DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc and Viacom. The story contents are the creation and property of Djinn and are copyright (c) 2024 by Djinn. This story is Rated R.

The Sacredness of Tears (Part 3)

by Djinn

 

8.

 

Shaw woke but he wasn't in the cabin anymore. He was on the Constance and all hell was raining down around him. Klaxons went off, red alert lights caused weird shadows, smoke hid the ends of the corridor from view, and he heard the voice of Locutus.

 

Coming from right behind him.

 

He whirled and jerked away from the assimilation tube, falling backward as he did, and skittering like a crab to get away from him.

 

"Resistance is futile, Liam Shaw."

 

For a moment, he felt pure panic. But then—how the fuck did Locutus knew his name? He got up and took a step toward him, and Locutus began to look less gray.

 

He took another and the red lights on his implants dimmed.

 

"Fuck you!" Shaw yelled and Locutus transformed into Picard, and he looked old and small and tired.

 

He met his eyes, and Picard nodded and looked away. "It's all right. I understand."

 

"Be kind to him," he heard Seven say and her voice came from all around him.

 

"I have to forgive him," he murmured and then, as Picard began to crack apart in front of him, he pulled him into a hug. "You didn't ask for this. None of us did."

 

And everything disappeared and it was the ship again but empty. Pristine condition, just as it had been when he reported, but no people.

 

"Show me your ship?" Seven said from behind him and he held out his hand and she took it. She was wearing a uniform that matched his except hers was for the science section and she smiled as they walked, murmuring how beautiful the ship was.

 

They got to an airlock and she opened it and they walked in even though they didn't have suits on, and then they floated out into space, and it felt like nothing, but it was welcoming, not hostile, not killing them as it should be.

 

They floated away from the ship and he asked, "I have to let it go now, don't I?" even though sound didn't carry in a vacuum, and she said, "You do."

 

And he didn't look away as everything went back to that day, as he watched—just as he had from the escape pod—the ship he loved beyond words explode.

 

"It was a good ship, Liam."

 

"It was the best ship." He watched the escape pod emerge from the debris, somehow getting away. He met his own eyes and knew it would take him so long to ever be all right, but he wasn't going to tell that version of him, because it was too much, too many years to go on if you had to do it knowing how long it would take. So he just whispered to his younger self, "You'll be okay."

 

His younger self shook his head.

 

"No, you really will."

 

And he woke up, on the mattress, and reached for Seven but she wasn't there. Then he saw her, her robe on, sitting legs up in the big chair drinking coffee and typing on her padd, clearly texting someone. She looked over at him and her smile was lovely but distracted, which was perfect because he didn't want her to really have been in his dream.

 

"Did you sleep well?" she asked.

 

"I did. You?"

 

"After last night? That many orgasms? What do you think?" Her smile was wicked. "I'm working on some stuff. Ship stuff."

 

"Well, I'm not going to get in the way of that." With a grin, he got up, poured himself some coffee, and took it out to the porch.

 

He'd refilled twice and gotten breakfast by the time she came out to join him.

 

"What do you want to do today?" she asked, snuggling into him.

 

He put his arm around her and kissed her hair. "They have passenger ferries here still. Let's ride one to Seattle. Wander around the waterfront. We can always have the flitter fly over to pick us up if we don't want to ride the boat back."

 

"Okay." She seemed to be waiting but he wasn't sure for what. Finally, she said, "You're not going to ask who I was texting with."

 

"Nope. Your business. And I trust you wouldn't lie about it being ship's business." Plus she had a look when she was working that wasn't there when she was off duty. Even if the person was someone she liked, which this clearly had been.

 

She pulled him to her and kissed him soundly. "I was talking to Elnor about the job."

 

"You texted a job offer? Uhhhh..."

 

She whapped him gently. "I wouldn't do that to anyone else. Well, okay I might if it were you or Raff. But he and I perfected the stealth text when Raffi and I were together and he needed advice. And over time we've kept in touch that way. So he's very used to me doing this."

 

"What did he say?"

 

"He's so excited. I'm going to have him cross train with Jack." She was watching him again as if waiting for a reaction.

 

"Okay."

 

"They'll need a good mentor. Or two."

 

"Uh huh." His attention was diverted by a bald eagle flying over, and then the crows that decided to mob it, chasing it away even though it was so much bigger.

 

She was still looking at him. "I want you and Matthew to be their mentors. You both know the ship and how it works. You're at different stages in your career with different experiences."

 

"Wait, you want me to mentor Picard's spawn and Raffi's son? Does she know?" He didn't give a shit if Picard did. Even if he did just hug him in his dream.

 

"Of course. I ran it by her first."

 

"Before you asked me?" He touched his hand over his heart. "I love that."

 

"And as my first officer, not as his mom. Or not just as his mom."

 

"Elnor I can get excited about mentoring. Why in God's name are you saddling me with Jack?"

 

She pulled him down for another kiss. "Look how well you did with me."

 

"You got me killed."

 

"Okay, but, other than that..." She was laughing and he pulled her closer.

 

"I'm glad the death of poor, innocent me is so funny." But he let his lips linger on her hair. "What do you think I can bring him? Matthew, sure. He's great with everyone."

 

"Raffi calls Jack feral and maybe in some senses he is. He grew up like I did. Stuck on a spaceship, a captive to the whims of his mother, never in one place, few—if any—permanent friends, a dubious view of morals."

 

"Explain that part to me. You seem pretty moral."

 

"When I was a kid, I had all kinds of rules. Mostly, now that I can look back as an adult, they were designed to minimize how annoying raising a child must be when you are in the middle of the most amazing discovery of your life." Her voice was bitter.

 

"They were assholes."

 

"Yes. They were." She snuggled in and snaked her hand over his stomach. "But they consistently broke rules. I started to ask myself how important were they. I lost that child's memories and her struggles when I was a drone, and she took a while to come back once I was liberated. But I remember that life now. I remember how I never felt as if I was on firm ground."

 

"But Kathryn and the Doctor helped you?"

 

"They did. All the crew did. But then I was cast loose again. And..." She sighed. "Icheb got into Starfleet—he was an ex-B and not even from this quadrant. Chakotay got in as did all the other Maquis. Once again the rules didn't seem to apply to anyone but me."

 

He sighed. "You realize Jack got in because his daddy ensured it."

 

"I got in because his daddy and my pseudo mom ensured it. How is it any different? I came in as a commander. Do you think I felt as if I earned it?"

 

He lifted her chin so he could study her. "You acted as if you thought that."

 

"Because I knew everyone else didn't. You know how stubborn I am."

 

"Yes. I do."

 

She laughed softly. "He's being fast-tracked the same way I was. It's going to play with his head. Until he has you forcing him to earn that rank. To earn his place. You have no idea how good you are at mentoring."

 

"I was a dick to you. The name—"

 

"Who had me cross train everywhere?"

 

"Me."

 

"Who created a holodeck program that combined regulations and hunting down hostiles?"

 

"Me." He loved that fucking game.

 

"Who would periodically find something I'd excel at over him so I wouldn't give up?"

 

He rubbed his chin in an almost Pavlovian response. She'd won every sparring match. "Me."

 

"Who sat with me in my quarters, sharing a special bottle of his favorite wine, when I lost my first person on an away mission?"

 

"Me."

 

"Every single one of those things mattered—and you'll find things that will matter to him." She lifted her face to him and he kissed her gently. "And I don't want you to not be a mentor. You're too good at it."

 

"I'll be mentoring the Doctor if I get him on the project."

 

"I've seen you two. You like him as an equal."

 

He nodded. "You're not wrong." He sighed. "Fine. Tell me about Elnor? What will I do for him?"

 

"Honestly, I think you'll just enjoy him. And he's been literally raised by women. He'll be happy to have a male in his life that isn't Picard." She sighed. "Picard's trying—with Jack anyway. I'm not sure if he's been talking to Elnor. But he's..."

 

"He's Picard. That's never going to equal hands-on dad. Or consistency in anything other than he'll find you when he needs you."

 

"Sadly true, I'm afraid. I'm really interested to see how Elnor and Jack get on."

 

"Are you saying that as the captain or as someone who is mom-adjacent for both these kids?"

 

She laughed. "A little bit of both, I think."

 

"Well, just so long as you're clear."

 

##

 

Seven sat with Shaw inside the upper level of the ferry. They'd been outside but it was too windy and cold for staying long. This part of the ferry was outfitted with rows of banquette seats facing each other along the windows, and chairs arranged in rows in the middle. Toward the dining area, the banquette seats had a table between them. They were riding well after rush hour so anyone going into the city for work had long since left.

 

Her old ranger instincts were telling her they should have chosen to sit in the chairs, against the bulkhead, where no one could sneak up on them. She hated having her back to everyone behind her, didn't like having another banquette butt up against theirs. No one was sitting there but anyone could attack.

 

She forced herself to still, take a deep breath. They were on a ferry filled with tourists. No one was going to attack them.

 

Still, she turned around to assess who was near them.

 

No one in the banquette pair directly behind them, but the next one had what looked like a father and daughter. They were facing the other way, and both had their heads down as if looking at padds not out the window—locals probably. The gorgeous scenery had long since lost its ability to hold their interest.

 

It held hers and Liam was constantly pointing things out. She loved how interested he was in everything.

 

She heard footsteps and tensed slightly, but it was just the father and daughter headed for the dining car.

 

"Something got you spooked?" Liam put his arm around her.

 

"Yeah. When I was a ranger, those instincts saved me more than once."

 

"And I'm glad they did or you wouldn't be here with me. You want to change seats?"

 

"Yes, but that's stupid. The view's better from here and outside's too cold."

 

"Do you at least want the window? We can switch?"

 

She laughed gently. "Do I want to be hemmed in and have you in danger? No."

 

He chuckled. "I love that my girlfriend is such a badass. I don't love that she thinks I can't take care of myself. Remember Chi Four?"

 

"The bar?" Where he'd taken down four guys who'd decided they didn't like ex Borg. She'd taken down six but still—he'd done good.

 

She was laughing when she saw the father coming back with a coffee. He took one look at her and said, "Fucking son of a bitch. What is wrong with you?"

 

She was on her feet as he strode to her, his coffee jostling so much it was a miracle none spilled.

 

"You think this is fucking funny?" he shouted at her.

 

She realized he was wearing a Star Fleet Academy Parent shirt.

 

"Aren't you a little old for body mods? You make me sick, pretending to be one of the assholes that killed my boy."

 

"Wait, what?" She could see the daughter hurrying toward them, her "Dad, come on" sounded like this was not unexpected behavior.

 

Liam handed the guy his padd. "She's not pretending to be anything."

 

She had no idea what he was showing him. It better not be her service record.

 

"Oh, shit. Captain Seven." The father's eyes met hers as he handed Liam the padd back and she realized it was some "Heroes of Frontier Day" article—Liam must have had it bookmarked. Big sap. "I'm so sorry, Captain. There's these kids—old enough to be in Starfleet but nothing that Starfleet would ever want. They think it's funny to look Borg. Had body mods done. Some sort of counter-culture bullshit."

 

"Ironic Anarchists," his daughter said softly.

 

She smiled sadly at her, then turned back to the father. "Your son died at Frontier Day?"

 

He nodded.

 

"What year was he?"

 

"It was his first year. I don't even understand how he got changed. Or why he was shot." He sat down heavily, his coffee spilling this time on his shirt, but he didn't seem to notice. Tears dripped out of his eyes and fell too, mingling with the coffee.

 

She sat next to him. "On our ship, we had our phasers set to stun. But the kids who were taken didn't. And other places, the people who weren't changed, who were fighting back—well, some of them didn't set their weapons to stun. I'm so sorry for your loss."

 

"I just miss him so fucking much. I just feel so alone."

 

She saw his daughter flinch so she met Liam's eyes and he eased the girl away, saying, "Let me buy you a coffee," and then she was alone with the father.

 

"I want to kill them. Those kids who mock my son's sacrifice."

 

"I had a son in Starfleet too. He was killed years ago by a very evil person. I spent too much of my life hunting her down. I don't think—" She took a deep breath, realizing she'd never actually said this out loud. "I don't think my boy would be proud of me. He joined Starfleet to make a difference. He was about life, not death."

 

The man took her hand. "But did it make you feel better?"

 

"Yes, but not for long. You have to find a way to live, to honor him. You still have a child. I didn't."

 

"She's going away."

 

"Children do that."

 

"She's going there. To the Academy. She might as well be dead too."

 

"No. No, that's not true. And...she needs you."

 

"She's leaving. She won't need me."

 

She thought how good it had felt to see the Doctor, to have him be the man who helped her become herself, not some potential suitor. "She will always need you. No matter how far away she goes or time passes. Don't shut her out." Like she shut out her Voyager family. The Doctor had been right about that—they'd all gone into Starfleet and left her standing outside, but that didn't mean she had to run to the edge of the quadrant. She could have stayed in touch. She didn't have to be alone.

 

But it was her choice. The only one she'd felt she could make at the time.

 

The man took her hand, holding tightly. "I'm Charlie Andrews, by the way."

 

"Seven of Nine."

 

"That's a weird fucking name."

 

"It's Borg."

 

He didn't ask her why she wanted to be Borg. He just seemed happy she wasn't one of those stupid kids. "If she goes to the Academy, if she's eventually deployed, how do I know she'll be okay?"

 

"You don't."

 

"How do I live with that?"

 

She didn't have an answer for that. But maybe Raffi did, her programs she used to stay sober. "One day at a time."

 

#

 

Shaw sat with Marissa as she drank her coffee, not looking at him. She'd told him about her brother Zach. She'd told him about her own acceptance to Starfleet.

 

She hadn't told him how her dad was blocking her out of his life, but Shaw could see it. He imagined there were other times the man hung on too tight. Nothing or too much. Grief could do that.

 

"I'm thinking of taking a gap year. Then going to the UW, Starfleet ROTC." She met his eyes. "Valid, right? Not everyone goes to the Academy."

 

"Why did you want to go to the Academy?"

 

"Because Zach did."

 

"Why are you going to take a gap year?"

 

She swallowed hard. "To make sure my father doesn't..." She took an almost desperate sip of her coffee. "My mom died a year before Zach. It's just been too much."

 

He nodded. He'd been there, after Wolf. There had been been nights his parents hadn't gone to bed and he'd known they'd been afraid they wouldn't find him alive in the morning if they left him alone.

 

"What should I do?"

 

"You've got to do what you think is right. If the Academy was just a way to get noticed by your father..."

 

"He used to notice me. Before Zach died. He used to care that he had two kids." She took a deep, world-weary breath.

 

"I'm sorry." He studied her. "Have you taken time to grieve?"

 

"I don't know." She shook her head. "That's not true, I cry at night. When he's finally asleep. I don't want to add to his pain."

 

"Sometimes pain gets easier when it's shared."

 

She nodded as if it might be something she considered. "The thing is, I can't stay with him forever."

 

"No, you can't."

 

"And I can't be Zach. He was in command track. I'm interested in engineering."

 

"I may have a background in that." He smiled gently.

 

"Was it fun? Being a Starfleet Engineer?"

 

"It was the best."

 

She made a sad face. "Was the Academy fun?"

 

"No idea. I was enlisted. Went through OCS. Now I'm a commodore. Weird shit happens." He grinned at her. "If Starfleet is in your future, then you'll get there. You want my advice?"

 

"I really do."

 

"If going to the Academy is really important to you, go. But call your dad every day you have access. Keep him invested in you, in life."

 

"What if it's not. What if engineering is."

 

"Then go to the fucking UW. It's got a fabulous program. I know a prof there. He's amazing. Give me your contact info and I'll have him call you."

 

"Thank you." She brought up her comm code and he keyed it into his padd. "What about the gap year?"

 

"I can't advise on that. You know your dad. If you think it's the right thing to do..."

 

"I'm really worried about him."

 

"You can call him just as easily from Seattle as from San Francisco. And you'll have weekends, holidays—days you just want to be home."

 

"I'll think about it." She eased out of the booth. "Can we go check on him?"

 

"I can assure you that Seven won't hurt him. She's good with people. Better than I am."

 

Marissa laughed. "Don't sell yourself short, sir."

 

"Look at you with the sneaky sir." He grinned, his full grin. "I think whatever you decide, you'll be fine."

 

"I hope so."

 

##

 

Seven waved to Charlie and Marissa as they headed off. "You think we helped them?"

 

Liam was standing next to her, his arm around her shoulder. "I hope so."

 

"If I see any of those wannabe Borg kids, I may get violent."

 

"No you won't. It's a free world, even if they are being total assholes. Eventually most of them will get the body mods redone to some other obnoxious thing."

 

She laughed bitterly. "True."

 

"Let's just wander. Find a place where the food smells good and eat there."

 

She pulled him to her, kissed him quickly. "I love you." As she kissed him, she reached for his padd but he stopped her, laughing into her mouth.

 

She eased away. "Why did you have that article so close to hand?"

 

"Because you look hotter than shit in it." He laughed. "Also it was a great write up and you said nice things about me. One might have thought you liked me." He grinned, a big stupid grin and she laughed.

 

"Meh."

 

"Yeah, I know. Story of my life: meh." He took her hand and pulled to get her moving.

 

They wandered for a long time before they found a place that enticed both of them into it. They sat outside at the back of the restaurant, surrounded by portable heaters and enjoyed the view off the pier. She ordered salmon but Liam ordered something called geoduck, but he pronounced it "gooey duck."

 

"I love duck. Can we share?"

 

He just started to laugh.

 

"God damn it, Liam." She pulled out her padd and looked up geoduck. The picture that met her eyes was... "Oh my."

 

He just laughed harder.

 

"I wasn't aware you were into eating things that look so much like a dick."

 

"I have unplumbed depths. And yes, we can share. Wait until you've tried it before you mock me."

 

"Have you had it before?"

 

He shook his head. "But my cousin goes on and on about it. And he and I usually agree so..."

 

"So we're eating clam dick."

 

"If you want to put it that way, sure." He took a long pull from his beer.

 

She studied him for a moment, then said softly, "We're both feeling it, aren't we?"

 

"The pull of the ship?"

 

She nodded.

 

"Yeah. I think we're on last days here."

 

"I think so too. But I'm okay with that. Talking to Charlie—as a captain, as a member of Starfleet—it helped. God, that sounds awful. I feel better because of his pain."

 

"No, you were reminded who you are at heart by his pain. You didn't profit off it. You're too kind for that."

 

"You're pretty kind yourself. And mentoring even when the kid's not in Starfleet yet."

 

He grinned. "I thought of that."

 

"I can't wait to get you on my ship." She phrased it that way to see what he'd do—if there'd be any kind of reaction.

 

But he just grinned. "I can't wait for that either."

 

The server came and set down the plates. Liam's looked nothing like the raw clam, for which she was very grateful. She cut him half her salmon and he gave her half his clam and they tried it first.

 

"Oh my God, this is good," she said.

 

"Really fucking is." He took a taste of the salmon. "Mmmm, you're going to like this too."

 

They were pretty quiet as they happily devoured the meal and then went back to exploring, eventually coming to a big open air market. They stopped at one stand to watch people slinging fish, which was weird but Liam seemed to dig it more than she did so she held his hand and ducked instinctively when a fish flew over them.

 

The market lay in front of them, a huge place to explore but Liam wasn't moving and she didn't push him.

 

"Ready to go back to the cabin?" she asked softly.

 

"I am. But if you want to explore...?"

 

"I don't." She pulled up the ferry schedule, they should be able to catch the next one if they didn't dawdle. "Let's go home."

 

They barely made it because they did dawdle in front of a fudge place, but they were safely ensconced in a booth and drinking coffee as they shared the fudge by the time the ferry pulled out.

 

She realized she was sleepy when she yawned way too big, but he just put his arm around her and said, "Nap. I'll look out for you."

 

They were as exposed as they had been on the ride over, but somehow she felt safer this time. She even had taken the spot closest to the window. "I love you, Liam. This was a good day."

 

"Yeah, it was. And I love you too." His lips were soft on her forehead.

 

She closed her eyes and fell asleep, and then after the short walk to their flitter once they got back to their side of the Sound, she fell asleep in his arms there too.

 

She woke as he urged her out of the flitter. "I don't know why I'm so sleepy."

 

"Fresh sea air." He was yawning now too.

 

They got the stove going enough to give them a little heat but didn't bother with the fireplace. Then they both fell asleep, cuddled tightly together under the covers.

 

If she had any dreams, she didn't remember them.

 

 

9.

 

Shaw lay on the blanket in the front yard, reading a padd, enjoying the afternoon sun on his back. Seven was next to him working on her padd. He could tell she wanted to tell him something because she kept shifting the same way she used to do in her chair on the ship.

 

"What?" He asked it just the way he would have when he was her captain, half interested, half asshole, and she laughed.

 

"What's my tell?"

 

Normally he didn't like to give away an advantage, but she needed to know she did this. "You shift way more than your usual." Which was a lot. One had to know her to realize she was doing it more than usual. "Why do you fidget so much?"

 

"My station, in astrometrics, on Voyager didn't have a chair. As a ranger, I made my own schedule so generally I didn't have to sit a whole shift in a chair. I'll have to watch that." She seemed to be considering. "Although when on task, if seated, I tend to just do the job."

 

"That's true. It's when you have nothing to do but look at the big screen or a padd that you go nuts." He reached over and ruffled her hair. "What is it you don't want to tell me?"

 

"I want to invite Kathryn and Chakotay and their dogs out here for the day. You were right: I do need to talk to her. And to him. And maybe to both of them. But I want it on neutral ground that's more mine than theirs."

 

He laughed. "Okay. Do you want me gone?"

 

She looked over at him. "Why would I want you gone?"

 

"This part predates me."

 

"So? I'm not going to have you there when I talk to her. She and I will be out on the spit like Raffi and I were when she and the Doctor visited."

 

"So I'm supposed to entertain Chuckles?"

 

"Please don't call him that."

 

"You know I'm going to." He grinned.

 

But her face did something he didn't like. "Or, I can just call him Chakotay."

 

"I don't want to get him defensive before he and I talk. So no nickname."

 

"But I can still call her Katie-Kate?"

 

She laughed and nodded, then she began to text.

 

"Is it against your religion to make an actual voice comm?"

 

"I have no religion. And this is efficient." She rolled her eyes at him. "I'm not going to comm you by voice every time I need a quick answer."

 

"Well aware." She'd been a heavy text user when she was his exec. At least she'd never used it when they were seated right next to each other unless they were planning a surprise party for someone on the bridge.

 

She put the padd down and snuggled next to him. "They're coming on Saturday. So either things will go so badly I'll want to stay here forever."

 

"Or...?"

 

"Or I think I want to go back to the ship on Sunday. Is that too soon?"

 

"No." He frowned.

 

"Hey, if it is, we can stay here longer. I don't want to—"

 

"I need your advice."

 

"Okay."

 

"I've been thinking that when we get back..." God, he couldn't believe he was going to say this, but the dream he'd had was haunting him a little. "I think I may go out to Chateau Picard and uh..."

 

"Beard the lion in his den?"

 

"I need to tell him I forgive him—for being Locutus. But first I want him to give me a goddamn nod or something for what I did for him. Even if I was a dick the whole time."

 

"Do you want me to come with you?"

 

"Yes, but I need to do the thing with him alone."

 

"Okay."

 

He pulled her closer so he could kiss her. "Do you think it's stupid? It was so long ago...maybe he'll tell me to shove my forgiveness and—"

 

"I don't think it's stupid. And I think you're doing this for yourself, not for him, so who cares what he says? You'll have said what you needed to."

 

"I had this dream. I was back on the Constance and you were there. You told me to be nice to him."

 

"And you actually listened?" She was laughing softly.

 

"Fuck you." But he was laughing too. "I did. I gave him a hug. Pretty sure I won't be doing that in real life. Have you ever hugged him?"

 

"I don't think so. You have my permission to not hug him."

 

"He's not very huggable."

 

"No." She laughed and rubbed his nose with hers. "You, on the other hand..."

 

"Are very huggable?"

 

"And lovable. And fuckable."

 

"And arguable. With."

 

She cackled. "Especially that." She kissed him tenderly for a long time and he rolled to his side and put his leg over hers, pulling her into him, as close as he could get with their clothes still on.

 

"What do you want to do today?" he asked.

 

"Go to Dungeness. Eat crab. But not just yet." She pushed him to his back and was clearly going to take advantage of him when her padd chirped.

 

She slid off him when she glanced at the screen, and hurried to pick it up. "It's the tech from the test."

 

"Do you want me to leave?"

 

She shook her head, sat up cross legged, and answered in video mode. "Hello."

 

"Captain Seven." The man's voice was shaking. "Do you have time to talk?"

 

"I do."

 

"I wanted to talk about the test—more specifically about what I was doing while you were stuck in it."

 

"Okay. Has HR finished its investigation?"

 

He laughed. "HR? Finish something this fast? Uh, no."

 

Shaw had to bite back a laugh at that. Seven's expression didn't change.

 

"I need to back up, all the way to Frontier Day. If that's all right, ma'am?"

 

She nodded.

 

"My kid sister Jenny was between assignments and was staying with us on home leave. My seven-year-old daughter Abbie, who adores her aunt, saw her change that day."

 

Shaw closed his eyes.

 

"Jenny didn't try to assimilate us. I'm not sure if that was even something they could do since it wasn't the normal type of assimilation for them, right?"

 

"Right. They couldn't. It's why they were killing people instead of assimilating."

 

Shaw wondered if the queen would have eventually changed that. The idea gave him the fucking creeps.

 

"She told Abbie she'd be back for her, that she'd be put into some kind of maturing chamber, whatever that is."

 

Seven's hand stole out for his and he held on tightly. "I'm familiar with those."

 

"Then Jenny left and we barricaded the house and just waited. Abbie..." His voice cracked, like he was tearing up. "She has nightmares. She was terrified of her aunt, but we thought it important—once Jenny turned back—to keep her in the house with us for the rest of her leave, to let Abbie see she wasn't going to hurt her and I think they're going to be okay. We went to family therapy—all of us. It's better now except she has nightmares and then she won't go back to sleep. Usually her mom stays up with her but she was at a conference so I did. For three nights in a row—I think Abbie was worse because her mom was gone." He sighed. "The reason I didn't get you out sooner, was that I fell asleep. The sessions are recorded. I don't know why anyone isn't talking to me about dereliction of duty—other than they know my story. But...I should have gotten you out so much sooner. And I'm so sorry I didn't."

 

Seven's grip on his hand tightened, and he tried to assess if she believed the guy. Just listening to him, the emotion in his voice, he did.

 

"It couldn't have helped that I was Borg," Seven finally said gently.

 

"Ma'am, you're part of what saved us. That makes what I did worse, not okay."

 

"I was assimilated as a child. I remember the terror I felt when they came for me. I fully understand what Abbie's going through. And how hard it must be for you and your wife. And your sister."

 

He nodded. "But I left you in there so long."

 

She looked over at Shaw, their eyes meeting, hers so soft and gentle. "You did. And because you did, I have something now I might not have otherwise. I'm not going to push for disciplinary measures."

 

"Thank you, ma'am."

 

"If you ever want me to come over and talk to Abbie—if you think that would be helpful. Let me know."

 

"That's very generous of you. I'll ask our therapist next week what she thinks of that."

 

"Roger that. Anything else?"

 

"No, ma'am. Just, again, I'm so, so very sorry."

 

"Accepted. Seven out." And she ended the call and put her padd down. "That wasn't what I expected."

 

"You think you should tell Raffi that?"

 

She shook her head. "It was a story that I resonate with. If it's true, she'll find out. If it's not, she'll find out."

 

"She's a mother, Seven. She's gonna resonate too. Don't you think a heads up on what you found out—"

 

She shook her head. "You don't know her once she's on the scent. She will get to the bottom of this. But, I really hope he's not lying."

 

"Me too."

 

##

 

Seven cracked crab with an intensity she could tell was slightly terrifying to Liam. She remembered this, though. From when she was a kid. She wasn't sure of when—no memory came back. Except the muscle memory of how to crack, break, and then eat.

 

She ignored the butter he was happily dipping his in and just enjoyed the sweet tender flesh.

 

"Good thing we got the extra one to split," he said with a grin as he dished up some more cole slaw.

 

They were at a picnic table on the deck of the restaurant, facing the huge spit and lighthouse at Dungeness. The breeze was lovely, the air smelled like the sea, and there were a few other couples and families on the deck and in the restaurant but not so many it felt like they had to rush.

 

"Did you see all the pies they had in that rotating case?" he asked.

 

She nodded with a smile.

 

"Blackberry cobbler warmed up with ice cream is so fucking good."

 

"And you can have that. I like key lime."

 

"Certainly your prerogative." He flinched as she took on an especially tough claw. "Are you cracking that or assassinating it?"

 

"There's no right way."

 

"I think there actually is."

 

She rolled her eyes and dug out the lump from inside the claw. "Mmmmm."

 

As she determined the next part to attack, a little boy left his table at the end of the deck, walked over to theirs, pulled himself up next to Seven, and said, "Hi."

 

"Well, hello."

 

"My parents have no idea how to get the crabs open and you clearly do."

 

Liam coughed. When the kid didn't look over, he said, "I can also show you."

 

"She's better at it than you, Mister."

 

She couldn't hold her cackle back and the kid grinned.

 

"Can you come show us?"

 

"I can." She wiped her hands and got up. "Do not eat that second one without me, Liam."

 

"Wouldn't dream of it."

 

As they walked to the other table, the boy said, "My name's Michael. What's yours?"

 

"Seven."

 

"That's a number, not a name."

 

She stopped and put her hands on her hips, the way she used to with Icheb. "Do you want my help or don't you?"

 

"Fine, it's a name. Kind of a dumb one, though."

 

"Yes, my friend would agree with you." She smiled at his family, who all sat with crabs and looked lost.

 

The mom took in her implants but the dad seemed to just want to learn the technique for cracking crab. Once she got them going, she went back to Liam.

 

"I could have showed them."

 

"Yeah, yeah." She laughed softly. "The guy didn't even notice my implants."

 

"Hon', the guy noticed them, and everything else about you. He just didn't want to piss off his wife."

 

"No, he seemed really intent on the crab." She frowned at him. "I can tell when I'm being ogled."

 

"You thought I never ogled you."

 

He had a point. "Don't spoil my moment. That kid was a cutie."

 

"He was."

 

"I'm revising my age limit for the kids we adopt as slave labor on our oyster farm."

 

He chuckled. "Berries and Shit Farm and Goat Yoga."

 

"You changed the name?"

 

"Classing up the joint I'm not, but Pearl Beyond Price sounds like we're bragging."

 

"Also, no pearls. People might claim false advertising."

 

"Right, that. I read up on local oysters and you might find one every now and then but not reliably." He pulled the bucket with the crab over and they divided up the extra legs. "If you were fascinated by pearls, do you like to wear them?"

 

"I like the big Tahitian ones. Although I hardly ever wear my jewelry."

 

"Yeah, I don't remember you ever wearing anything but those gold hoop earrings. Well, you can wear your pearls for me once we're on the ship."

 

"You want to see me in a fancy dress?"

 

His eyes got very intense. "I don't recall mentioning clothing for this scenario."

 

She loved how he was making her feel. Aroused and amused all at once. "You sure didn't, did you?"

 

"Nope." He took his time cracking open a leg. "Something to look forward to once we're onboard."

 

##

 

They decided not to hike the spit—which his padd told him was one of the longest in the world and made their spit look like a wimp—to the lighthouse, choosing instead to check out some of the lavender farms. Most of the plants would be on their last blooms, if that, but their server had told them about a farm that had a biodome where the plants grew year round.

 

As they walked into the biodome, the scent of lavender assailed him. "Wow."

 

She took his hand, her hold gentle. "Yeah. Wow."

 

They wandered the rows of plants, all different varieties—some that his padd didn't recognize and when he checked the information card, had only recently been developed.

 

She was looking at another card. "This place is a lab as well as a farm." She leaned in to smell the flowers. "They all are subtly different."

 

She let go of his hand and walked over to the display about how the lab worked, and he decided to wander over to the gift shop because his mom loved lavender anything. He bought a candle and some soap and then wandered some more, eventually finding Seven deep into the rows of flowers with no one around them.

 

Pulling her close, he kissed her, and she wrapped her arms around his neck and laughed into his mouth. He eased away. "What?"

 

"I love you. And it makes me happy."

 

"I love you too. But for me, it's sort of a bummer." He laughed at her expression. "Oops, no sex for me tonight." He pulled her back, kissed her in a way that he hoped would let her know how very, very happy she really did make him.

 

"So what did you buy?" she asked once he let her go.

 

"Stuff for my mom. Who you are going to meet."

 

"I don't get to meet your dad?"

 

"Well, yeah, of course. But he's not into lavender." He gave her a mock scowl. "You cannot expect me to be mentally with it after kissing you. You just can't."

 

Her smile was a very pleased one. "You forget how to think?"

 

He nodded. "And talk. And do math."

 

"Square root of 4,761?"

 

"Sixty-nine. Hardly a challenge though. Ever wise-ass boy taking math asks about that one."

 

"Some girls too." She grinned. "Although not me since I had no idea what that was and my teachers were my parents."

 

"Oh, we didn't ask our teachers about that one either because our teachers were nuns. We asked the older kids." He grinned at her expression. "Which you couldn't. So you had no childhood crushes?"

 

"I did. But they weren't people I saw more than once generally. We only stopped to resupply as we followed the Borg around. Plus I was six."

 

"I had a crush on my babysitter at six. Her name was Loretta and she was everything my little boy's heart could want."

 

"How old was this Loretta? Am I going to have to take her on?"

 

He laughed. "No. She was about forty back then. I don't actually know if she's still alive. Her husband was transferred when I was eight and I never saw her again."

 

"Were you heartbroken?"

 

"No, by eight I believed girls had cooties, an idea I would not get over until I was about thirteen."

 

"Who was your first girlfriend?"

 

"Lacey Michaels. Long blonde hair. So hot. I was fourteen."

 

"So was that your first kiss?"

 

"Oh, God no. Lacey Michaels had no idea I was alive." He laughed at her expression. "I just firmly believed she should be my first girlfriend."

 

"Dipshit."

 

"Like I said." He put his arm around her. "Ready to go?"

 

"I want to get a bouquet to have for when Kathryn and Chakotay come."

 

She picked blooms from a bunch of varieties and then was checking out the vases.

 

"We can just use a glass."

 

"If they're still pretty on Saturday, I want to give them to Kathryn. I think your cousin would appreciate me not giving away one of his glasses."

 

"True." He held the flowers for her as she spent way too long deciding on a vase.

 

She finally held up two different ones and just because he knew her, he pointed to the one he liked least.

 

"You're sure?"

 

"Yep."

 

Sure enough, she put that one back on the shelf and kept the other one. He gave her back the flowers and said, "Brat."

 

"The one I kept was your favorite, not the one you pointed to."

 

"Says who?"

 

"Says your body language. You shook your head rather than nodded when you said, 'Yep.' Unconscious mixed message." She rolled her eyes at him and walked off to pay.

 

Fuck, she was hot. And had he really done that?

 

When she rejoined him, he said, "Learned that in Ranger school, huh?"

 

"There is no Ranger school."

 

"Still... And not every culture nods for yes."

 

"True. But you do."

 

"I could have been fucking with you."

 

"You were fucking with me. You think I'm contrary so you picked the one you didn't like so I'd pick the one you did. But I picked the one you did, because you're a shit liar." She laughed at his expression. "You're an open book now. No mystery. I think I'm done with you."

 

"A mean brat."

 

She cackled. "Let's go home. I'll make it up to you."

 

"I'm gonna hold you to that."

 

"You can hold me any way you like, Commodore Shaw." She leaned in, whispered in his ear, "Nothing is off the table. At least for discussion."

 

Some parts of him reacted immediately to that. "Nothing?"

 

"Not a goddamned thing. Tell me I'm a brat now, mister."

 

And she sauntered out of the biodome and he just stood there, smiling like a goddamned idiot.

 

The woman who'd rung him up came out and stood next to him. "New love?"

 

"She's everything." He realized she was holding another bouquet. White but they smelled like the purple lavender.

 

"For her. Surprise her. They're rare."

 

"Like her." He nodded. "Thank you."

 

"Thank you for visiting."

 

He hurried out to the flitter and handed Seven the bouquet then climbed inside. "My lady."

 

"Awww. This is so sweet."

 

"I wish I could claim credit, but it was from the woman who rang us up."

 

She gave him a very sweet kiss as the flitter rose and headed home. "I like that you're honest."

 

"I like that you're you."

 

"I like that you're you too."

 

"God damn we're sappy."

 

She laughed gently. "I really don't mind."

 

"Yeah, me neither."

 

 

 

 

 

 

10.

 

Seven showed Janeway and Chakotay around the cabin, then Chakotay went out to the front yard where Liam was playing with the dogs, leaving her and Kathryn alone. "I turned on the barrier—there isn't much traffic on this road as I imagine there used to be—but there is the occasional vehicle. I don't want them to get hurt."

 

"Thank you, Seven." Kathryn sounded as stiff and nervous as she felt.

 

Their men on the other hand seemed to be copacetic as they sat with the dogs.

 

"Irish setters," Kathryn said. "I can finally have them again."

 

She glanced at her. "You could have before. Ever since we landed."

 

"It took me a while to give up hope of a ship. Even when it was clear I wasn't going to get one. A dog would have..." Kathryn shook her head as she went to sniff the lavender, which still looked beautiful. "Wow, these are amazing."

 

"We got them in Sequim. I got the purple bouquet for you."

 

Kathryn glanced at her with a surprised and pleased smile. "What if I want the white one?"

 

"It's mine."

 

"Oh, Seven. If only we'd talked to each other that way on the ship about a certain person." She sighed.

 

"Agreed."

 

"Well, I love the purple ones. I'll put them on my desk and they can remind me that someday you and Shaw will be coming home."

 

"We're coming home tomorrow." She felt it inside her. She didn't care how this day went. It was time to go home—to her ship. Her ship.

 

Kathryn stared at her. "Tomorrow?"

 

"Yeah. You're free to have Troi read me but I will never take that test again."

 

"And I would never ask you to. But I will ask Troi to certify you for duty. It might help you to know that test won't be deployed. Not until Starfleet Medical figures out the common denominator between you and Shimoto."

 

"Starfleet Medical? Not Raffi and the Doctor?"

 

Her smile was wry. "Oh, I'm sorry, did Shaw not want the Doctor on his very special project? And on your ship?"

 

Seven laughed. "He's salivating at the idea."

 

"And I like the idea of him being there, just in case."

 

"Just in case...?"

 

"Anything? He's become more autonomous over the years. I've seen to that." She didn't look away, her gaze was unflinching. "The way I didn't see to things with you."

 

"Would you have really resigned?" It was something she'd never been sure of.

 

"I'd like to think I would have." Kathryn walked to the window, laughed at something that the men were doing. "But... What do you believe?"

 

"I believe neither. And both. When I was in need of a fairy godmother on a bad day, I'd think of you and know you would have resigned for me. I was that important to you. But on days I wanted to wallow..."

 

"I was the evil stepmother. I let you go." She turned. "I shoved you out, even?"

 

"Did you?"

 

"No, Seven. I did fight for you. But I was on shaky ground with Command back then. And you had Chakotay. I'm not sure I would have resigned. Not when I had nothing."

 

"You had everyone."

 

"Everyone but him."

 

"No. You had him too." She walked to her. "He was always with both of us. I never had him to myself. I do plan to talk to him about that today."

 

"And I plan to grill Shaw on his intentions." She laughed. "Which will involve fun nicknames and copious swearing, no doubt, on his part. What's he calling Chakotay?"

 

"Chakotay."

 

"What would he have called him if you hadn't told him not to." She grinned in a utterly knowing way.

 

"Chuckles."

 

Kathryn cracked up. "He would not like that."

 

"Yeah he has less of a sense of humor about himself than one might guess."

 

"I don't find that."

 

"You didn't let me finish. Except with you. He could laugh at himself with you. I saw it, on the ship. I saw the lack of it with me."

 

"I was so jealous of you, Seven. You were young, and beautiful, and innocent. I thought he'd be happy with you—the way he seemed to be in the alternate universe that the older me told us about."

 

"That him lost me. And you were farther away from him on the ship than you ever were once we got back. Sitting right next to each other, there was so much distance. I understand that now." She touched Kathryn's hand. "I'm happy now. With my captain. I'm glad he's happy with his."

 

Kathryn pulled her in for a hug, one that went on for a lot longer than Seven expected. Then she heard a sob and eased away, saw that Kathryn was crying. "I'm sorry, Seven. I could have come and gotten you at any point once I made Fleet Commander. And I didn't."

 

She brushed her tears away, as if she was the mother and Kathryn her child. "And I could have come to you at any point once you made Fleet Commander. And I didn't."

 

"You kept track of me?"

 

"No. But I had messages coming in from a lot of people from the ship. Urging me to come home. And I chose to stay out there."

 

"Because you were looking for Icheb's killer?"

 

"It became my only purpose."

 

"Having had a single purpose, having pushed people I cared about away for that purpose, I can only commiserate." She wiped her eyes. "Look at me. What a crybaby."

 

Seven laughed gently.

 

"Oh and the tech running the test?"

 

Seven nodded.

 

"He wasn't malicious."

 

"Was he negligent?" She kept her expression clear.

 

Kathryn. "Yes."

 

"Will he be written up for it?"

 

She sighed. "It's very complicated."

 

"No, it's not. He reached out to me a few days ago. He told me about his daughter. I offered to talk to her, one little girl terrified by the Borg to another, if he thought it might help."

 

"That was kind of you, Seven."

 

"I am kind." She realized she was starting to cry but made no attempt to stop the tears. "He's checking with their family therapist. See if it would help or make things worse. I couldn't save Icheb, but I will help this one if they want me to. Not out of guilt. Because it's the right thing to do. And that's what Starfleet does, at its best. The right thing."

 

"Yes. It is."

 

"I'll try to remember that. As I'm beating the shit out of someone."

 

Kathryn laughed. "This side of you is more than a little terrifying."

 

"I learned from a Hirogen."

 

"You certainly did."

 

A burst of laughter sounded from outside.

 

"Good God, do you think they're getting along?"

 

"I wouldn't put it past them. Until one of us indicates that we're pissed. Then they'll revert to being champions."

 

"My angry warrior." At Seven's confused look, she smiled and shook her head. "And your knight in slightly tarnished armor. Nothing was going to stop him from taking you out of Starfleet Command that day. I could have tried, but I did not want to see what he would do for you. Or you for him."

 

So many things she could have said to that. But she went with one of Liam's favorite sayings: "Good call."

 

##

 

Shaw threw the ball as far down the spit as he could without sending the dogs into the mud.

 

"I thought there'd be water."

 

"Yeah, Katie-Kate, there's this thing called tides..."

 

"I grew up in the Midwest."

 

"So did I. Lame excuse."

 

"But you had the lake."

 

He couldn't argue with that so he waited for the dogs to come back, then threw the ball again.

 

"So you haven't called Chakotay a funny name."

 

"Nope."

 

"Seven ask you not to? Seeing as how she wanted to talk to him alone?"

 

"Maybe." He jogged out to where the dogs were waiting, apparently tired of retrieving.

 

She kept up with him, not even losing her balance in the loose pebbles. "What's his nickname?"

 

"Not going to tell you. If those two can get their shit together and we all end up best buds, I'll pull it out for grins. But I know you're not missing that me and your man and me and you are hitting if off way better than those two are."

 

"And Seven and I as well. We had a really good talk."

 

"I'm glad."

 

"You really are, aren't you? And not because I'm the CINC and good for both of your careers. But because you want her to be happy."

 

He turned to meet her eyes. "I do want her to be happy. But if I ever think you're bad for her, I'll do my best to keep her far, far away from you both."

 

"Are you threatening me, Liam?"

 

"Nope. Just dropping a truth bomb."

 

"You're more than a little annoying, Shaw."

 

He laughed. "I know. Isn't it great?"

 

"Well, as long as she's happy."

 

"How long you going to let me stay on her ship?" He settled into the sandiest part of the spit—which was still pretty rocky but he could pretend with the best of them.

 

"As long as she wants you there. I've been toying with the idea of reinstituting Fleet Captains once the project is done, and I can see you as one. You'll need to be on a ship. Might as well be hers. Unless she gets sick of you and then I'll throw you back to B'Elanna, who is very sad to have lost you."

 

"I really liked working for her."

 

"For the nanosecond you actually did?"

 

"You and I both know you can find out what you need to know about a person mighty fast after a crisis." He laughed as one of the dogs crawled into his lap.

 

"They think they're Shih Tzus, I swear." She grinned as the other one crawled into hers. "So I'm approving the Doctor for your project."

 

"Thank you." He grinned broadly. "It's really hard to think of him as a hologram."

 

"Believe me, I know. But he is and he may someday be an important safeguard."

 

"We're on the same page. As is Seven, I'm sure." Hell, she was probably pages ahead of them. He was pretty sure neither he or Kathryn would have put the chef at the helm—they'd have taken it themselves.

 

Seven saw potential. He'd seen that when she was his first officer. Had mentored some crew out of "may be off this ship soon" into decent performers.

 

"I feel ridiculous asking you this, since it's clear you're head over heels for her, but what are your intentions toward my friend and possibly surrogate daughter?"

 

He met her eyes. "I'm going to make her happy. I'm going to try not to piss her off, but it's us and we love arguing so can't promise that. I'm going to be grateful every goddamn day that she chose my ship to be first officer on so I got to know her that way, a way that she could actually slip under the walls I've built." He grinned, the full, crooked grin. "I'm going to fucking marry her."

 

"Does she know that?" Her laugh was gentle and kind of delighted.

 

"She does. And she's already said yes. Or rather that she's going to say yes when I do ask her. Which won't be right away. I don't want anyone saying she got the ship because she was fucking me."

 

"I really like you, Liam Shaw. And were you really getting along with Chakotay or was that just for my benefit?"

 

"We mainly just talked about the dogs—and the dog shows he's apparently showing them at?"

 

"He's really good at it. Has the right touch, looks good in the ring with them. Molly here is finished but he's still working on Dexter's championship. They aren't related so when they're both finished, we'll have some pups."

 

"He didn't mention that. I wish we could have dogs on the ship. Picard had that cat for Data."

 

"And Archer had his beagle. I know, believe me."

 

"Well, when we're done with ships, maybe you can sell us a puppy."

 

"I'm not sure you two could afford one."

 

He laughed, thinking of Seven's credit balance. "Pretty sure you're wrong."

 

"At any rate, I'd give one to Seven and you."

 

"Runt of the litter I bet."

 

"Oh of course. Or not the runt but pet quality, not a show dog. I'm generous but I'm not an idiot."

 

"No idiot could have gotten Voyager home, Admiral." He used the title out of respect.

 

He could see by her smile she understood that.

 

##

 

Seven bustled around the kitchen, cleaning up from lunch as Chakotay leaned against the wall and watched her.

 

"You've changed," he finally said.

 

"Yes, I'm older."

 

"I was speaking of the command presence." He moved closer. "Can I help?"

 

"I'd rather you didn't."

 

He sighed. As dramatically as he ever had while they were living together. "Are we never going to get past this?"

 

"Past what?"

 

"Seven—Annika—"

 

"I don't go by that name. Not anymore." Not since Bjayzl.

 

"My mistake."

 

"That sums up so much about us. Why did you pursue me? If you were never going to love me? That's what I can't get past."

 

"Really?" There was a note in his voice she wasn't used to.

 

She put the last dish away and turned to face him.

 

"Seven, you've been a first officer. You know how much reach we have. Including checking into holodeck programs if it appears they are being...abused."

 

"You had no right." She knew she was blushing.

 

"I had every right. Especially after the Doctor couldn't bring himself to tell me what program you were running when you collapsed. I thought you'd replicated a cube, that you wanted to go back to the Borg. And if you wanted that, we were in danger."

 

"Oh." That actually did make sense.

 

He moved closer. "I didn't even like you that much. Until I met the me you clearly did like."

 

She swallowed hard and way too visibly.

 

"Seven, he had so many nice things to tell me about you. About how sweet you were, how kind, how talented, how—"

 

"How fucking innocent."

 

"He left that word out. Constrained is how he put it. Blocked." He looked down. "And you were. The dampener. That you chose to have removed. Why? Were you missing holographic me? It didn't take you long to be conveniently in my path on the ship when before you weren't."

 

He wasn't wrong. She'd pursued him while trying to look like she wasn't.

 

"Maybe I wasn't the only one in love with someone they couldn't have. Only at least my person existed."

 

"You're trying to tell me you never fucked a holographic Kathryn?"

 

"I'm not trying. I am telling you that. It wouldn't be her. I knew that." He paced from the stove to the kitchen. "I was never going to be enough for you because I could never be him. The me you created."

 

"I modeled him on you."

 

"But he wasn't me. And I knew it going in. And you knew I loved Kathryn. And I thought that made it all right. We both loved Icheb. We were sexually compatible. We had shared experiences."

 

"If you'd known how soon we were going to get home...?"

 

"I'd have never let it start. What we had, Seven, was a lie. A lie we both tried to maintain, but not very hard."

 

"I tried. I loved you."

 

"Did you? Or was I the only thing you thought you had left even though everyone was still there for you, even if they were in Starfleet and you weren't. You had other options. Wanting me to stay with you and give up my future was too much."

 

"I wanted you to stay with me and build one."

 

He nodded. "I know. But it was never going to happen. I see you with Shaw. I see how you settle down when he touches you, how he does the same when you touch him. How often you smile at each other without, I think, realizing it. I wish you could have met him instead of me, but that's not what happened."

 

She realized she was in no danger of crying. What he was saying hurt like hell—but it was the truth.

 

"Kathryn wants all of us to be friends. Can we try? I know you and Kathryn had a good talk. I could see it in her eyes. And Shaw's a good man. I like him. I'm sure Kathryn is having fun with him. Are you and I going to be the roadblock that keeps you away from her? She loves you."

 

"Do you?"

 

"You know I never wanted you to be on the ship. I was wrong, for the record. But I wasn't in your corner for a long time. I do love you, Seven, but not like she does. Not like your parent."

 

"You're like the creepy uncle."

 

His laugh was full of frustration warring with amusement. "Again, you started it with that holodeck program. You put yourself on my radar and then in my path when I tried to avoid you."

 

"So this is all my fault?"

 

"It obviously takes two to tango. But I'm tired of being the sole villain in this."

 

She exhaled slowly. "I want to be in Kathryn's life. And I have Liam. You and I...we're not friends."

 

"No. We're not."

 

"But we can play nice. For their sake."

 

He nodded.

 

She pushed past him when she heard barking, hurried out to the porch and to the dogs and Kathryn and Liam.

 

To where it was warm and safe and she didn't have to feel so fucking alone.

 

##

 

Shaw closed his eyes, drinking in the silence that filled the cabin now that Kathryn and Chakotay and their gorgeous dogs had left. One more night. One more night and then they'd be back, where life was so much more confusing.

 

Except—why was it so fucking quiet? Where the hell was Seven?

 

He saw that the attic door was ajar so he climbed up the stairs and saw Seven sitting on the bed. She patted it.

 

"What's going on?"

 

"If I'd had a normal life, gone to school, had friends, I imagine my first time might have been in a place like this."

 

He wasn't sure what to say. It was warmer in the attic than downstairs in the bedrooms, but still, were the spiders suddenly not a thing? Also, he didn't like her expression, or how her voice sounded. "Let's go downstairs."

 

"No. I don't want Chakotay to have been my first." She practically spit his name out.

 

"Then consider Axum your first."

 

"I can't remember sex with him. And it happened in my mind. He never touched my body." She began to pull off her top. "We've been role-playing shit this whole time. Why not this? Let's overwrite what was."

 

She was almost manic, her tone, her eyes. "Let's not." He turned to go.

 

"Why the fuck not?"

 

He stopped but didn't turn around. "Because I don't fucking want to."

 

Her laugh was cruel and bitter and it cut him all the way to his heart. "Of course you don't. Because you probably had some lovely time with flowers and music and actual love. And God forbid you replace that with me."

 

He turned to look at her.

 

"I really can't blame you. I wouldn't want me either if I'd had something nice." She started to get up, and he knew she was going to storm past him.

 

"Sit. Down." It was the voice he hadn't managed on the bridge when he'd dismissed her. It was the voice he'd always wished he could use on her but guilt over how he'd treated her had kept him from doing it. And later the pain from being betrayed.

 

But this time he found that voice, and she sat immediately.

 

He took a step away from her. "You want to know about my first time? I was seventeen. I'd finally grown into my features and shot up in height and girls were actually noticing me. One of my cousins was having a party because my aunt and uncle were out of town. It was summer so it was kids from all over. I was so fucking drunk."

 

She seemed to be letting go of her rage. And she didn't interrupt him.

 

"This girl noticed me. And she and I were kissing and it was, I think, pretty sloppy. Because I was new at it and as stated, so fucking drunk." He was back in his cousin's basement. The music pounding. The booze flowing. The girl pressed against him.

 

"She wanted to go upstairs, so we did. My aunt and uncle's room. And we got naked and I was so ready for her—I thought." He closed his eyes, remembering how his dick—which seemed to want to rise at any embarrassing occasion back then—totally refused to get more then semi hard. "I uh...I tried to fuck her but I couldn't really get in because I wasn't hard enough. And she was trying to help, God love her. She was saying super nice things and putting her hand around me and I wanted to. But..."

 

He closed his eyes. "So I climbed off and decided to go down on her even though I had no idea where the clit even was. And then the booze really caught up with me and..."

 

"You threw up on her?"

 

"Thank fuck, no. I did manage to get to the side of the bed and puke all over my aunt and uncle's floor though." It hadn't been carpeting at least. "I've never actually seen anyone pull on clothes as fast as she did. And then she was gone, and I locked the bedroom door and went into the bathroom and spent the next twenty minutes vomiting and then an hour cleaning up. And then I unlocked the door, but escaped out their window so I wouldn't have to see her."

 

She started to talk but he held up his hand and she waited.

 

"The girl was off to this expensive camp on the East Coast and she left the next day. I didn't have to go to school or to my summer job and find out what insulting nickname a guy who can't get it up and vomits during sex gets. That was the best part of my first time."

 

"It wasn't just some girl, was it?"

 

He shook his head. It'd been Lacey Michaels. And when he met Seven's eyes, he could tell she knew it.

 

"Most people's first time sucks, Sev. If you thought you were loved, if you felt good, if you felt beautiful and sexy, then count your blessings. Because it took me a year before I wanted to try again. And it was with an older girl who was very patient." He moved to the stairs, climbed down, but stopped while he could still see her. "You want to play high school someday when you aren't mad as fuck at Chakotay, I'm in. You can be a cheerleader or student body president or a fucking mathlete: I'm game. But not tonight." He shook his head as he swallowed hard and left her up there.

 

Going into the bathroom, he stood at the sink, staring into the mirror, feeling the pain of that boy, the humiliation. How afraid he'd been that this was going to be his life with sex—a non life, a life of fucking up.

 

He heard Seven coming and then she was behind him, arms wrapped around him, her head pressed hard into his back.

 

"I'm sorry, Liam."

 

He turned and pulled her close, burying his face in her hair, letting her perfume draw him back from that memory.

 

"Part of the test..." She held on tighter. "Part of the test was me trying to make Chakotay love me. Over and over. I thought it was me. I thought if I acted differently, dressed differently, became something else... He walked out every time. I am like my parents in some crucial ways. I'm so stubborn and I don't like to lose. I was...desired on that ship. There were men and women who would have treasured me. But I had to go after the thing that would hurt me. Like they went after the Borg, thinking they had control. Thinking they could actually win."

 

He tipped her chin up and kissed her deeply, trying to make up for the pain they'd both felt. Not just those first times—all their lives.

 

She eased away and took his hand gently, drawing him with her to their mattress. Taking his clothes off and waiting as he took hers off. He searched her eyes for any trace of a game and saw none. This was just them, just their love.

 

So as she sank down, as he followed her, he gave himself over to her, letting go of the boy who'd cried the whole way home. Hoping she was letting go of the woman who'd no doubt cried but only once Chakotay was out of the house, never letting him know how much he'd hurt her. Because that was who they were: survivors.

 

"I love you." She traced his face as they lay still, curled together, sated and soft and warm under the covers.

 

"I love you too."

 

"I'm sorry. I really am."

 

"I thought you two were okay."

 

"We were pretending. It's how we'll be from here on out. Unless maybe, with time, but..."

 

"You can pretend. It's okay. Or we don't even need to see them."

 

"I want to, though. I want to see her and he's part of the package." She gave him a quick kiss. "We'll figure it out. And I'll have you."

 

"Yes, you will." He shifted and asked, "Do you want some wine?"

 

"Yes, please. I can't believe I was willing to brave spiders up there. I really was out of my mind." She gave him a sheepish smile. "We don't ever have to play high school—"

 

"Oh, I think it sounds fun. Just not tonight."

 

She nodded.

 

He went out and poured the wine, wondering how he'd missed that things were not really fine between her and Chakotay.

 

He kind of loved that he'd missed it. She'd worn her emotions on her face so often when she'd first started as his first officer. Now she was learning how to hide them—the way a captain often had to.

 

Once he was settled back against the couch cushion, sipping his wine, she said, "You were having so much fun with the dogs. I didn't realize you liked them."

 

"They were amazing. I know setters aren't for herding goats, but I want one when we have our farm."

 

"I think if our goats are going to be doing yoga with people, they will be tame enough they won't need a herder. So you can have a setter."

 

"Or two?"

 

She laughed and nodded.

 

"I'm going to be sorry to let go of the idea of Berries and Shit Farm."

 

"Why let it go?" She snuggled in against him.

 

"Because while I know we could retire and have one, I'd want to have it here. And we can't afford here."

 

She pulled his face to her and kissed him gently. "Yes, we can."

 

"No, darling, we can't. Not even with your lovely credit line." He sighed. "And eventually my cousins might sell so we won't even be able to rent it."

 

"Tell them we want right of first refusal."

 

"Yeah, right. He knows I don't have the kind of money."

 

"We'll send them earnest money. Show them we're serious."

 

He sighed.

 

"Liam"—she took his face in her hands, her eyes dancing—"do you really think I'd put even half my money in a credit account that is as easy to hack as Starfleet's is?" She smiled in a truly delicious way when he began to grin.

 

"How much consulting did you do?"

 

"So much consulting. So much." She whispered in his ear. "I want this place. I want it for us. Do you think your cousins would sell it?"

 

He reached for his padd and sent a text to his cousin, letting Seven see the screen. Hey, you ever think of selling this place?

 

Yeah, when we found out we couldn't add a house on the property in the back. Note to self: do your research before you buy. Why? You know someone who wants it?

 

I might. I'll get back to you. What are you thinking of listing it at? He turned to her. "Are we buying it as us or do you also own some mystery corporation?"

 

She laughed. "As us."

 

"Yeah, that doesn't mean you don't have a mystery corporation."

 

She shrugged and looked anything but innocent.

 

His padd buzzed with an amount that was way lower than he expected. "They must make a ton on the rental fees. Pays the mortgage and then some."

 

"Do you want this place, Liam?"

 

He nodded.

 

"Ask him if he'll continue to run the rental, that the buyer you know might not be up for doing that."

 

"We could run the rental."

 

"Trust me on this. We want them to."

 

"Okay." He keyed in the question. The reply was back immediately. "They'd want ten percent of any rental for dealing with all the bullshit."

 

"We'll counter with five. Settle on seven. But not right now. Tell him goodbye."

 

He did and put his padd down as she got up, grabbed some towels from the bathroom, pulled him up and led him down the stairs and out to the yard. "Uhhhh?"

 

"It's our last night. We're going swimming."

 

"Should we trademark our farm name?"

 

"Fine. And quit stalling." They walked to the edge of the water, gingerly made their way along the small pebbles then crouched and gently floated out over the more hazardous rocks and barnacles.

 

"It's colder than it was the first time." But he set out at a nice steady crawl, could hear her next to him, not competing for first and he remembered that swimming wasn't as natural for her as it was for him since she'd learned as an adult. But she held her own.

 

As always.

 

As they dog paddled in a warm spot they'd found, he asked, "Is the name a good name?"

 

"Berries and Shit and Goat Yoga? Who wouldn't want to visit that farm?" She headed back into shore and he could hear the eye roll in her voice.

 

"I'd stop there. Just to see what the fuck they sell."

 

"Well clearly they sell Berries and Shit and Goat Yoga."

 

"Yeah but is the shit from the goats, or is it the more generic 'other stuff' definition?"

 

She was already out of the water. "These are not the questions you want tourists asking."

 

He floated in carefully and stood, taking the towel she held up, then hurrying after her into the cabin. "I think it'll set us apart."

 

"It will definitely do that."

 

He started to grin. "I am, eventually, going to fuck you in the attic someday in the future."

 

"Says the man who just lost his one chance to fuck me up there."

 

"Oh, I'll have other chances."

 

"Only if you get rid of the spiders." She pulled him to her and began to towel him off.

 

"On the ship, when you were off duty, you had about five outfits."

 

"Yes." She clearly did not understand his conversational u-turn.

 

"And you never went on vacation during shore leave—or if you did, you were lying to me when you said you had no plans."

 

"I wasn't lying."

 

"So you don't spend any of your money?"

 

"I didn't know I was going to end up in Starfleet this late in life. I was making sure that I had the resources to retire, then after Icheb died, using some of it to bribe people to try to find Bjayzl. I also would give anonymously to the rangers when things got really bad."

 

"I love that."

 

"I have simple needs, Liam."

 

"I love that too."

 

"You, on the other hand, will no doubt want to start a comic book collection."

 

"Well our slave labor aka children are going to need some diversions." He studied her. "I'm only kind of kidding about the kids."

 

"I'm only kind of kidding about the comic books. But still a big fat no to spiders."

 

 

 

11.

 

Seven found herself fidgeting in the big chair and she knew Raffi was looking at her. "Sorry," she murmured and resolved to sit still.

 

She felt as if her body was here, on her ship, but her mind was somewhere between spacedock and the cabin.

 

The lift opened and she looked up from her padd. Liam and the Doctor walked out and she knew her grin was very wide as she said, "Commodore on the bridge."

 

Everyone rose, but instead of the steely faces of nervous officers, there were huge smiles.

 

"Well, hey, gang." His grin was as big as hers was. "Long time no see. Oh and as you were."

 

She could tell LaForge was barely stopping herself from launching at him, a huge hug no doubt in the works, but then she seemed to remember she was a lieutenant now, and composed herself and sat.

 

Seven glanced at Raffi who by her smile had clearly seen it too. "Good girl," Raffi murmured so low only Seven could hear her and she nodded almost imperceptibly.

 

"And this is the Doctor. After we talk to your glorious captain and first officer about all the processes and regulations and other shit we're going to be taking apart and hopefully putting together better, he will be coming around to your stations to familiarize himself with you and your duties, your likes, your dislikes, your childhood trauma..."

 

"Not the last one," the Doctor said, rolling his eyes at Liam, but in the way a good comedy team did. "Unless you feel it's relevant to the other things."

 

Everyone laughed.

 

Liam looked over at her, a question in his eyes. They'd talked about this moment and she'd told Raffi it might happen. She'd wanted to take the temperature of the bridge before she did it though.

 

It was a big statement. And one she couldn't take back. But what if Kathryn had done this with Chakotay? Just once? Would letting him in really have turned off her obsession with getting home, because Seven didn't think so. And it would have been good for the crew, to see them united, not having to play "Will they, won't they?" all the time.

 

She nodded at Liam, the way she used to during a mission, and he turned to the Doctor. "Doc, any regulation that says I can't kiss the captain of the ship I'm residing on but have no jurisdiction over?"

 

The Doctor had not been read in. Mostly because she and Liam had both thought he'd be more effective at his most acerbic. "While on duty?"

 

"Hell, yeah."

 

"I can think of several."

 

"Well"—he strode over to Seven and everyone on the bridge turned to watch—"fuck that." His grin was wicked, and she laughed as he pulled her to him.

 

It wasn't a chaste peck. It wasn't an embarrassing display. But she did put her arms around his neck and just enjoy finally being with him again.

 

The bridge crew actually applauded. She heard Raffi mutter, "Oh, for fuck's sake."

 

But she didn't care. It had been a few hours since she and Liam had breakfast but it felt like an eternity after spending all their time together. She knew they'd grow used to it, but for now, it just felt good to be touching him.

 

Then she pulled away and said, "Don't you deadbeats have a briefing to give me?"

 

"Well, I wouldn't call it a briefing."

 

"I did. When I scheduled the meeting. 'Commodore Shaw,' I said, 'Please be prepared to brief us.'"

 

"No, you said get you up to speed. The project hasn't started. The speed is sub impulse. I don't need slides for that."

 

"Slides are always nice." She was having a hard time keeping her face straight. But she thought the bridge crew had missed this: their epic arguments often over pretty much nothing.

 

"Do I get a voice in this?" The Doctor asked.

 

"No," she and Liam said together.

 

"This is how it's going to be? This kind of nonsense?" Raffi sounded so unimpressed. Then she looked around the bridge. "Oh my God, you all love it?"

 

The crew nodded as one.

 

Them Esmar said, "Except that one time when we were running from Vadic, when he was really mad at her and told her she was dismissed, which he does all the time but never means it and she never goes, but that time, he meant it, and none of us were sure if she would really leave and there was so much tension and it was already scary and..." They took a deep breath. "Yeah, that time."

 

"Yeah, that time sucked," Liam said, his eyes gentle as he smiled at them, then turned to Seven. "Let's not do that again."

 

"Well, come with slides and we'll see." She headed off to her ready room—she was not going to call it fucking Observation—and hoped the rest were following her. Was that what being a captain was? Walking off and praying you weren't doing it alone?

 

She'd sort of mastered that on Voyager so this should be a snap. Especially when she trusted the three following her with all her heart.

 

##

 

Shaw was in the quarters he was using as an office when his chime rang. "Come."

 

Raffi walked in followed by a young Romulan who had to be Elnor. Shaw could tell she was taking in the room, how it was set for business, his desk and a guest chair, a data table with chairs like the one in Observation, no personal items other than a few knives on the wall and some scenic photos he'd taken while they were at the cabin. He knew to some part of her it had to be a blow to realize he'd moved in directly to Seven's quarters. But she hid it well and he nodded as gently as he could to her.

 

"I'd like to introduce Ensign Elnor. The first Romulan to graduate from the Academy."

 

"And your son. Much to be proud of. Welcome aboard, Ensign. Although it only counts when the captain welcomes you." He winked.

 

"Hello, Commodore," Elnor said, his voice soothing.

 

"I hear you're going to allow me to be one of your mentors." He loved to put it that way, to make it clear the junior officers had some say in this.

 

"Sir, it's a privilege. Seven—the captain, I mean—is a tough grader when it comes to character."

 

"That she is. Unless it's Picard."

 

Raffi glared at him but he saw what he was looking for in Elnor. The look in his eyes that said he hadn't seen the man lately who should also be mentoring him instead of using him and abandoning him.

 

Repeatedly.

 

"Not that I don't understand the magnetism of the guy." He made sure his smile was not mocking. "I felt it firsthand. Gave my damn life for him."

 

"As did I. Only it was really more that I was standing in the wrong place when Seven's husband beamed in and fired."

 

"Could we not call him that?" Shaw said and Raffi muttered, "Amen."

 

"Did he have a name, though?"

 

Raffi shrugged. "The magistrate, I guess."

 

"That is a title, not a name. There may be multiple magistrates."

 

"We only met one in that universe."

 

"Still."

 

"Elnor, absolute candor has its place. Now is not it."

 

"On the contrary, Raffi. I'm known for speaking my mind. I like that he's already there. And God knows Jack is—although candor implies honesty so that may not apply to him."

 

Elnor looked down. "I have not yet met Picard's son. I imagine he is spending time with his father." The hurt was so clear.

 

"And you would be wrong on that, mate." Jack stood at the door and his voice was the same cocky tone but Shaw could hear the hurt in it too. "Permission to approach, Commodore Shaw?"

 

"Jesus, I'm not a judge, Crusher. And you're part of this shindig too so get over here. Let me see if Starfleet has made you any less of a reprobate." He grinned at him. "You two haven't met?"

 

They both shook their heads.

 

"Jack Crusher, ensign, meet Elnor, ensign. You are both my mentees. Also Matthew Mura's but he's on leave right now. When you meet him, you'll quickly realize he has all the heart and I have all the sarcasm and knowledge of regs. So between us, we'll have you covered."

 

Elnor nodded, but Jack turned to him. "He's selling himself short. He's a goddamned marvel with the engines, he's not afraid to say whatever the hell is on his mind, and he pretends to be a wanker but he cares about his people." He met Shaw's eyes. "All his people. Not just his chosen group. We're in good hands, mate."

 

"I believe you. Your passion for him is encouraging."

 

"Oh, we're going to hate his guts some days."

 

Elnor glanced at Shaw who nodded knowingly. "Oh."

 

"But I have ways around that." Jack winked.

 

"Fuck up my son's ethics, Crusher, and you'll answer to me." Raffi sounded beyond serious.

 

Jack actually looked cowed.

 

"I think I've got it under control now, Raff." He winked at her, using the nickname Seven used and hoping she didn't deck it for him.

 

"You'll answer to me as well, Shaw," she said through gritted teeth as she left them alone.

 

He swallowed way too visibly. Damn the woman for being so terrifying when she wanted to be.

 

On the other hand, she hadn't told him not to call her "Raff" so maybe it was a win.

 

##

 

When shift was finally over, and Seven was finally in the same room with Liam, they went almost automatically into each other's arms, sinking onto the bed, kissing for a very long time.

 

"The day was so long," she whispered as she lay in his arms, not even trying to get his clothing off, just wanting this: proximity.

 

And kisses.

 

"So fucking long." He sighed as if letting go of the day. She'd never been with him immediately after shift—or not like this, where he was truly decompressing. "But I love being with you in here."

 

She nodded.

 

"You didn't tell Raffi I was moving into your quarters?"

 

"No, I did."

 

"She looked surprised when she brought Elnor down."

 

"Well," she said with a laugh, "you brought everything here."

 

"Yeah."

 

"Most people would keep a few things in their real room just in case we had a fight and you wanted to storm out."

 

"Why would I want to storm out on you? I prefer hashing things out in the same room."

 

"She and I both stormed out a lot. It was very dramatic."

 

"Drama's overrated."

 

"Since she and I aren't together, you may be right." She nuzzled against him.

 

"Show me the Tahitian pearls? Before we go to Ten-Forward?"

 

"Fine, but you have to go in the bathroom. No peeking."

 

He did as she said, and she made sure the door was on do not disturb except for emergencies, took off her clothes and put on all the pearls, and told Liam he could come out of the bathroom.

 

He was laughing as he did, out of uniform and in his robe, but then he stopped, his mouth open.

 

She knew the blue-gray pearls enhanced her eyes. "You asked me if I spend my money. I do on these."

 

"Good fucking call." He walked over slowly, indicating she should turn around so he could see the back.

 

She looked over her shoulder and smiled as wickedly as she could. "The one down the back..."

 

"Is my fucking favorite. At the moment."

 

He touched it, running his fingers over it, and she knew what he was feeling. The long chain was gold with round-ish perfectly matched teal pearls every other link. It dipped down and a drop that was much bigger kept it from shifting.

 

"Turn," he murmured after rubbing her skin under the necklace, then moving down her body. As he'd stipulated, she was wearing nothing but the pearls.

 

She turned slowly, letting him take in the earrings, the bracelets and rings—she normally didn't wear them all at once but she thought he'd appreciate it. He fingered the choker that was nothing but pearls, and then the longer strand that ended with a teardrop right between her breasts.

 

"No anklets?"

 

"I don't like the feel of them around my ankle."

 

"Good to know." He was kissing down her chest. "I know what you're missing though for real."

 

"A tiara?" She laughed because the last place she'd visited for pearls had tried to sell her one.

 

"A bit fancy for our needs." He grinned. "But yeah, something for your hair. A comb or a clip."

 

He backed away and just stared. "My God, you're beautiful."

 

"I have something else." She swallowed the way she did when she was embarrassed.

 

"Did you buy me something?"

 

She nodded. "A long time ago. I have no idea why. Other than it matched your eyes." She walked to the jewelry box and found the earring. "It's clip so you don't need a piercing.

 

It was like the ones she was wearing, a small gold hoop with an oval pearl hanging off it. But this one was smaller and in white gold, with a silver green pearl. "And it self-adjusts so it won't pinch. I hate it when they pinch."

 

"When did you get this?"

 

"When we were at spacedock, just before Picard and Riker came aboard. I was going to give it to you as a goodbye gift...I think...once Frontier Day was over. And then...everything went to hell and I wasn't even thinking about it." She looked down. "I know it's stupid and if you don't like it, I totally underst—"

 

He pulled her to him and kissed her, slowly and deeply, his hands moving all over her, tugging gently occasionally on the jewelry in a way she found very arousing.

 

"Put it on me."

 

'Which ear?"

 

"Am I taken?"

 

She nodded.

 

"Then put it on the side my heart's on."

 

"Awww. Only the heart is technically in the middle."

 

"There must be a reason we think it's on the left, though."

 

"We don't. You do."

 

He took a deep, long-suffering breath.

 

"Fine, it does take up more real estate left of center."

 

"Then put it on that side."

 

So she did, and it went beautifully with his eyes. "You look like a pirate. My pirate."

 

"And you are my pearl-laden wench."

 

She raised an eyebrow. "Wench?"

 

"Well, pearl-laden at any rate." He drew her to the mirror. "I love this."

 

"You don't have to if—"

 

Again he shut her up by kissing her, by hiking her up onto the desk, by letting his robe fall to the floor and pulling her close and entering her. "I love it. Thank you."

 

He was using his fingers on her as well as thrusting and she'd been thinking about this all day. She lasted no time and then he was following her, pulling her close when they were done, as he leaned on her.

 

"I've missed you so much today it's insane, Liam."

 

"I know. Same for me." Then he eased back. "Oh, Joey was pleased with the offer. And I countered with five percent on the management of our rental site and he countered at eight. So I sent back seven and he accepted."

 

"So the house is...?"

 

"Ours is the word you're looking for." His grin was the most beautiful she'd ever seen. "It's ours. Well, technically it's yours, but..."

 

"Both of us are going on the contract."

 

"Is that smart for you?"

 

She knew her smile was her most obnoxious one. "You mean if we don't last and I want to kick your sorry ass to the curb?"

 

"I don't think I would have put it quite like that."

 

She laughed. "I have a very, very good lawyer who will get you off the contract if that's what I want."

 

"Of course you do."

 

"But I don't, at the moment, envision that happening."

 

"I should hope not." He pulled her back to him and kissed her. "So Ten Forward?"

 

"Yes but with less pearls and more clothes."

 

"I'm wearing mine."

 

She couldn't hide her pleased smile.

 

Once they were suitably dressed in casual clothes and she'd taken off all but the long pearl necklace, they headed to Ten-Forward.

 

Raffi was at the bar with the Doctor. She took one look at Liam and her mouth fell a little bit open.

 

"Let me introduce you around, Doc," Liam said, not seeming to notice Raffi's look, and the Doctor went off with him, a huge smile on his face.

 

"You're drooling," Seven said, laughing at Raffi's expression.

 

"It's the earring. I love a man in an earring."

 

"Yeah, me too."

 

"He and the Doctor genuinely like each other."

 

"I was surprised to see the Doctor back. I thought he was headed to Sweden on vacation."

 

Raffi actually blushed.

 

"Raffaela Musiker..."

 

"The twins may have decided to visit San Francisco. To see both of us."

 

"Because you were in charge and couldn't go to them?"

 

"Seven, as a scientist, I would expect you to understand that correlation doesn't equal causation."

 

Seven just laughed.

 

"Although this time it does."

 

Seven let her eyebrow go way, way up. "So is one twin with you and one with him? And then they switch?"

 

Raffi didn't answer. But her flush deepened.

 

"All of you together?"

 

So fucking red.

 

She leaned in. "How is he? I assume the rectangle goes in all directions?"

 

"He's not my type." But she had the look she got when someone was very much her type—in bed at any rate.

 

"Sure he's not."

 

"No, really. There's nothing going on."

 

"When Swedish twins aren't involved."

 

"Right, except then." She laughed softly. "And, uh, good. He's good. Sorry you passed on him?"

 

The light was glinting off the pearl on Liam's ear and he was laughing as he introduced the Doctor around. "Not in the least."

 

 ##

 

Shaw found Jack in the classroom he remembered from his OCS days. Jack smiled when he saw him. "Hands-on mentoring, Commodore."

 

"You can call me Liam since I'm your mentor."

 

"Did you tell that to Elnor?"

 

"Yep."

 

"Did he do it?"

 

Shaw sighed. He was not going to talk about one of his mentees to another.

 

"Yeah, I didn't think so. He's...stiff. And Raffi seems intent on keeping him that way."

 

"You have my permission to loosen him up some. Just nothing criminal."

 

"Moi?" Jack turned off before they got to the cafeteria. "The food truck today is tacos."

 

The food truck was in fact a food flitter but the name held from centuries ago. "I'm game. And it's on me. Although you probably have a wad of latinum stashed somewhere."

 

"I probably do. But still, I'd love it if you buy because I've stuck to the student card and it's almost out."

 

"Ah, I remember those days well. The end of month ramen days."

 

"Yeah. I detest the stuff so usually I just meet my mother for dinner. She always pays."

 

"Or you could drop in on your father."

 

Jack's face did something Shaw couldn't read so he left it alone until they had their food and were sitting.

 

"What's going on with your father?"

 

"He and my mother aren't together. He chose Laris." His face changed again. "Actually, Mum backed away. Because..." He shook his head and dug into his food.

 

"Because why?" Normally he wouldn't pry but who the fuck else did Jack have to talk to. Well, maybe Sidney. And Seven, but he didn't think she'd had time to talk to him much.

 

"Because she wanted me to have a close relationship with him now that we're back, now that we aren't hiding. And..." He just shook his head. "When he's in town, I see him. Sometimes. But..."

 

"But dropping by the Chateau is a bridge too far?"

 

He nodded.

 

"Listen, I want to go out there. You can come with me and Seven."

 

"Why do you want to go there? Do you like the wine?"

 

Did he want to insult Jack's father's wine?

 

"Mate, if you say you like that swill, I will ask for a new mentor."

 

Shaw laughed. "Detest it. He brought me a bottle when he started his 'Shanghai the ship' mission."

 

"Unreal. He thinks it's good."

 

"Either he's in denial or his palate is for shit."

 

"Agreed. Not sure which. Why do you want to go if it's not the wine?"

 

Shaw took his time biting into his taco, trying to decide how honest he wanted to be with Jack. "I said some harsh things in Ten-Forward to your father."

 

"They were true things, though." He seemed suddenly incapable of meeting Shaw's eyes. "I've been waiting for you to let me have it. The truth. What I did, running off to the queen with your shuttle, starting it all. The hellspawn at the center of fucking doomsday."

 

"Hey. Look at me." When Jack didn't, he made his voice the one of command, the one that had worked on everyone but Seven—until the other day in the attic. "That was a fucking order, Ensign."

 

He looked up. There were tears in his eyes as Shaw had thought there might be.

 

"You didn't have any more choice than your father. Maybe less. It was in your genes, Jack. I'm not going to give you shit. I'm just going to say that you made a choice at the end, and you chose to save people."

 

"She told me I was saving people. The message I was sending—that turned them? It was all the things I wanted to hear when I was on the run. She told me we'd live in a universe without fear, a universe without loss, unbroken, perfect. Free of disease. We saw so much when we were on the run. I just wanted to fix it—all of it."

 

He wiped his eyes with a napkin. "I thought I was good. But I destroyed so much. So many people... The Excelsior. Elnor was on that ship. He casually let that drop when we left the meeting with you. Like a no trespassing sign. I doubt we're going to be best mates."

 

"I'm sorry. But when he gets to know you..."

 

Jack made a face.

 

"Jack, if I can forgive, then he can too. And he's known for speaking his mind. Are you sure he wasn't just giving you the lay of the land? That he lost people. If he was going to play nice when at work but otherwise wanted nothing to do with you, I think he'd have just said it. Absolute candor and all."

 

"Oh, I'd forgotten that part. Maybe." He took a sip of his water. "I'd like to think that maybe we could be friends. He loves my father but never sees him either."

 

"So maybe you should both go with me. We'll take Raffi. It'll be a whole contingent of people who helped him and never see him."

 

"But why do you want to go?"

 

"To let him know I forgive him."

 

"Why? You died for him. Scales are even, Liam."

 

"I'm not doing it for him."

 

"Scales are still even." He studied him. "But if you want to go, I'll get in touch with him." He pulled out his padd and sent a text.

 

They were through their first round of tacos and on to seconds when his padd beeped back. He looked at the message and his face crumpled but in a way that probably only would be detected by someone used to reading pain.

 

"What? Is he all right?"

 

"He's on Risa for the next few weeks. With his blushing bride." He met Shaw's eyes. "He didn't even tell me that they got married."

 

"Maybe because of your mom and how she and he seemed to have a lot of unfinished business."

 

He leaned in, fury in his eyes. "He didn't fucking tell me. And my mother's free of baggage now. She's dating an admiral from security. I went to dinner with them, and he was really nice to me, made me feel welcome. Well, I guess I have a stepmother now. At least she's not evil. I think."

 

Shaw wasn't sure what to say.

 

"You know, my mother said something weird at dinner. I think she knew. But she didn't tell me and he didn't tell me and after everything, I'm still just a child to them."

 

"I'm sorry. For whatever it's worth, you're not a child to me or to Seven."

 

"That's because she and I had the same goddamned childhood."

 

"Okay, but you and I didn't. So take the win." He began to clean up their dishes. "Do you want me to buy you some ice cream? It'll make you feel better."

 

"Oh, right, I'm an adult to you. Sure I am."

 

"I'm an adult. Ice cream makes me feel better. Ergo..." He stood and threw the items into the recycling bin. "But if you're too good to have ice cream, then fuck you." And he walked off.

 

Jack caught up quickly, just like he thought he would. "Don't go see my father. It won't matter to him."

 

His padd beeped again. "Oh, now that he's realized he ran off without a word to anyone, he wants to have a big party at the Chateau when they get back. I'm supposed to tell all of you. Can he not even send out his own invitations?"

 

"Maybe he's afraid we won't come if he does."

 

"I think he's just bloody lazy. But yeah, Pollyanna, you go with that. And tell me how great your apology goes."

 

"I'm not apologizing. I'm forgiving him."

 

"I doubt he'll see the distinction."

 

"Well, it's clear you don't." He led him into the ice cream shop inside Command. "Now pick out a cone before I reconsider."

 

He picked out a triple cone. Brat.

 

Although once his back was turned, Shaw allowed himself to laugh. He liked the spirit. It was what had kept this poor kid alive and not psychotic all those years.

 

##

 

Seven walked into Chakotay's outer office and his executive assistant said, "Please sit down. He'll be right with you."

 

He'd probably told her to say that. A power play and one she might have done if she'd had an outer office and an EA. Although Jack was sort of that, only better. She had a special counselor.

 

Never mind that Kathryn had taken one look at the request and burst out laughing. "What in hell is a 'Special Counselor to the Captain'? Neelix, essentially?"

 

"No, Jack won't be cooking for us."

 

"Well, he might be. If you need an emergency helm and the chef's available and then you have to backfill." Her laughter had been contagious. It had been the lightest moment she and Seven had before she came to the cabin.

 

The cabin that was hers and Liam's now. The thought made her smile—every single time.

 

Chakotay's door opened and two lieutenants walked out. They look subdued and he stood with his hands on his hips as he watched them leave.

 

So it hadn't been a power play. She'd seen that stance. It meant he'd had to be a disciplinarian.

 

Then he turned to her and grinned but in a restrained way. "Kids today."

 

"Indeed."

 

"Come in." He turned to the EA. "Am I still clear for the afternoon, Grisca?"

 

"You are, sir." She clearly adored him, but in sort of a motherly way.

 

Seven had learned to tell the difference. The Seven of Voyager might not have been able to.

 

"Captain Seven," he gestured toward his office. There was no mockery in his voice so she thought he was just using her title in a nice way. As he closed the door to his office, he said, "I wasn't sure how long this would take, or how I would feel after, hence the blocking off an entire afternoon for you." Before she could answer, he sat down at his conference table and said, "I didn't feel great going home from your place."

 

She sat across from him. "I've been thinking a lot about that. The idea that you had to see that holoprogram. And that it was what made you receptive. I'm really sorry. The program wasn't just you."

 

His eyebrows rose precipitously.

 

She laughed. "No, you were the only romantic interest. But I was using it for other social encounters. Trying to get better at them. To become more comfortable."

 

"Why in there though? Why not just come to the events? You rarely did."

 

"It was easier when I could control things—people, I guess. I mean Harry wanted me, B'Elanna and I had a fraught relationship, and you hated me."

 

"I had good reason."

 

"And that was?"

 

"Seven, I thought Kathryn had fallen in love with you. All those reasons she gave me for why we couldn't be together and it felt as if she was going to throw them all away for you."

 

"Oh. I never realized." But of course she wouldn't have. "I don't think she was."

 

"No, I know that now. I didn't then. I resented the hell out of you. So imagine my surprise when it was me you were with in your hologram."

 

"To be fair, my wanting you wouldn't necessarily mean she didn't want me."

 

He laughed. "True. You accused me of having sex with a holographic Kathryn. Does that mean you did with a holographic Liam?"

 

"No. He made it so no one could use the crew except in training scenarios."

 

He nodded. "That's how Kathryn used to have hers set."

 

"Used to?"

 

"I asked her to change it. When my maquis were integrating, I thought they'd need to be able to..." He looked sheepish.

 

"Beat the shit out of their Starfleet crewmates without actually doing it?"

 

He nodded. "So it's my fault you could even create your perfect Chakotay. I imagine you spent the bulk of our relationship trying to recapture what you had with him."

 

"You imagine wrong."

 

He looked confused.

 

"Chakotay, until the fight I had with the holo version of you, my emotional dampener was never close to activating. I felt...little."

 

"Why were you fighting with him?"

 

She started to laugh. "If you make one crack, I will deck you and happily take the court martial."

 

"Okayyy."

 

"I was... It was time to end the program because my performance was suffering and I was skipping regenerations. But I didn't want to just say 'end program' or 'delete Chakotay.' I..." She sighed.

 

"You were trying to let him down easily?"

 

"Yes."

 

He leaned in, clearly trying very hard not to laugh. "Why?"

 

"Fuck you. Who did you all give me as my main support while I was reintegrating?"

 

"The Doctor. Who is a hologram. Who you respected and who was sentient."

 

"Obviously I knew there was a vast difference between the ones in the holodeck and him, but I made mine quite realistic."

 

"You were being kind."

 

"I was. He didn't take it well."

 

"Well, no. I wouldn't." His grin was like the old times, when there wasn't anger and bitterness between them. "So you two never...?"

 

"No. We talked a lot. Ate. Fell asleep together but by accident."

 

"So I really was your first?"

 

She nodded.

 

"If I—"

 

"No. That's what I wanted to talk about. I have been angry for so long at you. Because you loved her more. But you loved her first. And that matters. Also, it's come to my attention that not everyone's first time is nice."

 

"Mine wasn't great."

 

"Mine was. And that's because of you. Despite everything that came later, the night you first made love to me was wonderful. I don't know if it was for you. I hope you felt something but even if you didn't, you made it good for me. And I just want to say thank you."

 

"You made it easy to be good to you. I did feel things for you."

 

"I understand. I have someone who I've hurt. Who has to watch me with Liam."

 

"That must sting because you two seem very solid."

 

"I don't understand why. But we are. And I love him. And we have plans for the future. Fun plans."

 

His smile was very sweet. "I'm glad. I really like him. And so do the dogs. And I tend to trust their opinion more than humans."

 

"He's a really good man. And we work together well. We both have damage. And our various damage plays nicely together."

 

"I understand that."

 

"I don't want things to be strained between us, Chakotay. I've missed my Voyager family."

 

"Kathryn and the Doctor most of all, I imagine. Although from what I understand, the Doctor will be on your ship."

 

She nodded.

 

"I don't want things to be strained either, Seven." He reached out and she clasped his hand. "And I'm so sorry about Icheb. He was a fine officer and an even finer man. We'd grab a meal when we were anywhere close."

 

"Really? He never told me that."

 

"Well, given how we ended...? He wasn't stupid."

 

"True." With a smile, she stood. "I'm going to let you have a free afternoon. I imagine that's a luxury."

 

"It is. Might get caught up on some stuff."

 

As she turned to leave, he said, "I'd love to get the name of the rental agent for that cabin. Seems like a nice place to stay."

 

She turned and gave him the silliest grin.

 

"What?"

 

She pointed at herself.

 

"Wait. Really?"

 

"We bought it."

 

"Wow."

 

"I know. Although, technically we do have a rental manager and I will give you his name because it is a nice place to stay."

 

He seemed truly happy for her. "You should have an open house before it gets much colder. People could drop by during the day."

 

"You think they would? Come all the way up there?"

 

"It's not that far. And you're family."

 

"I'll talk to Liam about it."

 

"Is that property part of your future plans?"

 

She shrugged and he laughed.

 

"You aren't the same person, Seven. I know you went through hell. But I like who you've become."

 

"Thank you." She turned for the door but then hurried over to him and he stood, and they hugged, very tightly, and she knew she was crying but this had been dragging behind her for so long, this pain, this emptiness, this anger.

 

She could finally cut it free. Just be this man's friend.

 

"I'm so sorry," he whispered and she realized he was crying too.

 

"It's okay. We're okay. We're friends. Or we will be. The past is past."

 

He eased away. "Very wise."

 

"I had to learn something from all that mystical shit you tried to teach me."

 

He laughed hard. "Only you didn't call it that then."

 

"Yeah, well, be a ranger and then serve with Liam Shaw. Your language devolves."

 

He laughed again. "I will hopefully see you soon at a house warming."

 

"I think you probably will."

 

 

12.

 

Shaw couldn't believe how many people—friends of his and of Seven as well as the crew—were making it up to the cabin. Fortunately they'd ordered catering, figuring the cabin's replicator was not up to the task of handling a party.

 

He had plans to upgrade it, but they were going to wait until winter was over and assess the whole place. He had ideas and Seven was very indulgent in letting him plan how to improve heat distribution to the bedrooms so it could be a house for all seasons.

 

"Look who we found, Liam." His mom's voice and he turned and saw that she and his dad had their arms around Seven. "Not like he didn't talk about you all the time, my dear," she said to Seven.

 

"Ma, no I didn't."

 

"Yeah you did, son." His father winked at him. "We knew you were gone for her long before you did."

 

"I'm glad you didn't tell him," Seven said with a grin. "The shock might have done him in."

 

"Would for sure have done me in. Me? In love with Hansen?" He winked at her. "Utterly, desperately, foolishly in love with my pain in the ass exec?"

 

"Sucks to be you," Seven said, making his parents laugh. "Let me show you the rest of the place."

 

He watched them walk off, his parents grinning the way they did when they liked someone. It made his heart happy.

 

As they went around the corner, Kathryn came into the kitchen with dishes for the refresher. "What a day, Liam."

 

"I think as CINC, you are exempt from busperson duties."

 

She laughed. "I'm just enjoying seeing you both so happy. It's all I've ever wanted for her. To have a family. And now she has a huge one." She nodded with her chin out to where Elnor and Jack were sitting with Sidney and a young woman Shaw didn't recognize—he'd have to remedy that. "You're mentoring both of them?"

 

"Pray for me." He grinned at her throaty laugh. "Although, Mura is co-mentor."

 

"I don't know him. Should I?"

 

"For sure. He'll make captain some day. And be a great one." He poured himself another glass of Malbec and indicated a glass. "You want some?"

 

She nodded.

 

Suddenly Raffi's granddaughter burst in and said, "Bafroom!"

 

Raffi hurried after her. "I've got it." She scooped her up and rushed around the corner.

 

"You might want to add a bathroom to this place."

 

He smiled. "We have all kinds of plans."

 

"I'm sure you do." She held out her glass. "To my hero. For bringing Seven back to us."

 

"She would have found her way on her own."

 

"We don't know that."

 

"I do. But I'll drink to the aftermath. She and I together. That part you may get some credit for."

 

She grinned. "I should hope so."

 

##

 

Seven held Liam's hand as they cut the line at the transporter—she didn't hate that he had that privilege—then told the tech to send them to Santa Fe.

 

"What's there?" Liam was grinning the way he always did when she surprised him.

 

"I want to test an idea of ours out. Find out for sure that it's sound."

 

He frowned. "In New Mexico?"

 

"Yes."

 

They got off the transporter and she hailed a flitter to take them the little ways out of town.

 

As he climbed out and took in the "Goat Experience" sign, he started to laugh. "For real?"

 

"What if we don't like goats? Here we are planning them into our future without even knowing."

 

"Good fucking point."

 

"There's going to be lots of kids here. So watch the swearing." She gave him the stern look that seemed to cow him.

 

He crossed his heart with his finger and they went through the gate, then another gate that no doubt provided extra security to prevent goat escapes.

 

And goats there were. Everywhere they went, there were families overrun with goats, laughing uncontrollably as the goats nibbled on them.

 

Liam was gone, off to a group of goats with no people near them and she laughed and let him go. He nearly dove to the ground and then was mobbed with adorableness.

 

His laughter was like nothing she'd heard from him, his grin so easy and innocent. She looked around, and saw the same smile on other adult faces. She'd expected the kids to love it, but could they give this kind of happiness to grown ups too? Let them forget their troubles for a little while.

 

"Seven, come over here." She walked to him, sure she'd be stepping in poop but there were little robot cleaners flitting around and picking it up as soon as it hit the ground.

 

He pulled her down next to him and she waited for the inevitable encounter with a goat, expecting to feel nothing. Until the first one came and crawled into her lap and looked up at her.

 

"Oh, my God, this thing is so stinking cute."

 

"Right?"

 

"They have goat yoga too. We can experience that." She'd had him dress in comfy clothes that he could easily move in just for the yoga.

 

"You are the best girlfriend ever. Don't let anyone tell you different." He kissed her and then fell back as the more rambunctious goats mobbed him again. Hers had fallen asleep.

 

Another one came over and settled down next to her. They were entirely calming and she closed her eyes and just breathed in the smell of goats and some kind of resinous wood being burned in a fire pit and the hay and sawdust bedding.

 

"What kind of wood is that?" he asked, clearly on the same page.

 

"I don't know. But I want some for the cabin."

 

"Same."

 

Eventually the call for the goat yoga class sounded over a loudspeaker and they reluctantly left the goats to greet other visitors and went to a barn where mats were set out.

 

She laughed through the whole session—Chakotay had tried to teach her his version of yoga but she'd never enjoyed it—and the instructor spent some time talking about how these goats were all rescues, not babies bred for the industry and then used for other purposes once they'd aged out of maximal cuteness. Other purposes being clearly a euphemism for slaughter or mass dairy.

 

She felt for those goats—how almost drone like they must be. She and Liam would make sure they didn't take that many in—that they always had enough time and energy for them.

 

In another barn they saw the dairy operation, which was small and peaceful and there were a few babies who wandered here and there among the visitors.

 

"For the record," Liam said as he pulled her into a sweet kiss. "I love goats."

 

"Me too."

 

"This was a great idea. And a great surprise. Thank you." He touched her face gently. "I was thinking we should shadow some berry growers at their farm and a market before we ship out. Get an idea how hard it is before we cement it into our plans."

 

"Good idea. Because Berries and Shit farm would be a sad name if we had no berries."

 

He laughed. "Yes. Yes, it would. Also what happened to not swearing?"

 

"It's the name."

 

"But still. Impressionable ears and all that."

 

"Fuck you, Liam," she whispered into his ear, laughing.

 

"I love it when you talk dirty." He took her hand. "You ever explored Santa Fe?"

 

She shook her head.

 

"There's this amazing church with a staircase that's an engineering marvel. I want to see it."

 

"The one that Jesus supposedly built?"

 

"Do not get that tone. I can combine my love of engineering with a little spirituality now and then. And it was Saint Joseph, not Jesus."

 

She rolled her eyes. She'd had to put up with so much spirituality with Chakotay. Liam hardly ever dove into that pool. The least she could do was support him when he did.

 

The church was beautiful, the staircase a marvel of engineering that she truly delighted in exploring with him, and then they wandered and ate and just enjoyed each other.

 

It was the best kind of day.

 

##

 

Shaw had to admit Chateau Picard was breathtakingly beautiful. Too bad the wine didn't live up to the setting.

 

He realized that his chances of catching Picard alone were not good. Why had he thought they would be?

 

But that was okay. He didn't need to have a long, drawn-out talk with him. He just needed a minute.

 

"Here," someone pushed a glass of red into his hand. He was about to give it back, when Jack murmured, "Don't be daft. It's a Bordeaux from their private stash."

 

Shaw looked over at him, saw Sidney nodding beside him, also with a glass in hand.

 

"But if his father asks, it's Chateau Picard." She smiled a very innocent smile.

 

"And so good. Bloody good." Jack grinned. "The best wine ever." He put his hand on Liam's arm. "We're going to join Seven and Raffi. Come up with us." His eyes were telling him how well he thought this was going to go. "Come on. It can wait," he said more softly.

 

"You go. I've gotta do this."

 

"Do what?" Sidney asked, looking from him to Jack and back.

 

"Just some unfinished business with our host. Go on, you two."

 

They left and Shaw saw Elnor, standing a bit away. He walked over and said, "Just go say hi."

 

"I could say the same to you, sir."

 

"Liam. Call me Liam when we're not on duty."

 

"Liam."

 

Shaw saw an opening and grabbed Elnor's arm and moved them in.

 

"Oh, Elnor, how good of you to come." Picard turned to Laris. "This is Elnor."

 

"We should have met before this," she said.

 

Yeah, they fucking should have. They were both goddamn Romulans. Shaw fumed for him.

 

Elnor only murmured something nice—apparently absolute candor was out the window when his heart might be breaking a little.

 

"Maybe you can remedy that. Have him over." He knew his tone was utterly wrong for the occasion.

 

Picard frowned. "And you know Elnor how?"

 

"Liam's my mentor." Elnor looked up at him, his eyes warning him not to say the angry thing he'd been about to. "He's on the ship with us."

 

"Back on the Titan? Must feel odd."

 

No, what felt odd was being on the fucking Enterprise, but Jack wanted that to be a surprise for his father so Shaw managed to bite back the retort.

 

He stood silent for a moment, the words not coming. The ones that let this man off the hook. A hook he probably didn't realize he was swinging on in the first place. "Just wanted to say congratulations on your marriage."

 

"Most kind. Considering all that happened." He looked up at where Seven was. "At least they're happy."

 

"Jean-Luc, Seven is with Commodore Shaw."

 

"She is?"

 

"Yes." Laris shot Shaw an apologetic look. "I thought you heard her say it."

 

"Oh," he waved his hand down, his tone the same as when he'd mentioned the wrong Deep Space station during dinner, "I was catching up with Raffi. Haven't seen her in so long."

 

"You could have her out. Show her you know she's alive." This time it escaped, the harsh thing, the thing he knew Elnor and probably this lovely woman who deserved better than Jean-Luc Fucking Picard would rather he didn't say.

 

"We should." Laris smiled at him, a softer smile, a sadder one. One that said, "This is what I signed up for."

 

God damn, he pitied her.

 

"Well," he said, looking only at her. "Congratulations again."

 

And then he turned, leaving Elnor to fend for himself if he didn't want to follow him. And he didn't. He went back to hovering.

 

The poor fucking kid.

 

He looked for Seven, saw her walking up to the terrace where Raffi was sitting with fresh glasses and decided to let them be, throwing back the very good Bordeaux and then heading off into the vineyard. As he walked, he heard a low woofing and turned to see a very solid pit bull heading his way. Its tail was wagging so he crouched down and waited for the dog to catch up, then laughed as he fell over, the dog licking his face enthusiastically.

 

For a moment, he was a kid again, with his family dog, gone in the moment of pure connection, all the things that bothered him forgotten because an animal loved him. Then the dog eased off and he saw he was wearing a collar that identified him as "Number One."

 

"You want to walk with me?"

 

The dog woofed gently.

 

"Let me tell you about a big battle in space and what your no doubt favorite person had to do with it. And how I'm okay with that even if I think he's a huge fucking dick."

 

He stopped and the dog sat, looking up at him in the way only dogs could, eyes trained on his face. Shaw smiled because he wasn't crying—wasn't even tearing up.

 

He'd come here to forgive a man who really couldn't give a shit about that, had fled to this peaceful spot to lick his wounds, and now... Now he felt okay.

 

"We are for sure getting dogs for Berries and Shit."

 

Number One's tail slapped the ground.

 

"Okay, boy, so as I was saying. There was this annoying dick of a man called Locutus only he wasn't really a man..."

 

##

 

Seven brought Raffi a glass of sparkling water with raspberries in it and sat down next to her, sipping her glass of Chateau Picard. It wasn't really as bad as Liam went on about but she also knew her palate wasn't terribly refined when it came to wine. She could tell a good bourbon from a bad one with one sip if that was ever in question.

 

She realized Raffi had her gaze fixed on one point and followed it. Elnor. Hovering around but not quite near enough to Picard to actually talk to him.

 

"Do you think I should tell him to stop trying?" Raffi sighed. "If JL can't be there for his own son, how is he going to be there for mine?"

 

"Would telling him to do it really stop him? He's as stubborn as we are."

 

"Only way quieter about it."

 

Seven laughed. "Right. That. Low drama."

 

"Nonexistent drama." She grinned slowly. "You and Shaw have drama?"

 

"Not really?"

 

"I'm going to pretend that means you have no passion. I know that's bull, but I'm going to choose to believe it. You go to your quarters after shift and you put on very staid pajamas and you sit up in bed next to each other reading technical manuals."

 

Seven laughed. "Wow. Okay then."

 

"And you think, every so often, 'I could be with Raffi right about now.'"

 

She rested her head on Raffi's shoulder. "There will always be a part of me that thinks that. You own a lot of real estate in my heart."

 

"Fuck, he's even made you mushy. God damn it." But she turned and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead. "Also, I really like that sentiment. You own a lot in mine too. No matter who else comes along." There was a weird silence. "Or has come along."

 

Seven laughed. "The twins?" Still silence. "All of you?"

 

"He's actually really funny. And ummm, let's just say the refractory period is nonexistent."

 

"Oh, that's so disturbing." She was glad she'd never had sex with the Chakotay hologram. It would have spoiled her for real sex before she'd even gotten started. "So are you two...? I mean on the ship without the twins." She had seen them having meals more than once.

 

"Not yet. Not while we're still at space dock. And no one is talking about formalizing this or the future yet. But... I don't know. Maybe we will once we're underway? I do enjoy his company."

 

"I always felt he was a wonderful choice to teach me how to be human again."

 

"I agree."

 

"Is there room for us?" Jack called from the stairs. "Or should we find our own spot?"

 

"Sidney's always welcome, Crusher," Raffi said with a laugh.

 

"Damn, I can't even get a break at my dad's 'We got married and forgot to let any of you know so let's celebrate the hell out of it now' party." He had his arm around Sidney and she rolled her eyes.

 

"Give it a rest."

 

"You're dating this fool, La Forge?" Raffi's tone was teasing.

 

"I wasn't going to, but then he showed me the ancestral estate. I like the idea of being a lady of the manor."

 

"No you don't. You've already told me you'll have the babies but I'll have to raise them."

 

"Well, I'll stop in every now and then. You know flying is what I want to do now."

 

"And giving my children roots is what I want to do." He sounded utterly serious and Seven understood the sentiment. It was why she'd bought the cabin, the first time in her life she had a place that was actually a non-moving home.

 

Raffi whispered in her ear, "Babies?"

 

Seven made the gesture that had always meant "fuck if I know" for them and sipped her wine. But Jack grinned at her when she looked over at him.

 

"Why is Elnor hovering around my father like that?" Jack shook his head. "The man's holding court. Nobody's going to get in the way of that. Not his son and not his almost son." He met Seven's eyes. "And not Liam—even though he probably tried. I saw him heading for the vineyard."

 

"Shit." She looked at Raffi who murmured, "Go," even though she had no idea what was going on as far as Seven knew.

 

She gave her glass to a server with an empty tray and wasted no time taking the back steps down to the vineyard. She saw Liam sitting in the grass with a rather imposing dog curled over his legs and hurried to him.

 

"He's a love bug, Sev," Liam said as she got closer. He held out his hand and she sat down next to him and took it. "This is Number One." He gestured to the collar on him.

 

"Why are you out here all alone?"

 

"Picard won't care if I forgive him."

 

"No, I don't think he will. He might have, while he needed you. He might have appreciated it then. But now? No." It was hard admitting that the man who'd been so important to her rejoining the fold, finding her friends again, and being seen as worthy wasn't the type to hold on to those he ostensibly loved. It was everyone else who held on to him, so if he needed them some day in the future, he'd know where they were.

 

"So I've been telling Number One." He met her eyes. "And the grapes. And the land. That's Picard too."

 

"Yes it is. Do they care?"

 

"They do. This guy especially."

 

The dog's tail began to slap the ground as Liam went back to telling him about Wolf 359, while never stopping petting him.

 

He was still holding on to her hand, squeezing it tightly as if afraid she would leave. She scooched closer and pet the dog too; his tail sped up and he looked to be in bliss.

 

"Here's the main thing you need to know, Number One."

 

The dog whined, making Seven laugh.

 

"The reason I have this amazing woman in my life is because of Jean-Luc Picard. Full stop. So how can I be mad at him for anything? Even if he is lacking in the normal human emotions thing."

 

The dog whined in a different way.

 

"Yeah, yeah, he loves you. I get that. But you loved him first, I bet."

 

The dog stayed quiet. Seven realized she actually thought the two of them were communicating. Well...why not? Stranger things existed than two soft souls hidden by mean-looking exteriors understanding each other.

 

"At any rate, I love this woman more than I've ever loved anything in my entire life. Well, except my Mom."

 

"Having met your mother, I can understand that." She kissed his cheek. "This woman loves you too."

 

"I don't know why. But I am thrilled you do." He freed his hand and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer. "I expected to come out here and have a good cry. But then Number One showed up and we just sort of walked around and he was super easy to talk to."

 

She laughed gently.

 

"And there aren't any tears left for this. It's...done."

 

"The past is past."

 

He kissed her slowly, pulling her closer. "Yes, it is. All that's left is the present and the future. A future I'm actually looking forward to."

 

She ran her fingers over his cheekbones then down to his lips. His eyes were bright now with happy tears and she knew hers were too. "Same here."

 

 

 

Epilogue:

 

Janeway sat in a lounge chair on one of the new terrace levels Liam and Jack and the Doctor had built when they reconfigured the back property. The steep drive was gone and between them they'd figured out ways to bring in water and extend the property with new cabins. She remembered Seven's look of delight when she'd read the property specs and discovered it included forty acres of woodland beyond what had been developed.

 

Most of which was still wild and Liam kept the paths clear by letting the goats graze along them.

 

Jack crouched down next to her. "You need anything?"

 

"I'm retired, Crusher, not helpless."

 

"My question stands." He was retired too. Had lasted three years on the ship, married Sidney during the last one, but once she got pregnant, he asked for Earth duty. Kathryn had been only too happy to find him a new spot, somewhere nice. Once his mandatory four years were up, he retired.

 

Joining Liam who'd retired a year earlier to work on the property, turning it—with the help of the Doctor—into this amazing farm: Berries and Shit Farm and Goat Yoga Rustic Resort. Quite a mouthful.

 

The tourists ate it up. They were booked into the next year every season.

 

Jack got up. "Last chance for a refill."

 

"I'm fine." She watched her grandson go—no. No, he wasn't her grandson. She was frowning, when Chakotay found her.

 

"What do you need?" he asked, their shorthand for what memory have you lost, what short moment that would link things to make them make sense.

 

"Is Jack our grandson?"

 

He nodded. "I did the family bonding ceremony from my tribe. It was Seven's gift to him. And to us." He took her hand. "Is it bad today?"

 

"It's never bad when you're here."

 

His smile still warmed her. Her angry warrior.

 

Seven came striding down the walk, looking every inch a captain even if she was retiring. She had Annika Crusher on her hip, Sidney next to her, both of them chattering to the toddler whose laugh peeled out.

 

"Katrin," Annika said when she saw her and fought her way free of Seven and ran to her.

 

Janeway swung her onto the chair with her and felt every muscle complain. Getting old had its downsides. "And how is my favorite great goddaughter?"

 

"There's no such thing," Seven said with a laugh.

 

"There is if I say there is. Are we family or aren't we? And I'm too young and spritely to be a great grandmother." She made a face and rubbed her back, making them laugh.

 

"You're ageless, Kathryn," Sidney said.

 

"Go have fun, you two. I've got her." She pulled the present she'd brought for Annika from her tote—a stuffed Irish Setter. "Now, what shall we call her?"

 

"Molly."

 

"A fine, storied name for a dog." She kissed her on the head as she settled in and played with the toy.

 

As always, Annika seemed to settle down when she was with her, and not for the first time, Janeway wondered what it would have been like to have children of her own.

 

She heard steps, and then Raffi sat down next to them. "Damn she's cute."

 

"So are Ana and Eva. Do those women never age?"

 

"Good genes."

 

"Not unlike you're own. You're looking good."

 

"I'm feeling good. Although Seven retiring seems unreal."

 

"You going to do the same?"

 

Raffi shook her head. "I'm a lifer. Now that I'm back in, good luck getting me out."

 

Janeway laughed. "What happened to you, Raffi. One of my greatest regrets."

 

"I know. Along with letting Seven go." She frowned. "What's the third. The test had three for me."

 

"Me as well. It was letting the Doctor get taken when the synth band was enacted."

 

"Well, you got him back."

 

"No, he died."

 

Raffi was frowning. "He's right up there." She pointed to where the Doctor and the twins were picking berries. "And I can attest to his vitality."

 

She frowned.

 

"He made us breakfast, is all I mean." She winked. "It was a good thing you got him out. They outlawed emergency holograms after Mars. Although you could still get them on the black market. You had to link them to your DNA so they looked like you and a cursory scan—if they were seen outside the ship—would register as you. My friend Rios had one—but he morphed them into five because he had a death wish back then. When he gave Seven La Sirena, she merged them back to one, but when she tried to realign the hologram to her, her Borg parts got in the way. So she had a Rios and so did Stargazer. I used to worry about that—what would happen to her if they realized she had a hologram."

 

"What happened to Rios?" Fuck, another hole in her memory.

 

"He's MIA."

 

"But where?"

 

"The essence of MIA is you don't know where."

 

"But you know where."

 

She frowned. "Kathryn, are you okay?"

 

"No." She didn't, as a rule, share her diagnosis. But this woman deserved to know. "We've triumphed over the various types of dementia endemic to this quadrant but there's a virus in the Delta Quadrant, it lies dormant. Until it doesn't. I'm losing bits and pieces."

 

"I'm so sorry. Is everyone affected?"

 

"No. Just me and a few others. We were all on the same away mission." She saw Raffi's face shine with pity. "Don't feel sorry for me. I'm eighty years old and I've got family and friends, and time. It's not a fast degeneration. Please don't tell any—"

 

"I won't. Thank you for trusting me with that." She took her hand.

 

The loudspeakers crackled, then Liam's voice sounded, asking everyone to assemble on the terrace level she was at for a small ceremony.

 

Annika fidgeted and she let her up to take her toy to the nearby sandbox. "Can't believe Seven is retiring so soon."

 

"She did what she needed to do. And once Liam left she really missed him. She'll be teaching at the Academy as an independent contractor."

 

"She'll be good at that."

 

People were massing and Raffi got up with a wink. "I have a role in this."

 

Chakotay took her place and said, "Excellent timing."

 

Liam and Seven were standing together. They still looked so in love as he leaned in and kissed her gently. "Our children," she murmured. Then glared at Chakotay for making that a little weirder than it had to be.

 

He just laughed.

 

"Okay, so we're not really here to celebrate Seven retiring, although she's loving the well wishes. We wanted to bring the people we cared about here to witness our wedding. But we didn't want anyone to feel like they had to dress up or bring presents. We just want you here with us to add to the happiness."

 

Janeway laughed. "Tricky tricky."

 

Seven looked around the group. "We love you all. You're our family. Literally, in some cases." She ruffled Jack's hair and he said, "Hey!"

 

But then he went to stand by Liam's side and Raffi stood at hers. Then a goat sauntered in, rings tied to a bow around his neck and everyone laughed.

 

The Doctor retrieved the rings before the goat could eat them, then walked over to Liam and Seven and cleared his throat dramatically. "We have quite a few captains here but your ability to perform marriages are limited to your own ships." He looked at Liam and Seven. "And not for yourselves. So because I love you both, I've added Doctor of Divinity to my rather extensive CV."

 

"Get on with it," Liam said, not quietly.

 

"Oh, that'll teach you to make someone else your best man."

 

"He just didn't want me running the show," Jack said.

 

Everyone laughed again.

 

"Well, as you might imagine, neither of these lovely people will promise to do anything because they can think of so many times when they might need to break that. So I'm just going to ask them if they want to be married and that way, we'll get the oh-so-longed-for 'I do.'" He looked thrilled at the laughter.

 

Seven and Liam were facing each other, laughing too. Then she pulled him in and kissed him.

 

"Excuse me, but we're not at that part yet."

 

"Fuck you," both of them said in stereo.

 

"Well, shall we go around the group and talk about our day until these two come up for air?"

 

Seven pulled away from Liam. "Fine. Get on with it. I do."

 

"I do too."

 

And they went back to kissing.

 

"I now pronounce you asshole and other asshole." And he walked off with a huge grin on his face as everyone slapped him on the back as they laughed.

 

Janeway stared at Liam and Seven, somehow saw them both superimposed, standing alone, looking miserable.

 

She'd made this happen. She looked around, at the Doctor, at Raffi who actually had her arms around him and one of the twins.

 

She'd made all of this happen.

 

"Admiral Janeway?"

 

Who was bothering her now? She smiled at Chakotay and reached for his hand. "Did you say something?"

 

He reached back, his touch warm and supportive. "Are you all right, Kathryn?" The question meant so much more after the diagnosis and she hated that.

 

"I'm with you, so of course."

 

"Admiral Janeway?"

 

Damn these ghost voices. "We need a new doctor, Chakotay. The meds are doing nothing for these phantoms." Maybe they should consult with the Doctor—why hadn't they?

 

"Admiral Janeway?" Someone shaking her and she felt herself fall away, as if she'd slipped down the drive the way it used to be: steep and unnerving. She opened her eyes and saw bright sunshine coming in a window. She was in a recliner with a lovely view of the bridge. It should have been comfortable but something about her body felt wrong. Too...frail. Too old.

 

"Where am I?"

 

"You're in Lafayette Tower, ma'am." A woman dressed in all white. A nurse?

 

"Where's Chakotay?"

 

The woman's face fell and she seemed uncertain what to say.

 

"I don't know you."

 

"I know, Admiral. I'm nurse Reilly. But you have a visitor I'm told you do know." She hurried to the door and let someone in.

 

Janeway was too busy looking out at the view but seeing Hood Canal superimposed on it. "I don't want company."

 

"You say that every Tuesday and Thursday." A beloved voice. Amused.

 

She turned. "Seven. Seven, I was just at the Canal."

 

Her face changed. "You go there so often now. My wedding day again?"

 

She nodded. "It was the best day. But where's Chakotay? And why is your hair that color?"

 

"You mean gray? Because I'm old and you're older. My wedding was twenty years ago." She smiled and began to lay out food on a tray that she rolled over to the recliner, then pulled a chair over and sat.

 

"Where's Chakotay, Seven?"

 

"He's gone." Her voice was even, as if this was a conversation they had all the time.

 

"Gone where?"

 

"Today's not a good day, is it? What do you remember?"

 

"I don't remember that nurse. I..." The light was in her eyes, so she reached down to a pocket of the recliner and pulled out a universal controller and turned the sun shade on. "I knew that was there. Is this—this is my place."

 

"Yes."

 

"But I know you. I know everything about you. Until you made captain. I remember the pinning ceremony, putting the extra pip on you, but nothing past that. Why?"

 

"You always do remember me—and the far past is easier. More...embedded."

 

She tried to imagine Chakotay in this place, where would he sleep? There were lots of chairs but the bed was a hospital type only big enough for one. She looked at something that hung on the wall. One of his sand paintings.

 

A stab of painful memory as she remembered. It was the last one he did before he...died. It was supposed to be impermanent but she'd had it preserved—the lecture he would have given her on that. "Oh. How many years ago did he go, Seven?"

 

"Three. You were ninety seven."

 

"I'm a hundred?" She laughed. "Of course I am. Too stubborn to die."

 

"Too wonderful to."

 

There was a knock and the nurse was back. "I just have to give her meds and I'll be gone."

 

Seven's padd pinged and she got up. "I have to take care of this. I'll be just in the hall."

 

The nurse was very gentle as she held the hypospray to her arm.

 

"My husband's dead. That's who Chakotay is. That's why he's not here."

 

"The other nurses told me. I'm so sorry."

 

"The woman with me. That's my...daughter, of a sort. And she was a grandmother and I was great godmother. To Annika. She comes to visit sometimes."

 

"Ma'am, the woman here today is Annika. Only she told me not to call her that."

 

"Not Annika Hansen. Annika Crusher. "

 

The nurse shrugged helplessly.

 

"What do the other nurses say about me?"

 

"Admiral, I..."

 

"That was not a request for information, it was an order."

 

The nurse crouched in front of her. "That you maybe wear rose colored glasses. Remake the past to your liking."

 

"That's ridiculous. I've never worn rose colored glasses and I certainly wouldn't start now."

 

"I believe you. I know who you are, what you did. I asked for this wing when I reported today because I admire you so much."

 

"Oh, so you're new?"

 

"Yes, ma'am."

 

"So you wouldn't know about Annika. Sometimes Seven and she surprise me with a visit. I bet that's why Seven went out to the hall. To buzz her in. She thinks she's stealthy or maybe just that I won't remember. But if it's about her or my great goddaughter, I do."

 

The nurse smiled. "I'm told Captain Seven is here twice a week. Teaches at the Academy those mornings and is here for lunch and stays through the afternoon. Never misses."

 

"Seven's loyal. It's what Liam values about her. I brought them together."

 

The nurse looked very confused. She'd figure it out if she was here long enough.

 

"What's your name, dear?"

 

"Siobhan."

 

"Good Irish name. I approve. I look forward to getting to know you, Siobhan. And if I forget your name the next time we see each other..."

 

"I'll just remind you. Don't worry. It's all good." With a sweet smile she stood and left her.

 

Seven came back in. "I have a surprise for you."

 

Behind her came Annika. "Hello, Great Godmother."

 

"There's no such thing."

 

"There is if I say there is." She grinned at their old joke, then leaned down and hugged her, kissing her cheek gently. "Seven said you were at the Canal?"

 

"On her wedding day. Do you remember that? You were only two."

 

She shook her head. "I was just out there. Watching two stubborn men try to outmule each other." She sat after Seven pulled over another chair. "I've eaten. Please go ahead."

 

Seven asked between bites, "How's Jack doing getting Liam to not be in charge?"

 

"Dad's trying. Liam's..."

 

"Liam."

 

Annika nodded. "I learned some new swear words from Liam, so that was fun."

 

Janeway laughed. "Why does he have to stop being in charge?"

 

"Because I want to travel and we can't do that if he's running the rentals and farm. Jack and the Doctor are more than capable."

 

"The Doctor wants to stay there?" Janeway asked. "He was always so curious—I thought he'd want to roam."

 

"He's happy there, with us—his family. Especially now that Ana and Eva bought the little place next door."

 

"Does that mean Raffi's moving in too?" Annika asked with a laugh.

 

"Who knows with those four?"

 

"How's your mother?" Janeway asked Annika.

 

"Getting ready to be first officer of a ship." Her smile was the sweet one that meant she'd told her this before.

 

Janeway didn't understand how she always recognized Seven and Annika even if she couldn't always remember the current details of their life. "Which ship?"

 

"The new Voyager. And that I haven't ever told you so don't ask. It was just announced."

 

"Finally enough time has gone by to let that name fly again." She smiled, feeling a warm sense of closure—and pride. Her beautiful ship free to roam. "Tell Sidney not to chase any maquis into the badlands. And avoid strange arrays."

 

"I will." Annika was laughing.

 

"Who's the captain?"

 

"Mura," Seven said with a fond grin that let Janeway know that he was important to her.

 

She couldn't place the name or pull up a face.

 

Oh well. It didn't matter. Not when her girls were here. The only thing that would make it better would be for Chakotay to be here with some of their dogs. "You definitely should travel with Liam, Seven. Build the memories while you have him."

 

"This is my last term teaching. I just told the Academy. That's why I want him to make the transition now."

 

"Oh." She felt a pang—no more classes, no more visits.

 

"So this is why I'm here," Annika said, obviously reading her change in mood. "With Grandfather Picard gone, the Chateau is Laris's now. And I've been staying there and helping out while working on my degree in viticulture and enology in Bordeaux. There's so much room at the chateau. We can hire nurses to be with you day and night so you don't have to stay in just your room or the common area. You can go outside, be around dogs again."

 

"A private nurse is expensive—let alone enough to do all that." She waved that idea away even though the idea of being around dogs made her heart leap.

 

"I'm hiring the nurses. Trust me, we have plenty of funds." Seven took her hand. "Would you like to go there?"

 

"Please?" Annika said, her voice sincere—Janeway could still read people.

 

"What kind of dogs?"

 

"Does it matter?" Seven was grinning at her.

 

"No, I guess it doesn't. Won't it get old, having me around when I forget things?"

 

"You never forget us," Annika said, taking her hand.

 

"No, I don't. A change of scenery might be nice. You're sure Laris is all right with that?"

 

"We're sure." Seven said. "Now that that's settled, eat. Your lunch is getting cold."

 

"Hard to believe this all happened because of a test."

 

Seven laughed. "How long are you going to take credit for Liam and I getting together?"

 

"Forever. You were locked in it even after you were pulled out, but I was the one who found a way to bring you back to us. Bring you back to me. Letting you leave me—leave all of us—the way you did, Seven, was always my greatest regret." She felt a chill, a brush against her arm, someone calling for Admiral Janeway—these damn phantoms, bothering her now. "When I took the test, it was what I searched for an answer to."

 

Seven smiled, a loving smile, one that Janeway at one point had thought she'd never again see from her.

 

She felt a chill, heard the hiss of a hypo, then the sound of a familiar voice—Chakotay's. He was begging her to come back.

 

A bit dramatic on his part considering he was the one who'd died and left her, not the other way around.

 

She took a deep breath and pushed the voice away. It was just some memory intruding from the past, like her earlier one of Seven's wedding. She'd hold on to the present, try not to let it get away from her this time. It was too wonderful to lose. "I can't remember much about the test though. Other than that."

 

Seven smiled gently. "It's okay. You're with us now. Your family. That's all that matters."

 

"Yes. Yes, it is."

 

 

FIN

 

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