DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc and Viacom. The story contents are the creation and property of Djinn and are copyright (c) 2022 by Djinn. This story is Rated R.

The We That Never Happened

by Djinn

Kirk was careful to stay out of La'an's way when she heard she couldn't go with Pike and Number One to Starbase 1. He was pretty sure she didn't give a shit that she couldn't go with Spock.

She glared at him from time to time like this was his fault.

She was at the bar now, drinking something clear and he thought it might be water—that she was so angry she didn't trust herself with booze.

"She all right?" he asked Chris.

"She's lost, Jim. She doesn't know where she fits now with them gone. Pike brought her on and she's afraid the new captain won't want her." She gave him a significant look.

It had been announced that he would be the new captain. Why would La'an think he wouldn't want her? "I'm going to go fix this."

"How?"

He could choose to not tell her and let her just be his girlfriend, someone strictly in medical. Or he could share his plans and make her his partner for real.

He wanted that more than anything. "I need to tell you something."

"Okay."

"I asked for Spock to be transferred off."

He expected her to react in any number of negative ways, not to burst out laughing.

"For real?"

"Yeah. He was talking shit about getting you back." For a Vulcan anyway. "So since I wasn't leaving after all, I asked for him to go with Pike and Number One."

"Wow. Don't you think you'll miss having a Vulcan at the science station."

"Probably. But I couldn't trust him, Chris."

"Okay."

"I need to tell you something else."

"If you're breaking up with me, I will make sure your next disguise ruins that pretty, pretty face."

He laughed—a little more nervously than he meant to. "You wouldn't, right?" Carol might have. Janice definitely would have.

Her stern look dissolved. "No, but pretend I would. So what's the other thing."

"They asked me who I wanted for first officer. I said La'an."

She squealed so loudly half the lounge turned around.

"Honey, I've never heard you do that and I hope you never do it again."

"Sorry." She pulled him in and kissed him soundly. "I love you."

"Well, I haven't asked her yet. Now would be a good time to do that, right?"

"Yes, go."

He slid out of the booth and walked over to La'an, sitting next to her, ignoring her muttered, "Not in the mood for company tonight, sir."

She was sirring him? Shit. "This is business, not personal."

She pushed her drink away and slid off her stool. "I'll be packed and gone in an hour."

He pointed to the chair and kept his expression the one he used to use with his great dane. She finally got back up on the stool.

"I'm not here to tell you to leave, La'an. I want you to be my first officer."

"What?"

"Yeah—will you be my first officer? Also, where were you going to go in an hour? We're in the middle of nowhere."

"I don't know. I guess, I'd grab an escape pod. Float away into the black. That's how this all started." She didn't look away. "You're serious?"

"As a heart attack. I trust you. I know you'll speak your mind."

"Uhhh." For once she seemed at a loss for words.

"Is it me? You don't want to work with me?" He looked down. "The captain of the Farragut is amazing. If you don't want to stay here, she's also looking for a first officer and I'll talk you up like nobody's business. If, I mean, you can't work with me." He realized he sounded sort of pathetic as he trailed off.

"You're an idiot."

"See, there you go speaking that brilliant if not terribly tactful mind." He grinned. "So, yes?"

She nodded, a slow smile starting.

"Will you call me Jim again too? None of this sir shit when we're off duty."

She nodded.

"Do you want to trade in whatever that clear stuff is for a Balvenie and come sit with Chris and me so we can celebrate?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I really do." She frowned. "Don't you have to get my appointment cleared?"

"I already did. Just didn't know if you'd want it."

"This ship has become a home to me in such a short time. The idea of leaving...I was really..."

"Lost?" Chris had been right, but then she usually was when it came to La'an.

"Yeah. But now I'm not."

"Now you're not."

##

Chapel looked up and saw La'an walk into sickbay. "Doctor M'Benga, I think the new first officer is here for inspection."

"Oh, shut up." Then she looked around as if to make sure nobody else was in earshot. "I have to learn to be more dignified. Dial back the sarcasm."

M'Benga pulled her into a huge hug, which she allowed. "You terrify most of the crew, little one. If they heard you tell Christine to shut up, they'd probably think you meant it. And congratulations. You are a wonderful choice."

"Thank you." She rubbed her temples. "Actually, I've got a wicked headache from shadowing so many departments in so little time. There is no more room in my brain. Can you help?"

He scanned her, and both he and Chapel looked at the results. "Did you hit your head?" they both asked, making her laugh.

"No question you two are a well-oiled team." She looked down. "I may have had to crawl into a Jefferies tube, and I may have been trying to keep up with a Silarian, and I may have lost my footing and hit my head on the ladder as I corrected, but if I did that, I would never tell you."

"When was this?" Chapel made her voice very stern.

"Yesterday."

"La'an. No. Bad, bad." Chapel wanted to bop her on the side of the head the way she used to do Spock, but that was so not good in this case.

"Why are you talking to me like I'm a toddler?"

"Because you have a concussion and didn't come to sickbay." M'Benga was at his sternest. "I can relieve you. I need to know that if you need help, you will come here. We will never lecture you for getting hurt and seeking help."

"Well, he won't."

"Right, I won't. I don't control Christine. Converting to staff has made no difference in her attitude." He grinned at her and she grinned right back.

"I'm still your favorite."

"Yes, you are." He began to work on La'an. "Now, are we clear? You so much as pull a hangnail, you come in to let me check it out."

"A hangnail?"

Chapel pushed herself onto another biobed and watched him work. "You'd be shocked at how many paronychia we see here."

"I'd be shocked if I knew what that was—you're as bad as Spock. Big words."

"It's a nail fold infection," M'Benga said. "It starts from trauma, even something as little as a torn cuticle. Add in all the alien bacteria we're coming across—well sometimes our antibacterials are a bit stretched to do the job."

"Fine, I'll cut my hangnails, not pull them."

"Good girl." He nodded at Chapel. "Can you go get her the 'good patient lollipop'?"

"I can put you in the brig, Doctor."

"You can, but then you'd have to answer to her."

Chapel laughed because of course that wasn't how the chain of command worked, even if a lot of people joked that she knew everything that was going on.

It helped to be living with the captain. She still had her old quarters but they used them for overflow storage.

"Oh, yes, thank you, it doesn't hurt anymore."

"Yes," Chapel said, "that's what medicine does. It heals you."

"Blah, blah, come to sickbay for a stubbed toe, blah, blah."

"I think she's got it, Christine. What do you think?"

"I know she does." She shared a look with La'an that she was pretty sure no one else ever did. Although sometimes Jim looked at her a certain way. It should have bothered her that he did—she'd definitely hated it when Roger had looked at the other students.

But with Jim, it didn't.

Because it was La'an.

M'Benga wandered away, talking about all the new reports he had to do because of Jim.

La'an rolled her eyes but then laughed as soon as he was out of earshot. "Jim really is making everyone do more reports."

"I know. He's kind of anal that way."

"But he reads them all. I don't know how he finds time to keep you happy." She winked at her.

Chapel wasn't aware La'an even knew how to wink. "He'll mellow out once he's got a handle on everything. It's just a lot—he was barely first office and now he's captain."

She watched La'an's face to see if she was showing any concern about that, but she only hopped off the biobed and said, "He's good. He'll be fine."

For her, that was the highest praise possible.

##

La'an scanned the surrounding area for more hostiles. Jim was helping M'Benga stabilize Yao. She didn't need to turn to check on her last selection for security before she moved up to first officer.

He was in good hands.

She sensed rather than heard Jim move next to her—he could move like cat when he wanted to and his sense of danger was almost as finely honed as hers.

It might have made others nervous, but it made her feel safe. And free to do her job the best way she knew how.

"More of them?" he asked softly, in the murmur they'd perfected that would keep each other informed but the rest of a landing party—or the bridge—blissfully ignorant until they needed to know.

The downside of having a finely honed sense of danger was that the danger often failed to materialize. Why get everyone else on alert until you had to?

"There's been no movement for ten minutes but I'm picking up five biosigns just past that ridge." She glanced back at Yao. "He'll make it?"

"I don't know."

He never lied to her. She loved that. Although she imagined if she were the patient, he would. He'd tell her everything was going to be all right in that gentle voice he seemed to be able to call up at will. A different tone of caring than what Pike had done.

Possibly because Jim's was more calculated. Pike was honestly empathetic and caring. Jim—Jim was like her. He'd seen too much to not know that sometimes useless encouragement had to be given but that it was, in the end, useless. That you had to call up the caring from another place inside you when you knew that.

"I don't like this. Where did these people come from. This is supposed to be an uninhabited world."

Their orders had been clear. Inventory and assess. No lifeforms noted. Minimal flora.

Instead they were sheltering under a group of trees while the natives who shouldn't be here were shooting at them.

"Ortegas to Kirk."

"Kirk here."

"Starfleet sends apologies. Coordinates got transposed. Beaming you up now."

"Affirmative." He rolled his eyes at her as he closed his communicator, and she shook her head. "I'm sure Yao will be so glad to hear someone at Command fucked up so he could get shot."

"No kidding."

##

Kirk hurried to sickbay. Yao had just woken and he wanted to see him.

He was sitting up and a nurse was helping him drink some of the yummy concoction they gave people who got hurt. "Sir?"

"Just wanted to check on you, Li."

The ensign looked shocked Kirk knew his first name. "Oh, I feel okay."

"Considerng your small intestines were perforated by a metal projectile," M'Benga said as he walked up. "But you're going to be fine."

He had the tone that he used when he meant it and Kirk relaxed. He knew someone would die on his watch, but he wasn't ready for it to be this soon. "You rest."

"Yes, sir."

M'Benga walked him out. "It'll mean the world to him that you came down here. He'll walk into an ion storm for you, I bet."

"Don't need him to, Joseph." He grinned, but knew it was a half-bitter expression. "Just didn't want him to be my first."

"I know, Jim." He touched his arm in the gentle way Kirk appreciated. Comfort but not too overt. "Someday, though, it's going to happen."

"Not if I can help it."

##

Chapel sat in the cave, the darkness pushing down around her. Why in hell had she decided she needed to experience what it was like to wear her own disguises? And on this hellhole of a world?

She could hear the sound of papery skin through dead leaves that the creatures hunting her made. Shit, she was going to die. She was going to die looking like what turned out to be prey for the larger species someone had decided were domesticated herbivores.

Someone needed to pay more attention. Not that it would do her any good when she was in one of these monsters' bellies.

She thought they were tracking by her fear so she closed her eyes and pretended La'an was here, showing her how to lower her vitals through breathing, through meditation, through intent.

First rule of surviving is...?"

"Don't get noticed," she mouthed even though it was too late for that.

Second rule of surviving is...?"

"If you do get noticed, hide well." She'd chosen this cave by instinct, but she didn't know if her instincts were worth much.

Third rule of surviving is...?"

"Conquer your fear." Which was happening, as she slowly, silently breathed more slowly, as she unclenched her fists, as she relaxed her muscles. She was rock and dirt and everything this cave was made of. She was nothing to hunt. Nothing to chase. Nothing to kill.

Fourth rule of surviving is...?"

"Be prepared to flee again or fight." Which she would do if the sounds outside the cave didn't go away. She would stop trying to relax and get ready to run. She couldn't fight, not the way La'an or Jim would. It was natural for them. For her, running was the preferred option and a natural one. She loved running.

Running for one's life though didn't come with the same endorphins as a nice cross-country sprint on the treadmill in the gym.

She focused on her breathing, on how lovely and strong and calm her body was, on how she was one with the cave, on how she was not afraid, she was not afraid, she was not afraid.

The sounds outside moved away. Then there was silence.

Fifth rule of surviving is...?"

"Once you've found a safe space, don't leave it." Not matter how much she wanted to run back to where she knew the rest of the landing party was. They'd have to find her, not the other way around.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

Then a sound, a whispered, "Chris?"

"Jim." She crawled as quickly as she'd ever moved to the entrance, to him, to his arms. "I don't like landing parties. I've been on two and something has tried to kill me both times."

He laughed softly. "I'm sorry. They aren't all like this." He let her go. "Ready to get out of here?"

She realized he was going to make her walk back to the others, across the ground those things had been chasing her on. She could feel her heart rate rising. "Can't we beam out from here?"

"Interference from the cave—some kind of mineral. Come on." He didn't take her hand. He didn't wait for her. He just walked away.

For a moment, she was frozen. Then she took a deep breath and walked fast enough to catch up with him, following by instinct on his right flank rather than next to him.

"Good," he said when they were halfway to the others, and she heard pride in his voice.

"There was no interference, was there?"

"Nope, but you needed to walk away from there. Or you'd be stuck in that cave forever."

"What about the things that were chasing me?"

"There and there and there." He pointed and she saw shapes lying on the ground. "I stunned them before I crossed. Do you think I'd ever let you get hurt if I could help it?"

She let out breath she hadn't realized she was holding. "Thank you. Also, you're an asshole."

He laughed. "You can pay me back tonight in bed."

"Don't think I won't, buddy."

"I look forward to it."

##

La'an sat in her quarters, doing what she always did on shore leave: nothing. But there were books waiting to be read, maybe she'd find a vid that wouldn't bore her to tears.

Her chime sounded and she said, "Come."

Christine and Jim peeked in. They were both dressed to go out.

They looked gorgeous together.

"Oh, yeah, you were right, Chris. This just won't do. Work your magic." And he eased Christine in and let the door close, shutting him away from them.

"Christine, I'm not in the mood."

But Christine was already going through her closet, saying, "Nope, nope, nope" as she went through the clothes hanging in it. "Ooh, what is this?"

"No," La'an leaped for it but it was too late. Christine held it up. A sexy little black dress La'an had never worn. She'd bought it on a stupid impulse in a stupid shop that burned stupid incense that made you dream stupid things.

She'd bought it for a date with Christine.

"This is amazing." She hung it on the closet door. "Okay, where's your make-up?"

La'an pointed to the few items she always wore.

"You're so pretty I can actually work with this little."

"What are you doing, Christine?"

"You're coming out with us."

"With you and Jim?"

She pushed her down into her chair and tipped her face up, studying it. "Not just us. Erica will be there. Joseph. I'm sure others will show up. It's the best club on the planet."

"I'm not really a club girl." But Christine was already unbraiding her hair.

"You haven't even tried being a club girl." She brushed her hair and put it up in a high ponytail. "Don't worry. You'll still look like you. I took some outside make-up classes while I was starting my project at Stanford. It helped me better understand faces."

That was actually interesting. Christine never failed to surprise her in how far she would go to perfect her work.

"So let me work the magic I learned." She began to work on her eyeliner, taking it places La'an never did. Then she stood back and said, "Symmetry and precision are everything."

"That's true of a lot of life."

"It is, isn't it?"

"Is he just standing in the corridor waiting for us?"

"Yeah. It's what men have done for ages. It's good for him. He'll talk to anyone he doesn't know yet who passes."

"We're on the senior crew deck."

"Then he'll talk to senior crew, or if no one happens by, he'll be super bored and extremely grateful when we do show up." She put more mascara on her, then smiled. "God, you're gorgeous."

La'an knew she was blushing. The intensity of the way Christine was looking at her—seeing her.

"Your blush is always good but you need something on your lips." Christine was going through her tinted lip balms. "Well, we're going to have to be twins tonight because you have nothing that isn't nude here."

Christine was wearing a red lipstick that La'an wouldn't be caught dead in. That didn't stop her from putting it on her though.

"Do this." Christine opened her mouth, put her index finger between her lips, closed her lips around it, then pulled her finger out.

"That's sort of obscene."

"I know, but no better way to prevent lipstick on the teeth. Do you want to be "Lipstick on her Teeth La'an"?

She laughed and shook her head as she did what Christine had demonstrated. There was actually some color on her finger. "This would have been on my teeth?"

"Yep." Christine walked back to the closet and tossed the dress to her. "Put it on. Do you have shoes that match in here? Something sexy."

"Sadly yes. I bought them the same time as the dress."

Christine found them, strappy sandals that had been as comfortable as they were pretty. Not too high a heel because who could run from danger in those?

She let Christine zip her up and then sat to put on the shoes. Christine eased her up and to the mirror.

She didn't recognize herself. Her eyeliner was outrageous, not even following her eyeline but still her somehow. The red lipstick looked good. And the dress fit as well as she remembered from when she'd bought it—she'd never tried it on again since but hadn't been able to throw it out either.

"Computer, let the captain in." Christine turned to Jim as La'an stared at herself, then back at him in the mirror.

He was smiling in a new way. "Never let it be said you don't clean up gloriously."

"Or that your girl isn't good with make-up. It's her, not me."

"It's not my makeup wearing that dress, toots." Christine pulled her away from the mirror and the safety of her room before she could change her mind. Jim talked work stuff all the way from her quarters to the transporter room, and she knew he was doing it so she couldn't change her mind, but it was also stuff they needed to talk about but hadn't had time, so she gave up fighting this.

It was a short walk from the transporter station to the club and Erica did a double take when she walked in.

"Holy shit you look hot."

Joseph just smiled the same way he always did at her. He'd been the first one to make her feel welcome on this ship and he still was a safe place for her. "I'm happy to see you joining us, little leopard."

Then the drinks started coming, ridiculous things with umbrellas that went down way too easy.

"You have antitox?" she asked Jim and Christine.

"Yep," they both said, so she gave in and let the native booze—and their presence next to her—make her feel free. And safe.

"Dance with us," Christine said, and she meant with the four of them, so she did it, because she wasn't horning in on Jim's private time with Christine if it was all of them.

It was silly yet fun to be out there, getting sweaty and stupidly loose. Erica was a really good dancer and Joseph was an even better one. Jim danced like she did and when she told him that, he said, "I'm much better one-on-one," and Christine nodded.

"Yeah, right."

"Oh, she doesn't believe us, Chris." He leaned in to her. "Commander, may I dance with you without it seeming like an improper advance. If the answer is no, just say so."

"Oh, like I wouldn't. But sure, show me your moves, goofball dancer."

"As insults go from you, that one was pretty light." He eased her gently away from the group, and suddenly he wasn't an idiot on the dancefloor anymore. He was so present. Like she was the only person in the club.

She looked back at Christine, who was smiling but walked over. "Too much?" She put her arms around her from the back. "He can get pretty intense."

He didn't tone it down but with Christine there, it felt different, like they were in their own little bubble. Jim reached over her to hold onto Christine with one hand and they all moved, and she put her head on Christine's shoulder and her arms around his neck and just smiled as they swayed.

"I want in," Erica murmured but she was dancing with a really pretty lieutenant from astrophysics so La'an didn't think she really meant it.

But she liked that she might have. That she was part of something someone else might actually want a piece of. That wasn't her experience, being really with people instead of just among them.

The music changed and Jim went back to dancing like a fool with Joseph and someone from engineering whose name escaped her. He was so good at remembering names; she had to get better.

She turned to Christine and said, "Just us?"

Christine pulled her in. "Just us."

"I bought this dress for you." The instant she said it, she felt stupid.

"Yeah? I love it. Is this the first time you've worn it?"

"It is."

"Then it is for me." She brushed her cheek softly. "You're so goddamned pretty." Then she kissed her and it wasn't a sisterly kiss.

She heard Erica say, "Jim, your girlfriend is making out with your first officer."

"It was bound to happen sooner or later. If only we all looked so pretty kissing."

Christine pulled away slowly. "See, he doesn't mind."

"So you guys are open?"

"Oh, no."

"Then I don't understand." But she didn't want Christine to let her go.

"He doesn't mind if it's with you."

Jim was behind them, sort of groove-walking and possibly leading a conga line. It was super hard to tell. "I don't mind at all." Then he was off to the other side of the dancefloor, a bunch of people following him with the same idiotic moves.

"He's a leader even when it's stupid," La'an said with a laugh.

"He really is." Christine rested her cheek against hers. "And just so you know, if you decide someday you want to kiss him—I won't mind either."

"That's just the liquor talking."

"Maybe." Christine smiled and kept swaying. "But maybe not."

##

Kirk stood in the transporter room with La'an, waiting for Nyota to beam over. Pike had already put in for her to be assigned to the Enterprise, and he'd heartily concurred when asked if he had any issues with that by the head of the Academy.

"Transporting now," Kyle said with a warm smile that got even warmer as she appeared on the pad, in a real uniform, not her cadet one.

"Permission to come aboard, sirs."

"Permission granted," he and La'an said in unison like they'd practiced it.

La'an even gave her a hug and said, "I actually missed you."

"Aww, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me." She looked over at him. "Congratulations on the promotion, sir." But then she frowned. "Where's Spock?"

"Why would he be here?" La'an said, her voice no longer welcoming.

"Isn't he second officer?" Her voice went up as if realizing her mistake.

"Ortegas is. Spock's with Pike and Number One on Starbase 1." He smiled gently as Nyota frowned, clearly trying to figure out how that assignment would possibly play into Spock's career plans.

Yeah, well, it didn't. Kirk knew it had been petty to get rid of him but didn't care at all. His new science officer was excellent, and he'd put in to get Sonak, a third-year cadet, placed on the ship. If he worked out, he'd be back the same way Nyota was.

He'd have a Vulcan at the science station, just not Spock.

"Christine is still here, right?"

"Yes, she is and she may have planned a welcome back party for you tonight in the lounge."

"No more captain's dinner, I guess. Unless you cook, sir?"

"I don't." He'd had his quarters reconfigured, the huge kitchen taken out. Parties he threw were in the lounge. If he wanted to have dinner with people, he did it in the mess, in full view of others. If it was a diplomatic function, they had a room for that too.

His quarters—they were a haven. Where only those closest to him were welcome.

"I'm going to miss the former captain's cooking." She was almost glaring at him.

He laughed. "Yeah, me too. But things change."

"I miss his breakfasts," La'an said in a reverent tone and then laughed at his expression. "Oh, poor Jim. Nobody lusts after your cooking."

He realized Nyota was watching them with fascination. "Okay, go get checked in by the docs and settled into your quarters."

"Your things arrived yesterday," Kyle said from the console with a sweet grin. Aww, the man had a crush on her.

"You're coming to the party tonight, right, Kyle?" he asked.

"Wouldn't miss it, sir."

Nyota didn't seem to notice she had an admirer. She was still studying La'an and him with a weird look on her face.

"Sickbay, ensign."

"Right, sir." She hurried off.

He and La'an went the opposite way to the lift.

"She thinks we're together because I called you by your first name. She assumes everyone is together. She thought Spock and Christine—"

He laughed. "And she thought right on that one. Maybe she's better at seeing things than you think."

"Maybe so. But you and I..."

"Are friends. And working partners." He smiled in the most non-sexy way he had.

But ever since that night at the club, dancing with her, watching Chris kiss her—he'd been thinking about her differently.

Not that he was going to do anything about it. But he was wise enough to admit it to himself.

##

Chapel was wrapping La'an's presents. She knew better than to throw a huge birthday party for her. La'an would hate that. But she and Jim were meeting her in the lounge ostensibly just for a drink, but really to celebrate quietly. And there'd be a cake the bartender would put out and La'an could cut if she wanted, and then people could enjoy it and wish her Happy Birthday if they wanted to.

"Do you want me to wrap yours?"

"Nope, I've got it." He was laughing really hard and she saw he'd put the bottle in a bag for a brand of scotch neither he nor La'an liked.

"You're sadistic." But she was laughing too.

They got to the lounge before La'an, and Jim went to the bar and brought back a rye for her and two empty glasses. He sat next to her in a semi-secluded booth and they hid the presents between behind their backs.

La'an didn't make them wait long. She sat and stared at the empty glasses and her happily not empty one. "Is this your way of saying you and I drink too much, Jim?"

"Nope." He pulled out the bottle from behind his back. "Happy birthday."

She took the bag and said, "Wow, this brand. It's a gag gift."

"Open it before you assume, Commander." He was grinning like a fool, and Christine loved how much he liked making people happy with good surprises.

She pulled the bottle out. It was a twenty-five-year-old bottle of Balvenie and she stared at it, mouth a little bit open. "I can't..."

"Yes, you can. And you're going to give me some because I've never tried it but it's supposed to be amazing." He winked at her. "If a person likes Balvenie, that is."

Chapel rolled her eyes and drank her nice rye in peace, knowing no one was going to debate the merits of one brand over another with her. Or not so far anyway.

La'an opened the bottle and poured them both a generous couple of ounces.

Christine held out her glass. "Happy birthday, sweetie."

La'an and Jim gently clinked then both went for their first sip, doing the mouth things scotch snobs did, then making slightly orgasmic sounds of pleasure.

"I take it that's good?"

They both nodded and took another sip.

"Okay, while you're both dazed by the femented barley, here are my gifts." She pointed to the one in the pink bag. "This one first."

La'an pulled out the holo-photo with the name of the club on the base. She pushed the button and a holo shot up, no taller than the bottle of scotch, it was of the three of them and Erica and Joseph all dancing. Looking silly and free and happy.

La'an's smile was very bright. "I love this."

"They sent another one too," Jim said, nudging the dark red bag toward her. Then he looked around to make sure no one was near.

La'an pressed the button and it was the three of them, in their embrace, dancing.

Looking so damn sexy.

Chapel smiled but then saw La'an's expression change. "Hey, Jim bought one for all three of us, but if it's too much, I don't mind having two."

"It's not too much," she said, but she wasn't looking at either of them. Just at the holo.

Jim reached around and turned it off. "What is it then?" He studied her. "Is it because I'm there? Would you rather they'd captured just you and Chris. I looked to see if they had one of you two but they didn't."

"No, we all look so pretty together. The three of us." She still wasn't looking at them.

"Then what's wrong?"

"Well, this is just a moment. And it's of something that's really not mine." She blinked and Chapel realized she was about to cry.

"Hey. Don't say that. It's totally yours. That moment couldn't have happened without you." She reached for La'an's hand, squeezing tightly and turned the thing back on. "Look at us. How pretty we are. How pretty you are."

"Do you wish there were more times like this?" Jim's voice was strange, as if he was afraid that what he was saying might spook her even more. He glanced at Chapel, his eyes sending some message. Was he asking permission?

She decided to save him the trouble. "Because there could be. We'll be back on earth for refits in a few weeks. I know you and Jim have lots of meetings but not all the time. We can go out. I know lots of places. And so does he."

"I don't know any places." Her voice was filled with longing—of what she'd never had, Chapel thought. A normal life with happy times with people she loved.

"Well, then we won't ask you for recommendations," Jim said gently. "Look, I'm your boss, and me even hinting at this is so bad. If you want to file a complaint—"

"Shut up, Jim." La'an finally looked at him. "I'm not going to file a fucking complaint." She turned the holo off and put it and the other one into the red bag but pushed the pink one back to Chapel. "You can have this one back."

"So is this a good birthday, or have we made it a really weird one?" Chapel studied her, trying to read her, finding it impossible.

"I told Pike when he offered me the position on the ship that people were challenging for me. They're not for you two. You're easy and free and I love that but I think that I would make a lot more out of this than you might." She took a sip of her drink and her hand was shaking. "I mean I want to say yes. You should know that. But I'm going to say no and we won't talk about this moment again, but I'll look at this frequently and know that there was a time when I felt sexy and wanted."

"And loved," Jim said softly and Chapel nodded.

"Yes. And loved. Thank you, guys, for the birthday." Her smile was sweet. A little lost but sweet.

##

La'an sat with Una as she vented about how boring Starbase 1 was. How unfair it was that Pike had been removed from a ship only he deserved. How Spock had been royally screwed.

She didn't come out and say it, but La'an knew if she hadn't been sitting in Una's old chair, she'd have bitched about being the right first officer for the ship too.

She felt torn. This was her mentor. Her savior in a lot of ways. But she was ripping apart Jim in a way La'an didn't feel was fair.

"You don't even know him," she finally blurted out since Una showed no signs of stopping her rant.

"Wait. Whose side are you on?"

"There is no side. There's just what is. I tried to get assigned with you."

"You did?"

"Yeah. Starfleet told me no."

Una looked down. "Because your experience with the Gorn belonged on a ship." She said it in a singsong manner, as if she'd heard it all before. "You could have transferred somewhere else then."

"You're right. I could have. But...I like the Enterprise and feel at home there. And this was a fantastic opportunity. Do you hate me for staying?"

Una shook her head. "No. I hate Kirk for taking advantage of you."

Alarm shot through her—what had Una heard. "Taking advantage?"

"You—you've said it yourself. You find people challenging And he's a master manipulator. He wanted you to stay and so he got you. He wanted Spock off so he could have Chapel free and clear and he got that too. Spock is bored shitless."

"I'm sure he'll be back on a ship in no time."

"That's not the point. He should have been first officer if I couldn't be."

She felt slapped. "Instead of me, you mean?"

"He's had more time in the service."

"He's Vulcan. He's as challenged by people as I am. Maybe more so."

"But people like him. He's not where fun goes to die."

La'an felt bad for Una. She'd never let go of that. So she didn't tell her how Christine and Jim had thrown her a party, and after the very yummy—and sexy—gifts, the bartender had set up a cake and she'd cut it.

And people had come up and smiled in a way that wasn't strained like smiles to her used to be. They wished her happy birthday and some even said they liked serving with her. They didn't have to join in but they'd chosen to.

Una's birthdays were always in Pike's quarters, with a curated guestlist.

Kirk's way was better. She felt almost a traitor for thinking it and she did miss her former captain's cooking, but it was true: Kirk's way was more inclusive. It set the senior staff out where everyone could see them, could choose to interact or not.

And then Kirk had bought drinks for the room and come back to sit with her and Chris and they talked about whatever felt right.

And it had been her best birthday ever. And this woman—that she loved like some kind of sister/mother—hadn't even been part of it. She hadn't even remembered until the next day. Even though she said this posting was boring the life out of her.

"I'm sorry you don't like him but you barely know him. You do know me and you know that I don't like many people. But I like him."

"And you like Chapel. Another manipulator."

"Why are you being this way?"

"She played you. She wanted Spock but couldn't have him so now she's got herself a captain. And still you're devoted to her."

"What's wrong with that? She's my friend."

"When the chips are down, La'an, she won't be there for you. Neither will he. I just hope you never have to learn that." She pulled out a small present from her pocket. "Now, happy belated birthday. Again."

She opened the package and saw it was the candy she liked best. "Thank you."

"I didn't mean to upset you. I—this isn't where I expected my career to go after being released."

"I know." She met her eyes. "I am sorry about that."

The two feelings could coexist: she was sorry Una was gone but she liked being in her chair.

Even if Una might never understand.

##

Kirk scanned the skies; the storm had come on quickly and from the look of it would be violent. "Kirk to Enterprise, three to beam out."

"You're breaking up, sir," Ortegas said. "Transporters cannot lock on. Advise taking cover."

"Copy that. Kirk out." He turned and saw La'an already looking over the area.

"A cave," she said loudly over the rising wind, pointing uphill.

She led the way, pushing into the cave mouth, and then there was chaos. White fur and her screaming as he pushed Chris out of the way and pulled out his phaser, trying to get a clear shot to stun the thing.

The white fur was suddenly white and red and La'an fell, and he fired, over and over but the creature didn't fall. It did scream, though, and turned on him, but then the sky flashed just as Kirk fired again, and the thing fled, loping down the hill, disappearing into some trees.

Chris was already with La'an, her face drawn as she looked up at him and said, "She's alive." Then she shook her head just so slightly and he knew she meant but she might not stay so if they didn't get out of here.

"Kirk to Enterprise. Medical emergency. Beam us out now."

Erica's voice faded in and out. "If you can get at least three clicks south, Kyle thinks he can lock on. And you have to do it fast, sir. This storm is creating interference and it looks like it's going to be a monster on the ground. It will be twenty-four hours before your area will be clear for communication."

He looked south. It was up and down, rocky terrain. No way La'an could make it. "Understood. We'll hunker down. If the ship is in any danger, get her clear, Er."

"Understood, sir. Good luck. Enterprise out."

Then La'an said, her voice patchy and filled with pain, "You're both good runners. Get far enough and the ship can get you. Then come back for me."

He looked at Chris and she shook her head firmly.

"Not going to happen. We're going to move you, La'an, deeper into the cave." But first he was going to make sure the rest of the cave was clear of any other threats. He turned on the emergency light at the side of his phaser and did a quick check. Nothing. And it didn't smell bad. The animal must have ducked in for cover from the storm, not used it as a den.

He walked back to the front of the cave. Chris had torn off part of her shirt and was having La'an push the wadded fabric down on her leg as she took care of other wounds that were bleeding.

"Hurry," he said watching the sky.

"We can't move her until I say so."

"Understood. But hurry."

She didn't waste time answering, just told him to take over on the pressure and let La'an lay down so she could work on her front.

The thing had sliced her, but a lot of the wounds looked superficial. Except the one he was pushing on; it was dangerously close to the femoral artery, but he couldn't tell from Chris's expression if it had been compromised or not.

If it had, La'an could bleed out in seconds. Probably would have already. But that didn't mean moving her might not disrupt the area enough to affect it.

He decided to stop thinking since his work was done for now other than keeping pressure on this wound.

"You should leave me."

"What part of 'not going to happen' is unclear to you?"

"Jim, my brother, he made me run. He made me get to safety. Some sacrifices are worth it." She looked at Chris who was not paying attention to anything but healing and whispered, "She's worth it."

"I know she is. But this isn't the Gorn, La'an. Nothing is coming to hunt us. It's a storm that we're going to ride out in the cave a native animal knew was safe. You will cooperate with us, Commander, in that effort." He made his eyes hard, harder than he'd ever made them. "On Tarsus IV, I let someone I care about get taken away. No more. I leave no one behind. And you will not be the first person on my crew to die. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir." She squeezed his other hand. "I think my shoulder's dislocated too."

He looked at Chris who nodded but kept working on the bleeding.

"I'm afraid fixing that is going to have to wait."

"I know. I just wanted you to know I was cooperating." She met his eyes. "She said you'd leave me. When it mattered?"

"Who did?"

"She was wrong, though." She gave him the most beautiful smile, and then she closed her eyes and her face went slack.

"Chris."

"It's okay. I slipped her a sedative while you had her distracted. She's going to kill me for that when she wakes up."

"Won't she be harder to move asleep?"

"Yes, but I know her. She'd have insisted on walking and that would not be good. The artery is intact but there's a sharp bit of bone that could change that if she stands and moves it."

"Okay." He studied her as she worked. "Ever thought about being a doctor?"

"Yeah, actually. In the future maybe though. Not yet." She smiled as she worked. "But I really like practical medicine. I didn't think I would."

"I have a feeling you could do anything you set your mind on." He studied La'an as she slept. There was a softness—an innocence—that never showed when she was awake. "She really thought we'd leave her."

"She met up with Una when we were at Starbase 1. I think she probably told her that about us leaving her. She's never been a fan of mine."

"Why?"

"I think she thinks I'm obnoxious. And she was overly protective of both Spock and La'an."

"Who both wanted you."

"Which she blamed me for. Real nice." She moved around to where he was holding. "Okay, I'm going to do a rudimentary healing, we'll get her moved, and then I'll scan and make sure we didn't damage anything. If she's okay, I'll heal the wound closed but she's going to need some quality time in sickbay getting her femur regenerated. It's broken higher up as well as where this shard is near the artery."

He moved to give her more room and let her take control of the padding. She slowly eased up on the pressure and then began to peel it off.

There was blood, but nothing like an arterial bleed would cause. She worked quickly and had him dab behind her to make sure nothing was leaking.

"Give it a minute," she said when she finished.

"We don't have a minute," he said as the sky opened up and rain pelted down.

They got to either side of her, holding under the leg and her torso and letting her head hang as they hurried deeper into the cave. "I've got her if you want to get her head."

She let go of her side and hurried to La'an's head, supporting her neck and shoulders as they settled her on the ground.

She was bleeding again but only a little, and Chris spent a lot of time scanning before she closed her eyes and said, "We didn't hurt her." Then she fully regenerated the skin.

They moved so they were sitting against the wall and he kept his phaser out and set it to kill in case the animal came back. It was a nice temperature in the cave and he could see why the animal had picked it. This far in, they could barely hear the storm and no rain was coming in. The entrance was lit up with flashes that were coming faster and faster.

Chris put her head on his shoulder and exhaled loudly.

"Tough day at the office, dear?"

She kissed his cheek and cuddled a little closer.

"I know eventually I'm going to lose someone. But it's not going to be her, not today."

"Hopefully not ever." She leaned forward to scan La'an and then went back to cuddling. "She's important to me, Jim."

"I know. To me too now."

"I know. I'm so glad you kicked Spock off and picked her instead."

"Yeah? We've never really talked that much about it. I mean it was a dick move to him and to you. Like I don't trust you."

"He was never going to completely let me go. Even if I never said yes again." She sighed. "Part of me will always love him, but I'm happy with you. I like being with you. I like this path we're on."

"Me too." He relaxed as the storm got even worse. No animal would be out in this. But he kept his phaser close. "Should I have told you first though?"

"Well, it wasn't premeditated, right? You saw your chance and you took it. I bet if you'd asked for him to be moved any time after, they'd have said no."

"That's true. April might not have been in the such a 'screw Pike' mood by then." He leaned back. "My request for Sonak was approved. He'll be here in a few weeks. You are not, repeat not, to fall in love with him."

"I know." She scanned La'an again. "I'm worried about her spiking a temperature. Not sure what was on that thing's claws and teeth."

"You don't have to explain why you want to take care of her to me. You love her."

"I do."

"Well, she loves you too, so you're even." He found her hand and held on. "All she's known is loss. And she's still so strong."

"But underneath is a scared little girl who believes she'll always be alone."

"Well, she won't be. She has us now."

"And Erica, almost against her will, likes her. I think La'an likes her too. Although neither would admit it."

"God, no. They're so alike in that way."

"Yeah, they are." She yawned; she'd come in late from a call with Stanford and he'd almost subbed her out on the landing party. Now he was glad he hadn't.

"Give me the scanner and go to sleep. I'll wake you if her condition changes."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."

She kissed him, a lovingly long kiss, then curled up with her head in his lap and her hand on La'an's arm.

She woke up a few hours later and checked La'an as if he couldn't read a scanner then gave her another dose of sedative. "She is really going to kill me."

"You don't want her moving, right? Don't want her to possibly nick the artery? It's to save her life, not to make her more comfortable. I will be your witness when she wakes up."

By the time the storm cleared, La'an was coming to and he knew Chris was debating a third dose. "Wait," he said, as he pulled out his communicator. "Kirk to Enterprise."

"Enterprise here, sir. I was just going to comm you." It was Erica, still at her post, clear as a bell. "Medical transporter standing by at your mark."

"We're ready when you are." He smiled at a groggy La'an. "We're going home."

"Home, where I'm going to kill our girl." She was clearly feeling no pain. "Although if I kill her, she won't be our girl anymore."

"I'd prefer you not kill her."

"Make it an order and I won't." She smiled up at Chris as she scanned her. "You're so pretty." Then she looked back at him. "So are you." Then she closed her eyes and went back to sleep just as the transporter took them.

##

Chapel was in sickbay, when La'an came rushing in, her face paler than normal. Jim followed shortly, clearly shaken, as an ensign from security was wheeled in on an antigrav unit.

"What happened here?" M'Benga asked as he nodded for her to assist.

She saw that the woman was covered in contusions and cuts. She'd seen this before, when she'd been rock climbing and one of the group hadn't secured his harness right and had fallen. It had been a long fall and he hadn't survived.

First and last time she'd rock climbed.

"She fell."

"That's right," Jim was pacing. "Too close to the edge. I told her to get back; the planet was unstable. I told her."

"Montoya had a habit of not listening, Jim." La'an was getting in his way, stopping the pacing. "I knew her well. She was a good officer but impulsive. She'd had too many close calls she walked away from—thought she was invincible. This isn't on you."

"It was my landing party." He sounded like he very much wanted it to be his fault. "I'm supposed to keep my crew safe."

"And you do. But you can't watch over everyone all the time."

"It wasn't everyone. It was seven people. And I let one slip away." He looked over at Chapel. "Didn't I?"

"Yes," M'Benga murmured as he did what needed to be done to prepare her for stasis in the morgue. Her file said her family wanted her body back for burial on Luna. "Go with him, Christine. He'll need you and La'an. You can comfort him and she can smack the truth into him: this was not his fault. It's a miracle he went this long without a fatality."

She didn't argue, just went and took Jim's hand and motioned with her head for La'an to come with them. She led him to their quarters, and told La'an to pour some drinks.

"I don't want to drink. I should be in the chair."

"Alpha shift is over and you need to be anywhere but that chair right now." She stroked his hair. "This isn't like the cave when you made me walk away from it. This is what's going to happen. This is the first time it's happened so it's extra hard. Nothing more can be done."

"I have to contact her family."

"No, I will." La'an's tone brooked no argument as she brought the drinks over.

"That is the cave. Letting you do the call. And next time? I have you do it then too? Or Joseph? Or some assistant to the brass at Starfleet Command?" He wouldn't take the glass.

"I knew her, Jim. She was the closest thing I had to a friend in that unit. I want to do it. Why won't you let me?"

It was exactly the right approach. He took the glass from her and walked to the viewscreen, saying, "No, of course you can. I didn't mean to take that away from you."

Chapel took her drink from La'an and joined him at the viewscreen. She could see La'an come up and stand on his other side.

He wasn't crying. But he looked like he wished he could. "I told her to get away from the edge."

Neither she nor La'an said anything. What else was there to say? He'd told her and she'd fallen anyway.

They drank in silence.

##

La'an sat in the big chair while Jim was down on the planet opening relations. She was dismal at those but she knew, if she ever wanted a command of her own, she was going to have to get better at diplomacy.

Did she though? Want a command of her own?

She didn't think so. She liked being first officer but was it because she liked the job or she liked the job serving under Jim? She tended to need a person to fix her loyalty to. A person who'd earned her respect. And there weren't that many of them in the Fleet.

Although she was starting to see what Jim did, the potential in people rather than the faults. Una had only seen the faults too. They'd been so much alike and would have made a dismal pairing if assigned as captain and first officer. There needed to be some polarity for the relationship to be productive, to be effective—to keep people safe.

And that was what she cared about. Keeping people safe. She could do that from a ship or from a ground job. She didn't really care.

Except that she'd rather do it with Jim and Christine. And that was a problem. She was getting sucked into them. And someday they would be split up and she would be alone again.

She always ended up alone.

"You there, Commander?"

She realized Ortegas had walked over and been talking to her. "I am."

"Big thoughts, huh?" She grinned at her in a way she never would have before.

She'd taken the first step. La'an admired her for that. Most people didn't. "The biggest," she said, but she smiled, a real smile, one that sort of hurt her face since she was so unused to doing it.

"I was saying that I'm throwing a party in the lounge tomorrow. Liquors of the world. People are bringing their own bottles. It's like a hooch potluck. There will undoubtedly be Scotch. Maybe some you've never tried. Everyone's invited. But I know you don't like parties so I thought I would invite you personally so you can't weasel out and say you didn't get the memo."

She sighed.

"I know. I know. Sometimes I'm smarter than you and it sort of stings." She grinned in that carefree way she had and said, "See you there."

"What are you bringing?"

"Guaro—aguardiente. It's a Colombian thing."

"I've had it. It's not Scotch but it's good." She frowned. "You realize everyone will get very sick from all the mixing."

"Antitox available at every table."

"But how many times can you take that in a night and still be okay?"

"I don't know. Ask your girlfriend." She whispered the last part with a wink and went back to her station.

Is that what the crew thought? That Christine was her girlfriend? Did they also think Jim was her boyfriend? Should this worry her? They had reputations to think of.

But...she'd never been this happy. She was pretty sure she'd never be this happy again.

So she was going to enjoy it while she had it. If the crew wanted to think Christine was her girlfriend, well, they probably always had given the way Christine was so tactile with her.

And a lot of them had been in the club that night when they'd been kissing. And Jim had not cared at all.

Una would no doubt have a lot to say about this.

But Una was where fun went to die. And La'an wasn't sure she wanted to be that anymore. Not now that she'd tasted acceptance.

And liked it.

##

The klaxons were still going off as the Enterprise limped home from what had proved a not totally disastrous encounter with multiple Gorn ships thanks to La'an's codebook and her ability to turn the Gorn's language back on them.

"Somebody turn those damn things off." He looked over at La'an, who was receiving the damage reports. She'd kept her cool, been solidly there for him. Full of knowledge, making suggestions that he'd followed most of the time since she knew more about the Gorn than any other living person.

Then her face changed. She stood and said, "Ortegas, you have the conn."

Before he could question why she was giving Erica his seat while he was in it, she made a sign that he'd come to know meant "shut up and come with me."

There was only one person who could make her go so pale and he got out of the chair and ran to the lift. Once it let them on and the door closed, he said, "Chris?"

She nodded.

They walked into a nightmare in sickbay, so many people that some were sitting along the wall, waiting to be seen.

"Do you need more people down here?" he asked M'Benga.

"Yes, find me anyone with an EMT or field medic certificate. Anyone else will just be in the way."

La'an was already sending out a message to the section heads from a nearby terminal. She waited as messages starting pinging back. "Eight people are on their way."

"We should get more people certified," Kirk said softly.

She nodded. As usual they were on the same page.

"Thank you." Joseph said, then he pointed to a bed in the back where Kirk could see a white-covered leg moving. "And give her this. She keeps trying to get up to help, but falling down is not helping." He tossed him a hypo.

"Oh, let me," La'an said, taking it from him, and he smiled as much as this day would let him.

Chris was bruised along her cheek and her right eye was swollen shut. "It's just some debris that hit me."

La'an took her left hand, which he realized was really swollen, and squeezed gently, causing Chris to yelp in pain. "Right. Just a little head wound."

"He needs my help."

La'an let go of her. "So you can break your other hand? Triage-wise you can wait. Attitude-wise, you’re a menace. A well intentioned one, but still a menace." She held up the hypo. "Revenge is so sweet when it's unexpected."

"No, La'an. No, I need to help. I need to—" The hiss of the hypo shut her up.

"That was so satisfying." She leaned down and kissed Chris on the mouth. Then moved aside so he could do the same. "We both left our posts for her. I had us leave our posts for her."

"Well, to be fair to us, we are in the after-disaster phase." He sighed. "And she's ours. Right?" There was a lot being said and he knew that. He just didn't know if she knew that.

She didn't look away, and her expression became so gentle—so open. "Yes, she's ours." She reached out and touched his cheek gently. "Now, let's get back to work. This was an indulgence."

"Indulgences don't have to be bad." He led her out of sickbay after handing the hypo to Joseph. "Also you just don't want to be here when she wakes up mad."

"That's true too."

##

Chapel poured the drinks and brought them to Jim and La'an. She chose a chair that wasn't near either of them. "So, leave is coming up when we get into spacedock for repairs and you guys get done being debriefed. There's a place we could go—the three of us if you want, La'an. But we need to figure this out."

La'an immediately looked guarded.

"What she means is that there are ways to do this—if we want to—that won't get us in trouble and there are ways to do it really stupidly. So let's figure out the way to do it right."

Chapel studied her. "Do you want to?"

She looked at Jim. "You're my boss."

"Which is why I will not be the one to kiss you first. This has to be your choice."

"But he's my boss." She looked at Chapel.

"I was with my boss. Ended shittily but that was because of the boss, not that he was one."

Jim shot her a look. "Not sure that's really helping, honey."

"This is all so clinical. We're thinking about feelings." La'an looked down. "I realize it's weird that I'm the one saying that."

"Because feeling feelings can make you do impulsive things. Things you regret. But if we discuss, we get things out on the table. Maybe this isn't what we want to do?" Chapel sipped her drink and studied La'an, trying to figure out what she was thinking.

"I look at the holo of us and I want that. But..."

"But..." Jim's voice was infinitely gentle.

"But if we're discovered, they'll move me."

"Or me." He glanced at Chapel. "You're safe."

"I am. So this isn't really my decision." She put her drink down. "Maybe, before we decide anything, we should...you know...find out if we even like kissing each other."

"You know I like kissing you. I bought a stupid dress for you."

"That was a great dress." Jim was clearly in a happy place.

"Then kiss him. That's the X factor here. Do you just want to be with me, or want us both."

"You want me to kiss him. In front of you?"

"Well, I don't want you kissing him when I'm not there. Not at first anyway." She winked. "Come on, Commander. Let's see what you're made of."

La'an put her drink down and stood; Jim followed suit. "Okay, I'm going to kiss you now."

"Okay."

She looked at Chapel. "You're fine with this."

"Just kiss already."

So they did, and it was awkward at first as Chapel watched them find their rhythm, how they fit. La'an was shorter than she was, curvier. Jim had to bend down a little. La'an had to reach up to snake her arms around his neck. But then they found it, and Chapel imagined how this must have looked to T'Pring, when she and Spock kissed in front of her, if T'Pring hadn't been the one egging them on.

Fortunately, Chapel found watching the two of them unbearably sexy.

They pulled away slowly.

"So, was it as good for you two as it was for me?"

Jim laughed and pulled her out of her chair, into his arms, into La'an's too. They were both kissing her—her neck, her lips, her chest.

She wasn't sure how but her shirt was off and then her bra, and they were both licking and sucking. "So we're doing it the stupid way, I guess? On the ship?"

"Shut up, Christine." La'an moved lower, easing off her pants, fingers moving even better than Jim's did—and he was very skilled.

He was sitting back, his gaze going from La'an's fingers to Chapel's face. His smile was both loving and excited.

And then she gave up assessing anything, because he joined in with his fingers, and she came loudly and was breathing hard when they finished.

"Yeah," Jim said with a grin as he peeled off his shirt and then La'an's. "We're doing this the stupid way."

##

La'an woke up with Jim on her right and Christine the left. She was afraid to move but she really had to pee. Finally she tried to get out from under the covers without waking them but failed.

"Are you sneaking out?" Christine asked, sounding sad.

"I have to pee."

"Oh, that's okay then. Come back before I get cold."

She realized Jim was still asleep, snoring very softly, looking very sated. She smiled as she climbed over Christine and took care of things, then rejoined her in bed.

"So, that was..." She wanted to stroke Christine's face, kiss her. But should that wait until Jim was awake?

Christine leaned in and kissed her gently. "It was. It so was." Then she pulled her over so she was on top of her. "I love you."

"I love you too."

They kissed for a long time, not going for more, just skin on skin, lips on lips.

Then she felt Jim move and she started to roll off but he stopped her, his hand gentle on her back. "Don't stop on my account. You two are so beautiful together." Then he let go and rolled to his side, clearly content to watch.

She looked over at him. "I told Christine I loved her."

"I heard. She loves you too." He mock pouted. "No love for Jim."

"Don't be an idiot. Do you think I'd be here if I only liked you." Then she made a face. "Am I supposed to be sappy now?"

"Wouldn't be you, La'an, if you were." He touched her lips with his finger and she pulled it into her mouth. "And if you do things like that afterwards, who cares how you talk to me?"

Christine laughed underneath her and gently rolled so La'an was between the two of them again. "I'm really tired, guys. Carry on if you're not." And she closed her eyes and seemed to go to sleep immediately.

Jim watched her with so much love in his eyes, but also envy. "The sleep of a person who has not known trauma."

La'an nodded, suddenly feeling shy.

He moved closer. "It’s not the same with her asleep, is it?" When she shook her head, he said, "If you only want it to be when it's all three of us or just you two, I'm okay with that."

"Is that what you want?"

"No. I want you right now. But if that's not what you want then—"

He shut up because she crawled on top of him, because he was inside her, because she was moving slowly so she wouldn't wake up Christine. Not because Christine would care that she was making love to her man but because Christine needed sleep after her injury.

Jim closed his eyes, and she leaned down, kissing him as they found the rhythm they'd perfected earlier. As he dug his fingers into the small of her back and helped her move, as she cried out, as he did too a moment later.

She rolled off him and cuddled against him. "I know that we can't be open. But that you and she can. I'm okay with that."

"Actually you two have such a weird friendship, I think no one would say anything if you made out in the middle of the lounge."

She laughed. "It's true." She stroked his face gently. "So it's just the three of us and you and me that's a secret."

"For now, yeah. I've been reading all the regs."

"Me too. Are you thinking 424.2-b?"

"Yep. You've been looking that up?"

"Well, it sort of jumps out at you. You don't expect to read about polyamory in the regs."

"The Deltans really messed things up for Starfleet. But we'd be covered by that—if we want that eventually. Marriage. "

"I've had sex obviously. Had to see what all the fuss was about. But I've never been in a relationship. Marriage—marriage is a big step. I'm not saying no, though. But if it turns out you only want to do this every so often, if this isn't a relationship, that's okay."

"Let's play it by ear. We may find this isn't what we want at all. Or not all the time." He kissed her gently.

She shuffled back and pulled him with her so she was closer to Christine, who mumbled something in her sleep and slipped her arm around La'an's waist, cuddling in tight.

She felt so safe here—almost the way she had when her family was all together still, before the Gorn. "I like being with you two. However it works out is fine with me. If we find it impacts our effectiveness as captain and first officer, we'll stop."

"Absolutely. The ship and the crew come first."

She knew he meant it. His ability to be serious but also have fun was so alluring to her. Showing her a way maybe she could be in time.

Jim leaned in and kissed her again. "I can't sleep on my left side. Shoulder gets screwed up. So I'm going to turn over, but I'm not turning away. We can make a spoon train."

"Okay," she said, grateful that he was so caring of her feelings.

But then also laughing: even in bed he had to lead the line.

FIN