. She'd wanted to take the temperature of the
bridge before she did it though.
It
was a big statement. And one she couldn't take back. But what if Kathryn had
done this with Chakotay? Just once? Would letting him in really have turned off
her obsession with getting home, because Seven didn't
think so. And it would have been good for the crew, to see them united, not
having to play "Will they, won't they?" all the time.
She
nodded at Liam, the way she used to during a mission, and he turned to the
Doctor. "Doc, any regulation that says I can't kiss the captain of the
ship I'm residing on but have no jurisdiction over?"
The
Doctor had not been read in. Mostly because she and Liam had both thought he'd
be more effective at his most acerbic. "While on duty?"
"Hell,
yeah."
"I
can think of several."
"Well"—he strode over to Seven and everyone on the
bridge turned to watch—"fuck that." His grin was wicked, and she
laughed as he pulled her to him.
It
wasn't a chaste peck. It wasn't an embarrassing display. But she did put her
arms around his neck and just enjoy finally being with him again.
The
bridge crew actually applauded. She heard Raffi mutter, "Oh, for fuck's
sake."
But
she didn't care. It had been a few hours since she and Liam had breakfast but
it felt like an eternity after spending all their time together. She knew
they'd grow used to it, but for now, it just felt good to be touching him.
Then
she pulled away and said, "Don't you deadbeats have a briefing to give
me?"
"Well,
I wouldn't call it a briefing."
"I
did. When I scheduled the meeting. 'Commodore Shaw,' I said, 'Please be
prepared to brief us.'"
"No,
you said get you up to speed. The project hasn't started. The speed is sub
impulse. I don't need slides for that."
"Slides
are always nice." She was having a hard time keeping her face straight.
But she thought the bridge crew had missed this: their epic arguments often
over pretty much nothing.
"Do
I get a voice in this?" The Doctor asked.
"No,"
she and Liam said together.
"This
is how it's going to be? This kind of nonsense?" Raffi sounded so
unimpressed. Then she looked around the bridge. "Oh my God, you all love
it?"
The
crew nodded as one.
Them Esmar said,
"Except that one time when we were running from Vadic,
when he was really mad at her and told her she was dismissed, which he does all
the time but never means it and she never goes, but that time, he meant it, and
none of us were sure if she would really leave and there was so much tension
and it was already scary and..." They took a deep breath. "Yeah, that
time."
"Yeah,
that time sucked," Liam said, his eyes gentle as he smiled at them, then
turned to Seven. "Let's not do that again."
"Well,
come with slides and we'll see." She headed off to her ready room—she was
not going to call it fucking Observation—and hoped the rest were following her.
Was that what being a captain was? Walking off and praying you weren't doing it
alone?
She'd
sort of mastered that on Voyager so this should be a snap. Especially
when she trusted the three following her with all her heart.
##
Shaw
was in the quarters he was using as an office when his chime rang.
"Come."
Raffi
walked in followed by a young Romulan who had to be Elnor.
Shaw could tell she was taking in the room, how it was set for business, his
desk and a guest chair, a data table with chairs like the one in Observation,
no personal items other than a few knives on the wall and some scenic photos
he'd taken while they were at the cabin. He knew to some part of her it had to
be a blow to realize he'd moved in directly to Seven's quarters. But she hid it
well and he nodded as gently as he could to her.
"I'd
like to introduce Ensign Elnor. The first Romulan to
graduate from the Academy."
"And
your son. Much to be proud of. Welcome aboard, Ensign. Although it only counts
when the captain welcomes you." He winked.
"Hello,
Commodore," Elnor said, his voice soothing.
"I
hear you're going to allow me to be one of your mentors." He loved to put
it that way, to make it clear the junior officers had some say in this.
"Sir,
it's a privilege. Seven—the captain, I mean—is a tough grader when it comes to
character."
"That
she is. Unless it's Picard."
Raffi
glared at him but he saw what he was looking for in Elnor.
The look in his eyes that said he hadn't seen the man lately who should also be
mentoring him instead of using him and abandoning him.
Repeatedly.
"Not
that I don't understand the magnetism of the guy." He made sure his smile
was not mocking. "I felt it firsthand. Gave my damn life for him."
"As
did I. Only it was really more that I was standing in the wrong place when
Seven's husband beamed in and fired."
"Could
we not call him that?" Shaw said and Raffi muttered, "Amen."
"Did
he have a name, though?"
Raffi
shrugged. "The magistrate, I guess."
"That
is a title, not a name. There may be multiple magistrates."
"We
only met one in that universe."
"Still."
"Elnor, absolute candor has its place. Now is not it."
"On
the contrary, Raffi. I'm known for speaking my mind. I like that he's already
there. And God knows Jack is—although candor implies honesty so that may not
apply to him."
Elnor looked down. "I have not yet met
Picard's son. I imagine he is spending time with his father." The hurt was
so clear.
"And
you would be wrong on that, mate." Jack stood at the door and his voice
was the same cocky tone but Shaw could hear the hurt in it too.
"Permission to approach, Commodore Shaw?"
"Jesus,
I'm not a judge, Crusher. And you're part of this
shindig too so get over here. Let me see if Starfleet has made you any less of
a reprobate." He grinned at him. "You two haven't met?"
They
both shook their heads.
"Jack
Crusher, ensign, meet Elnor, ensign. You are both my
mentees. Also Matthew Mura's but he's on leave right
now. When you meet him, you'll quickly realize he has all the heart and I have
all the sarcasm and knowledge of regs. So between us,
we'll have you covered."
Elnor nodded, but Jack turned to him.
"He's selling himself short. He's a goddamned marvel with the engines,
he's not afraid to say whatever the hell is on his mind, and he pretends to be
a wanker but he cares about his people." He met Shaw's eyes. "All his
people. Not just his chosen group. We're in good hands, mate."
"I
believe you. Your passion for him is encouraging."
"Oh,
we're going to hate his guts some days."
Elnor glanced at Shaw who nodded knowingly. "Oh."
"But
I have ways around that." Jack winked.
"Fuck
up my son's ethics, Crusher, and you'll answer to me." Raffi sounded
beyond serious.
Jack
actually looked cowed.
"I
think I've got it under control now, Raff." He winked at her, using the
nickname Seven used and hoping she didn't deck it for him.
"You'll
answer to me as well, Shaw," she said through gritted teeth as she left
them alone.
He
swallowed way too visibly. Damn the woman for being so terrifying when she
wanted to be.
On
the other hand, she hadn't told him not to call her "Raff" so maybe
it was a win.
##
When
shift was finally over, and Seven was finally in the
same room with Liam, they went almost automatically into each other's arms,
sinking onto the bed, kissing for a very long time.
"The
day was so long," she whispered as she lay in his arms, not even trying to
get his clothing off, just wanting this: proximity.
And
kisses.
"So fucking long." He sighed as if letting go of the
day. She'd never been with him immediately after shift—or not like this, where
he was truly decompressing. "But I love being with you in here."
She
nodded.
"You
didn't tell Raffi I was moving into your quarters?"
"No,
I did."
"She
looked surprised when she brought Elnor down."
"Well,"
she said with a laugh, "you brought everything here."
"Yeah."
"Most
people would keep a few things in their real room just in case we had a fight
and you wanted to storm out."
"Why
would I want to storm out on you? I prefer hashing things out in the same
room."
"She
and I both stormed out a lot. It was very dramatic."
"Drama's
overrated."
"Since
she and I aren't together, you may be right." She nuzzled against him.
"Show
me the Tahitian pearls? Before we go to Ten-Forward?"
"Fine,
but you have to go in the bathroom. No peeking."
He
did as she said, and she made sure the door was on do not disturb except for
emergencies, took off her clothes and put on all the pearls, and told Liam he
could come out of the bathroom.
He
was laughing as he did, out of uniform and in his robe, but then he stopped,
his mouth open.
She
knew the blue-gray pearls enhanced her eyes. "You asked me if I spend my
money. I do on these."
"Good
fucking call." He walked over slowly, indicating she should turn around so
he could see the back.
She
looked over her shoulder and smiled as wickedly as she could. "The one
down the back..."
"Is
my fucking favorite. At the moment."
He
touched it, running his fingers over it, and she knew what he was feeling. The
long chain was gold with round-ish perfectly matched
teal pearls every other link. It dipped down and a drop that was much bigger
kept it from shifting.
"Turn,"
he murmured after rubbing her skin under the necklace, then moving down her
body. As he'd stipulated, she was wearing nothing but the pearls.
She
turned slowly, letting him take in the earrings, the bracelets and rings—she
normally didn't wear them all at once but she thought he'd appreciate it. He
fingered the choker that was nothing but pearls, and then the longer strand
that ended with a teardrop right between her breasts.
"No
anklets?"
"I
don't like the feel of them around my ankle."
"Good
to know." He was kissing down her chest. "I know what you're missing
though for real."
"A
tiara?" She laughed because the last place she'd visited for pearls had
tried to sell her one.
"A
bit fancy for our needs." He grinned. "But yeah, something for your
hair. A comb or a clip."
He
backed away and just stared. "My God, you're beautiful."
"I
have something else." She swallowed the way she did when she was
embarrassed.
"Did
you buy me something?"
She
nodded. "A long time ago. I have no idea why. Other than it matched your
eyes." She walked to the jewelry box and found the earring. "It's
clip so you don't need a piercing.
It
was like the ones she was wearing, a small gold hoop with an oval pearl hanging
off it. But this one was smaller and in white gold, with a silver green pearl.
"And it self-adjusts so it won't pinch. I hate it when they pinch."
"When
did you get this?"
"When
we were at spacedock, just before Picard and Riker
came aboard. I was going to give it to you as a goodbye gift...I think...once
Frontier Day was over. And then...everything went to hell and I wasn't even
thinking about it." She looked down. "I know it's stupid and if you
don't like it, I totally underst—"
He
pulled her to him and kissed her, slowly and deeply, his hands moving all over
her, tugging gently occasionally on the jewelry in a way she found very
arousing.
"Put
it on me."
'Which
ear?"
"Am
I taken?"
She
nodded.
"Then
put it on the side my heart's on."
"Awww. Only the heart is technically in the middle."
"There
must be a reason we think it's on the left, though."
"We
don't. You do."
He
took a deep, long-suffering breath.
"Fine,
it does take up more real estate left of center."
"Then
put it on that side."
So she did, and it
went beautifully with his eyes. "You look like a pirate. My pirate."
"And
you are my pearl-laden wench."
She
raised an eyebrow. "Wench?"
"Well,
pearl-laden at any rate." He drew her to the mirror. "I love
this."
"You
don't have to if—"
Again he shut her up by
kissing her, by hiking her up onto the desk, by letting his robe fall to the
floor and pulling her close and entering her. "I love it. Thank you."
He
was using his fingers on her as well as thrusting and she'd been thinking about
this all day. She lasted no time and then he was following her, pulling her
close when they were done, as he leaned on her.
"I've
missed you so much today it's insane, Liam."
"I
know. Same for me." Then he eased back. "Oh, Joey was pleased with
the offer. And I countered with five percent on the management of our rental
site and he countered at eight. So I sent back seven
and he accepted."
"So the house is...?"
"Ours
is the word you're looking for." His grin was the most beautiful she'd
ever seen. "It's ours. Well, technically it's yours, but..."
"Both
of us are going on the contract."
"Is
that smart for you?"
She
knew her smile was her most obnoxious one. "You mean if we don't last and
I want to kick your sorry ass to the curb?"
"I
don't think I would have put it quite like that."
She
laughed. "I have a very, very good lawyer who will get you off the
contract if that's what I want."
"Of course you do."
"But
I don't, at the moment, envision that happening."
"I
should hope not." He pulled her back to him and kissed her. "So Ten Forward?"
"Yes but with less pearls and more clothes."
"I'm
wearing mine."
She
couldn't hide her pleased smile.
Once
they were suitably dressed in casual clothes and she'd taken off all but the
long pearl necklace, they headed to Ten-Forward.
Raffi
was at the bar with the Doctor. She took one look at Liam and her mouth fell a
little bit open.
"Let
me introduce you around, Doc," Liam said, not seeming to notice Raffi's
look, and the Doctor went off with him, a huge smile on his face.
"You're
drooling," Seven said, laughing at Raffi's expression.
"It's
the earring. I love a man in an earring."
"Yeah,
me too."
"He
and the Doctor genuinely like each other."
"I
was surprised to see the Doctor back. I thought he was headed to Sweden on
vacation."
Raffi
actually blushed.
"Raffaela Musiker..."
"The
twins may have decided to visit San Francisco. To see both of us."
"Because
you were in charge and couldn't go to them?"
"Seven,
as a scientist, I would expect you to understand that correlation doesn't equal
causation."
Seven
just laughed.
"Although
this time it does."
Seven
let her eyebrow go way, way up. "So is one twin
with you and one with him? And then they switch?"
Raffi
didn't answer. But her flush deepened.
"All
of you together?"
So
fucking red.
She
leaned in. "How is he? I assume the rectangle goes in all
directions?"
"He's
not my type." But she had the look she got when someone was very much her
type—in bed at any rate.
"Sure he's not."
"No,
really. There's nothing going on."
"When
Swedish twins aren't involved."
"Right,
except then." She laughed softly. "And, uh, good. He's good. Sorry
you passed on him?"
The
light was glinting off the pearl on Liam's ear and he was laughing as he
introduced the Doctor around. "Not in the least."
##
Shaw
found Jack in the classroom he remembered from his OCS days. Jack smiled when
he saw him. "Hands-on mentoring, Commodore."
"You
can call me Liam since I'm your mentor."
"Did
you tell that to Elnor?"
"Yep."
"Did
he do it?"
Shaw
sighed. He was not going to talk about one of his mentees to another.
"Yeah,
I didn't think so. He's...stiff. And Raffi seems intent on keeping him that
way."
"You
have my permission to loosen him up some. Just nothing criminal."
"Moi?"
Jack turned off before they got to the cafeteria. "The food truck today is
tacos."
The
food truck was in fact a food flitter but the name held from centuries ago.
"I'm game. And it's on me. Although you probably have a wad of latinum
stashed somewhere."
"I
probably do. But still, I'd love it if you buy because I've stuck to the
student card and it's almost out."
"Ah,
I remember those days well. The end of month ramen days."
"Yeah.
I detest the stuff so usually I just meet my mother for dinner. She always
pays."
"Or
you could drop in on your father."
Jack's
face did something Shaw couldn't read so he left it alone until they had their
food and were sitting.
"What's
going on with your father?"
"He
and my mother aren't together. He chose Laris."
His face changed again. "Actually, Mum backed away. Because..." He
shook his head and dug into his food.
"Because
why?" Normally he wouldn't pry but who the fuck else did Jack have to talk
to. Well, maybe Sidney. And Seven, but he didn't think
she'd had time to talk to him much.
"Because
she wanted me to have a close relationship with him now that we're back, now
that we aren't hiding. And..." He just shook his head. "When he's in
town, I see him. Sometimes. But..."
"But
dropping by the Chateau is a bridge too far?"
He
nodded.
"Listen,
I want to go out there. You can come with me and Seven."
"Why
do you want to go there? Do you like the wine?"
Did
he want to insult Jack's father's wine?
"Mate,
if you say you like that swill, I will ask for a new mentor."
Shaw
laughed. "Detest it. He brought me a bottle when he started his 'Shanghai
the ship' mission."
"Unreal.
He thinks it's good."
"Either
he's in denial or his palate is for shit."
"Agreed.
Not sure which. Why do you want to go if it's not the wine?"
Shaw
took his time biting into his taco, trying to decide how honest he wanted to be
with Jack. "I said some harsh things in Ten-Forward to your father."
"They
were true things, though." He seemed suddenly incapable of meeting Shaw's
eyes. "I've been waiting for you to let me have it. The truth. What I did,
running off to the queen with your shuttle, starting it all. The hellspawn at the center of fucking doomsday."
"Hey.
Look at me." When Jack didn't, he made his voice the one of command, the
one that had worked on everyone but Seven—until the
other day in the attic. "That was a fucking order, Ensign."
He
looked up. There were tears in his eyes as Shaw had thought there might be.
"You
didn't have any more choice than your father. Maybe less. It was in your genes,
Jack. I'm not going to give you shit. I'm just going to say that you made a
choice at the end, and you chose to save people."
"She
told me I was saving people. The message I was sending—that turned them? It was
all the things I wanted to hear when I was on the run. She told me we'd live in
a universe without fear, a universe without loss, unbroken, perfect. Free of
disease. We saw so much when we were on the run. I just wanted to fix it—all of
it."
He
wiped his eyes with a napkin. "I thought I was good. But I destroyed so
much. So many people... The Excelsior. Elnor
was on that ship. He casually let that drop when we left the meeting with you.
Like a no trespassing sign. I doubt we're going to be best mates."
"I'm
sorry. But when he gets to know you..."
Jack
made a face.
"Jack,
if I can forgive, then he can too. And he's known for speaking his mind. Are
you sure he wasn't just giving you the lay of the land? That he lost people. If
he was going to play nice when at work but otherwise wanted nothing to do with
you, I think he'd have just said it. Absolute candor and all."
"Oh,
I'd forgotten that part. Maybe." He took a sip of his water. "I'd
like to think that maybe we could be friends. He loves my father but never sees
him either."
"So
maybe you should both go with me. We'll take Raffi. It'll be a whole contingent
of people who helped him and never see him."
"But
why do you want to go?"
"To
let him know I forgive him."
"Why?
You died for him. Scales are even, Liam."
"I'm
not doing it for him."
"Scales
are still even." He studied him. "But if you want to go, I'll get in
touch with him." He pulled out his padd and sent a text.
They
were through their first round of tacos and on to seconds when his padd beeped
back. He looked at the message and his face crumpled but in a way that probably
only would be detected by someone used to reading pain.
"What?
Is he all right?"
"He's
on Risa for the next few weeks. With his blushing bride." He met Shaw's
eyes. "He didn't even tell me that they got married."
"Maybe
because of your mom and how she and he seemed to have a lot of unfinished
business."
He
leaned in, fury in his eyes. "He didn't fucking tell me. And my mother's
free of baggage now. She's dating an admiral from security. I went to dinner
with them, and he was really nice to me, made me feel welcome. Well, I guess I
have a stepmother now. At least she's not evil. I think."
Shaw
wasn't sure what to say.
"You
know, my mother said something weird at dinner. I think she knew. But she
didn't tell me and he didn't tell me and after everything, I'm still just a
child to them."
"I'm
sorry. For whatever it's worth, you're not a child to me or to Seven."
"That's
because she and I had the same goddamned childhood."
"Okay,
but you and I didn't. So take the win." He began
to clean up their dishes. "Do you want me to buy you some ice cream? It'll
make you feel better."
"Oh,
right, I'm an adult to you. Sure I am."
"I'm
an adult. Ice cream makes me feel better. Ergo..." He stood and threw the
items into the recycling bin. "But if you're too good to have ice cream,
then fuck you." And he walked off.
Jack
caught up quickly, just like he thought he would. "Don't go see my father.
It won't matter to him."
His
padd beeped again. "Oh, now that he's realized he ran off without a word
to anyone, he wants to have a big party at the Chateau when they get back. I'm
supposed to tell all of you. Can he not even send out his own
invitations?"
"Maybe
he's afraid we won't come if he does."
"I
think he's just bloody lazy. But yeah, Pollyanna, you go with that. And tell me
how great your apology goes."
"I'm
not apologizing. I'm forgiving him."
"I
doubt he'll see the distinction."
"Well,
it's clear you don't." He led him into the ice cream shop inside Command.
"Now pick out a cone before I reconsider."
He
picked out a triple cone. Brat.
Although
once his back was turned, Shaw allowed himself to laugh. He liked the spirit.
It was what had kept this poor kid alive and not psychotic all those years.
##
Seven
walked into Chakotay's outer office and his executive assistant said,
"Please sit down. He'll be right with you."
He'd
probably told her to say that. A power play and one she might have done if
she'd had an outer office and an EA. Although Jack was sort of that, only
better. She had a special counselor.
Never
mind that Kathryn had taken one look at the request and burst out laughing.
"What in hell is a 'Special Counselor to the Captain'? Neelix,
essentially?"
"No,
Jack won't be cooking for us."
"Well,
he might be. If you need an emergency helm and the chef's available and then
you have to backfill." Her laughter had been contagious. It had been the
lightest moment she and Seven had before she came to
the cabin.
The
cabin that was hers and Liam's now. The thought made her smile—every single
time.
Chakotay's
door opened and two lieutenants walked out. They look subdued and he stood with
his hands on his hips as he watched them leave.
So it hadn't been a
power play. She'd seen that stance. It meant he'd had to be a disciplinarian.
Then
he turned to her and grinned but in a restrained way. "Kids today."
"Indeed."
"Come
in." He turned to the EA. "Am I still clear for the afternoon, Grisca?"
"You
are, sir." She clearly adored him, but in sort of a motherly way.
Seven
had learned to tell the difference. The Seven of Voyager might not have
been able to.
"Captain
Seven," he gestured toward his office. There was no mockery in his voice
so she thought he was just using her title in a nice way. As he closed the door
to his office, he said, "I wasn't sure how long this would take, or how I
would feel after, hence the blocking off an entire afternoon for you."
Before she could answer, he sat down at his conference table and said, "I
didn't feel great going home from your place."
She
sat across from him. "I've been thinking a lot about that. The idea that
you had to see that holoprogram. And that it was what
made you receptive. I'm really sorry. The program wasn't just you."
His
eyebrows rose precipitously.
She
laughed. "No, you were the only romantic interest. But I was using it for
other social encounters. Trying to get better at them. To become more
comfortable."
"Why
in there though? Why not just come to the events? You rarely did."
"It
was easier when I could control things—people, I guess. I mean Harry wanted me,
B'Elanna and I had a fraught relationship, and you
hated me."
"I
had good reason."
"And
that was?"
"Seven,
I thought Kathryn had fallen in love with you. All those reasons she gave me
for why we couldn't be together and it felt as if she was going to throw them
all away for you."
"Oh.
I never realized." But of course she wouldn't
have. "I don't think she was."
"No,
I know that now. I didn't then. I resented the hell out of you. So imagine my surprise when it was me you were with in your hologram."
"To
be fair, my wanting you wouldn't necessarily mean she didn't want me."
He
laughed. "True. You accused me of having sex with a holographic Kathryn.
Does that mean you did with a holographic Liam?"
"No.
He made it so no one could use the crew except in training scenarios."
He
nodded. "That's how Kathryn used to have hers set."
"Used
to?"
"I
asked her to change it. When my maquis were integrating, I thought they'd need
to be able to..." He looked sheepish.
"Beat
the shit out of their Starfleet crewmates without actually doing it?"
He
nodded. "So it's my fault you could even create
your perfect Chakotay. I imagine you spent the bulk of our relationship trying
to recapture what you had with him."
"You
imagine wrong."
He
looked confused.
"Chakotay,
until the fight I had with the holo version of you,
my emotional dampener was never close to activating. I felt...little."
"Why
were you fighting with him?"
She
started to laugh. "If you make one crack, I will deck you and happily take
the court martial."
"Okayyy."
"I
was... It was time to end the program because my performance was suffering and
I was skipping regenerations. But I didn't want to just say 'end program' or
'delete Chakotay.' I..." She sighed.
"You
were trying to let him down easily?"
"Yes."
He
leaned in, clearly trying very hard not to laugh. "Why?"
"Fuck
you. Who did you all give me as my main support while I was
reintegrating?"
"The
Doctor. Who is a hologram. Who you respected and who was sentient."
"Obviously
I knew there was a vast difference between the ones in the holodeck and him,
but I made mine quite realistic."
"You
were being kind."
"I
was. He didn't take it well."
"Well,
no. I wouldn't." His grin was like the old times, when there wasn't anger
and bitterness between them. "So you two
never...?"
"No.
We talked a lot. Ate. Fell asleep together but by accident."
"So I really was your first?"
She
nodded.
"If
I—"
"No.
That's what I wanted to talk about. I have been angry for so long at you.
Because you loved her more. But you loved her first. And that matters. Also,
it's come to my attention that not everyone's first time is nice."
"Mine
wasn't great."
"Mine
was. And that's because of you. Despite everything that came later, the night
you first made love to me was wonderful. I don't know if it was for you. I hope
you felt something but even if you didn't, you made it good for me. And I just
want to say thank you."
"You
made it easy to be good to you. I did feel things for you."
"I
understand. I have someone who I've hurt. Who has to watch me with Liam."
"That
must sting because you two seem very solid."
"I
don't understand why. But we are. And I love him. And we have plans for the
future. Fun plans."
His
smile was very sweet. "I'm glad. I really like him. And so do the dogs.
And I tend to trust their opinion more than humans."
"He's
a really good man. And we work together well. We both have damage. And our
various damage plays nicely together."
"I
understand that."
"I
don't want things to be strained between us, Chakotay. I've missed my Voyager
family."
"Kathryn
and the Doctor most of all, I imagine. Although from what I understand, the
Doctor will be on your ship."
She
nodded.
"I
don't want things to be strained either, Seven." He reached out and she
clasped his hand. "And I'm so sorry about Icheb.
He was a fine officer and an even finer man. We'd grab a meal when we were
anywhere close."
"Really?
He never told me that."
"Well,
given how we ended...? He wasn't stupid."
"True."
With a smile, she stood. "I'm going to let you have a free afternoon. I
imagine that's a luxury."
"It
is. Might get caught up on some stuff."
As
she turned to leave, he said, "I'd love to get the name of the rental
agent for that cabin. Seems like a nice place to stay."
She
turned and gave him the silliest grin.
"What?"
She
pointed at herself.
"Wait.
Really?"
"We
bought it."
"Wow."
"I
know. Although, technically we do have a rental manager and I will give you his
name because it is a nice place to stay."
He
seemed truly happy for her. "You should have an open house before it gets
much colder. People could drop by during the day."
"You
think they would? Come all the way up there?"
"It's
not that far. And you're family."
"I'll
talk to Liam about it."
"Is
that property part of your future plans?"
She
shrugged and he laughed.
"You
aren't the same person, Seven. I know you went through hell. But I like who
you've become."
"Thank
you." She turned for the door but then hurried over to him and he stood,
and they hugged, very tightly, and she knew she was crying but this had been
dragging behind her for so long, this pain, this emptiness, this anger.
She
could finally cut it free. Just be this man's friend.
"I'm
so sorry," he whispered and she realized he was crying too.
"It's
okay. We're okay. We're friends. Or we will be. The past is past."
He
eased away. "Very wise."
"I
had to learn something from all that mystical shit you tried to teach me."
He
laughed hard. "Only you didn't call it that then."
"Yeah,
well, be a ranger and then serve with Liam Shaw. Your language devolves."
He
laughed again. "I will hopefully see you soon at a house warming."
"I
think you probably will."
12.
Shaw
couldn't believe how many people—friends of his and of Seven as well as the
crew—were making it up to the cabin. Fortunately
they'd ordered catering, figuring the cabin's replicator was not up to the task
of handling a party.
He
had plans to upgrade it, but they were going to wait until winter was over and
assess the whole place. He had ideas and Seven was
very indulgent in letting him plan how to improve heat distribution to the
bedrooms so it could be a house for all seasons.
"Look
who we found, Liam." His mom's voice and he turned and saw that she and
his dad had their arms around Seven. "Not like he didn't talk about you
all the time, my dear," she said to Seven.
"Ma,
no I didn't."
"Yeah you did, son." His father winked at him. "We
knew you were gone for her long before you did."
"I'm
glad you didn't tell him," Seven said with a grin. "The shock might
have done him in."
"Would
for sure have done me in. Me? In love with Hansen?" He winked at her.
"Utterly, desperately, foolishly in love with my pain in the ass
exec?"
"Sucks
to be you," Seven said, making his parents laugh. "Let me show you
the rest of the place."
He
watched them walk off, his parents grinning the way they did when they liked
someone. It made his heart happy.
As
they went around the corner, Kathryn came into the kitchen with dishes for the
refresher. "What a day, Liam."
"I
think as CINC, you are exempt from busperson
duties."
She
laughed. "I'm just enjoying seeing you both so happy. It's all I've ever
wanted for her. To have a family. And now she has a huge one." She nodded
with her chin out to where Elnor and Jack were
sitting with Sidney and a young woman Shaw didn't recognize—he'd have to remedy
that. "You're mentoring both of them?"
"Pray
for me." He grinned at her throaty laugh. "Although, Mura is
co-mentor."
"I
don't know him. Should I?"
"For
sure. He'll make captain some day. And be a great
one." He poured himself another glass of Malbec and indicated a glass.
"You want some?"
She
nodded.
Suddenly
Raffi's granddaughter burst in and said, "Bafroom!"
Raffi
hurried after her. "I've got it." She scooped her up and rushed
around the corner.
"You
might want to add a bathroom to this place."
He
smiled. "We have all kinds of plans."
"I'm
sure you do." She held out her glass. "To my hero. For bringing Seven
back to us."
"She
would have found her way on her own."
"We
don't know that."
"I
do. But I'll drink to the aftermath. She and I together. That part you may get
some credit for."
She
grinned. "I should hope so."
##
Seven
held Liam's hand as they cut the line at the transporter—she didn't hate that
he had that privilege—then told the tech to send them to Santa Fe.
"What's
there?" Liam was grinning the way he always did when she surprised him.
"I
want to test an idea of ours out. Find out for sure that it's sound."
He
frowned. "In New Mexico?"
"Yes."
They
got off the transporter and she hailed a flitter to take them the little ways
out of town.
As
he climbed out and took in the "Goat Experience" sign, he started to
laugh. "For real?"
"What
if we don't like goats? Here we are planning them into our future without even
knowing."
"Good
fucking point."
"There's
going to be lots of kids here. So watch the
swearing." She gave him the stern look that seemed to cow him.
He
crossed his heart with his finger and they went through the gate, then another
gate that no doubt provided extra security to prevent goat escapes.
And
goats there were. Everywhere they went, there were families overrun with goats,
laughing uncontrollably as the goats nibbled on them.
Liam
was gone, off to a group of goats with no people near them and she laughed and
let him go. He nearly dove to the ground and then was mobbed with adorableness.
His
laughter was like nothing she'd heard from him, his grin so easy and innocent.
She looked around, and saw the same smile on other adult faces. She'd expected
the kids to love it, but could they give this kind of happiness to grown ups too? Let them forget their troubles for a little
while.
"Seven,
come over here." She walked to him, sure she'd be stepping in poop but
there were little robot cleaners flitting around and picking it up as soon as
it hit the ground.
He
pulled her down next to him and she waited for the inevitable encounter with a
goat, expecting to feel nothing. Until the first one came and crawled into her
lap and looked up at her.
"Oh,
my God, this thing is so stinking cute."
"Right?"
"They
have goat yoga too. We can experience that." She'd had him dress in comfy
clothes that he could easily move in just for the yoga.
"You
are the best girlfriend ever. Don't let anyone tell you different." He
kissed her and then fell back as the more rambunctious goats mobbed him again.
Hers had fallen asleep.
Another
one came over and settled down next to her. They were entirely calming and she
closed her eyes and just breathed in the smell of goats and some kind of
resinous wood being burned in a fire pit and the hay and sawdust bedding.
"What
kind of wood is that?" he asked, clearly on the same page.
"I
don't know. But I want some for the cabin."
"Same."
Eventually
the call for the goat yoga class sounded over a loudspeaker and they
reluctantly left the goats to greet other visitors and went to a barn where
mats were set out.
She
laughed through the whole session—Chakotay had tried to teach her his version
of yoga but she'd never enjoyed it—and the instructor spent some time talking
about how these goats were all rescues, not babies bred for the industry and
then used for other purposes once they'd aged out of maximal cuteness. Other
purposes being clearly a euphemism for slaughter or mass dairy.
She
felt for those goats—how almost drone like they must be. She and Liam would
make sure they didn't take that many in—that they always had enough time and
energy for them.
In
another barn they saw the dairy operation, which was small and peaceful and
there were a few babies who wandered here and there among the visitors.
"For
the record," Liam said as he pulled her into a sweet kiss. "I love
goats."
"Me
too."
"This
was a great idea. And a great surprise. Thank you." He touched her face
gently. "I was thinking we should shadow some berry growers at their farm
and a market before we ship out. Get an idea how hard it is before we cement it
into our plans."
"Good
idea. Because Berries and Shit farm would be a sad name if we had no
berries."
He
laughed. "Yes. Yes, it would. Also what happened
to not swearing?"
"It's
the name."
"But
still. Impressionable ears and all that."
"Fuck
you, Liam," she whispered into his ear, laughing.
"I
love it when you talk dirty." He took her hand. "You ever explored
Santa Fe?"
She
shook her head.
"There's
this amazing church with a staircase that's an engineering marvel. I want to
see it."
"The
one that Jesus supposedly built?"
"Do
not get that tone. I can combine my love of engineering with a little
spirituality now and then. And it was Saint Joseph, not Jesus."
She
rolled her eyes. She'd had to put up with so much spirituality with Chakotay.
Liam hardly ever dove into that pool. The least she could do was support him
when he did.
The
church was beautiful, the staircase a marvel of engineering that she truly
delighted in exploring with him, and then they wandered and ate and just
enjoyed each other.
It
was the best kind of day.
##
Shaw
had to admit Chateau Picard was breathtakingly beautiful. Too bad the wine
didn't live up to the setting.
He
realized that his chances of catching Picard alone were not good. Why had he
thought they would be?
But
that was okay. He didn't need to have a long, drawn-out talk with him. He just
needed a minute.
"Here,"
someone pushed a glass of red into his hand. He was about to give it back, when
Jack murmured, "Don't be daft. It's a Bordeaux from their private
stash."
Shaw
looked over at him, saw Sidney nodding beside him, also with a glass in hand.
"But
if his father asks, it's Chateau Picard." She smiled a very innocent
smile.
"And
so good. Bloody good." Jack grinned. "The best wine ever." He
put his hand on Liam's arm. "We're going to join Seven and Raffi. Come up
with us." His eyes were telling him how well he thought this was going to
go. "Come on. It can wait," he said more softly.
"You
go. I've gotta do this."
"Do
what?" Sidney asked, looking from him to Jack and back.
"Just
some unfinished business with our host. Go on, you two."
They
left and Shaw saw Elnor, standing a bit away. He
walked over and said, "Just go say hi."
"I
could say the same to you, sir."
"Liam.
Call me Liam when we're not on duty."
"Liam."
Shaw
saw an opening and grabbed Elnor's arm and moved them
in.
"Oh,
Elnor, how good of you to come." Picard turned
to Laris. "This is Elnor."
"We
should have met before this," she said.
Yeah,
they fucking should have. They were both goddamn Romulans. Shaw fumed for him.
Elnor only murmured something nice—apparently
absolute candor was out the window when his heart might be breaking a little.
"Maybe
you can remedy that. Have him over." He knew his tone was utterly wrong
for the occasion.
Picard
frowned. "And you know Elnor how?"
"Liam's
my mentor." Elnor looked up at him, his eyes
warning him not to say the angry thing he'd been about to. "He's on the
ship with us."
"Back
on the Titan? Must feel odd."
No,
what felt odd was being on the fucking Enterprise, but Jack wanted that
to be a surprise for his father so Shaw managed to bite back the retort.
He
stood silent for a moment, the words not coming. The ones that let this man off
the hook. A hook he probably didn't realize he was swinging on in the first
place. "Just wanted to say congratulations on your marriage."
"Most
kind. Considering all that happened." He looked up at where Seven was.
"At least they're happy."
"Jean-Luc,
Seven is with Commodore Shaw."
"She
is?"
"Yes."
Laris shot Shaw an apologetic look. "I thought
you heard her say it."
"Oh,"
he waved his hand down, his tone the same as when he'd mentioned the wrong Deep
Space station during dinner, "I was catching up with Raffi. Haven't seen
her in so long."
"You
could have her out. Show her you know she's alive." This time it escaped,
the harsh thing, the thing he knew Elnor and probably
this lovely woman who deserved better than Jean-Luc Fucking Picard would rather
he didn't say.
"We
should." Laris smiled at him, a softer smile, a
sadder one. One that said, "This is what I signed up for."
God
damn, he pitied her.
"Well,"
he said, looking only at her. "Congratulations again."
And
then he turned, leaving Elnor to fend for himself if
he didn't want to follow him. And he didn't. He went back to hovering.
The
poor fucking kid.
He
looked for Seven, saw her walking up to the terrace where Raffi was sitting
with fresh glasses and decided to let them be, throwing back the very good
Bordeaux and then heading off into the vineyard. As he walked, he heard a low
woofing and turned to see a very solid pit bull heading his way. Its tail was
wagging so he crouched down and waited for the dog to catch up, then laughed as
he fell over, the dog licking his face enthusiastically.
For
a moment, he was a kid again, with his family dog, gone in the moment of pure
connection, all the things that bothered him forgotten because an animal loved
him. Then the dog eased off and he saw he was wearing a collar that identified
him as "Number One."
"You
want to walk with me?"
The
dog woofed gently.
"Let
me tell you about a big battle in space and what your no doubt favorite person
had to do with it. And how I'm okay with that even if I think he's a huge
fucking dick."
He
stopped and the dog sat, looking up at him in the way only dogs could, eyes
trained on his face. Shaw smiled because he wasn't crying—wasn't even tearing
up.
He'd
come here to forgive a man who really couldn't give a shit about that, had fled
to this peaceful spot to lick his wounds, and now... Now he felt okay.
"We
are for sure getting dogs for Berries and Shit."
Number
One's tail slapped the ground.
"Okay,
boy, so as I was saying. There was this annoying dick of a man called Locutus only he wasn't really a man..."
##
Seven
brought Raffi a glass of sparkling water with raspberries in it and sat down
next to her, sipping her glass of Chateau Picard. It wasn't really as bad as
Liam went on about but she also knew her palate wasn't terribly refined when it
came to wine. She could tell a good bourbon from a bad one with one sip if that
was ever in question.
She
realized Raffi had her gaze fixed on one point and followed it. Elnor. Hovering around but not quite near enough to Picard
to actually talk to him.
"Do
you think I should tell him to stop trying?" Raffi sighed. "If JL
can't be there for his own son, how is he going to be there for mine?"
"Would
telling him to do it really stop him? He's as stubborn as we are."
"Only
way quieter about it."
Seven
laughed. "Right. That. Low drama."
"Nonexistent
drama." She grinned slowly. "You and Shaw have drama?"
"Not
really?"
"I'm
going to pretend that means you have no passion. I know that's bull, but I'm
going to choose to believe it. You go to your quarters after shift and you put
on very staid pajamas and you sit up in bed next to each other reading
technical manuals."
Seven
laughed. "Wow. Okay then."
"And
you think, every so often, 'I could be with Raffi right about now.'"
She
rested her head on Raffi's shoulder. "There will always be a part of me
that thinks that. You own a lot of real estate in my heart."
"Fuck,
he's even made you mushy. God damn it." But she turned and gave her a
quick kiss on the forehead. "Also, I really like that sentiment. You own a
lot in mine too. No matter who else comes along." There was a weird
silence. "Or has come along."
Seven
laughed. "The twins?" Still silence. "All of you?"
"He's
actually really funny. And ummm, let's just say the
refractory period is nonexistent."
"Oh,
that's so disturbing." She was glad she'd never had sex with the Chakotay
hologram. It would have spoiled her for real sex before she'd even gotten
started. "So are you two...? I mean on the ship
without the twins." She had seen them having meals more than once.
"Not
yet. Not while we're still at space dock. And no one is talking about
formalizing this or the future yet. But... I don't know. Maybe we will once
we're underway? I do enjoy his company."
"I
always felt he was a wonderful choice to teach me how to be human again."
"I
agree."
"Is
there room for us?" Jack called from the stairs. "Or should we find
our own spot?"
"Sidney's
always welcome, Crusher," Raffi said with a laugh.
"Damn,
I can't even get a break at my dad's 'We got married and forgot to let any of
you know so let's celebrate the hell out of it now' party." He had his arm
around Sidney and she rolled her eyes.
"Give
it a rest."
"You're
dating this fool, La Forge?" Raffi's tone was teasing.
"I
wasn't going to, but then he showed me the ancestral estate. I like the idea of
being a lady of the manor."
"No you don't. You've already told me you'll have the babies
but I'll have to raise them."
"Well,
I'll stop in every now and then. You know flying is what I want to do
now."
"And
giving my children roots is what I want to do." He sounded utterly serious
and Seven understood the sentiment. It was why she'd
bought the cabin, the first time in her life she had a place that was actually
a non-moving home.
Raffi
whispered in her ear, "Babies?"
Seven
made the gesture that had always meant "fuck if I know" for them and
sipped her wine. But Jack grinned at her when she looked over at him.
"Why
is Elnor hovering around my father like that?"
Jack shook his head. "The man's holding court. Nobody's going to get in
the way of that. Not his son and not his almost son." He met Seven's eyes.
"And not Liam—even though he probably tried. I saw him heading for the
vineyard."
"Shit."
She looked at Raffi who murmured, "Go," even though she had no idea
what was going on as far as Seven knew.
She
gave her glass to a server with an empty tray and wasted no time taking the
back steps down to the vineyard. She saw Liam sitting in the grass with a
rather imposing dog curled over his legs and hurried to him.
"He's
a love bug, Sev," Liam said as she got closer.
He held out his hand and she sat down next to him and took it. "This is
Number One." He gestured to the collar on him.
"Why
are you out here all alone?"
"Picard
won't care if I forgive him."
"No,
I don't think he will. He might have, while he needed you. He might have
appreciated it then. But now? No." It was hard admitting that the man
who'd been so important to her rejoining the fold, finding her friends again,
and being seen as worthy wasn't the type to hold on to those he ostensibly
loved. It was everyone else who held on to him, so if he needed them some day
in the future, he'd know where they were.
"So I've been telling Number One." He met her eyes.
"And the grapes. And the land. That's Picard too."
"Yes it is. Do they care?"
"They
do. This guy especially."
The
dog's tail began to slap the ground as Liam went back to telling him about Wolf
359, while never stopping petting him.
He
was still holding on to her hand, squeezing it tightly as if afraid she would
leave. She scooched closer and pet the dog too; his tail sped up and he looked
to be in bliss.
"Here's
the main thing you need to know, Number One."
The
dog whined, making Seven laugh.
"The
reason I have this amazing woman in my life is because of Jean-Luc Picard. Full
stop. So how can I be mad at him for anything? Even if he is lacking in the
normal human emotions thing."
The
dog whined in a different way.
"Yeah,
yeah, he loves you. I get that. But you loved him first, I bet."
The
dog stayed quiet. Seven realized she actually thought the two of them were
communicating. Well...why not? Stranger things existed than two soft souls
hidden by mean-looking exteriors understanding each other.
"At
any rate, I love this woman more than I've ever loved anything in my entire
life. Well, except my Mom."
"Having
met your mother, I can understand that." She kissed his cheek. "This
woman loves you too."
"I
don't know why. But I am thrilled you do." He freed his hand and wrapped
his arm around her, pulling her closer. "I expected to come out here and
have a good cry. But then Number One showed up and we just sort of walked
around and he was super easy to talk to."
She
laughed gently.
"And
there aren't any tears left for this. It's...done."
"The
past is past."
He
kissed her slowly, pulling her closer. "Yes, it is. All that's left is the
present and the future. A future I'm actually looking forward to."
She
ran her fingers over his cheekbones then down to his lips. His eyes were bright
now with happy tears and she knew hers were too. "Same here."
Epilogue:
Janeway
sat in a lounge chair on one of the new terrace levels Liam and Jack and the
Doctor had built when they reconfigured the back property. The steep drive was
gone and between them they'd figured out ways to bring in water and extend the
property with new cabins. She remembered Seven's look of delight when she'd
read the property specs and discovered it included forty acres of woodland
beyond what had been developed.
Most
of which was still wild and Liam kept the paths clear by letting the goats
graze along them.
Jack
crouched down next to her. "You need anything?"
"I'm
retired, Crusher, not helpless."
"My
question stands." He was retired too. Had lasted three years on the ship,
married Sidney during the last one, but once she got pregnant, he asked for
Earth duty. Kathryn had been only too happy to find him a new spot, somewhere
nice. Once his mandatory four years were up, he retired.
Joining
Liam who'd retired a year earlier to work on the property, turning it—with the
help of the Doctor—into this amazing farm: Berries and Shit Farm and Goat Yoga
Rustic Resort. Quite a mouthful.
The
tourists ate it up. They were booked into the next year every season.
Jack
got up. "Last chance for a refill."
"I'm
fine." She watched her grandson go—no. No, he wasn't her grandson. She was
frowning, when Chakotay found her.
"What
do you need?" he asked, their shorthand for what memory have you lost,
what short moment that would link things to make them make sense.
"Is
Jack our grandson?"
He
nodded. "I did the family bonding ceremony from my tribe. It was Seven's
gift to him. And to us." He took her hand. "Is it bad today?"
"It's
never bad when you're here."
His
smile still warmed her. Her angry warrior.
Seven
came striding down the walk, looking every inch a captain even if she was
retiring. She had Annika Crusher on her hip, Sidney next to her, both of them
chattering to the toddler whose laugh peeled out.
"Katrin,"
Annika said when she saw her and fought her way free of Seven and ran to her.
Janeway
swung her onto the chair with her and felt every muscle complain. Getting old
had its downsides. "And how is my favorite great goddaughter?"
"There's
no such thing," Seven said with a laugh.
"There
is if I say there is. Are we family or aren't we? And
I'm too young and spritely to be a great grandmother." She made a face and
rubbed her back, making them laugh.
"You're
ageless, Kathryn," Sidney said.
"Go
have fun, you two. I've got her." She pulled the present she'd brought for
Annika from her tote—a stuffed Irish Setter. "Now, what shall we call
her?"
"Molly."
"A
fine, storied name for a dog." She kissed her on the head as she settled
in and played with the toy.
As
always, Annika seemed to settle down when she was with her, and not for the
first time, Janeway wondered what it would have been like to have children of
her own.
She
heard steps, and then Raffi sat down next to them. "Damn she's cute."
"So
are Ana and Eva. Do those women never age?"
"Good
genes."
"Not
unlike you're own. You're looking good."
"I'm
feeling good. Although Seven retiring seems unreal."
"You
going to do the same?"
Raffi
shook her head. "I'm a lifer. Now that I'm back in, good luck getting me
out."
Janeway
laughed. "What happened to you, Raffi. One of my greatest regrets."
"I
know. Along with letting Seven go." She frowned. "What's the third.
The test had three for me."
"Me
as well. It was letting the Doctor get taken when the synth band was
enacted."
"Well,
you got him back."
"No,
he died."
Raffi
was frowning. "He's right up there." She pointed to where the Doctor
and the twins were picking berries. "And I can attest to his
vitality."
She
frowned.
"He
made us breakfast, is all I mean." She winked. "It was a good thing
you got him out. They outlawed emergency holograms after Mars. Although you
could still get them on the black market. You had to link them to your DNA so
they looked like you and a cursory scan—if they were seen outside the ship—would
register as you. My friend Rios had one—but he morphed them into five because
he had a death wish back then. When he gave Seven La Sirena, she merged
them back to one, but when she tried to realign the hologram to her, her Borg
parts got in the way. So she had a Rios and so did Stargazer.
I used to worry about that—what would happen to her if they realized she had a
hologram."
"What
happened to Rios?" Fuck, another hole in her memory.
"He's
MIA."
"But
where?"
"The
essence of MIA is you don't know where."
"But
you know where."
She
frowned. "Kathryn, are you okay?"
"No."
She didn't, as a rule, share her diagnosis. But this woman deserved to know.
"We've triumphed over the various types of dementia endemic to this
quadrant but there's a virus in the Delta Quadrant, it lies dormant. Until it
doesn't. I'm losing bits and pieces."
"I'm
so sorry. Is everyone affected?"
"No.
Just me and a few others. We were all on the same away mission." She saw
Raffi's face shine with pity. "Don't feel sorry for me. I'm eighty years
old and I've got family and friends, and time. It's not a fast degeneration.
Please don't tell any—"
"I
won't. Thank you for trusting me with that." She took her hand.
The
loudspeakers crackled, then Liam's voice sounded, asking everyone to assemble
on the terrace level she was at for a small ceremony.
Annika
fidgeted and she let her up to take her toy to the nearby sandbox. "Can't
believe Seven is retiring so soon."
"She
did what she needed to do. And once Liam left she really
missed him. She'll be teaching at the Academy as an independent
contractor."
"She'll
be good at that."
People
were massing and Raffi got up with a wink. "I have a role in this."
Chakotay
took her place and said, "Excellent timing."
Liam
and Seven were standing together. They still looked so
in love as he leaned in and kissed her gently. "Our children," she
murmured. Then glared at Chakotay for making that a little weirder than it had
to be.
He
just laughed.
"Okay,
so we're not really here to celebrate Seven retiring, although she's loving the
well wishes. We wanted to bring the people we cared about here to witness our
wedding. But we didn't want anyone to feel like they had to dress up or bring
presents. We just want you here with us to add to the happiness."
Janeway
laughed. "Tricky tricky."
Seven
looked around the group. "We love you all. You're our family. Literally,
in some cases." She ruffled Jack's hair and he said, "Hey!"
But
then he went to stand by Liam's side and Raffi stood at hers. Then a goat
sauntered in, rings tied to a bow around his neck and everyone laughed.
The
Doctor retrieved the rings before the goat could eat them, then walked over to
Liam and Seven and cleared his throat dramatically. "We have quite a few
captains here but your ability to perform marriages are limited to your own
ships." He looked at Liam and Seven. "And not for yourselves. So because I love you both, I've added Doctor of Divinity to
my rather extensive CV."
"Get
on with it," Liam said, not quietly.
"Oh,
that'll teach you to make someone else your best man."
"He
just didn't want me running the show," Jack said.
Everyone
laughed again.
"Well,
as you might imagine, neither of these lovely people will promise to do
anything because they can think of so many times when they might need to break
that. So I'm just going to ask them if they want to be
married and that way, we'll get the oh-so-longed-for 'I do.'" He looked
thrilled at the laughter.
Seven
and Liam were facing each other, laughing too. Then she pulled him in and
kissed him.
"Excuse
me, but we're not at that part yet."
"Fuck
you," both of them said in stereo.
"Well,
shall we go around the group and talk about our day until these two come up for
air?"
Seven
pulled away from Liam. "Fine. Get on with it. I do."
"I
do too."
And
they went back to kissing.
"I
now pronounce you asshole and other asshole." And
he walked off with a huge grin on his face as everyone slapped him on the back
as they laughed.
Janeway
stared at Liam and Seven, somehow saw them both superimposed, standing alone,
looking miserable.
She'd
made this happen. She looked around, at the Doctor, at Raffi who actually had
her arms around him and one of the twins.
She'd
made all of this happen.
"Admiral
Janeway?"
Who
was bothering her now? She smiled at Chakotay and reached for his hand.
"Did you say something?"
He
reached back, his touch warm and supportive. "Are you all right,
Kathryn?" The question meant so much more after the diagnosis and she
hated that.
"I'm
with you, so of course."
"Admiral
Janeway?"
Damn
these ghost voices. "We need a new doctor, Chakotay. The meds are doing
nothing for these phantoms." Maybe they should consult with the Doctor—why
hadn't they?
"Admiral
Janeway?" Someone shaking her and she felt herself fall away, as if she'd
slipped down the drive the way it used to be: steep and unnerving. She opened
her eyes and saw bright sunshine coming in a window. She was in a recliner with
a lovely view of the bridge. It should have been comfortable but something
about her body felt wrong. Too...frail. Too old.
"Where
am I?"
"You're
in Lafayette Tower, ma'am." A woman dressed in all white. A nurse?
"Where's
Chakotay?"
The
woman's face fell and she seemed uncertain what to say.
"I
don't know you."
"I
know, Admiral. I'm nurse Reilly. But you have a visitor I'm told you do
know." She hurried to the door and let someone in.
Janeway
was too busy looking out at the view but seeing Hood Canal superimposed on it.
"I don't want company."
"You
say that every Tuesday and Thursday." A beloved voice. Amused.
She
turned. "Seven. Seven, I was just at the Canal."
Her
face changed. "You go there so often now. My wedding day again?"
She
nodded. "It was the best day. But where's Chakotay? And why is your hair
that color?"
"You
mean gray? Because I'm old and you're older. My wedding was twenty years
ago." She smiled and began to lay out food on a tray that she rolled over
to the recliner, then pulled a chair over and sat.
"Where's
Chakotay, Seven?"
"He's
gone." Her voice was even, as if this was a conversation
they had all the time.
"Gone
where?"
"Today's
not a good day, is it? What do you remember?"
"I
don't remember that nurse. I..." The light was in her eyes, so she reached
down to a pocket of the recliner and pulled out a universal controller and
turned the sun shade on. "I knew that was there. Is this—this is my
place."
"Yes."
"But
I know you. I know everything about you. Until you made captain. I remember the
pinning ceremony, putting the extra pip on you, but nothing past that.
Why?"
"You
always do remember me—and the far past is easier. More...embedded."
She
tried to imagine Chakotay in this place, where would he sleep? There were lots
of chairs but the bed was a hospital type only big enough for one. She looked
at something that hung on the wall. One of his sand paintings.
A
stab of painful memory as she remembered. It was the last one he did before
he...died. It was supposed to be impermanent but she'd had it preserved—the
lecture he would have given her on that. "Oh. How many years ago did he
go, Seven?"
"Three.
You were ninety seven."
"I'm
a hundred?" She laughed. "Of course I am.
Too stubborn to die."
"Too
wonderful to."
There
was a knock and the nurse was back. "I just have to give her meds and I'll
be gone."
Seven's
padd pinged and she got up. "I have to take care of this. I'll be just in
the hall."
The
nurse was very gentle as she held the hypospray to her arm.
"My
husband's dead. That's who Chakotay is. That's why he's not here."
"The
other nurses told me. I'm so sorry."
"The
woman with me. That's my...daughter, of a sort. And she was a grandmother and I
was great godmother. To Annika. She comes to visit sometimes."
"Ma'am,
the woman here today is Annika. Only she told me not to call her that."
"Not
Annika Hansen. Annika Crusher. "
The
nurse shrugged helplessly.
"What
do the other nurses say about me?"
"Admiral,
I..."
"That
was not a request for information, it was an order."
The
nurse crouched in front of her. "That you maybe wear rose colored glasses.
Remake the past to your liking."
"That's
ridiculous. I've never worn rose colored glasses and I certainly wouldn't start
now."
"I
believe you. I know who you are, what you did. I asked for this wing when I
reported today because I admire you so much."
"Oh,
so you're new?"
"Yes,
ma'am."
"So you wouldn't know about Annika. Sometimes Seven and she
surprise me with a visit. I bet that's why Seven went out to the hall. To buzz
her in. She thinks she's stealthy or maybe just that I won't remember. But if
it's about her or my great goddaughter, I do."
The
nurse smiled. "I'm told Captain Seven is here twice a week. Teaches at the
Academy those mornings and is here for lunch and stays through the afternoon.
Never misses."
"Seven's loyal. It's what Liam values about her. I brought
them together."
The
nurse looked very confused. She'd figure it out if she was here long enough.
"What's
your name, dear?"
"Siobhan."
"Good
Irish name. I approve. I look forward to getting to know you, Siobhan. And if I
forget your name the next time we see each
other..."
"I'll
just remind you. Don't worry. It's all good." With a sweet smile she stood
and left her.
Seven
came back in. "I have a surprise for you."
Behind
her came Annika. "Hello, Great Godmother."
"There's
no such thing."
"There
is if I say there is." She grinned at their old joke, then leaned down and
hugged her, kissing her cheek gently. "Seven said you were at the
Canal?"
"On
her wedding day. Do you remember that? You were only two."
She
shook her head. "I was just out there. Watching two stubborn men try to outmule each other." She sat after Seven pulled over
another chair. "I've eaten. Please go ahead."
Seven
asked between bites, "How's Jack doing getting Liam to not be in
charge?"
"Dad's
trying. Liam's..."
"Liam."
Annika
nodded. "I learned some new swear words from Liam, so that was fun."
Janeway
laughed. "Why does he have to stop being in charge?"
"Because
I want to travel and we can't do that if he's running the rentals and farm.
Jack and the Doctor are more than capable."
"The
Doctor wants to stay there?" Janeway asked. "He was always so curious—I
thought he'd want to roam."
"He's
happy there, with us—his family. Especially now that Ana and Eva bought the
little place next door."
"Does
that mean Raffi's moving in too?" Annika asked with a laugh.
"Who
knows with those four?"
"How's
your mother?" Janeway asked Annika.
"Getting
ready to be first officer of a ship." Her smile was the sweet one that
meant she'd told her this before.
Janeway
didn't understand how she always recognized Seven and Annika even if she
couldn't always remember the current details of their life. "Which
ship?"
"The
new Voyager. And that I haven't ever told you so don't ask. It was just
announced."
"Finally
enough time has gone by to let that name fly again." She smiled, feeling a
warm sense of closure—and pride. Her beautiful ship free to roam. "Tell
Sidney not to chase any maquis into the badlands. And avoid strange
arrays."
"I
will." Annika was laughing.
"Who's
the captain?"
"Mura,"
Seven said with a fond grin that let Janeway know that he was important to her.
She
couldn't place the name or pull up a face.
Oh
well. It didn't matter. Not when her girls were here. The only thing that would
make it better would be for Chakotay to be here with some of their dogs.
"You definitely should travel with Liam, Seven. Build the memories while
you have him."
"This
is my last term teaching. I just told the Academy. That's why I want him to
make the transition now."
"Oh."
She felt a pang—no more classes, no more visits.
"So this is why I'm here," Annika said, obviously
reading her change in mood. "With Grandfather Picard gone, the Chateau is Laris's now. And I've been staying there and helping out
while working on my degree in viticulture and enology in Bordeaux. There's so
much room at the chateau. We can hire nurses to be with you day and night so
you don't have to stay in just your room or the common area. You can go
outside, be around dogs again."
"A
private nurse is expensive—let alone enough to do all that." She waved
that idea away even though the idea of being around dogs made her heart leap.
"I'm
hiring the nurses. Trust me, we have plenty of funds." Seven took her
hand. "Would you like to go there?"
"Please?"
Annika said, her voice sincere—Janeway could still read people.
"What
kind of dogs?"
"Does
it matter?" Seven was grinning at her.
"No,
I guess it doesn't. Won't it get old, having me around when I forget
things?"
"You
never forget us," Annika said, taking her hand.
"No,
I don't. A change of scenery might be nice. You're sure Laris
is all right with that?"
"We're
sure." Seven said. "Now that that's settled, eat. Your lunch is
getting cold."
"Hard
to believe this all happened because of a test."
Seven
laughed. "How long are you going to take credit for Liam and I getting
together?"
"Forever.
You were locked in it even after you were pulled out, but I was the one who
found a way to bring you back to us. Bring you back to me. Letting you leave me—leave
all of us—the way you did, Seven, was always my greatest regret." She felt
a chill, a brush against her arm, someone calling for Admiral Janeway—these
damn phantoms, bothering her now. "When I took the test, it was what I
searched for an answer to."
Seven
smiled, a loving smile, one that Janeway at one point had thought she'd never
again see from her.
She
felt a chill, heard the hiss of a hypo, then the sound of a familiar voice—Chakotay's.
He was begging her to come back.
A
bit dramatic on his part considering he was the one who'd died and left her,
not the other way around.
She
took a deep breath and pushed the voice away. It was just some memory intruding
from the past, like her earlier one of Seven's wedding. She'd hold on to the
present, try not to let it get away from her this time. It was too wonderful to
lose. "I can't remember much about the test though. Other than that."
Seven
smiled gently. "It's okay. You're with us now. Your family. That's all
that matters."
"Yes.
Yes, it is."
FIN